Who I Came Back Here For
by TheLyricsAreMyStory
Summary: "Yes well you're in a relationship and I'm dying. So whoever I came back here for. It doesn't matter. Does it?" Carchelle. Originally a one-shot, extended now into something longer, starting from the 7.30pm episode on 19th January; Carla reveals all to Michelle, along with a twist.
1. Truth

_**A/N: Just a little Carchelle one-shot set after the 7.30pm episode on Friday, where the pints went flying! May make this a two-parter if people do enjoy it but not promising anything as I already have two fics on the go! Hope you like it :)**_

 **Carla**

"I'm sorry, Carla." Michelle continues to rant at me as we reach Victoria Court. "But I am not letting her slag you off. Her, of all people."

"Chelle-" I begin my attempts to silence her again.

"I mean, who does she think she is?" She exclaims, pushing the button for the lift and waiting impatiently. "Thinking she's up on her high horse, just because she's Peter's latest in a long line of rejects, owning some scuzzy back street boozer."

"You used to own it." I point out, leaning against the wall. "And you're also one of his rejects..."

"Are you sticking up for her?" She looks at me wildly and I hold my hands up.

"Wouldn't dare." I raise my eyebrows and she stares back at me, trying to regulate her breathing. "Chelle, calm down. It's ok."

"Sorry, sorry." She sighs, jamming her finger in the lift button again. "Oh we're going to have to take the stairs." She decides, heading off towards them and I hang back reluctantly, knowing I probably wouldn't make it up them without running out of breath. "You know how protective I can get, I just-" she stops, turning around. "Come on."

"I'll wait for the lift." I point to it, as she frowns, confused at my lack of energy.

"Are you alright?" She checks, concern in her eyes as she watches me lean my head against the wall, already tired from walking around the corner.

"I'm fine." I lie, as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me towards the stairs. My top was sticking to me and I didn't know whether it was sweat or the pint of bitter that had been chucked at me fifteen minutes prior to this moment. I reluctantly climb the stairs behind her, trying to keep up with her pace, before forcing myself to stop, trying to catch my breath.

"Carla?" Michelle stares at me, her worry growing. "Are you not feeling well?" She holds me supportively as I shake my head.

"Headache." I bluff again, although I could feel one coming on. "I think it must be all he adrenaline. Not... Used to all this after... The quietness of Devon."

"Look, let's get back to the flat and then we'll open a bottle, get changed and stick some soppy film on like we used to." She tells me and I smile at the thought, realising how much I had missed having her around. I spend the rest of the struggle up the staircase, trying to think of yet another excuse as to why I wouldn't be sharing her bottle of wine. Which would probably result in her getting wasted, and me having to put her to bed. "Ok?" She pushes the door open and I enter, flopping down on the sofa. "Flamin' hell Carla. Have you aged fifty years while you've been away?"

"Oh cheers." I scoff, as she passes me a glass of water and some painkillers, which I weigh up in my hand hesitantly before taking them. "I probably won't have a drink if that's ok?" I notice her pulling two glasses from the cabinet. "I can't imagine it'll do this headache wonders."

"Are you sure?" She sounds surprised and I nod confidently, before she leaves the bottle and heads into the bedroom, returning with a pair of folded pyjamas which I vaguely recognised. "Yours. You left them at the Rovers when you and Peter had a fall out one time."

"What, and you never thought to give them back?" I laugh, my heart rate settling slightly as I begin to feel more relaxed. "Bet you hugged these every night while I was away, missed me too much."

"You're so vain." She narrows her eyes and I throw a cushion at her as she laughs, retaliating it as I catch it easily.

"Where's Robert?" I scan the flat, almost forgetting about him for a moment.

"Away at a conference in Bristol." She shrugs. "Don't know many of the details, some health and hygiene thing."

"You're very trusting." I take another sip of water, peering at her over the glass.

"Well if I'd have questioned him further it would just have resolved in another argument." She sighs, staring down at her wet top. "Why am I still wearing these? I'm absolutely soaked."

"You did well to miss the best part of it." I point to my top. "She went for it with me. This is officially ruined."

"Nah, I'll stick it in the wash for you." She replies, watching me smile in response. "Sorry if I went too far."

"Oh I'm used to it." I remind her. "Except usually it's me who's kicking off at people in order to save your back."

"See, you get it." She sighs, sitting down next to me and placing a hand on my knee. "You've always got it."

"Got what?" I suddenly feel lost, unsure what she is now referring to.

"Me." She stares off into the distance. "And you're the most special person in my life so if little miss vegan two faced cow wants to say anything bad about you, sorry but I'm backing you up."

"Little miss vegan two faced cow?" I repeat. "Is that her official name now? It's a bit long winded."

"Well just two faced cow then." She mutters. "Or cow. Bitch."

"Ok, Michelle." I laugh and she smiles slightly as she looks back at me. "Thank you, honestly. There's not many people around here who have got my back anymore."

"Always, you know that." She puts her hand over mine and I nod, staring at her for a moment. I felt guilty. She had always been the first to know any of my secrets; the pregnancy, the one night stand with Robert, even back to when we were kids. I'd always have gone to her for advice. Now my life was on the line and she didn't even know it. I was too scared. I was too afraid of upsetting her, and I knew that if I did tell her, she'd be straight down the doctor in the morning, begging them to let her have donor tests. But this felt so wrong, lying to her, of all people. Especially when she was so loyal to me and always had been.

"I need to tell you something." The words slip out of my mouth and she stares at me intently. "...It's something big... And I don't want you to get upset, even though I know you will."

"Oh Carla." She puts her head in her hands and I hesitate for a moment, trying to remember if I'd actually said it without realising. "I knew you were pregnant... That's why you were so out of breath on the stairs? Of course I'm not going to be upset, I'm happy for you."

"Michelle, I'm not pregnant." I say more abruptly than intended and she looks back up at me. "Or at least if I am, it's a very overdue pregnancy, because I haven't had sex since Nick."

"...Wait really?" Her eyes go wide. "You haven't had sex for over a year and a half?"

"Not really the topic I was going to discuss, but." I respond.

"How have you managed that?" The shock in her tone makes me debate whether I should feel offended or not. "You?"

"Michelle!" I exclaim, laughing again as I slap her lightly on the leg. "You make me sound like some kind of sex pest."

"You're telling me you're not gagging for it?" She raises her eyebrows and I pause, wondering how to relay my answer. "Exactly." She catches me out. "Honestly, no drinking, no sex. Careful, I'll start thinking you're getting boring."

"Yeah well I'm thinking maybe I'll just pack men in anyway." I joke, as appealing as the idea seemed. "Take a leaf out of my sister's book, ey."

"Well then maybe me and you should just get together." She debates, tilting her head to the side as she stares at the wall and I try to push her words to the side of my mind, my tummy flipping in the process.

"Sorted." I respond and she smiles, looking back at me, her eyes fixating on mine for a moment.

"What did you need to tell me?" Her voice grows serious again and I watch her for a moment, swallowing fear. Why was I so scared to admit something to the person who from day one, had supported me no matter what? "Carla?" She frowns, noticing my eyes glistening over as she links her fingers with mine. "...Take your time."

"I, uh..." I stammer, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "...I'm not very well."

"Is your headache getting worse?" She raises a hand to my forehead and it weirdly sends tingles down my spine as she does so, noticing my warm reaction. "What?"

"Nothing." I cover up, staring back at her for a moment and she studies me.

"You feel ok." She moves her hand to my cheek. "That paracetamol will kick in, in a minute."

"I've got kidney failure." The words fall out of my mouth, knowing there would be no better time and she lowers her hand, staring at me in shock for a moment, trying to process the words I had just said.

"...What?" She stammers, her mouth opening and closing a few times.

"Kidney... Failure." I try to force the words out again, as I watch her battle with the truth. "And only Roy knows... And now you."

"I..." She pauses, pulling herself together, or attempting to. "What does that mean?"

"It means my kidneys are failing." I reply, not intending for it to sound as blunt and obvious as it came out. "...It means... That technically, I guess, I could... Die." I swallow and the tears that flicker in her eyes make me feel a wave of hurt.

"But..." She trails off, gulping back tears as she stares at the wall. "But you're not going to?" She looks back at me, for some kind of reassurance. "Carla?" She coaxes me, and I wish I could give her the answer she wanted to hear. "...You're not going to?"

"Um... Well, if I don't get the transplant I need, then..." I stop myself, as her mouth falls open in shock.

"Transplant?" She repeats. "Well I'll do it. How do I do it?"

"Chelle, it doesn't quite work like that." I sigh putting my head in my hands. "I knew you'd say that."

"Yeah because you're my best friend. You're everything to me. I'm not going to sit here and let you tell me you're going to die Carla." She panics and the words hit me like a brick. "No way. Absolutely no way am I letting that happen."

"Ok, calm down." I try to hush her. "If there's anything I've learnt from this, it's that stress isn't good-"

"How do I do it?" She cries, tears sliding down her cheek and I watch her for a moment before pulling a tissue from my pocket and tentatively erasing the droplets from her face. "Please?"

"Listen, sweetheart." I take her hands in mine. "I don't know for sure whether you can. I need to find a match first. Kate and Aidan would be the best bet."

"But like you said, you've only told me and Roy." She shakes her head, refraining from letting her voice waver. "So how are you going to match with them, if they don't know?"

"I... I'm too scared." I allow myself to be weak, because she was one of the only people who could see that. "It would ruin them. It would break their hearts. The donation would mean they'd be in danger for the rest of their lives. How can I ask that of someone... How?"

"Ok." She swallows, forcing herself to be strong for me. She pats my hand gently, as if trying to formulate some response. "But I can try? I can go to the doctors? I mean, I could be?"

"Did you not hear what I just said?" I ask, trying to ensure it didn't sound too harsh. "Donating a kidney is life threatening. It's not something you just pop down to do one day when you're bored."

"Carla, you are the most important person in my life." She replies firmly and it shuts me up as I listen to her. "You know that I'll stop at nothing to protect you. No matter what that means for me. I love you too much to lose you. It's not an option, being without you in my life, isn't an option. Ok?" She stops, as I watch how intently her green eyes search my face, the beauty of them. The person who had been there for me from day one. Who had never given up on me and clearly wasn't about to now. "Ok?" She repeats, quieter this time as we stare back at each other. I nod slowly, too weak to argue, sighing as I tilt my forehead against hers. The way we had done before, the way we did when we were so close. I notice her eyes flicker up at mine, the warmth of her skin against mine was soothing.

Then I don't know why I'm doing it. The whole decision makes no sense. If it was a decision, because I felt there was little thought put into the process before I very softly kiss her lips. I can feel the wet of her remaining tears staining my cheeks, as mine do hers, connecting with one another as she returns my embrace. It was so soft and gentle. Yet so confusing.

I move a hand to her hair, my nails grazing the dampness of her top as I do so. The soft, silky strands fall between my fingers, as I push them comfortably against her scalp, where they rest as I continue to kiss her.

"Carla..." She finally whispers, slowly and reluctantly pulling away, but only so much as a fraction, so her words are still hot against my lips. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know." I respond, because it was the truth, and she soothingly rubs a hand up and down my arm, her finger moving to trace along my cheekbone, as if taking everything in. "...Sorry." I close my eyes momentarily before moving away. "Oh God, sorry." I snap back to reality before standing up, grabbing my coat and bag in a sudden state of embarrassment. "Uh... I'll see you soon."

"Hold on." She calls after me as I head towards the door. "You can't just leave?"

"It's what I'm good at, isn't it?" I shout, immediately hating myself for whatever the hell I had just done. "Leaving. Pushing people away. Making stupid mistakes that mean nothing."

"That didn't feel like nothing." She dares to murmur in response.

"Yes well you're in a relationship and I'm dying." The words hurt as I project them across the room and she shivers slightly at the word. "So whoever I came back here for. It doesn't matter. Does it?"

"Came back here for?" She frowns and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Forget it." I snap, turning on my heel and slamming the door behind me. I fall against the opposing wall, bursting into silent tears as I stare at her door. Robert's door. What a mess. What a complete mess my life was, and getting messier every single day. I allow myself to slide down the wall, crumbling into a ball and trying to process everything that had happened in the last ten minutes, and ten months.

Before I hear a click, my head hesitantly rising upwards to where Michelle was standing above me, sinking to the ground to kneel opposite me in the corridor. Smudged mascara, invisible scars, still beyond beautiful.

"I'm not letting you leave." She whispers, studying my broken expression, knees pulled up to my chest like a little kid. Like the little kids we once were. "Not again. I promise you, I'm going to help you get better."

"...Really?" I breathe the word, even though I knew she meant everything she said. "...Why don't you ever give up on me? All the times you could have? All the times I've pushed you away and hurt you and been so worthless there's hardly been any point in clinging on?"

"...Because I love you." She replies, so meaningfully, and after our previous, impromptu encounter, I struggle to define what she means by those three words. "And like I said to you once, I've lost too many people who are special to me... I'm not about to lose one more. Especially not you. No way."

"I love you." I whisper in response and she manages a weak smile, reaching for my hand. "Can I stay with you tonight?" I ask, suddenly afraid of her response. "I don't want to go."

"You know you can." She leans forward, kissing me on the forehead, dipping her eyes to meet mine and placing another longing kiss on my lips. "You don't need to ask. You never need to ask."

 **Michelle**

I sit on the sofa, Carla's head in my lap as I stroke her hair back comfortingly. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and it wouldn't be the last, but there was something so relaxing about watching her eyes flutter closed for a few seconds at a time, before realising she was slipping between waves of sleep.

"You can sleep." I murmur, not wanting the sound of my voice to shock her, but it doesn't, she just smiles at the sensation of my hands in her hair. "You know you're way too good for Peter?"

"You're way too good for Robert." She mumbles, her voice slightly croaky and annoyingly adorable. "You're way too good for any man you've ever been with."

"I doubt that." I reply, content with her response all the same and she shakes her head slightly, nestling against my legs. "I'm glad he's not here tonight."

"So am I." She replies quietly. "Does that make me sound selfish?"

"No." I can't help feeling flattered at her response. "...You said... Whoever you came back here for? I thought you said you didn't come back for Peter? Or was that just for Toyah's benefit?"

"...I didn't mean Peter." She admits, tilting her head so she can stare up into my eyes, and I don't need her to explain any further for me to realise what she means. "...But it was a stupid heat of the moment thought..."

"I thought you were joking earlier when you said you were taking a leaf out of Kate's book." I manage a small laugh, despite feeling terrified at the circumstances deep down.

"I was." She looks amused at my recollection. "I haven't completely changed, down south."

"It wouldn't matter to me if you had." I wind a piece of hair behind her ear, softly grazing my thumb against her forehead as her eyes close momentarily. "You'll still be the same Carla I've ever known. No matter what you go through, no matter who you are and what you decide."

"...I'm so scared, Chelle." She whispers and it breaks my heart. "I remember Hayley saying that to me." She swallows, pulling herself up and sitting cross legged on the sofa so she could look at me. "I remember her saying she was so scared... When she knew she didn't have long left. She knew it was going to end. I could only feel upset for my own selfish reasons, knowing I would carry on. There would be a huge gap that she filled , and I could try to empathise with her, but I didn't understand her words properly. Not until now... And I'm so scared." I force back tears as she says it, desperate to be strong for her, as much as it was breaking me. "I don't want to die..."

"You're not going to." I place a hand on her cheek, realising how definite my words sounded. "I'm not going to let you. I'm here. I've got you. You don't need to be scared, because I promise you now, everything is going to be ok."

"You can't be sure of that." She shakes her head. "Trust me I want to believe it."

"When have I ever let you down?" I ask her and she pauses, trying to think of a time, or some witty comeback to lighten the situation, but her expression was empty. "You see? Try trusting me."

"I do trust you." She replies. "I trust you with my life."

"And I trust you with my kidney." I nudge her gently and she can't help smiling. "If you promise to be nice to it."

"You don't even know whether you can yet." She reminds me, as she had so many times already, knowing I wouldn't give in on this one.

"Well if I can't I'll find you someone who can." I tell her and she smiles, allowing me to win for the sake of her own exhaustion. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Depends what it is." She replies. "What shoes do you want to borrow?"

"Well if we're having that conversation." I laugh slightly at her joke, my face growing serious again. "I was going to say, please don't wake up tomorrow morning and regret this."

"Regret what?" She murmurs, her eyes flickering to my lips. "Regret pouring my heart out to you?" She guesses, before pausing. "...Or regret this?" She leans in again, kissing me once more, her lips warm and sweet against my own. I return it, surprisingly not at all shocked by her latest actions. She pulls away, her eyes meeting mine.

"Either." I reply, answering her question at last and she smiles, watching me lovingly for a moment before I move in again, caring for her, protecting her, loving her, like I always had done. And like I always would do.


	2. Secrecy

_**A/N: People asked for more so here it is! A little different to the content I usually write so I hope it's ok! Thank you for all the lovely reviews as well, you're all so kind :)**_

 **Michelle**

My eyes flicker open as the usual beam of sunshine dances across the room at precisely 8.17am, thirteen minutes before my alarm was due to go off. It takes me a moment to adjust to my surroundings. I roll over, expecting to see Robert lying in bed next to me, but the smell of lingering perfume and strawberry shampoo hits me first, as I see Carla's dark shiny hair draped across the pillow.

I lie on my side, running it through my fingers carefully, watching how she so contently slept, as if she didn't have the biggest fear in the world creeping up on her awakening. The shallow rise and fall of her chest was something I was so grateful for after last night's conversation, and I can't help moving closer to breathe in the scent of her hair, appreciating it, praying I wouldn't need to remember it.

"New shampoo." She murmurs, her eyes still closed and it nearly makes me jump, wondering whether she had said it in her sleep. A small smile invades her cheeks as she senses me next to her, exhaling slightly at the feel of my fingers in her hair. I melt at the slight croak to her voice, which sounded so tired but content. I had heard it so many times before, when we had shared hotels or stayed at each other's flats, right back to when we used to have sleepovers in our teens. But now I really appreciated it, now I really fell for it and I didn't know why.

"You're awake." I keep my voice soft, as her eyes remain closed, just releasing a small hum in response. "I didn't realise."

"Is that why you were kissing my hair?" She smiles a little more.

"I wasn't kissing it." I object, suddenly slightly embarrassed at the word.

"Smelling it then." Her eyes flicker open as she looks up at me, amused, the beauty of them making me sigh slightly.

"Sleep well?" I ask, winding a lock of her hair around my finger absentmindedly. "You didn't kick me like you usually do."

"Don't really have the energy for kicking." She inserts and I try to stop the words from hurting so much. "Thanks for letting me stay." She guides her hand along the hem of my pyjama top, as if soaking up the intricacy of the stitching. I suppose that was a talent that came with comparing garments at the factory all day.

"You know you're welcome." I hush my voice slightly. "Anytime."

"...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner." She whispers. "I should have, I just didn't want to hurt you and I knew it would."

"I'm going to the medical centre today." I tell her, meeting her gaze again. "To see where I stand with donating."

"And I can't stop you?" She looks concerned and I shake my head firmly. "You're risking your life for me."

"I've been doing that for you since we were kids." I laugh slightly and her eyes glisten with tears. "Don't cry." I whisper comfortingly, my heart breaking as she tries to force them back. "Listen." I dare to link my fingers with hers. "Like I said last night, if I can't, I'll find somebody else who can."

"But I don't want to tell anybody else." Her voice is suddenly weak. "Aidan's got enough on with the factory. Johnny's got his MS. Kate's got these issues with Rana."

"There's never going to be a good time, babe." I assure her, hesitating as I watch her expression. I hated seeing her cry, more than anything. I wished she could be happy. I wished I could make her happy. "Look why don't we just see how my appointment goes today and then we can talk through what to do next?"

"Ok." She agrees, swallowing back her fear as she watches my expression. We stare at each other for a moment, transfixed in a comfortable silence. "...What time is Robert back?"

"Two." I reluctantly reply, because for some reason I suddenly wanted him to extend his trip for a few more nights. "Um..." I begin, knowing this conversation needed to be talked about. But also worrying that Carla may have either forgotten about last night, or wished it never happened. "...What's happening?"

"What, right now?" She teases me and my fingers pause in her hair before I withdraw them. "...I don't know."

"Last night... Did you mean what you said?" I dare to ask. "About... Who you came back for and things."

"Yeah." I realise how happy the word makes me, my tummy flipping slightly. "But I never thought you'd react in that way."

"Well neither did I." I admit. "In fact I think I'm still in shock."

"...If you regret it, I understand." She murmurs and I find myself shaking my head. "No?"

"I don't regret it." I tell her, watching the sincerity of her expression, the feelings I had that I never uncovered before. "I just don't think it's sunk in yet."

"I understand." She replies. "I mean I had over a year and a half to think about these things. But I didn't think I'd end up telling you."

"I'm glad you did." I can't help smiling slightly, avoiding her gaze as I walk my fingers up her arm. I feel her finger under my chin, as she tilts it upwards to meet her gaze again, as if trying to work out if I was being serious. I stupidly feel nervous in the moment, knowing exactly what her next move was, even though I wanted it to happen. She leans in, placing a longing kiss on my lower lip, before pulling away and watching how I react. I study her beauty and her strength, everything she had been through and that I admired her for, that lay behind her eyes. I swallow, before moving back in and returning her kiss, being so gentle with her.

It was so soft and sweet, like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt like it was more than a kiss; an emotional connection. A connection that we were taking to the next level after all these years. I let her go finally, wishing I didn't have to but not wanting to push things too much. She smiles back at me, as I brush a lock of hair behind her ear.

Suddenly the sound of my alarm invades the romantic silence, Carla jumping and clutching her chest at the noise and I place a hand on her arm apologetically.

"Oh sorry." I stroke her arm comfortingly as she calms. "Sorry."

"It's ok." She relaxes herself again, as I turn to hammer out a code on my phone without even looking, as the alarm continues to repeat over and over.

"Oh shut up." I groan, before finally managing to turn it off and Carla laughs at my grumpiness, which I am soon to give into. "Come here." I hold my arm out, allowing her to lay her head in my chest as I wrap my arms around her. I kiss the top of her head, unable to refrain from doing so. It felt so right, I didn't know how we had never realised it before. But holding her like this and protecting her, it seemed like it was always supposed to be this way. I never wanted to let go.

* * *

"So apparently he had a one night stand with that Nicola woman, behind Sarah's back." I call to Carla, as I hear the bathroom door click, staring down into my coffee cup. "He's only gone and got her pregnant. I mean, I only heard this from Maria when I was in the salon, but I'm pretty sure-" I stop as soon as I look up at where Carla was leant against the door frame, towel wrapped around her as she lets her hair fall around her shoulders.

"...Pretty sure?" She indicates for me to continue and I hate myself for completely losing track of anything except what was right in front of me. "What?"

"Nothing." I shake my head, trying to regain myself and she smiles as she slowly catches me out. "Nice shower?"

"Yeah." She bites her lip slightly, coming over to where I was sat cross legged on the sofa and sitting down on the arm. "Bit lonely though."

"Shut up." I hit her legs lightly with a cushion and she laughs, nudging me playfully. "You're full of surprises, aren't you?" I narrow my eyes. "I had absolutely no clue."

"Yeah well you do now." She smiles, leaning in to kiss me again before my phone goes off loudly and she pulls back, the moment being interrupted. "Two guesses who that's off."

"It's not important." I push it away and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Go on." She tilts her head towards it and I resentfully pick it up.

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Robert_

 _Hi babe, just at station so will only be a couple of hours. Missed you, love you xxx_

I chew my lip as I feel Carla's gaze on me, as if waiting for me to read it out. I sigh, putting my head in my hands and letting it fall into my lap.

"Michelle." She gently grabs my attention and I know exactly what she is going to say. "If you want things to go back to the way they were, I'll completely understand. We don't have to... Do anything from this point forwards... We can just pretend the last twenty four hours never happened."

"Yeah but... I don't want to." I look up at her and she exhales, forcing herself not to look pleased at my words.

"Do you love him?" She stupidly asks and I squeeze my eyes shut, nodding so I didn't have to see her reaction.

"Look at me." She releases a weak laugh, although I can tell it hurts to see me admit it. "Chelle... Look at me." She repeats and I open my eyes, meeting her gaze. "It's ok. You and him, you've got something amazing. You've got what I chucked away with Nick. That's something that doesn't come easily. That's something special."

"Yeah and you want to know something else special?" I pipe up. "You. This. Whatever _this_ is."

"Look, ok? I'm going back to Roy's tonight anyway." She tells me. "So, why don't you just see how it goes and see how you feel? You don't need to rush anything. Take some time to work it out, understand it all, because you've had a lot less time than me."

"What matters more than anything right now is making sure you get better." I reply, trying to ignore the flicker of pain in her eyes, from the words she is releasing. "That's my top priority."

"Ok." She nods, standing up and squeezing my hand gently, before turning around and heading back to the bathroom. I watch her go, the soft closure of the door. The door I knew she would be leant up against right now, trying to prevent herself from crying over something which hadn't even started yet. Crying over the death sentence that was upon her if I didn't pull my act together and do anything to save her. That's what was important to me right now. That was all that mattered.

 **Carla**

"Try that." Michelle hands me a glass as I play with the coaster on the bar, raising my head to the pink liquid in front of me.

"No alcohol?" I check and gives me a knowing look, shaking her head. "What even is it?"

"I'm trying to make new non-alcoholic cocktails." She says proudly and my tummy flutters slightly at her excitement. "Drink it."

"Is this for my benefit?" I smile, sipping from the straw and realising how good it tasted.

"No, I need to extend the menu anyway. Not everything's about you." She teases me. "What do you think?"

"That's really nice." I approve, as she claps her hands victoriously. "Can I have the rest of it?"

"Yeah that's four sixty five." She holds her hand out and I narrow my eyes as she prods my hand playfully. Her attention is soon diverted to the doorway, as I hear the sound of the door swinging open and turn my head to see Robert in the entrance. I realise that I've never been keen on his appearance, with the exception maybe of when he turned up at the casino on New Year's Day. But now, was quite possibly the most distaste I'd ever felt towards seeing him, and this time he hadn't even done anything wrong. It was me. Again.

"Hi gorgeous." He slips himself around the bar, Michelle giving me a sidewards glance before reluctantly pecking him on the lips. "Is that all I get?"

"Did you have a good time?" She forces a smile, wrapping her arms around his neck and I can't help the pang of jealousy that I absolutely loathe.

"It was alright." He kisses her again and I look back down at my drink, sipping on the straw before realising I was actually very harshly chewing on it. "I'd have preferred you to be with me though." He continues, before releasing her and turning to me. "Hi Carla."

"Hi." I almost splutter, trying my best to act as if I hadn't been kissing his girlfriend all night. Then again, I highly doubted that would be one of his assumptions. I was weirdly grateful for the awkwardness and dislike that had descended following me offering to pay his debts, as it now gave me an excuse as to why I was so involuntarily shifty.

"So have you had a good night?" He goes back to Michelle and she refrains from looking at me before responding.

"Uh, yeah." She replies bluntly. "Just quiet really. Carla stayed over."

"Did I?" I cough, almost spitting my drink out, not realising she was going to tell him that minor detail. "Yes... I did."

"How much alcohol is in that?" Robert points to my drink. "What even is it?"

"Uh, I'm trialling some different cocktails." Michelle tells him, staring at my drink.

"Sex on the beach?" He eyes it up, trying to guess and I swallow back laughter.

"Yeah." Michelle replies, finally meeting my gaze momentarily and biting her lip so she doesn't smile. "Listen, I've got to pop to the medical centre at three."

"Why? Aren't you feeling well?" He raises a hand to her forehead, a look of concern shadowing his face.

"I've just been getting these headaches, that's all." She lies, causing me to feel guilty. "Just thought I'd go and get it checked out."

"Well I'll come with you." He offers and she shakes her head firmly.

"No it's ok." She covers up. "Now you're back you ought to do some work anyway."

"Uh, I've been working thank you!" He slaps her playfully on the arm and she laughs before he kisses her. I stab my straw into the bottom of my glass multiple times in an effort to distract myself, before Daniel appears from the kitchen, noticing me straight away.

"Oh, hello." He greets, putting a plate down in front of me and I stare at it for a moment, confused. "It was a mistake, want it?"

"Ok." I shrug, trying to brighten my mood and he leans on the counter in front of me, after handing me a knife and fork.

"Uh, so how many 'mistakes' has Zeedan made whilst I've been away?" Robert turns his attention to him, giving Michelle the opportunity to flash me an apologetic look. I stir the pasta around the bowl disinterestedly, never feeling less hungry.

"Listen, I'm gonna go." I sigh, standing up as Robert pulls Daniel over into the corner. "I need to see Roy."

"Please don't." She lowers her tone, as I pick my bag up, pulling my leopard print coat on. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." I laugh, pushing the stool under the bar. "You've got nothing to apologise for anyway."

"I have..." She quickly looks back at Robert to check he's distracted. "Look, Rovers later? Oh... Wait actually we're barred. Here, after close?"

"...I'm not doing this Chelle." I decide to tell her now.

"Not doing what?" She frowns.

"This." I wave my finger between us. "It's not happening."

"I meant, so I could talk about how it went at the medical centre." She replies and I feel a pang of guilt, forcing back tears.

"...Yeah ok." I brush her off, forcing a smile before leaving the Bistro, falling back against the wall as soon as I was outside and staring off up the street. What a complete mess I had made. As if my life wasn't messy enough already.

* * *

"Do you realise how worried I've been?" Roy's voice is sharp as I enter the flat, dumping my bag on the sofa, as he stares at me from the armchair.

"Sorry..." I wince, sitting down opposite him. "See, this is why you should invest in a mobile phone."

"Technology is no companion to this situation, Carla." He persists and I frown at his words, trying to work out what he meant, as usual. "You could have easily contacted the café phone."

"I know, I'm sorry." I apologise, as he watches me, waiting for some further explanation. "I stayed somewhere else for the night."

"That was my second assumption, following the rumours that have arisen in the café this morning." He recites and I narrow my eyes, indicating that I didn't understand what he was talking about. "Quite a few residents have been talking about your scene in the Rovers yesterday."

"Not like you to listen to the local gossip, Roy." I fold my arms, leaning back and I notice he still doesn't look amused.

"You threw a drink at the landlady." He states bluntly. "How very mature of you."

"Oh don't lecture me." I sigh, knowing it was the last thing I needed today.

"I'm merely pointing out that whilst you're out acting as if nothing is happening, your body is shutting down." He replies and the words hit me hard, tears springing to my eyes.

"Thanks." I respond bluntly, standing up and storming out of the room, slamming my bedroom door shut like a stroppy teenager.

* * *

"Carla?" I hear a soft knock on the door, as I hug one of Hayley's homemade pillows against my chest. Roy had put it on my bed when I first moved in, as a source of comfort. It was now, however, very tear stained. I hoped she wouldn't have minded. "I've made a pie."

"I'm not hungry." I reply quietly and for a moment I wonder whether he's heard it.

"I want to apologise for perhaps being hasty with my words earlier." He muffles and I reluctantly sit up, dragging myself off the bed and opening the door, my weak and broken expression becoming apparent as his eyes search mine. "...Will you have some pie?"

"I'm not a pie kind of girl, Roy." I sigh, leaning my head on the door frame. "Besides, after living in Devon, you get sick of the sight of them, and pasties. And scones."

"I didn't intend to cause you upset by what I said." He avoids my attempts to divert the subject. "I would never want you to think you couldn't talk to me about something."

"Really?" I sigh and he nods. "Have you ever had feelings for someone that... I don't know, you never expected to have feelings for? And it all seems so wrong but so right at the same time?"

"Peter, no doubt?" He assumes and I shake my head, which clearly surprises him.

"Somebody else." I just respond, knowing he wouldn't pry.

"Well to answer your question, yes; Hayley." He replies and I swallow, listening to him. "In fact, when I was informed of her... Past, I tried, with great difficulty, to abstain from admitting what I felt for her. But the fact will always remain; we can't choose who we fall in love with. But I suppose, you know that from experience."

"Yeah." I just mutter, staring down at the fraying carpet. "...Have you got any toast?"

"I can make some for you, if that's what you desire?" He offers and I smile appreciatively, heading past him to sit down at the kitchen table. "Forgive me if it's not my place of knowledge, but, where did you go last night?"

"Michelle's." I reply, picking at one of the placemats on the table, my eyes moving over the fading colourful trains that decorate it. "I told her about my... Problems."

"And how did she react?" He actually sounds pleased to hear that he was no longer the only person in on the secret, and that I had reached out for further support.

"She wants to donate a kidney." I nod casually. "Which is what I expected... She cried. I cried. It was hard."

"Well maybe that would be a suitable option?" He suggests, placing a plate of toast in front of me and sitting down. "She is, after all, a relative of yours-"

"She's not a relative." I suddenly splutter and he looks shocked, a sickening feeling churning in my stomach. "A very, _very_ distant one maybe. Hardly any relation. At all." I blurt out and he looks shocked for a moment, weighing up my outburst.

"...And did you tell Michelle about your feelings for somebody?" He continues and I eye him up, wondering whether he suspected anything and then realising how stupid the thought even sounded in my own head, never mind his.

"Yes." I reply, decapitating the slice of toast to refrain from eating it. The thoughts playing through my head over and over. She was at the medical centre right now. Perhaps her appointment had finished. She was there, vying to save my life. Laying her own health and happiness down to help me. Yet I was being selfish, as usual.

"And what was her advice on the matter?" He asks and I look up, staring at him and sighing. The kind of sigh which can usually indicate everything to someone.

"...She responded in a way which surprised me." Is all I can reply with and he stares at me intently, trying to understand what I was getting at.

"Does she know the person?" He questions, as if it was turning into a game of Guess Who.

"Very well." I manage a small smile.

"It's not Robert?" He guesses and my eyes widen.

"Robert?" I laugh slightly, as if _that_ was an unrealistic option. "No. No, no, no."

"Or Steve?" He continues and I almost spit my drink out with laughter.

"You're very inquisitive." I force myself to swallow. "Might have to start calling you Norris."

"I do hope you realise it's only because I have your best interests at heart." He suddenly looks bad for pestering me.

"I know." I smile, leaning forwards on the table slightly. "It's not Steve, no."

"Well then I think I may retire from my guessing." He stands up, taking my plate of crumbled toast and turning to empty it into the bin.

"It's Michelle." I stupidly blurt out and he freezes for a moment, trying to process what I have said as he slowly turns around again.

"Michelle?" He repeats, confusion written into his expression and I nod slowly, knowing, or praying, that he wouldn't judge me.

"But... You don't... You're not..." He stammers, trying to come to terms with it.

"I know I'm not." I laugh, which just seems to puzzle him more. "I guess that's why it's so flamin' confusing."

"...Michelle?" He sits back down, discarding the plate on the side. "...You said you stayed there last night."

"Oh nothing happened." I shake him off, before realising that was far from what he meant, a look of awkwardness clouding his expression. "...Sorry... This is slightly... Did you want some of that pie?"

"And how does Michelle feel in response to this?" He pulls himself together slightly and I go back to the topic at hand.

"She... Was very shocked." I shrug and he nods understandingly. "But somehow... She seems to maybe... Relate... It was so nice. I haven't felt like that in a long time... She really cared for me, made me dinner, let me sleep..."

"But she is in a relationship with Robert?" He checks and I wince, nodding as I put my head in my hands.

"Yeah, I know." I sigh. "It's all a mess. I've made a mess."

"Well there is a vast amount of crumbs." He glances back at the toast plate as I look back up at him.

"Not that." I groan. "Everything was perfect for her twenty four hours ago. I mean, I know they've got a few money difficulties but she was in love, he was in love, they still _are_ in love. They've got a business, a home, no damaged kidneys to worry about. And then bam, along I come and everything's changed. It's what I do, isn't it? I ruin people's happiness."

"Or perhaps you've just assisted Michelle in finding her happiness?" He suggests and I dwell on his words, trying to see the positive side. "Both of your happiness."

* * *

"Hi." I murmur as I enter the Bistro, a feeling of nostalgia washing over me as I see it so quiet. I hadn't been in after closing since Nick used to close early in order to set out a table with candles or let us share a bottle of wine late into the night.

"Hi." She smiles, not moving from where she was behind bar and I scan the surroundings.

"Robert not here?" I check.

"No I said I was staying late to do some stock taking." She tells me and I go over, sitting down on a bar stool and watching her intently.

"I can't do this." It breaks me to say the words but it was the truth. "The guilt. The sneaking around. I'm not doing it again. I'm sorry."

"First things first." She passes me a glass of orange juice, before leaning forward on the counter and my eyes momentarily dart down to her chest, which I immediately regret doing because I think she subtly notices. "I've got tests next week."

"Oh God, Chelle I'm sorry." I put my head in my hands, knowing I was doing it again. "You've made an appointment to save my life today and yet here I am banging on at you."

"Listen." She takes my hand in hers. "I'm going to do everything possible, to make sure you're alright. That's a promise."

"I know you are." I smile. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes you do." She replies firmly. "You do. You deserve the world."

"This is the part where you tell me that you're marrying Robert or something." I try not to let my voice crack but she picks up on it.

"This is the part..." She squeezes my hand comfortingly, tilting my head to face her and I can see how meaningfully she is looking at me. "This is the part where I tell you that I'm breaking it off with Robert."

"...What?" The word comes out as some kind of shaky croak, as I try to process her words, as she watches me, as if wondering whether to say something else.

"This is the part where I tell you I love you." She almost whispers and I stare at her in shock, my heart stopping for a moment as I narrow my eyes, debating whether I was dreaming. "...I think maybe I always have, a little bit..."

"...Um." I swallow, her words playing over and over in my head. "You can't... I'm so broken right now... Please, please don't say that if you don't mean it. I can't."

"I know, I know." She moves closer, the bar in between annoyingly separating us and she smiles slightly, before letting go of my hand and coming around to sit next to me. "I do mean it. I wouldn't do that to you. You know I wouldn't."

"I just... I..." I trail off, searching her, wanting her, craving her. "I don't want to get hurt again, now of all times. I don't think I could handle it, Michelle. I'm weak enough as it is. And I don't admit that to many people."

"I know." She repeats and I believe her. She tilts her forehead against mine, moving a piece of hair behind my ear and grazing a finger along my cheekbone. "I love you."

"...I love you." I admit and it doesn't seem to shock her. Instead, she looks at me warmly for a moment. "Michelle... What does this even mean?"

"What, love?" She laughs slightly and I shake my head, still feeling the heat of her skin against mine.

"Us." I swallow at the word. "If you'd have told me this time yesterday that this would be happening, I'd have probably thrown a pint over _you_."

"Well yeah, likewise." She replies, amused at my comment. "...You tell me. You're my number one priority now, ok?"

"You're serious about ending things with Robert?" I breathe the words, almost worried she'll retract the idea at hearing me say them, but she moves away, nodding confidently.

"I'll go over there and do it now." She assures me. "If that's what it takes. If that's what you want?"

"And tell him what?" I smile, linking our fingers. "That you fell in love with your best friend?"

"Well isn't that a line?" She whispers, taking me in momentarily before moving her head forwards, kissing me gently, the warmth of her lips against mine so inviting. I was completely in disbelief, a state of sheer shock at what had happened. But at the same time I felt so safe, so content, so happy. And that was something I couldn't throw away. Not again and especially not now. Especially not with Michelle Connor.


	3. Exposure

_**A/N: Wow! I am overwhelmed by some of the feedback and so, so touched. I've had some of the nicest reviews I've ever had on my fics and I'm surprised, because I didn't realise this ship was of an interest to so many readers. Honestly thank you so much, you're all so kind. So here's another chapter!**_

 **Carla**

"Would you like a full English?" Roy offers me as I pour myself out a cup of coffee, sitting down at the nearest table next to the counter. "A sausage sandwich, perhaps?"

"I'm not hungry." I reply, nursing it between my hands.

"Carla, if you continue to uphold this, you will just begin to feel weaker." He narrates quietly and I flash him a look, checking nobody heard.

"Make me some toast then." I shrug, pulling my phone out of my bag and scrolling through it absentmindedly.

"Hi." My head snaps upwards as I see Michelle stood above me, taking the liberty of sitting down in the opposite chair.

"You ok?" I get a small flutter of butterflies at her appearance and she nods, looking at Roy, who I turn to see is staring at her.

"Hi Roy." She finally greets him, as he comes over the the table, continuing to stare at us.

"Oh... Uh... Hello." He coughs as he puts the plate down in front of me. "Can I... Get you something?"

"Bacon butty and a coffee, please." She smiles and he nods awkwardly, before going back to work. "He knows?"

"Is it obvious?" I raise my eyebrows, staring down at the plate of toast disinterestedly.

"How did he take it?" She asks.

"He was very shocked." I reply, pushing my plate away. "As you can still tell."

"Please eat something." Her voice is so caring and I look up to notice how she is gazing at me.

"I'm not hungry at the moment." I swallow, taking another sip of coffee and she chews her lip worriedly. "Uh... Spoken to Robert yet?"

"That's what I came to talk to you about." She folds her arms, leaning forwards on the table.

"You've changed your mind, haven't you?" I assume and she looks confused for a moment. "I thought you might, as soon as you went home to him last night."

"I haven't-" She says louder than anticipated and she quickly quietens her tone. "I haven't changed my mind!"

"Really?" I narrow my eyes and she nods confidently. "Sorry... I shouldn't be putting pressure on you. Take your time."

"Ok, stop with all the apologies." She reaches for my hand and I instantly retract, scanning the café. "I am going to tell him. Ok? I'll tell him today. But I've been awake all night thinking about the consequences. For starters, where am I going to live? It's Robert's flat. I'll have nowhere to go."

"Well come and stop here with me and Roy." I suggest, before knowing how stupid it sounded.

"Oh yeah I'm sure he'd love that." She laughs, her eyes shifting to where he was staring at her over the counter. "He wouldn't know what to do with himself."

"Well then I'll get us a flat." I continue.

"What? Just like that?" She raises her eyebrows. "Asking me to move in with you already, ey?"

"It's not like you haven't already in the past." I point out. "I mean, originally I wasn't planning on sticking around and Roy wanted me here so he could take care of me."

"I'll take care of you." She runs a hand through my hair and it gives me another wave of butterflies as I stare back at her, desperate to lean in and kiss her, but I knew I couldn't. "This is mad."

"Yeah I know." I smile slightly. "Trust me, hey?" I watch her worried expression, contemplating everything as Roy places a plate down in front of her, along with a coffee. He looks at me for a moment before pushing my plate back towards me and I groan.

"Perhaps you can encourage her to eat?" Roy asks Michelle.

"Already tried, she's a stubborn cow." She taps my plate and I reluctantly break a piece of the crust off, popping it in my mouth.

"Are you both happy now?" I shift my gaze between the two of them.

"Yes." Roy responds bluntly before walking away and Michelle bites her lip.

"Is he alright with me?" She checks, staring after him and I place a finger under her chin, tilting her head back to face mine.

"Yeah." I smile. "I promise."

"I'm going to be out of a job." She stresses. "Maybe he'll let me work here."

"Ha." I release a laugh at the thought and she taps my hand lightly. "You can come back and work at the factory?"

"It's not even open yet." She reminds me. "Plus it was crowded with you, me and Rob, and Aidan wouldn't like it, would he?"

"Well Aidan can stick it." I shrug, as she watches me play with the toast on my plate.

"Working and living together?" She replies. "I get sick of you on a night out."

"Uh, excuse me!" I slap her arm playfully and she laughs, moving her head closer to mine and I watch her for a moment, forcing my urges to go away. I sigh, putting my head in my hands and groaning. "For God's sake. This makes no sense."

"Hey." She shakes me gently and I let my hands fall away, one of them falling accidentally on top of hers, which this time, I don't retract. "You ok?"

"Yeah it's just..." I link our fingers, not caring as much anymore, and realising nobody would even pick up on it. "Like Roy said last night... I'm not even... You're not even..."

"What? Gay?" She says bluntly and my eyes widen.

"Michelle!" I hiss and she laughs. "Well yeah then... It doesn't add up."

"Sometimes things don't need to." She tells me. "I mean, it doesn't mean that you are, does it?"

"Johnny's going to have a party when he finds out." I roll my eyes. "Just need Aidan falling for Sean next."

"Well he's been supportive of Kate, hasn't he?" She points out and I nod. "...You say, find out?"

"About me and you." I prompt her and she stares back at me for a moment.

"Yeah but... What is me and you?" She dares to ask and we sit in silence for a moment, trying to understand the situation. "Like... Are we in a relationship?"

"Wow, that feels weird." My eyes widen.

"Yeah I know." She frowns, putting her head down onto the table and I watch how perfectly her hair falls around her. "We're like teenagers." She muffles into the wood, finally looking back up at me. "I feel like I'm sixteen again."

"Imagine if we'd have done this at sixteen." I reminisce. "George would have literally killed me."

"Well George isn't here now." She reminds me as if I could forget. "You haven't answered my question."

"I'm not putting a label on anything, not me, not us, nothing, until you've spoken to Robert." I realise how harsh it suddenly sounds. "Take your time, honestly. But, I don't want to go behind someone's back again, Chelle."

"I understand." She smiles, running her fingers through my glossy hair. "I'll do it today. Alright? Then we'll have to try and figure everything out afterwards."

"You're serious about this?" I whisper.

"I want to be with you." She murmurs and the words warm me. "I can't believe I'm saying this but I do. I do."

"I can't believe you're saying that either." I bite my lip slightly, watching how she was playing with my fingers. "Are you going to be ok?"

"It's nothing I haven't done before, is it?" She sighs. "Except usually I don't tell men that's it's because I've fallen for a woman."

"That's going to dent his pride." I mutter. "Are you going to tell him about me?"

"Well he'll want an explanation." She tells me. "But then he'll probably go and blab it all over the street. I didn't even think about that... Maybe he'll be understanding?" She looks at me for some kind of reassurance and I wince, unconvincingly. "Oh who am I kidding? I'll just have to beg him not to say anything."

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" I can't help the guilt that's building inside me as I think about it further. "I mean if you have any doubts, don't ruin it now. You can take some more time."

"I don't need more time." She assures me, staring into my eyes. "I told you last night, I love you."

"And you also love Robert." I remind her. "I mean come on, you've been through loads together. All his issues with the cancer, the situation with Will, losing..." I trail off, not wanting to upset her by raking up the past. "I should have been here for you. I wish I had been."

"Well you're here now." She pats my hand. "And no matter what I've been through with any man, I've been through a lot more with you. I'm not bluffing Carla. I'm not trying to keep you sweet. Like you said, the guilt, the lies, it's not worth it, and it's not me." She checks her phone, groaning slightly when she sees the time. "I've got to get the the Bistro, sorry."

"It's ok." I smile, as she stands up, pushing her bacon butty towards me.

"Eat that." She teases me and I laugh at her. She studies me for a minute before glancing around and leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Take care of yourself, ok. I'll see you later."

"Good luck." I smile reassuringly, and she turns to walk away. "Chelle?" I call after her and her head whips around, staring back at me. "I love you." I mouth and she returns it, blowing me a subtle kiss before she leaves.

 **Michelle**

"So I said to the supplier, we don't actually sell scotch eggs, it's more of a civilised environment." Robert witters on about something I was only half listening to, before unlocking the flat door. "He said it doesn't depend on the environment, it depends on what the customer wants..." He continues to ramble on as I dump my bag on the sofa, nerves creeping up inside me as I put my head in my hands. I was bricking this. I actually don't think I'd ever felt so nervous in my life. He didn't suspect a thing and yet I was about to blow his whole world apart. But I had to do it, for Carla, for me. It wasn't fair on anyone to leave it any longer. "...And then when I chose the vegetarian one he was absolutely fuming!" He finishes, and I realise I've just missed a chunk of what he's said. "Are you listening to me?"

"I need to talk to you." The words topple out of my mouth and I feel my heart rate increasing.

"...You've found the receipt for the hotel, haven't you?" He guesses and I narrow my eyes. "Look I know the bottle of champagne was expensive, but there is reason to celebrate. You and me, we're taking that place so much further now. It's ours."

"What?" I narrow my eyes, and he produces an envelope from his pocket, handing it to me. "What's this?"

"Well open it and you'll find out." He indicates and I hesitantly rip it open, knowing that whatever was inside wasn't going to be the outcome I was hoping to this conversation. "It's a letter from my solicitor." He tells me before I can even read it, and I scan it over, a sickening feeling washing over me. "Signing fifty percent of the business over to you. We both officially own it, together." He pulls me in for a hug and I stare at the wall, shock overcoming me. "So, don't kill me. But I did splash out on another bottle of that champagne." He stands up, going over to the cupboard and producing it, along with two glasses. "After everything you've done for me, I thought I'd show you how appreciative I really am. So, surprise." He grins and I stare at him blankly, trying to formulate some kind of response as I clutch the letter tightly. "...Well I knew you'd be shocked but I thought you might be a bit happier."

"...Why would you do that?" I read the letter over again, my voice involuntarily shaky. "...That's such a nice thing to do."

"Yes well you deserve it." He kneels down in front of me, resting a hand on my knee before popping the cork in the bottle which makes me jump. "Now this..." He pours me out a glass of champagne, holding it up. "Is to the future. Our future."

"Robert..." I realise the words actually ache to produce, having to force them out of my mouth. "There is no future."

There's a very long and painful silence, as he lowers the glass of champagne. I try to work out if I actually managed to say the words, as he tries to understand what I mean.

"What?" He laughs, before moving the champagne glass into my hand so he can pour his own. "I told you, the debts are cleared. It's only up from here."

"No." I shake my head, worried I am going to drop the glass of champagne onto the carpet. "There is no future, for _us_..." I trail off and he narrows his eyes, the intensity of which he is staring at me indicating he is almost trying to read my mind to gather further explanation. "You and me."

"What?" It comes out as a coughed splutter, as he puts the glass down on the table. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I close my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts as I give the letter back to him, putting my glass of champagne down next to his. "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for wha..." He frowns, completely confused by my sudden change of heart. "Sorry? What's there to be sorry for?" He continues and I hesitate, my eyes searching his. "Michelle, you're scaring me. Tell me this is a joke."

"It's not a joke." I swallow and he sits in silence for a moment, before rising and coming to sit down on the sofa next to me.

"...This makes no sense, everything's fine between us!" He exclaims, taking my hand in his. "What's going on? What's happened?"

"I know... I..." I stammer, wishing I was anywhere but here, having this conversation right now. "It's just the past few days..."

"The past few days?" He almost spits and I back away slightly, causing him to look apologetic. "You're basing this off the past few days? I haven't even been here."

"Yeah exactly." I swallow, staring down into my lap. "You haven't been here."

"Well... Has something happened while I've been away?" He looks concerned. "Is it something with Will?"

"No." I sigh, rubbing my thumb across my forehead as I continue to avoid his gaze. "It's nothing bad."

"So something has happened?" He frowns, trying to search me for information as I hesitate. "Michelle will you just tell me!"

"There's someone else." I squeeze my eyes shut and he falls silent, his eyes burning into my head as I continue to dip it, fiddling worriedly with the zip on my boot. The quietness is so long and so agonising that I dare to look up, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

"...Someone else?" He manages to whisper, shaking his head in denial. "What and this 'someone else' has just appeared over the past few days? Hm? Now suddenly you're crazy for them and can't stand the thought of being with me?"

"That's a bit extreme-" I begin.

"No it's not extreme!" He shouts, standing up and pacing the room as I watch him, my heart rate increasing. He eventually lets the hands fall from his face, turning to look at me, withholding his anger. "Who?"

"Robert..." I trail off, my stomach churning.

"I said, who?" He persists and I squeeze my eyes shut. This wasn't just a name, this was completely exposing myself. Practically outing myself to the person who right now, wasn't about to become my best friend.

"...Carla." I bite my lip so hard after saying the word, that I can taste the salty taste of blood, forcing myself to look back at him. He suddenly bursts out laughing, bitter laughter, which doesn't surprise me. He stares at me in disbelief, waiting for me to crack a smile, probably tell him it was all just a wind up. But instead I feel tears stinging my eyes, my expression remaining serious.

"Carla?" He almost splutters, his smile slowly fading. "Carla Connor?"

"Yes, Carla Connor." I mutter in response.

"...What the hell are you playing at?" He stares at me intensely and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. "You're being serious?" He double checks and I nod hesitantly, causing him to exhale, pacing the room again and trying to let the information sink in. "Oh wow, you're actually being serious. You're actually..." He mutters to himself, looking back at me. "You're being serious?"

"Yes Robert!" I snap, annoyed at his constant questioning.

"So what? You're a lesbian now?" He shouts and I bury my head in my hands. "Since when?"

"I'm not." I cry into them, the word hitting me hard. "I'm not, of course I'm not."

"You don't just change your mind in forty eight hours Michelle." He persists. "Not about something like that."

"It just happened." I allow tears to stream down my cheeks as I look at him weakly. "She came over here and-"

"Oh God she stayed over." He shakes his head, as if the idea completely disgusted him. "You actually told me she stayed over! In our bed? Our bed?"

"We haven't done... Anything." I try to figure out how to phrase it.

"Oh well that's good to know." He responds sarcastically, before sitting down on the coffee table, forcefully knocking the glass of champagne onto the floor. "So what? What happened? Tell me exactly how this sudden revelation came about." He insists. "Come on!"

"I don't know... I don't..." I cry, tears glazing my eyes so much the whole room is blurry.

"Yes you do know." He demands. "You do know. Else you wouldn't be telling me this right now."

"...She just... She... Kissed me." I wince, dragging the tears off my cheeks. "And I kissed her back. Ok?"

"Ah, sweet." He lowers his tone. "Michelle. You sound like you're in secondary school."

"Thanks." I scoff quietly. "How is that helping anything?"

"So you kissed?" He tries to process my words. "A drunken kiss with your best mate? That's what you're throwing us away over?"

"We were stone cold sober!" I object suddenly. "You make it sound so petty."

"Because none of this makes any sense!" He retorts. "This is insane!"

"Yeah and don't you think that's exactly what's going through my head?" I snap. "I don't understand this either. I'm terrified."

"...Bit old aren't you?" He says harshly. "To be making these decisions now?"

"Oh sorry I didn't realise there was a certain age where you had to do that." I swallow back the hurt. "This isn't a decision Robert! You told me once that you can't choose who you fall in love with."

"In love with?" He repeats, his eyes widening. "...I'm sorry, am I hallucinating? Is this a really bad dream?" He stops himself, staring at the wall for a moment, before taking my hand in his. "Michelle, you don't love her. I mean, yes, maybe as a best mate, you've said you love her like a sister before, but this? Do you understand what you're saying?"

"Completely." I respond firmly, beyond irritated that he was claiming to know me better than I knew myself. "And I might not understand how it came about or... Or what I am. But I know I love her, yes."

"Since when?" He looks completely disbelieving. "What? Since two days ago? Two weeks ago? Months? Years? You've known her all your life and you're only deciding now that you're in love with her?"

"I told you, it's not a decision." I assure him. "And I don't know... Maybe I always have. I can't explain it. It's just... I've always found her attractive-"

"All women find other women attractive." He cuts me off. "It doesn't mean they're gay."

"I'm not gay!" I shout.

"Michelle! You've just told me you're in love with another woman!" He backfires and my eyes cloud over again. "You can't be straight, and be in love with another woman!"

"I will work out who and what I am in my own time!" I retort. "I don't need you, or anybody else telling me."

"Oh except for Carla." He raises his eyebrows, her name sounding particularly bitter as it slides off his tongue. "I mean, she's the biggest slag I know. Men fall at her feet-"

"Do not call her that." I point a finger in her face. "Do not. You know nothing about her. Nothing. I've known her my entire life so do not begin to lecture me on how she thinks and feels. I've been there. I've seen it all and I know exactly what she's been through."

"She's a cheat and a liar." He continues and I stand up, unable to be near him for much longer. "She'd break your heart, just like she has everybody else's."

"I told you to shut up!" I yell, tears pouring down my cheeks as my head snaps around to face him. The room falls silent and he sighs exasperatedly, putting his head in his hands again.

"Listen, ok." He stands up, coming over to me and placing his hands on my shoulders. "Look at me." He orders gently and I reluctantly raise my head to face him. "You and me, we've got something so special. You don't really mean this. I know you don't. I know _you_. _.._ You love me. You can't fake that kind of love, you can't _,_ Michelle. This is madness. You've said yourself you don't understand it... But you understand this. See, this." He links his fingers with mine. "This fits, this works. _We_ work. Don't throw it away, please." He begs me and I look at the meaningfulness of his eyes, the desperation. This was so painful and so difficult. I could so easily give in. I could choose the easy option. But deep down, I knew. I had known what I wanted from the second Carla had said the words. I had known what I wanted from the second she stopped my tennis ball from rolling in front of a car, on the forecourt of the estate at age seven. I'd looked up, and I'd noticed her for the first time.

"...Robert I'm so sorry." I whisper, letting my hand slip out of his and his face cracks as tears formulate in his eyes.

"No." He shakes his head. "You can't... No."

"I'm so sorry." I repeat, trying to hold tears back. "I never wanted to hurt you. You've been perfect." I raise a hand to his cheek, soaking up his expression. "You're such a genuine bloke, you've treated me like gold."

"So don't go." He pleads. "Please don't go." He pulls me in, kissing me as I feel his tears stain my cheeks. I feel nothing. No butterflies. No excitement. Nothing. I didn't know how, because a week ago it was a completely different story. But from the second I'd shared the first kiss with Carla, it had clicked, and all of this was slowly fading away.

"I have to, I'm sorry." I cry, tilting my forehead against his, feeling him against me one more time before pulling away and heading into the bedroom to pack my things without looking back.

 **Carla**

"Do you actually get enjoyment out of this?" I point to the television, where I had been listening to a guy prattle on about old steam trains for about half an hour.

"Oh yes." Roy replies, fully engrossed in the programme. "Particularly the narration casted by Frank Sinatra, before his passing. He constructed a separate building modeled after a railroad depot to hold his Lionel train layout and collection. My admiration for his dedication has been somewhat extended after seeing the intricacy of it."

"...Thrilling." I respond, stirring the spoon around in my coffee and having to pull myself off the sofa with great force, my body aching as I do so. "I'm taking my meds. I know you like to be kept up to date." I pick them up off the top of the microwave as the buzzer sounds and I head towards the door.

"I can get that." He goes to stand up and I hold a hand up to stop him.

"No, no." I assure him, unsure whether I was irritated or touched at his constant fussing. "I'm up. I'm sure I'll manage."

"It will probably be Norris." He informs me. "He did tell me that my usual magazine collection date has been moved, he may have come to drop it off."

"Hello?" I sigh into the monitor.

"Carla? It's me." I immediately pick up on the tone in her voice and press the buzzer. I put the phone back into place, turning to face Roy awkwardly.

"It's uh... It's Michelle." I cough slightly.

"Well I've locked up." He replies. "So you'll need to go down."

"Oh!" I suddenly exclaim, realising I've now left her on the door step. "Sorry I'm not used to these things."

"Why do you sound nervous?" He gets up, coming over to me and I shrug, trying to calm myself down. Why was I feeling like this? How did she suddenly have this affect on me?

"I don't know." I swallow and he heads past me, opening the door.

"I can-" I begin and he waves a hand, cutting me off as he heads down the stairs.

"Take your medication." He calls back and I go back over to the kitchen, running myself a glass of water and swallowing back the tablets as the door opens again. My heart almost stops when I see her; shivering, her eyes red from crying. I instantly know. Despite my attempts to convince myself she wouldn't do it. Clearly, I had been wrong.

"Oh my..." I go over to her, wrapping my arms around her and trying to warm her up. She begins to cry into my shoulder and I hold her for a few minutes, as Roy stands shiftily next to us, debating what to do in response.

"I've done it." She finally pulls back, her tone shaky and the words hit me hard. "I've told him, it's over."

"...Seriously?" I swallow and she nods, as I brush the stray pieces of hair out of her face.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know where else to go." She glances at Roy, who turns his head to me.

"I told you, you can stay here." I assure her before meeting Roy's gaze. "...If that's ok with you?"

"Um... Yes... Yes." He stammers, even though I'd given him little choice on the matter. "I'm just going to... Check the stock... For tomorrow." He tries to relay excuses before disappearing back down the stairs, closing the door behind him.

"Come here." I sigh, guiding her over to the sofa and she puts her bag down next to her, as I place a hand on her knee. "So... What did you tell him?"

"Everything." She calms herself, clearly more comfortable now she was here. "About you."

"...And how did he take it?" I dare to ask.

"Oh he laughed in my face." She shakes her head, as I gently graze my thumb against her knee. "Why are you in a sweatshirt?"

"Ha..." I murmur quietly. "Is that the most important topic at hand?"

"It started off by him informing me that he had signed me over fifty percent of the Bistro." She begins and I narrow my eyes. "Got the champagne out and all, what a way to kick off a break up."

"Wait... He's signed half the business over to you?" I repeat and she nods hesitantly. "...Wow, I really have messed things up for you."

"Of course you haven't." She sighs. "He can have it back anyway, it's not like I signed any documentation."

"Suppose." I mutter, guilt tugging inside of me.

"...He kept telling me over and over that I was kidding myself, that I was mad, that none of it made sense." She tells me and I listen intently. "He got angry, he cried. Made me out to be petty. Kept telling me how I should feel and basically implying he knew me better than I knew myself... It was a very lengthy and agonising conversation, basically."

"Oh Chelle." I whisper and she manages a weak smile.

"He begged me to choose him." She reluctantly tells me. "But not once did I even consider that was an option... Says it all really."

"...Are you ok?" I stupidly ask, closing my eyes as soon as I've said it. "Sorry, I already know the answer to that question."

"I'm alright." She shrugs, linking her fingers with mine. "Now, anyway."

"Do you reckon he's going to tell people?" I continue.

"I don't know." She replies. "I mean, on one hand, he's got no loyalties towards me anymore, he can say whatever he likes... But then on the other, well, it's a dent to his pride isn't it? You know what men are like."

"Ironically, yeah." I smile and she emits a soft laugh. "I can't believe you've done it."

"I told you I would." She tells me. "You didn't believe me, did you?"

"I did." I nudge her. "I'm just in shock, I think."

"Yeah well that makes two of us then." She looks back at me. "So... What happens now?"

"You actually want to be with me?" I ask, the surprise wavering in my tone. "Seriously?"

"If one more person asks if I'm being serious today." She rolls her eyes, smiling all the same. "Yes, else I wouldn't have just ended it with my boyfriend, would I? Ex-boyfriend."

"...Do you realise what you're taking on?" I swallow nervously.

"I'd like to think I know you well enough by now." She reminds me.

"I know but... I'm not easy." I reply, ready to give a whole speech which she wouldn't take any notice of.

"I'm not disputing that." She teases me.

"And at the moment I'm clingy and needy and vulnerable." I continue and her face softens. "I'll probably cry on you so much, there will be days where I don't want to get out of bed. I don't eat a lot. I can get really moody and emotional. And some nights you'll just have to hold me all the time."

"Well that last one sounds like heaven to me." She replies and I feel my tummy flutter as she says it. "Try your hardest, you won't put me off. Especially not now."

"...And..." I force myself not to cry as I release the last thing. "And... I don't know whether... If..." I sigh, trying to formulate the words. "...Well, I'm dying, aren't I?"

"You're not going to die." She reassures me, so confidently I trust her.

"Ok, well... Maybe not... But I'm _dying_." The words hurt, everything hurts and I can see how much it's hurting her. "...I don't want to say this, I _really_ don't. But... There's always the chance that you could wake up one morning and I won't be... Here. Well I will be here, but... I mean-" I am suddenly cut off as I feel her lips against mine, that same warmth and comfort that I'd learnt to love the past few times this had happened. I move my hand to her hair, feeling how soft it was beneath my fingers, as she hesitantly pulls away, tilting her forehead against mine.

"I love you." She whispers, and I smile weakly. "Ok, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"I just want you to understand." I stress.

"I know, I do." She moves up to kiss my forehead, mumbling the words into my skin. "Anything you want, if you want to cry or shout or you just want me to hold you, ok?"

"I love you." I reply, our eyes meeting again as I move back in to kiss her affectionately. "...Come to bed with me."

"...Really?" She looks around the flat and I nod.

"Unless you don't want to." I worry and she laughs slightly.

"Of course I do." She plays with my hair lovingly. "I just don't want to push you."

"Michelle, I haven't had sex for nearly two years." I reply bluntly and she laughs, her eyes fixating back on mine. "I'm past that point."

"You're sure?" She checks, running a hand up my arm. "Nearly two years..." She bites her lip slightly and it sends hot chills down my spine. "That's a long time for you."

"Shut up." I nudge her, leaning in to kiss her again and pushing her back gently onto the sofa, allowing myself to fall on top of her, which she welcomes. Her hand trails along my collarbone and down to the hem of my sweatshirt, toying with it as we continue to kiss.

I hear the door suddenly click and sit bolt upright, Roy coughing awkwardly and pretending he hadn't seen anything.

"Oh God, hello." I splutter, Michelle composing herself as she flicks the hair off her shoulder. "That was a quick stocktake."

"...I have been doing it for twenty minutes." He avoids looking at either of us, clearly embarrassed by what he has just walked in on. "Uh... I can go." He points to the door again and I stand up, trying to stop the heat from radiating at my cheeks.

"Don't be silly this is your flat." I reply. "We'll just... Go in there." I point to my bedroom and he glances at the door.

"Right." He nods, shiftily and I have to bite my lip to stop the smile as I glance at Michelle. "Uh... If needed, the sofa... Has relatively comfortable sleeping facilities-"

"Yeah, no need." I stop him, wincing at my response. "...Thanks though..."

"Did you take your medication?" He looks at where the box is still lying on the table and I go over, putting it away.

"Yeah, sorry." I put it back on top of the microwave, noticing Michelle's gaze following it. Another thing I had forgotten to mention. "Ok... Well... Night Roy."

"Yes, yes, goodnight." He manages a small wave as Michelle immediately gets up, grabbing her bag and following after me.

"Oh my God." I fall onto the bed, burying my head in my hands for a moment before my head aches and a wave of nausea overcomes me. "Oh..." I sit up suddenly, watching the room spin and I immediately feel Michelle's hand on my back as I return to normality, a hand clutched to my chest.

"Hey, you alright?" She asks gently and I nod.

"Yeah sorry... Dizzy." I close my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing as I feel her hand in my hair. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising." She whispers, rubbing my back comfortingly. "Do you want some water?"

"I'm ok." I shake my head, before leaning my head on her shoulder. "That was a bit awkward wasn't it?"

"Just a bit." She replies and I move to sit cross legged on the bed. "...This can't go on long."

"What, you and me?" I smile, teasing her even though I knew exactly what she meant.

"Living here!" She corrects me. "Roy can't even look at us never mind sleep in the bedroom next door."

"Oh I feel guilty." I sigh, fiddling with the tassels on Hayley's cushion. "He's been so supportive, keeping my secret, letting me stay here, making me dinner every night. Then I'm straight away bringing my girlfriend back, making out on the sofa."

"Your what?" She grins, catching me out and I throw a hand over my mouth.

"Oh for God's sake." I close my eyes and she laughs, pulling on the hem of my sweatshirt gently and popping a quick kiss on my lips. "Stop it."

"Did you just say that without thinking?" She asks, looking pleased with herself and I shrug.

"Weirdly yeah." I sigh, giving into her, her smile making me reflect it. "Did it sound strange?"

"No, it sounded nice." She replies and we stare at each other in comfortable silence for a while.

"My head's mashed." I admit, completely overwhelmed by everything that has happened. "But you know what? This is the happiest I've felt since my diagnosis... Well, the happiest I've felt in a long time."

"Good." She strokes her fingers through my hair and the sensation relaxes me, closing my eyes momentarily and fighting the urge to just fall into her chest. I was so tired all of a sudden, I hated how it crept up on me. "You're on medication then?"

"Ery..." I begin, opening my eyes and trying to remember how to say the word through the fatigue. "Erythropoietin."

"What's that when it's at home?" She pulls a face and I shrug.

"Iron replacement or something, I don't know." I sigh. "They throw so much stuff at me during my hospital appointments, I can't remember half of what I need to take in."

"When's your next one?" She moves her hand forwards to hold mine, grazing her thumb along the back of it.

"Thursday." I feel nervous at the word, but the look on her face calms me slightly. "You can come if you want?"

"Yeah?" She looks surprised that I am offering. "Ok."

"They'll probably just say the same thing; you've got chronic kidney failure Carla, you're in need of a transplant." I imitate. "Then shove a load of leaflets in my hand as if it's going to make it all go away."

"Well if you want me to come with you, I'd like that." She tries to remain collected despite my words and I nod.

"You can see what you're taking on." I poke her lightly in the chest.

"I already know what I'm taking on." She replies. "Whatever a doctor has to say will have no impact on that."

"Quite attractive doctor, though." I tease her.

"Oh yeah?" She raises her eyebrows. "Male or female?"

"Male." I narrow my eyes, as if she'd asked a very obvious question, which in a way, she had. "You're the only woman I've ever had feelings for, I don't think that's going to change either."

"Well that's good to know." She laughs.

"No!" I realise what I've said. "I meant that I can't imagine having feelings for any other women... It's just you."

"Just me." She repeats, looking quite proud at this. "Well, likewise, all thanks to you dropping your big bombshell on me."

"I'm quite glad I told you now." I tell her. "I never, ever thought I would... And I definitely didn't think you'd react like this."

"I bet Liam and Paul are having a right laugh." She glances up at the ceiling and I follow her gaze.

"Paul would have a fit." I chew my lip. "Liam would find it absolutely hilarious. Probably wind us up for the rest of our lives... Oh dear, your parents are going to be so pleased."

"Don't even mention my parents." She groans at the thought. "I'm going to hold off from that for as long as possible."

"They thought they'd escaped me." I mumble, before realising how I'd phrased it. "Oh God sorry... I didn't mean it like..."

"Stop stressing." She combs my hair through with her fingers. "Just relax." She watches me for a moment as I close my eyes again. "You can barely keep your eyes open, babe."

"I know." I mumble, not bothering to open them. "So much for 'come to bed with me'."

"Doesn't matter." She assures me, and I manage to force my eyelids open in order to see her caring expression. "There's no rush." She watches as my eyes flutter closed again, before wrapping her arms around me and scooping me into her chest as she lies back on the pillows. She continues to play with my hair, planting kisses into it every now and then as I slowly and contently drift off to sleep.


	4. Affection

_**A/N: People asked for another update tonight, so luckily I had a day off today. It's a little shorter, but if people are enjoying I'm happy to start a proper storyline on this in the next chapter! Thank you again for your feedback! :)**_

 **Michelle**

"Mm." I hear Carla croak from behind me, turning around from brushing my hair in the mirror, to where she was opening her eyes, adjusting to the surroundings.

"Morning." I smile, lowering the hairbrush and going to sit down on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright I guess." She mutters. "Tired."

"Go back to sleep if you want?" I suggest, and she hums contently as I stroke a finger along her forehead.

"Where are you going so early?" She murmurs, eyeing me up. "You look nice."

"Ah... Thank you." I smile appreciatively. "I need to go and get the rest of my stuff and then sort out what's happening with work."

"So you've spoken to Robert then?" She assumes.

"Just a text." I assure her, getting my phone out and offering it to her, which makes her laugh slightly.

"Don't worry I trust you." She mumbles adorably, pulling the duvet up to her chin. "Although I am a bit put out if that's why you've made the effort."

"I've hardly made an effort." I scoff slightly. "Besides, who's the first person to see me this morning?" I add and she smiles slightly at my comment. "Thought we could go for lunch or something?"

"...Are you asking me on a date, Michelle Connor?" She opens her eyes and I laugh, curling the hair back behind her ear.

"If you want to call it that." I smile and I soak up the loving look she is giving me. "Let me know how you're feeling anyway."

"No, I want to go." She assures me. "Except I can't say I'll eat much... But I can enjoy the company."

"Ok, well I'll come back here beforehand, we can go into town." I tell her.

"Hey, sorry for falling asleep on you last night." She chews her lip. "...Bet this isn't the kind of steamy romance you anticipated."

"Steamy romance?" I laugh, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "It's fine. It was sweet."

"Mm." She hums, closing her eyes again and falling back to sleep. I watch her for a moment, not wanting to leave. I was desperate to stay and hold her. But I also wanted the loose ends tied up as soon as possible, and I needed to know where I stood with everything. I place another kiss into her hair before standing up, glancing back at her before leaving the room.

"Oh... Uh... Good morning." Roy stands up abruptly from where he is sat at the kitchen table. "Enjoyable... Sleep?"

"Listen thanks for putting us up, I really appreciate it." I tell him. "And don't worry, I'll be out of your hair as soon as I can be. I'll probably drag her with me mind... If I've got your blessing."

"Blessing?" He almost splutters. "Yes, yes... A-as long as Carla is taken care of."

"That's my priority." I assure him. "I know this probably all seems like a shock. It is for us, as well."

"It's really not my place to pursue involvement." He holds a hand up, before daring to look me in the eye. "But I can tell you make her happy and that, for me, is the most important thing."

"Thanks." I smile, before gathering myself and heading towards the door. "I'll be back in a few hours if her majesty is up by then."

"Bye." He mutters awkwardly, even though I know he doesn't intend to be.

* * *

"Hello." Robert mutters from the sofa as I enter. He looked completely drained, nursing a cup of coffee between his hands as he dares to look at me.

"Hi..." I shiftily close the door, putting my handbag down as I always did. "Did you get much sleep?"

"Sleep." He scoffs slightly, before shaking his head and lowering it into his hands. "I bet you slept well... Booked some posh five star hotel, did we?"

"I slept at Roy's." I correct him and he almost splutters with laughter before stopping himself.

"Oh wow, ideal set up that is." He raises his eyebrows. "I bet Roy is really pleased he's got you two... In the room next door."

"We haven't done anything yet." I stupidly tell him, despite it being none of this business.

"Ah, you taking this slow?" He mutters. "Or do you just not know where to start?"

"Oh shut up." I glare at him. "I just came here to get my stuff and sort out what's happening with the business."

"Well you're going to need a fair few suitcases." He points to the bedroom. "So I got them down from the top of the wardrobe for you."

"Oh..." I reply, surprised. "Thank you."

I watch as he sighs, trying to pull himself together before lowering the coffee cup. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I don't know why I shouldn't, but your dirty little secret is safe, ok?"

"Why?" I narrow my eyes, confused as to why he was suddenly being so nice.

"Because I might think the whole thing is a pile of rubbish, and I think it'll last about two seconds, but past the point of the break up, it's not really anything to do with me." He relays. "And I wouldn't want to ruin the awkwardness of telling your family yourself."

"...Well, thanks." I murmur, shocked at his compassion.

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be alive, so." He shrugs. "I suppose I owe you for that, even if I can't bear to look at you right now."

"You owe me nothing." I sigh and he nods, agreeing with me. "I did what any girlfriend would do, and I wouldn't swap what happened. I did love you."

"Did." He repeats, quietly. "I think you're deluded; falling completely out of love with someone and getting besotted with somebody else in the space of a couple of days."

"I haven't fallen completely out of love with you." I sigh and he looks hopeful for a moment, which is something I didn't want to entertain. "But I don't feel the same about you as I did."

"...At least it's not Steve." He manages a small smile and I laugh softly. "Uh, in regards to the business, I'm going to the solicitors today to retract the contract so the Bistro is mine again."

"I was going to say, do you need me to come and sign anything, or?" I ask, not the slightest bit bothered by his decision.

"I can't imagine so." He shrugs. "I mean you didn't sign anything in the first place. You can work there for as long as you need before you find another job."

"...Thanks." I reply, his calmness bewildering me. "I don't want to get in the way though."

"You mean you don't want to spend anymore time with me than you have to." He guesses. "I'll put us on separate shifts for the next few weeks. I don't particularly want to be around you either, if I'm honest."

"That's understandable." I clear my throat. "Are you going to tell everyone we've broken up?"

"Well I'll have to, won't I?" He replies. "You know what they're like, they're wasted working in a restaurant, they'd make brilliant detectives..." He trails off. "I'll just say we split, it wasn't working or something. The standard reason... Other than my girlfriend has moved on to women."

"It's really not-" I begin to try and excuse myself again, before realising there was no point. "I'll go and pack my stuff."

 **Carla**

"Hi, Roy let me up." I turn my head at the sound of Michelle's voice, who stacks two suitcases against the wall and I stare at them in awe.

"How did you get those up the stairs?" My eyes widen as she sits down in the armchair.

"With great difficulty." She replies, narrowing her eyes at the television. "What you watching?"

"Next Top Model." I tell her.

"Ooh." She claps her hands excitedly and I gaze at the side of her head for a minute, until she realises. "You eaten?"

"Not really." I shake my head and she sighs. "How did everything go?"

"Uh... Surprisingly alright." She seems in a more high spirited mood than anticipated, which was a good sign. "There was the occasional dig but, he's told me he's not going to say anything about us."

"Really?" I ask, surprised. "...Why's he doing that?"

"Says he owes me for everything I've done for him." She shrugs, meeting my gaze. "So at least we don't have to panic now, hey? We can do things at our own pace."

"I guess, yeah." I nod, before looking back at the television.

"Did you still want to go into town?" She asks, still watching me and I turn back to her. "If you're not feeling up to it, we don't have to."

"No, I want to." I pull myself up off the sofa, going over to the kitchen to take my medication. She stands up, coming over to me and sitting on the edge of the table as I pour myself a glass of water, studying her over the rim.

"What?" She narrows her eyes.

"Nothing." I try not to smile.

"Carla!" She objects in the same scolding and pushy tone she always does and it makes me laugh as I lower the glass.

"...You look beautiful." I mutter, my eyes darting down to the floor momentarily, before noticing her expression has softened at my words.

"Ah..." She smiles, standing up and wrapping her arms around my neck, kissing me for a few seconds. "So do you."

"Doubtful." I scoff and she shakes her head meaningfully, releasing her arms from around me. "Come on then, I need to get out the house."

* * *

"So what's the deal with work then?" I ask, twirling my fork around my plate disinterestedly.

"He said I can work there until I find a new job." She replies, studying the motion of my fork. "Are you not hungry at all?"

"Well that's good then." I avoid her question. "You can work there until Underworld reopens."

"When did you last eat?" She asks, stopping my hand and I look up at her, lowering my fork, my eyes fixated intently on hers.

"I had a cake this morning." I shrug. "Half a cake... From the café... Look I'm paying for this anyway so it doesn't really matter."

"That's not what I'm worried about." She laughs slightly. "And besides, I'm paying."

"No you're not." I argue.

"Is this how it's going to be every time we go for a meal now?" She smiles, amused at my stubbornness. "So your appointment is tomorrow?"

"Oh no, no, no." I cover my ears and she suddenly looks apologetic. "Please I don't want to talk about... That. Can't we just enjoy ourselves?"

"Yeah, of course. Sorry." She swallows, moving my hands down from my ears and I gaze around the restaurant before clasping one of them in mine. "See this is nice... What did we even used to talk about?"

"...Men." I respond abruptly and she laughs. "Got any more gossip on Kate and Rana?"

"No, but I can assure you now that she'll be shocked when she finds out." She replies. "She still down in Devon?"

"Yeah she texted me this morning; 'the boiler keeps flashing and your bread is out of date'." I imitate. "I said, Kate, that's probably because I was intending to go back after Christmas, I didn't think to throw the bread away. The fridge must be a state."

"It's only been a month." She reminds me. "Feels like longer."

"Feels like I never left." I sigh and she squeezes my hand.

"Oh God." She suddenly mutters, removing her hand from mine as I turn my gaze to where she is staring at the door, Steve and Tracy entering.

"Brilliant." I mutter and she looks back at me.

"Well it's not like they're going to clock anything is it?" She prompts me. "We go for lunch all the time, in fact you could probably jump across the table and snog my face off, they still wouldn't think anything of it."

"Don't tempt me." I smile slightly, as Steve notices us.

"Oh hello." He comes over, Tracy reluctantly following after him.

"What are you doing here?" She looks at me exasperatedly.

"Having lunch? That's usually what these places are for." Michelle sasses her.

"Hi? Are you here as a party of four?" A waitress approaches us. "I can add another table if needed-"

"No." We all shout abruptly, minus Steve, who just looks awkward.

"Ok..." The waitress trails off, walking away.

"Well we're here to celebrate my birthday." Tracy tries to tug Steve's arm away from us.

"Oh is that today?" Michelle screws her nose up slightly. "I thought I got a bad feeling about it."

"It's tomorrow actually." She rolls her eyes, before smiling sickeningly at Steve. "Thought you'd treat me early, didn't you babe?"

"Yes... Yes." Steve mutters. "By your command." He adds, looking at Michelle. "Um, has Robert had chance to talk to you about the delivery partnership yet?"

"Uh... No." She responds awkwardly. "I don't even know what that is."

"Oh well, maybe he'll tell you later then." He tries to make conversation. "It's an exciting new venture-"

"Steve, come on!" Tracy snaps and he waves awkwardly before trailing off after her.

"Miss that?" I raise my eyebrows, as soon as they're out of earshot.

"What, when I'm sat here with you? No thanks. I know which end of the deal I'd rather have." She says and I bite my lip excitedly at her words, before moving my heel up her leg. "Stop that now." She hisses, slapping my leg lightly and I laugh. "Tease."

"Do you want to get a hotel?" I lean forwards, my eyes searching hers as they sparkle slightly. "No Roy..." I play with her fingers seductively. "Interrupting us tonight... I can try not to fall asleep."

"Where has this spurred from?" She questions.

"I want you." I whisper and she dips her head slightly. "You want me too, admit it." I continue and she has to look at the wall, trying to stop the smile creeping across her face. "Admit it." I poke her hand gently.

"Stop it." She hisses, blushing slightly which I find insanely attractive. "Very full of yourself, aren't you?"

"Oh are you turning me down?" I tease her and she shoots me a look. "Please?"

"Well I'm hardly going to say no, am I?" She replies and I hum excitedly at her response. "I'm beginning to find that you're very hard to resist."

"Like you didn't already know that." I whisper, our eyes colliding for a moment.

"Are you finished with your plates?" The waitress suddenly asks and I snap away from Michelle, as if she would go and relay what she had seen to Steve and Tracy, who luckily, were situated around the corner.

"Uh, yes sorry." I cough, as she glances at mine. "Sorry, big breakfast."

"Can I get you anything else?" She looks at Michelle.

"Just the bill." She replies and she nods before walking off, as I bury my head in my hands.

"Ugh..." I groan, peeking through my fingers to watch her lean back on the table, pulling my hands away from my eyes. "Sorry..."

"Will you stop saying sorry?" She asks. "This is new to both of us, I understand."

"I bet they're complaining about me in that kitchen." I mutter. "Don't deny it, you'd do the same at the Bistro if somebody left all that food."

"Does it matter?" She asks and I shrug, as the waitress drops the bill on the table. "Come on, let's get out of here."

* * *

"Why do hotels always give you a Bible?" I call to Michelle, lying on my front on the bed as I open it. "Maybe I'll become a Christian."

"Well that's a sentence I never thought I'd hear you say." The bathroom door clicks and I continue to scan the pages, as Michelle walks in front of the mirror, towel wrapped around her. I stare at her, watching as she assembles her freshly dried hair around her shoulders, her figure so perfect. She catches my eye in the mirror, smiling slightly before looking back at her reflection. "Stop watching me."

"No." I smile, putting the Bible down and standing up, going over and tentatively pushing her hair to the side, kissing her neck. It was something I had never done before, but it felt so good as I breathe in the scent of the shower gel that she had just cleansed herself with. I dare myself to look in the mirror, shocked at the reflection which she is also staring back at, before turning around to look at me. "This is quite possibly the weirdest thing ever."

"Oh thanks." She laughs, as I grab the hem of her towel, gliding my fingers under it.

"Good weird." I mumble, looking up at her again. "Hm." I kiss her affectionately and she returns it, as I move down to kiss her neck. "You smell nice."

"Well that's hotel shower gel for you." She exhales slightly as I place kisses along her collarbone. "Carla."

"What?" I look back up at her biting my lip, noticing how she is looking at me. She swallows slightly, and my face grows serious as I lean in to kiss her again, tugging on the knot in her towel and allowing it to fall to the floor, closing my eyes momentarily before looking at her, my breath catching in my throat. "Ok, wow."

"Stop." She grabs me, playfully pushing me onto the bed, being careful not to be too forceful all the same.

"I'm going mad." I stare up at her, as our eyes scan each other's expressions. All the lust and the love and the care. "You're making me mad. I blame you."

"This was all your doing." She grazes a finger along my cheek. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Neither am I." I move a hand up the silky skin of her arm, twirling a piece of her hair around my finger. "I've fallen in love with you and it makes no sense. But I don't even care. I don't even understand how it happened... When it happened... I just..."

"Then don't overthink things." She whispers, kissing my jawline affectionately my hand moving to her back as she moves down to the sensitive spots on my neck. I sigh, embracing the feel of her lips against my skin, following her advice and letting myself slip into the cravings I had secretly desired for so long, as she gradually moves down my body.

* * *

"You're quiet." I stress, as she pours out two mugs of coffee, dressing gown now wrapped around her. She flicks her head around, smiling as she places them down on the side table, climbing back into bed. "Should I be worried?"

"No." She whispers, as I pull her dressing gown open, allowing me to rest my head in her chest. "You can tell you haven't had sex for a while."

"Michelle!" I snap, rolling onto my front suddenly so I can watch her, still leaning against her body. "Oh God... Is that how I came across? Did I seem really needy?"

"Carla, sweetheart." She laughs, trying to settle me. "Calm down."

"Oh no." I dip my head into her chest. "I probably seemed so desperate. It was rubbish wasn't it? I just-"

"Listen, listen." She cuts me off, shaking me so I force my head up to look at her amused expression. "Rubbish? Really? Sorry, were you around about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes." I mutter, completely embarrassed all of a sudden. "But it's... Different isn't it? I understand if you hated it."

"Will you stop putting words in my mouth? That was the best I've ever had." She silences me and I smile slightly as she blushes. "... _You're_ the best I've ever had."

"...Really?" I smile, suddenly relieved and she nods. "So you did like it?"

"Did it seem like I didn't?" She laughs and I close my eyes momentarily, shaking my head. "Yeah, exactly."

"Ok..." I can't stop smiling, fiddling with the necklace around her neck. I bite my lip gently, before my eyes dart upwards to meet hers. "That's always a good start... I don't really think I need to... Elaborate on how I think it went."

"I got the general idea yeah." She teases me, nudging me gently.

"I did warn you." I mumble, looking back down at where my fingers are playing with her necklace and allowing myself to completely relax around her. "I'm like a kitten, you see. I need affection and love."

"A kitten?" She repeats, massaging my scalp comfortingly and I look up to realise she is staring at me adoringly, leaning forwards to kiss my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you." I lay my head back in her chest, as she runs her fingers up and down my bare arm.

"Do you want anything?" She offers, patting the menu on the side with her spare hand and I shake my head. "Nothing at all? I'll literally go out and get it for you now."

"You're sweet." I smile slightly, content in her arms before closing my eyes as the usual thoughts invade my head, clouding my happiness once again. "You know... When you're pregnant and you just have those days when anything edible just makes you feel nauseous?"

"Yeah." She whispers, understandingly.

"Well it's like that but all the time..." I swallow. "That's the perks of my body shutting down I guess, it just rejects anything... Like I'm not in control of it anymore."

"You're the strongest person I know." Michelle whispers and I roll onto my front again, lying flat against her. "You can do this, ok? My tests are literally in a matter of days. I'll try and move everything along as fast as I can."

"Yeah and what's the possibility of you being a match, Michelle?" I murmur. "In fact I'm sort of hoping you're not because you're the most special person in my life and the fact I'm putting you in danger for selfish reasons-"

"Ok stop that now." She tilts my head to face her. "I made this decision. Me, you never asked me to do it. No matter how much you try and talk me round, it's not going to change my mind."

"I deserved this." I tell her. "It's my body's way of punishing me for all the drunken nights, the sleeping tablets, physically poisoning myself because I could-"

"Stop giving up." She begs me, the desperation in her eyes conveying how much I really meant to her. "And never say you deserved this."

"At least I've got something to fight for now." I murmur, trailing my finger along her jawline. "So what's the plan?"

"The plan?" She smiles, watching my eyes flutter closed contently at the feeling of her fingers in my hair.

"The plan for telling people, not telling people." I sigh, as she holds out an arm, pulling me into her. "How do you feel?"

"Terrified." She admits and I link our fingers, watching them intertwine perfectly. "Nervous."

"We don't have to." I reply.

"What, ever?" She muffles a laugh into my hair and I smile. "Just keep this to ourselves?"

"Sounds quite exciting." I reply, allowing my eyes to close. "Tracy's going to explode when she finds out."

"Well, let her." Michelle sighs. "What she does is none of my concern, and what anybody else says will have no impact on how I feel about you."

"Peter..." I add, going through the mental list and considering their reactions.

"Oh brilliant, yeah." She pokes my arm. "Thinking about your ex while you're in bed with me."

"No." I tilt my gaze to look at her, and she smiles, stroking a finger across my cheek. "Come here." I mumble, pushing myself up and kissing her gently. "Can we never leave?"

"What just stay here forever?" She whispers, her eyes so lovingly focused on mine. "That's a very tempting proposition, I'll tell you now."

"Thank you for everything." I whisper.

"Thank you?" She frowns.

"For everything you've done since I've been back." I tell her. "I don't just mean this; supporting me, looking after me, throwing pints at people to defend my honour. Being gentle... You know. I'm not used to being in a... Relationship." I smile slightly at the word. "With somebody who actually understands the things I've been through from day one. And... As nervous as I am, I'm also excited. Despite everything looming over me, I don't feel as lonely anymore... And like I said, I've got something to hold onto now." I finish, tapping her chest gently as she smiles. "This."

* * *

 _ **A/N: There's been a site glitch I think, hence why I've had to try and upload this so many times, so hopefully it's showing up for people now!**_


	5. Weakness

_**A/N: Unsure what happened with Fanfiction last night, but pleased people have finally managed to see the chapter! Hope people are still enjoying this and I'm not updating too quick (I get hooked on things, it's bad, but I've had a few days off), so anyway, hope you like it!**_

 **Michelle**

I wake to the smell of freshly made coffee and coconut shower gel, opening my eyes to fixate them on a figure in the window, staring out at the view. She had a mug in her hand, dark hair falling back against her shoulders, dressing gown wrapped around her thinning figure.

"How come you're up?" My words make her jump and her head flicks around to look at me, but she makes no effort to move.

"Bad dream, couldn't sleep." She replies, her attention diverting back to the window and I momentarily check the time on the clock next to me. Seven twenty nine.

"Bad dream?" I repeat, concerned as I climb out of bed, suddenly awakened by worry for her. I go over, wrapping my arms around her waist, kissing her cheek and resting my head on her shoulder. It was weirdly familiar, it wasn't the first time I had done it, but this time it meant and felt like so much more. "You should have woken me."

"You were flat out." She replies, her eyes fixated on the dimmed light of the morning, the car lights that rush through the city below, flickering office windows, magazine sellers kitted out in thermal gear. "Think I must have tired you out last night."

"Yeah you can say that again." I mumble into her skin as I kiss the revealed portion of her shoulder. "What are you thinking about?"

"Life..." She trails off, not removing her eyes from the scene in front of her. "All the lives these people are living, how different they are, their stories, their dreams, their futures... Or lack of futures."

"That's quite deep for this time in the morning." I brush her hair to the side, breathing in the scent of her shower gel.

"Well when you're hit with the brink of life... Your thoughts tend to drift more." She manages a weak smile and I force myself not to cry, my throat aching at the impact. "I'd like to think it's a talent." She finally closes her eyes momentarily, turning around to face me and noticing my expression. "Oh Chelle, come here." She whispers, pulling me into her and wrapping her arms around me. I continue to withhold tears, the comfort of the gentle swaying sensation making it difficult to do so.

"Hey." I pull away, cupping her face bravely and I can see how weak she looks. "We have got such a long future, ok? This is just a stepping stone. Alright?" I murmur firmly and she nods, agreeing with me either because she wanted to, or because she knew I wouldn't accept any other response.

"...I'm scared." She swallows, tears springing into her eyes as she lets the barrier down again. "I'm scared of pain, I'm scared of never waking up... I'm scared of hurting you."

"I know." Is what I respond with, because I knew that trying to tell her not to be would be pointless. She was facing the most terrifying challenge ahead and until that was over, the sickening twist of fear, whether we tried to distract ourselves or not, wouldn't disappear. "Do you trust me?" I whisper and she nods confidently, which makes me smile slightly. "Ok then trust that I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." I move a hand down, to take hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I am going to be right by your side. Do you remember that time I came over to your flat after school, and you'd been in bed with the flu all day?" I reminisce and she emits a small muffled laugh at the recollection, answering my question. "I thought you'd just skived off again... But then when I saw you were ill I went and stole that bar of chocolate from the newsagents, then sat by your bed all night?"

"You know Rob was fuming we didn't share that with him?" She replies, a small smile on her cheeks. "You didn't leave that night. You could have caught it."

"I did catch it!" I nudge her gently. "That's the price I was willing to pay, to make sure you were alright. To make sure you got better and that you were looked after... And I know I'm not going to catch this... But the point still stands; I will do anything and everything to make sure you get better. That's a promise."

"Michelle..." Her eyes fill with tears as they silently roll down her cheeks. "Thank you." She tries to brush them off her cheeks as I gently pull her forwards, wrapping my arms around her protectively as she cries into my shoulder.

* * *

"Well that is nice to drive." I tap the steering wheel of Carla's car as we pull into the space at the hospital, trying to distract her mind from why we were here. "Dread to think how much it cost."

"Sixty five." She winces slightly and my mouth falls open. "Well, you've said yourself, it's smooth."

"Yeah but sixty five grand?" I repeat, in awe and she looks guilty for a moment. "Well you deserve to treat yourself." I pat her knee. "Even if it is an expensive treat."

"Mm." She rests her head on the window, staring out at the building to the side of her.

"So how are you going to introduce me then?" I tap her shoulder.

"As my dog." She turns back to me, giving me a weird look and I slap her gently on the leg.

"How romantic." I narrow my eyes and she manages a weak smile. I can tell she's bricking it, I could read her like a book. "You ready?"

"No, but do I have a choice?" She sighs, opening the passenger door and stepping out. The cold, January air hits me and I lock the car for her, passing her the keys which she shoves in her bag, shifting it onto her shoulder and folding her arms, walking alongside me in silence. The nerves inside me were building as we approach the door, so I can't imagine how she must be feeling. "One minute." She leans back against the wall, catching her breath and I glance at her, concerned.

"Here." I hold out a bottle of water from my bag and she smiles appreciatively, taking it from my grip. "Ok?" I check, raising a hand to her forehead and she nods, humming slightly at the contact.

"Thanks." She hands me the bottle back. "I'm just getting old."

"Don't look it." I raise my eyebrows and she stares at me for a minute before I begin walking again. I feel her hand find mine, a flutter of butterflies escaping in my stomach as I tilt my head to look at her. Her gaze hesitantly does the same and we stare at each other contently for a moment, before continuing to walk hand in hand.

"Hi, Carla Connor." She reluctantly leans on the counter, letting go of my hand as we reach the reception. "Uh, here to see Dr. Matthews."

"Ok." She scans the computer screen. "Yeah he's ready for you, you know where you're going?"

"Unfortunately." She mutters before leading me along a corridor, closing her eyes momentarily before knocking on a door.

"Hi Carla." A friendly looking doctor greets her, glancing past her at me. "Hello?"

"Michelle." She coughs slightly, pointing at me. "My... Girlfriend."

"Oh." He looks surprised, which doesn't shock me. "You haven't mentioned that you have a partner."

"Well... I don't come here to talk about my love life." She manages a laugh, which I struggle to believe is genuine as she sits down opposite him. I take the liberty of doing the same, lowering my bag next to me, looking up to notice he is holding his hand out, which I shake obediently.

"Oh, hi." I mumble, as he sits back in his chair and I glance at Carla's worried expression, reaching for her hand under the desk.

"So, how have you been feeling?" He pulls up something on the computer.

"I ache a lot." Carla shrugs and I can tell she's trying to act strong for my benefit. "And um, quite a bit of chest pain... Dizziness... Nausea, I'm tired a lot. It's all fun and games."

"She's not eating either." I add, knowing she wouldn't thank me for it as she shoots me a look.

"You really should try to eat small meals." He sighs, studying her. "Even if the idea doesn't appeal to you."

"I'd just throw it back up." Carla responds bluntly.

"I know it might make you feel nauseous, but sickness might not necessarily lead on from that." He explains. "In fact, in most cases, the nausea can be decreased by eating dry foods."

"Dry foods." I say out loud, making a mental note and she rolls her eyes.

"How are you doing with your medication?" He continues to ask.

"I really don't think it's doing anything." She replies. "Nothing for the pain anyway, I don't know what it's doing on the inside."

"It'll be increasing your iron levels, which is something you're struggling to uphold with your condition." He evaluates. "I've got your blood results from last week, hold on."

"Do I need to have more today?" She asks, folding her arms.

"Probably." He scans the records, going quiet for a moment and I notice Carla swallow, knowing that couldn't be a good sign. "...I think I'm going to up your dosage of the Erythropoietin, your levels are considerably low. You need to be eating foods such as fish, beans, nuts, they're all good for boosting that."

"Considerably low?" She ignores his last comment and he studies her for a moment. "Come on tell me, what's the point in secrets?"

"Have you spoken to anybody about your condition yet?" He sighs, leaning forwards on the desk and she points to me. "I mean, somebody to donate?"

"Oh I've got tests in a few days." I pipe up.

"For kidney donation?" He checks and I nod, as he shifts his gaze back to Carla. "Even so, you'll have more of a chance asking somebody of a blood relation." He tells her and Carla coughs awkwardly, staring down into her lap. "...I understand this is hard... But I'm only saying this because I have to, Carla. You need to start acting fast."

"...Well what does that mean?" My voice is shaky, as Carla continues to dip her head.

"I think we all know that time is of a virtue here." He is careful as he phrases it, but I know exactly what he means. "I can't force you to do anything, but the need for this transplant is intensifying... Your body won't be able to cope with this for a long period..."

"How long?" Carla looks up at him and I feel my body go numb.

"I can't say exactly." He tries to divert the question.

"How long?" She presses him, exaggerating the words and he sighs, looking at me.

"...We're looking at months." He admits and my breath catches in my throat. "Maybe less... Like I said, I can't tell you for definite."

"Less?" My eyes widen, panic striking in my chest as I force my head around to look at Carla. "You need to tell Aidan and Kate."

"That's not really your decision." She just mutters in response, trying to hide the shock and fear in her expression. "Is it?"

"Well maybe not but I love you and there is absolutely no way I'm letting this go on for longer." I insist and she shakes her head, staring at the floor.

"I knew I shouldn't have brought you here." She mumbles. "You're going to be just like Roy now, going on at me every five minutes."

"And why, Carla? Because believe it or not there's people that care about you!" I snap and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying not to cry and I soften, looking back at the doctor, who was watching us awkwardly. "So... Right ok, is there anything else we can do? I mean there's got to be something."

"We." Carla scoffs.

"Yes, _we_." I cut her off, slightly more harshly than intended. "You said about increasing medication, will that help?"

"The medication isn't a cure, it's a crutch." He tells me. "But increasing the dosage will continue to numb the pain, as well as try to assist your strength... Look, all I can do is be honest here and say that, there really is only one option, and that needs to be acted on now, if you want a successful outcome."

"A successful outcome?" Carla finally looks up, tears glistening in her eyes. "What do you think this is? A business meeting? An afternoon betting on the horses?" She snaps, before standing up, the chair screeching agonisingly as she storms out. I swallow, the lump in my throat reappearing as I try to process the information, reluctantly standing up.

"I'd better..." I point to the door, looking at him awkwardly. "I'll just be a moment." I add and he nods as I leave, practically running down the corridor and trying to remember which way Carla lead me. I hear the familiar noise that breaks my heart, whipping my head around to see her sat against the wall, head in hands, knees pulled up to her chest. "Hey, hey." I whisper, kneeling down and wrapping my arms around her. "I'm sorry, sorry." I repeat as she cries into me, soaking my top, which was the least of my concerns. I try to steady my thoughts as I rock her soothingly, processing the information that had just been thrown at me.

"Chelle you may as well back out now, there's no point." She mumbles into me and it hurts even though I knew she didn't mean it.

"There's every point." I tell her reassuringly. "And I'm not backing out of anything, so don't even try that."

"Months." She breathes, weakly as I pull back, studying her broken expression, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she tries to steady her breathing. She looked so innocent, so scared, it had been a long time since I'd seen her like this. "...It's been a month since Christmas... That's how long? That's how..." She swallows, shaking as she thinks it through. "Oh God... I'm going to die. I'm going to die."

"You're not." I shake my head, forcing myself not to believe it as tears pour down her cheeks. "What is this negativity doing?"

"It's not negativity, it's the truth." She whispers, her voice unbearably shaky. "He said it, he's a trained professional, Michelle."

"He also said you need to tell people." I try to insist, not wanting to push her when she was so weak, but I knew I needed to. "You need this transplant, Carla."

"And what if Aidan and Kate aren't a match?" She stares at me intently. "Or you, or whoever else wants to risk their life for me? What are the chances? Really?"

"Ok, breathe for me." I try to settle her, gently grazing a finger across her cheeks to wipe the stray tears. "Just try to calm down for a minute. Alright?"

"I bet this is a low point in your life." She swallows, glancing up the corridor. "Sitting on the floor of a hospital, having someone stain your top with their leaking mascara... Oh God sorry." She rubs my top, looking at it apologetically and I move her hand away.

"You say 'someone' like I've just bumped into you in the toilets." I brush the hair out of her face. "You're the woman I love, of course it's not a low point."

"The woman you love." She smiles slightly and it makes me return it, nodding slowly. "Can we go home? Please? I want to go home."

"Well we haven't finished the appointment yet." I say softly.

"Oh Michelle I've been to so many of these." She moans. "All he'll do now is tell me the same thing over and over, until it's firmly lodged in my head."

"Well maybe that's what you need." I prompt her. "Besides, he said he was going to prescribe you more medication."

"I just want to lie in bed." She sighs, her eyes darting around the corridor. "With you."

"And we can do that, after the appointment." I tell her and she moves her gaze back to me. "Please?"

"...Only because you're very persuasive." She mutters and I stand, holding a hand out to pull her up. "I bet I look like death... No pun intended."

"You look beautiful." I kiss her meaningfully. "I promise you."

 **Carla**

"Ah, I was beginning to wonder where you might be." Roy greets as we enter the flat, studying my expression and immediately clocking something was wrong. "Has something happened?"

"No." I wrap my arms around myself defensively, going over to the sofa to sit down, exhaling at how exhausted I now was. "Everything's fine."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe..." He trails off and I look at where he is now glancing at Michelle for some kind of explanation. "You had your appointment today?"

"Yep." I mutter, pulling the throw over my lap and leaning back against the arm of the sofa.

"Carla, tell him." Michelle sighs, coming over and lifting my legs so she could sit down, allowing me to rest them over her lap.

"Ok well he basically told me that in a few months I'll be dead." I reply blankly and the room falls silent, as I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I hadn't said it in the way I had. I was hurting everybody else, because it was hurting me, neither of them deserved that. Not even a tiny bit. "...If I don't get the transplant."

"Well it's not like we weren't already informed of that information." Roy mutters bitterly and I roll my eyes. "I have been telling you for weeks to tell your family. How long are you going to leave it? How many times do you need to be told; you're dying, before you actually do something about it?"

"I am doing something about it!" I snap, begging myself not to cry again. It tired me out more, it made me feel weaker. "I'm getting out of bed everyday, even if I don't want to. I'm going to my appointments, taking my medication."

"You're trying to do it on your own." Roy corrects me.

"Oh well I certainly wasn't last night." I scoff slightly, causing Michelle to chew her lip at my comment, and as Roy slowly catches up with what I meant, he coughs awkwardly, removing his gaze from the pair of us.

"If you could keep that information between yourselves-" He begins.

"Why? Does it bother you?" I ask aggressively and Michelle puts a hand firmly on my knee. "Weird, is it?"

"Carla, stop it." She demands and I silence myself, noticing how much I have upset Roy and hating myself for it.

"Sorry..." I mumble, guilt wrenching inside of me as I stand up, going over to him. "I didn't mean that... That was unnecessary."

"You know I will support you, no matter what decisions you make, no matter who with." He looks at Michelle momentarily and I nod, placing my hands on his shoulders. "Please stop deciding how other people will think and feel, Carla. You're continuing to pursue it with Michelle and I, as well as making assumptions on how your brother and sister will react to your condition."

"Ok, ok." I sigh, letting go of him and pacing the room for a moment. "Look, I've got some leaflets." I rummage in my bag. "Let me just... Read through them, rather than just shove them in a drawer, and then I'll make a plan of action. Is that ok with both of you?"

"I must phone Mary and cancel our arrangements for this evening." He heads towards the telephone and I narrow my eyes.

"Cancel your plans?" I repeat. "What plans?"

"Well she booked tickets for us to see the Northern Chamber Orchestra this evening." He explains, typing out a number into the phone. "It was a Beethoven and Mozart night, with some of the classics from-"

"Right ok, but why do you need to cancel?" I prompt him, knowing I didn't need a lecture on the history of classical music, now of all times.

"Well... You are in no fit state." He points to me, indicating to the stained mascara which probably still lined my cheeks from earlier.

"Yeah, just as I thought." I take the phone out of his hand, my assumptions validated. "You're going."

"Well I..." He stammers. "I don't feel I should."

"Look, Michelle's here, I'll be fine." I sigh, and he looks at her worriedly, watching as she gives him a reassuring smile.

"I'll make sure she doesn't run riot." She jokes and he hesitates, looking back at me.

"Well if you're sure?" He checks and I nod confidently. "Well then... I'd better go and change into my suit."

* * *

"You know the people in these leaflets always look so together and perfect." I mutter as I flick through. "They could have chosen some worse looking ones to pretend they've got kidney failure... It doesn't fill me with much self-confidence."

"Oh yeah because you're awful to look at, you." She teases me sarcastically, handing me a plate which I reluctantly accept. "That's why all the men on this street have lusted after you for years."

"Well they lost out this time." I mutter, staring down at the sandwiches on my plate. "What's in these?"

"One is ham, one is cheese, one is just bread and butter." She tells me, sitting down in the chair next to me and I gaze at her lovingly. "Thought I'd do you a selection because you'd turn your nose up at whatever I chose otherwise."

"...Ugh." I groan, picking at the crust. "You're not going to take no for an answer are you?"

"Nope." She smiles, watching me pick one up hesitantly and bite into it, almost gagging at the nausea that overcomes me. "Oh God, you ok?" She kneels in front of me, pulling the plate from my hand and I take a deep breath, trying to make the churning of my stomach stop.

"I can't, I can't sorry." I have to close my eyes to put the sandwich back and I reopen them to see how worried and pained she looks at my reaction. "I'm trying."

"I know, it's ok." She puts the plate down on the coffee table and I cover my face with my hand, beginning to shake again. "Come here." She sits down next to me, pulling me into her chest as I curl up into a ball, clutching her top. "Sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you."

"I want to eat, I know I need to." I murmur, staring at the plate, wishing I could stomach it. "I know it's not helping."

"Are you hungry?" She asks, rubbing a hand up and down my back comfortingly.

"Oh I don't even know anymore." I mutter and she releases me, standing up and going to check Roy's cupboard's.

"Uh... Crisps?" She looks back at me and I shake my head. "Tuna? Rice?" She moves to the fridge. "Lettuce?"

"It's like I'm pregnant." I point out, watching her sift through the contents of stock.

"Let's hope you're not." She flashes me a smile.

"I think that would be the immaculate conception." I reply and she laughs slightly. "Maybe chips?"

"Chips?" She raises her eyebrows, turning to look at me. "Ok, well I'll be five minutes then." She grabs her purse off the table.

"Michelle, I was joking!" I exclaim, suddenly feeling bad.

"Well I'm not." She leans down to kiss the top of my head, pulling her coat off the stand and I stare at her in awe, touched at her desire to care for me. I didn't even mind, usually I'd push somebody away for letting me feel like the weaker one. But it made me feel safe and special, and right now, that was a comfort to me. "You'll be ok?"

"I'm sure I'll manage." I reply, as she comes over to me, leaning on the back of the sofa. "Can I have no salt or vinegar-"

"I know." She whispers, kissing my nose before standing up and heading towards the door.

* * *

"Ok, if you don't want them, that's fine." She leaves the bag on the table, picking up a leaflet and sitting down to read it. I lean forward, hesitantly picking one up and studying it, before taking a bite.

"...I made a good decision picking you." I tell her, as I swallow, my body aching at the fact I was actually rewarding it for once.

"Picking me?" She laughs to herself.

"Like a flower." I smile, finishing it off and she watches me.

"Yay." She claps her hands and I shoot her a look. "I'm very proud of you."

"Proud of me? For eating chips?" I question and she nods, as I take another one, biting into it. "Bet that doesn't compare to Vogue, does it?"

"You know Aidan and Kate have each got a 50% chance of being a half match and a 25% chance of being a full match?" She reads, looking up at me.

"Yeah a 25% chance." I prompt her. "One in four."

"Yes and you've got two siblings." She points out, continuing to read. "Perfectly matched kidneys will continue to function for over thirty five years."

"You sound very calm." I observe.

"Hopeful." She corrects me, before lowering the leaflet and studying me. "But I'm glad it seems that way."

"I know you're not." I reply. "I know you're secretly terrified."

"Yeah, I am." She admits and I swallow. "I'm desperate, because I'm not losing you."

"You really mean that, don't you?" I sigh and she nods her head. "...Will you come with me, when I tell them? Ask them..."

"Obviously." She smiles, looking pleased at my decision. "When?"

"Tomorrow." I swallow, nerves creeping up on me and her expression softens. "...I have to, don't I?"

"Yes." She replies gently.

"I just don't know how I'm going to phrase it." I contemplate. "It's not really the kind of conversation you have over your cornflakes, is it? 'Oh by the way I was just wondering if any of you had a spare kidney I could borrow. And while we're at it, I'm also sleeping with Michelle."

"Well aren't you sweet, darlin'?" She rolls her eyes and I smile slightly. "Leave the second one, it's not the priority right now. You do realise, they're going to do everything they can? They love you."

"...Do you think I'm weak?" I stupidly ask and she frowns at my question.

"Never." She says, so meaningfully that I go warm for a moment. "I told you, you're the strongest person I know."

"...Can you hold me?" I murmur and she smiles slowly, getting up and coming to sit next to me, as I fall into her chest, her arms fastening around me.

"Always." She whispers, planting kisses into my hair, allowing my eyes to slowly close again.

 **Michelle**

The low hum of the television was relaxing in the background, as I watch Carla sleep, her head in my chest. Her dark hair was shadowing her content expression, the soft rise and fall of her chest so valued. I had never cared about somebody so much, alongside Ryan and Ruairi, but I'd known that from the very start. That was something that had never changed.

"I must say, the production of the ensemble tonight was particularly pleasurable-" Roy begins, as the door opens and I turn to hold a finger to my lips, immediately cutting him off. He fixates his eyes on where I am holding Carla for a moment, his expression softening as he moves towards me. "She's asleep?"

"Yeah." I smile, stroking her hair back affectionately and I notice how he is watching me in amazement, his eyes drifting to the coffee table.

"She's eaten?" He continues, as if she was his dog that he had left in somebody else's care for a few hours.

"It was a hard task but at least she's had something." I tell him quietly and he manages a small smile. "I'll clear those up, sorry."

"No, please, she is comfortable." He stops me from getting up, pausing before sitting down in the armchair, judging what is on the television for a moment. "...I want to apologise, if I have seemed any less than understanding of your... Relationship."

"Not at all, Roy." I frown, keeping my voice low.

"I feel I may have handled it in a maladroit way." He continues, studying Carla. "That was never my intention. I am aware of the impact you have had on her life and I am endlessly grateful that she has got you."

"Well likewise." I reply. "You're like a dad to her, she idolises you."

"Johnny is her father." He corrects me.

"Biologically maybe." I respond. "But who's been there for her over the years? Who did she tell her secret to before anybody else?"

"Well she is my top priority." He tells me. "As I'm sure she is yours."

"Yeah." I nod, pausing and checking she is asleep. "She's decided to tell Aidan and Kate tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" He almost splutters in shock. "And you think she will?"

"I think she has to Roy." I whisper. "...You should have heard the doctor today. He literally said this is her last chance. She knows, we all know... That if she doesn't act now... That's it."

* * *

 _ **Loads of love to you all for your kind words, I really appreciate it!**_


	6. Fear

_**A/N: Trying to incorporate some of the current storylines to make it more realistic, so you may pick up on that in this! This is sort of a collab of Monday/tonight's episodes (obviously I haven't seen tonight's but the theme is there). Thanks so much to everyone reading x**_

 **Carla**

"Morning." I close the door to the flat stairs, the bustle of customers in the café filling my senses.

"Afternoon." He checks his watch. "In seventeen minutes."

"I know, I know." I wince. "I couldn't believe the time when I looked at the clock."

"You were asleep when I arrived back last night." He informs me. "At nine thirty."

"Well I didn't get much kip the night before." I sigh, noticing his expression. "I didn't mean it like that... Anyway." I cough. "What time did Michelle go out?"

"She told me she was going to work." He tells me, holding out a tea cake on a plate and I pick up a napkin, wrapping it up. "Somehow I feel that won't make it to where I intended it to."

"Probably not if I throw it up onto the street, no." I put it down, giving up. "Look, I'll have a cake."

"I've told you before, a cake is not a proper breakfast." He sighs, as I help myself anyway. "Chips last night, cake this morning. This is not a healthy lifestyle."

"I think we can both agree my lifestyle isn't healthy at the moment, Roy." I respond and he refuses to reply, continuing to ladle bacon onto a tray. "Anyway I'd better go, I've got a meeting with Aidan."

"Michelle tells me you're planning on talking to him today?" He turns around.

"Can't have a meeting without talking, can we?" I try to joke, but he looks displeased. "That's the intention, yes."

"'Intention' doesn't make it sound very promising." He inserts.

"I've got to go." I kiss him on the cheek, heading towards the door and almost bumping into someone as they suddenly round the corner. I look up hesitantly, my eyes focusing on Toyah's awkward expression. "Hi."

"Hi." She mutters at exactly the same point and we stare at each other for a moment. "Um... Look I'm sorry about what happened. Um... You and Michelle can consider yourselves unbarred."

"Mm." I just mumble in response, forcing a smile as I nod.

"I shouldn't have accused you." She adds, not understanding how wrong her accusations were at this point in time.

"No you shouldn't." My eyes drift to the floor, before looking back up at her casually. "You know if Peter were the last man on Earth, I'd be building myself a rocket."

"Well, you don't have to worry about Peter-" She begins.

"No I don't." I assure her, fed up of this conversation already, as I head past her. "It's your job now." I insert, as she swerves to the side in order to avoid me. "Trust me." I mutter under my breath, stepping out onto the street. I hesitate for a moment, looking off down the road and pulling my phone out of my pocket.

 _Text Message:_

 _To: Aidan_

 _Change of plan, the Rovers is fine now. Had a run in with Toyah, be five mins x_

"Oh hello." My head shoots upwards at the voice that is music to my ears and I turn to see Michelle heading towards me. "Have you just woken up?"

"Well I wouldn't say 'just'..." I trail off. "Half an hour ago, yeah."

"Lazy." She nudges me and I glance up the street, noticing Gary and Nicola not far away, causing me to push my urges to kiss her to the side. "At least you got a decent sleep."

"I know sorry." I bite my lip. "Roy said you were up with me when he got home."

"That's what I'm for." She shrugs and I tilt my head to the side.

"You been to see your ex?" I point to Victoria Court, trying not to sound bitter at the thought.

"Uh, as if." She replies. "Johnny actually."

"Johnny? Why?" I stress, my eyes widening in panic.

"Babe, relax." She puts a hand on my shoulder. "I owed him twenty quid from the other day."

"Oh." I respond, relief washing over me.

"What did you think I was going to do?" She raises her eyebrows. "Calm."

"I can't calm, my nerves are shot." I fiddle with the belt on my leather coat. "I'm going to ruin everything."

"Not everything." Her eyes sparkle slightly and I smile, letting my fingers slip through her hair.

"Hey I've got some not so bad news." I change the subject and she looks excited for a moment. "We've been unbarred from the Rovers. High five." I hold my hand up and she gives me a withering look.

"I thought you were actually going to tell me something interesting then." She reluctantly taps her hand against mine.

"Ooh, sorry." I narrow my eyes at her.

"Look I best go, I've got a meeting with Aidan like... Five minutes ago."

"Well I'm going back to work anyway, so." She points, linking my arm and dragging me along with her. "Any point in asking if you've eaten?"

"A cake." I reply. "Half a cake, a bite of a cake... No."

"Well when you've finished your meeting, come to the Bistro and I'll get them to make you something." She tells me. "Are you going to talk to Aidan and Kate separately?"

"May as well do it at the same time." I sigh, the sickening feeling increasing at the thought. "I'll just ask them to come to the Bistro, if I'm still welcome there. You on shift with Robert?"

"Unfortunately." She sighs. "Zeedan has called in sick so he's got to cover. I think it's just to look after Alya though. Not coping well, is she?"

"Well we both know how it is." I mumble as we reach the Rovers. "I'll see you later."

"Love you." She squeezes my hand for a moment and I smile, glancing up the street before kissing her cheek quickly.

"Love you." I respond before disappearing into the pub.

 **Michelle**

"Two quiches to table ten." Robert tells me, bluntly and I gaze at the tab for a moment, dazed by the letters in front of me. "Michelle, I've just told you!"

"What?" I look up at him, narrowing my eyes and noticing Daniel watching us awkwardly.

"Table ten." He persists, fury in his tone. "Two quiche specials."

"Yeah I can see it says here." I tap the slip, putting it in the bucket and picking them up off the rack.

"Well take them then." He huffs, proceeding to chop up some fish with particular force.

"I'll take them." Daniel steps in front of me, taking them from my hands and disappearing. I study Robert for a moment, the intensity of the knife in his hand, the chopping board creaking slightly with every blow.

"What's the matter with you?" He mutters, so quietly I barely hear him. "I thought you'd be on cloud nine."

"Just got a lot on my mind." I mumble, folding my arms defensively as I wait for the next lot of food.

"What, like how you're going to come out of the closet-" He cuts himself off as the door to the kitchen swings open and Daniel enters, narrowing his eyes at us. "That was quick, did you give them cutlery?"

"Yes." He replies. "Who's coming out of the closet?"

"Joke." I just mutter, although he looks slightly disbelieving. "A very poor one at that, he's talking about how many pairs of shoes I had in there..."

"Pfft." Robert scoffs to himself slightly.

"Right..." Daniel trails off and I dip my head.

"Aren't there some plates that need clearing out there?" I point to the door.

"Well Robert tells me you're not my boss anymore." He leans back against the sink cockily. "Apparently you're demoted back to a waitress."

"Fine by me." I shrug and he searches me for more information about the break up, which I had no intentions of giving him. "Plates?"

"You do it." He points to the door, grinning as if trying to joke with me, which I wasn't in the mood for. "Waitress."

"Daniel, just go and check if anything needs clearing." Robert snaps, and he does so obediently, the sudden whir of the blender making me jump as he jams his finger down onto it. "Whoops, that was a close one."

"You're not funny." I snap. "If you're going to expose me, just do it. Don't wind me up about it. That's not fair."

"I'll tell you what's not fair, Michelle." He stops the blender abruptly. "Telling somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with them, giving them hope when they think they could die. Then a few weeks later, shattering that to pieces." He turns to face me and I feel sick at his words, hitting me harder than he knew. "At least Carla hasn't got that kind of baggage, hey?"

"You really know nothing." I mumble, staring at the floor.

"Well I say that, she's got more baggage than Manchester airport, but at least she wasn't faced with a death sentence, hey?" He continues and I force my mouth shut, so I don't say something I regret. "Apart from maybe wanting to chuck herself off a cliff... You'll break her heart or she'll break yours."

"I love Carla." I snap, defensively.

"Yeah and you loved me too." He rolls his eyes. "You don't love her, you're just flattered, Michelle."

"I _love_ Carla!" Iexaggerate as the door opens again and Daniel stares at us blankly.

"How is Carla?" Daniel clearly doesn't catch on. "Haven't seen her in a while, we were getting close."

"Close?" I repeat, trying not to laugh. "What do you mean, close?"

"Oh maybe you should ask her out for a drink?" Robert suggests and I glare at him. "I'd get in there fast though, there's a few people queuing up for her."

"What? Like Peter?" He screws his nose up at the thought.

"Oh, yes forgot about Peter." Robert sounds excited and I grit my teeth together, before storming out of the kitchen. I lean against the bar, laying my head flat against the cool granite.

"So come on then." Daniel's voice follows me as he flicks a pen against his fingers. "Why did you and Robert split?"

"Just grew apart." I mutter in response.

"No, the real reason." He pesters me. "Did you cheat on him?"

"No." I snap, abruptly.

"Did he cheat on you?" He continues. "When he went away? Because that's when everything went sour."

"Remind me why this is any of your business?" I whip my head around, as the door flies open and I clap eyes on Johnny, out of breath as he paces towards me.

"Michelle, I didn't know whether you'd be working or not." His panic sets me on edge.

"What's the matter?" I stare at him intently.

"Carla's been rushed to hospital." His words hit me like a brick as I stand there stunned, my heart almost stopping.

"What?" I splutter, my palms instantly sweating.

"I don't know why... Apparently she collapsed in the Rovers." He breathlessly relays and I grab my bag, heading around the bar. "Aidan told me to tell you, Kate's gone to find Roy."

"Right come on." I try to calm myself, my head pulsating with fear as I turn to look at Daniel. "Tell Robert where I've gone." I don't even wait for his reaction before practically running up the street, pulling a set of car keys out of my bag.

"That Carla's car?" He studies it as I unlock it.

"Yep."

"You've got her keys?"

"Yep."

"Are you allowed to drive it?"

"Yep." I continue to reply, pulling the door open and starting the engine. "Is she awake? Johnny, do you know if she's awake?"

"I don't know... I wasn't there." He stammers. "Aidan seemed to say she passed out. He went in the ambulance with her."

"Phone him." I demand as I speed off recklessly up the street and he winces slightly at my driving. "I said phone him, Johnny. Now."

"She might just be drunk." He hopes.

"She's not drunk." I swallow, keeping half an eye on the road as he puts the phone on loud speaker.

"Dad? Hi." I can hear how worried Aidan's voice is and it doesn't help the sick feeling in my stomach.

"Aidan, it's Michelle." I force my words out, my hand beginning to shake on the steering wheel, the leather clammy beneath it. "Are you in the ambulance? Is Carla awake?"

"I'm in the ambulance with her. She's still unconscious." He stresses. "They're trying to work out what's going on."

"Right well..." I trail off, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment and trying to figure out what to do in a second of madness. "...Right you need to tell them she's got kidney failure."

"What?" Johnny splutters, as Aidan does exactly the same down the phone.

"Kidney failure, tell them now." I demand and I can hear him hesitate before there is a quiet mumble in conversation. Johnny's face grows paler and I glance at him apologetically. "Aidan, what have they said?"

"...Uh, they've said it makes more sense." His tone wavers, as I tap the steering wheel impatiently at the red traffic lights. "...Michelle, are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." I snap, pulling away on the amber light and navigating towards the hospital.

"We're here." He tells me.

"Well we're not far behind." I reply, avoiding Johnny's desperate expression. "Look I'll explain when we get there ok? Aidan she's breathing isn't she? She's ok?"

"She's breathing yeah." He sounds shocked. "Michelle I've got to go."

"Kidney failure?" Johnny instantly pipes up as soon as he's ended the call. "Why hasn't she said anything?"

"She hasn't said anything to anyone." I assure him. "Except me and Roy." I phrase his name carefully, knowing it would secretly hurt him.

"Well how bad is it?" He persists.

"...Bad." I swallow, deciding there was no point in hiding the truth now that I'd given it away. "Chronic."

"Oh my God." He buries his head in his hands. "Like..."

"Like in urgent need of a transplant, bad." I pull into the car park, not caring about whether I'm correctly in a bay or not as I turn the engine off. "She was going to tell you today." I slam the door, locking it.

"Well how long have you known?" He pesters me, trying to keep up with my pace and panting slightly, probably due to his condition. "Not long. Roy's known a few months."

"Michelle?" Aidan shouts as soon as we reach the waiting room and I run over to him, as he hugs me tightly.

"What's going on? Where is she? What have they said?" I panic, aware I was firing questions he probably wouldn't even know the answers to.

"After I told them... What you told me, they said they need to run some tests... I don't know, they wouldn't let me go in." He stammers. "Kidney failure? She hasn't... She would have said."

"Look she was going to, today, ok?" I try to reassure him, but he searches me for more answers. "Sit down." I point to the chair and he does so hesitantly, Johnny following, as I sit down opposite them. "She's been suffering for a while, putting it off because she's scared. Really scared."

"Michelle, one minute she was at the bar, and the next she was on the floor." He tries to gather is thoughts. "I didn't even understand what happened, Rana had to try to wake her up, told us to call an ambulance."

"And she hasn't said anything?" My heart pounds in my chest. "Opened her eyes? Anything?"

"No." He shakes his head, close to tears. "How critical is it? I mean she's not going to... She couldn't?"

"...She needs a transplant." I reveal to him and he covers his mouth with his hand. "You and Kate are her best chance... And without it..."

"She'll die?" Johnny dares to mention the word we were all avoiding and I slowly nod, squeezing my eyes shut, my feet hammering up and down on the floor as my legs shake.

"Dad!" Kate suddenly yells and I turn to look at where she is running towards us, Roy following after her, still in his striped apron. He exchanges a look with me before Kate turns, anger in her expression.

"Why the hell would you keep something like that to yourself?" She snaps and I'm taken aback for a moment, knowing Roy had the same idea as me. "We're her family! We could have helped her sooner."

"Kate, calm down." Aidan stands up, and I dip my head, not understanding how this was now all my fault.

"Can we not bring the issues between you and me into this?" I ask her, trying to keep my tone calm. "This is about Carla."

"Yeah and we wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't all kept it a secret." She points at Roy.

"It wasn't my place to say anything!" I shout standing up and facing off to her as Aidan pulls her back.

"Yeah until it's too late." She snaps, as I feel Roy's hand on my arm. "So what? How do I donate a kidney? Hey, because I want to do it right now." She glares at me, before glancing at reception. "Right then."

"Kate!" Aidan pulls her back before she can storm over to it.

"Please do not pass blame to Michelle." Roy chimes in. "It's me who has been aware for months, I shouldn't have allowed her to put you all in this situation."

"It's not your fault, Roy." I take a few paces away from them, covering my face with my hands and trying to hold back tears. Taking a few breaths in and out, I try to steady my heart, the constant surge of fear that was encasing me.

"Carla Connor's family?" My thoughts are disconnected as I go back over, everybody rising to stare intently at the nurse in front of them. "We've concluded that the collapse may have been a result of high blood pressure, linking to the condition Carla is currently in. As well as a severe case of fatigue, has she been sleeping well?"

"She slept really well last night." I explain without thinking. "She fell asleep at half nine and was still asleep when I went out. But the nights before haven't been brilliant..."

"You're very informed." Aidan voices and I freeze slightly.

"Well, I've been concerned for her, haven't I?" I reply shiftily. "I checked on her this morning before I left for work."

"Why are you staying at Roy's?" Johnny questions me.

"Well I offered, since Michelle had limited options following her separation." Roy adds and Johnny frowns.

"With Robert?" He asks. "When did this happen?"

"Look is that important right now?" I snap.

"No, it's not." Kate mutters, as I look back at the nurse.

"You are all aware that Carla is in need of a kidney transplant?" She questions and we nod in response. "Urgently."

"Well we only found out today." Kate tells her. "I'd have stepped in sooner but I was kept in the dark."

"Is she conscious?" I cut her off.

"She's coming round." She replies. "We've linked her to a drip to help her nutrient intake and she's got a nasal cannula to increase her oxygen supply."

"Can we see her?" I ask and she scans the group of us.

"Maybe just one for the moment, whilst she adjusts to her surroundings." She explains. "The person she's most comfortable with."

"I'm her dad." Johnny barges through and Roy holds out an arm to stop him.

"I uh... I think perhaps Michelle may be a good option." He offers on my behalf and I smile at him appreciatively.

"Well I think we'd all be a good option." Kate replies. "I want to tell her that I'm donating as soon as I can."

"I wouldn't discuss these matters whilst emotions are so high." The nurse inputs. "It's obviously your place to make these decisions, but she's quite dazed."

"I want to see her." I swallow, knowing everybody would be against the idea except Roy. "Please."

"Right, ok." She nods, and I glance at Johnny's annoyed expression before following her down the corridor. "Sister?" She asks on the way.

"Best friend... Partner." I correct her and she looks confused for a minute. "They don't know yet."

"Oh right." She just responds, opening a door and a jet of nerves shoot through me as I walk past her, my eyes focusing on where Carla was lying in bed. Her eyes open at the sound of the door and I quickly go over to her, sitting down in the chair next to her and gently taking her hand. "I'll leave you to it. If you need anything..."

"Thanks." I smile, swallowing before looking back at where Carla is watching me. "Oh my God, don't do that to me." I kiss her hand softly.

"Sorry." She just mumbles tiredly. "I don't... Know what happened."

"Neither do I." I comb my fingers through her hair. "I was working and then in comes Johnny, telling me you've collapsed. I've never been so scared."

"I'm sorry." She repeats and I shake my head.

"Don't say sorry, you've got nothing to be sorry for." I whisper reassuringly and her eyes search mine. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit confused." She murmurs. "At least I know who you are."

"I'm glad you haven't forgotten." I smile, sitting in silence for a moment. "I had to battle to get in here, you've got a fan club out there."

"They know?" She guesses and I nod hesitantly.

"I'm so sorry, but I had to." I sigh, seeing her worried expression. "Aidan said you were unconscious and I needed them to know."

"It's ok." She croaks slightly. "...Saved me a job... What have they said?"

"They're shocked." I admit. "Kate stormed in and jumped right down my throat about why I hadn't told her."

"Can you tell she's my sister?" She muffles a slight laugh and I nod, gazing at her lovingly.

"She's desperate to make a donation, they both are." I tell her, stroking my finger against her forehead which causes her eyes to momentarily close. "I told you they would be."

"...I think I've slept in more of these than I have my own bed." She taps the bed sheets lightly, moving my hand with hers. "Then again... Where is my own bed?"

"We'll get somewhere." I tell her, playing with her hair absentmindedly. "Once you're feeling a bit better."

"I'd like that." She smiles and I watch her for a moment, appreciating everything she did, the soft blink of her eyelashes, the slight curl of her hair. "Come here." She whispers and I gently lean over, being careful as I place a soft kiss on her lips. She hums contently as I sit back down and I turn my head towards the glass on the door, freezing in shock all of a sudden.

I try not to react, not wanting to worry Carla further. So instead I look back at her for a minute, noticing she hadn't seen what I had.

"Do you want some water?" I keep my tone calm and she nods, giving me an excuse to get up. "I won't be a minute."

I am shaking as I leave the room, closing the door securely behind me and leaning back against the wall.

"What on Earth is going on?" Johnny instantly quizzes me.

"Keep your voice down." I hiss, pulling him further up the corridor. "What are you doing here? She said one person."

"And I know why you wanted it to be you now." He stares at me in shock. "Tell me I'm imagining things." He demands quietly and I glance at the floor. "Michelle?"

"...You're not imagining things." I force myself to look at him, terrified of admitting it for some reason.

"...You and Carla?" He almost splutters, pausing to stare at me in disbelief. "Are you having a laugh?"

"Oh yeah really funny subject this, isn't it?" I snap under my breath. "If there's ever a time for fun and games, it's now." I finish, knowing he was waiting for further explanation. "I love her, ok?"

"You can't love her!" He hisses. "She's your..."

"Oh hardly." I scoff, trying to push the thought out of my head. "It's perfectly normal, don't worry."

"...I'm sorry, I'm dreaming." He paces the corridor and I watch him intently. "When? When did this even happen?"

"Oh not long." I sigh. "She kissed me after the incident at the pub, it all kind of went from there."

"And this is why you ended it with Robert?" He persists, piecing it together and I nod. "Robert knows?"

"Yeah he knows." I mutter, distastefully. "And before you ask, I don't know why he hasn't told the whole street. Roy knows as well."

"Oh great, another thing Roy knows." He scoffs and I glare at him. "...So you're, what? Gay? My other daughter is a lesbian and all now?"

"She's not a lesbian." I roll my eyes. "Besides, like you said, you managed with Kate. What's so different about this?"

"That's why you were so worried in the car." He gathers more details. "How you knew about her condition and her sleeping patterns."

"I'd have been worried sick anyway, Johnny. Whether she's my girlfriend or not." I raise my voice slightly and he winces at the word. "What is so difficult? You accepted Kate and Caz!"

"I've just known you both all my life." He puts his head in his hands, sighing as he leans back against the wall. "It's a shock. Ok? I'm sorry, it's just a massive shock. Everything today has just hit me with such force."

"Yeah... I get that." I swallow, softening slightly.

"You love her?" He lowers his hands, staring at me intently.

"More than anything." I admit quietly and he sighs, leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling. "Are you going to tell anyone?"

"Well why are you keeping it a secret?" He points out.

"Because with everything going on with Carla, the last thing she needs is the added stress of everybody quizzing her." I point at him. "Like this!"

"Ok." He closes his eyes momentarily, before looking back at me.

"Ok?" I breathe the word and he shrugs.

"Got anymore surprises up your sleeve?" He asks.

"Got anymore children knocking around the North-West?" I retaliate, smiling slightly as I do so and he returns it, before coming towards me and giving me a hug.

"As long as you're both happy, that's all that matters." He tells me. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah I uh... Better get back to her." I point to the room. "I told her I'd gone to get some water."

"You take your time." He squeezes my hand and I smile, before turning and heading back up the corridor, quickly pulling a plastic cup from the dispenser and filling it with water.

"Did you have to go to the spring itself to get that?" Carla mumbles, trying to sit herself up as I enter the room again. "I thought you'd done a runner."

" _That_." I sit down next to her, passing her the cup. "Is never going to happen." She coughs slightly on the liquid and I rub her back, taking the water from her hand as she composes herself. "Ok?"

"Yeah, dry throat." She swallows, and I pass it back to her as she takes another sip. "You're good to me."

"I know." I tease her, kissing her forehead and breathing in the scent of her hair, as if I'd almost lost it. "I need to tell you something." I sigh, sitting back down and she looks at me expectantly. "I know now probably isn't the best time to let you know, but I don't want to keep secrets. Johnny knows."

"About my condition?" She narrows her eyes. "I know, you said."

"No, he knows about us." I correct her and she goes quiet for a moment. "Just now, he saw me kiss you. That's why I took so long."

"...Oh..." She glances at the door. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought if he kicked off, I didn't want it to stress you out more." I reply.

"But he didn't?" She gathers and I shrug.

"Well, he's shocked." I admit. "As you can imagine. He had loads of questions, but he ended up saying he was happy if you were happy, so. He's ok, I think."

"I am happy." She whispers and I smile. "Except... Being here."

"You'll be out soon." I assure her.

"I know, I just meant the company is rubbish." She teases me and I laugh softly, patting her hand. Her face goes serious again as her eyes dart around the room. "Did you think..."

"I don't know." I answer her question before she can finish it. "But I'll tell you something, I've never felt so sick in my life. I can't lose you, no way."

"Well maybe now people know..." She trails off, sighing as she looks at me. "Maybe I can start dealing with it properly, because I need to. Hopefully, now things will become a bit clearer."

"Is that positivity, Carla Connor?" I very gently nudge her and she looks amused for a minute. "Hopefully things will yeah. You've got people lining up to donate. Shows how many people care about you, doesn't it?"

"I suppose." She mumbles, linking her fingers with mine and watching them. "I don't think I could do this without you. I don't know why I didn't tell you sooner."

"Well everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?" I lean over to kiss her again, before whispering against her lips. "A good reason."


	7. Confrontation

**Chapter 7:**

 **Carla**

"Hi I've got some good news." Michelle's excitement cheers me up as she enters the room, despite not sleeping all night because she had been stuck here. "What even is that?" She pulls a face at the plate on the platform in front of me.

"I don't know but it's making me feel ill." I reply and she removes it, putting a bag down in its place. I study it for a moment before reaching out to take it, pulling out a box, which I open to find a silver bracelet with pearls fascinated around it. "Michelle... What is this?"

"Sorry, had to go to the off license for Aidan." She explains. "There was a jewellery shop opposite, so."

"...Chelle." I repeat, looking at her in shock.

"You like it?" She waits expectantly, as I weave it around my wrist, struggling to fasten it with the drip in my one hand and she laughs, helping me out.

"It's gorgeous." I admire it. "What have you gone and done that for?"

"Thought it might make you smile." She shrugs, blushing slightly and I meet her gaze, in awe of her for a moment. "And I've started to figure there's a lot of perks, you know, buying presents for your girlfriend is so much easier than with a bloke."

"I love it." I watch as it catches the light, looking back at her. "Thank you so much."

"That's ok." She kisses me quickly, sitting down. "That's not the good news though."

"Are you sure?" I raise my eyebrows, pushing the box back into the bag. "Because I'd say this was a pretty good call."

"They're going to discharge you today." She tells me and I turn my head to look at her, relieved.

"Really?" My eyes widen. "Wow I didn't think I'd escape for a few days."

"Well they said there's not much point keeping you in." She says, watching as I continue to fiddle with the bracelet. She always had good taste in jewellery, another upside; she knew what looked good. "So, Johnny's put some clothes in that overnight bag." She points to the one he had been back to get last night.

"Ooh, are you going to help me get changed?" I tease her and she nudges me playfully, as Kate appears in the doorway. "Hey."

"Hi." Michelle forces a smile and Kate glances at her shiftily.

"Nice bracelet." She tries to make conversation. "Who bought you that?"

"Michelle." I reply, not bothering to make up any other excuses.

"Oh..." She looks confused for a moment. "That's nice." She turns to Michelle, opening and closing her mouth a few times. "...I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have shouted and made such a scene... I was in shock... I had no idea and I wanted somebody to blame. It was wrong of me, sorry."

"That's ok." She forgives her, probably more for my benefit. "I understand emotions were high."

"Yeah..." She sits down on my bed hesitantly, reaching for my hand, as Michelle moves the platform away from over my bed. "I've spoken to the hospital, they're fitting me and Aidan in for tests tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I repeat, trying not to let the urgency worry me. "...Kate are you sure about this?"

"Certain." She replies, confidently. "Aidan's insisting that if we're both a match, he'll do it."

"...Right." I swallow, avoiding her gaze because the guilt was so intense. She wasn't even thirty yet and I was asking for her freedom, her health, to risk her life for my benefit. "How do you feel about it?" I begin as the door opens and Aidan and Johnny appear, Aidan immediately coming over and crouching by my bedside.

"You should have told us." He takes my hand from Kate. "You know I'd do anything for you. I wouldn't have given it a second's thought."

"Aidan, there's a lot to think about-" I begin.

"Not when it's between life and death." He shakes his head and I go cold at the word. "When I'm a match, I'm doing it."

" _If_." I correct him.

"No, when." He asserts, confidently.

"Aidan, don't get your hopes up." Johnny sounds from a little further away and his words scare me; if neither Kate or Aidan were a match, I had very little hope of getting a transplant. I try to clear my mind, the mist of fear invading it yet again, as I force a smile.

"I can't even begin to explain..." My gaze shifts between the two of them. "I'm so grateful. So, so grateful."

"It's the least I can do." Aidan pats my hand and I begin to think he is taking this less seriously than it was.

"Aidan, it's not lending me a tenner for a round of drinks." I point out.

"A tenner? I don't think that would cover all your glasses of wine." He teases me. "Oh... That's why you haven't been drinking."

"Bingo." I murmur weakly, my eyes moving to Johnny. "Uh... Could I have a minute with Johnny?"

"Yeah of course." Michelle is the first to get up and I grab her hand, pulling her back down.

"No, you can stay." I demand and Kate glances at her, confused.

"Yeah I suppose." Aidan gets up, followed by Kate. "We'll go and get some coffee's, anybody want anything?"

"I'm alright." I shake my head as they disappear, Johnny closing the door hesitantly as he watches us both, my hand still gripping Michelle's.

"How are you feeling?" He begins, studying me worriedly.

"Alright considering." I reply, waiting in the silence for a minute. "Uh... Michelle told me that you know..."

"You're together, yeah." He finishes my sentence for me and I wince, awaiting his reaction.

"How do you feel about it?" I dare to ask.

"Well, I didn't see it coming, not for one moment." He admits and I nod understandingly. "In fact I'm still trying to work out if you're having me on."

"No." I shake my head slowly.

"You're my daughter." He sighs, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "All I want is for you to be happy, and if this..." He glances at Michelle. "Makes you happy, both of you happy then, that's all that matters to me."

"Thank you." I smile, pausing before holding my wrist up. "Do you like my bracelet?"

"Present, was it?" His eyes dart between us and I gaze at Michelle for a minute. "It's very nice."

"I know." I muffle slightly as I start playing with it again.

"Uh... Do you know they're discharging you today?" He asks and I nod distractedly. "...Right, I'll uh... I'll go. Let you get ready."

"Thanks... Dad." I mumble and he smiles before leaving. "Well that was easier than I thought."

"Maybe we're stressing about it too much." Michelle hopes. "Maybe we'll tell people and they'll be like 'oh ok'."

"Yeah I wouldn't go that far." I smile, lowering my wrist and looking at her expectantly. She smiles for a moment before leaning over to kiss me, her hand softly brushing the hair out of my face as she does so. "Mm." I pull on her top and she muffles a laugh before kissing me again. "You taste nice."

"Lip balm." She points to her lips, sitting back down.

"Oh another advantage." I smile contently. "Did you get any sleep?"

"No." She admits and I notice how tired she looks. "Did you?"

"A bit." I sigh apologetically. "I'd rather be at home. I hate the fact people can just walk in here whenever they please. And then when I do actually finally get off they burst in telling me they need to check my bloods or change my needle."

"Well you'll be home tonight." She reminds me. "We can stick a film on or something."

"...What are we going to do about Roy's?" I ask, knowing this couldn't go on for much longer. It was an inconvenience enough for me to stay, never mind Michelle. "It's not fair on him to keep putting us up."

"Ok, ok." She sighs, knowing we had enough going on without moving house right now. "Look, let's just get back and then tomorrow we can look into it. I know it's not ideal. Everything's just a bit messy."

"That's my fault." I mutter. "Everything could be so simple for you."

"I don't care." She pokes my cheek gently. "I don't want simple, I want you."

"You've got me." I turn my head to look at her. "Lucky you, hey."

* * *

"Will you answer that thing?" I groan, sitting down on the sofa and staring around the flat, as Michelle's phone continues to ring and she cuts the call off.

"It's not important." She slips it back into her bag. "Roy's on his way, insisted on getting the bus so he could make the most of his bus pass."

"Bless him." I smile slightly at the thought, as I hear her ringtone again. "Oh answer it!" I snap and she looks slightly taken-aback. "Sorry... Sorry." I sigh. "It's just doing my head in."

"It's Robert." She admits. "It'll be about work."

"Well maybe you should go to work." I suggest, knowing I was tired anyway. "Saves you flapping about here doing nothing."

"...Oh cheers." She tries to make it sound sarcastic but I pick up on the hurt in her tone.

"Well what good are you doing here?" I point out, my tone more bitter than expected. "You're not the one who's dying, go and live your life."

"No." She says firmly and it annoys me slightly. "And I don't mean this to sound incredibly soppy but right now, you are my life."

"Right now." I mumble. "Maybe not in a few months."

"That's not funny." She tells me, her tone wavering slightly.

"It wasn't supposed to be." I slouch back on the sofa. "Funny. Another thing I'm not now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She puts her head in her hands and I dare to look at her for a moment. The phone rings out again and I stand up abruptly.

"Michelle answer the phone!" I yell, my breathing rate suddenly increasing as the room spins at my sudden movement.

"Hey." She's up, catching me before I can fall and sits me back down on the sofa, kneeling in front of me. "It's ok, breathe."

"Telling me to breathe doesn't help, Michelle. I can't breathe. That's the whole point." I continue to snap and she releases me as soon as she can see that I'm comfortable and safe, keeping her distance again. I squeeze my eyes shut, listening to the constant ring and she sighs, finally answering it.

"What do you want?" Her tone is sharp as she answers the call, pacing the kitchen which does nothing for my dizziness. "Well I'm busy." She continues and I wait until my vision has calmed before getting up to get a glass of water, leaning up against the sink as I watch her intently. "With Carla... No she wasn't drunk." I roll my eyes, taking hesitant sips from the glass. "Well I'm not because I need to stay here with her... Because I said so, Robert!"

"Oh Michelle will you just go?" I groan, fed up of feeling like an invalid all the time and she shakes her head at me. "I don't need you here!" I raise my voice slightly and she looks hurt, which instantly makes me feel guilty.

"Look I've got to go... Bye." She hangs up, watching me for a moment. "Don't try to push me away, you might be able to kid some people, but I know you, remember?"

"Well then you'll also remember that I don't like people fussing over me." I respond. "And that I don't like getting in the way of people's lives."

"I'm your girlfriend, that's what I'm supposed to do." She replies, firmly and I roll my eyes again, putting the glass down and going over to the sofa.

"It doesn't mean you need to be attached to me all the time." I don't even look at her when I say it, staring straight ahead at the wall. "Go to work, you'll be more use there than you are here." I continue, waiting for her sarcastic response, but there wasn't one. Instead I just hear a quiet muffled cry, turning my head and immediately feeling guilty.

I swallow, retracing the harshness of my words and knowing that I hadn't meant them. She knew I hadn't meant them, she knew me. But it didn't stop them hurting. "Oh God..." I trail off, standing up and going over to her. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I didn't mean it." I put my arms around her, as she cries into my shoulder, not even pushing me away. I run my fingers through her hair, kissing the side of her head as I sway gently. "I'm so grateful for everything you've done. I'm sorry." I move away, studying her expression, as she tries to hold back tears. "I feel awful now. I hate seeing you cry."

"It's not your fault, you're lashing out because you're hurting and I was in the firing line." She relays, almost knowing me better than I knew myself and I nod slowly. "I can take that, I told you, you can shout at me as much as you like."

"I don't want to shout at you." I sigh, pulling her back in again. "I want to make you happy, not upset you like this. You've done so much for me, this is how I repay you, I'm terrible."

"No you're not." She swallows back tears, composing herself slightly and I look down at the bracelet on my wrist, closing my eyes slightly and thinking about everything she had done and given to me the past few weeks. "But Carla you make it sound like it's a chore for me to be here. I want to be. I want to spend time with you and look after you. Believe it or not, I'd rather be here than anywhere else."

"Well... I'd probably prefer to be on a beach." I shrug, and she manages a small smile. "With you, of course."

"Look, if you feel suffocated or patronised, I'm sorry." She strokes a finger across my cheek.

"I don't, of course I don't." I sigh apologetically. "I want you here. It's just everything the past twenty four hours, when something hits me hard, I push."

"I know you do." She replies. "Hence why I'm still here."

"Sorry." I link my fingers with hers and she shakes her head slightly, as I hold out my arms, pulling her into me. "Sorry."

* * *

 **Michelle**

"Uh, what are you doing here?" I look up to see Carla entering, shopping bags in hand, my eyes drifting to them. "You've never been shopping?"

"Did you really think I was going to sit on the sofa all day?" She points out. "I did that yesterday, by your command."

"You shouldn't have been shopping!" I exclaim and she looks guilty for a moment. "Without me."

"Haha." She flashes me a sarcastic smile, sitting down. "It was a very calm and peaceful shopping trip, I promise. I'm feeling a little better today."

"Yeah?" I study her, noticing she had a bit more colour in her cheeks. "Drink?"

"Coffee please, if I'm going to stay awake." She replies, as I turn around to make it. "Is your delightful ex boyfriend not here?"

"He's in later." I tell her, before turning back around and placing a mug down in front of her. "Do you just decide to date people here so you can get free drinks?"

"Michelle!" She exclaims, looking amused at my joke, before producing a shoe box from one of her bags and placing it on the counter. "For you."

"What's this?" I stare down at the box in shock, as I read the words Christian Louboutin on the top.

"Well open it then." She already looks proud of herself and I warily pull the lid off, pulling back the tissue paper to reveal a pair of red stilettos.

"Carla!" I hiss, in disbelief. "Are you being serious?"

"Deadly." She leans forward, flashing me a seductive look which I try to ignore as I inspect them hesitantly, the feel of the shiny leather so tempting.

"You are taking those back today." I tell her and she looks quite offended for a minute.

"...You don't like them?" She asks, surprised.

"Like them? Carla, they're absolutely gorgeous but there is no way I am accepting these." I pull one out, admiring it as I run my finger along the seam. "How much did they cost?"

"That doesn't matter." She shakes her head and I shoot her a look, reluctantly lowering it back into the box and pushing it towards her. "I must say, this isn't the reaction I was hoping for."

"You're not spending that much money on me." I tell her firmly. "It's not even my birthday."

"I wanted to buy you something nice." She pouts slightly and I feel bad then. "To say thank you for everything and show you how much I appreciate it. And because I wanted to treat you."

"Something nice?" I repeat. "Five hundred pounds worth of nice."

"Oh come on Michelle I've never been able to do this before." She begs me. "If I couldn't afford them, I wouldn't have bought them, would I?" She points out and I hesitate, pulling the box back towards me and admiring them again. "You love them. I can tell."

"Yes I do." I admit, looking back at her and sighing. "You really shouldn't have done that."

"Listen you have been my rock recently, you and Roy." She takes my hand in hers. "You've done everything possible to make sure I'm as happy as I can be. You've listened. You've let me cry."

"Because that's what I'm supposed to do." I lower my voice slightly. "Because I wanted to."

"Well _I_ wanted to say thank you." She shrugs, tapping the box. "So, thank you."

"...Well it's the most expensive gift I've ever been given." I tell her, giving in and biting my lip slightly as I pick one up, studying it excitedly.

"So I beat Steve then?" She teases me and I raise my eyebrows. "Hey, you can thank me later."

"Shut up." I whisper, a small smile on my face as I scan the restaurant and she laughs. The thought making me long to finish my shift. "I actually think these are the most beautiful things I've ever owned." I look up at her proud expression, debating whether to follow it up or not. "Well, except for you."

"Ooh, own me now, do you?" She narrows her eyes at my line and I nudge her playfully. "Well somebody's got to look good for the pair of us. I can't even wear heels at the moment, my feet are so swollen..." She hesitates, looking up at my sympathetic expression. "That was a really unattractive thing to say, I'm sorry."

"Stop that." I pause, meeting her gaze. "You're perfect."

"...You're making this whole 'try not to lean across the bar and kiss you' thing, very difficult." She muses, looking touched at my words and I smile, soaking up her expression and how much I wanted the same thing.

"Wow, somebody's been splashing the cash." Tracy's voice intervenes my thoughts and I snap out of my trance, turning to look at her. "Look at those." She leans over the bar to admire them. "Another thing to saunter around in pretending you're the queen of the street?"

"They're not for me." Carla replies, bluntly. "They're for Michelle."

"...Flipping heck." She looks shocked for a moment. "Bit of an expensive gift isn't it?"

"Did I say you could join us?" I point out and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh the service in here." She sighs exasperatedly before going over to the table Ken was sat at.

"People are going to cotton on if you keep doing that." I tell Carla.

"Nobody's going to cotton on." She assures me. "They'd have higher suspicions about Dev and Sophie Webster than us two."

"Dev and Sophie Webster?" I laugh, nudging her playfully as the door opens and I groan at Robert's appearance. His eyes fall on Carla and she swallows, moving away from the counter as if she had been all over me.

"Hi." She tries to reason with him and he blanks her, turning his attention to me.

"I've had to come in early." He mutters, unenthusiastically. "The wine merchant is coming at four... So you can go, no point in you being here."

"Really?" I check the clock, noticing I wasn't due to finish for another two and a half hours.

"I'll pay you until six." He mutters, giving Carla an awkward glance before heading into the kitchen.

"Sorry." I sigh and she shrugs.

"Don't blame him." She replies, standing up. "Not that I'm complaining about you finishing early."

"Oh yeah why's that?" I raise my eyebrows cockily.

"Why are you still stood around that side of the bar?" She leans in to whisper it and I grab my bag and the shoe box, watching her smile as I head towards the door.

"So come on then, have you spoilt yourself?" I point to her shopping bags.

"Not really, presents for Kate and Aidan." She tells me. "And I bought Roy this book on trains and a jigsaw."

"You do realise Christmas has been and gone, right?" I joke, before going serious again. "Do you know if they've finished their tests yet?"

"Still there." She checks the time on her phone and I can tell how nervous she looks. "I'm meeting them in the Rovers tomorrow if you want to come? Just to talk things through."

"Yeah, of course." I nod supportively.

"...I wonder how they're feeling." She stresses. "Michelle, I need to-"

"They're intent on getting you better." I answer for her. "Which you will be, very soon." She goes quiet, not saying anything in response and I dare to put my arm around her as we walk, pulling her into my side for a moment and kissing the side of her head.

"Careful." She murmurs as we round the corner into Rosamund Street and I release her. "So anyway, how was work?"

"Long, kept thinking about you." I admit and she smiles to herself slightly, looking up and meeting my gaze for a minute. I allow her to step into Roy's first, with the unfortunate circumstances of Gail and David being sat at the first table, who give Carla disapproving looks as she tries to ignore them.

"Shona, is Roy in?" Carla leans on the counter for a minute.

"Just gone out to get some supplies." She points to the door. "Did you need him?"

"No, that's fine." She tugs on my arm slightly and I can't help my tummy flipping at the sensation as I follow her up the stairs. As soon as we're into the flat, she's pushed me up against the wall, kissing me passionately.

"Did you miss me by any chance?" I mumble, my lips against hers.

"Yeah." She whispers in a way which makes my body ache with desire. She was good at this, I didn't know how I'd never realised this before. Well I had, on many occasions, I just hadn't been brave enough to face up to it. She begins kissing my jawline affectionately, breathing on my neck momentarily which makes me swallow, as she looks up to meet my eyes at last.

She bites her lip, taking in my expression, walking her fingers up my thigh temptingly.

"I need to apologise for yesterday." She murmurs in a slightly husky voice, in which I doubt she has the knowledge of how much it seduces me.

"No you don't." I smile slightly, as she moves in to kiss my neck, sucking gently which makes my body want to cave with lust.

"Are you turning me down?" Her breath is hot against my skin, as her fingers slowly move upwards, circling the crotch of my skirt, instantly making me release a low hum.

"You think I'd be that stupid?" I reply, my voice hushed as she takes my hand in hers, guiding me towards the bedroom.

"Hm." She murmurs, continuing to kiss me as she pushes the door shut with her foot, beginning to pull the hem of my top upwards. "Good answer."

 **Carla**

"Yes, Roy." I force the door open more harshly than intended, straightening my hair out slightly as he glances at the dressing gown I had quickly pulled over myself to cover up. He coughs awkwardly, immediately clocking on. "...I thought you were working..."

"Uh... Yes... I am." He mumbles avoiding my gaze. "I just came to... Check on you."

"Oh well I'm alright." I try to act casual, leaning against the door frame slightly as I feel Michelle behind me, turning to see her also in a dressing gown.

"...Uh... Yes..." Roy trails off, staring at the floor. "I thought you were... At work."

"Yeah I knocked off... Got off early." She rephrases it and I force back laughter, my cheeks flushing slightly.

"I'll... Leave you..." Roy waves his hand hesitantly, turning around and I swallow hard, freezing with embarrassment for a minute as he heads back downstairs.

"We are moving out." I slam the door and Michelle bursts out laughing, as I stare at her in awe for a minute. "I feel like I'm sixteen. It's not funny."

"Little bit." She holds her fingers up to indicate and I shake my head smiling slightly as she stands up, pulling at the collar of my dressing gown. She smiles into the kiss she places back on my lips, humming slightly at the contact.

"I mean it, we're looking at flats." I insist, despite her attempts to put me off.

"Ok, ok." She gives in, pulling back. "We'll look at getting somewhere." She moves back in to kiss my neck. "But you're finishing what you started first."

* * *

"I don't want to go too far because of the factory." I tell her, as she flicks through the newspaper, lying on her front with her legs in the air. I watch her for a moment, the hair that softly falls over her face, her pink toenail varnish, the small smile on her cheeks as she studies the properties in front of her.

"What?" She looks up suddenly and I immediately look away, scrolling through my phone at the website I had been looking at. I don't answer her, because she already knows, and I notice her bite her lip slightly out of the corner of my eye, her eyes darting back down to the paper. "They've got jobs here as well." She starts to circle them.

"I told you, you're coming to work at the factory." I persist and she gives me a look.

"We'd argue all the time."

"We didn't before."

"Yes but _before_ we didn't have to share a bed and all."

"You make that sound like a chore." I kick her gently.

"Definitely not a chore." She mumbles to herself and I laugh quietly. "You were a moody cow half the time anyway."

"Only because Peter kept stressing me out with one thing after another." I remember. "Simon, the bookies, Rob. That's not going to happen this time, is it?"

"Well, I hope not." She glances at me. "...You were so in love with Peter. I remember getting jealous."

"You got jealous?" My eyes widen excitedly, lowering my phone and she laughs at my reaction.

"Well yeah, a bit." She shrugs and I can't help feeling flattered. "Especially when he started working there and I knew you'd give him all your attention."

"...Mad to look back on it now, isn't it?" I contemplate and she nods slowly. "Who was better in bed out of Steve or Robert?"

"Carla!" She exclaims, shocked at my question and hitting me gently with a pillow. "Why do you even want to know that?"

"I'm just interested." I shrug and she actually thinks about it for a moment.

"Interested?" She sits up, crossing her legs and sighing reluctantly. "Steve."

"Knew it." I smile to myself and she looks annoyed at this.

"How?" She exclaims.

"Oh I can read you like a book." I glance at her and she narrows her eyes.

"Ok then, Nick or Peter?" She quizzes me, suddenly enjoying the topic.

"You." I return and she looks pleased for a moment before realising I've avoided the question. "I don't know, that's difficult."

"How is that difficult?" She rolls her eyes, clearly now desperate for the answer.

"I don't know Nick was gentle and soft and..." I study her expression, deciding to move on. "Whereas Peter it was like... You know when you really want it and it's full of lust and passion... I'll stop." I cough slightly and she stares at the wall for a moment. "You asked, you've slept with him, you should know."

"It's a very distant memory." She plays with the tag on the pillow next to her.

"Hey." I place a finger under her chin, moving towards her. "What's up?"

"Nothing." She sighs, chewing her lip as she stares at the wall, and I tilt her head to face me, raising my eyebrows. "Ugh... Being back here... Seeing Peter again, it hasn't brought any of that back up?"

"Woah, where's this coming from?" I frown and she shrugs, hesitant to question me further. "I told you weeks ago, it's in the past, it was a long time ago."

"You're telling me that you'd never be tempted to go back there?" She sighs and I can't help feeling slightly hurt. "Even if he left Toyah, made a move, promised you the world?"

"...Are you being serious?" I gaze at her and she finally meets my eyes, looking guilty. "I'd never do that to you... And I'd never go back to Peter... I don't even know why you need to ask that."

"I didn't mean that you would-"

"Yes you did." I stand up abruptly, leaving the room and slamming the door shut. Roy looks up from the kitchen table, where he has laid it with three plates, a dish of casserole in the middle.

"Oh hello..." He avoids my gaze. "I didn't know when you'd be... Ready to eat." He watches as I slouch down in the chair, folding my arms like a child. "Has something happened?"

"How was your day?" I try to change the subject, picking a piece of chicken out of the dish and eating it, which he winces at, but doesn't object to.

"Fairly tolerable." He replies bluntly, turning his head to look at the bedroom. "Forgive me if I am incorrect but I fear perhaps you might have had a misunderstanding."

"Yeah something like that." I mutter and he sits down shiftily, unsure on what to say next as the door opens.

"Carla, can I just-" Michelle begins before noticing Roy. "Oh hello. I didn't realise you'd be here."

"Well it is his flat." I point out sarcastically and she looks hesitant for a moment.

"Can I talk to you, please?" She says firmly and I nod, pointing to the table, which makes Roy look slightly awkward. "In private?"

"Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Roy." I point out, before pausing. "...Within reason."

"I feel maybe it would be for the best if I removed myself from this conversation." He stands up slowly and I sigh as he heads into the bedroom, putting my head in my hands. I felt so guilty, having all these childish arguments around him and hooking up in his spare bedroom. Yet he was taking it all in his stride, or attempting to, because he wanted me to be happy.

"...Carla." She crouches down so she could look up at me from where I was still slumped in the chair. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. Of course I don't doubt you... I just know how much he meant to you, and hearing you talk about him, yeah, it made me jealous, ok? Why wouldn't it? I just... I don't know, I want to be good enough for you..."

"Good enough for me?" I raise my eyebrows, pausing in thought for a moment. "...I'm sorry, you do know how many people I dislike, how many enemies I've made? Yet, forty three years into my life and you're still here. I haven't kicked you out or pushed you away like the rest. So if anything, you're too good for me."

"I get that." She tilts her head to the side slightly, her eyes drifting to the photos on the sideboard. "It's just... I don't want to be too... Boring, I don't know." She buries her head in her hands and I don't know whether to laugh or be shocked at the word.

"Boring?" I repeat, and she forces herself to look at me.

"Well yeah, you've had all these intense, dramatic relationships full of lust and excitement." She tries to reason.

"I don't want intense or dramatic." I assure her, so firmly she stares at me intently, and my voice softens. "That's the last thing I need right now... I want a... Caring, gentle, loving relationship with somebody who means the world to me... Who always has."

"Just to clarify, is that me?" She checks.

"You just ruined the moment." I point out and she looks apologetic. "Yes, I mean you. I _love_ else, and definitely not Peter."

"I know you don't love Peter." She sighs.

"Oh good, well I'm glad we've cleared that up." I smile slightly and she still looks sheepish for a minute. "I mean it Michelle, you're better than every one of them... In every way."

"You mean that?" She looks slightly surprised and I nod assertively, allowing her to finally smile.

"You've been so soft and forgiving, affectionate, that's all I want." I admit, weirdly going shy for a moment. "Well... Actually, you have lots of different sides to you." I contemplate. "I thinks earlier proves that."

"Shh." She nudges my knee, glancing at Roy's closed door and I hold my hand out as she takes it. She watches me for a moment, my eyes searching her gaze, before I dip my head, resting my forehead against hers and kissing her softly.

"A wildlife programme will be airing on-" Roy begins as he leaves the bedroom, as I reluctantly pull away from Michelle, groaning loudly.

"Roy I'm so sorry." I stand up. "We're getting somewhere else, I promise. I'm sure this is the last thing you need in your home."

"Not to worry." He shakes his head, as Michelle wraps her arms around my waist which he doesn't seem to mind. "I'm just pleased that you have settled your differences... Let's hope you continue to resolve them that easily in the future."

"There won't be any more in the future." I pout slightly, hearing Michelle scoff slightly as she rests her head against my shoulder and I tap her elbow lightly.

"I find that... Somewhat hard to believe." He replies and I laugh at his honesty.

"...As I was saying about this wildlife programme, Brian highly recommends it. Apparently it has got exceedingly impressive ratings." He reads the TV guide and I nod, humouring him.

"Would you like us to watch it with you?" I assume.

"Oh, no, no, not if you have other plans." He holds his hand up, Michelle releasing me as she goes over to the table, taking the liberty of reheating the casserole.

"Roy, I'm hardly going out on the town, am I?" I point out, turning to where Michelle was in the kitchen. "You know she's going to ruin that now?"

"Uh, excuse me!" Michelle exclaims defensively. "I'm half decent at cooking. I'm better than you."

"That's not a tough act to follow, babe." I argue playfully.

"Oh dear..." Roy mutters to himself and I laugh slightly, exchanging a look with Michelle, unable to stop the smile that is creeping over my face.

* * *

"I don't see the appeal with animals." I stare at the leopard chasing some goat-like creature on the television. "You know, how some people are obsessed with them?"

"That's just because you're selfish." Michelle replies from the kitchen, where she has insisted on doing the washing up and I whip my head around.

"Are you intent on starting another argument?" I raise my eyebrows and she holds her hands up.

"Personally I think animals are fascinating." Roy adds to the conversation, fully engrossed in the programme. "Aside from the fact that the definitive figure cannot be accurately calculated, scientists have recently estimated that there are approximately eight point seven million species on Earth, divided between animals and plants. Then again, cataloguing them all could take more than one thousand years and somehow I believe by that point the animal kingdom will have expanded or decreased majorly."

"...Wow." I pull a face at Michelle, who's eyes widen. "You read far too much."

"And one would believe you read far too little." He responds bluntly. "Except perhaps for these... Poor excuses for literature." He taps my magazines on the coffee table.

"Literature?" I laugh, as Michelle comes over to me and I hold my arms out, allowing her to sit in my lap, wrapping them around her frame. "Maybe we should do a swap, hey? You can read that and I'll read one of your very intellectual novels about the animal kingdom."

"It's actually a non-fiction book." He replies, still staring at the TV. "And I can't think of anything more displeasing."

"Oh." I pull a face, kissing the side of Michelle's head.

"Hasn't this been going on for about ten minutes?" She points to the screen. "I'm pretty sure that leopard was running after that... Thing when I started the washing up."

"Yeah it was." I drone. "Roy, does it eat it or not?"

"If you watched, rather than asking me questions that I don't yet know the answer to, you might find out." He points out, before looking at me and softening slightly. "And it's called a gazelle."

"A what?" I frown.

"A gazelle." He repeats. "Supposedly one of the most beautiful species."

"Oh..." I trail off, massaging Michelle's scalp gently. "Not in my opinion." I tap my finger against Michelle's head and she turns her head to gaze at me for a minute. "I've seen better."

"Are you comparing me to a goat?" She raises her eyebrows and I laugh.

"A _gazelle_." Roy repeats again, before turning the television down and looking at me.

"You ok?" I check, concerned.

"Have you spoken to Aidan and Kate?" He hesitantly asks, which then explains his slightly off attitude that he had been upholding.

"I've had a text." I reply, slightly annoyed the topic had been brought up when I had managed to rid it from my head for a maximum of five minutes. "They said all went well and they get the results in a few days."

"A few days?" He recalls.

"Yeah, they're not wasting any time, are they?" I mutter, fiddling with the string on Michelle's tracksuit bottoms.

"That's a good sign though." She taps my arm gently. "Shows they're moving it all along quickly."

"Or just that they know there's a matter of urgency." I dare to swallow. "...With my sixteen percent kidney functioning abilities."

"Sixteen percent?" Michelle narrows her eyes and Roy stares at me worriedly, as I flick my glance between the two of them. "What do you mean?"

"Well they carried out tests the night I went in, didn't they?" I sigh, knowing I had to admit this to them sooner or later. "Came to me early yesterday morning with the results."

"Why did you not tell us?" The concern in Roy's voice makes me feel slightly guilty.

"I'm telling you both now, aren't I?" I try to excuse myself.

"Sixteen percent doesn't sound particularly..." Roy trails off, and I feel Michelle freeze, as I squeeze her hand comfortingly.

"Well it's not." I admit. "...And if they fall below nine percent, it's critical..."

"So..." Michelle swallows, trying to stop her tone from wavering.

"So, they're talking about dialysis." I try not to sound scared at the thought. "Until a transplant becomes available... Three days a week, four hours at a time."

"...Two days it's been." Michelle murmurs. "And you haven't told us? Why?"

"Why do you think?" I dare to look at her. "What's the usual reason? I don't want to hurt you, do I? That's why I've been lashing out, I've been trying to come to terms with it. I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner. But Michelle you seemed so excited yesterday when you came into the hospital room and you bought me this." I tap the bracelet on my wrist. "I didn't want to ruin that... Then I was going to tell you earlier in the street but the moment passed."

"I would much prefer it if you were honest." Roy replies and I chew my lip for a moment. "Than keeping things to yourself and trying to deal with them on your own. But you already know that."

"You know now." I stare down into my lap and Michelle sighs, pulling my head into her chest and kissing the top of it. "So that's what you've signed up for." I tap her arm, muffling the words into her chest. "Prepare to see a lot of that place."

"Whatever we need to do, ok?" She cups my face in her hands and I smile slightly, glancing at Roy, who looks less forgiving on the matter.

"I'm sorry." I tell him and he manages a weak smile.

"Like Michelle says, the priority is ensuring you stay the healthiest you can." He responds. "No matter how hard the strain is on either of us, it's nothing in comparison to the importance keeping you here."

"Thank you." I whisper, as Michelle kisses my forehead. "I don't know what I'd do without you two. I really don't."

* * *

 _ **Thought I'd incorporate a little bit of the info we got in last night's (painful) scenes, which Ali and David smashed as always. Sorry for the late night upload, hope you all enjoyed this chapter and thank you so much for all your kind reviews again!x**_


	8. Memories

**Chapter 8:**

 **Carla**

"Morning darlin'." Michelle looks up from the breakfast table as soon as I enter, sliding into the seat next to her and studying her and Roy.

"You been talking about me?" I assume.

"We were actually discussing the wasteful packaging that Freshco provide on their bagels." Roy intervenes and I glance at Michelle, tiredly.

"How exciting." I return, pouring a glass of orange juice from the jug and leaning back in my chair, nursing it between my hands. Michelle offers me a plate of toast and I shake my head, as she raises a hand to my forehead.

"You're warm." She places it against my cheek, getting up to run a glass of water from the tap and putting it down in front of me.

"Sorry I kept you up all night." I sigh, putting the orange juice down and swapping it for the water.

"That's ok." She assures me. "Don't worry about it. It's my day off anyway."

"Did you mention that you were having a meeting with Kate and Aidan today?" Roy recalls.

"Well if a drink in the Rovers counts as a meeting, yeah." I reply.

"Do you request my company?" He asks. "Only I'm supposed to be working, but if-"

"Oh no, don't worry about it." I tell him gently. "I'll tell you everything when I get back. Don't miss work because of me."

"If you're sure?" He checks and I nod, before looking at Michelle.

"You still coming?" I ask.

"Of course." She slides a hand under the table and onto my knee, which she squeezes gently as my hand falls on top of hers. I smile, leaning my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes momentarily.

* * *

"You sure you're feeling alright?" Michelle checks, as we approach the Rovers and I just let out a mumble, not in a talkative mood, which wasn't going to fare well for the next hour or so. "I've got my tests tomorrow."

"Yeah we need to talk about that later." I sigh, pushing the door open and entering the pub, sitting down in the first booth after checking for any signs of Kate and Aidan.

"What do you want to drink?" Michelle offers.

"Oh just a water." I mutter, pulling my phone out to text Aidan. I scroll through my Friend Connect feed for a few moments, before Michelle slides into the booth next to me. I take my drink from her, before studying hers. "What's that?"

"An orange juice." She replies bluntly.

"...Why?" I frown, finally looking up at her. "I thought you'd have a glass of wine."

"I don't want a glass of wine." She laughs slightly.

"Because of me?" I guess and she just shrugs. "Great."

"Cheer up." She begs and I give her a look, nerves churning inside me.

"Hello." Aidan's voice sounds, and he sits down opposite, accompanied by Kate.

"How come you're joining us?" Kate frowns, glancing at Michelle.

"Uh, she's family." Aidan points out and I exchange an awkward glance with Michelle momentarily, before trying to compose myself.

"So... How did it go?" I cut to the chase, drumming my fingers on the table.

"Alright." Kate shrugs, calming me slightly. "Just blood tests and questionnaires, firing information at us."

"What sort of information?" I ask, desperate to know every detail.

"Oh the risk factors, the procedure, the possibilities of being a match." She explains. "The impact it'll make on our lives and things."

"...And what is the impact?" I avoid her gaze, unable to control the blameful feeling that had constantly been sitting inside me since they offered to donate.

"Well it's easy to live with one kidney." Aidan tries to reassure me.

"Not exactly easy." Kate is more honest. "I mean, there's more risks, obviously." I notice Aidan looking slightly shifty. "High blood pressure, nausea... Liver collapse..."

"Kate." Michelle cuts her off.

"Michelle she's being honest!" I object. "Like I asked her to be."

"Well if it's any consolation, they did say that loads of success stories have come out of it." She tries to reason with me. "And the chances of death are like one in one thousand seven hundred or something, wasn't it Aidan?"

"Mm." Aidan just mumbles and I meet his gaze hesitantly.

"It doesn't matter though." Kate replies bravely. "It could be one in four, I'd still do it."

"I wouldn't let you do it." I assure her. "If that was the case... In fact I'm hardly even letting you do it now. It's only because you're so stubborn."

"Yeah and look where we get it from." Kate points out and I narrow my eyes at her. "We'll find out in a matter of days. Then we've got further tests if these come back positive, but we'll be one step closer, hey?"

"I can't thank you enough." I begin.

"You don't have to." Aidan reaches for my hand across the table. "You're our sister, we're family, that's what it's all about; sticking together, helping each other through things."

"I've never been very good at family." I point out. "Well, until I realised I actually had one. You spoken to dad?"

"Yeah, he's supportive of everything." Aidan smiles, releasing my hand. "He's uh, not moving to Spain anymore though."

"Why?" I ask, aware it was probably down to me, again.

"Well with everything going on here." Aidan is careful as he phrases it. "He's looking at houses nearby for him and Jenny."

"Oh right." I just mumble in response, draining my glass and getting up, indicating for Michelle to move.

"Where are you going?" She asks, standing up as if I was about to do a runner.

"Getting another drink." I state, approaching the bar and lowering my glass onto it, as Peter pulls the cocktail stick out of his mouth.

"Straight vodka, was it?" He tries to joke, but I don't react.

"Water... Please." I reply and he looks confused for a minute.

"That's unlike you." He refills the glass for me. "How come you're not having a glass of red?"

"I wanted a drink, not a counselling session, Peter." I respond and he looks slightly amused as I meet his gaze.

"You alright?" He checks.

"Yeah look I'm sorry for what happened a few weeks ago." I apologise, still lacking enthusiasm in my tone. "It was petty and childish."

"I don't blame you for what you said." He compromises.

"Yeah I wasn't on about what I said, I meant what I did; showering your Mrs in a pint of bitter." I point to the pump. "What I said still stands, I don't need to apologise for that."

"Ok..." He trails off, looking quite put-out at my argument and I sigh, moving the glass back from the edge slightly.

"I'll be back for that in a moment." I tell him before heading towards the toilets, pushing the door open and locking the nearest cubicle, leaning up against the wall. I close my eyes, taking deep breaths in and out, the cool china tiles on the wall beneath my fingers, weirdly refreshing. I hear the door open, pausing for a moment before flushing the toilet, reluctant to leave after I'd so nearly calmed myself down. I unlock the door, my eyes fixating on where Michelle was sat on top of the sinks. "...You do realise there's two other free cubicles?"

"Yeah I didn't come here for that." She replies, softly.

"Strange place to come then." I shrug, leaning back against the wall opposite her.

"I know everything seems scary right now." She begins. "But they told me the same when I went to ask at the medical centre, the chances of success and living a normal, healthy life are so strong, Carla."

"Not definite though." I swallow, taking a step towards her, reaching out to take both her hands in mine. "I'm going to ask you something, and you're not going to like it."

"Go on." She narrows her eyes.

"...Don't do the tests." I reveal and she hesitates for a moment.

"That's not a question." She points out, as if almost joking. "That's a command, which I'm not going to obey."

"Ok then I'm _asking_ you not to do the tests." I sigh, staring down at her hands. "Please."

"Why?" She questions.

"Because Kate and Aidan are my best chance." I try to make excuses.

"But what's the harm in me testing?" She points out. "...The real reason, please?"

"...Because I know that if for some reason you're a match, even if Aidan and Kate are as well, you'll still offer to do it." I chew my lip and she nods in agreement. "And I don't want you to do it."

"I know you don't, Carla. But there's not really a choice..." She tries to be gentle as she says it. "You need a transplant."

"Yeah and I can undergo dialysis until I get one, or try to." I persist.

"Dialysis won't necessarily work in the long run, especially at your level." She tells me, having clearly read up on it. "And even if it does, it... Might be painful, time consuming, uncomfortable, it'll take over your life."

"...I know." I cover my ears, fear rippling inside me as she says it, forcing back tears. "But I'd rather that than risk losing you."

"Yeah and I'd rather risk my life with much smaller chances, than risk losing you!" She objects firmly.

"Right, listen." I lower my voice slightly, raising my head to meet her gaze. "You remember when that kid in the flat above us stole your doll? He used to pull your hair and threaten you. I can't remember his name."

"Mason Thorpe?" She recalls and I nod, the name suddenly becoming clear in my head. "Yeah I remember because that was one of my most traumatic childhood experiences, he threatened to rip it's head off."

"How old were you, like, eight?" I guess and she nods. "So I'd have been nine, he was roughly about eleven."

"What's your point?" She sighs, and my eyes dart back to hers again.

"Point being, Michelle, that despite him being older and tougher than me, I hated seeing you upset, I hated him for bullying you and therefore, who got your doll back for you?"

"You." She replies quietly.

"And I promised that day, that I would never let you get upset, or put you in danger again." I remind her. "Didn't I?"

"Yes." She admits, now knowing where this was going.

"And did he ever kick you, or push you, or call you names after that?" I ask and she shakes her head slowly, as if we were eight and nine all over again. "...I'm not letting you get hurt or putting you in danger. Not when I've spent my whole life protecting you." I finish and her eyes glisten slightly, contemplating my story for a moment.

"But Carla, I don't want you in danger either." She tells me, her voice wavering. "This works both ways."

"I know, but... Look, can't we just see what the outcome of Aidan and Kate's tests are, before we start jumping to further conclusions?" I ask, desperate for her to agree with me. "Please?" I kiss her gently, tilting my forehead against hers. "Please?"

"Kissing me doesn't sweeten the pill." She smiles slightly, and I kiss her again, her lips warm against mine as I move in to where she continued to sit in front of me. "...Ok."

"Ok?" I swallow, relief sweeping over me as my eyes search hers and she nods, placing a hand on the side of my face as she collides her lips with mine again, pulling on my jumper slightly so I move into her. I slip a hand under her hair, allowing her tongue to momentarily massage mine.

"...What the hell?" I instantly snap away, shock pulsating through me as I stumble backwards, Kate's expression sheer bewilderment.

"Kate!" I snap, my eyes going wide, Michelle slipping down from where she had been sat on the sinks. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Evidently." She points to Michelle, folding her arms and leaning up against the door as we all stare at one another in silence. "Will one of you explain what I just saw? Because I'm pretty sure I wasn't dreaming."

"That... Was just..." I trail off, point at Michelle awkwardly.

"I know what it was." She replies, a hint of confrontation in her voice. "And don't tell me it was nothing because I've seen enough of the pointless, one off kisses in gay clubs, to know that definitely wasn't it. What's going on?" She demands, and I sigh, biting down on my lip hard. "Somebody tell me!"

"We're together!" I shut her up and the toilets fall silent, an agonisingly long silence as she tries to process the two words.

"Together?" She repeats, her eyes darting between us. She opens and closes her mouth several times, trying to think of a further response. "What... When? No, forget that. How? You can't be. You're best friends, you're... Distant relations."

"Yeah _distant_." I force the word out, abruptly. "Distant."

"...This makes no sense..." she mumbles to herself before looking back at us. "So... So you're both what, bisexual?"

"Oh finally." I sigh, thankful someone hadn't jumped to the obvious conclusion again. "I don't know... I don't know, Kate. I've never had feelings like this for a woman before."

"This is exactly what I've just been through with Rana." She buries her head in her hands.

"So you should get it?" I prompt her.

"I do get it." She sighs, staring back at me. "I get the attraction thing, I'm just... I'm shocked, I had no idea. Absolutely no clue."

"I don't think a lot of people would..." Michelle adds.

"So this is why you broke up with Robert?" Kate asks her and Michelle nods. "Were you having an affair?"

"No..." Michelle sighs, glancing at me. "Not really."

"Not really?" Kate repeats, narrowing her eyes. "How can you 'not really' be having an affair?"

"Don't say that like you're some kind of goddess." Michelle replies defensively. "You've been having an affair with Rana for months."

"I wasn't judging." Kate holds her hands up, slowly calming about the situation.

"We weren't having an affair." I assure her. "I kissed Michelle, she broke it off with Robert a few days later. That's the extent of it."

"When?" She continues to question. "Does Robert know?"

"Oh I don't know, a few weeks ago." I sigh, leaning back against the wall. "Yes Robert knows, no he hasn't said anything."

"So nobody else knows?" She checks and I hesitate.

"Well Roy knows." I reply. "And dad."

"Dad knows?" She looks shocked. "What did he say?"

"He saw me kiss Carla in the hospital..." Michelle explains. "Pretty much the same reaction as you. But he's alright with it, I think."

"...Are you?" I decide to ask, chewing my lip as I watch her process the information.

"Well I know you came back from Devon with a big suitcase but I didn't realise you brought this much baggage." She responds and I smile slightly at her comment. "...Why keep it a secret?"

"Oh I don't know anymore." I shrug, looking down at the floor. "Everything else going on, my condition and having to drop that bombshell on you. I think we just thought it might be best keeping it quiet for a while. Besides the fact that everyone will be speculating."

"...Aidan's gonna go mad." She tells me and I give her a look.

"That's something to look forward to." I mutter, my expression softening. "Sorry you had to find out like that."

"Oh I'm getting used to it now." She smiles slightly and I walk forwards, taking her hands.

"Are you going to tell anyone?" Michelle stresses.

"Of course I won't." Kate looks at her. "Even if you can be a cow at times."

"Uh, excuse me!" Michelle objects and I groan.

"Yeah, that's another thing." I flick my finger between the two of them. "Kiss and make up, now. Well... Don't literally kiss, please." I watch as they pull faces at the thought. I wait expectantly, as Kate sighs, walking towards her with her arms open and wrapping her in a hug. "Yay... Well at least that's everything checked off my bucket list."

"That's not funny." Michelle rolls her eyes at my attempt at a joke.

"Except for going to a gay club." I point at Kate. "Can we do that now?"

"No you can't!" Michelle scolds me slightly and I pull a face at Kate, who laughs.

"I can't believe I've just found this out in the toilets of the Rovers." Kate paces around for a moment. "You know, I usually have a good sense of picking these things up, but you two? No way."

"Well what fun is life hey, when there's no surprises?" I recite and she tilts her head to the side in agreement. "Especially when you look like that." I point my finger at Michelle, without looking at her and she kicks my shoe playfully.

"So come on then." She jumps up on the sinks. "I want all the details."

"Well can we do it somewhere other than here?" I screw my nose up slightly as my eyes dart around the room. "At least out there?"

"Aidan's there." Michelle reminds me.

"Well I'll kick Aidan out." Kate decides, leading the way. "I'll tell him we're talking about girlie things, he'll be straight out of here. No pun intended."

* * *

"Hello." I lean forwards on the counter, letting myself into Johnny's flat, which used to be mine. I hadn't actually been here since I'd been back, and there was a sense of nostalgia about the place.

"You seem happy." Johnny observes, drying his hair with a towel.

"Caught you at a bad time?" I guess and he shakes his head confidently.

"Not at all." He replies. "Jenny's out at some wine bar with Rita."

"Alright for some." I kick the base of the work surface gently. "Just came to see how you are."

"I thought you'd be spending every minute you can with Michelle. With it being the honeymoon phase and all."

"I've known her all my life." I remind him. "The honeymoon phase went a long time ago... Actually scrap that, it never really ended." I contemplate, staring into space at the thought. "You know when you get butterflies every single time somebody always walks into the room?"

"...What and that's always happened?" He narrows his eyes. "Yet you never realised you had feelings for her until recently?"

"Well, no." I sigh, trying to process when things even changed, or at least confirmed it for me. "Sometimes."

"Are you sure this isn't just a phase?" He asks and I can't help feeling slightly offended. "You know, a mid-life crisis or something?"

"Uh!" I cut him off abruptly. "Excuse me, I am not having a mid-life crisis... My whole life is a crisis. And no, it's not a 'phase'. I love her."

"Well as long as I don't have to pick sides." He shrugs and I glance around the room.

"You having a car boot?" I point to the pile of boxes in the corner.

"We're moving." He tells me and I stare at him in surprise for a moment.

"Moving?" I repeat. "Aidan mentioned you were looking at properties, but I didn't think you actually meant it."

"Yeah, I uh, I put an offer down on a house a few streets away." He informs me. "It's been confirmed, so we thought no harm in starting to pack now."

"...And this has all happened in a matter of days?" I assume, shocked at the turn around. "Since you found out about me?"

"No." He shakes his head and it makes me feel a little less guilty. "I put the offer in at the start of January, actually. When I realised you'd be sticking around here... I already left you once, I don't want to do it again. I've got lost time to make up for."

"Ah..." I trail off, feeling touched at his speech, despite his casual attitude. "Well, if you're sure. I mean, you seemed really keen on Spain when I spoke to you on the phone a few months back."

"Well my family is here." He shrugs. "I started thinking how it was going to work out when my MS deteriorates; is moving to a completely different country, with a completely different language, really a smart idea? Plus now, I can be around for you."

"Ah, there we go." I point out. "I was wondering when you'd drop that in."

"I mean it Carla, anything you need."

"I know, I know." I nod, pausing in thought for a moment. "...So the flat will be free again?"

"Yeah well, I needed to discuss that with you." He remembers. "It's still technically yours so, if you want to put it on the market, now is the time to do so."

"...Might not need to." I drift around the room and he catches on. "When did you say you were moving out?"

 **Michelle**

"Evening." I hear the door close, and a pair of arms around my neck from behind the sofa.

"Where've you been?" I put my magazine down, turning my head to look at her.

"Uh, you mean 'hello light of my life, how lovely to see you again'." She prompts me and I narrow my eyes playfully, as she leans down to kiss me. "Dad's."

"Oh yeah?" I stand up, going to flick the kettle on. "You seem perkier."

"That's because I'm taking you out." She lowers her voice seductively, taking a step towards me and I turn to face her, noticing the glint in her eyes as she bites her lip excitedly. "To dinner."

"Are you?" I raise my eyebrows and she nods, moving towards me and wrapping her arms around my waist, nudging my nose against hers. "What's put you in a good mood?"

"Mm." She murmurs softly and it gives me butterflies as she does so, my eyes fixating on hers as she pokes me in the chest gently. "Go and get changed."

"That's a phrase I don't usually here you say." I whisper, grazing my lips against hers, and she hums slightly at my joke.

"Well I can help you, if you want?" She offers, pushing me up against the kitchen cupboard and kissing me passionately.

"What, pick an outfit?" I tease her, knowing how turned on she was and she smiles into the kiss.

"You're not funny." She scoops my hair up, moving to kiss the side of my neck.

"Oh well, what are you with me for then? If it's not my sense of humour."

"I could give you a very long list." She mumbles into my skin and I fold my arms, smiling as she groans.

"Go on then." I narrow my eyes.

"Come here." She pulls at me gently and I laugh. "Stop teasing me."

"No." I wind her up, allowing my hand to softly graze her thigh and her grip tightens in my hair slightly. I trail my fingers up her jeans, as she bites her lip. "It's quite amusing, seeing you so turned on."

"I'm not turned on."

"Yes you are."

"Yes I am." She finally agrees and I laugh, as she grabs my hand, leading me into the bedroom.

* * *

"Wow." Carla turns around to look at me and I gaze at her for a moment, thinking exactly the same thing. "You look gorgeous."

"So do you." I study the black dress she was wearing, which elegantly hugged her figure.

"Well we officially took two hours getting ready between us." She checks the clock. "Good luck on our wedding day."

"Haha." I narrow my eyes, going over to her and linking a hand around her neck, as I kiss her.

"You're gonna smudge my lipgloss." She mumbles.

"I really don't care." I smile, pulling away and rubbing my lips together. "It's mine now anyway."

"Is that why you did that?" She laughs and I flick the hair back off my shoulder.

"Amongst other reasons." I grab my bag. "We driving?"

"Yeah I will, then you can have a drink."

"I don't really want one." I tell her honestly, firstly because I didn't want to tempt her, and secondly because I didn't feel the need to if she wasn't. She tilts her head to the side, raising her eyebrows.

"You can stop that straight away." She orders, pulling her leather jacket on, as her dark hair falls loosely over her shoulders and I gaze at her lovingly for a minute. "What?"

"Nothing." I blush slightly, looking away. "You ready?" I chuck the car keys at her and she catches them effortlessly, following me out of the flat.

* * *

"Your appetite has been a bit better the last few days." I point out, as she puts her fork down, pushing the plate away.

"I know, I don't know why." She studies me for a minute. "You look tired."

"I'm fine." I assure her, finishing and placing my cutlery neatly in a pile.

"Bet Robert didn't keep you awake all night." She mutters to herself.

"Oi." I reach for her hand across the table, linking our fingers. "I told you, it doesn't matter."

"Mm." She looks under the table and I wonder what she's doing for a moment. "Those heels look good."

"Still can't believe you bought me them." I reply and she looks back at me, looking excited for a minute. "Why do you look like you're about to tell me something?"

"Maybe I am." She shrugs, her eyes darting down to my hands, looking around momentarily.

"Nobody's watching us." I smile contently and she looks slightly guilty as she meets my gaze again.

"Sorry, not used to it."

"What, and I am?"

"Why do you keep smiling like that?" She asks me, pointing it out.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm happy?" I reply sarcastically and she leans forward, mirroring the look on my face.

"Do you know how broken I would be if I didn't have you right now?" She lowers her voice. "I'm so grateful, you make me smile. I'd be miserable otherwise, constantly worrying, I'd feel needy and unloved."

"Well, you're definitely not unloved." I assure her and her face softens. "...I've never felt like this about anyone. Not even Steve. It's like it's a whole new level, where I don't just connect with someone physically, but emotionally as well. Like you know them completely, they're your best friend, as well as everything else."

"...You do mean me?" She checks and I mumble a laugh, nodding slowly. She gazes at me for a moment before pulling back, rummaging in her bag and producing a box. She holds it out to me, unable to stop the smile on her face as I hesitantly take it.

"Oh no... What have you bought me now?" I stress and she laughs at my reaction.

"Open it." She persists and I pull the top off, frowning at the silver key inside. I inspect it, confused for a moment, before her finger glides over it. "That, is the key to our flat."

"I've got a key to Roy's." I narrow my eyes at her.

"Not to Roy's." She shakes her head, as I slowly clock on. " _Our_ flat."

"...You didn't." I process the information, holding back another argument for the sake of her happiness. "I thought we were going to look together."

"Ok hear me out." She holds her hands up and I sigh, lowering the box. "It's my flat, well, Johnny's flat right now. He's moving out, as Aidan said earlier but I mean, moving out next week."

"Well where's he going?" I question.

"Bought a house about a five minute drive away." She tells me. "He told me earlier when I went over."

"So..." I piece it together. "Your flat is free again?"

"Exactly." She nods, as I glance down at the key, pushing it around the box, excitement building inside me. "You don't have to move in with me, if you don't want to."

"Don't want to?" I laugh softly, looking up at her expectant expression. "Of course I want to."

"Yeah?" Her eyes glitter warmly at my response.

"Oh babe." I close the box, leaning forward to take her hands in mine. "Thank you so much."

"...This is really happening isn't it?" She bites her lip and I nod, not even scared at the thought. We stare at each other in a comfortable silence for a minute, her fingers playing with mine. "I can't wait... No interruptions... Just you and me... You can cook and clean."

"Uh, and why's that?" I slap her hand gently and she giggles, which makes my stomach flip with happiness. "I'm the one working whilst you're lazing around."

"Lazing around?" She protests, nudging my leg under the table before going serious. "Just be prepared for tough days, ok?

"Bring it on." I squeeze her hand reassuringly and she smiles, satisfied with my response.

* * *

"Babe, phone." I call, holding it in the air but not making the effort to move from the bed.

"Oh can you get it?" She calls back to me. "Who is it?"

"I don't know, doesn't say." I glance at it before receiving the call, continuing to read my magazine. "Hello?"

"Hi Carla, this is Laura from Weatherfield General Hospital." A voice picks up.

"Oh hi." I sit up. "Sorry I'm her girlfriend, I'll just grab her for you." I stand up, heading out of the bedroom and knocking on the bathroom door. "Car? It's the hospital." There is a pause before she opens the door, her face pale. "You alright?" I mute the call. "You look awful."

"I'm fine." She sighs, tiredly, taking the phone from me and letting me in to the bathroom. "Hi, yeah it's Carla." She answers the phone, as I sit down on the edge of the bath, studying her. "Today?" She looks at me worriedly and I narrow my eyes. "Well what's with the urgency?" She turns away from me, pacing the bathroom in her nightshirt. "Uh... Yeah I guess so. Yeah I can bring my girlfriend... Is there anything I need to prepare at all?" She continues and confusion circulates inside me. "Ok... Thanks, bye."

"What's going on?" I ask gently, as she leans up against the sink, tapping the phone against her leg.

"They want me to go in today for some introductory dialysis consultation." She tries to shrug it off, despite looking terrified. "Says they've got a free slot and that I should start undergoing it as soon as possible... So they've clearly had all my results back."

"...That's last minute." I comment and she nods slowly, staring at the wall.

"Oh God sorry... I forgot you've got to work."

"No that's not important." I assure her, standing up and taking her hands. "I can call in. You're not going alone."

"I can ask somebody else, if you need?"

"I _want_ to come." I tell her.

"It's not going to be very nice..." She warns me, stressing at the thought.

"Exactly why I want to come." She brushes the stray hair behind my ear. "To be there for you."

"Ok..." She looks at me, nodding appreciatively. "Ok."

* * *

"You alright?" I sit down next to Carla in the waiting room and she swallows, shaking her head. I put an arm around her, as she rests her head on my shoulder.

"It'll be ok." I assure her, kissing her head. "I'm here, ok?"

"Mm." She nods as I comb my fingers through her hair. "Thank you for coming. What did you tell Robert?"

"That I couldn't work and that was the end of it." I respond and she smiles slightly at my protectiveness.

"Well Robert better get used to this." She sighs, her eyes darting around the waiting room. "If Aidan and Kate aren't a match, this could be going on for months."

"If Aidan and Kate aren't a match, I told you, I'm testing." I assure her firmly and she moves her head back, watching me for a moment.

"Not before my last resort, you're not." She hesitantly replies.

"Your last resort?" I repeat, trying to work out what she was going on about.

"Rob." She swallows and the idea washes over me, wondering why I hadn't considered it before.

"...I don't know how up for that he'd be." I try to phrase it gently, so she doesn't get her hopes up. "Prison will have made him even more bitter and stubborn than before."

"What? Bitter and stubborn enough not to care that his sister is dying?" She looks at me worriedly, as if I knew all the answers. "You mean he's never going to forgive me for putting him in there... You don't think he'd consider it?"

"Well he still loves you, doesn't he?" I try to reason with her and she shrugs. "He's your brother, of course he does."

"Last time I saw him, I told him never to come looking for me again. I told him he could rot in there..." She murmurs, staring into space, as her eyes flicker back at me, snapping back to reality. "You're right, it's a pointless thought."

"Woah, when did I say it was pointless?" I exclaim and she opens her mouth to reply, before she is cut off.

"Carla Connor to room six." A voice booms out and her head tilts in the direction of the noise, panic quivering in her expression for a split second. I stand up, as she hesitantly does the same.

"Ok?" I check and she just shrugs as she walks past me, leading the way towards the room. I get a sickening feeling when I see the machines, the bed, the tubes linking from one to another. Carla stares at them for a minute, before swallowing and sitting down.

"Carla? It's nice to meet you." A woman holds her hand out and Carla shakes it hesitantly.

"Wouldn't quite say nice." She mutters, unable to tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her. I notice her looking at me expectantly, before focusing back on the situation and taking a seat next to Carla.

"Oh hi." I hold my hand out and she shakes it. "I'm Michelle, Carla's partner."

"Oh right, nice to meet you." She smiles warmly. "Dr Mackenzie. You can call me Liv. Sorry for the last minute phone call."

"It's not exactly screaming good news to me." Carla tries to contain herself. "I'm not here for a spa treatment am I?"

"Carla." I say quietly and she sighs, stopping herself as she reaches for my hand.

"We need to start talking about introducing dialysis." Liv explains. "Until we can find a match for your transplant."

"Right, so... When?" Carla swallows, squeezing my hand gently.

"Initially we'll need to operate." She tells us and Carla narrows her eyes worriedly. "We need to create a special blood vessel in your arm, called an arteriovenous fistula."

"...In English?" Carla prompts, gritting her teeth at the thought.

"Basically, it will strengthen the blood vessel, so you're ready for treatment." She continues. "It will then make it easier to transfer your blood into the dialysis machine and back again."

"So when will you do the operation?" I input, trying to stay calm for Carla's sake.

"Well I'll need to take some bloods from you today if that's alright?" She looks at Carla and she nods slowly. "That might give us a clearer idea of timescales for doing so."

"You know the timescales." Carla replies, bluntly. "I'm dying, I've got a few months, they've already told me this."

"Exactly why we need to start treatment now." Liv replies, standing up and going over to the bed in the corner. Carla reluctantly follows, sitting down as I take a seat next to her.

"I hate blood tests." She mutters, wincing slightly as the needle goes into her arm. "Always remind me of bad times... After the fires, the minibus crash, the robbery at the Bistro... Frank... They always have to do blood tests. I don't know why." She looks up at Dr Mackenzie. "I'm gonna have none left. Still, at least my kidneys won't have to-"

"Be quiet." I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily and she swallows, looking at me apologetically.

"Sorry... Defence mechanism."

"I know." I assure her.

"I'll be back in a moment." Liv tells us, before leaving the room and I weave my fingers through Carla's hair comfortingly.

"How do you feel about everything she's said?" I dare to ask.

"Oh yeah really excited." She mutters sarcastically. "I can't wait."

"Well that's good then." I return her sarcasm and she turns her head to look at me, sighing slowly, tears brimming in her eyes.

"...I'm so scared." She admits and I nod understandingly, placing a hand on her knee.

"I know." I graze a finger along her cheek. "Hey, this time next year we could be on a beach. We could go somewhere, when you're better. Something to look forward to."

"Mm." She just mumbles in response, smiling at me appreciatively. "I love you."

"I love you too." I kiss her forehead.

 **Carla**

"What do you reckon Ryan's gonna say?" Michelle asks, whilst scrolling through her phone, as I drum my fingers on the dining table, waiting for my mobile to ring.

"About what?" I look up at her, her voice faintly intruding my thoughts.

"About what?" She scoffs. "Auntie Carla shacking up with him mum."

"Ew, don't say that." I pull a face, resting my legs on the table. "Makes it sound weird..." I trail off. "...Does that make him like, my step-son?"

"If you want." She shrugs casually and I go over the thought in my head. "Though technically it's when we get married."

" _When_ we get married?" Ismile slightly.

"If, when." Her eyes drift up over her phone, to meet mine. "Bet you didn't think he'd ever be that when you saw him in the hospital after I'd given birth."

"Surprisingly, that wasn't the first thing going through my head." I fiddle with my necklace impatiently. "I was too busy ripping on you for how awful you looked."

"Thanks, it's all fun and games..." She says before her tone wavers slightly, looking back at her phone to distract herself from the thought. I stand up, pushing through the gap between the table and her chair to sit on her lap. "What are you doing?" She laughs slightly, moving the chair out and wrapping her arms around me as I rest my head in her chest.

"You do know, if you want to talk to me about it at any time, you can." I move my head upwards to face hers. "Despite what's happened with me in the past, and what I'm going through now. I don't want you bottling things up."

"I'm not." She assures me and I tilt my forehead against hers.

"I know everything happened around this time last year." I tell her and she smiles weakly. "Sorry... I shouldn't have brought it up."

"...You understand it." She murmurs, searching my expression. "Properly understand it. You see, you understand me."

"Well, maybe to some extent." I swallow, massaging her scalp gently. "Never feel like you can't talk to me because of it, don't worry about upsetting me."

"I know." She whispers, kissing me gently for a moment, before reaching for her bag. I watch her pull something out of it, handing it to me.

"What's this?" I already know before I've opened it, looking down at the black and white image in front of me, memories flooding back as I do so. I look back at her, smiling slightly, before placing a lasting kiss on her forehead. "I love you." I wrap my arms around her neck, holding the picture carefully as I rest my head on her shoulder. Her tears silently dampening my top as I sway her gently. "I'm so proud of you. Always."

"Yeah well, likewise." She tries to compose herself, pulling back and taking the picture from me, looking down at it for a minute as I play with her hair, watching her.

"He's beautiful." I tell her gently and she looks up at me.

"It's scan photo." She manages a weak laugh. "You can't tell that."

"He's your son, of course he's beautiful." I smile and her face softens, I wrap her hair around my finger, watching how silky it was as it slips through my hands. "Thank you for showing me."

"Thank you for always sticking by me." She responds and I hum slightly as she puts the picture back in her bag.

"I shouldn't have gone to Devon." I link my fingers with hers. "I should have stayed, I'd have been here."

"If you hadn't, we probably wouldn't be here now." She reminds me. "You'd be married to Nick."

"Well I'm not, am I?" I smile, kissing her nose affectionately. "And I've never been so content with someone, respected someone so much. I promise you that."

* * *

 _ **I've had quite a few reviews saying people want more mature content written into the story. I've kept it quite low-key, but if that's what people are interested in, I may be able to up the rating and expand on the scenes slightly, to say the least. I don't want to put readers off by it though, so let me know what you want :) Thanks for reading, sorry for the delay!**_


	9. Desire

**Chapter 9:**

 _ **A/N: You all asked for mature content so, it's not the most in depth it could have been, because it's not my writing forte and I want to keep the rating at T. Hope you enjoy all the same, and enjoy the links to tonight's episode!**_

 **Carla**

"Mm." I croak slightly as Michelle plasters me in kisses, smiling as I keep my eyes closed, enjoying the contact against my skin. "Stop that." I reach out a hand to bat her away and she grabs it, pulling me towards her as I finally open my eyes, seeing her looking down at me. "Morning."

"Morning." She plants kisses into my hair, moving down my face until she has met my lips.

"You're in a good mood." I mumble, closing my eyes again as I fall into her embrace. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Good." She whispers into my skin, watching as I play with her fingers in silence for a minute.

"You've got work in half an hour." I pick my phone up and she snatches it off me, throwing it off down the bed. "Hey!"

"I don't care about work." She meets my eyes, rolling over so she was lying on her front. I watch her kick her legs in the air, her hair falling over her natural face, silk black nightdress only just concealing her figure. I was in awe of her.

"I'm so lucky." I bite my lip, gazing at her and she narrows her eyes, moving towards me and pulling me forwards. I sit upright, leaning into her as I kiss her, pushing her back onto the bed gently so I fall on top of her, our eyes connecting. "I didn't think I'd be saying that at the minute, but I feel it. Right now."

"Well I'm pleased." She says softly, pulling my head down to meet hers.

 **Michelle**

"I will have a large glass of Merlot." Carla leans on the counter of the Bistro and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Ugh... Can you knock me up something exciting?"

"Yeah if you like." I flash her a seductive glance and she smiles slightly. "Heard from the doctors?"

"No..." She trails off. "Do you reckon that's a good or a bad sign?"

"There." I avoid the question, putting a drink down in front of her.

"So what's in this?" She stirs it with a straw, looking at it inquisitively.

"She better have paid for that." Robert's voice sounds from behind me and I turn to face where he is looking at the till. "You're here to work, not give freebies away to your girlfriend."

"Keep your voice down." I hiss, glancing around the restaurant, as Carla pulls her purse out. "Babe, you don't need to pay."

"What even is that?" He studies it. "How much alcohol is in there?"

"None." I tell him.

"Yeah right." He scoffs, glancing at Carla bitterly as Daniel appears behind him.

"Can I take my break?" He asks, before noticing Carla. "Oh hi. Haven't seen you in a while."

"I know." She smiles. "Well if you're taking your break you can fill me in."

"Lucky you..." Robert mutters, ushering Daniel off as he heads around the bar.

"Fill him in?" I repeat, trying to conceal the slightly jealous tone to my voice.

"Love you." She whispers before getting up, going over to sit down at a table in the corner with him. I watch her lean forwards on the table, excited for some more gossip.

"They've known each other five minutes!" I exclaim, before realising it was to Robert. I turn, noticing his gleeful expression at my dislike. "They're acting as if they're best mates."

"She has a habit of that; her 'best mates' becoming lovers." He replies, satisfaction in his voice. "Better watch yourself."

"He's young enough to be her son." I glare at him.

"I've started to figure anything can happen." He shrugs. "Especially with that woman."

"Oh shut up." I snap.

"Oh that's it; jealousy." He snaps his fingers together. "Sorry, I was making a list of all the things that are unattractive about you. That's one that I missed."

"Jealousy?" I raise my eyebrows. "Oh no darlin', I never got jealous over you. Trust me."

"You're an experiment." He assures me firmly, and I have to refrain from slapping him. "Don't come crying to me when you've had your heart broken." He points over to their table. "It's not like she hasn't got form for it, is it?" He smirks slightly before heading back into the kitchen and I shake off his snide remarks, continuing to scribble something down on the notepad in front of me, as their laughter continues in the background.

"Can I have a coke?" Carla's voice sounds after a few minutes and I look up, as she holds a fiver out to me.

"You've only just had that one." I point out. "You thirsty?"

"Oh it's not for me." She replies. "It's for Daniel."

"Oh... Yeah sure." I shrug, grabbing one from the fridge. "Thought I'd have to ID him then."

"Hey?" She frowns, confused at my joke, as I hand it to her. "It's because he's working."

"Yes I know." I hold my hand up at the money. "Don't worry about that."

"Well I said I'd buy him a drink." She waves it at me as I reluctantly take it.

"Buy him a drink?" I scoff slightly and she raises her eyebrows, as I hand her the change. I flash her a smile, ripping the paper from the machine. "That's three pounds twenty pence change and your receipt. Have a lovely day."

"Thanks I will." She winks at me before walking off and I chew my lip for a moment before heading into the kitchen.

"Oh hello, how are table sixteen doing on their date?" Robert asks in a casual tone and I grit my teeth together taking the food off the rack.

"Do you realise how petty you sound?" I release a small laugh.

"Do _you_ realise that I could pop upstairs tonight and tell Johnny that his daughter swings the other way?" He responds. "And is in a relationship with her cousin."

"She's not my cousin." I say firmly and he laughs. "And Johnny already knows."

"Ooh, it's getting serious." He continues.

"Yeah it is actually." I nod. "We're moving in together and all next week, thought you'd want the memo. Oh and uh, it's in the flat above yours. Just to pre-warn you. Might get noisy." I storm out, the plates in my hand rattling slightly as I do so.

* * *

"Carla!" I exclaim, as I peer into the booth in the Rovers. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"...Why?" She frowns, shuffling up so can sit down next to her.

"Why won't you answer your phone?" I snap and she looks taken-aback, glancing at Johnny awkwardly. "I was worried."

"Ok Michelle, I'm not a lost dog." She replies, sarcastically. "It's been on silent."

"Hi Johnny." I mutter, suddenly feeling quite embarrassed at my outburst.

"Babe, what _is_ wrong?" Carla persists.

"Nothing!" I hold my hands up. "Just when you won't answer your phone after six missed calls, I can't help worrying, can I?" I tell her and she looks apologetic for a moment. "Plus Robert has been whining down my ear all day."

"Is he giving you both stick?" Johnny asks, immediately territorial. "Because I can have a word-"

"No you don't." Carla cuts him off. "You having words with Robert Preston isn't a good mix. I know that from experience. Stay out of it."

"Oh hello." Kate slips her hand over the wood above me. "Didn't realise we were having a family gathering. Carla, why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"Do you want to tag me?" Carla offers, sarcastically and I give her a look as she pulls it out of her bag. "Honestly... Can I borrow some earrings?" She reads. "That's what was so important?"

"Well it doesn't matter now, does it?" Kate rolls her eyes, sitting down next to Johnny and taking a sip from his bottle of lager.

"Why have you left me three texts?" Carla glances at me, before looking back at the screen. "Where are you? Answer your phone. Can we-"

"Yeah don't read that last one out loud." I lower her phone defensively and she smirks slightly, her eyes darting across to mine.

"I won't cramp your style for too long." Kate pipes up. "I've got a date in here, whenever she arrives."

"Ooh, with Rana?" Carla assumes, keeping her voice hushed and Johnny tuts slightly.

"Sophie."

"Flipping heck Kate." Carla raises her eyebrows, looking impressed. "You don't let the grass grow."

"Well we get along, she's hot." Kate shrugs.

"Oh careful, that's the grounds for a long-term relationship."

"Speaking of long-term relationships." She leans forward, excitedly. "I hear you're moving in together next week. That's all moving quickly."

"Well it's not like I met her in a bar a few weeks ago, is it?" Carla points at me. "We've lived together before."

"Yeah but not like that." Kate inputs. "You'll be rowing over the little things like who does the cleaning."

"Michelle."

"And the cooking."

"Michelle."

"And goes out to earn the money."

"Michelle." Carla continues and I nudge her playfully, causing her to laugh. I meet her gaze for a moment, desperate to kiss her but aware Eva and Toyah were watching us from behind the bar, as if we were going to start throwing pints around again. I look back to where Johnny is gazing at us contently, satisfied with Carla's happiness. She leans in hesitantly, brushing the hair out of the way of my ear and it gives me butterflies as she does so. "Oh and uh, the answer's yes, by the way."

"Hm?" I frown and she taps her phone, causing me to smile slightly. "Wanna get off?"

"Yep." She stands up abruptly, clinging on to the side as she does so.

"Hey, you alright?" I put a hand on her arm to steady her as she catches her breath.

"Yeah just, stood up too fast." She mumbles, regaining herself and flicking the hair back off her shoulder. "See you both soon."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Johnny asks, concerned.

"I'm fine." Carla assures him and he stares at me worriedly.

"I'll take care of her." I link her arm. "Trust me."

 **Carla**

"So is this why you wanted me to answer my phone?" I tease her, as soon as the flat door is closed. "Roy?" I yell, pacing the flat and Michelle grabs my hand, pulling me into her and colliding her lips with mine. She smiles into it, massaging her tongue against mine before I push her back against the dining table, allowing her to pull herself up on to it. "So you were thinking about this at work were you?"

"Don't talk." She raises a finger to my lips and I bite it gently, which makes her smile. She tugs on my t-shirt, pulling me back in as I grab hers, dragging it up over her head, which breaks the kiss momentarily.

My fingers move to her bra, which after a few attempts, was progressively getting easier to unclip. I allow it to fall down around her, slipping it off her arms as I move down her body, gently sucking on her neck. She throws her head back, as I work my way over her silky skin, trailing kisses down her chest and towards her nipple. She lets out a sigh as I do so, tentatively sucking as she holds the back of my head.

Her hands fumble with the buttons on my top, allowing it to loosen, as she pulls it over my head, my hair falling back around my face, meeting her gaze for a moment, before moving back down. My hand glides up the netting of her tights, drifting under her skirt, where I can feel a warmth building. I circulate my hand over her crotch, continuing to move my mouth over her breast, hearing her let out a quiet whimper at the contact.

I tease my fingers under the hem of her tights, as she pushes her skirt down around her ankles. A slight moan emits her lips as she waits for me to proceed and I laugh to myself quietly, breathing in the scent of her perfume as I run my lips over her body. I push her back onto the table gently, pulling her skirt and tights fully down her legs and trailing kisses up her thigh.

"Please." She mumbles, her hand clasped against my skin and I look up at her, where her hair was spread out over the table, her expression full of lust. It amazes me how somebody can be as beautiful. She was everything I had ever needed and more. "Please." She repeats and I smile, kissing her gently, as she takes my hand, moving it down her body. I begin to run my fingers in circular motions over her sensitive spot and she gasps suddenly, breaking the kiss as her fingers tighten in my hair. I smile contently, speeding up my pace, watching her eyes flutter closed. I kiss her cheek, her nose, her chin, her lips, before moving downwards, placing lasting kisses in a line down her chest, her stomach, meeting the base of it and beginning to suck gently. My fingers curl their way into her, and she mumbles to herself at the intimacy. My spare hand finds hers, linking our fingers as she squeezes them gently.

Increasing my movements, my pace quickens and she shifts against the table, quiet noises leaving her lips, which she wasn't refraining from dropping.

"Are you comfortable?" I check, removing my lips from her, but not stopping the movements my fingers were continuing.

"Yeah." She just replies breathlessly. She grabs my hand, pulling me back up to kiss her, tasting herself against my lips as I speed up the movement of my fingers. She breaks the kiss, panting to herself, as I brush the hair behind her ear that was falling across her face. "Mm." She swallows, releasing against me, as a wetness builds around my fingers. I smile as she does so, with the knowledge I had pleasured her in a way which made her feel like this. "You're good." She whispers, kissing me gently as I slow my movements, retracting my fingers elegantly.

"Ok?" I check and she nods assertively, fixating a loving gaze on me. "You're beautiful."

" _You're_ beautiful." She assures me. "And you're very good at that."

"I have certain talents." I whisper in her ear, nibbling on it gently. I move back to see her smiling contently, her hand still linked with mine. "At least we didn't break Roy's table."

"Oh God." I suddenly panic. "He never finds out about this. Never."

"I'm not gonna tell him." She bites her lip as I grab the cleaning spray from the cupboard. She sits herself up, hair falling around her naked frame, watching me search for some kind of cloth. "...Um... I'm sat here naked..."

"I can see that." I smile slightly.

"And you're just gonna clean?" She stands up, kissing the back of my neck and trailing her fingers up my arms. "Really?" She whispers in my ear and I swallow, as the warmth of her breath tickles my skin.

"Roy could come back any second." I point out, disinfecting the table and wiping a cloth over it.

"...Was that not ok?" She checks, suddenly looking worried.

"Michelle." I flick my head around to face her, taking in her figure. I hesitate for a moment, before throwing the spray back on the table and pulling her towards me. "You're perfect. You know that."

"Well, clearly that didn't turn you on enough, if you're not ripping your clothes off in return." She raises her eyebrows as I kiss her and she mumbles slightly. "No, the moment has passed."

"Stop being so stroppy." I laugh and she tries not to smile. "Hm?" I move in to kiss her again. "And yes... It turned me on." I whisper against her lips. "You always turn me on."

"Always?" She repeats, her hands slipping through my hair as I move her towards the bedroom.

"In fact this whole secrecy thing, makes me want you even more." I push her against the bedroom door gently. "When I have to keep my hands off you all day. It's hard."

"Yeah?" She moves down to my neck, trailing kisses along my collarbone.

"Yeah." I sigh at the contact, and she spins me around, my back colliding with the door momentarily. She is careful, she knows why, so she refrains from being forceful in any way. Her hands move to my bra, unclipping it and allowing it to fall down around me. She cups my breast in her hand, kissing down my chest and kneeling before me, pulling my jeans down and revealing my lacy underwear, kissing them briefly before standing up again.

Taking my hand, she guides me over to the bed, laying me down and studying me for a moment. She smiles contently, the urges present in my expression as she trails her hand down my body, slipping it beneath my underwear and pulling it part way down my legs. She continues to watch me, and I allow her to, swallowing as I feel her fingers against me, a tickle of pleasure beginning to increase as she circulates me.

I gasp without thinking, closing my eyes as the pleasure intensifies. I needed this. I needed to feel something; the love, the lust, the pleasure, the affection. She gave me all of it. I felt so alive at this moment in time, even though I was the closest to death I had ever been. But then again, who wasn't.

"Tell me to stop if you need." She whispers, as she always does, smoothing the hair out of my face as she moves her fingers downwards, slipping them inside me. I shake my head at her statement, the care she was giving me making me warm, making me wet. "Is that ok?"

"Mm." I mumble, pulling her down to kiss me, feeling her skin against mine, our chests meeting one another, completely exposed, completely comfortable. She kisses me passionately, her tongue winding around mine, slipping another finger into me and speeding up. I groan slightly, not bothering to try and stay quiet. She knew me well enough by now. She knew me well enough all along. There were no barriers. "Chelle." I whisper and she increases her speed again, her breath hot against my cheek as I break the kiss, moaning to myself in pleasure. I hold back from climaxing, relishing the movements inside me. I sigh desirably, playing with her hair absentmindedly as she curls her fingers inside me, causing me to suddenly arch my back, involuntarily releasing against her. I catch my breath as she slows herself, kissing my forehead, moving along my jawline. "I love you." She whispers in my ear and I smile, regulating my breathing as she removes herself from me, lying back on the bed and watching my eyes flutter closed. I stay in peaceful bliss for a few minutes, feeling her play with my hair, shuffling herself towards me and wrapping me in her arms. I smile into her chest, placing a hand flat against it, the heavy beat of her heart comforting to me.

"I love you too, by the way." I finally whisper and a muffled laugh emits her lips, as she moves her forehead down to meet mine.

"You ok?" She checks and I nod confidently, nudging my nose against hers which makes her smile. "You look worn out."

"Yeah I am." I giggle, rolling on top of her and kissing her for a moment, before my phone suddenly rings from the living room and I freeze. She can see the worry in my expression, the fear.

"It's ok." She reassures me, as I retract myself, slipping my dressing gown around me as she does the same. I head out of the bedroom, managing to pick it up before it rings out.

"Oh, it's Johnny." I feel relieved, despite the fact I'd have to face the hospital sooner or later. I let the phone go to voicemail, turning to pull her back in as a different tone goes off. "Oh for God's sake."

"I'll answer it." She picks her phone up. "Johnny? Yeah, we are..." She trails off and I study her confused expression. "Well we just-" She begins. "Uh, yeah I suppose... If it's that important. We'll be over in ten. Ok, see you."

"What?" I frown, as she lowers the phone.

"He says he needs to meet us in the Rovers."

"Well I've just met him in the Rovers!" I exclaim, picking up her abandoned clothes in the process and throwing them into the bedroom. "Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Said it's important. He wants all of us there."

"I thought Kate was out with Sophie?"

"Like I said, he made out it was urgent." She studies me. "Are you alright? You've gone a bit pale."

"I'm fine." I sigh, despite feeling quite dizzy. "Just tired."

"Sorry." She smiles slightly and I hold my arms out as she walks into them.

"Don't apologise." I kiss the top of her head. "It's a good tired, a very good tired."

 **Michelle**

"Ok, what's all the fuss?" Carla sighs, sitting down in the booth opposite Johnny and Aidan, Kate sitting at the top as I slip in next to Carla. "We were busy."

"Bet you were." Kate mumbles, not loud enough for Aidan to hear and I shoot her a look.

"Aidan's got some news." Johnny claps him on the back and Carla narrows her eyes.

"Oh God... Who have you got pregnant?" I joke and he turns his gaze to me, laughing sarcastically. I can notice a tinge of worry in his expression, unsure if anybody else could pick up on it.

"I've had a call from the doctors." He announces, taking Carla's hand in his and she swallows, staring at him intently. "I'm a match."

"...What?" She almost splutters and relief encases me, my heart pumping fast in my chest.

"He's a match." Johnny repeats, as if she hadn't heard and I glance at Carla's disbelieving expression, full of shock and guilt and relief. "It's good news, Carla. Really good news."

"Yeah." Carla tries to process the information, and I watch as Aidan dips his head, staring at the table for a moment before plastering a smile on his face.

"Hey." I shake Carla, trying to bring her back to reality. "You ok?"

"Yeah just uh, shocked." She widens her eyes slightly, focusing back in on Aidan. "How do you feel about it?"

"Like a hero, I expect." Johnny responds on his behalf, and I watch Aidan try to produce a reply.

"Yeah, shocked as well." He forces out and I lean back, narrowing my eyes slightly. "Anything to save your life."

"I... I don't know what to say." Carla turns to me and I immediately force a smile onto my face for her benefit, shrugging. "I actually uh..." She removes her hand from Aidan's fanning herself briefly. "I'm gonna get a glass of water." She stands up and I move aside to let her do so. I watch her for a moment, as she places two hands down on the bar top, turning my gaze back to Aidan momentarily.

"Oh my God." He suddenly looks past me and I flick my head around, standing up abruptly to catch Carla as she falls backwards.

"Carla?" I grab her, supporting her as she falls to the floor, kneeling down as her head falls into my lap. "Carla?" I panic, shaking her slightly. "Call an ambulance."

"I'm on it." Kate pulls her phone out, staring at her worriedly. I shake her gently, slapping her face to try and bring back consciousness. Fear creeps through me as I force myself to check her pulse, relieved at the strong beat it was relaying.

"How many has she had?" Peter observes from behind the bar, a look of concern in his expression.

"It's nothing to do with drink." I snap at him.

"Carla? Sweetheart?" I stroke my fingers through her hair as Johnny kneels next to me, placing a hand against her cheek. I swallow back tears, hating the fact everybody was staring at the scene we were making. "Kate, are you through to the ambulance?"

"Is she saying anything?" Kate questions and I shake my head. "Is she breathing?"

"Yeah." I check, trying to stay calm, despite Johnny noticing how much I was shaking.

"Here." Peter offers me a glass of water and I stare at it for a moment. "To help her sober up."

"She's not drunk!" I yell at him and he looks surprised at my outburst.

"She's got kidney failure." Johnny announces, out of pure stress and anger and Peter falls silent as soon as he has said it, along with the rest of the pub. Kate stares at him in shock for a moment, before returning to the call.

"Forty three." She recites down the line. "The Rovers Return, Coronation Street... Yeah..."

"She's got what?" Peter demands and I glare at him.

"Remind me how this is any of your business?" I point out, bitterly.

"Yeah, you can remind me and all." Toyah mutters from behind the bar and he hastily retracts, heading back towards her.

"Chelle..." I hear a voice murmur, my head snapping back to Carla.

"Hey." I whisper comfortingly, as her hand tightens slightly around my top. "It's ok, the ambulance is on its way."

"What's she saying?" Aidan crouches down next to me.

"At least she's conscious." I sigh with relief, glancing at Kate to indicate it to her.

"She's said something, I think she's conscious." Kate tells them down the phone.

"Somebody needs to tell Roy." I try to clear my clouded mind.

"I'll uh, I'll give him a ring." Aidan disappears, looking fearful as he does so.

"Hey, it's me darling." I squeeze Carla's hand gently. "Don't worry, you'll be ok. I promise you."

* * *

"How is she?" I stand up abruptly as soon as the doctor enters, everybody following my lead.

"Better than when she came in." She tells me, noticing the panic and worry in my expression.

"Do we know what caused the collapse?" Roy asks, trying to stay calm under the circumstances.

"She had an infection." She explains. "We've put her on antibiotics."

"So, she can come home?" Kate inputs.

"Not till she's over it." The doctor replies and my heart sinks at the thought. "I understand the search is on for a donor in the family?"

"I uh... I'm a uh, a match." Aidan stutters, raising his hand awkwardly and I can tell the bravery he is trying to force into his tone. "I got the blood test results back this morning. I'm her half-brother."

"Oh good." She nods, sounding positive about the news. "Then we need to fix you an appointment at the transplant centre. To make sure everything else is alright."

"How soon are we talking about?" I hear Johnny ask, as my gaze drifts to Aidan, his eyes darting down to the floor as he swallows.

"Your daughter's relapse has raised the stakes, Mr Connor." I hear her telling him, my eyes fixated on Aidan, before her next words tear me back to reality. "If we're going to save her, we need to move very fast indeed." My head snaps back around, my eyes widening, my heart pounding at the words.

"What?" I almost splutter out, tears freezing in my eyes, as everybody falls silent.

"We're going to take her to theatre." She explains, as Johnny's arms fix around me, comfortingly. "See what we can do to support her in the meantime. We also need to undergo her arteriovenous fistula operation, so she's ready to start dialysis as soon as possible."

"And you're doing that today?" I clarify, my tone shaky.

"We'll be taking her down within the next ten minutes." She replies. "If you want to see her-"

"Yep." I grab my bag, not caring anymore if anyone thinks my behaviour is out of sorts. Carla was all I cared about. Nobody else's thoughts and opinions mattered to me when it came down to this.

"Follow me." She smiles comfortingly and I force my legs to move in her direction, everybody else behind me.

"Michelle? Roy?" I hear a voice before I see her, practically running over to the bed. She looked so weak and frightened, I wonder if I've ever felt so protective of somebody's happiness. I'd swap with her in an instant.

"Hey." I lean down, kissing her forehead, my tears leaving a wet mark which I am quick to wipe off. I stand up, noticing how Aidan and Jenny were looking at me.

"Roy." Carla holds her hand out to him, and he takes it. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You have no reason to thank me." Roy replies curtly and she manages a weak smile, reaching up to place a friendly kiss on his lips.

"You make it sound as if it's the last time we'll see you." Aidan manages to joke and Kate kicks him harshly. "We'll see you in a few hours. You'll be absolutely fine."

"Thanks to you." Carla smiles at him and he nods slowly, avoiding her gaze. She turns to look at me longingly, which Kate is quick to pick up on.

"Uh, Aidan come on." Kate tugs on his arm slightly. "We should go and talk to the nurse."

"Why?" Aidan frowns.

"Because she might have some more information about the transplant surgery." She makes up excuses and I smile at her gratefully as she leads Aidan off, taking Jenny with her. Roy backs away slightly, and I lean down to kiss her, being as gentle as possible. Our tears collide, trying to conceal my muffled cries as I smooth her hair back, tilting my forehead against hers.

"Hey, don't be silly." She whispers weakly, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Like Aidan said, I'll see you in a few hours."

"I love you." I promise, kissing her again. "I'll see you in a bit. Ok?"

"I love you." She swallows, linking her fingers with mine for a moment before they begin to wheel her off. I watch her go, tears beginning to pour down my cheeks as I begin to cry helplessly. My body goes numb, my legs are shaking, Johnny is instantly by my side, holding me as I cry into him, Roy's hand on my back.

"It's so hard. It's so hard." I cry, even though I knew this was hard on all of us, equally. I felt so selfish, but it was breaking my heart; when you're so in love with someone, when they've been your rock, your soul mate all of your life, and yet every single time I saw her I knew it could be the last time. "It hurts."

"I know sweetheart." Johnny whispers soothingly, moving with me as I crouch to the floor, crying into his chest. "It'll be alright. Everything will be alright."

* * *

 _ **Thanks for all your support so far :)**_


	10. Intoxication

**_A/N: I hope this didn't seem too rushed by the end, but I needed to get something up. Apologies for the delay, I've had a lot on. Trigger warning for sexual content in this chapter._**

 **Chapter 10:**

 **Carla**

A trail of white light seeps through my eyelids, intensifying slowly, a dull ache in my head, behind my eyes, in my arm. My arm. I hear a low beeping noise, a ringing in my ears, the white light beginning to flicker as I am dragged out of a trance, unable to breathe. I couldn't breathe. I try to find breath. I fight for it, everything blocked. I begin to panic, my eyes not opening, confusion intoxicating me.

"Carla, Carla." I hear a familiar voice as it faintly becomes louder, my eyes suddenly opening at the sound, clasping a hand tightly. "Hey, hey it's ok." There's a hand in my hair, calming me, as I slowly begin to breathe again. "It's me, you're safe, I promise." I listen to the words, my head rotating in that direction and seeing Michelle, worry and love clouding her expression. I try to say something in response, but my mouth feels like sandpaper and the dryness causes me to splutter. I tear at my oxygen mask, my throat burning for moisture, as I feel her release me, pulling it off my face and raising a cup to my mouth. I continue to gag, trying to sip from it, allowing her to help me sit up. I breathe in real air, free of the trap I had been under, steadying myself as she gently tilts my head back, helping me to drink.

The water hits my throat, trickling down it invitingly, cooling the soreness that had invaded. My vision becomes clear at last, the machines around me visible and existent as I place a hand over hers, pulling the cup away slowly.

"...Mm." I manage to mumble, her hand rubbing my back in circular motions. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." She smiles, calming as I do. She places the cup down, as I try to brush the hair out of my face, the drip in my hand suddenly making sense to me.

"Oh..." I trail off, remembering why I was here. "...I had a..."

"You remember?" She checks, her voice so soft and caring as she moves forward, scooping my hair up in her hands and tying it back neatly with the band around her wrist. "Better?" She kisses my forehead and I smile at the contact, murmuring quietly as she sits back down. "Your operation went well. They've managed to do this... Thing in your arm, honestly they must have said the word about a hundred times overnight and I still can't pronounce it."

"You've been here all night?" I stop her babbling on, touched as she nods slowly. "Chelle, you should have gone home."

"Well I wasn't going to, was I?" She dips her head slightly. "I didn't know when you'd wake up, and I wanted to be here when you did."

"...I'm glad you were." I swallow, my head still pounding from shock or anaesthetic or fatigue. "Otherwise I'd have kept panicking."

"You're ok now though?" She questions and I nod, taking her hand. "Johnny's going to be annoyed. He only left to go and get something to eat about ten minutes ago."

"Have you eaten?" I ask her and she goes quiet. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know." She shrugs, clearly it hasn't been her top priority, and I knew what was.

"Michelle, you need to take care of yourself!" I exclaim. "I don't want you in one of these beds and all."

"The only way I'll be getting into one of those, is if I get in there with you." She looks tempted at the thought and I can't help smiling.

"How is everyone? What did they say about it?" I begin to question. "Did I make a show of myself in the Rovers?"

"Ok, calm down." She laughs slightly, her fingers massaging my scalp. "Of course you didn't make a show of yourself, everyone was just worried about you. How are you feeling?"

"A bit... I don't know, weird." I try to summarise.

"It's probably the anaesthetic."

"You'd think I'd be used to that by now." I mutter, as the door opens and Johnny enters with Aidan, Michelle letting go of my hand.

"Hi sis." Aidan reaches down to hug me, kissing my cheek before sitting down on my bed. "When did you wake up?"

"About five minutes ago." I glance at Michelle and she nods. "I don't even know what they've done to me." I pull my arm out of the bedsheets, wincing at the bandage on it.

"Something to do with strengthening your blood vessels." Aidan shrugs, before pointing at the drip. "And they've put you on antibiotics."

"You had an infection." Johnny explains. "That's what lead to the collapse."

"And partly because of exhaustion." Aidan adds. "What had you been doing beforehand?"

"Uh..." I trail off, my eyes shifting to Michelle awkwardly. "Cleaning."

"Cleaning?" Aidan scoffs slightly.

"Well... You need to start... Cleaning... In moderation." Johnny tries to indicate, clearly awkward about what he was insinuating.

"She hardly cleans anyway." Aidan points out. "Cut it out all together."

"Yeah I don't think that will be happening." I mumble under my breath, as I sit myself up more. "Where's Kate?"

"Trying to make things up with Sophie." Johnny replies. "I think she's a bit annoyed she hadn't told her."

"Well it's hardly any of Sophie Webster's business, is it?" I sigh as Johnny's phone begins to ring. "Besides, I'll tell Sophie it was me who told Kate not to say anything."

"Sorry I've got to take this." He groans, looking down at the screen. "It's about the house."

"I've got more tests today." Aidan moves forward slightly as Johnny leaves and my expression becomes more serious. "And more information about things... I'm due there in an hour."

"How are you feeling about it?" I stupidly ask, trying to dissolve the guilt I was feeling.

"Nervous." He shrugs. "But it's worth it, so." He watches me for a moment, reaching for my hand, our eyes connecting.

"Hello." There's a small knock on the door and my eyes drift to where Peter and Daniel were stood in the doorway.

"Uh... What are you doing here?" Michelle's tone is bitter, as Peter moves forward, handing me a box of chocolates which I stare at for a moment.

"Chocolates?" I narrow my eyes. "How were you ever married to me?"

"Oh come on." He smiles slightly. "I know you liked the odd soft centre when nobody was looking. Quite ironic, really."

"How is that ironic?" Michelle almost snaps and I wave at Daniel weakly.

"Well because... You know, she's not soft." Peter tries to elaborate, as Aidan stands up.

"She can be." Michelle objects. "If you know her well enough."

"Well I'd like to think I did-" Peter begins.

"Ok, ok." I sigh, holding my hands up. "I'm too tired for this right now. Peter, thank you." I place the chocolates down and Michelle scoffs quietly.

"I'm going to get some coffee's." Aidan decides. "Anybody want anything?"

"Uh, I'll have a jasmine tea." Daniel replies and Aidan stares at him, confused for a moment.

"I think it's just... Standard tea and coffee." He responds. "From the machine."

"Oh well, no thanks then." He sits down in the spare chair and Aidan pulls a face behind his back before leaving. "You scared us all yesterday."

"Yeah sorry for assuming you were drunk." Peter adds, sitting down on the edge of my bed and I feel Michelle shift slightly as he does so.

"You weren't to know otherwise." I reply, my eyes drifting between them. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well, I came to check you were ok." Peter shrugs, his eyes fixated on mine. "I do still care about you."

"Told Toyah you were here, did you?" Michelle interrupts and he coughs slightly in response.

"Yeah you'd better be careful saying those kind of things." I reply. "Wouldn't want more of your lager being used as shampoo."

"Ciprofloxacin?" Daniel observes the liquid leading to the drip in my hand and I frown, staring up at him as he rises.

"Come again?" I narrow my eyes.

"Ciprofloxacin; an antibiotic to treat kidney infection." He studies the liquid. "It's good stuff. With any luck, the infection should begin to subside soon."

"...Well, thanks for that... Doctor Osbourne." I mutter, glancing at Michelle who is leant back in her chair, clearly bored of the company.

"I brought you these by the way." He holds out a punnet of grapes and I take them hesitantly.

"She doesn't like grapes." Both Michelle and Peter say in chorus, looking at each other awkwardly.

"That's not the point." I try to shut them both up, noticing Daniel's slightly hurt expression.

"Not even the seedless ones." Peter dares to add and I glare at him. "You don't like the way the skin pops when you bite into them."

"Well my taste might have changed." I cut him off, annoyed at his continued knowledge of me. I roll my head across the pillow to look at Daniel. "I love grapes now."

"No you don't-"

"Michelle!" I cut her off, before she can add any further hostility to the situation. The room falls silent for a moment and I pause before sighing, opening the box of chocolates in front of me. I tear the lid off, holding the box out to Michelle first, who holds a hand up.

"No thanks."

"Michelle, you need to eat darlin'." I remind her. "Why don't you go and get something? I'll be alright here."

"I'm not leaving you with him." She flashes him a dipped look.

"Don't worry Michelle, I'm sure she can cope by herself." Peter replies sarcastically. "Who are you? Her carer?"

"Uh, excuse me!" I cut him off and the room falls silent again. I didn't know how being ill was enabling me to call all the shots, but having people fight over me wasn't so flattering when I was shattered and still battling sedation. I notice the slight smile on her face at my defensiveness. "Michelle, I won't tell you again, go and get something to eat. You can get me a coffee while you're at it."

"You can't have coffee." She taps the sign on the wall and I turn to look at it.

 _Carla Connor._

 _NBM (water allowed)._

"Oh not again." I groan, throwing the grapes across my bed, which makes Daniel wince slightly. Michelle stands up hesitantly, leaning down to kiss the top of my head which doesn't seem to draw attention to either Peter or Daniel.

"Do you want anything?"

"Yeah, a new kidney." I respond bluntly and she goes quiet for a moment.

"Well I did offer that." She mumbles and I close my eyes, picking up the novel Daniel had placed on my bed and flicking through it disinterestedly. "You said-"

"Michelle I said go!" I snap and she looks hurt for a moment, glancing at Peter, forcing tears back before heading towards the door. "Chelle-" I immediately feel guilty, throwing the covers back and trying to get up.

"Uh, I don't think that's a good idea." Daniel places two hands on my shoulders as I go dizzy again.

"Go and get her back." I order, reluctantly falling back into bed.

"Stay, go, stay, go-" Peter tilts his head to the side before my glare cuts him off. "...So what happens now?"

"They've been testing Aidan all day." I sigh, avoiding his gaze. "See if he's suitable to be a donor." My eyes dart back up to look at him, the silence lengthening.

"I don't mind being tested." Daniel raises his hand slightly.

"What good would that do?" Peter retorts. "Aidan's her brother, he's a match!"

"I could be a match!"

"You hardly even know her." He continues to jibe. "What, a few drinks together and now you're married?"

"Yeah well if we are I'm doing a better job of it than you ever did." Daniel mutters in response and I close my eyes, exhaling loudly which shuts them up.

"Listen, thanks for the offer." I turn my head to look at Daniel. "But like Peter said, Aidan's my closest chance of being a donor." I smile, touched at his thought, before noticing Peter's smug expression. "I didn't tell you because it was none of your damn business." I put Peter in his place.

"Well just because what happened in the past..." He trails off. "It doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"...Thanks." I cough awkwardly, having an idea of where this was going and not wanting to discuss my love life, and the extent of it, in a hospital bed.

"Knock knock." The door re-opens and Johnny enters, eyeing up the scene in front of him. "Oh... You're popular today."

"Yeah look I think I'll get going, let you have some time to..." His eyes shift to Peter, as he begins to stand up. "Let me know if you need anything."

"It's all gonna be fine, you know?" I try to phrase it gently, aware he clearly felt something for me, and knowing I needed to let him down before it went any further. "You don't need to do anything at all..."

"Ok um..." He fidgets, glancing at me awkwardly, his cheeks blushing slightly. "I'll come and see you again soon then."

"She's giving you a get out of jail card, you dodo." Peter smirks and I roll my eyes.

"Did anybody ask you?" Daniel raises his voice, a small smile on his face, before leaning forward to place a kiss on my forehead. "Bye."

"Bye." I mutter as he leaves, Peter's joyful expression showing out of the corner of my eye. "Shouldn't you be going and all?"

"Oh, right." His smile immediately disappears. "Yeah if you want me to go just... Just say."

"Go." I respond bluntly, hearing the faint clack of heels against the corridor floor outside.

"I'll be thinking about you." He says, at the precise point Michelle rounds the corner again, leaning up against the doorway. I glance at her awkwardly, as Peter tries to meet my gaze, flashing me a small smile. I try to keep the one off my face, as he stands up, placing a hand on Michelle's arm as he reaches the doorway. She is quick to shake him off, glaring at him, turning her gaze back to me as he leaves.

"I'll be thinking about you?" She repeats, a sarcastic element to her tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Did I miss something?" Johnny intervenes, and I stare bluntly at the end of the bed, holding the novel up weakly before letting it flop back down again. I close my eyes momentarily, completely fed up with being here already, before trying to muster up some words in response to Michelle.

"Johnny did I, or did I not, just tell him to go?" I try to defend myself tiredly.

"Yes." He responds, looking at Michelle's bitter expression.

"Well what does he mean 'I'll be thinking about you'?" She continues and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"It's usually what people say when somebody's at death's door." I prompt her, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry for shouting at you."

"It's fine." She shrugs off, still staring at the doorway as if Peter was about to reappear. "...Why did he come to visit you anyway?"

"Is somebody jealous?" Johnny dares to tease her before receiving a death glare in response. "Joke..."

"She's got nothing to be jealous of." I groan, trying to rearrange my pillows as she comes over to help me.

"I'm not jealous." She says quietly and I smile up at her, shaking my head slightly. "I'm not."

"Come here." I pull her head down to kiss me. "Sorry. I love you."

"I love you too." She pats my head and I fend her off, Johnny watching us warmly.

* * *

"I apologise if they're not correct." Roy lowers the magazines onto the table in front of me and I hum slightly in appreciation, flicking through Grazia.

"No they're perfect, thank you." I smile, as he sits down, watching me humbly. "Better than this." I hold up the novel Daniel had bought me.

"Ah, he did pass by the café earlier on, asking what genre of novels you read." He explains. "I did assure him that it wasn't really your preferred method of passing time."

"That's kids for you." I shrug. "Never listen to your advice."

"Well I'm beginning to discover that it's perhaps not just children to whom that statement applies to." He replies and it takes me a moment to realise he was referring to me. "You really should be resting."

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I indicate. "I'm not doing anything too strenuous. Listen, Johnny had a phone call earlier and he's moving in to his new house tomorrow. So I'll be out of your hair as soon as I get out of this dump."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" He asks me, concern in his expression. "It's not a problem."

"Roy, you've been too kind." I squeeze his hand gently. "Really, thank you so much for everything you've done for me. For keeping it a secret, I know that was hard. For putting up with my mood swings and my tears and my late get-ups. And for letting Chelle stay too... I know it wasn't the ideal set-up."

"It was no trouble." He assures me. "You know you are of great importance to me, anything I can do that credits that is an honour."

"You make me sound like the queen." I smile at him, tears forming in my eyes. "Thank you."

"I have no doubt Michelle will look after you well." He replies. "But if you do need anything else."

"I know." I nod, hearing footsteps from outside and turning my head towards the doorway.

"Hi." Johnny lingers, Jenny behind him and I sit up slightly, trying to wake myself up.

"You again?" I tease him, aware he was hanging around a lot because he didn't know what else he could do for me.

"It's not just us either." Jenny points down the hallway as Aidan enters slowly, raising a hand to wave at me. I continue to sit myself up, a steady pounding of panic setting in as our eyes connect. "He's been poked and prodded all day."

"...And?" I dare to ask, swallowing in fear.

"Passed all the tests with flying colours." He replies and my heart beats faster, a hand flying over my mouth as I try to process the words.

"So you can give a kidney?" Johnny clarifies, tears springing into both of our eyes, as Aidan stares at me intently, sitting down on the bed and taking my hand in his.

"Say when. I'll be there." He says firmly and I swallow back tears, putting a hand over his, trying to absorb the shock.

"Hey, hey, come on." Johnny sits down next to me, the opposite side to Roy as he leans forward. "This is good news."

"Thank you." I whisper through tears, feeling Roy's relief next to me.

"It's no worries." He tries not to cry, his voice wavering slightly. "You'd do the same for me."

"Kidney yeah, liver no." I try to joke, tilting my head to the side and he muffles a laugh.

"You know, you should be so proud of yourself." Jenny inputs, as Aidan looks back at me. "You're saving her life here." The words hit me hard and I have to squeeze my eyes shut, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I think it's time we talked about he future then." I manage to smile, glancing at Roy. "As I seem to have one."

"It's _time_ to rest." Johnny prompts me and I try to think of something more comforting to say to Aidan, something that justifies my appreciation more than just 'thank you'.

"I will look after that kidney, you know?" I try to keep my voice steady. "No late nights. No boozing sessions. No binges on pizzas." Johnny nods in agreement as I list things, with Roy looking slightly confused. "Yeah, who am I kidding? I am going to drive that kidney like a formula one race car." I finish and Johnny laughs, as I continue to fixate my gaze on Aidan, his eyes red from withholding tears as he leans forward to kiss my hand. I place a hand on his cheek, soaking up the affection he was giving me, the love, the care, the desperation to keep me alive. This was family. This was what I never thought I had. But I did. I did and I was so, endlessly grateful. "Thank you."

* * *

 **Michelle**

"How did you manage to store all those clothes away at Roy's?" Johnny observes the suitcases as he piles them into the bedroom. "Between the pair of you?"

"Yeah we're gonna need a bigger wardrobe." I place my hands on my hips, glancing through the doorway at where Carla was asleep on our sofa. Our sofa. Ours. Everything here was ours now.

"Well you've got two." He points to the smaller one that clearly belonged to him, and previously, Nick. He goes back into the living room, placing the keys from his pocket down on the counter. "Right well, I guess it's over to you now."

"Listen thanks for this." I pick one up, weaving it between my fingers. "Timed everything quite well really didn't you?"

"You'll look after her?" He checks and my face softens slightly.

"Until the day I die." I reply, meaningfully and he smiles at my response. "Seriously, she's the most special person, Johnny. I'll do everything. I'll clean, I'll cook, I'll run her baths and let her fall asleep on me. Of course I'll look after her. I promise."

"I know." He squeezes my hand gently. "But I know it's hitting you hard as well. Seeing how broken you were the other day before her operation, it's not easy. If you need to talk, you know where I am."

"Yeah sorry about that." I swallow, slightly embarrassed about my scene in the corridor. "I just... She means so much to me, I can't bear seeing her so weak sometimes. Knowing I can't help."

"Michelle, you are helping." He assures me. "More than you know. You're keeping her happy, when she could be at rock bottom."

"I'm trying." I manage a weak smile. "I'm sorry for the meltdown in the corridor though, it was selfish of me-"

"What meltdown in the corridor?" I jump slightly at the sound of Carla's voice, turning to notice her fatigued expression staring back at me.

"I didn't realise you were awake." I let go of Johnny's hand, as she pulls herself up, coming over to me. She wraps her arms around my neck, slightly shorter than me as a result of the socks on her feet, rather than the heels on mine.

"Ok, I'm going to go." Johnny decides, watching us awkwardly. Carla leans in to kiss me and he coughs, as she laughs against me for a moment, dipping her head into my chest to look at him. I fasten my arms around her, swaying her gently.

"Thank you for helping with all this." She waves her hand around and I kiss the top of her head.

"No problem." He places a hand on her arm. "Welcome home. Take care of yourself."

"Love you." She smiles as he leaves, blowing her a kiss. She turns her head back to me, looking at me expectantly. "Hm?"

"You're cute." I reply and she raises her eyebrows.

"Don't try to divert the subject." She squeezes my cheeks gently and I shrug her off, kissing her forehead affectionately. "Anyway I'm not cute."

"You are cute." I laugh slightly, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Michelle, what meltdown?" She persists and I sigh, tilting my head back to stare at the ceiling, before she carefully pulls it back to face her. "I'm talking to you, mrs."

"Ok." I roll my eyes as she jumps up on the kitchen counter, studying me as she picks up an apple out of the fruit bowl. "So, I got a bit upset in the corridor, it's hardly surprising, is it?"

"Why didn't you say?" She looks concerned, lowering the apple and chewing slowly.

"Because your feelings come first." I shrug. "And I didn't think it was important."

"I think you'll find that's not true." She nudges me with her foot and I move forward to place my hands on her shoulders. "I think you'll find it's very important how you feel, just as much as me." I go quiet for a moment, and she places a finger under my chin, raising it to meet her gaze. "And I know how difficult this is on you."

"Nowhere near as much as it is for you." I smile slightly and she shakes her head, focusing her eyes on mine.

"We're in this together." She reminds me and I nod slowly. "Yeah?"

"Yes." I tilt my forehead against hers. "Always."

"So, talk to me." She links our fingers.

"I'll talk to you about what you want for tea." I try to change the subject and she lets me, relenting and picking the apple back up, taking a bite out of it. "What do you want me to cook?"

"You were serious about cooking for me then?" Her eyes sparkle slightly as I move around the counter and I study her for a second.

"Oh, you heard that and all?"

"Mm." She just mumbles, looking touched as she throws the half-eaten apple in the bin, jumping back down to come over to me. "You're sweet. Taking care of me."

"I thought you didn't like being taken care of." I try to act casual.

"Well I like it when you do it." She kisses my cheek. "Feel honoured."

"Oh I do." I laugh softly, kissing her for a few seconds. "I do." I whisper against her lips and her eyes search mine, the weakness, vulnerability and dependence reflected in them. "Hey, look, we've got our own place."

"I know." She moves back, pacing the room, observing the flat quietly.

"Does it remind you of Nick?" I ask, despite not even wanting to know the response because I knew what it would be.

"A little." She shrugs, looking back at me. "But Nick isn't here anymore, you are."

"I'm glad you're aware of that." I humour her and she narrows her eyes, leaning forwards on the counter. "Does it feel different to when we used to live together?"

"Yeah, because now I can do this." She brushes her lips against mine, lightly kissing them with the kitchen counter separating us. She bites her lip, a glint in her eye as she studies me contently. "I'll never lie to you, I promise. You've always known everything first anyway."

"Where did that come from?" I frown and she shrugs, glancing at the sink.

"...I don't know, this place." She sighs, avoiding my gaze. "It was filled with lies. Everything I did here, everything I said was a lie. Unless it was to you."

"Yes well it's not anymore is it?" I remind her, tilting her head to face me. "Is it?"

"No." She assures me. "And it will stay that way."

"Good." I smile, before moving towards the cupboards. "So, shepherd's pie or lasagne?"

* * *

"Towel." I smile at her, folding one over the radiator on the wall, faffing with it slightly as she undresses. "Ok?" I check, going over and scooping her hair back so I can kiss I her neck. "I'll be outside if you need me at all."

"Don't go." She pulls my hand gently and I settle back into her, tipping my forehead against hers.

"Remember what they said about trying not to get that wet." I tap the bandage on her arm gently.

"Oh just shut up about all that for a moment." She smiles, kissing me gently. "Kiss me."

"I don't think this is a good idea." I try to be gentle as I phrase it, knowing where it was going. "Look where it lead to last time."

"You're not depriving me of that, I'd rather die sooner and enjoy it." She whispers and I sigh as she says it, my eyes flickering closed. "Sorry." She notices my expression. "I'm just... Asking you not to go."

"Then I'll stay." I agree, quietly, running my hand up her other arm, her silky skin smooth beneath my fingers. "I'll sit here and talk to you about something really boring. Like... Freshco's are doing two for one deals on tea towels, so I bought some when I did the food shop. They're in the kitchen..."

"That might be the dullest thing you've ever said to me." She pulls back, staring at me with confusion. "Are we turning into an old married couple already?"

"Ok well then I'll just sit here and-"

"I don't want you to sit here." She pulls on the knot of my dressing gown, allowing it to fall back off my shoulders, slipping down my arms and crumpling into a pile on the floor. I move into her, kissing her for a moment before swallowing.

"Not a good idea."

"Life's too short for good ideas." She replies, pulling my hand gently and leading me into the shower. The water hits us, trickling down her body, which makes me swallow as I lean back against the glass, biting my lip. She looks upwards, smiling slightly as she closes her eyes, indulging in the warm water that encases her. She pulls me in, my hair instantly dampening as she runs her hands over my body. Our kiss deepens, droplets forming against our skin, a soft hum emitting Carla's lips. She rests her head on my shoulder, allowing me to put my arms around her, enjoying the moment we were in. I sway her gently, the water comforting to us, my fingers moving to graze her wet hair back off her face, studying her warmly as she watches me again.

"Do you remember the night I first slept with Dean?"

"Oh great." She whispers, smiling calmly as she guides her finger along my jawline. "Is that what you're thinking about?"

"I came straight to yours after, it was freezing cold, George was passed out in the living room." I explain quietly, kissing her neck momentarily before continuing. "As soon as I saw you, I cried, because you were the only person I could let my walls down with." I swallow, tilting my forehead against hers. "I told you it hurt and that I hated it. Then you held me all night. You made me smile. You removed the fear and replaced it with comfort... You told me it gets better, that _love_ gets better. Well, it does. This. This is what you were talking about and we didn't even know it. This is the best it can get. Or at least, the best it's ever been for me."

"For both of us." She whispers against me and I smile, placing a soft kiss on her lips, my hand trailing down her thigh, settling near her entrance. I gaze at her look of lust for a moment, before gently moving my fingers against her, causing her to weaken slightly at the motion. I press her carefully against the glass, her head tipping back against it, damp hair falling around her shoulders, as the water trickles around her.

"Ok?" I check and she nods slightly, closing her eyes and exhaling. I move forward to kiss her neck, my lips affectionately sucking her sensitive spots as she grips my back slightly, her nails clawing ever so tenderly. I feel her fingers move against me, returning the gesture and I swallow the pleasure it was giving me, gazing at her for a moment, love and trust being conveyed as I slip my fingers inside of her.

A quiet murmur is released, as her eyes flutter closed again, resting her head on my shoulder as I quicken my movements, my breathing increasing in pace also, as she moves her fingers against me. I feel her move them deeper into me, the water around us muffling the noises of pleasure we weren't afraid to release.

I press my body against hers, lifting her leg so it was curled around my waist, supporting her against the glass as I enter her deeply. Her movements pause inside me for a moment as she tips her head back, moisture soaking her face as she breathlessly moans, climaxing against me. I have to hold her upright as she does so, exhaling as her legs weaken, her eyes opening to meet mine, mouth eased open.

"Hey." I laugh slightly, helping her regain strength to stand, as she moves into me, her movements intensifying as I throw my head back, gasping as I release against her. She slows her movements, allowing the water to run over her hand before wrapping her arms around me, her head on my shoulder, my hands rested on her back. We stand there, swaying, condensation and love circulating us, having no desire or need to move from where we were.

* * *

 **Carla**

"Hey I've got some news." Michelle appears from the bedroom, makeup freshly applied. "Guess who's coming back for the weekend?"

"Uh... How many guesses do I get?" I kneel up on the sofa, putting my plate down on the table.

"Ryan." She answers for me.

"Oh ok, I get no guesses." I stand up, heading over to the kitchen counter to pour her a coffee. "How come?"

"Just said he misses me." She shrugs, but I can see the excitement in her expression. She hadn't seen Ryan for a while, and I could only imagine it must be a difficult separation.

"Are you going to tell him about us?" I ask and she opens her mouth to reply, before the door opens, Johnny entering. "Uh... You are aware you don't live here anymore?"

"Yeah, I still have a key." He holds it up.

"Well you can't just let yourself in." I argue. "We could have been doing anything."

"Oh." The thought crosses his mind and I pull a face.

"What do you want?" I sigh, handing Michelle a mug which she accepts.

"I hear Ryan's coming back." He glances at Michelle and she frowns.

"How do you know?" She asks.

"Kate told me."

"Well how does Kate know?"

"They got on well as kids, didn't they?" He points out. "Anyway, I was thinking we should have a celebratory meal, we haven't had chance to have a catch up as a family."

"A celebratory meal?" I raise my eyebrows. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there is a lot to celebrate."

"Your life, and the fact Aidan is able to be a donor, to continue that." He inserts and I sigh, a wrench of guilt tugging inside me at the thought. "And Ryan coming home, I haven't seen him in years. He's a big party animal, isn't he?"

"Yeah and I'm not." I point out. "I hate parties, especially now."

"It's a few drinks and a meal." Johnny tries to persuade me and I roll my eyes at Michelle. "I'm paying so I'd better see you there."

"Right... Ok." I give in. "What time and where?"

"Seven tomorrow? The Bistro." He decides and Michelle groans slightly.

"Does it have to be there?" She leans forward on the kitchen counter.

"Well unless you want to have it at Roy's Rolls." He mutters.

"Yes." We both respond eagerly and he huffs before heading towards the door. "I've got to dash, Jenny's in the car, we're going furniture shopping."

"Oh how exciting." I narrow my eyes. "Retirement's all fun and games."

"You'd know, it's not like you're doing anything." Michelle nudges me playfully and I raise my eyebrows at her. "See you later Johnny."

"See you." I add as he waves us off and I let out a loud moan, falling forwards against the kitchen counter, feeling Michelle's hand on my back.

"It won't be that bad." She sits down on one of the stools, buttering a piece of toast and I rest my head in my hands, watching her.

"Have you told Ryan about my... You know?"

"Yeah." She replies, pausing to look at me. "He says he can't wait to see you and give you a big hug."

"Ahh." I smile weakly, staring down at the counter and fidgeting with the bracelet she had bought me weeks ago.

"And as for what you asked earlier, that's up to you."

"Michelle he's your son." I continue to mess with the jewellery, swallowing back the tears that were suddenly overcoming me. My voice cracks and she lowers the toast she is holding out of the corner of my eye, getting up and immediately coming over to wrap her arms around me. "Sorry." I let tears slide down my cheeks as she sways me gently.

"Hey, it's ok." She whispers, knowing all too well that this was becoming a regular occurrence. She put up with it, she didn't even mind it, because she loved me. "Shh." She soothes, slowing my crying slowly, and I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling so weak but knowing it didn't matter in front of her. "Ok?"

"Mm." I mumble, as she pulls back to look at me, studying my face and smiling as she wipes the tears from my cheeks. "One of those days..."

"Was it what I said about Ryan?" She cups my face in her hands, kissing my nose briefly which makes me smile.

"No, I'm just a... Mess." I shrug off, fiddling with the bandage on my arm, and she stops me from doing so by taking my fingers.

"Don't mess with that." She says gently and I sigh, looking back at her. "Duvet day."

"You've got to work." I remind her and she shrugs.

"You're more important." She decides, getting her phone out and typing out a message, which makes me smile slightly.

"Michelle, don't." I try to pull it from her grasp and she laughs, holding it up.

"Sent." She grins, putting it back down again. "So what do you want to do? Lounge around here and watch rubbish films or we could go out for the day, cheer you up. Not anywhere close mind, I've just told Robert I've got a sickness bug. He won't believe me for a second but I don't care, as long as-" She stops, staring at my look of pure love. "What?"

"I just keep falling more deeply in love with you everyday, even when I thought I couldn't anymore." I confess and she looks quite shocked at my honesty.

"Ah..." She smiles to herself, blushing as she does so, which is insanely attractive. She pulls me in, wrapping an arm around my neck, kissing me before emitting a small laugh against my lips. "You ok?" She raises a hand to my forehead, noticing the tired expression in my eyes. "Why don't you go back to bed?"

"I can't sleep." I sigh, rubbing my eyes to try and make the headache go away.

"So, duvet, sofa, TV?" She suggests, pointing them out and I close my eyes contently, sinking back into her chest as she holds me closely. "You taken your meds?" She asks and I shake my head, as she pulls back, going to get them from the side. She runs me a glass of water, putting them down in front of me and watching expectantly.

"They make me feel sick." I whine slightly and she taps them with her hand, not relenting as I reluctantly pull them out the packet, studying them in my palm.

"Baby you need to take them." She sighs, running her fingers through my hair.

"Chances are I'll be taking medication for the rest of my life." I eventually swallow them. "So get used to this every day."

"I know what I've signed up for and I know why I've done it." She prompts me and my face softens slightly. "You could just set an alarm in your phone though."

"That doesn't quite have the same effect as you." I reply, grabbing the hair brush from the side and dragging it through my hair.

"That's mine."

"So?"

" _So_ , yours is in there." She points to the bedroom, despite not looking bothered in the slightest _  
_

"Well I'm using yours." I argue with her playfully.

"Lazy cow."

"Oi!" I exclaim, kicking her gently, glad she could joke rather than tread on egg shells all the time like some people.

"Well in that case I'm borrowing your jacket." She picks it up off the chair. "To go to the shop."

"That's my favourite jacket." I point to the leather coat with fur that she was slipping over her shoulders. "Why are you going to the shop?"

"Because, sweetheart, we're out of bread and coffee." She kisses my forehead briefly. "Need anything?"

"What if Robert sees you?"

"Well then I'll try and look ill." She shrugs. "Choose a film, I'll be back in fifteen. Ok?"

"Ok." I smile slightly and she gazes at me for a moment, before turning to leave.

* * *

 **Michelle**

"Mum!" I hear a familiar voice, spinning around to see Ryan climbing out of a taxi. He grabs me, picking me up and spinning me around.

"Oh." I plaster him in kisses, as he tries to fend me off. "Look at your tan. I've missed you."

"Missed you too." He let's me hug him tightly, not letting go for about a minute. "Maria, hi." He goes over to where she was originally standing and chatting to me outside the salon. "Long time no see."

"Yeah you can say that again." She pulls him in for a hug. "You're looking well."

"Well that's what the sun, sea and sand of Ibiza does to you." He grins.

"Oh I'm so jealous." She rolls her eyes, letting him go as he picks his hold-all back up.

"So come on then, what have I missed?" He links my arm, as I wave Maria off, allowing him to guide me across the street.

"Oh are we going to the pub?" I assume, as he pats the wall. "What a shock."

"I've been gasping for a pint in here for months." He holds the door open for me. "On the other hand though, nobody can pull a pint like you. Shame you don't still work here."

"Yeah well, I wasn't going to stay was I?" I point out. "Under the circumstances."

"Yeah uh." He slides down into the booth opposite me. "How are you holding up with all that?"

"Oh, alright." I force a smile, as he squeezes my hand. Deciding not to mention the fact that it was the anniversary of scattering Ruairi's ashes tomorrow. "I mean it'll never get easier... But I can try and distract myself, hey?"

"I should have been here." He looks at me meaningfully. "For it all. I'm so selfish, I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be silly." I pat his hand gently, forcing back tears. "You're living the high life, that's all I wanted for you. To be happy."

"He's my little brother." He lowers his voice slightly and I meet his gaze, tears glistening in both our eyes.

"I can take you to the beach tomorrow if you like?" I suggest. "The one where I scattered his ashes."

"I'd like that." He nods, holding my gaze for a moment before I smile.

"Hey look at us." I pull a tissue out of my pocket, dabbing my eyes. "You've only been back five minutes and we're already crying. What are you drinking?"

"Oh well since you're offering." He grins, leaning back and I narrow my eyes, standing up and heading towards the bar.

* * *

"Where've you been?" I scold as soon as the door opens and Carla enters, looking surprised at my greeting.

"Hi darling!" Carla notices Ryan, her eyes lighting up as he wraps her in a hug, my annoyance instantly fading. "Ah... That's nice. How are you?"

"I think the question is; how are you?"

"Oh I'm... Average." She responds. "I've felt better but I've still bought you a present."

"You bought him a present?" I narrow my eyes, as she hands him a gift from one of the shopping bags she is holding. "You've been shopping? Honestly, you tell her to rest and-"

"Don't worry I've bought you something." She hands me a bag and I go to peer into it. "Oh uh..." She leans in, whispering in my ear. "Yeah, don't open that until later."

"Carla!" I hiss, glad Ryan was preoccupied looking at the speakers he had just received. She flashes me a subtle seductive smirk, before I roll my eyes, stashing the bag away down the back of the sofa and going over to Ryan. "What are these?"

"This is top of the range stuff." He admires, as I drape my arms around his shoulders.

"Well I know what's good and what's not." She shrugs and I raise my eyebrows at her. "Ok, the kid in the music shop with the baseball cap on did, but still."

"Thank you." He hugs her again and I perch on the back of the sofa. "You really didn't have to."

"Oh I know that." She squeezes his cheeks playfully. "But it's been years since I've been able to spoil you."

"Yeah apart from the cards I receive every year on my birthday." He reminds her, before turning to me. "Seventy pounds I got in my last one, take notes mum."

"Uh!" I exclaim and Carla chews her lip, as I soften again. "You are aware we need to be at the Bistro in... Ooh, five minutes time?"

"And when have I been on time for anything?" She points out, clearly in a good mood, heading into the bedroom before retracing her steps. She grabs the bag I had stuffed down the sofa, before proceeding, as I shake my head, a small smile on my face.

 **Carla**

"I said seven!" Johnny exclaims as the three of us enter the Bistro. He approaches Ryan, amicably shaking his hand.

"Oh give him a hug." I roll my eyes, as Kate gets up, waiting to greet him in turn. The door opens and I spin around to see Peter, who gazes at me momentarily.

"What does he want?" Michelle mutters under her breath.

"Maybe a drink, perhaps some food?" I suggest, nudging her.

"He owns a pub." She points out, watching as he leans in to talk to Robert, Toyah entering behind him. "Come to think of it... Who isn't here tonight?"

"Hm?" I frown, as she points out where Tracy was sat on her phone in a nearby booth, Steve chewing on a cocktail stick next to her. "Listen uh, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah sure." She allows me to gently pull her away from where everyone was fussing over Ryan. "You feeling alright?"

"Yeah fine I just..." I trail off, my eyes darting over to the scene. "I love you, really I do."

"...You're not breaking up with me?" She looks worried for a moment and I tilt my head to the side, nudging her knee with my foot.

"No, of course I'm not." I calm her. "I know I said it was up to you, but I'd rather wait... To tell people about us. Before you tell Ryan and things. Just because I know how mad these next few weeks are going to be, and it's going to put added stress on us to tell anybody else... It's not because-"

"Hey, I agree." She cuts me off, holding a finger up to my lips.

"Yeah?" I check and she nods.

"I don't mind this, you know?" She smiles, biting her lip gently. "If we tell anybody else now, it's just going to confuse everything a lot more. We need to focus on you, getting you better, the operation and dialysis and then, when we're in the clear, we'll talk about telling family."

"Are you sure?" I clarify and she nods confidently. "It shouldn't have to be this hard but... Well it's... Coming out really, isn't it?" I whisper, making sure nobody could hear me. "I want to do it in the best way possible, it's a big thing..."

"I know." She squeezes my hand gently. "We're in the same boat, remember?"

"Yeah and we'll be in the same bed later." My eyes sparkle excitedly. "With the present you haven't opened yet."

"Rest and recuperation."

"And fun." I add and she narrows her eyes, trying to hold back the smile. "Recuperation is one way of putting it."

"Shut up." She hisses, before leading us back over to the table.

"What were you two talking about?" Aidan observes, as the door opens and Roy enters.

"Oh uh, she left the top off the milk." I point to Michelle, making up a quick excuse before going over to hug Roy. "Hey, thank God you're here."

"Well I did debate with the prospect of coming, I didn't want to intrude on your family gathering." He tells me. "I was rather surprised when Johnny invited me."

"Well you are family." I assure him and he looks touched for a moment. "Come on."

"Hey, Peter keeps staring at you." Aidan nudges me over the table as I sit down between Roy and Michelle. I turn my head in that direction, catching a glimpse of his gaze as he chews on a straw, before looking back at Toyah.

"Oh he can get lost." Michelle mutters bitterly.

"You seem to care more than her." Aidan laughs. "What's it to you?"

"Well I just..." She trails off, awkwardly. "Don't like my best mate being messed around, she's worth a thousand of him. A million."

"Ok." I cut her off quietly. "Don't get too slushy, I might throw up in my menu."

"Mum, chuck us that bowl of olives." Ryan points to it and she hands it over, her eyes drifting to where Robert was eyeing us up. I stare at him uncomfortably, as he raises a glass of champagne, peering over it at me.

"Your champagne." Daniel puts it down on the table. "I'm guessing it's not for you though."

"Oh, Robert said you ordered it." He frowns, placing it down in front of me.

"Well I didn't." I assure him. "And he knows I can't drink, everybody knows that now. So if he thinks that's a funny joke..." I trail off, glancing at Michelle before looking back at Robert's expectant expression.

"Johnny did you order this?" Michelle groans, clearly not picking up on what I was.

"No love." He shakes his head. "But if it's free, we'll have it."

"Oh yes I insist." Robert approaches the table. "On the house." He shifts his gaze to me and my eyes widen slowly, as he turns to face the other customers. "In fact, why don't you all grab a glass? It's a celebration after all."

"Can you just get round to why you've summoned us here?" Peter voices from the bar and I feel Michelle freeze next to me.

"What?" Her voice cracks, as Tracy stands up, leaning against the wood of the booth.

"Um excuse me." Johnny pipes up. "We're trying to have a family meal here, and you're not family anymore, so."

"Dad-" I begin.

"Oh 'dad'." Robert scoffs, nodding impressively, as I notice Aidan's confused expression. "Yeah lovely family meal this, you're all family, aren't you?" He looks back at Michelle, waving his finger between us. "Michelle?"

"Get lost." She snaps under her breath.

"I just want to make a toast." Robert taps his glass loudly and the room falls silent, customers staring at him.

"...What are you doing?" I demand, standing up.

"Sit down." He orders, shoving me slightly as Michelle rises defensively, steadying me.

"Ah..." He watches us, as Daniel passes her a glass of champagne. "Is that everyone topped up? Except for Carla of course."

"Do you think that's funny?" Johnny asks, still not latching on and I slowly sit back down.

"No, I just wanted to toast the new name of my Bistro." He holds his glass up. "See a few weeks ago it was going to be called 'Robert and Michelle's Bistro'. But to be honest, the thought now makes me sick. So, welcome to 'Robert's Bistro'."

"How original." Aidan scoffs, as Robert turns to him, hesitating for a moment.

"Oh... Is that not exciting enough for you?" He raises his eyebrows. "Well then I'll tell you all something that's sure to kick your night off with a bang."

"Robert-" Michelle stands up abruptly and I lower my head into my hands.

"You see, these two." He steps back, pointing to us so everyone turns their gaze to stare at me, as I force my head upwards. "'Best mates', cousins, in fact."

"Robert stop." Michelle begs him.

"Have been at it for months." He announces, and there is a deafening silence for a moment. "Sneaking around behind my back. All of your backs, actually."

"Are you deluded?" Aidan suddenly bursts out laughing, as tears sting in my eyes. His gaze shifts to me, noticing my expression, before looking up at Michelle.

"Maybe." Robert shrugs. "But if I am, these two definitely are." He looks at Aidan. "That's why she broke up with me! Because she had been sleeping with her own cousin."

"Third cousin." Michelle corrects him, her eyes glued to the table in a state of shock.

"...Tell me this is a joke?" Aidan questions, glancing between us, as I force myself to look at Ryan's confused expression.

"Oh no, ask your dad if you don't believe me." He points to Johnny, as Aidan stares at him wide eyed. "Or Roy."

"Wait..." Tracy approaches us slowly, a large grin on her face. "...You're telling me you two are-"

"Yep." Robert answers for us and she bursts out laughing, making my cheeks flush.

"No way." She cackles, hitting Steve in the arm. "You turned her. They've actually got through all the men in Weatherfield, and now they've had to settle for each other."

"Oh rather than recycling, you mean?" Michelle points at Steve, who continues to stare at her in shock.

"Yeah because you never did that, did you?" She retorts, her head flicking around. "Hey Peter, join the club."

"I don't think it's any of his business, or anybody else's at all, what they get up to." Toyah inputs and I squeeze my eyes shut, as Aidan stands up, the table shaking suddenly.

"Why does it even matter?" Kate laughs slightly, as Aidan turns his gaze to her in surprise. "So they fell in love with each other, it's perfectly normal, welcome to the 21st Century, big whoop."

"I don't care about that." Aidan argues. "I mean yeah, it's a shock, and I don't for one second think you are-"

"Excuse me!" I snap at him.

"But the fact of the matter is that you can't be together." He summarises and I stare at him, shocked. "After everything we went through a few years ago, everything we found out."

"Yeah and remember how sick she felt when she realised Paul and Liam had been-"

"Don't you dare bring them into this." Michelle stands up, cutting Robert off defensively. "Don't you dare."

"Ok." I hold her back, as she turns to look at Ryan.

"Ryan..." She finally addresses. "Listen, darlin', I know this might seem weird but-"

"Weird?" He repeats, looking confused at the word and I sigh, tilting my head back to look at the ceiling. "I think it's wicked."

"I'm sorry?" I narrow my eyes, trying to understand if I heard it correctly.

"Well you're a lot less likely to screw each other over than some of these idiots." He points to Peter, Steve and lastly Robert. "Especially you, I don't like you at all. Good escape, mum."

"Since when were you-" Steve begins as Tracy slaps him on the arm.

"Are you bothered?"

"No, not at all, not in the slightest, no." He babbles in response, looking terrified of her. "Definitely not."

"Oh well I'm pleased I've got your blessing." Michelle glares at him.

"Hey, is this why you bought me those speakers?" Ryan continues, his eyes suddenly growing wide. "Oh... I know what was in that bag now."

"Ryan shut up!" Michelle hisses and I flash him a small smile, which he returns.

"I'm sorry I've got to go." Aidan heads towards the doorway, not looking back as it swings closed behind him.

"Right well, is that all you have to say?" Johnny stands, looking at him furiously. "Because whatever you set out to achieve, it didn't work."

"Oh yeah one more thing." Robert turns to Michelle. "You're fired, by the way."

"On what grounds?" Johnny demands. "Being a lesbian? Because I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"I'm not a lesbian." Michelle decides to add, despite the fact nobody was evening listening.

"For poor punctuality, oh wait 'sickness'. Gross misconduct. Stealing."

"Stealing?" Johnny repeats and Kate puts her head in her hands.

"Oh no, you are not throwing that back in my face." Michelle snaps. "I did that for you."

"Did it for me?" He raises his voice. "What like screwing a woman behind my back, was that for me and all?"

"You're so bitter." She laughs hatefully, crossing me to walk towards him. "It's actually pitiful."

"You know what." Robert stares at her intensely. "You've got yourself out of one death wish, and into another. You like the damaged ones, don't you Chelle-"

I flinch slightly as she slaps him clean across the face, watching as he grasps his cheek, staring down at the floor. Johnny claps slightly, who is joined by Kate and Ryan, as I get up, running out of the Bistro as the cold air hits me. I squint through tears, the golden lights and reflections in the puddles on the cobbles, dancing blearily before me.

"Carla?" I feel a pair of arms around me, pulling my jacket around my shaking frame. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." I swallow back tears, allowing her to sweep the hair back out of my eyes.

"I never realised he could be like that..."

"Yeah well, at least it's all out in the open now." I sigh. "Not quite how I pictured it happening but still."

"Hey, are you alright?" The door opens again, as Ryan appears with Kate.

"Where's Johnny?" I ask.

"Giving Robert a piece of his mind with Roy." Kate explains.

"Roy?" I manage a small laugh, as she pulls me into a hug.

"Oh Ryan." I sigh, moving back to look at him. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that sweetheart... How do you feel?"

"Well I never saw it coming." He assures me, glancing between us. "But my mum has shacked up with my auntie, not many people can say that."

"Never say that again." I nudge him. "Ever. Else no more birthday cards."

"Ok, hush my mouth." He mimics, pausing to watch us. "Honestly though... You two are serious?"

"Yeah." Michelle nods meaningfully and he sighs, before shrugging his shoulders.

"Well if you make each other happy, that's all that matters to me."

* * *

 _ **Thanks for all your support so far, I hope that ending was ok! More drama to come :)**_


	11. Envy

**Chapter 11:**

 _ **A/N: Trigger warning for sexual content in this chapter.**_

 **Michelle**

"So you still want to go to the beach today?" I check, as Ryan bites into a piece of toast.

"Yeah, but haven't you got to work?"

"Fired, remember." I point to myself and he sighs, watching me.

"I'm close to going over there and giving him a piece of my mind-"

"Yeah well don't." I cut him off. "He's not worth it."

"Exposing you like that." He shakes his head. "How are you going to manage now, if neither of you have got jobs?"

"Oh we'll be fine." I assure him, pointing towards the bedroom. "She's got loads stashed away."

"How are you feeling about today?"

"...I don't know." I lower the toast I am holding, swirling the crumbs around my plate with my finger. I am about to open my mouth to say something else, before the bedroom door opens and Carla appears in her dressing gown.

"Oh here she is." Ryan grins, glancing at me. "The love of your life."

"Shut up, you." She ruffles Ryan's hair, nudging him playfully. I pick at the crust of my toast, trying to divert my thoughts, as I feel Carla poke my arm gently. "Hey, you upset about yesterday?"

"Yesterday?" I frown, almost forgetting for a moment. "Oh uh, not really... Have you spoken to Aidan?"

"No." She bites her lip. "He can't be that mad though... Surely?" I just shrug in response, giving up with my toast as I throw it back down on my plate. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Fine." I just reply, hating the fact I was in this mood, but I couldn't help myself. I continue to push her away, getting up and going back into the bedroom, closing the door firmly behind me. I stare out of the window, the icy air of the February morning almost descending around me. My eyes fall to where Jude and Angie are strolling up the road with a pushchair, laughing to one another, fixing George's hat as it slips over his eyes.

The door opens and I jump suddenly, tears apparent in my eyes as I meet Carla's shocked gaze.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She comes over to me as I burst into tears. "Oh darlin'." She wraps her arms around me, swaying me gently as I cry into her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"How could you have?" I mumble weakly, as she brushes the damp hair out of my face. "I just want him back. I want him back."

"I know." She whispers soothingly, as my throat begins to ache from the intensity of my crying. She sits down, allowing me to rest my head in her chest, her fingers stroking my hair as she continues to rock me, quiet noises emitting her lips to calm me.

"Sorry." I eventually swallow, steadying my crying as I focus on the feel of her fingers in my hair. The soft tickle of how they move against my scalp.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for." She sits me up, studying me for a moment. "You should have said, sweetheart. There's me banging on about Aidan."

"It's not a big deal." I try to shrug it off, avoiding her gaze and she tilts my chin to face her.

"It's important to you, which means it is to me too." She is gentle as she says it and it makes me well up again.

"I uh..." I stammer, trying to pull myself together. "I was thinking of going to the beach today, taking Ryan. You can come if you want? I mean, I'd like you to. If you want to."

"Of course." She smiles and it makes me do the same, as she grazes a finger along my cheeks, erasing my tears. She tilts her head against mine, studying me so lovingly. "Whatever you need, I'll be there. Ok?"

* * *

"Bet you're sick of the sight of these, after Devon." I point out, Carla's hand entwined with mine as we walk along the progressively more sandy road towards the beach.

"Oh yeah, how was Devon?" Ryan pipes up, collecting stones in his hand for no apparent reason.

"Different." Carla replies, squeezing my hand gently. It didn't even feel weird, we could rarely do this in public, but having Ryan here somehow made everything seem more normal. Perhaps because he had taken the news so surprisingly well. "You ok?" Her voice is soft as a lock of hair is brushed behind my ear, the gentle breeze from the sea blowing in it.

"Mm." I just nod, looking at her and noticing how caring her expression was. I get a small flutter of butterflies. I'd have never seen this happening this time last year, that was for sure. I stop as soon as I reach the beach, staring out at it, soaking up the salty scent that fills my sinuses. The quiet whoosh of the waves when I close my eyes. I felt like he was here. He _was_ here. I was with him again.

I feel Carla let go of my hand, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and pulling me into her slightly. She let's me cry, stand there, letting myself absorb the surroundings a year on, planting kisses into my hair as I do so.

I open my eyes to see Ryan kneeling by the sea a few meters ahead of us. He was letting the damp sand fall through his fingers, watching as the waves pulled it back in with them, evening it out.

"He'd have been such an amazing big brother." I whisper, so only Carla could hear me, and she rubs her hand up and down my arm. "Although he'd have gotten him into awful music. Bought him terrible clothes, all that fluorescent, hooded rubbish kids are wearing nowadays."

"You make it sound like we're ancient." She finally lets out a small laugh and I look at her, closing my eyes as she kisses my forehead.

"I love you." I murmur, resting my head on her shoulder.

"Chelle?" He tone changes slightly and I lift my head in the same direction she was staring, seeing Steve ambling towards us along the beach.

"Oh... Hi." I force a smile, noticing his slightly mournful expression. Carla doesn't remove her arm from around me, which I'm grateful for as I was craving the comfort right now. "I didn't realise you were coming... Not that it's surprising."

"Yeah." He just nods, his gaze shifting. "Hi Carla."

"Hello." She mumbles awkwardly, coughing slightly as she removes her arm from around me and I reach for her hand. "Uh... Do you want me to leave you both to it?"

"No." I reply abruptly and she stays where she is, as my eyes fall to the floor.

"Ok." She replies, as Ryan begins trudging back towards us, his eyes red and swollen, which he is trying to hide.

"You been crying?" I stupidly ask and he studies me for a minute, his cheeks flushed from the sea air.

"No... Sand got into them." He blatantly lies and I hold my other hand out, which he takes. He shuffles his feet for a moment, briefly acknowledging Steve, before pulling me into a hug suddenly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"Hey, don't be daft." I try to force back the tears that are stinging my eyes.

"I wish I'd have seen him, known him." He cries into my shoulder, like he did when he was five years old, only back then it was over some kid at school stealing the chocolate out of his lunchbox, or Paul shouting at him too harshly when he climbed on the furniture. The tears were tainted with a lot more pain now, both of ours were.

"You do know him." I pull back, raising a hand to his chest and he wipes the tears from my cheeks. "He's your little brother. He always will be."

"I really love him, you know?" He rubs his sleeve across his face, and in the moment I see the vulnerable little boy who I'd read a bedtime story to every night because he was afraid of the dark.

"I know sweetheart." I try to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks as I pull him in again. "I love you both so much. My boys. So much." I don't know how long we stay there for, with Carla and Steve making polite conversation in the background. I eventually let go, trying to compose myself as I grab a stick from the ground, drawing out a heart in the sand. Steve takes the liberty of putting an arm around me, kissing the side of my head. I glance at Carla, to see she is just watching on supportively, flashing me a comforting smile.

I eventually kneel down, pressing a hand flat on the sand, closing my eyes as I absorb the cold sand beneath my fingers. "I love you. Always. Sleep tight."

"Come here." There are tears in Carla's eyes as I stand again, walking into her as she holds me close, keeping me warm, protecting me. "I'm so proud of you, ok?"

"Thank you." I look back at her, my misty eyes locking with hers. The icy air battling with our hair, her soft expression warming me. Her eyes shift momentarily to Steve, before I lean in to kiss her. Her lips meet mine, gently kissing me, her nose cold as it brushes my own, making me laugh softly. I connect our eyes again, placing a hand on the back of her head and letting the hair slip through my fingers.

Eventually I move back, turning to see where Steve was staring at us, immediately shifting his gaze to where his feet were kicking the sand. I chew my lip slightly, as he coughs, making an effort now to look anywhere on the beach except us.

"It could be worse, I could have got with Liz." I point out and his eyes widen slightly at the thought, causing me to smile.

"Well... At least I can blame Robert and not myself for... You know." He waves his finger between us. "...Pub?"

 **Carla**

I push the door open to the Rovers, Peter's eyes immediately locking on me and Michelle, along with glances from Gail, Sarah and David who were sat at a table in the corner. Norris stares at us inquisitively from the bar, as Rita taps his arm scoldingly. Tracy peers at us over a wine glass, before clapping eyes on Steve.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been ringing your phone!" Tracy snaps, practically barging us out of the way to search his jacket. "Eight missed calls. Why haven't you answered?"

"I'll get the drinks in." I wave my arm at a free booth and Michelle sits down, Ryan sliding in opposite her. "Hi uh, a glass of red, two pints and an orange juice, ta." I mutter to Peter, who is staring at Michelle with a confused expression. "Peter?" I prompt him, and he shifts his gaze to me. "Why are you staring at my girlfriend?"

"Girl..." He almost splutters, trailing off abruptly. "I wasn't..."

"Well you were in the Bistro, weren't you?" I remind him. "Got to experience the big impromptu announcement first hand."

"...Yes." He just swallows, eyeing me up.

"...So is there a problem?" I continue, as he looks back at Michelle, as if weighing up the situation in his head.

"No." He just mumbles in response.

"Oh good." I flash him a sarcastic smile. "Can I have my drinks then?"

"So uh... How long have you two been..." He tries to make conversation, clearly digging for more information as he pulls the pints.

"Oh it started on our wedding night." I dare to joke and he stops, almost dropping the glass in his hand as I narrow my eyes at him. "No, that's not really my style. A few weeks, if you must know."

"And since when were you..." He continues, getting an orange juice from the fridge along with a bottle of red wine. "You know..."

"Oh don't worry it wasn't entirely you who put me off men." I take the drinks from him, placing them down on the table behind me before turning back to him to collect the rest. "Big part of it though." I add, handing him a twenty pound note. "Keep the change."

"What did he want?" Michelle mutters, her eyes flickering up to him as I sit down next to her.

"Oh nothing I wasn't expecting." I roll my eyes, leaning my head back as I put my arm around her, causing Norris' eyes to widen slightly.

"What are you looking at?" Michelle snaps, more harshly than intended.

"Shh." I quieten her, my thumb grazing her shoulder as Norris attempts to look away, continuing to subtly look at us out of the corner of his eye.

"May as well put an ad out in the gazette." She mutters, as Ryan takes a long gulp of his pint. "Oh no."

"What?" I look up at where Gail is approaching us.

"Does Nick know about this?" She waves her finger between us and I raise my eyebrows.

"I don't know, does he?" I ask, unsure how I'd even have the ability to contact him. "I doubt he'd even care, Gail."

"Did this happen while you were with him?" She questions, folding her arms defensively.

"No." I assure her.

"Oh mum, come away." David calls, without making an attempt to get up. I sigh, picking my drink up.

"Were you into other women whilst you were with him?" She continues and I almost spit my drink back out.

"No Gail, I wasn't slipping off to gay bars between wedding planning sessions, trust me."

"Well I believe that's exactly what he did; trust you." She replies. "And you broke that."

"I'm aware." I raise my voice slightly and the pub falls silent for a moment.

"With all due respect Gail." Michelle begins. "This hasn't really got-"

"Respect?" She raises her eyebrows. "Why not have some respect for yourself? You know what she's-"

"Excuse me." She stands up abruptly, the emotions of today clearly having an impact.

"Michelle sit down." I order, as she stares at Gail, anger clouding her expression.

"What goes on between me and Carla, has nothing to do with you." She points a finger at her. "So just leave us alone."

"...You're welcome to each other." Gail just mutters, giving me a death glare as she goes back over to the table.

"Sit down." I pull on her top and she looks back at me, a slightly embarrassed look on her face.

"Well she can't just go around bad mouthing you." She reluctantly falls back into her seat and I gaze at her. "I'm not having it."

"My heroine." I poke her in the arm, smiling slightly and she sighs, her eyes drifting to behind me and I flick my head around to see Norris still watching us intently. "Do you want a picture?"

"Peter's still staring at you." Michelle prompts me as I turn back to face her.

"So let them stare." I smile slightly, pecking her on the lips and she blushes.

"Oh get a room." Ryan rolls his eyes playfully, leaning back and observing us over his pint. "Your son is still here you know?"

"Yes how could I forget?" Michelle replies, a hint of a smile on her cheeks as I put my arm back around her.

"Uh... Is this for me?" Steve points to the pint on the table and I nod as he picks it up, slipping in next to Ryan.

"Aren't you going to... Go and join Tracy?" Michelle points at where she is trying to catch Peter's attention.

"I think I'm safer here." He decides, clinking his glass against Ryan's.

"Great." Michelle mutters as the door opens and Aidan and Kate enter. I immediately get up, going over to him as he turns to leave again.

"Aidan, please." I try to stop him and he sighs, leaning back against the door. I switch my gaze to Kate, who smiles at me comfortingly. "Can we talk? I think we need to... Given, everything."

"Oh yeah why don't we all just have a family get together, we can all talk about it then." He replies. "Invite your girlfriend since she's family now, oh wait, she already was."

"I know it's a shock-"

"A shock?" He raises his eyebrows. "She's your flamin' cousin."

"Third cousin." I correct him, under my breath.

"Oh what's the difference?" He scoffs.

"The difference is that it's perfectly normal." I reply. "Google it."

"What, like you have?"

"I was married to her brother for seven years." I remind him. "I had an affair with the other one-"

"So you thought you may as well finish them off? Third time lucky."

"No, Aidan!" I snap, louder than intended, as Michelle gets up to stand next to me.

"Oh hello." He greets her with a hint of sarcasm. "Cosy lunchtime date is it?"

"Not today, Aidan." I try to stop him.

"You know I'm so glad I was kept in the loop. With offering to be a donor and all." He tells me. "Yet all of you knew this was going on behind my back. You." He points at Kate. "Dad, Roy, Robert."

"Aidan, we were going to tell you-"

"When?" He looks at me expectantly. "After I'd donated my organs? When everything was in the clear?"

"It's not like that at all!" I shout and he looks across at Michelle for a moment. "There's just been so much going on, we didn't want to have to drop another bombshell on you."

"But it was ok to tell my dad and sister?"

"We didn't tell them." Michelle defends me. "They both caught us out."

"Aidan what difference does it make?" Kate hesitantly places a hand on her arm. "Would you be like this if she... I don't know, got back with Peter?" She points to him and his attention is dragged further into our conversation.

"Well yes, I would, because she's my sister and he's a lying, cheating, alcoholic who doesn't deserve her."

"Ok, steady on." Tracy chips in.

"Which are all things that Michelle is not." Kate points out. "You've seen how much she's taken care of her these past few weeks."

"No, I haven't, actually." He continues. "Because nobody told me."

"Oh." I groan, putting my head in my hands momentarily. "Aidan I love her, I love her ok?" I beg him and his gaze shifts between us. "She makes me happy. She always has. You know that."

"Not in the way I thought I did." He responds.

"Please just... Let us talk about everything properly." I step towards him. "Please?"

"I need some air." He turns to leave.

"Aidan!" I call after him as the door swings shut and I fall back against the wall, watching the sea of faces staring back at me. I hadn't come back from Devon to be the centre of attention again, but I guess that's how it was turning out. I guess I always would be. Whether I tried to avoid the drama or not.

* * *

"Morning." I lean up against the wall as I leave the bedroom, seeing Michelle in her dressing gown by the stove, a heavenly scent in the air. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day." She smiles, flicking her head around so her hair falls down her back.

"What are you cooking?" I bite my lip slightly, going over and wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Breakfast." She looks back at the pancake in frying pan, before adding it to the stack on a plate. "Sit down."

"Chelle..." I soften and she looks worried for a moment. "That's so sweet."

"So are you." She kisses me and I tap her arm lightly before sitting down in front of the bowls of fresh fruit and other toppings she had laid out.

"You do realise it's not pancake day?"

"Well it was yesterday." She shrugs. "And you used to make me cook you these all the time when we were teenagers."

"I was going to say it's like we're kids again." I laugh, as she sits down opposite me, I watch her spoon fruit out onto her plate, taking in everything that was so perfect about her. "Did Ryan get off alright last night?"

"Yeah fine."

"You sad he's gone?" I ask and she just shrugs.

"Eh, I'm alright." She tilts her head to the side. "I mean I never like it when he goes but at least now I can focus back on you again." She looks back up at me. "I'm sorry for being a bit distant and upset the past few days."

"Hey, don't apologise." I assure her. "It's completely understandable."

"Well you've been amazing so... This is the least I can do."

"Well I'm very grateful." I smile and she gazes at me for a moment, before I get up, grabbing the present from by the television. "There you go."

"Ah, I didn't think you'd get me anything." She looks excited as she peels the wrapping paper back.

"Why?"

"Well it's commercialised rubbish isn't it?" She reminds me. "You're not into it."

"I am when I love someone." I frown and she flashes me a smile, pulling back the wrapping paper.

"Oh wow." She opens the box up, admiring the necklace I had bought her. "Babe that's gorgeous."

"Yeah?" I check, as she weaves it through her fingers. "Two minutes I was in the jewellery shop, I think I've spent too much time with you."

"Well you know me very well." She lowers the box, biting her lip as she watches my expression. "Thank you so much." She gets up, coming over and pulling on the collar of my dressing gown as she kisses me. "It's beautiful."

"Like you then."

"Cheesy."

"I know." I kiss her again, pulling her into my lap. "You love it."

"What do you want to do today?" She begins playing with my fingers, shifting her head so it was rested on my shoulder, looking at me.

"You." I avoid her gaze, smiling slightly and she nudges me, emitting a quiet laugh at my comment.

"Well alongside that." She curls my hair around her finger.

"Oh there's more than one choice?" I kiss her cheek. "Well we can go anywhere, since neither of us have to work."

"I need to start looking for jobs." Her face suddenly falls.

"It's not important babe." She assures me and I raise my eyebrows. "Honestly, the factory will be up and running again in a few weeks. Aidan's going to need a helping hand now Johnny's retired. Somebody's got to take care of my share in the business."

"Oh yeah I'm sure Aidan would be thrilled about that." She mutters, messing with my necklace. "Working with me."

"He'll have come round by then." I hope and she sighs, looking back at me. "Don't worry, alright?"

"How well are you feeling?" She narrows her eyes, weighing up the day ahead.

"Really good actually."

"So... Shopping? A meal? The cinema? A walk?" She lists. "You choose." She gets up, kissing me briefly. "While I get your present."

"I thought breakfast was my present?" I call after her and she turns around, her eyebrows raised.

"I'd like to think I can do better than that, sweetheart." She smiles, before flouncing off into the bedroom and I watch contently as she leaves, returning with a large black paper bag, engraved with silver writing.

"Ooh, what's this?" I take it from her, opening it up and pulling out two gifts. I unwrap a bottle of non-alcoholic red wine and look up at her, eyebrows raised.

"It's not as good as the real stuff but the thought was there." She shrugs and I laugh, putting it down on the counter.

"Thank you." I run a hand through her hair, before proceeding to open the other gift. I pull out a deep red top with embroidery on the hem, admiring it as I hold it against myself. "Chelle, that's gorgeous."

"You like it?" Her eyes light up and I look back at her, her excitement giving me a rush of butterflies.

"Come here." I kiss her, standing up and placing the top down on the counter before pushing her gently back against the fridge. "Of course I like it. Thank you."

"That's ok." She shrugs, her eyes flickering up to meet mine. We watch each other for a moment before I lean in again, kissing her passionately, my hands weaving themselves through her hair. I move down to her neck, a small gasp escaping her lips as I kiss along her collarbone. "You're going to turn me on."

"Good." I mumble against her skin and she laughs softly as I move my head back to face her. I tug gently on her dressing gown, pulling her towards the bedroom and closing the door behind me. We fall back onto the bed, as I pull back her dressing gown, kissing down her chest, sucking gently on her nipple which causes her hand to tighten in my hair. I drag my fingers up and down her thigh, feeling them twitch slightly at the sensation. I run my hand over her, before reaching into the box by the bed and pulling out the toy that I move towards her entrance, meeting her eyes momentarily as I sink it into her. She exhales, her eyes fluttering closed as her head falls back onto the pillows. I watch as she swallows, keeping my movements soft and gentle, feeling her heartbeat beneath where my other hand was rested.

Her hand moves down to rub herself as I work against her, quickening my movements slightly as her breathing rate increases.

"Carla?"

"What?" I bite my lip, relishing the chemistry between us, as I place kisses against her skin.

"You're beautiful." She murmurs and I swallow, resting my forehead against hers, keeping my movements steady as she closes her eyes, kissing me gently.

"And you're perfect." I whisper, as her eyes open again, the desire being conveyed in them as she gathers the sheets in her spare hand, clutching them as I gradually quicken my movements. I trail kisses along her collarbone, her hand moving to my hair, weaving it between her fingers as my lips move over her skin. She lets out a quiet murmur, her mouth falling open as I continue to pleasure her. She moves her hand from below her, placing it against my breast and squeezing it gently.

"Mm." She swallows, her legs widening as I enter her further, speeding up as her mumbles increase in volume, eventually allowing her to gasp as she climaxes. She arches her back, her head falling against her shoulder, breath hot against my skin as I slow myself, her eyes opening as she lies back on the pillows.

I feel a rush of warmth, as my head fizzes slightly, colours blotting before my eyes. I close them as she rolls me over, pinning me against the bed and biting her lip in the blurred images in front of me. I gasp for air as she moves her hand down my body, kissing my neck as a pang of fear surges through me.

"Chelle, stop, stop." I panic and she immediately retracts her head as I search for breath, panting. "Please, stop."

"Hey, ok." She instantly stops herself, moving her hand back up to my hair and moving off me. "Are you alright?"

"I can't..." I try to catch my breath, squeezing my eyes shut, clasping her hand in mine and holding it tightly. I gradually steady my breathing, trying to relax myself, feeling the comfort of her fingers in my hair.

"It's okay, I'm here." She whispers, her finger gently grazing my cheek and I open my eyes again, the images becoming one as relief seeps in. "It's okay."

"Sorry." I swallow and she shakes her head, worry clouding her expression.

"Don't apologise." She says gently, sitting me up against the pillows as I pull the sheets around me. "Can I get you anything?"

"Thank you for stopping." I stupidly say and she studies me for a minute.

"Why wouldn't I?" She reminds me and I nod confidently.

"I know, I know." I assure her. "Thank you... I don't know what happened, I thought I was going to black out again... I couldn't breathe."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so-"

"No, don't." I raise a finger to her lips and she smiles slightly. "Please don't apologise, you're perfect, it was perfect, I think I'm just exhausted."

"Okay." She looks slightly reassured, moving her hand up and down my arm. "Can I do anything?"

"...Hold me." I respond, weakly, and she doesn't waste a second before wrapping her arms around me, letting me sink my head into her chest, murmuring comforting words in my ear as I slowly drift off to sleep in a state of contentment.

* * *

"I wouldn't be seen dead in that skirt." Michelle points to the the television, stroking her fingers through my hair as I rest my head in her lap. "It's something Sinead Tinker would wear."

"Ew it is as well." I screw my nose up, my eyes fluttering closed. "Awful dress sense, that girl."

"The model's pretty though." She tilts her head to the side and I tap her knee gently. "What? Not like that."

"Yeah." I smile slightly, sitting up and brushing the hair out of my face. "You know if I wasn't... Dying and had hospital appointments every week, I'd be taking you away somewhere now." I tell her, walking my fingers towards hers. "Paris, Rome, Milan..."

"We'll go when you're better." She smiles, wrapping a lock of my hair around her finger. "To all of them."

"All of them?" I hum, smiling at her contently. "Buy a caravan, travel the world."

"Actually sounds like a good idea." She shrugs and I laugh.

"Imagine us, camping it out in a field with a bunch of teenagers on their gap year." I nudge her and she pulls a face at the thought. "No it's luxury or nothing, I'll buy you posh five star hotels, fancy meals, the lot."

"Sounds like heaven." She just smiles, sighing as she looks down at my fingers. "And it won't be long now we know Aidan's a match."

"Yeah if he goes through with it." I swallow and she looks up at me, confused. "Well he's not over the moon about this, is he? What if he backs out?"

"He's not going to back out." She assures me.

"I wouldn't blame him for doing so, you know?" I dare to reply. "And I don't mean because of us, I mean... It's a massive thing, the doctor's will tell him that, they'll fill his head with risks and worst case scenarios. They'll tell him if he's got a doubt in his mind, not to do it. I don't blame him, if he doesn't."

"He will." She avoids my gaze, before raising a hand to my cheek. "I promise you, ok? Try not to worry about anything."

"But I do worry." My voice weakens slightly and she moves closer to me. "Of course I'm worried."

"I know, I know." She whispers. "Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say... I just... I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"How can you be so sure of that?" My face softens at her words and she studies me for a moment.

"Because I love you." She promises and I sigh, believing her despite all the reasons not to. "Right I'll go and pick up that food."

"Well we can get delivery?" I suggest, confused at her sudden change of heart as she gets up.

"It's alright, I don't mind."

"Well I do." I pout slightly. "I want you here."

"I'll be twenty minutes." She smiles, leaning over the back of the sofa, her soft curls falling around her shoulders as she watches me. "I'm sure you'll manage."

"Well at least you don't treat me like a kid who can't be left on their own."

"I think I know you well enough by now." She kisses me on the forehead. "Love you. Won't be long."

 **Michelle**

I bang my fist on the door repetitively until it finally opens, Aidan's annoyed expression coming into view.

"Michelle, are you trying to knock my door down?"

"Yeah, if you didn't answer." I enter of my own accord and he groans, closing the door behind him as I lean up against the kitchen counter, studying the flat. "You haven't got around to decorating yet?"

"Why are you here?" He ignores my question and I turn to face him. "I thought you'd be enjoying Valentine's Day."

"Oh I am." I assure him, raising my eyebrows slightly, studying the dressing gown he is wearing. "Oh... Is there someone here?" I peer around the flat.

"No." He rolls his eyes. "If you must know I've just got back from a date with Sarah."

"Sarah?" I repeat. "Trying that one again, are you?"

"Nothing's going to happen." He sighs, sitting down on the sofa. "So?"

"So, we need to talk."

"I think it's me and Carla who need to talk."

"Yeah and the other day, when she tried, you wouldn't give her the time of day." I remind him, sitting down in the armchair. "...So, fire anything you want to know at me and I'll answer on behalf of both of us."

"Does she know you're here?"

"No, I've gone out to get food." I tell him and he leans back, laughing slightly.

"How long?"

"A few weeks."

"How long, really?"

"A few weeks, Aidan." I confirm and he nods slowly.

"Were you having an affair?"

"No." I reply. "We slept together the night she told me how she felt, that's it."

"What do you mean 'slept together'?"

"...We slept in the same bed, Aidan." I respond bluntly. "That's it."

"And after she told you how she felt, you just happened to feel the same?" He questions and I nod. "And neither of you thought to mention it at some point in the past forty years?"

"Well... There was always something there." I try to explain. "I think it's just when it's put into words, reality sinks in."

"You mean you were flattered?"

"No, I mean I'm in love with her." I conclude and he goes quiet for a moment. "And do you know what? I think I have been for a very long time. But sometimes you don't realise these things until you're faced with them."

"And you reckon you'll last?"

"Yes." I reply without thinking. "...You know, I've had so many opportunities to lose her. So many times we could have easily walked away. So many struggles. We pulled each other off that council estate. We're still here today. So yeah, I do." He goes quiet for a moment, eyeing me up as if I was joking about the whole thing. "I know it's a lot to take in... I know you weren't expecting it and it might seem strange considering you've known us both for so long. And yeah, I don't know what I am, even I thought I was straight. But I've realised that falling for someone doesn't necessarily have to define you as a person. I'm in love with a woman, ok? I'm... Bisexual... If you want to put a label on it. I suppose... Yeah."

"...That's the first time you've said that, isn't it?" His face is suddenly full of meaning and care, and I try to force the tears back that spring to my eyes as I nod. He stands up, pulling me into him and swaying me gently, kissing the top of my head. "I wasn't trying to out you-"

"I know you weren't." I mumble into his chest. "But I needed to admit it to myself... This is so weird. Not even a bad weird just... Crazy weird. Everything's such a blur; how it's come about, Carla's illness, everybody finding out, moving in together. I am trying to process it all. I am."

"I know." He whispers, releasing me slightly and studying my expression. He wipes a tear from my cheek, sighing, a soft smile appearing on his lips. "...I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I've been in shock and also, I suppose, denial. I didn't realise how serious you were about each other. I didn't think this was the time for joking around, and I guess I lashed out because I felt left out of the loop. It was selfish of me. Carla's happiness means everything, _your_ happiness means everything. It always has, since you both used to pick on me when I was ten years old for collecting the stickers off my sandwich bags. I thought, at least they're laughing, despite everything they're going through, the struggles they're facing, the dark future ahead, particularly for Carla. I thought at least they seem happy, especially when they're together." He swallows. "And right now she needs to be happy and... Even though it might take me a bit of time to get my head around things, you're making her that way. So, that's all that matters."

"You know it is okay?" I emphasise, tapping his phone on the work surface and smiling slightly. "It's actually optimal for reproduction, getting with your third cousin."

"Optimal for reproduction?" He laughs, watching me for a moment. "Well make sure you use protection then."

"Shut up." I slap him on the arm lightly. "So... We're alright?"

"We're alright." He confirms. "I'll pop over and visit Carla tomorrow."

"...You are still going ahead with the donation aren't you?" I dare to ask and he nods slowly. "Only... It might just be me being paranoid but... I've noticed you looking worried about it."

"Well I am worried."

"Yeah I know." I squeeze my eyes shut. "I know of course you are, I just-"

"You just love her so much, you want everything to go smoothly and make sure she has as little to stress about as possible." He finishes my sentence. "That makes two of us, a lot of us, and don't worry, I won't let anything happen to her. So you've got nothing to stress about either."

 **Carla**

"You look relaxed." I jump at the sound of Michelle's voice, water splashing around me slightly as I turn my head to face where she was leant up against the bathroom doorframe.

"Sorry... Cramps." I indicate to the water and she comes over, raising a hand to my head, running her fingers through my hair briefly before sitting on the edge of the bath. "You took your time."

"Sorry, darlin'." She sighs, watching my expression as if she had something else to say. "Queue in the Chinese was long."

"No it wasn't." I muse and she narrows her eyes at my ability to pick up on things. "Where did you go?"

"No genuinely, I've got our food, it's out there-"

"Michelle Sinead Connor." I cut her off and she widens her eyes slightly at my abruptness, as I flash her a smile.

"I went to see Aidan." She sighs and I pull my knees up to my chest, allowing the water to readjust itself around me, bubbles sliding down my silky skin. "After what you said, I had to, I wanted to try and put things right. I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Hey, I'm not going to be annoyed." I assure her, raising a finger and tilting her chin so her gaze met mine. "...So, what's the verdict?"

"The verdict is that you're still getting your kidney and he's accepting us being together." She shrugs and I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Really?"

"Really." She nods, as I try not to get emotional. "So, Mrs, it's time to start planning our future together, since we've got one, and since now everybody has accepted the fact I'm head over heels in love with my best friend."

"Is that right?" I smile, lowering my tone slightly and she nods, moving her hand to swish the bubbles around me, placing a hand on my knee. "Maybe I have got something to look forward to after all."

"We're going to be ok." She slides along the bath, moving her head down to kiss me. "Alright? Believe me. Everything is going to be fine, and I'll be here for you, every step of the way."

* * *

 _ **Thank you to those who have been patient, I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoyed :)**_


	12. Commitment

**Chapter 12:**

 _ **A/N: Ok so some people may not like this development, but shout out to Rach ( charitysdingle) for formulating the idea with me. Also, this isn't the best chapter I've written, I've been very busy and people have been asking for a chapter so I wanted to get something up. I also had some useful constructive criticism that it was very dialogue heavy, which I am aware of, and because I'm trying to make it realistic and incorporate it into the show it's difficult to alter that, but I have tried in this chapter to add more description, and hopefully make the dialogue flow a little better, so thank you for your feedback!**_

 **Carla**

"I don't want to go back there." I swallow, sitting with my legs crossed on the bed as Michelle packs my bag, as if I was some spoilt child.

"I know." She looks at me. "But it won't be for long."

"Michelle I'm not gonna see this flat again until I know whether I'm living or dying." I put bluntly and she sighs, lowering the pyjamas she was folding. "...I might never see it again."

"Yes you will."

"It's all good saying that, but I could die in that operating theatre. Or my body could reject the kidney, or my body could just give up before I've even been given it-"

I stop myself as she storms out of the room, pulling the door so it almost closes. I bite my lip hard, salty blood becoming apparent as I close my eyes, trying to dissipate my thoughts for her sake. Colours swim in the darkness before my eyes, squeezing them closed so the light show intensifies. I eventually open them again, peering around the bedroom in saturated colour, isolated and trapped. I wanted to go outside, I wanted to feel the fresh air before I had to be locked up for weeks on end.

"Where are you going?" Michelle looks up from where she has her head in her hands on the kitchen counter.

"Out." I respond bluntly, selfishly as I try to ignore the blotchiness of her face from how much she had evidently been crying over the harshness of my words. The reality of them.

"You can't go out." She argues, moving towards me as I pull my coat on. "We've got to go to the hospital in two hours."

"Yeah, two hours." I snap. "So give me some space while I can still have it." I slam the door closed, refusing to look back as I pace down the staircase, searching for breath as I increase my speed. I lean up against the wall at the bottom, staring up the staircase to see if Michelle was going to come after me. Of course she wouldn't. Why would she after the way I treated her? She knew to give me space when I asked for it, even if I didn't really want it.

I use all my strength to push the door open, even the least strenuous of tasks making me feel weak. The cold February air hits me, the wind billowing through my hair, sending chills down my thinning arms.

"Carla?" My head whips around to face Roy, who was heading towards me, equipped, as usual, in his fraying cream coat and shopping bag which may as well be glued to his hand. "I was just on my way to visit."

"Shouldn't you be opening up?" I point down the road towards the café.

"I felt more important matters needed to be attended to." He glances up at Victoria Court. "I believe you're due in hospital in an hour and fifty... Two minutes." He checks his watch and it makes me smile slightly.

"Yeah I uh, I needed some air." I reply and he nods hesitantly. "I'd invite you up but I've just had a row with Michelle... I don't think you'd want to play gooseberry."

"A row with Michelle?" He repeats, concern in his tone. "Has she done something to upset you?"

"No Roy, it's me, it's always me."

"Well... I did make that assumption but refrained from broadcasting it."

"Oh cheers." I laugh softly as he produces a present from his bag, handing it to me. "It's not my birthday, Roy."

"Well... No..." He stammers, as I pull back the wrapping paper to reveal an orange stone, which I sit in the palm of my hand. "...What's this?"

"Carnelian." He replies and I look at him blankly. "I uh... I gave it to Hayley, when she underwent her operation. It's a symbol of support. I think she would want you to have it, on behalf of both of us."

"Roy..." My breath catches in my throat as my eyes begin to well up.

"I didn't intend for it to upset you."

"I'm not upset." I force a smile, pulling him in for a hug which he returns awkwardly. "I'm just touched, so touched."

"Well like I said." He pulls back and I weave it between my fingers. "Hayley would be very proud of you, as am I."

"For what?" I blink back tears. "Begging my brother for a kidney? Being in denial for months? I've hardly done anything worth gifts and praise."

"You've stayed strong. As you always have." He tells me. "And for that, you deserve a lot of credit."

* * *

I push the door open to the flat, my eyes falling on where Michelle was sat in the armchair, hold-all next to her. I study her for a moment, as she meets my gaze, flashing me a warm smile.

"I've packed your bag." She taps it gently and I continue to stare at her, wondering why she wasn't kicking off or crying or telling me how selfish I was. But this was Michelle, and I don't know why I expected any of those things. "And I've made you dinner. You might want to eat something before you go. I know you don't like hospital food much."

"...Why?" I glance at the plate on the kitchen surface, wrapping my arms around myself defensively.

"Because I love you." She just responds, as if it was such an obvious answer, which I guess, in a way, it was.

"...I'm sorry." I mumble and her eyes fixate on mine for a moment, before finally standing up.

"It's ok." She takes my hands in hers as she reaches me, leaning in to kiss my forehead, and I tilt it upwards so she accidentally meets my lips.

"Sorry." I repeat, quieter this time, as she grazes her hand up and down my arm, shaking her head.

"Will you eat something, please?" She smiles slightly.

"I'm not hungry." I mutter, producing the stone from my pocket. "I saw Roy."

"Did he talk some sense into you?" She assumes. "Infuse some positivity?"

"He gave me this." I place it in her palm and she studies it. "Apparently he gave it to Hayley when she had her operation. It's supposed to show support or something, I don't know."

"That's lovely." She smiles, brushing the hair out of my eyes. "I think this is the most support you've ever had, we're all here for you." She hands me the stone back. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah." I just murmur, my heart beating faster as I catch the sight of the time on her watch. "Oh God I'm scared."

"Ok, ok." She notices me starting to panic.

"I feel sick."

"Carla." She says softly, placing a finger under my chin and lifting it to meet her gaze. "Ok, all we're doing today, is going to the hospital. One step at the time, alright? I'm not going to leave you. You've got me, all day, alright? All you need to do is lie in bed."

"Lie in bed." I swallow, her methods unbelievingly calming. "With needles going in and out of me."

"Needles are nothing in comparison to what you've put up with in the past."

"Yeah but I'm weaker now."

"Who's the strongest person I know?" She persists and I sigh, searching her gaze, as if I didn't know her answer. "Who?"

"...Me." I respond. "I don't know why."

"Yes you do." She places a hand flat against my chest. "Believe me."

"...You won't leave me?" I swallow, tears silently rolling down my cheeks. "Not even when Johnny's telling stupid jokes thinking it will cheer me up, or I can't even talk because I'm so tired, or I'm being embarrassing by yelling at the nurse-"

"Never." She confirms, before I can finish. "That's something you haven't got to worry about."

"I know." I admit and she smiles. "I love you."

"I love you too." She kisses me gently, before turning around and I continue to watch her, relishing the small ounce of luck I still had left, all because of her.

* * *

 **Michelle**

"Your pillow's slipping." I go to move it and she flicks her head around, smiling slightly.

"Stop fussing." She says gently and I roll my eyes.

"Where's Roy with these coffees?" Johnny paces the room and I groan in sync with Carla.

"I'm sure the machine is going as fast as it can." She tells him, before seeing his figure pass by the window. "Here you are, see. At least you can drink it."

"I was thinking that I should be saying something profound." Johnny continues, as Roy carefully closes the door behind him.

"I disagree." He passes Kate a coffee. "Trifles make the sum of life."

"Nigella Lawson?" Carla guesses, glancing at me as I shrug.

"Charles Dickens." He corrects her, as the door opens and my attention diverts to the nurses who are entering.

"Time to take you down to pre-op, Carla. Aidan's doing well."

"Thank God." I hear Johnny mutter as my heart beats faster in my chest, trying to swallow my fear. I feel Carla's hand tighten around mine slightly, making it invisible to everyone else.

"Ok, no tears, no fuss. I love you, you and you." Her head bravely shifts between Kate, Aidan and Johnny, as I frown at her and she smiles at me. "And I love you."

"Oh good." I narrow my eyes, trying to stop my tone from wavering. "Don't forget about me while you're down there."

"Like I could." She gazes at me for a moment, before Johnny swoops in, kissing her on the forehead.

"See you in a few hours, yeah?" Kate squeezes her arm.

"Love you." Johnny tells her. "Beautiful. Your turn, Roy."

"Oh uh... Well." He begins and I stand up to follow where her bed is beginning to be moved. "I know the past few months have been a haze of fatigue." I watch how intently she listens to him, hanging off every word. "But all being well, it will be in the past."

"Basically, you'll be skipping out of here." Johnny throws his arm around him as I lean up against the wall, observing Roy's hesitant expression.

"Nicely put." He adds, wincing slightly as Johnny pats his back

"Ah." Carla taps her cheek and he leans down to kiss it, as she tilts her head to peck him briefly on the lips. She giggles adorably, and tears spring to my eyes, trying to force them away as she kisses him again. "I said no tears."

"I'm not crying!" I object, noticing she had shifted her head towards me, even though it was obvious I was emotional. "You're just milking it now." I punch her really gently in the arm and she laughs, staring at me as Johnny, Roy and Kate watch us intently, which I was progressively finding easy to drown out. "I love you."

"Come here." She reaches a hand up to me and I move down to kiss her lips, realising that wasn't her intention as she moves her mouth to my ear. "Marry me."

I freeze for a moment, trying to process the words, trying to figure out whether she was already under sedation.

"What?" I murmur, and I can see Johnny looking quite confused at my sudden change in expression. Carla stares back at me, her gaze meaningful and it's then I realise I haven't heard it wrong. She swallows, linking her fingers with mine as they begin to start wheeling her again. I nod without thinking, without even needing to think and she exhales, trying to stop the smile spreading across her face.

I move down to kiss her again, her lips cool against mine, brushing a hand through her hair as she slips out of view. My eyes widen as I watch her go, leaning back against the wall, the words replaying in my head.

"What did she say to you?" Kate finally asks, sounding concerned and I move my head to face them. "You've gone really pale."

"Just nervous." I lie, and she comes over to me, wrapping me in a hug, as Johnny puts his arm around Roy again. I keep my eyes focused on the spot where her bed lay, squeezing my eyes shut as tears roll down my cheeks onto Kate's shoulder.

I felt terrified. I felt numb. I felt incredibly overwhelmed.

I felt shocked. But I felt happy.

 **Carla**

The constant beeping of machines begins to soak into my thoughts, becoming regular and almost soothing. The bright lights swim above me, a sharp prick in my hand as the room repeats the cycle of spinning and steadying.

"How's Aidan?" I continue to ask, despite having questioned them about the same matter countless times.

"He's doing really well." I hear a voice, as an oxygen mask slips over my face, tightening around me. I blink away the lights, trying to readjust them, focus them from their blurring state. "They're stitching him up now, it went very smoothly." She continues to talk to me as I exhale, my eyes becoming heavier as my breath capacitates.

"The NHS is a wonderful thing." I manage to mumble, my eyes aching and fizzing from the warmth that was clouding them.

"Ok Carla." A voice is faint in my thoughts. I knew this was it. The exhaustion preventing me from panicking, along with Michelle nodding in response to me. I see it over and over. I see a future. My future. "Nothing to worry about, just a cold sensation." I hardly even feel it, the room is swimming around me, the last time I could possibly see light. The last time I could possibly think I had a future ahead of me. "Excellent." The voice in my head continues to narrate, as I begin to give in to the sensation dragging me under. "Now I'd just like you to count backwards for me. From one hundred."

"...Hundre..." I exhale, unable to finish the word as I try to focus my thoughts on the simple task I had been given.

Ninety nine.

An intensity bowls over me, as if I was drowning. Peacefully drowning. The noise begins to fade out, the beeping dimmer, fainter, less persistent. It almost sounded like music, out of tune music which I couldn't turn off. But I didn't feel the need to, it was there, it made me remember I was there too.

Ninety eight.

A darkness descends as my eyes flutter closed, too weak to hold them open anymore. For a brief moment, I see a medically icy blue beam swim before them. Dulling. Darkening. White. Turquoise. Blue. Navy. Black.

 _Black._

 **Michelle**

"She adores you." I sit with my coffee balanced between my legs, continuing to stir the wooden stick around as I had been for the past fifteen minutes. It was past cold, and I was pretty sure the sugar had dissolved by now, but it gave me a distraction.

"As she does, you." Roy replies, sat opposite me, clutching his bag in his lap. "I'm very pleased that you have both established your attraction towards one another." He recites and it makes me smile slightly. I could tell how he could make Carla happy, laugh when no one else could. He cared, so much, and it was a beautiful connection that had been formed in Hayley's memory.

"What did you and Johnny talk about?"

"Our singular... Common interest." He responds and I look up at him, tilting my head to the side.

"He's jealous of you." I muse slightly, although, being Roy, it doesn't seem to humour him in the slightest.

"I'm struggling to understand my accidental abilities to allow that to occur." He replies and I move my coffee cup, putting it down on the side and leaning forwards slightly.

"Because you're like a second dad to her." I lower my voice. "And he's screwed her over many times, you haven't."

"I think I may... Go and check..." He points to the corridor, clearly touched, but awkward about this conversation. I stand up to follow him, which he picks up on, hesitating before I indicate the way.

"And here's me thinking you'd grown as a person." I hear an unwelcome voice, turning in the direction of it as Roy begins to talk to the nurse outside of Carla's room. "Your compassion is a thing of beauty, Tracy. It really is."

"Oi, I am carrying balloons for a woman I would have gladly buried a few years back." I groan at the sound of another unwanted tone, as Tracy and Peter slip into view, with enough balloons to equip a child's birthday party. "Trust me, I'm showing the love." She turns her head to notice me, Peter's awkward expression gracing mine, as the nurse pulls away from Roy. "Oh my God, she's dead!" Tracy exclaims, eyeing up my tear stained face, smudged mascara now buried into my cheeks that I hadn't made the effort to remove. She soaks up the tangled, limp hair, my sullen eyes, Roy's cardigan that was around my shoulders that he had insisted I wore to stop me from shivering. "She's died, hasn't she?" She tugs on Peter's arm and I glare at her, exchanging a look with Roy. "I told you we shouldn't have listened to the sat nav and we should have taken my route!"

"Tracy, shut up." I cut her off and Roy holds a hand up, approaching them.

"Carla's not dead!" He objects, with almost the same level of irritation as me, which was something I wasn't used to. "The operation went very smoothly." He informs them, as Tracy almost looks relieved, placing a hand to her chest over-dramatically. Peter sighs with relief, his eyes rolling back and I struggle to decide which one of them I held more dislike for in the moment. "She's in recovery as we speak."

"Sorry..." Tracy glances at me, actually looking apologetic for once.

"Idiot!" Peter snaps, as I fold my arms around myself vulnerably.

"It's not my fault, it's their fault." She points at us defensively and I raise my eyebrows. "Roy, you really need to work on your happy face."

"Uh!" I input, linking my arm with his to back him up.

"And you." She shifts her gaze to me. "Well Michelle, you look like you've been dragged through the hospital car park backwards. It's not a good look babe."

"Tracy!" Peter objects.

"Well my girlfriend is having life changing surgery..." I try to keep my tone calm. "Forgive me if I don't look ready to hit the clubs."

"You look beautiful." Peter intervenes and I shoot him a weird look, as Tracy does the same. "Fine. I mean you look fine."

"Cheers." I mutter.

"Wow, you're barking up all the wrong trees." Tracy nudges him. "Starting on the lesbians now. Hey, I think Kate's here somewhere if you-"

"Ugh." I groan, tipping my head back against the wall and allowing Roy to step in.

"The waiting area is through there." He points abruptly down the corridor, before heading past them and I follow his lead. I pause momentarily, screwing my nose up at the boards of teddy bears they had wrapped in cellophane, reaching my hand out to observe it properly.

"...Do you sell these in your shop?"

"Yeah." Tracy, beams proudly. "Do you like them?"

"No. They're ugly." I respond bluntly, before looking at Peter. "And if you think she's going to like all this tat, I don't know how you were ever married to her." I nudge Tracy out of the way as I proceed to catch up with Roy.

* * *

"I believe my time is up." Roy looks up from Carla's bed side as I enter, holding another coffee to try and stop myself from going insane with fatigue. My eyes meet hers and she smiles warmly, holding out her hand weakly.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?" I reach down to kiss her head and she mumbles quietly at the contact, as Roy stands up. "Oh you don't have to go, if you haven't finished."

"I think I've bent his ear enough." Carla replies and he nods curtly.

"I will make myself scarce." He pats Carla's hand gently before gathering his bag and leaving.

"Hey, you." Carla shifts her gaze back to me and I almost fall into the seat next to her, taking her hand in mine. "I'm feeling surprisingly alright."

"Maybe it's the kidney kicking in." I smile slightly, so relieved that she was here and talking.

"Maybe." She nods, watching me for a moment. "Not a nice scar though."

"It'll fade." I brush a hand through her hair, trying to untangle the knots, before pulling a hair brush out of her bag and beginning to gently brush through it.

"Is this your way of telling me I look awful?"

"No." I kiss the top of her head as I weave the brush through her hair, allowing it to fall against my fingers. "It's my way of looking after you." We stay in silence for a moment, as I finish brushing her hair, before sitting down and plaiting a small portion of it absentmindedly.

"I think we need to talk." Her words creep through the silence.

"Yeah." I swallow, placing my hands back in my lap and she searches my expression for some indication of my opinion on the unsaid topic at hand. "You're going to say you were deliriously high on pre-op drugs and that makes me feel like the stupid one-"

"Ok just shut up for a moment." She stops me and I meet her gaze, raising my eyebrows. "Babe, you look terrible."

"Oh cheers." I laugh slightly. "So that's what you wanted to talk about?"

"You need to take care of yourself."

"I don't care about myself, what matters is taking care of you."

"And what matters to me is taking care of you, so." She eyes me up for a moment. "Is that Roy's cardigan?"

"Yeah." I grin at her expression. "I'm stealing him from you."

"Don't you dare." She slaps me lightly on the knee. "You're the daughter-in-law, thank you very much."

"We're not married." I remind her, before diverting back to the topic at hand. "Yet..."

"I'm sorry for throwing that out there." She sighs, watching me intently. "I like to pick my moments, don't I?"

"So... You didn't mean it?" I assume and her face softens slightly. "Ok, don't answer that actually." I get up, trying to stop my face from flushing. "I'm going to get another coffee before I collapse."

"Michelle." She grabs my hand and I pause, reluctantly turning to face her. "Sit down."

"I'd rather not." I fold my arms sulkily.

"Ok then pass me my bag." She points to the handbag on top of the larger hold-all I had packed for her. I pause, watching her meaningful expression before picking it up and watching as she fumbles around in it. "Sit down." She sighs, a small smile on her lips as I lower myself, allowing her to link her fingers with mine.

"You're scaring me."

"I thought you were one of the only people I didn't scare?" She narrows her eyes playfully, studying me for a moment. "Right... Listen. Ok? I wanted to say what I did. I wanted to say it before the surgery just in case... I'd never get the chance to."

"Yeah so you didn't mean it." I shrug, trying to act casual. "I get it."

"You have been so perfect the past few months, Chelle. More than I could ever ask for from anyone." She lowers her voice slightly and my eyes dart down to where her hand was resting in her bag. "And trust me, I didn't ever see myself saying this again, never mind this soon. But... It's not soon, is it really? Because in my head, this has been our whole lives. This." She waves her finger between us. "And I love you."

"What are you banging on about?" I manage a small laugh. "Those drugs clearly haven't worn off."

"What am I banging on about?" She bites her lip gently, nodding for a moment before sighing and pulling a box out of her bag, handing it to me. My heart stops in my chest, unable to remove my eyes from it. "Ok then, I'll open it." She laughs, her fingers brushing mine as tears spring into my eyes. "Even though I've got a drip in my hand." She pulls it open and my eyes fall upon the ring in front of me. "Stop working out how much it cost and look at me."

"I wasn't." Tears roll down my cheeks as I have to force back a smile. "I'm trying to process what's going on."

"Well... I'm asking you to marry me." She states, bluntly and I laugh softly, tears clouding my eyes as she brushes them off my cheeks. "...You don't have to say yes. It won't change anything. I know it's soon and everything's happened so fast... I just, want you to know that I don't want anybody else. I want this. I want us. Forever, now."

"When did you even buy this?" I mumble, dragging my hand across my cheeks and trying to compose myself. "I thought it was just a spur of the moment thing?"

"Oh Chelle, it's never been a spur of the moment thing with you." She tells me as I graze my thumb across the ring, admiring it and almost getting lost in a trance. "So... Do I get an answer?"

"Ok then." I swallow the nerves that were for some reason building in my throat, before tilting my head against hers. "I suppose."

"You suppose?" She whispers against me, a smile creeping across her face. "Is that a yes, Michelle Connor?"

"Yes, that's a yes." I smile, and she watches me for a moment, absorbing the response before leaning in to kiss me. Her lips are warm against mine, our tears colliding.

"Yeah?" She checks and I nod, closing my eyes as I breathe her in, before eventually pulling back and moving my hand towards the box. "Baby, you're shaking."

"I know." I laugh, giving up as she takes it from me, removing it from the box and taking my hand.

"Not used to doing this." She slips it onto my finger and I start to cry again as I observe how it fits perfectly. "I probably could have chosen somewhere more romantic than a hospital bedside."

"I don't want anything more romantic." I murmur, watching it glint in the light. "Carla... It's so perfect."

"Well, at least an advantage is that I know what I'd want to wear."

"I think we've got enough advantages by now." I look back at how she is gazing at me. "I've got to buy you one now."

"No you haven't." She objects and I shake my head in awe for a moment. I sit myself down carefully on her bed, as she takes my hand in hers.

"Thank you."

"Thank you for saying yes." She laughs, playing with my fingers as she stares down at them. "We don't have to move quickly, you know. Just because we're... Engaged, doesn't mean we need to rush to do anything."

" _Engaged_." I muse, the word playing over in my head. "Wow... I didn't see this happening a few months ago."

"No, me neither." We sit in silence for a while, as I stare down at my hand. Everything seemed like a hallucination. The past few weeks could easily be a dream I'd wake up from any second. And, although in doubt that Carla would be well again, none of this would have happened and despite the struggles and the heartbreak and all the tears, I knew, in the long run, love would beat fear. It already was. We were already proving to each other that we'd fight through anything to keep what we had found. The thought, having not even entered my head beforehand, of spending the rest of my life with Carla officially, was something to keep me going. It didn't matter whether it had been weeks or years, I knew, either way, this is what we both needed all this time. This is what we were missing, what we hadn't noticed, since I first saw her bruised, but beautiful face on the council estate. But now it was so obvious, and the battles we had fought together to be here today was something making us so much stronger, and this, so much more meaningful. "Are you okay?"

"...Yeah." I slowly drag myself out of my thoughts, meeting her gaze again. "Just... Completely shocked."

"I know it's fast."

"Not really." I shrug. "It was going to happen at some point, wasn't it?"

"You reckon?" She smiles, as if the hospital and the needles and the scars didn't even exist right now. She seemed so happy, so content with us and that was something I appreciated so much.

"I wouldn't have just agreed to marry you if I didn't." I prompt her, hesitating. "Aidan's going to have a fit. He hasn't even fully come round to the idea of us yet."

"I'll send an announcement out in the group chat."

"Don't you dare." I humour her teasing and she giggles softly. "I haven't even told my parents about us. That's if Ryan hasn't opened his gob yet."

"I think you'd have heard from them if he had." She winces. "I'm going to officially be their daughter in law again."

"I wonder what Rob would say." I contemplate, staring into space for a moment.

"He'd be insanely jealous, he's lusted after you since he was twelve years old." She brags slightly. "Now I ended up with you."

"Yeah, for good now." I point to the ring and she hums, watching my thoughtful expression. "How-"

"I'm not telling you how much it cost." She cuts me off and I glare at her.

"How did you know I was going to ask that?"

"Because I know you too well." She laughs and it makes me smile. "It's the most expensive engagement ring I've ever bought someone."

"Really?" My eyes widen, before catching on. "Oh, shut up."

"Haha." She bursts out laughing before holding her stomach. "Oh actually don't make me laugh."

"Are you alright?" I fret and she nods, glancing behind her at the sign on the wall.

"Can you pass me that water?" She points and I take it from the table, handing it to her and she smiles appreciatively.

"You can't keep this up now you've been fixed."

"Fixed." She tries not to laugh again. "Come here." She pulls on the hem of my top and I move in to kiss her, being especially careful as I do so.

 **Carla**

"Here he is; hero of the hour." Kate announces as we enter the flat.

"Ey, alright, our kidney?" I hear Michelle's voice as there is an eruption of laughter and I follow behind them. I clap eyes on where she is sat, beautiful as ever on our kitchen stool, Jenny faffing around in the kitchen, as if she still lived here.

"I thought you had a solicitors meeting!" I exclaim, raising a hand to Michelle's cheek.

"Finished early." She shrugs, flashing me a smile as I acknowledge Jenny. "Not a problem is it?"

"A problem?" I move in to kiss her. "No."

"Ok you two, as if I didn't feel nauseous enough." Aidan waves his hand, sitting down on the sofa and I roll my eyes as I pull away, going to sit next to him.

"Oh you're just jealous because you haven't got someone to welcome you home with open arms." Kate teases him, sitting on the arm of the sofa.

"It wasn't their arms I was fussed about." He nudges me and I narrow my eyes playfully.

"Now, do you want a drink, or anything?" Johnny fusses around us and I subtly roll my eyes at Aidan.

"I'd love a brew." Aidan replies as I wrap my arm around his shoulders, glancing back to where Michelle was getting up.

"Oh don't you make it love." Johnny tells her, beckoning her over. "Jenny, would you mind?"

"Oh... Uh, yeah." She nods with an element of surprise in her expression, as Johnny takes a seat next to Michelle on the opposing sofa. My eyes glide down to her hand, where her engagement ring sat, having not been removed. However, it seemed nobody was observant enough to notice.

"Our kidney." Johnny laughs suddenly, tapping Michelle on the arm and she frowns at him.

"Have you only just got that?" She starts to laugh as well, Kate joining in.

"Don't make them laugh!" Johnny points to us, trying to excuse himself as I rest my head on Aidan's shoulder, smiling contently as they continue to joke around. My family.

 **Michelle**

"Are you sure you don't want another sandwich?" Jenny pesters Kate, holding the tray in front of her. I almost felt guilty; I should be playing hostess, but instead had lounged out on the sofa, allowing her to do it all.

"What? Are you like one of those feeders?" Kate raises her eyebrows, tucked into the corner of the sofa next to Aidan. "If I eat anything else I'll burst."

"Aidan?"

"Oh, no no." He holds his hand up tiredly.

"Michelle?"

"Jenny will you stop fretting and sit down." I tell her and she looks surprised at my response. "Have a drink, relax."

"I uh-"

"Oh, love." Johnny turns around in his chair, interrupting his conversation with Carla. "Would you mind popping round to Aidan's flat to see if there's any post?"

"Oh yeah, that would be great." Aidan holds out a set of keys which Jenny takes reluctantly, as he yawns. "I'm shattered. I couldn't go and have a lie down in your spare bedroom, could I?"

"Yeah course." Carla points to it and he pulls himself up.

"Have a nice sleep." I add, as Carla gets up, also looking tired as she heads towards me. I hold my arms out, smiling warmly, and she groans slightly as she sits down in my lap. I secure my arm around her, the other hand stroking her hair as she tucks her head under my chin. "You feeling alright sweetheart?"

"Yeah." She smiles slightly as I kiss the top of her head, noticing how Kate was watching us contently.

"What's that on your hand?" She suddenly notices, leaning forwards to pull it towards her. "...Is that an engagement ring?" Her eyes widen, as Johnny's head snaps around from the kitchen.

"A what?" He practically dashes over, inspecting my hand.

"Kate wins." Carla mumbles, as they stare at us, completely puzzled.

"Carla!" Kate exclaims, a hint of excitement but shock in her tone. "When did this happen?"

"In hospital." Carla moves her head to gaze at me and I kiss her briefly, before breathing in the scent of her hair. "I know, I know it's soon, but-"

"You're engaged?" Aidan appears in the doorway and my arms tighten around Carla slightly, as I move my gaze to focus on his.

"Aidan..." Carla trails off, looking shifty. "I... I know what you're going to say."

"Which is what, exactly?"

"That it's all moving too fast and you haven't even got your head around the idea of us being a couple yet and-"

"And that I'm unbelievably happy for you both." His face breaks into a smile, as he comes over to us and I try to process the confusion building inside me me.

"Happy? For..." I frown, as he takes my hand, studying the ring.

"Wow, that did not come cheap."

"Shh." Carla slaps him lightly on the arm, before peering around Kate and Johnny. "And you two?"

"Are you sure you're ready for that kind of commitment?" Johnny stresses, as Carla gazes at me lovingly. "You've only just... Established your feelings for one another, after all these years."

"Yeah exactly, all these years." Carla points out. "It's not like I only met her five minutes ago, is it?"

"I wasn't trying to argue with you!" He assures her. "I'm just... Shocked. I don't quite know what to say."

"Congratulations?" She hints, as Kate almost jumps on us, being careful of Carla.

"I can't believe this!" She claps her hands excitedly, her face lighting up.

"Listen, we're not getting married anytime soon." She holds her hands up weakly. "I'm not going to be shopping for bridesmaids dresses in the morning."

"Come here." Johnny bends down to hug us both in turn. "Who'd have thought it?"

"Mm." Carla mumbles, meeting my gaze again and I move in to kiss her, noticing Aidan leaning back against the wall.

"Even a blind man could see how happy you both are." Aidan observes and I nod, reassuring him. "Congrats, you two." He pats me on the head rather than bending down and I take my hand in his briefly. "Sister-in-law."

"Oh shut up." I narrow my eyes at him and he laughs softly, careful not to hurt himself in the process again. "Well, you all took it a lot better than I imagined."

"Things are looking up." Kate announces. "My brother has saved my sister's life, and she's now marrying my cousin."

"That sounds like a slogan on Jeremy Kyle." Carla weaves her fingers through my hair before resting her head on my shoulder. "Then again, I could have been on there for a lot worse in the past. No, this; this is good. This is happy. At last..."

* * *

 _ **Thank you for your patience!**_


	13. Doubt

_**A/N: So, I didn't get as many reviews on the last chapter, perhaps I've lost readers due to the delay of writing it or the storyline, or maybe because people said they preferred the M rated content, so I've added some more in here for you all :) Sorry for the delay, I'm back to work full time now so have had less time to write (amongst other distractions...). Enjoy!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: Sexual content at the end of this chapter.**_

 **Chapter 13:**

 **Michelle**

"Oh, morning." I flick my head around as the whisper of Carla's slippers against the kitchen tiles plays in my mind. She leans back against the cupboards, her eyes resting on mine, my fingers still gripped around the lid of the blender I had scrubbed clean this morning, following Johnny's attempts to make kale juice, for no necessary reason. "Are you okay?" I check, at her persistent silence and she nods her head, clearly still too tired to formulate words. Our phones go off in sync and she pushes herself away from the cupboard, picking up mine as it was closer.

"No..." She groans, lowering her head into her hands on the kitchen counter and I finish putting the blender away, going over and placing a hand on her back.

"What?" I take it from her fingers, reading Johnny's message to the group chat. "Oh for God's sake. Doesn't he realise we're fed up of parties?"

"Especially at the Bistro." She moves her head to look at me. "Aidan and I have just had major surgery, the last thing we want is cake and balloons at your ex boyfriend's restaurant."

"Well I'll tell him we're not going."

"Have you tidied up?" She scans the kitchen as I send the message to the group chat.

"No it magically did it itself." I nudge her gently and she rolls her eyes. "Give me a kiss."

"Ok." She almost sounds reluctant as she smiles against me. "So..." She sits herself down on the kitchen stool, drumming her fingers on the surface. "Everybody took the engagement quite well."

"I know, I'm surprised." I begin to make her breakfast. "I thought Aidan might have something to say about it."

"Maybe he's actually realised how much I love you."

"Maybe his act of kindness has transformed him as a person." I shrug, putting a coffee down in front of her. "Oh." I hesitate, checking the leaflet on the side. "Yeah you can have caffeine." I pass it back to her and she gazes at me lovingly for a moment. "What?"

"You, caring so much, it's sweet." She murmurs and I blush slightly, turning away as she watches me. There's a short silence before the buzzer sounds and our phones go off in sync. "Oh I'll get it."

"It's alright, I can-"

"Michelle." She raises her eyebrows at me and I shrug as she heads towards the door, picking my phone up.

 _Johnny to The Connors:_

 _Well Barry and Helen are coming over especially xx_

"Wait what?" I frown at the screen, reading the message over as Carla glances at me from the intercom.

"Uh... Yeah sure Barry." She mumbles, my eyes widening. "Come up."

"Carla!" I snap. "They don't know about us yet."

"So?" She frowns. "Just because we're living together, doesn't mean we're-"

"Michelle Sinead Connor." The door flies open as mum's angry expression comes into view. I stare at them in shock as my phone beeps and I glance down at it.

 _Johnny to The Connors:_

 _Oh and I may have accidentally dropped you in it, by the way :/ xx_

"Oh..." I trail off, looking back at where dad was hauling the suitcases in.

"Yes, 'oh'." She snaps, looking at Carla. "How long has this been going on?"

"...Have you met my girlfriend?" I point to Carla awkwardly and dad groans, putting his head in his hands. My eyes drift down to where my phone has beeped again. "...Fiancée."

 _Aidan to The Connors:_

 _He also told them you were engaged, just a heads up x_

 _Johnny to The Connors:_

 _Well how was I supposed to know?_

 _Kate to The Connors:_

 _OMG have you seen the deals Dev's put in his shop to stop people going to the new Co-op?_

"I'm just gonna put that on silent." Carla takes my phone from beneath me, before hesitantly turning to my parents. "Hi Helen... Barry... Nice to see you again."

"Are you two off your heads?" She continues, as dad closes the door, automatically going over to the kettle to make himself a brew. "What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?"

"So you both live here now?" He observes, sounding less bothered than mum as he paces around the room. "Very modern."

"You've been here before." I point out.

"Yes for your wedding to Steve." Mum inserts and I roll my eyes. "We liked Steve."

"Well Steve cheated on me and had a baby with another woman behind my back." I remind her and she shoots a look at Carla, who looks down at the floor awkwardly.

"You're making your way through our children, aren't you?"

"Excuse me!" I snap in Carla's defence, surprised she wasn't more argumentative with them. Perhaps the operation had well and truly mellowed her. "Don't you talk to her like that."

"Oh Michelle." She sighs, trying to reason with me. "You're not a... A lesbian."

"Helen." Dad interrupts as I fold my arms, tilting my head to the side. "I thought we said we were going to have a calm and reasonable discussion about this?"

"There's nothing to discuss!" I raise my voice. "I'm in love with Carla, we're getting married and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm forty one, mum, I can make my own decisions."

"You're forty one and now you're claiming to be gay-"

"I'm not 'claiming' anything!"

"Alright." Carla sighs, silencing us both.

"...Why do you have to get your claws into Michelle and all?" Mum asks her bitterly. "I mean, look what you did to Paul and Liam, you-"

"What I did to Paul and Liam?" Carla suddenly snaps, shock written into her expression. "Are you insinuating that I was to blame for their deaths?"

"That's not what I meant but-"

"This has got nothing to do with them!" Carla shouts, as I exchange a look with dad, who already looks prepared to leave. "I cared about them so much. I loved them. I love Michelle."

"Not like that." She avoids her gaze, muttering it to herself.

"Get out." I lower my tone and she looks up at me.

"Michelle-"

"No, I said get out!" I shout and she stares at me in disbelief for a moment. "I don't know what you're here for, but if you're going to come in to our flat and make it blatantly obvious that you can't stand the thought of me and Carla being together, then leave."

"I never said I couldn't stand the thought of it!" She objects and Carla scoffs quietly. "It's just that none of this makes any sense, and I don't like her much."

"Right well I do." I shrug, trying to act as if I didn't care. "So, if you're asking me to choose then... Bye."

"That's it?" She blinks, as if everything playing out was a dream. "Surely you can understand why we're concerned, why we've got so many questions. Not once have you made any indications to us that you're a lesbian-"

"I'm bisexual!" I shout and I notice Carla's eyes widen as she stares at me. I shoot her a dipped look, the words falling from my mouth involuntarily as I try to absorb them, accept them more, since I had admitted them to Aidan a few weeks ago. "And I love Carla, so if you can't accept that then the door is right there."

"Don't be silly Michelle, that's not what we want. Is it Helen?" He prompts her and she reluctantly looks at him. "Is it?"

"No." She responds bitterly, as I keep up my uncaring attitude.

"Oh yeah." I nod. "She's over the moon about it. Look at her."

"You can't expect me to just have a laugh about it and move on." She softens slightly. "You haven't even told us, your own parents. Everybody else knows, even Ryan kept quiet."

"Yeah and here's why." I point to her. "Because you come storming in here, out of the blue, throwing your opinion around. You haven't seen me in years, no hug, not even a 'hello Michelle, I'm so sorry you lost your son'." I feel Carla slip her arm around my waist. "Straight to the point because you can't stand Carla and never have."

"That's not true!" She defends herself as I look at Carla apologetically.

"Sorry..." I trail off and she just shrugs, going over to the kettle to pour out drinks. "I'm guessing you know about her illness as well."

"Johnny did mention it." She flashes Carla a look. "You're on the mend though, so I hear?"

"Well, I don't know yet." She coughs slightly. "I've got to go back in a week for more tests, I'm on immunosuppressants and probably medication for the rest of my life and I've still got to start dialysis in case my body rejects the kidney so... Do you take sugar Barry?"

"...No, thanks love." He replies awkwardly, taking the mug from her.

"Not for me either." Helen adds. "Sweet enough."

"Ironically." Dad tries to joke, as no one laughs and we continue to seethe in awkward silence. "We never got to meet this Robert."

"Well Johnny said he runs the Bistro now." Mum interrupts. "So I guess we'll see him at the engagement party."

"I'm sorry." I close my eyes, raising my hand to my head for a moment. "So the reason you're here is to meet my ex boyfriend, at the party of the engagement you're not even in support of?"

"Why doesn't Carla show Helen to her room?" Dad points down the corridor and I glance at Carla, unsure of how they'd reached the conclusion that we were putting them up. "And me and you can have a chat?"

"I've actually got things to do-" Carla begins, as dad shoots her a look. "Ok, uh... This way."

"Give your mother a break." Dad lowers his voice as soon as they've left and I widen my eyes.

"Give her a break?" I snap. "Dad, she's not giving me the time of day. I've had no time to explain anything... Look I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted-"

"Michelle." He sighs, pulling me in for a hug and I relish it for a few moments, realising how much I had missed it. "Nothing you could do would ever disappoint us."

"Well you've got a funny way of showing it." I mumble into him.

"She's just getting her head around the idea."

"But what difference does it make?" I try to keep my voice steady, the hurt out of my tone. "I'm still your daughter. Nothing's changed. She had no problems when Kate came out as gay."

"Yes but Kate is her niece." He reminds me. "...Just like Carla, coincidentally."

"Oh it's normal!" I say for what feels like the billionth time. "Dad if it wasn't, I wouldn't be with her. But I can't help how I feel. It could have been so simple with Robert, he'd given me a share in the business, he was about to propose to me, he was simple and easy and the 'normal' option, yeah. But I can't just settle for that for everyone else's benefit. I know you don't realise, but with Carla, it's... Something I've never known before. It's exciting, it's real. I've never felt like this about anyone, not even Dean, or Steve. And when that happens, you can't just throw it away, turn your back on it just because it's not the straight forward option... No pun intended." I force myself to look at how he is staring at me, a caring smile on his cheeks, tears almost in his eyes, mirroring mine.

"I love you, regardless." He hugs me again, as my tears silently stain his t-shirt. "You're my little girl. Your happiness is the most important thing to me. And if Carla is the person making you happy, then that's all that matters to me."

"Thank you." I whisper into him, as he sways me gently. "Thank you."

* * *

"Here they are." Johnny comes over, kissing Carla on the cheek as she fends him off. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." She groans. "I should be on the sofa."

"Barry." Johnny pats dad on the back, before hugging mum. "So glad you could make it. I'm sorry if uh... I've made things awkward in any way."

"Oh no not at all." I drone, and Carla links her hand with mine as she pulls me away from them, allowing Kate to come over and hug her.

"Well to be honest, dad's done a good job." She observes the surroundings, before leaning her head towards my ear. "And can I now say how gorgeous you look, now we're out of earshot of your parents?"

"Mm." I force a smile and she sighs, studying me for a moment.

"Drink?"

"Large glass of red." I respond and she raises her eyebrows at me. "What? It's a celebration."

"Yeah, you can say that again." She pulls on the neckline of my dress. "Come here."

"Carla." I kiss her quickly, before pushing her off gently and she looks slightly put-out as I peer around the room.

"What?" She frowns. "Everything's out in the open now." She trails her hand up my arm. "We haven't got to hide anything-"

"I need a drink." I walk away from her, not looking back as I approach the bar, and Robert hesitantly looks up. It was the first time we had seen each other since he exposed us, and I was surprised he had allowed me to enter, having been barred a few weeks back. "Uh, glass of red." I mutter, noticing how mum was staring at us both out of the corner of my eye. "Actually, a bottle."

"How many glasses?" His tone lacks enthusiasm.

"Just the one." I avoid his gaze, trailing my finger around the perimeter of the coaster on the bar top. "And a vodka shot."

"Wow... Classy."

"Do you want the money or not?" I hold out a note and he practically snatches it from my grip, lowering the bottle of wine onto the counter as I unscrew the lid, pouring a large glass of it and downing the vodka in one. I wince as the taste burns my throat, inflaming my sinuses, taking a long gulp of wine to take the taste away.

"So... Engaged." He tries to broach and I roll my eyes. "That's a development... It's all happening very fast isn't it? Moving in together, getting married. Let's hope it's not too much of a rush-"

"Sorry, I forgot, where's your right to comment?"

"Just making friendly conversation." He shrugs, a small, bitter smile on his lips. "I must say you seem... Over the moon about the whole thing."

"I am." I assure him firmly, continuing to drink from my glass, the material cool against the heat of my palm.

"Robert?" Mum appears at my side, smiling and I shoot her a look. "We've seen pictures but never properly met in person... I'm Helen."

"Oh... Hi." Robert awkwardly shakes the hand she is holding out and I look around in disbelief, desperate for someone to realise how purely sardonic this seemed. "Nice to meet you. I guess."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out for you both." Mum glances at me and I groan, forcing myself to leave the situation before I did something I'd regret.

"Chelle." Aidan clicks his fingers from the booth he was sat in and I raise my eyebrows before sitting down next to him, observing where Carla was talking to Maria in the centre of the room. "You alright? Must be nice having your parents back."

"Well I thought it would be." I mutter, drumming my fingers on the base of my glass. "Until I realised how against the idea mum was."

"I'm sure she's not against it..." He trails off, watching where she was laughing in reaction to whatever I feared Robert was saying. "Probably just... Shocked, like I was." He nudges me and I lean my head back, draining the rest of my glass and pouring another one. "Don't you think you should calm it down a bit?"

"Nope." I respond bluntly. "One of the brides has to get drunk at their engagement party, don't they?"

"Is that an official rule?" He frowns and I shrug, raising my glass to my lips again. "Well I don't think Carla's in any fit state to be carrying you home. Or me."

"Oh..." I sigh, feeling guilty all of a sudden. "Sorry, how are you feeling?"

"Alright." He laughs slightly, taking a sip of his orange juice. "How's Carla doing?"

"Better than me."

"...Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah it's just..." I trail off, feeling selfish for even raising the subject. "The last few weeks, everything that's happened, I think it's catching up with me. But I don't know why, I mean, both you and Carla have had it a lot worse."

"Michelle, you're coming to terms with your sexuality, you've been moved left right and centre, your girlfriend has a life threatening condition, sorry, fiancée... It's completely understandable..." He lowers his voice slightly. "You are still sure about the engagement?"

"Yes." I reply abruptly, and he raises his eyebrows at me as I move my glass to my lips again. "I am, Aidan."

"Ok, steady on." He raises his hand to my glass, as Carla turns to face us, coming to sit down next to Aidan. We both immediately fall silent and she gazes at us expectantly for a moment.

"Alright?" She frowns, her eyes darting to me. "Is that your second glass of wine babe?"

"Third now." I pour another glass as she exchanges a look with Aidan, which I try to ignore as I focus on where my mum was talking with Jenny. "She's got no problems with her, has she? And mum adored Lou."

"Michelle!" Carla snaps and I flick my head around, noticing Aidan's expression.

"Oh God... Sorry I-"

"It's fine." Aidan waves his hand, closing his eyes momentarily and I take another long gulp from my glass, as Carla glares at me.

"Speech." Johnny announces, and I freeze as he taps his glass excitedly, staring in our direction.

"No, no." I mutter under my breath, as my eyes meet dad's. Johnny beckons us over and I reluctantly stand up, suddenly realising how lightheaded I already felt. I avoid Carla's gaze as I do so, allowing her to follow me as she leans up against the bar.

"I don't know where to start really." He scans the room, turning to face Carla. "I'm still trying to understand how this came about."

"Same here." Carla shrugs and quiet laughter emits the audience.

"We've had a tough few weeks as a family. My son has saved my daughter's life."

"Here, here." Kate raises her voice as she pats Aidan's shoulder and there is a small round of applause as he soaks it up, smiling appreciatively.

"I don't think I've ever felt as proud, and Aidan, if your mother was here now, she'd feel just the same as me. You're truly a hero, a credit to her." He continues and I watch as Carla flashes him a loving smile, trying to stop her eyes from glazing over. "And now, we're crossing all our fingers but it looks like the future is bright for this one." Johnny puts his arm around Carla. "Just keep off the booze, you."

"I think Michelle's drinking for the both of them." Robert mutters so only the three of us could hear and I slam my empty glass down on the bar, glaring at him. "Top up?"

"Anyway..." Johnny diverts, as Robert pours more of the plum coloured liquid into my glass. "The reason we are here tonight, is to celebrate, yet another engagement of Carla's."

"Oi!" She nudges him, as I catch mum's gaze over the rim off my glass.

"Seriously. As surprised as I still am about the pair of you, I'm made up. Even though you haven't given us much time to process it before getting a ring on her finger." Johnny takes my hand, holding it in the air to display my engagement ring as there are a few observant cheers. "I couldn't think of anybody more caring, loving and devoted towards my daughter and... Michelle, thank you for making her so happy. Especially at such a difficult time." The wine progressively tastes more sour against my tongue. "I've known these two all of my life. I remember when you were born, how you grew up together, supported one another. The way things have come about is something beautiful. I love you both, from the bottom of my heart, and, no matter how long or short the engagement, I know it will be a very long marriage. I know you'll make each other very happy. So, if you'll all join me in raising a glass to Carla and Michelle, and their very bright future together. Happy engagement."

There is an eruption of cheers, people calling out different things as Carla glances across at me, seeing the look that was laced in my eyes. She squeezes my hand, smiling and I return it, pulling her in eventually and kissing her for a moment. She relaxes against me, going to continue it before I pull away.

"I just... Need a second." I force out, trying to sound reassuring as I head for the toilets. The hawkish chill hits me as I enter the toilets, the temperature a vivid drop from where I had previously been. Goosebumps crawl their way up my arms, suddenly unsure of whether I was experiencing this realistically, or whether it was the effect of the vodka and wine I had just mixed.

The room spins around me, as I lean back against the wall, slipping down it onto the floor. Hearing the familiar whoosh of the door as it swings open, I expect to see Carla, but instead, raise my head to make out Kate kneeling before me.

"I know it's hard." The words leave her mouth and I narrow my eyes, establishing whether I had actually said anything to trigger this response. "I know it's confusing and it makes you doubt who you are, especially when you thought you finally knew yourself."

"What?" I murmur, as she pulls the almost empty wine glass from my grip, the tinted red shimmer dazzling my eyes as I watch it part with me.

"Coming to terms with who you are." She assumes and I just shrug in response, because she had accurately pin-pointed one of the things that was playing on my mind this evening. "...I remember being sixteen. There was this girl in my class at school. I'd seen girls before and thought 'yeah, she's pretty', perhaps right back when I was a kid, but... This was different. I hadn't understood the extent of that emotion until this point, and I started to realise that it wasn't just a case of appreciating beauty... It was everything she did. Everything she said. I was scared as hell because deep down I knew, I knew now I was older, now I'd learnt more about it, I knew what the butterflies and lust and attraction meant. She was so much more confident about it, one of those 'go with the flow' kind of people about everything. I wished I could be like that. I just felt trapped... Confused... I know it's not the same for you, but, I do understand the process of trying to get your head around it. Being with somebody in public, having these feelings for someone you never thought you'd have feelings for. It took me years Michelle, it's not something you can accept overnight. And I understand that everything probably seems like a blur, it's okay to struggle sometimes, you don't have to be strong for Carla."

"She's handling it a lot better than me." I stare down at the floor, reflections on the white tiles swimming before my eyes. The same face I recognised, yet behind my eyes some things were so different. "I mean... The whole, sexuality thing."

"Well... With her illness, maybe she hasn't had as much time?" She suggests. "Maybe it will catch up with her later on."

"I've disappointed my mum."

"You haven't, Chelle." She rubs my arm supportively. "I know your mum. She loves you to pieces, regardless of anything. But, she's just found all of this out from dad, when everybody else knew. She's going to be a little shocked, wouldn't you be? If it you was Ryan?"

"I'd be surprised, yeah." I shrug.

"See."

"But I'd be fine about it!" I assure her. "I mean, why can't people just fall in love with whoever they do? Why does it matter who they are, where they are, what they are?"

"You sound like me, cuz."

"You can't call me that anymore." I smile slightly, finally meeting her gaze. "You're going to be my sister-in-law soon..."

"Do you want me to be your sister-in-law?" She asks gently and I try to understand what she is implying.

"Well... That's usually what happens when you marry someone's-"

"No, I mean... The engagement." She lowers her voice. "Are you sure it's what you want?"

"Yes." I release, before hesitating, studying how she was looking at me and I sigh. "I just... It's so fast. Like I said, I haven't even got my head around who I am yet. I'm still a bit... Paranoid in public... I shouldn't be, I know I shouldn't be."

"It's perfectly normal."

"Nothing about this is normal." I put my head in my hands, my eyes stinging with tears. "Everything has been so intense recently. We weren't ready to tell and we got exposed. We've been in and out of hospital, ambulances. Then Carla proposed out of nowhere... And then my parents showed up, I think it threw me. I don't know maybe, seeing them again reminded me of how 'normal' everything was a few months ago."

"...Do you still want to be with Carla?"

"Kate, of course I do." It's the first time my voice has sounded so certain about something, and I can see the relief flicker in her eyes. "More than anything. I love her, really love her. More than I've ever loved anybody else. When we're alone, it feels so right. When it's just us it feels normal. It feels like it should have been like that all along."

"You need to talk to her." She runs a hand through my hair and I swallow, greying tears from my smudged mascara present on my cheeks. "If anybody can relate to this, it's her. She's going through the same thing. Even if she is handling it differently... And if you're not sure about the engagement, she'll understand that."

"I know." I sigh, closing my eyes, about to open my mouth to say something else, before the door opens and Carla stands before me, her face falling when she sees my tear-stained crumpled mess on the floor.

"Hey, are you alright?" Her voice is so soft and caring as she kneels down next to Kate, touching my cheek before running her hand up my arm. "Baby, you're freezing."

"I keep telling Robert to turn the heating up in here." Kate tries to cover and my eyes dart between them.

"I'm drunk." I stupidly admit and Carla smiles slightly, grazing her thumb across my cheeks to wipe my tears.

"Has someone upset you?" She asks and I shake my head slowly, soaking up the care she was showing me. "Oh Chelle, come here." She pulls me in, allowing me to rest my head on her shoulder. I breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume and it settles me, makes me wonder what I was even crying about in the first place. I adored her. I was so happy. She made me feel things I had never felt before and that was rare; why was I crying about it, when I should feel like the luckiest person in the world?

"I'm going to go." Kate decides, standing up as I pull back, trying to get myself up and falling back against the wall. She holds her hand out, pulling me up as I grab it and I move in to hug her.

"Thank you." I whisper in her ear and she rubs my back for a moment, as Carla stands up beside us.

"No problem." She smiles, squeezing my hand before leaving. Carla watches her go for a moment, turning back to me as I study my expression in the mirror, groaning at the reflection.

"You look beautiful." She steps in, sweeping the hair out of my face and I swallow as I stare back at her, noticing she was waiting for some kind of explanation. "So... What was all that about?"

"I don't know I just got a bit upset." I move my fingers over the wine glass on the side. "And a bit drunk... I'm drunk."

"Well you have had a lot to drink." She points out and I raise my eyebrows at her, before pushing myself up onto the sinks and going dizzy in the process. "Careful." She places a hand on my arm to steady me and I sigh lustfully as she does so, pulling on her dress and clashing my lips against hers. My hand falls to her thigh, trailing my fingers up it. "Michelle." She whispers as I place my hand flat against her crotch. "Stop that."

"I want you." I whisper against her skin as I move down to kiss her neck.

"Uh, not in here you don't." She places her hands on my shoulders, guiding me off her. "And not while you're this drunk."

"I'm not that drunk." I laugh, as she nudges her nose against mine.

"You've just told me you are." She smiles, kissing me quickly. "I know you haven't had any action for a few weeks because of my op but really, the toilets?"

"Sorry." I apologise, remembering the fact that we were waiting until she felt ready again.

"It's fine." She whispers as her face goes serious again. "Listen, sweetheart. Whatever's on your mind, you can tell me."

"I know."

"Is it your mum?"

"Sort of." I shrug, avoiding her gaze, as she taps my engagement ring hesitantly.

"...Is it this?"

"No..." I trail off, unconvincingly and her face softens. "I don't know..."

"...Are you having doubts about us?"

"No." I feel myself sober up slightly at the question, staring her straight in the eyes as I say it. "No, I promise you. If there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that I love you so much."

"One thing?" She repeats, her eyes searching mine, waiting for elaboration. "Why don't we go home and talk? I'll get you some water, a kebab if you want one."

"A kebab?" I let out a small laugh.

"I know you secretly like them." She nudges me. "Especially when you've had a few."

"Well we can't do that anyway." I remind her. "Because we've got my parents crashing at ours."

"They're staying with Johnny." She tells me. "I've just had a bit of a heart to heart with her actually."

" _You_ have had a conversation with my mother?" I try to process the information as she nods, proudly. "...Wow, if I wasn't confused enough."

"Confused?" She persists, running her fingers through my loose curls and tilting my chin up to face her.

"I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed." I shrug, feeling almost too guilty to look her in the eye. "I need to get a grip, I know-"

"No you don't." She whispers, so sincerely it makes me meet her gaze, seeing the care she was conveying. "Darling, if this is too fast for you. If you're not sure this is what you want. We can slow things down. We can call it off."

"What, us?" I panic.

"The engagement." She smiles, relaxing me again. "...Is that what you want?"

"...No." I answer honestly. "No it's not, it's not."

"It's not?" She repeats and I shake my head believably. "Are you sure?"

"Listen, ok." I take my hands in hers, the hazy surroundings slowly becoming clearer. "I've just been struggling a little the past few days. I feel selfish, even though you'll argue I shouldn't." I raise a finger to her lips. "My parents turning up out of the blue and this whole party, I'm just trying to process things about myself without the speculation and the celebrations... I feel like there's a part of myself I suddenly don't know. Don't you feel like that?"

"I feel like there's a part of myself I suddenly do know." She answers. "Because I know I'm in love with you regardless of any labels or speculation, whatever anybody else says, it's not going to affect how I feel."

"I wish I could feel like that." I respond, honestly. "I mean, I know what I feel, for you, and that's not going to change. But I guess I'm just... So aware of other people. Everybody's judgements."

"And that's okay." She assures me, leaning her forehead against mine. "If there's one thing I've learnt from... Being on the brink of life though... It's that life's too short, Chelle. That's why I had to tell you in the first place, because anything could happen at any time. That's partly why I proposed when I did because I wanted to show you that no matter what happened, I always wanted to be with you. Life is too valuable to focus on others' opinions of yourself and who you love. We haven't got forever, Chelle. But the time we have got, I don't want to spend dwelling on 'what if's' and 'how come's', I want to spend it with you, loving you, being with you. But if you're ever having doubts, or feel overwhelmed or things are getting too intense, you can tell me, babe, and I'll understand. I'm going through it too."

I swallow, searching her expression, the soft sea green of her eyes, the way her dark hair framed her cheekbones, the caring look that was written throughout her. In that moment, none of the confusion and mad rush of the world mattered. It was me and her, granted, the Bistro toilets wasn't the most romantic place, but the setting seemed to dissipate along with everything else. Everything else except us.

* * *

"Thanks for everything." Carla hugs Johnny, and I flash him an appreciative smile, despite not showing my face for half of the party. She continues to Aidan and Kate, and I feel a pair of arms pull me in, inhaling dad's aftershave as my arms slide around the soft cotton of his shirt.

"Johnny's offered to put us up." He whispers into my hair. "Don't want to be in the way."

"You wouldn't." I try to sound meaningful as I pull back, my eyes darting in mum's direction, who has her hands clasped in front of her.

"Chelle, you coming?" Carla holds her hand out to me and I reach out to take it, allowing her to pull me in and pop a kiss on the side of her head.

"Ah, well I never saw it coming but, you're good together." Maria squeezes my shoulder, slightly tipsy as she moves her gaze to where Liam was helping himself to a box of chocolates. "Uh, excuse me! They're not for you, they're auntie Carla and Michelle's engagement gift."

"Oh let him have them." Carla ruffles his hair and he preens at Maria before tucking in. "He looks more and more like Liam everyday." She says out loud and I notice mum glance at her, as she instantly looks apologetic. "Sorry."

"No, it's nice." Dad assures her and she relaxes slightly.

"It's true." Mum adds, flashing Carla a warm smile before looking back at him, as Liam notices the stares he is receiving.

"Right you, come on." Maria calls and he stands up, box of chocolates still in tact. "What do you say?"

"Thank you." He hugs me and I lean down to kiss the top of his head. "Love you."

"Love you too sweetheart." I smile, as he gives mum and dad a hug, who fuss over him before he leaves. "Right, come on then."

"Uh, Michelle, could I have a word?" Mum suddenly drags my attention away from Carla and I pause, staring at her intently.

"Depends what it is."

"Chelle." Carla nudges me and I sigh, giving in for her sake as I follow her over to the corner of the room.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry darling." She apologises and I feel myself soften. "I've handled this all wrong. Really wrong. I never intended to upset you or make it seem like I didn't accept you. You know I always will, regardless. I mean, I'll admit that I'm still not... Used to the idea and it'll take me a while to come to terms with things. It's a shock. You must understand that. Especially with Carla... And yes, okay, is not my idea of perfection but if you're happy, if she makes you happy, that's what's important."

"She does." I release the words before I even think them. "She really does, mum. And I should have told you, both of you. I just... Everything has been so manic. We weren't ready to tell anyone, it's all been exposed for us. I guess I was trying to get my head around it a little first. Then, the things you said earlier hurt me, the thought of letting you down, by loving somebody, it upset me."

"You could never let us down." She sighs, emotion clouding her expression. "You're my baby girl. You make me proud every day. You make your dad and your brothers proud too. No matter who you are. We'll always love you."

"Yeah and no matter how much you nag me I'll always love you too." I try to keep a hard face on it, but my voice cracks at the end of the sentence and she holds her arms out for me to walk into. I embrace it, the contact I had longed for all day, the gentle tickle of her fingers on my back. The same way she used to hold me when I was a kid, when Paul had made me cry by stealing my felt tips or me and Carla had a fall-out on the playground. It comforted me. It made me feel like myself a little bit more, as I was piecing things back together, one by one.

 **Carla**

"You are here then, I've been looking for you all day, where did you go-" I begin, as I close the door to the flat, my eyes falling upon the candle-lit dinner table in front of me. Michelle was stood next to it, looking proud of herself in an emerald green dress that brought out her eyes and illustrated her figure beautifully. I am lost for words for a moment, lowering my bag, as she waits for me to say something. "Well, if this is what a hangover does to you..."

"I'm trying to be romantic." She rolls her eyes, coming over to me and removing the coat from around my shoulders.

"Oh wow." I admire, as she hangs it up. "Proper gent, aren't you."

"Shut up." She slaps me lightly on the arm, before pointing to the table. "Sit."

"So what's this in aid of?" I absorb the heavenly smelling food on the table, the candles flickering excitedly which mirrors Michelle's apparent mood.

"You and me." She sits down, pouring wine into my glass and I narrow my eyes at her. "It's non-alcoholic."

"Ah." I smile at her thought, raising the glass to my lips.

"You really think I'm gonna drink the real stuff after last night?"

"Oh yeah because that's why you bought it, right?"

"Yes, purely for selfish reasons."

"Of course." I grin, as she clinks her glass against mine. "Michelle this is so lovely."

"Yeah well you deserve it." She watches me tuck into my food. "We deserve it, after the past few weeks. I'm really proud of you, you know? You've been so strong. And... Here's to things getting better."

"Well I'll drink to that." I tap my glass again, looking down as I eat, as I feel her gaze on me. "I wish you'd have told me you were going to dress up, I look awful, it was snowing in the precinct."

"Snowing?" She raises her eyebrows. "It's Spring in a few days."

"Mm, I know." I smile to myself. "Fresh starts, new life and all that."

"...Is that a hint that you're pregnant?"

"Well I hope not."

"Yeah so do I." She laughs and I finally look up at her, noticing the longing laced in her expression.

"What?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ok, this isn't just about... The past few weeks." She bites her lip gently and it makes my tummy flutter. "It's about the next few years, well, all the years to come, actually."

"Right?" I lower my knife and fork, my eyes fixated on hers.

"I know I've been a bit off the past few days." She leans forward, taking my hands in hers, and I watch the rippling beam of light the candles were casting against her ring, realisation creeping over me. "And you've thought I've had doubts, well, yeah, maybe I have. But not doubts about us, doubts about me, which have made me overthink everything else. If there's one thing I do know though, it's that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You make me feel like myself when I'm lost. You make me feel safe when I'm afraid..." She trails off, and I feel a tear roll down my cheek as she coughs slightly awkwardly, which I find adorable. She reaches into the jacket on the back of her chair, pulling out a box and opening it up to reveal the most beautiful engagement ring I had ever set my eyes on. It had a diamond in the centre, with sapphires lining each side. "Look at me." She tilts my chin to face her and I struggle to keep the smile off my face. "I mean this when I say it. This is what I want. You. Forever. And right now this doesn't even scare me in the slightest because I know you make everything okay. You always have. Always. And I know all the celebrations have been done and congratulations have been said but, this is me and you now. This is me, asking you to marry me because Carla, I want nothing more. I don't care what anybody else thinks or says, I love you. I've always loved you... Marry me. Please?"

"You know I'm going to say yes to that." The tears are warm against my cheeks as she smiles through her own, my heart beating faster in the moment. "Chelle... That ring is gorgeous."

"Well, now you know where I've been all day." She shrugs, trying to prevent the evident happiness from overloading. "Shopping for this ring, the food, these." She pulls a bouquet of red roses from under the table and I laugh softly, taking them from her and smelling them momentarily.

"You know you actually need to put that on my finger for it to be a deal?"

"A deal?" She repeats, her eyes sparkling as she removes it from the box. "This isn't the McKnees order, Carla."

"Haha." I narrow my eyes, as she slips the ring onto my finger, gazing down at our hands for a moment. "You really didn't need to buy me a ring."

"Of course I did." She entwines our fingers, as I lay the roses down on the table, the food suddenly not as much of an interest.

"Well it's perfect." I tell her and she looks proud of this.

"It's not a rock like Tony's or Nick's." She studies it, and I continue to watch her, soaking up everything I loved so much about her being before me, being mine. "And you didn't choose it yourself like Peter's."

"No exactly, you chose it for me." I tilt my head to the side. "And it's perfect. It's my favourite one, so far."

"So far?" She raises her eyebrows and I laugh, resting my hand on her cheek as I move my head towards hers. Our lips connect and I sense the adoration and love emanating from our kiss.

"My favourite one, full stop." I whisper against her, and she runs her fingers through my hair, kissing me again.

"Full stop." She murmurs, her tongue flicking against mine and it makes my heart race excitedly, tugging gently on the neckline of her dress, wanting more of her.

"Forever." I assure her, pulling her up and moving backwards towards the bedroom, kicking the door open behind me as I push her gently against the wall, moving down to kiss affectionately along her collarbone.

"Carla..." She whispers through the dim light and I raise my head to look at her, worrying I had done something wrong. "Are you sure you're up to this?"

"Do I seem like I'm not?" I nibble her ear as I hum the words against it and the prickle of goosebumps becomes apparent beneath my hand that was rested on her arm. I pull back, swallowing as I fixate my eyes on hers, the care conveying itself to me.

"You do realise I'm mad for you? I've never felt like this, ever." She admits, her tone settling as her eyes grow meaningful. "Tell me to stop and I will." She rests her forehead against mine and I nod, vulnerability flickering in my eyes as she grazes a thumb along my cheek, taking me in before kissing me again. "We'll go at your pace."

"I love you." I mumble between kisses, as she lays me down on the bed, propping me back against the cushions and pulling the zip down on her dress, allowing it to fall around her and reveal the red lacy underwear beneath it. "Wow." I swallow lustfully and she lets out a quiet, satisfied murmur as he fingers dance in my hair, walking their way down my chest towards the hem of my top, which she pulls over my head. "I've never seen anybody so beautiful."

"Not even in the mirror?" She traces her fingers across the underwire of my bra, toying with the straps as I shake my head. "Well then you must be the mad one."

"Maybe I am." I whisper, as she unclips my bra, effortlessly. "For you."

"Likewise." She cups a hand around my breast after pulling my bra away, moving down to suck my nipple, a rush of pleasure suddenly circulating at the contact. I sigh as I watch how her hair tickles my chest, her lips moving against me, before progressing down my body, moving towards where she unbuttons my jeans, placing kisses along my waistline. She guides them down, feeling myself getting warmer the closer she gets, her nails brushing the sensitive skin beneath the hem of my underwear, tracing her fingers along the intricate detail.

"Don't tease me." I beg her and she raises her head to look at me victoriously, continuing to circulate her fingers above my underwear. "Chelle, please. I'm wet enough already."

"Yeah so I can already tell." She bites her lip, which doesn't help matters, as her fingers glide up and down my thigh.

"Michelle." I continue, not even caring how needy I sounded and she lets out a light giggle, which makes me melt, a soft hum emitting my lips as she presses her hand flat against me. "Mm, please."

"Since you asked nicely." Her eyes dart up to me, as I lower my hand to myself, moving it in circular motions desperately. "Carla, okay." She laughs, and I feel my cheeks flush slightly, as she moves my hand up my body, allowing herself to take over. She glides my underwear down my legs, as I spread them further, unable to remove my gaze as she trails kisses up my thigh, finally reaching my sensitive spot.

"Ah..." I sigh pleasurably at the sensation, continuing to exhale as my eyes flutter closed, a hand falling on top of my hair. Her tongue winds around me, the passionate flicker of it intensifying my urges. "That's so nice." I stupidly say, but she doesn't giggle or even look up, she continues her movements because she knew how much they were satisfying me. How content I was becoming. I feel her fingers sink into me, her tongue still rippling against me and let out an involuntary moan, my fingers gripping the bed sheets as the heat rises.

"You tell me." The words leave her mouth, momentarily letting her mouth rise, before falling again.

"More." I dare to plead with her, as her movements quicken in time with my breathing rate. "Oh God..." I swallow, squeezing my eyes shut. My mouth falls open, unable to keep myself quiet, giving in to her as I widen my legs, my head falling back against the pillows. My fingers tighten slightly around her hair, the other hand squeezing my breast as I trail my nail around my nipple, adding to the pleasure. "I love you." I cry loudly as I move my hips in time with her motions, gasping as I feel the intensity build, biting down on my lip and arching my back as waves of indulgence ripple through my body. "Mm." I moan, as I climax, releasing around her, my breathing ragged as I soak up the pleasure, the feeling of her against me.

"Ok?" She whispers gently, opening my eyes to realise she had crept back up to face me, her soft hair tickling my cheek as I nod, breathlessly. "You alright?" She laughs lightly and I grab the pillow, hitting her with it and trying to keep the satisfied smile off my face. "Oi! I just did you a favour, clearly."

"A favour." I scoff, throwing a wipe at her to clean up. "Shut up."

"It's a good job my ring is on the left-"

"Shut up!" I yell playfully, pushing her over and she giggles, pulling me down to kiss her. "Your turn. I'll get you back. I promise."


	14. Adoration

_**A/N: Ok so two things, I'm falling behind a bit with this fic because I'm lacking in ideas of where to take it. Since it's supposed to roughly follow the storylines of the show, I'm a bit worried it won't fit in once the fall-out happens. However, I did have the idea of bringing Ali into this fic so if people do want me to continue it, that's a route I could go down. Also, I'm not keen on how the show seem to have miraculously made Carla better following major surgery, there's been no real mention of follow up appointments, medication etc, so I'm trying to incorporate it into this, hence the first scene. I did want to adapt the Sally house viewing scene though, but don't want to make it seem like I've forgotten about the operation or storyline, there will be a lot more about that and (yay...) another hospital scene in the next chapter for the follow up appointment mentioned in this one. Thanks to all those still reviewing, I really appreciate it!**_

 **Chapter 14:**

 **Michelle**

"Morning." I feel Carla stir in my chest, lowering my phone as I look at her. "You feeling alright?"

"...No." She groans, resting her face against me as I move my fingers comfortingly in my hair. "Painkillers."

"Here you go." I pass them to her along with a glass of water as she sits herself up.

"I feel exhausted." She sighs, swallowing them back and reaching for her medication. "What time did I go to bed?"

"Like ten, sweetheart, you were shattered."

"I've slept for a solid ten hours and I'm still knackered." She lowers the glass of water after taking her medication and slips back under the covers. "Mm I don't want to move."

"Well it's normal, after your nature of operation." I try to soothe her. "You're not going to be up to running around the cobbles just yet."

"I feel sick."

"It's your meds." I read the back of the packet. "You almost forgot to take these last night babe, it's really important you remember."

"I know I know." She closes her eyes, mumbling to herself and beginning to recite the back of the packet. "'You should never stop taking your anti-rejection medication no matter how good you feel and even if you think your transplanted kidney is working well'."

"Ok." I stop her.

"Well I don't feel good today." She sits herself up. "I'm going to be sick."

"Bathroom." I tell her, as she's already out the door, stating the plainly obvious as if she wasn't aware. I kneel down beside her as she heaves into the toilet bowl, gathering her hair and holding it back behind her.

"Sorry." She finally mutters, as I stroke a finger up and down her arm supportively. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising." I sigh, moving my hand to rub her back as she spits into the basin. "It's a common side effect. Your body is battling the kidney and the medication is trying to stop that. It's going to have these kinds of impacts."

"You've done your research." She sits back against the bath, her skin pale and clammy as I raise a hand to her forehead, flushing the toilet.

"Yeah well, I care too much, guilty as charged."

"I don't think there's such thing as caring too much." She closes her eyes. "Michelle I feel awful."

"Did you expect everything to go back to normal?" I ask her gently and she shakes her head. "It's going to take getting used to. You'll have good days and you'll have bad days but, Carla, your body is under a massive strain, don't try to push it to do too much."

"I just don't like lazing around doing nothing all the time."

"I know, sweetheart." I sigh, reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "But it will be worth it. It's better to take care of yourself now, than need to further down the line."

"Can I have a hug?"

"Hm." I tilt my head to the side before pulling her in, her head falling onto my shoulder. "Like you need to ask."

"Can we stay in today?" She muffles into my shoulder as I run my fingers through her hair.

"Well I'm supposed to be seeing a client about their wedding on Tuesday." I tell her. "Considering it's the only job I've got left. But I can call it off for you."

"Oh, no. If you have to work-"

"You're my top priority." I whisper soothingly and she settles again. "I told you. Anything you need, I'm there."

* * *

 **Carla**

"Michelle Connor I'll go back to men if it takes you this long to get ready." I shout, leaning against the wall outside the flat, as an old man I hadn't seen pacing the corridor turns to stare at me. "...Hello." I mutter, as he walks off, leaving me to cough awkwardly.

"You do realise I heard that from my floor?" Aidan rounds the corner and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Well she's taking forever."

"I would have warned you." He shrugs. "If you'd have asked."

"I don't need your advice on women, thank you." I elbow him gently. "Michelle?"

"Yes, I'm coming." She rolls her eyes, closing the door to the flat and I practically drag her down the corridor, following after Aidan. "Alright, I'm sure Roy won't sell out of coffee sweetheart."

"Oh is that where you're off to?" Aidan holds the door open for us as we exit, the breeze hitting us as we head towards Roy's, my hand linked with Michelle's. "Alright for the pair of you, isn't it?"

"Yeah and it got even better the other night." I hold my spare hand out in front of him. "Like my new ring?"

"Very classy." Aidan admires it, as a van pulls up next to us. "You did some celebrating then?"

"Well... Yeah if you want to put it that way."

"Ok, too much information thank you." He covers his ears and I laugh, as my eyes move to where Sally is running after the van that has parked up. "I've got to love you and leave you." Aidan kisses my cheek. "Take care."

"No, I said Coronation Street." Sally is shouting and I lean back against the wall, observing, after waving Aidan off. "Not Victoria Street, it's round there."

"Well I've only come to drop this off." The man chews on his gum, jotting something down on his notepad, not bothering to look at her as he hands her a 'for sale' sign.

"Oh I didn't realise you were moving, Sal." I narrow my eyes.

"You're turning into Norris." Michelle nudges me and I shoot her a look.

"Oh well it's all quite a spur of the moment thing really." She looks delighted I had started a conversation with her. "With Tim being promoted and my mayoral duties excelling, we thought maybe we'd make a fresh start."

"Promoted? He's a window cleaner... How do you get promoted?"

"Well yes but... Anyway, you're not looking for a new place are you?"

"Us? Oh, no." I shake my head abruptly, trying not to laugh at the idea. "We've just moved back into my old flat."

"Well actually." Michelle pulls the brochure from Sally's hand and I frown at her. "We were looking to branch out a little."

"Branch out?" I hiss. "Think we've done enough of that."

"Well you keep that, I've got plenty more." Sally preens and I raise my eyebrows, folding my arms. "I best... Take this." She holds up the sign. "Lovely to see you both looking so happy... And congratulations on your news. As a keen supporter of the Weatherfield LGBT community, I-"

"Bye, Sal." I push Michelle into Roy's and she erupts in laughter, throwing the brochure down on the counter. "What are you playing at? You must be bored."

"Oh come on, it'll be fun." She flicks through the pages, as Roy turns to us.

"What will?" I question her, as she taps the page with Sally's house on.

"Going to view it." She nudges me and I scoff, waving to Roy momentarily. "Come on, we've got nothing to do all day."

"I can think of better things to do than tour around Sally Metcalfe's home." I lower my voice slightly and she flashes me a seductive look. "Morning Roy. Get back okay?"

"It was a rather disconcerted journey back but I'm sure you don't wish me to relay it in such detail." He explains. "My mother on the other hand, will live to fight another day."

"Ah, never mind." I let out a small laugh, as Michelle throws her head back to look at me, hair falling down her back as I kiss her forehead. "Mm."

"You two seem very content." Roy observes, as I lean forwards on the counter. "I hear congratulations are in order."

"Ah, who told you?" I am slightly gutted that it had been revealed before I had the chance to see his expression myself.

"Shona." He replies. "And the ring on your finger."

"Ooh, do you like it?"

"Very nice." He seems slightly tense and my eyes dart across to connect with Michelle's momentarily.

"How does Shona know anyway?"

"Maria told David... But I'm not one to gossip." He stops himself, watching us intently. "I must say I'm rather surprised."

"Well, I think everyone is." I shrug. "Including us."

"Yeah I've had my doubts." Michelle adds, weighing up the food on the counter before her.

"It's all very... Progressive." He initiates and I try to ignore the fact he seemed cold on the idea.

"Yeah well, love her don't I?" I flick my head around to face Michelle, who smiles as I peck her on the lips. "We're not looking at making any plans anytime soon are we?"

"No just..." She trails off, pointing to a butty in the fridge. "What's in that?"

"Cheddar and sun-dried tomato." Roy responds, not alarmed by her change in subject.

"Not keen on sun-dried tomato." She screws her nose up and he opens his mouth to say something, before looking back at me.

"I've forgotten to ask how you're feeling?"

"Yeah I'm good." I assure him, before running my fingers through Michelle's hair. "Today, anyway. It's a good day."

"Well, you've had a couple of rough days this past week, but you're getting there." Michelle adds, gazing at me lovingly.

"And she's been waiting on me hand and foot." I tap her hand. "Listen babe why don't you get a table and I'll be over in a sec?"

"Yeah alright." She pulls her phone out, sitting down at a table in the window and I lean forwards on the counter.

"Are you okay about... The engagement?"

"It's not my place to make an observation." He just replies, beginning to make my coffee.

"It is when I care what you think."

"It's your decision."

"Roy." I stop him. "I love her, I want to be with her. All of this, my illness, it's made me realise that."

"Please don't feel like you need to provide any kind of justification, as long as you're happy, Carla."

"I am happy." I assure him and he finally meets my gaze, handing me two cups of coffee.

"I can tell." He manages a small smile and I return it, before going over to the table.

"All sorted." Michelle lowers her phone on to the table.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to him about-"

"No, I mean, all sorted." She taps her phone. "We're going to view the house at one today."

"Michelle!" I snap, a lighthearted twinge to my voice. "Why?"

"It'll be funny." She shrugs and I narrow my eyes.

"As soon as Underworld is open again you're going straight back to work." I tell her. "You're far too bored... Oh well, at least it'll distract me from my appointment on Friday."

"I thought we weren't going to talk about that today?" She reaches out to run a finger along my jaw line. "We said we wouldn't do anything too strenuous."

"Chelle, Sally Metcalfe's house tour sounds like the definition of strenuous."

"Ok, ok." She picks her phone back up and I snatch it off her. "What? I'm phoning the estate agent."

"Well it's booked now." I shrug and she grins in response.

* * *

"So that's the conservatory." Sally announces in the same sickly professional tone I was unfortunately familiar with.

"We have heard you mention it once or twice in the past, yeah." Michelle takes the liberty of closing the door, thoroughly enjoying winding her up.

"I've always wanted a conservatory." I play along, flicking through another brochure she had piled into my hand on entry.

"Well that's south facing. So it gets the sun every morning." She points towards it excitedly and I raise my eyebrows at Michelle. "I can just see you both sat out there with your croissants and your Americano's." I notice Michelle grin at me and I refuse the urge to elbow her. "Flicking through all the Sunday magazines."

"On a weekend?" Michelle pipes up and I turn my head to smile at her. "You're joking aren't you? We don't get out of bed before three-"

"Michelle!" I hiss, as I see Sally's cheeks flush slightly. "Don't be so cheeky." I nudge her and she rolls her eyes, trying not to laugh. "...We had a lie-in the other day until two o'clock in the afternoon, that's all."

"That's one way of putting it." She mutters under her breath and I shoot her a look, as she flicks the hair back off her shoulder.

"...You work very hard." Sally tries to excuse us.

"Yeah well you'd think I'd been drowning puppies." I manage to beat Michelle to it before she could expose us any further. She shoots me a sarcastic smile and I lose my focus for a moment, gazing at her lips.

"...How's your um... Kidney?" Sally tries to break the silence and I snap back to reality, going to say something before there is a clatter on the stairs.

"Mum, Rosie thought Ryan-air was a person!"

"No, I didn't!" There is a cry from upstairs and Sally immediately looks mortified.

"Excuse me!" She snaps, under her breath, as Sophie meets our gazes. "Can't you see I'm showing people round?"

"Sorry, hello." She smiles sweetly and Michelle greets her, before Sally puts her arm around her shoulders proudly.

"...Sophie's a lesbian." Sally tries to broach and I nod, knowingly.

"Mum!" Sophie hisses.

"Sophie's lesbian partner Sian lived here with us for a while, didn't she Sophie?"

"Uh... Yeah." Sophie frowns.

"I'm aware." Michelle coughs awkwardly at the mention of Sian and Sophie elbows Sally harshly, as she remembers.

"...Well you could make a bit more conversation." Sally pesters her and Sophie raises her eyebrows. "Do you know? They've got a combined age of fifty but they carry on like they're Ruby and Hope."

"I'll leave you to it." She flashes us an apologetic look, moving towards the door and I smile in her direction as she leaves.

"Ah, they're a credit to you, Sal." I observe, making an honest remark for a change.

"Well this is a lovely house to bring up children." She adds, without thinking and we both cough awkwardly, as I stare down at the house on the front of the leaflet I am gripping. "If you both... Choose to."

"Well..." Michelle dares to look at me, trying not to be phased by her comment. "We'll need a mower, won't we?"

"Oh." I finally look up at her, the word still playing on our minds as we wait for Sally to cut the silence again.

"Well you know, it doesn't take very long. Only five minutes." She informs us, clearly not picking up on the atmosphere. "In fact, I could leave you both my mower, depending on where I'm going to."

"Ha." Michelle has to force back as her mouth falls open, almost choking on laughter as I shake my head at her, a smile creeping across my face.

"Right, shall we have a little look upstairs?" She begins to head in the direction she is indicating.

"Yeah, do lead on." I manage to muster the words, closing my eyes as Michelle erupts in giggles as soon as she has disappeared from earshot. I slap her playfully on the arm, progressively disliking her more for this idea. She laughs more as I grab her hand, dragging her behind me, kissing the back of my head as I spin around to peck her on the lips.

"Are you on your way-"

"Yep." I pull away, biting my lip as Michelle laughs again, allowing me to drag her up the staircase.

* * *

"Just imagine us with our Americano's." I bite my lip, gazing at Michelle as I hold the door open to the Rovers for her, before hanging off her shoulder as we approach the bar. "And a croissant." I bury my head in her shoulder and she laughs, kissing he side of my head.

"Flicking through the Sunday magazines." She imitates flirtatiously in my ear and I slap her cheek very gently as she kisses me, wrapping her arms around my neck as we rest against the bar.

"It's not the Moulin Rouge." I hear a bitter voice and snap my head around to face Peter.

"Did I order your opinion?" I raise my eyebrows, as Michelle retracts herself from me, leaning forwards on the bar. "I'll have an orange juice and a red wine instead, please."

"Ok." He just responds bluntly, watching us for a moment as if we were about to do something shifty.

"Oh... What is that woman like?" I laugh again, choosing to ignore him as he finally moves away and Michelle glares in his direction before I nudge her, diverting her attention back to me.

"That wallpaper upstairs." She flicks her head back, as I dip my head, giggling at the thought.

"We shouldn't have done that though." I try to reason with her and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh, well it was funny."

"It was silly." I correct her, as she stares ahead, smiling slightly at the thought which is annoyingly attractive.

"She genuinely thought we were interested." She turns her head back to me, her eyes sparkling.

"Yes I know, I shouldn't have let you talk me into it."

"Like I twisted your arm!" She grabs my waist, moving her head towards mine playfully and I shake my head at her, my eyes darting up to meet hers.

"You did."

"No I didn't." She lowers her tone.

"You can be very persuasive when you want to be." I hush and she bites her lip, her gaze shifting to my lips before there is a loud clunk on the bar top.

"Five sixty five." Peter's gruff tone sounds again and I don't remove myself from Michelle, instead just flicking my head around to face him.

"Keep the change." I take one hand off her head to push the ten pound note towards him. "Have one for yourself."

"No thanks." He just mutters, chewing on a cocktail stick as he leans against the spirits at the back, trying not to make it obvious that he was staring at us.

"Well he's bitter." Michelle pulls a face and I shrug, kissing her for a moment.

"Oh I need a job." I pull back, taking a sip of my drink. "Or a life."

"You have a life." She looks partially offended as she drinks from her glass and I narrow my eyes at her.

"We need a life." I include her and she laughs to herself. "I mean, looking around people's houses for a laugh, what's it come to?"

"Yeah I'm beginning to think unemployment may not be for me." She groans, before smiling again and I wait for yet another jokey remark. "Oh what about the chocolates on the pillows?"

"Oh Sal." I burst out laughing at the thought. "Hey, take notes, you. I never get chocolates on my pillows."

"There's not time for chocolates on pillows." She smirks to herself seductively and I chew on my straw as I watch her. "'Sophie's a lesbian'."

"Oh don't even get me started." I laugh. "I mean, how many times did she want to mention how 'cool' with it she is."

"Oh I don't know." She sighs, as I lean my head on my folded arms and she moves her fingers to my hair, playing with it absentmindedly. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, fine." I roll my head over to look at her. "I did have a laugh, thank you. Although I don't think it's done my stitches any good."

"It's good to laugh." She reassures me, and I smile up at her, pulling on the fur of her jacket so her head dips to meet mine.

"Ooh, oh alright." Aidan's voice sounds and I reluctantly pull away, my eyes connecting with Peter's for a moment. "It's not the moulin rouge."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I frown, as he steps between us, Kate joining him.

"Because you're all over each other." He teases, squeezing Michelle's cheeks playfully and she fends him off.

"Inseparable." Kate nudges me and I ruffle her hair which she immediately rejects, trying to straighten it out again. "You'll be fed up of each other in a week."

"Well, maybe not at this rate." Aidan shrugs, the same look clouding his eyes that always appears when he's about to deliver 'exciting' news. "I've just been for a meeting with Pat Phelan at the factory, it's all coming along really well. With any luck, the building work will be finished by next week?"

"Next week?" I repeat in surprise, realising how refreshing the words were, despite wanting to sell the factory completely a few months back and wanting nothing to do with it. But the place was my home, my project for years on end, one I took great pride in building up, regardless of the knock backs.

"Well that's good news." Michelle taps my arm, as I bring myself back to reality. "So when are we going to be opening?"

"We?" Aidan repeats, narrowing his eyes slightly and Michelle falls silent, giving me an awkward look, before Aidan starts to laugh. "I'm winding you up, I guessed you'd be coming back to work there, now you've dumped all the other business owners."

"Shut it, you." Michelle kicks him playfully, as I put my arm around Kate.

"I'll even let you have first dibs on which machine you use-"

"Oh Aidan." I roll my eyes and Michelle shoots him an unimpressed look. "Hey, is it safe to go over there?"

"Well I've been there this morning, so." Aidan shrugs and she switches her gaze to me. "I haven't seen any health and safety notices."

"We need to sort decor." I decide, glancing at Michelle. "Might give us something to do."

"Oh don't reveal to everyone how boring our life is." She nudges me playfully and I smile, resisting the urge to kiss her again, studying how perfectly her lips settled, the slight shimmer of her green eyes, the silkiness of her chestnut hair that elegantly lined her face. "Babe?"

"Yeah?" I snap out of my trance and her smile broadens slightly.

"Kate's talking to you." She prompts me softly, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear that had fallen across my face as I blush.

"Oh, sorry." I try to compose myself as I look back at where Kate is studying me with a cocky gaze, her eyes darting to Michelle. "What?"

"I said I've brought you these." She hands me a pile of wedding magazines. "I stupidly signed up to receive them seasonally when I was engaged to Caz and I have no use for them, so."

"Well why don't you just cancel the subscription?" I study them excitedly, despite the fact we had said we would move slowly.

"Ah, it's kind of entertaining flicking through them." Kate shrugs, as I run my finger over the pages, before lowering her voice. "Pretending you're not in an extremely complicated relationship and it's all happily ever afters."

"You do remember that Michelle is a wedding planner?" Aidan reminds her. "And Carla's had about fifty weddings, I think they know what they're doing."

"Shut it." I slap him on he arm gently. "That's not the point anyway. Thank you sweetheart."

 **Michelle**

"They're making good progress." I scan the shop floor, making a mental note of where machines would soon be, as I was sure Carla was as well. I turn to look at her, seeing how she was leant up against the window of the office, watching me. "What?

"You're gorgeous." She admits, pushing herself forwards and moving in to kiss me once she has reached me. She pushes me back against the staircase, my back colliding with the cool metal, kissing her passionately. "Here?" I mumble through kisses and she nods, letting out a low hum which was somewhat arousing enough to create a tingling wetness between my legs. I feel her pull me, moving backwards a few paces before falling against the door to the office, as she pulls her top up over her head. I intensify the passion, not even taking the time to tease how clearly turned on she was.

She grabs the hem of my top, pulling it up and smoothly unclipping my bra, discarding it on the floor. Her hands move down to my jeans, sliding them down my legs as I do so with her skirt, my hand brushing her thigh which makes her shiver. "I want you." I murmur, grabbing her hand placing it against me, moving her fingers in circular motions. I throw my head back, a pleasurable groan leaving my mouth as I let my hand fall away, allowing her to take over.

My legs weaken and she holds me upright, pushing me back against the desk which I allow myself to fall back on to, meeting her gaze momentarily.

"Please." I beg her and she grins softly for a moment, kissing down my body. "Carla please, I'm really..."

"Really what?" She just mumbles without looking up, as she reaches the base of my stomach. "Oh right."

"Don't." I warn her, having to move my hand down to control my urges. I move my fingers against me for a moment, my eyes closing as she just watches me, running her hand up and down my thigh. I open my eyes to see how she is watching me, her gaze so lustful.

"So you're just gonna do it yourself?" Her voice is surprisingly serious and I swallow, nodding as our eyes meet and she bites down on her lip, watching me. "...Well that's turning me on."

"Mm." I pull on her, as her fingers meet mine, finally pleasuring me at last. "More please, more." I stupidly beg her, not even caring how needy I sounded. She continues to stare at me as my grip tightens on her back, letting out a loud groan.

"Shh..." She whispers and I shake my head.

"No." I say louder than expected and it makes her laugh softly, as I spread my legs wider across the desk, allowing her to enter me.

"Aidan better never find out about this." She whispers in my ear, as my breathing deepens, the intensity of the pleasure building as I feel her inside me.

"Obviously." I just smile against her, pulling her chin down to kiss me.

"You've wanted this all day."

"And you haven't?" The words cut short in my throat, as I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to conceal the moan that escapes my lips. I try to hold back my climax and fail as her moves intensify, arching my back slightly as I release against her. She kisses along my jawline, listening to my shallow breaths and breathing them into her own as she reaches my lips. She moves her fingers to her mouth momentarily, which deepens my desire to make her feel all the same sensations.

I stand up, moving her back against the filing cabinet and dropping so my head was level with her crotch, moving in to wind my fingers under the lace of her underwear. Her fingers fall to my hair, massaging my scalp as I trail her underwear down her legs, my tongue meeting the warmth above it.

"Chelle." I hear a soft whisper, smiling to myself as I wind my tongue around her. My fingers join it, and I hear her pant breathily as her head falls back against the metal. The grip in my hair intensifies as my actions do, listening to the sounds involuntarily escaping her lips. I close my eyes, relishing the taste of her, the sounds of pleasure like sweet music as she climaxes against me, her head falling forwards. My eyes glide upwards to meet hers, the dark hair falling around her shoulders, pure love in her expression as I clean her up, before moving up to kiss her. We taste each other as our lips collide, the sweetness of lust and adoration.

"I mean it, nobody ever finds out." She tries to catch her breath and I dip my eyes slightly.

"I promise." I smile, kissing her cheek, her forehead, her chin. Taking in everything about her; the way her eyes sparkled following the depth of her emotion. "You're beautiful."

 **Carla**

"It's open." I yell, exhaustion preventing me from even raising my head from Michelle's lap, as there is a knock on the door. I suspected it was Aidan, as he hadn't had the need to ring the buzzer.

"That's nice." Michelle points to the headband in the bridal magazine I was flicking through, just for casual reasons, of course.

"Mm." I close my eyes, wondering if I'd imagined the sound at the door. "I said you can come in!"

"Oh, sorry." I hear Roy's voice and immediately feel bad for shouting, as he enters, strangely, with Brian, Cathy and Mary.

"Oh... Hello." I sit myself up awkwardly, glancing around the array of visitors that I hadn't anticipated would ever be present in my flat. "Evening."

"I did suggest they waited outside." Roy looks awkward, as Mary moves to the kitchen to inspect our designer mugs that were out on the side. "We are about to embark upon a trip to the theatre, you see-"

"Oh, we're busy." I try to cover, momentarily thinking up another excuse in my head, before he frowns in confusion.

"Oh no, that wasn't why I was here." Roy stops me and I flash Michelle a relieved glance. "I uh, wanted to apologise for my lack of enthusiasm towards your news earlier on. I fear I may have been a little hostile towards the idea."

"It's alright." I force a smile, very aware that Brian and Cathy were talking in hushed whispers by the door.

"Yeah Roy, really, you're the last person we'd expect an apology from." Michelle stands up, leaning back against the sofa as I make no effort to move. "I really appreciate everything you've done for Carla."

"You make it sound like I'm some pet he's had to take care of." I shoot her a look and she rolls her eyes.

"Well... Despite my usual dislike towards the commercialisation of doing so, I came to give you this card." He holds it out to Michelle. "Not to mention the destruction of rainforest that is happening as we speak, as a result of such a-"

"Roy." Cathy places a hand on his shoulder and he immediately stops talking, as a small smile crosses my cheeks.

"Ah, thank you." Michelle opens the envelope, smiling at the card and the message inside before handing it to me. "That means a lot."

"Oh you're a sweetheart." I hold my arms out to him. "Come here." He awkwardly leans down as I kiss his cheek, before pulling away and studying us for a moment.

"Well, I can tell you're... Busy..." He indicates. "The bus is due to arrive in seven minutes, we really should depart now."

"Six minutes and forty seconds." Brian checks his watch and I raise my eyebrows as they all begin to leave.

"Wow." I mutter to Michelle, positioning the card on the coffee table, as she comes to sit back down next to me. "Promise me something?"

"Anything." She puts her arm around me, kissing the top of my head.

"We'll never get to the point where we're hanging around with people like that, will we?"

"I don't know, you're already picking up some of Roy's tendencies." She shrugs and my eyes widen, staring at her for a moment before she bursts into laughter.

"Stop it." I slap her gently, before kissing her, falling back onto the sofa and lowering my head into her chest again.


	15. Biology

**Chapter 15:**

 **Trigger Warning: Sexual content.**

 **Michelle**

"Well I wasn't expecting that when I woke up." I stroke my fingers through Carla's hair as she bites her lip gently, her eyes flickering down to my lips. "Not that I'm complaining..." I kiss her softly for a moment, guiding my other hand up her naked arm, goosebumps prickling as they follow after it. "You're cold. And quiet."

"That's not because I'm cold." She says so gently I hang off her every word.

"How are you feeling about today?"

"Mm." She just swallows, closing her eyes momentarily.

"Well I'm pushing this meeting with a client forward to ten so I'll be able to pick you up-"

"No, no." She raises a finger to my lips. "Don't do that. Honestly, I'll be fine with Aidan."

"Babe, I want to be there for you."

"Well then you can cook me dinner when I get back." She smiles slightly, despite my ability to notice the cracks that lay behind it, as she twirls her finger around my chest. "Please don't mess your business around because of this appointment. It'll all be fine."

"Yes, it will be." I assure her and she swallows. "It will be." I kiss her again. "That's a promise."

* * *

"Mm." I feel Carla's head tuck into my shoulder, as she stands on her tiptoes, linking her arms around my waist. I close my eyes for a moment, absorbing the kisses she is placing into my skin. "Hey sorry about earlier, I guess I woke up a little... Aroused."

"Yeah you could say that." I smile to myself. "It's better than you waking up and running to the bathroom... Oh wait you did go to the bathroom a short while after-"

"Yeah that was for a completely different reason." She tells me and I bite my lip at the thought. "It's your fault I made a mess."

"Stop that." I hush and she laughs quietly, running her fingers in circular motions around my stomach.

"I'm sorry for what Sally said yesterday about children." The words fall out of her mouth and I know she regrets it as soon as they do. I turn to face her, turning the hob off momentarily. "I just mean... She doesn't think."

"She was only trying to be nice." I manage a smile, as she twirls a strand of my hair around her finger. "It's not your fault, is it?"

"Well no but..." She trails off, meeting my gaze and I watch her adoringly.

"Kiss me." I pull her in and she smiles slightly as my lips connect with hers.

"If you insist." She mumbles into me and I tap her bum lightly, which she giggles at. "I'm feeling quite positive about this appointment today."

"Yeah?" I reply softly, guiding my hand up her arm and she nods. "Well, you're getting better. It's upwards from here."

"Let's hope." She bites her lip, and I kiss her again before turning back to the hob. "My domesticated girlfriend."

"Well I'm practicing." I laugh, as she places kisses against my neck. "Practicing being a dutiful wife... Stop that."

"No." She laughs against my skin. "Wife." She repeats gently, even though my remark was partly a joke. "Come back to bed."

"Uh, I'm making breakfast, you're supposed to leave soon for your appointment." I don't know why I am making excuses, but I dare to look at her all the same. "I've got work..."

"Mm." She moves in to kiss me, moving down to my neck. "Yeah keep trying to resist me."

"You're very full of yourself." I tease her, as she moves back up to nibble on my bottom lip, which sends sparks down my spine. "Did this morning not fill your needs?"

"Yeah." She whispers against me and I swallow, feeling her fingers graze their way up my leg, slipping beneath the material of my dressing down. "You can never have too much of a good thing."

"Is that what I am?" I whisper, receiving her kisses and returning them passionately. "A good thing?"

"A very good thing." She meets my gaze for a moment, as I jump up onto the kitchen counter. She pulls my head down to kiss her, my hair tickling her cheek.

"I see." She nods smartly and I bite my lip, pulling on the knot of my dressing gown and allowing it to fall around me as she eyes me up. "You like different places, don't you, Michelle Connor?"

"A bit of variety." I shrug, and she smiles slightly, moving in to kiss my nipple, gently sucking on it as her fingers trail down my figure. I throw my head back slightly, placing a hand on the back of her head and staring at the ceiling. I feel her kisses move down my flesh, gracing my stomach, falling just below.

"Am I still full of myself?" She murmurs against me and I move my head back down, watching how she was looking up at me.

"Yeah." I nod, as she kisses my sensitive spot teasingly. "But you have every right to be."

"That's a clever answer." She mumbles, as her tongue flicks against me and I let out a sigh, my hand returning to her hair and playing with it absentmindedly. "I'll reward you."

"Thanks." I manage a small laugh, as she slips herself into me and I close my eyes at the contact. I spread my legs wider on the counter, allowing her to move in to pleasure me with her tongue, winding it around as her fingers circulate me. "You're good." I tell her quietly, trying to contain myself, as I gently grip her hair, letting it slip through my fingers again. "Mm." I swallow, unable to conceal some of the noises I was urging to release.

"Why are you trying to be quiet?" She asks, without stopping her movements and I pause for a moment, trying to catch a breath to answer her.

"Because..." Is all I finish with, as she laughs gently, causing butterflies to erupt at the noise. Her movements quicken and I bite my lip, squeezing my eyes shut before giving up and releasing a long moan. I progressively increase my dynamics as her actions do so, mirroring my pleasure, as I grip the back of her head. "My God."

"That's better." She sounds satisfied at my sexual weakness, the slip of the barrier and exposure of my pleasure.

 **Carla**

"So, how have you both been doing?" Dr Mackenzie asks as I take a seat next to Aidan.

"Well I've been alright, especially recently." Aidan begins. "There was quite a bit of tiredness the first few days but yeah, I'm up and about again."

"That's excellent. The tiredness might come and go, it's only natural. Your body is adjusting to the sudden change and trying to work around that. But if you've been on the move often, that's always a good sign. It's good to introduce normality back into the system." She smiles at him, turning to me. "Carla?"

"Uh, yeah, well I mean, there's been quite a bit of nausea, a few days where I've felt really yuk." I try to explain. "But overall, I've been a lot better than I thought I'd be. I was expecting to be bed ridden for weeks."

"Well your blood samples have come back good." She informs us. "There's a slight loss of iron in yours Carla, so you need to make sure you're eating good portions of meat, beans, pulses, nuts."

"Right." I make a mental note. "...Is that worrying, the iron thing?"

"It's quite normal." She reassures me. "As your body is getting used to your new kidney, the nutrients gain more of a value in order for your body to function correctly. Think of it like a new kid in a class, it'll fit in eventually, it just needs a helping hand first."

"And the nausea?" I smile slightly at her metaphor. "Is that..."

"Again, perfectly normal." She nods. "In fact I'd be worried if there wasn't any. I won't lie, it could take a few weeks before that completely goes away but, everything your body is going through, it's a good sign. From what I see from your bloods, your brother here has provided you with a brilliant match. It's settling in well."

"Thank you." I glance at Aidan, who puts his arm around my shoulders, kissing the side of my head.

"I take it you're still living with your girlfriend?" She assumes.

"Yeah." I hold my hand up. "Fiancée now."

"Oh congratulations." A look of joy appears in her expression. "Every cloud, hey."

"Yeah, it wasn't the most romantic of proposals." Aidan laughs and I nudge him. "In a hospital bed."

"I give you points for originality." She says warmly. "If you have any concerns at all. Please don't be afraid to book a sooner appointment. I'll book you both in again for more blood tests in two weeks, just so we can monitor things."

"And... That's it?" I ask, surprised. "Wow. I had myself worked up for this."

"It's not as scary as it seems." Doctor Mackenzie smiles. "You've done the hard part, and like I say, it seems everything is going smoothly so just continue to take things easy."

"Great. Thank you." Aidan stands up, shaking her hand and I do the same before following him out. "Ok?"

"Yeah." I nod as he puts his arm around me, tucking me into his side. "That all sounds positive."

"See? I told you everything would be ok."

"Aidan you've saved my life." I turn my head to look at him, as we exit the hospital. "I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you."

"So you've said." He nudges me. "You probably would be. You're a fighter, you... That doctor's hot."

"Yeah I know." I smirk to myself and he laughs, playfully elbowing me. "Don't tell Michelle I said that."

* * *

"So? How did it go?" Michelle's voice fills my ears and I look up from where I was flicking through a bridal magazine with Kate, Aidan sipping on an orange juice as he chats to Imran, who had for some reason joined our booth.

"Uh." I tap my lips and she rolls her eyes, kissing me quickly.

"Move up." She nudges me and I smile as I shift up, allowing her to sit down next to me. "How was the appointment?"

"Yeah all clear. Everything's fine." I assure her and she sighs with relief.

"Uh, except her iron levels are slightly low." Aidan points out and I raise my eyebrows at him. "Well she needs to know if you've got her doing the cooking."

"Is that anything to worry about?" Michelle frets, gazing at me and I shake my head.

"Apparently not." I run a hand through her hair briefly. "Drink?"

"I'll get it." She squeezes my hand, standing up and heading to the bar.

"So, now that's all over with, we can start looking forward." I tell Aidan. "So we all set for opening on Friday? Machinists on board?"

"All except Sean, who's got a new job as a receptionist." He tells me. "And Eva, obviously."

"So that's... Beth, Izzy, Sinead-"

"Sarah!" I hear Michelle scream, as there is a smash and my head flicks around to face the scene at the bar. I instantly get up when I see smashed glass on the bar top, with blood streaming from Michelle's hand.

"Oh God... I'm so sorry." Sarah frets, and I glare at her as I gently take Michelle's hand, studying the cut. "I don't know what's wrong with me today."

"What happened?" Liz snaps, approaching Sarah from behind the bar and staring at her disapprovingly.

"She pushed it into the drip tray without looking and it fell." Michelle explains, as I grab a tea towel from further up the bar, wrapping it around her hand.

"I'm so sorry." Sarah frets.

"It's fine." Michelle sighs, as the blood begins to seep through the material.

"It's not fine." I tell her. "Medical centre now."

"Oh uh..." Liz begins. "Before you do that-"

"Carla, I really don't think-"

"Michelle." I order and she raises her eyebrows. "Come on."

 **Michelle**

I grip the tea towel to my hand, trying to evaporate the searing sting that was pulsating from it.

"Service is awful in here today." Carla voices, leaning back against the wall.

"It's not a fast food restaurant." I almost laugh, noticing how she was so effortlessly calming me.

"How is it?" She approaches me, gently taking my hand in hers and I watch her, as she lifts her head to meet my gaze.

"Oh uh, Michelle?" I hear Liz's voice, as the door opens to the consultation room. "I was about to tell you-"

"Can I help anyone?" I familiar voice sounds. It was so poignant. Where had I heard it before? I peer around Liz, coming face to face with complete shock.

I stare at him for a moment, bewildered and confused, before managing to take a step forwards. "It's you."

"Yeah... Uh." He nods, moving his head downwards to avoid my gaze. "I'll get someone else to see you."

"Wait." Carla stops him, narrowing her eyes as she tries to figure out who he is, having vaguely familiarised him with someone. "Why can't you?"

"Well... Because I'm on my lunch break." His voice sounds so gruff and uncaring, it brings tears to my eyes. "And I've got a really... Lovely sandwich in there, so... See you around."

"Oi." She steps closer to him, and he stops, raising his eyebrows at her. "She's got a bad cut."

"She'll live." He dismisses, as I close my eyes, forcing tears away.

"You what?" Carla snaps, preparing to have a showdown at my defence and I pull her back with my spare hand. "...Where have I seen you before?"

"Carla, leave it-"

"No." She studies him. "Who are you?"

"Well, you're going to be really glad you asked that Carla." He mutters and her eyes widen at the recollection of her name. "Because, well..." He glances at me. "Do you want to tell her? Or shall I?"

"He's my son." I reveal, and Carla gazes at me in shock, staring back at him as the face comes back to her.

 **Carla**

"Nice shower?" I ask, as the bathroom door clicks and Michelle emerges, hair up and makeup off, with her lilac dressing gown around her. She shrugs slightly, forcing a weak smile before sitting down on the sofa. "Babe." I begin, standing up and going over to her, as she sits crossed legged, facing me. "It might just be shock, I mean, he hasn't seen you for, how long?"

"Almost ten years." She admits, flicking through a magazine absentmindedly, until I lift her chin so her gaze fixes on mine. "May as well have been talking to a robot."

"I'm sorry." I stroke a hand through her hair and her face softens slightly as she shrugs.

"Well, don't be." She mumbles, closing her eyes momentarily at the sensation of my fingers in her hair, as she moves to rest her head on my shoulder. "If Ali doesn't want anything to do with me, that's his choice and I have to respect that, haven't I?" She looks across at me, her eyes settling on my thoughtful expression. "What?"

"Well..." I begin, trying to phrase it gently. "If I'm honest, I'm surprised you're chucking in the towel so soon."

"I can't make him like me, can I? There's obviously not a connection."

"Chelle, you're his mum."

"No, I'm his biological mum." She sits up. "He doesn't even know me."

"Wrong, he doesn't know you yet." I swallow, tilting her chin so she meets my gaze. "Listen, take it from someone who's learnt it the hard way. When you get a second chance you have to grab it with both hands." I watch as her eyes brim with tears, darting down to where my hand links with hers. "You just have to find another way of getting through to him."

"I didn't realise until today." Her voice cracks, and I massage her scalp gently. "How much I missed him. How much... He looks like me... Like Dean. Even more so than before."

"Yeah... I know." I dare to add, having noticed it myself. "Sweetheart, give it time. It's a shock. He's not going to leap into your arms at your first appearance, is he? Let it sink in. I mean, look at me and Johnny now; I hated him when I first found out."

"Oh great."

" _But_." I cut her off, and she raises her eyebrows. "Now I love him. He's my dad. Regardless of any mistakes he's made in the past."

"So... I shouldn't give up on him?" I sense the vulnerability in her tone, as she searches me for advice.

"That's your call darlin'." I sigh, wrapping her in a hug. "But whatever you decide to do. I'll support you. Ok?"

* * *

 _ **A/N: Delayed update again, been very busy. This was a bit shorter but thought I'd try and get something up. Thanks for your feedback :)**_


	16. Crush

**Chapter 16:**

 _ **A/N: So I've adapted some of the Carla and Ali scenes to fit this storyline. I've also adapted Ali's character, as you'll see near the end. Let me know if people prefer this side to him, or more how he comes across in the show, as I can take this one of two ways. I hope you enjoy this twist :)**_

 **Carla**

"I wasn't kicking you, was I?" I lean up against the doorframe, the cool dull light drifting in from the lounge window, seeping through the crack in the curtains. There is no response to my remark, so I narrow my eyes at the clock on the side table. Five fifty two. My gaze drifts back to where Michelle is flicking through a book on the sofa, and I debate for a moment whether she is doing it in her sleep, before she finally looks up at me.

"Hm?"

"You're up early." I sigh, at her delayed reaction, sitting down next to her and putting my arm around her shoulders. She leans into my chest, as I pop a kiss on the side of her head. "What's this."

"Photo album."

"Oh not another trip down memory lane to the estate." I wince, before settling my eyes on the pictures of fifteen year old Michelle, holding a newborn baby in her arms. "Are you ok?"

"I'm trying to pin point." She seems lost in a shroud of thought, as she turns the page back. "They look the same... I can't see where they would have been..."

"All babies look the same." I dare to input and she sighs, flicking forward through a section as she gives up. "Oh no, it's me." I point to the rebellious looking teen, with dark, matted hair flowing down my back, ink-stained school uniform encasing my bony figure. I had Ryan in my arms. I remember going back to Michelle's every day after school, either to steal her food, or see how she was coping. "I didn't know the first thing about kids back then..." I trail off, swallowing. "Well, still don't now."

Michelle looks up at me, closing the book with a sigh as she strokes a finger along my cheek and I force a smile. "Sorry." Her eyes dart back down to her lap. "He's just been on my mind all night... I didn't want to wake you."

"You should have." I trace a hand through her hair, the silkiness of it slipping through my fingers. "Don't beat yourself up about it."

"How can I not?" She asks, exasperatedly. "He's my son, and he wants nothing to do with me."

"You don't know that yet."

"I think he made it pretty clear." She nods, calmly and I hesitate, watching as she allows the hair to fall over her face, as she lays her head in her hands.

"We will sort this, ok?" I nudge her gently. "Now first things first; tea? Hm?" I wait for her to respond, but she continues to squeeze her eyes shut in the palm of her hands. "Ok, tea it is."

 **Michelle**

"Ok I've managed to do something." I say as soon as I hear the bathroom door click. "I've made a table of productivity input and output estimates for when we open on Monday." I continue into silence, before looking up, and seeing Carla watching me from the doorway. "What? Have you been sick again?"

"No, I uh..." She taps the phone against her fingers, gradually approaching me, and I begin to worry at the tone of her voice.

"Carla what? Is it something to do with your kidney?"

"Yeah." She finalises and I stare at her desperately getting up. "I've been discharged from the hospital. They've said they think I'm in the 'safe zone'. That was Dr Mackenzie on the phone now."

"Oh God you scared me then!" I nudge her gently, as I reach her, throwing my arms around her neck. "Don't do that." I mumble into her shoulder before pulling back. "Ahh, that's good news?"

"Yeah." She nods shortly, and I narrow my eyes, waiting for more. "I've been referred to the medical centre instead... Ali is my new appointed doctor."

"Oh." I just respond, trying to formulate something more elaborate. "...What are the chances, ey?"

"I can ask to switch, if you want me-"

"No, no." I stop her, pausing in thought for a moment. "If anything it might do some good. You can... You know, big me up during consultations."

"Sure?" She can tell I'm upset, and I nod, forcing a smile.

"I didn't realise they could do that..." I trail off. "You know, having your... Sort of... Step-son as your doctor."

"Well I guess they don't know that factor do they?" She reminds me and I shrug. "For all they know, I've never met him... And unless you told him, I don't think he knows about me and you either."

"Another reason he'll stick his nose up at me." I mutter, before realising how rude it sounded and I sigh, looking up at her. "I just mean because... That's gonna be a shocker and all, isn't it?"

"Relax." She takes a step towards me, studying my eyes for a moment before placing a gentle kiss on my lips. "It'll be alright. So, this productivity table."

 **Carla**

"Finally." I raise my hand slightly, as I see Ali casually stroll out of his office, clapping eyes on me.

"I'm sorry." He places a hand in his pocket, with a slightly professional twinge to his voice. "If it's about an appointment, I'm about to clock off so-"

"I know I'm kidnapping ya." I stand up, flashing him a smile.

"Haha." He nods, narrowing his eyes playfully, which I must say surprises me. "You had a bang to the head?"

"No but I do have this chronic condition doctor, and basically I can't take no for an answer." I sass him. "I just keep going on and on and on and on until the other one caves."

"Is that right?"

"I need you to come to my place." I order, throwing my plan straight into action. Michelle was my top priority, and seeing her so upset over Ali was something I wanted to correct. So I was taking it upon myself to talk some sense into him, the way auntie Carla had never been able to before. "Michelle is out at one of the hen-do's she's been planning for a customer."

"Ok..." He glances down at the floor, his eyes veering up at me slightly which makes me feel like I'm winning him around. "So you're after a home visit then?"

"Exactly." I nod and he mirrors it. "And all you have to do is sit there and listen... And maybe sink a few glasses of Malbec while I chunter on about Michelle."

"Right ok, well, I'd be lying if I didn't say that was vaguely tempting." He tilts his head to the side cockily. "But I'm going to have to say no."

"But it's... Really good Malbec, I'm talking Argentina's finest here." I continue, deciding I wasn't taking no for an answer, for Michelle's sake, as well as also being quite surprised I'd been turned down. "And all you have to do is sit there and drink it, while I put you straight... Which isn't something I'm used to nowadays."

"What?" He frowns.

"Nothing." I divert, thinking now probably wasn't the best time to open that door.

"...About Michelle?" He gathers and I repeat his remark. "Right well I think I've got the measure of her, thank you."

"You're clearly a really bright boy, I mean, you probably know the Latin for all sorts of things." I pester him, playing him at his own game. "But maybe you're a tiny bit lacking in the emotional intelligence department. No offence. And no pressure, Ali, but refusal would be like a kicking in my pre-loved kidney."

"So, if I come round in about an hour, I sit there and I listen politely, then we never have to talk about her again, right?"

"...Michelle who?" I dare to joke, although I know for a fact that, him being my doctor, and me being Michelle's fiancée, the topic of Michelle would most likely come up again in the near future.

* * *

"You know, I'm sure Michelle's lovely." He shrugs, taking the glass of wine from me and eyeing mine up. I'd already had the lecture about not drinking too much, the unprofessional behaviour of drinking with my doctor, of which, alike his reluctance to come here in the first place, I had chosen to ignore.

"In a word." I almost scoff, thinking it was perhaps the biggest understatement of a person I'd heard.

"Kind, loyal." He elaborates, as I take a seat next to him. "Funny. Helps old ladies cross the road, blah, blah, blah."

"All the above." I agree, hoping he wasn't referring to me as an old lady, but if he was, the point was very valid as to how she'd pulled me through the last few months.

"She's had a lot of loss in life."

"...Way too much." I ponder, trying to stop my words cracking at the thought. I glance across at him, trying to read all the words on his mind, before daring to open my mouth to say something I knew would hurt me, but was of great importance to do so. "Nobody gives you a handbook on what to do when you bring the wrong baby home... And... You raise them and bond with them and love them..." I swallow, forcing myself to continue. "...It's what you do, when you have children."

"How would you know?" He asks. "You don't have kids."

"No..." I trail off. "Almost, but... No." I manage to release and he puts his head in his hands.

"Oh... Yeah, sorry... I remember from your files now." He looks at me apologetically and I manage a small smile.

"Don't worry." I say softly, the thought dwelling on my mind. "But... Ali, Michelle's been pining for you for years."

"Well... She's been getting on with her own life. Steve, the last time I heard." He points out, and I wonder for a moment whether he still thinks Steve is on the scene, until he broaches his next observation. "I saw she was engaged again though, new fella is it? They're like buses to her." He glances down at my hand. "Looks like you are too. Who's the lucky guy?"

"...Don't deprive yourself of family." I try to divert the subject, giving a slight cough. I didn't know why I was trying to hide it, he would find out sooner or later. "I'd be lost without mine. Correction, I'd be dead."

"How is your new lease of life anyway?" He changes the subject and I roll my eyes playfully.

"Yeah, I'm getting stronger by the day." I shrug and he smiles slightly. "And I'm grateful for the tiniest things."

"So have you got a long term plan?" He glances back at my hand. "I mean, you must have something in your sights?"

"Oh this?" I try to put off, moving it off my engagement finger and to my other hand. I knew Michelle wouldn't thank me if I blabbed something which I'm sure, in time, she'd tell him herself. "I just thought I'd splash out on payday."

"Oh I see." He laughs slightly. "So, no men on the scene?"

"Definitely no men on the scene." I assure him. "Why, what about you? I bet you've got all the ladies making appointments to have a go on your stethoscope."

"Haha, maybe back in the day." He shrugs, modestly. "Now, I'm a grown man... And you are even more gorgeous than what I remember when I was a smitten, spotty sixteen year old."

"Did you have a crush?" My eyes widen in surprise, trying to hold back laughter, and he leans forward so that I can smell the semi-expensive aftershave that emanates from the collar of his unbuttoned shirt.

"Well... It turns out it never went away." The words leave his mouth and my smile vanishes, staring in shock for a moment. I am still trying to absorb his words when he leans in, the sour twinge to the aftershave becoming more predominant as the taste in my mouth does so. His lips barely brush mine, his stubble grazing my chin, a sensation I hadn't felt in a while.

 _Carla. Carla. Pull back._

My mind suddenly snaps into action and I force my head backwards, so dramatically that my hand collides with the recently emptied wine glass, hearing a shatter which breaks the tension of his hand that was still glued to my thigh. I brush it off me, my eyes searching his for some kind of explanation, but he doesn't even look phased. As if he's ever had a knock-back before.

"What do you think you're doing?" My mouth suddenly catches up with me, the words vocalised in a stammered fashion, as I splutter to release them.

"...Well, you said there were no men on the scene." He looks slightly confused. "...Don't tell me you don't want it."

"I _don't_ want it." I assure him, and he retracts slightly. He almost laughs to himself for a moment, as he dips his head, acting as if he knew I thought otherwise. "...You're Michelle's son. You're my doctor."

"So?" He shrugs, his eyes meeting mine again and I narrow them slightly, trying to read him.

"Don't tell me you're one of those." I loosely shake my head. "That thinks they can have whoever they want on a plate."

"Can't be dealing with plates, too much washing up." He jokes, and my glare thickens, as he sighs. "Oh come on. What's the harm, really?" He dares to weave a hand through my hair. "You are so gorgeous."

"Ali, stop it." I warn him, but annoyingly, it seemed to be as if he thought my demands were playful, either that or he just wouldn't take no for an answer. His hand slides up my thigh a bit more and I push it away. "I said stop." I persist, as he leans in, his lips edging closer to mine as I try to climb backwards on the sofa.

 _Carla run._

 _Fight._

 _Run._

My instincts click in. The memories flood back. I was stronger now. I had learnt from my weakness.

"Stop!" I shout, forcing him off me and standing up, my heart pulsating in my chest, as I stand before where he is leant back on the sofa, hands up in the air.

"What the hell is going on?" My blood turns cold, as I hear the sound of Michelle's voice, and I force my head around, her eyes terrified as they meet mine. "Come here, come here." Michelle holds her arms out to me, to my surprise, and I try to move my feet from where they are stuck on the ground. She comes over to me, studying me for a moment, before rubbing my back. "You ok?"

"Yeah." I manage to release, as she turns to Ali.

"Get out." She orders, and he narrows his eyes at the way her arm is now wrapped around my shoulder. "I said get out. Why is he back here?"

"I just... I thought." I stammer, trying to clear my mind of all the blurred images of confusion I had experienced in the space of five minutes. "Thought... I could big you up... I thought you were at a hen-do."

"Yeah well it's a good job it finished early." She kisses the side of my head, her eyes diverting back where Ali is staring at us. "I told you to leave."

"Look I didn't mean to cause any trouble." He almost sounds worried, and I don't have the energy to figure out whichever reason that may be for. "I just thought, we're both single. It was my mistake-"

"Who said she's single?" Michelle raises her eyebrows at him.

"She did." He points at me, as if he was grassing me up on the school playground.

"I said I had no _men_ on the scene." I enforce, as Michelle glances down at where my ring had moved from my hand. "And I took that off because I thought you'd want to tell him. Michelle, I swear."

"Ok, ok I know." She brushes a hand through my hair.

"Tell me what?" I can see Ali's mind working, as the gears begin to click into place. "Oh my God..." A look of realisation crosses his face as he takes in Michelle's ring, all the hints I had dropped over the past fifteen minutes. "No way."

"Yeah, she's my fiancée." Michelle says, firmly. "And I want you to get out. Now."

"I'm not going anywhere." He leans back against the cushions, making himself comfy with a bitter grin on his face. "This is a joke, right? She's my auntie, and you're my mum."

"I'm not really your auntie though, am I? I mean I hardly know you." I stupidly say and I see his face fall slightly, which, had the last instance not just happened, I might feel bad about.

"No, you're Ryan's auntie, sorry." He mutters gruffly, scraping a hand across his mouth. "I'd hate to get that confused."

"I didn't mean it like that." I close my eyes, turning to Michelle. "Babe, I didn't mean it like that."

"Babe." He scoffs and I glare at him. "So how long has this been going on then? Did nobody think to drop me a postcard? 'Oh by the way Ali, I'm on it with my cousin'."

"A few months." Michelle cuts him off and his eyes widen slightly.

"And you're engaged?" He almost sounds impressed. "Wow... We are taking the bull by it's horns, aren't we?"

"Yeah very much like you, a few minutes ago." I dare to interject. "So for future reference, Sonny, if a woman says no, it means no."

"Look I'm sorry for pushing the boundaries."

"Yeah so you should be." I snap. "...At least I know how to deal with it now."

"What?" He frowns.

"Oh, didn't you read that on my files and all?" I brush my blouse down, as Michelle's arm tightens around me slightly, protecting me.

"Get out. I won't tell you again." Michelle sighs, calmly, as he tries to understand his partially answered question.

"You know, you're not building yourself up a very good CV, Michelle, talking to me like-"

"I said go!" She raises her voice and he hesitates, scoffing to himself before standing up and grabbing his jacket.

"Thanks for the wine, sweetheart." Ali winks at me, and I shake my head, glaring at him. "Bye then."

"Right, what happened?" Michelle turns to me, rubbing her hands up and down my arms gently. "Are you alright?"

"Chelle, I'm fine." I sigh, as she studies me, tilting my chin upwards to face her. "I didn't kiss him back, I promise."

"I know you didn't." She assures me and it calms the sickening feeling in my stomach.

"I just thought, since you were out, I'd be able to talk some sense into him. I thought I was doing you a favour." I admit. "And we were just talking about... Life and then all of a sudden... He admits he has this crush on me and starts trying to make a move."

"A crush on you?" She exclaims. "What? Is he still sixteen?"

"Ok... Don't sound too disgusted by the idea." I manage a small smile and she tilts her head to the side, raising her eyebrows at me. She leans in, placing a soft kiss on my lips. One that wasn't aggressive, or forced, or too intense, like I'd felt so many times before. She was so caring and soft, this was so comfortable, I could never give it up. "Sorry." I pull back, and she looks apologetic for a moment.

"Hey." Her face softens as her voice does. "It's ok."

"I'm glad you came back when you did." I swallow, sounding incredibly vulnerable, as if she could have protected me, had anything gone further. "I mean I'm probably being over-dramatic."

"No, you're not." She assures me. "Especially after... What you've been through in the past... He didn't? I mean, he wouldn't have?"

"I don't know." I shrug, before snapping back to reality slightly. "No, no, I hope not. I just... Hate it when people can't take no for an answer... I probably encouraged it, I don't know-"

"Hey, don't say that." She says calmly and I look at her, the twinge of fear in my eyes clearly showing. "Come here sweetheart." She wraps her arms around me and I rest my head on her shoulder. "You're safe, I promise."

* * *

 _ **Thank you for all your support so far, it was a risk directing this chapter's outcome, but I hope it came across okay. Han x**_


	17. Always

**Chapter 17:**

 **Michelle**

"Carla, sweetheart." I click the light on, noticing how she was mumbling and shaking slightly in her sleep. "Carla?" I gently shake her, stuck between letting her sleep and waking her up. "Carla?"

"Mm." She suddenly opens her eyes, staring around the room confused for a moment, a trace of panic in her expression.

"Sorry, you were shaking." I say softly, moving the hair out of her face, and her expression calms as she looks at me. "Are you ok?" I ask, as she adjusts, turning over to meet my gaze properly. I brush a hand over her chest to feel how fast her heart is beating, as she swallows, looking at me for comfort. "Do you want me to hold you?" I stupidly ask, as she releases a small nod, and I move in, taking her in my arms gently and placing kisses into her hair. "I'm here, ok?"

"Chelle?" I hear her mumble, and I graze my thumb across her hand.

"Yeah?"

"...I love you."

"I love you."

 **Carla**

"Hi." I turn around at the sound of Michelle's voice in the doorway, smiling at her appearance. "You look nice."

"Do I?" I screw my nose up slightly. "Probably look tired."

"Sorry for waking you up." She approaches me, leaning on the other side of the kitchen counter.

"I'm glad you did." I mutter into my coffee mug.

"How are you feeling?"

"Alright." I shrug, forcing myself to look back at her. "...How are you feeling?"

"Fuming." She admits, and for some reason, worry must flicker in my expression. "Not at you, of course."

"You do know I didn't-"

"I know, baby." She nods, putting my mind at rest again. "I know you." She glides around the counter, moving the mug from my grip so she can take her hands in mine. "You put it back on then?" She plays with the fingers on my left hand, tapping my engagement ring.

"Obviously." I sigh, as her eyes flicker up to meet mine. "...I've realised something."

"Oh this could end with so many possibilities." She grins slightly and it makes me smile.

"No, I'm being serious." I look down at our hands, blushing as I do so. "I've realised that I can't be without you. You get me like nobody else has. You protect me, you care about me, you'd never hurt me."

"Never." She says with such meaning I look back at her. "That's why I'm marrying you, because all I want is to see you happy, care for you, show you what it feels like to be loved."

"...Thank you for holding me while I fell back to sleep last night." I almost sound shy as I say it. "Staying awake, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

"Did you fall asleep long after I did?"

"Well I wanted to stay up for a bit." She tells me and it makes my heart ache with love. "Check you were ok."

"You're so sweet." I slowly lean in to kiss her, and she returns it with such affection it makes my stomach flutter. "What?" She giggles, as I laugh into the kiss softly.

"Nothing." I smile, tilting my forehead against hers. "You taste like those Refresher sweets." I admit and she looks confused for a second. "I think it must be your lip balm. Reminded me of when we used to eat them outside the chippy on the estate."

"By eat them, you mean steal mine?" She rolls her eyes and I bite my lip. "When I bought them in the first place."

"I'm making it up to you now aren't I?" I raise my eyebrows and she lets out a low hum. I pull back, taking the envelope from the side and handing it to her. "Or at least, this should."

"What's this? A love letter?" She takes it from me, observing the heart on the front. "What are you? Ten? Drawing doodles-"

"Just open it." I nudge her, and she carefully undoes it, pulling out the contract from my solicitor. "Welcome back to Underworld."

"What?" She looks surprised, her eyes veering up over the paper in front of her.

"That's thirty percent of the business." I tap it. "Your thirty percent."

"...Carla you didn't..." She trails off, her mouth gaping open. "Well how? Aidan's got a share and all."

"Yeah well I discussed it with Aidan and we decided this was the best for all of us. I want you in work and in pleasure." I run my fingers through her hair. "So, Aidan's signed you over ten percent of his forty percent, so he's not got thirty like you. And you've got twenty of my sixty."

"...I don't know what to..." She stammers, which is incredibly cute. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I'm sure." I kiss her cheek. "We're getting married anyway. What's mine is yours." I take the paper from her grip. "You could give me a hug though, maybe even stretch to a kiss."

"I love you." She laughs as her lips collide with mine, before she wraps me in a hug. "Thank you."

 **Michelle**

"Morning." Carla's voice is bright, and I look up from where I am leant against the filing cabinet, to see Aidan entering.

"Hiya." He places a coffee down on the desk, his gaze drifting between us. "Am I late?"

"No, we only got here about ten minutes ago." Carla looks up at the clock, flashing me a smile.

"Look, I just want to say, I'm so grateful for what you and Carla have given me." I pipe up. "She gave me the letter this morning."

"Oh that's ok, well, it was hardly mine anyway." He shrugs. "And I want you to be part of the business. Carla said you were a great asset last time."

"Oh the best." Carla smiles to herself.

"I see you've picked your desk." He taps the wood of Carla's.

"This has always been my desk." She narrows her eyes. "So you two fight it out for who's sitting where."

"Oh Michelle can sit opposite you." He almost whines, as if a fight had been put up over it. "I'll let you stare into each other's eyes, and that way, I don't have to watch it." He slumps down in his chair, turning his back to us, and Carla raises her eyebrows at me.

"How does it feel?" She rests her elbows in the desk, laying her chin in her hands as she stares at me. "To be back?"

"Like I never left." I scan the office, before stretching my arms out on the table and leaning back slightly. "I must say it's nice to be back in such an environment where you don't smell like grease all the time, or have customers shout at you twenty four seven."

"No, just machinists." Carla prompts me, as the phone rings and she points to it. I suddenly feel a twinge of nerves, weirdly, as I hesitantly pick it up.

"Hello Underworld?" I put on the professional tone I remember so well, before rolling my eyes. "...No Kate, I don't want to buy more double glazing."

"Haha." Aidan spins around in his chair, nudging me with his foot, as Carla grins at me contently.

"How's it going?" Kate continues down the phone.

"I've only been here five minutes."

"Ok, ok. I'll leave you to it." She decides. "Very professional manner by the way, I would definitely consider buying knickers off you."

"Glad to be of service." I groan playfully, before hanging up the phone.

"Important client?" Carla smiles at me, as I aim to throw a pen at her, which she dodges.

"Yeah, my new husband." I tease, and she kicks me under the table gently.

"Oh great." I hear Aidan mutter, putting his head in his hands. "What have I signed up for?"

"Hello." The office door opens and I almost jump as my smile vanishes, noticing Carla go slightly rigid at Ali's appearance.

"Oh hi Ali." Aidan smiles, beginning to crack the jokes. "I'm afraid if you haven't got an appointment-"

"Yeah, he hasn't." I insist, and Ali rolls his eyes, leaning back against the window panelling as Aidan's confused expression darts between us.

"You're really doing well at this whole winning me round thing, Michelle-"

"You tried to kiss my girlfriend, you think I'm going to give you a medal?"

"Ok, what good is this doing?" Carla cuts them both off.

"You tried to kiss Carla?" Aidan clarifies, and Ali shrugs for a moment.

"Look, I think maybe now isn't the time or the place." Carla insists, and I eye up how she is warily watching his movements. "So whatever you came here for, just say it and go."

"I came to apologise." He leans against the door, not looking very apologetic as he chews on his gum casually. "Sorry for reading the signals wrong."

"There were no signals." Carla assures him, as Aidan shoots me a confused look.

"Well uh, you invited me back to your flat."

"Yeah, to talk about Michelle."

"With wine."

"To talk about Michelle." Carla reinforces and he smirks slightly. "I didn't think the medical centre was the best place to do that."

"And if Michelle hadn't have come home-"

"Ali I was telling you to stop." She reminds him firmly. "Don't make out it was Michelle who stopped this."

"I think you'd better leave." Aidan stands up, clearly not liking what he was picking up on.

"Ok." Ali holds his hands up defensively. "Forgive me for having a crush on you, it's hardly the worst insult is it? I wasn't aware you were... Batting for that team now."

"I'm not." Carla says defensively. "...I don't want to discuss that with you anyway."

"Hold on a minute, you have a crush on her?" Aidan turns to Ali, a hint of shock in his tone. "She's old enough to be your mum. Scrap that, she's practically your step-mum."

"Fit though." Ali shrugs, before opening the door and winking at her. "See you around. Bye Michelle."

"Is he serious?" Aidan snaps at us, once he has left and I put my head in my hands. "And _he's_ allowed to be a doctor?"

"Just leave it Aidan." Carla gets up.

"But-"

"I said leave it." She storms out the office door, and I watch her go through the glass for a moment.

"Well..." Aidan turns to me, exasperatedly. "This is going to be fun."

 **Carla**

"Hello." Michelle approaches me hesitantly, and I look up from where I'm sat on the sinks, continuing to scrunch up a tissue in my hand. "Are you planning on coming back to the office at some point today?"

"Yeah." My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper, and she takes another step towards me, as if I was a raging bull about to attack.

"You've been crying." She observes, in a surprisingly matter of fact tone, even though I thought I'd covered it well. I look up at her, forcing a small smile, before throwing the tissue at the wall ahead of me. There was no point in pretending. I didn't even need to pretend with her. "...Your dream last night-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I automatically say, as a typical defence mechanism, but it doesn't phase her.

"Can I ask you something else then?" She swallows, her voice softening and I nod slightly, my eyes fixated on hers. "...Did Ali hurt you last night?"

"No." I quickly shake my head, despite her looking disbelieving. "Chelle, he didn't." I enforce. "...It was a mistake. And what happened last night shouldn't stop you from trying to get him back."

"Well maybe I don't want him back." She says firmly. "Now I know what he's really like."

"He's a kid."

"Not anymore he's not." She reminds me. "As much as I don't want to admit that. And if he's upset you-"

"He hasn't upset me!"

"Carla, you've been crying!" She raises her voice to match mine. "And if _you've_ been crying that definitely means you're upset."

"...Roy was chopping onions earlier I think it's a delayed reaction-"

"We didn't go to the café earlier." She replies, bluntly. "That was yesterday."

"...Well then it's a very delayed reaction."

"Carla will you talk to me?" Michelle sighs exasperatedly. "I'm your fiancée, I'm your best friend."

"I've said I'm fine." I shout and she goes silent, watching me for a moment before heading back towards the door.

"I'll let Aidan know you're not coming back for a bit." Is all she says before leaving, and I shudder as the door swings shut, tears forming in my eyes again.

 **Michelle**

"Is this what I've signed up for?" Aidan takes a sip of his pint, as I scan the Bistro to double check Kate was right in telling me Robert wasn't working today. "Working with the two biggest drama queens in Greater Manchester? The first day back and you have to have a domestic?"

"It wasn't a domestic." I sigh, drumming my fingers on the base of the glass and checking my phone to see no messages from Carla. "She was upset, that's all."

"Because of Ali?"

"I don't know." I shrug, leaning on my elbow, before looking back at him. "I'm not that much of a drama queen."

"Debatable." I turn at the sound of Carla's voice, as she hesitantly sits down in the chair next to me. "I'm sorry."

"Where've you been?" I only realise how caring my tone is once my words have been released.

"For a walk. Clear my head."

"And is it cleared?"

"A little." She manages a smile. "But then again, when has it ever been clear?"

"Well." I tilt my head to the side, as she gazes at me apologetically.

"Sorry for shouting at you." She takes my hands in hers. "I hate arguing."

"It was hardly an argument."

"I'm just gonna..." Aidan stands up. "Refill my glass."

"Your glass is full." I point it out.

"Yeah." He coughs awkwardly, heading over to the bar and I roll my eyes, looking back at Carla.

"It's fine." I push a lock of hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't have walked off."

"There's no talking to me when I'm in one of those stubborn moods."

"I know that." I remind her, smiling slightly which she returns, before leaning in to kiss me. "Sorry." She mumbles, kissing me again.

"Oh can we go somewhere else?" Tracy's voice makes us pull away, and I see her staring at us with disgust, tugging on Steve's arm.

"You know, some might call that homophobic." I glare at her, and she rolls her eyes.

"Oh don't start with all that." She groans. "You know I've never liked the pair of you, lesbians or not."

"Is that necessary?" Carla returns, and Tracy shrugs, before heading towards the bar.

"...Sorry." Steve adds and Carla flashes him a small smile.

"He's downgraded." She bites her lip, and it makes me smile. "Not that I'm complaining."

"We've secured two more orders, by the way." I raise my eyebrows at her. "Whilst you've been skiving on the first day back at school."

"Oh." She just responds, and I laugh gently. "Ok, fill me in. I'm back now."

 **Carla**

"What's for tea?" I call from the bedroom, before appearing, and Michelle pulls a face from where she is stood in the kitchen.

"I'm not your mum." Michelle reminds me, as I glide over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Well that's a good job." I place kisses against her neck, moving her hair out of the way.

"Stop that." She smiles to herself. "And it's pesto pan-fried sea bass."

"Ooh." I mumble into her skin impressively. "Where did you pick these recipes up?"

"Nowhere." She narrows her eyes, stirring the vegetables in the frying pan.

"Oh ok so not your ex-boyfriend then?" I tease her, and she slaps me gently.

"No." She persists and I giggle, before moving backwards and jumping up to sit on the kitchen counter.

"Did you attend all of his private cookery classes?" I bite my lip and she turns around to glare at me. "You know what? Weirdly, I think I remember that being on the Bistro menu, along with the pork belly we had yesterday."

"Shut up." She hits my legs with a tea towel and I laugh, pulling her towards me and moving down to kiss her from where she is stood before the counter. "If you just want beans on toast, carry on."

"I don't think I could even make that." I say in between kisses. "You know this one time, I heated Simon and Peter a pizza up still with the plastic cover on?"

"Oh so now we're talking about your exes?" She nudges me and I kiss her again. "What happened?"

"Um... Well the plastic melted." I recall. "And then the smoke alarm went off. Standard, really."

"...Are you sure you're ok?" She phrases it gently and I sigh, tilting my head against hers. "I know you don't want to talk about it."

"Michelle Connor." I whisper, as I kiss her neck and it makes goosebumps prickle up her arms.

"Don't do that." She murmurs, as I take her hand and lead her towards he bedroom. "Um, dinner?"

"So?"

"Do you want a burnt down flat?" She lets go of my hand for a moment, and for a second I think she is going to resume cooking, before she turns the hob and oven off and looks back to face me, a seductive smile on her cheeks.

"I like that top." I eye up the black lace, that perfectly encases her figure.

"Do you?" She casually walks towards me, her heels clacking on the tiles as I swallow. "It's a little uncomfortable."

"Is it?" She reaches me, nodding as I glide my hand over the material. "Can't be dealing with that."

"No?" She whispers, dipping her head closer to mine, in a way which makes sexual shivers rush down my spine. "What are you going to do about it?"

"This." I kiss her, moving down to her neck, as she releases a sigh which, alone, has the ability to turn me on. "Come on." I lead her by the hand into the bedroom.

 **Michelle**

"You ok?" I check, as I lie on top of her naked frame.

"Why wouldn't I be?" She stares up at me, her eyelashes fluttering closed momentarily, as I graze my fingers down her arm. I allow them to briefly link with hers, before moving to the side and tracing them around the base of my stomach. "Please."

"That kidney has made you incredibly-"

"Please Chelle." She sounds so sincere in her begging, and I move my fingers down to massage her sensitive spot. Her eyes deepen for a second, as she lets out a sigh, relaxing as her head falls back onto the pillow. I continue to move my fingers against her, listening to her contained moans of pleasure.

"Faster?" I offer and she swallows before nodding, as I pick up my movements. I enjoy the sounds that emit her lips, the soft gasps, the way she reaches her fingers out to grip the bedsheets.

"Mm." She groans, before continuing it, alongside my movements. I watch the way her hair fans out, the way her lips part themselves for air. "Yes." She feels me quicken, her noises intensifying. "Yes."

"Don't hold back." I tease her, and her eyes open for a moment, as she shoots me a look.

"Mmm." She groans, louder, grabbing my hand and rubbing it viciously against her. "Oh God I need... More." She continues, which is quite possibly the most sexy thing. "I'm so desperate for you, don't stop."

"Keep talking." I whisper, enjoying her pleasure, as her eyes squeeze shut. "Tell me everything you're thinking."

"That, Chelle..." She gives in to me. "I'm so..." She blushes slightly. "Can you feel how wet I am?"

"Yeah." I gaze at her lovingly, amazed I had this affect.

"I'm soaked." She whines, moving her hand to lightly smack just above where I was working, increasing her need to orgasm.

"Keep going." Her hand moves to my clit and I gasp, as she rubs her fingers against me. "Oh God."

"That I'm going to..." She tries to hold back. "This is so good. Can you feel how good it is?"

"Yeah." I moan, as she uses her other hand to continue patting herself.

"Michelle I need you so much." She begs me. "Michelle."

"What?" I'm desperate for her to say something.

I see the look on her face before I hear the word, the snap of her mind, the rush of the memories.

"Stop!" She suddenly yells, her eyes shooting open as she sits bolt upright, and in sheer shock I instantly pull away, looking at how she has scrambled backwards towards the headboard, wrapping her arms around herself defensively. It takes me a moment to process what is going on, her eyes fixated on mine, apologetic but panicked. "Stop."

"I've stopped." I reassure her, holding my shaking hands up. "See, it's ok."

"Ok." She swallows, and I cautiously shuffle towards her, as tears brim in her eyes. "Sorry. Sorry. Sorry." She begins to repeat over and over, gradually getting louder as she grips onto my top. "Sorry. Sorry."

"Carla, listen to me, Carla." I try to soothe her, daring to run a hand through her hair. "Listen." I level my head with hers and she finally stops relaying the word over. "Stop apologising. Please." I study how her chest is rising and falling, trying to settle herself. "It's me." I whisper gently, grazing a finger along her cheek and she nods understandingly, weakness in her eyes. "Ok? It's me. I won't hurt you. You're safe."

"Ok." She leans forward, beginning to cry into me as I wrap my arms around her. "Ok. Ok."

Carla

"You know, we can just stick a film on, cuddle up on the sofa?" Michelle suggests, as I continue to draw circles on a piece of paper.

"This needs doing." I don't dare look at her, as I continue to scribble, adding detail and shading just for the purpose of extending the silence. "So, seating plan."

"We haven't even set a date yet."

"Well we can't set a date until we know it's ok with the venue and we can't choose the venue until we know how many people we're inviting."

"So make a guest list." She prompts me and I reluctantly flip the paper over, writing our names at the top. "Carla, can we talk?"

"Aidan, Kate, Johnny, Ryan, Jenny ugh, Roy-"

"Carla?"

"Machinists I'm thinking Fiz and... Yeah, Fiz. It depends how big we're thinking of-"

"Ok just shut up!" She suddenly shouts and my head snaps upwards, facing her apologetic expression after flinching at the tone of her voice. "Sorry, you just don't listen."

"...Ali." I stupidly add, whilst our eyes meet, before realising how firm it sounded. "Ali?"

"...What about Ali?" She reluctantly sighs, rubbing her temples with her fingers, before looking back at me. "In fact, yeah, let's talk about Ali."

"Is he coming to our wedding?"

"I don't care about the wedding!" She shouts again, and I bite down on my lip hard, seething in awkward silence.

"Ok." I stand up, grabbing my coat. "That's good."

"Carla, I didn't mean it like that-"

"Just leave me alone." I snap, heading towards the door before turning around. "Don't follow me. Don't."

* * *

I lean my head back against the wall of the Rovers, breathing in the evening air, crisp with the scents of Spring and discarded smoke, both from the factories, and the yard behind the pub. I close my eyes momentarily, trying to pretend I hadn't stood here a hundred times before, hadn't looked down this street and either hated it or been grateful for it, so many times over.

"You alright?" A voice snaps me out of my thoughts and my eyes open immediately, turning my head to face Ali, with a bouquet of colourful flowers in his hand.

"...What do you want?" I sigh, not even bothering to argue with him.

"To give you these." He holds them out, and I study him, sure he is joking until I realise how sincere his expression is.

"...Why?" I hesitantly take them, resisting the typical reflex to smell them, as he puts his hands into his pockets, swaying awkwardly.

"To apologise for last night."

"You've apologised."

"Well I'm apologising again." He flashes me a cheesy grin and I can't help smiling slightly, pushing it back off my face. "You look gorgeous today."

"You see, that." I point at him, my tone going more severe again. "That needs to stop."

"I was stating a fact."

"Well don't."

"You're not gay."

"Is that another fact?" I raise an eyebrow, annoyed at his invalid opinions despite the fact he hardly knew me. "I never said I was gay. But I think I know myself better than you do-"

"You are the most straight woman I know."

"...Well clearly you don't know me at all then." I snap, shoving his flowers back at him. "How dare you come here and start telling me who and what I am, when you only waltzed back into me and Michelle's lives about five minutes ago. You know, for a doctor, you're really not very clever."

"I didn't mean to offend you." He holds his hands up defensively. "I was only playing."

"This is hard enough for me to accept without other people commenting." I tell him. "When I'm ready to come out. I will. I don't need you sticking your oar in."

"You're already out." He narrows his eyes, stupidly. "I mean... You're with Michelle, it's pretty self-explanatory."

"Just because you're with somebody, it doesn't mean you've got it all figured out in here." I tap my head. "It's a mess. I'm trying to understand it. Alongside everything else. And I don't appreciate everybody going around and labelling me by whatever assumptions they've made. My name is Carla Connor. That's the only label you need to refer to me by. So, next time you sit in your doctors chair, maybe spare a thought for people's mental health, as well as physically. It's an important factor in your industry, if you took it seriously." I storm back off down the road, leaving him staring after me, a bunch of unwanted flowers clutched in his hand.

 **Michelle**

I hear the quiet creak of the front door, the key in the lock, the soft thud as it closes. The faintest beam of light from the smallest lamp she had lit, in an effort to try and not wake me up from out in the hallway. I just listen to the simple sounds that constitute her getting ready for bed. The run of the tap, the flush of the toilet, the whoosh of the bathroom cabinet door coming to a halt. Then finally the bedroom door opens, silently, as I hear the quiet patter of feet heading towards the bed.

"You didn't opt for the sofa then?" I decide to intervene the silence before it went any further, and I sense her freezing in the darkness. "I bet you're starving. I kept your dinner warm." I sit myself up, clicking the light on, as she eyes me up cautiously.

"Roy made me a sandwich." Is all she responds with and I nod slowly.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you, I didn't mean to."

"I know." She cuts me off, before I can justify myself. "Sorry for... Walking off again."

"You know there's this thing called a phone, even if you're mad at someone, you can drop them a text to say you're okay."

"Sorry." She repeats, awkwardly, wrapping her arms around herself as goosebumps prickle up her arms and I throw the covers back invitingly.

"Come here." I soften my voice and she pauses. "Come here, stop being stubborn."

"I'm not." She mutters, before climbing in next to me. I move my arms around her as she rests her head in my chest, allowing me to play with her hair for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything. "...I don't want to go to sleep."

"You don't have to."

"But I'm tired." Her voice sounds incredibly weak and I sigh, stroking my fingers up and down her back, before turning her so she was lying facing me.

"Can we please talk now?" I dare to ask and she nods slowly, linking her fingers with mine as she stares down at them. "Ok, Ali."

"He bought me flowers." She begins and I'm about to remind her that she was diverting the subject again, before I catch the extent of what she has said.

"Huh?"

"When I was walking, I bumped into him and he gave me all these colourful flowers... To say sorry, apparently."

"To sweeten you up, more like." I scoff quietly, as her eyes search mine. "What is he even trying to achieve?"

"It backfired anyway, because then he started telling me that apparently, I wasn't... Gay." She lingers on the word. "Basically implying he knew my... Sexuality better than I do."

"How dare he." I mutter under my breath, before gazing at her with a caring look.

"He's your son."

"No." I shake my head, as she gradually allows her mouth to fall closed, knowing any objections wouldn't phase me right now. "Not after the last twenty four hours, he's not. If he has a nerve to enter our lives and try to hurt you-"

"I don't think that was his intention."

"Why are you defending him?" I try to keep my voice calm.

"Because I don't want to get in the way of your relationship with him." She avoids my gaze. "And this is all my fault. I'm the one causing all this mess for you both."

"Excuse me." I tilt her chin to face me. "You're my girlfriend. You always come first."

"I'm not your girlfriend." She smiles in such an endearing way, my eyes flutter closed contently for a moment. "I'm your fiancée."

"Yeah well, I'm still getting used to girlfriend." I nudge her playfully. "You didn't give me that chance before getting a ring on my finger."

"Mm." She continues to smile, her fingers moving to play with my necklace.

"We're ok, aren't we?" I swallow, and her hands pause, as she looks back at me, a meaningful expression on her face.

"Of course, Chelle." She sighs, before pushing herself up and cupping her hands around my cheeks. "Why would you ask that?"

"...Just, today." I manage a small shrug. "And... What happened... Earlier."

"That wasn't you."

"Well I was the person you were having sex with." I state, as if she wasn't aware. "And I made you panic."

"You didn't. _You_ didn't." She enforces, leaning her head forwards in my chest before pulling back. "Chelle it wasn't you. Please don't think it was you. You're the most perfect person I've ever been with."

"Yeah." I scoff, before realising her expression.

"Yeah." She assures me, firmly. "You did exactly what I needed... It wasn't you. It was... My dream last night. What happened yesterday."

"Babe..." I try to phrase my words gently. "You say that yesterday was a mistake, that Ali didn't mean it and yet... You're having dreams about... Things. You're panicking during sex-"

"Yeah and you'll have to get used to it because it happens all the time." She raises her voice more than anticipated, shaking her head roughly and burying herself back in me. "I mean, not all the time but... Nick and Peter have both had to deal with this from time to time. It happens."

"...Can I tell you something?" I divert, hesitantly.

"Always." She mumbles, calming slightly, as she props herself up against the pillows. "As long as it's not to get my stuff because... Well technically this is my flat."

"Do you want to know the day I fell in love with you?" I'm almost nervous as I say it, and she looks surprised, before nodding slowly. "You know the night of me and Ciaran's stag and hen-do's?"

"Vividly."

"I got in the taxi that night, and I looked back." I swallow, realising this properly myself for the first time. "I saw you out of the window, the way you were watching me go, the vulnerability in your eyes after everything... How you wanted me to be happy, if he was who made me happy. How you wanted me to put myself first, when you'd been through hell, even though it hurt you to see me go. I looked back, and I told the driver to stop because I realised that night... That you were the most important person in my life. And that... Leaving you behind wasn't an option. I don't even know why I considered it... I got out of the cab and I heard you running towards me, I knew it was you, I felt your arms around me and although I was upset, I felt so safe. I got this fluttery feeling as I cried into you and... I didn't know why back then. Just that I never wanted to leave or lose you again. Just that you had this effect on me that I didn't think I'd ever tell you. Well... Now I finally know what that effect is... And I guess, now you know too."

"...Wow." Is all Carla manages to respond with, her eyes darting down to the duvet as she fiddles with the label. "Do you want to know the day I fell in love with you?" My look says it all to her, as she meets my gaze, the glisten of her eyes mirroring everything to me. "The day your stupid pink sparkly ball rolled into the road and messed up me and Rob's hopscotch we had just scraped onto the concrete with a stone." I take a breath, as her eyes narrow. "And I looked up, to see you, just stood there by the wall of the estate."

"But... That was the day you met me."

"I know." She says so gently, I can't help smiling, which she returns. "...Except, obviously I didn't realise back then because-"

"If I hadn't have ducked it would have hit me in the face." I answer for her, and she giggles softly, which makes my heart skip a beat.

"You know that night?" She starts to play with my fingers, shuffling closer to me. "Your hen-do night, I mean."

"Yeah?"

"We had that conversation... In the Rovers." She swallows, continuing to watch our hands. "...When you said you'd lost too many people who were special to you. Well, it sounds stupid, I couldn't stop looking at your lips. I couldn't stop looking at you and hanging off your every word. And... I really wanted to kiss you. In fact, for a second, I actually thought you were going to, when we moved in."

"If you had, I don't think I'd have pulled away." I admit, and she looks up, raising an eyebrow.

"Somehow I don't think that's what's supposed to happen on the hen-do." She teases me, before realising how serious I look. "...I uh, I remember feeling our faces touching, and closing my eyes and breathing your perfume in, the heat of your forehead against mine. It was times like that, I knew, deep down. And I'd push it to the side at others but... It was something which had always been there, something that never went away. I just, I feel like all my life I've been searching for something I've already found, but it seemed so lost. I've always felt like something was missing, always slightly confused or alone. Now, despite the judgement, I feel like I've finally established what that was. The last weight has been lifted. Usually I would be so scared of facing up to this, being different to who I thought I was, putting up with the local gossip and the observations but you make it so much easier. It's so worth it. And it's worth the wait. You were worth the wait."

"...Can I kiss you now?" I swallow and she smiles, nodding, as I move in the same way I did that night, resting my forehead against hers for a moment, softly grazing her lips with mine. I kiss her so gently, and she returns it, the warmth of her skin, the tickle of her hair against my cheek. It made everything seem so special, so real, so genuine. "It sounds cheesy but you mean the world to me." I whisper, as her eyes flicker upwards to meet mine. "Thank God you're here. Thank God for Aidan."

"Thank God for you." She murmurs. "If it wasn't for you and Roy, I wouldn't be here anyway, I wouldn't have had the guts to tell anyone else."

"Has anyone ever told you how special you are?"

"Mm." She smiles, before hesitating, looking up at the ceiling in thought. "...No, actually."

"Well I am now." I roll my eyes, moving her chin back down to face me. "I am. I mean it. Always."

* * *

 _ **Let me know what you think, hope you're all still enjoying :)**_


	18. Despair

**Chapter 18:**

 _ **Trigger warning: Content including suicidal references which some readers might find upsetting.**_

 **Michelle**

"Another day, another party." I nudge Carla as we head towards the Rovers.

"Well they'll be gone in a few days so, make the most of it." Carla flashes me a smile.

"How are you feeling about it?"

"Eh." She shrugs. "Alright I guess, I mean, they're going to be happy, so."

"Are you happy?" I ask gently, as she turns around to smile at me, leaning back against the window of The Rovers.

"You know what?" She pulls me in to kiss her. "I think I might be."

"Alright, alright ugh." Kate waves her hand at us, as she appears outside, intervening our moment. "The party is inside, not out here."

"Where's Aid?" Carla breaks away from me.

"Oh charming." She raises her eyebrows. "He's inside, splashing he cash, buying everyone drinks. Anyone would think he's the one leaving."

"He's a generous one that one." I follow her towards the door, ruffling Carla's hair. "Drinks. Kidneys. He's got it all to offer."

"Oi you." Carla slaps my hand away gently, grinning as she does so, and going straight over to Aidan as soon as we enter the pub.

"Hi, how come you're both so late?" Aidan smiles at us. "Oh actually, don't answer that."

"I was waiting for her to get ready." Carla withdraws from hugging him tightly, pointing to me. "One reason to stick to men."

"No thanks." Aidan and Kate both say in turn and it makes me laugh, before Peter and Toyah appear from the back, a pink blanket cradled in her arms. Carla looks away, drumming her fingers on the base of her glass. I catch Aidan's eye, as they follow the baby around the bar, looking at it inquisitively.

"You ok?" I ask Aidan, who looks up to answer me, surprised at my questioning.

"Fine." Carla answers, clearly thinking I was asking her and I flash Aidan a smile as he nods, behind her.

"Girls." Johnny greets us, diverting our attention from the cooing going on around us. "So glad you could make it."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." I say with a hint of sarcasm, which makes Kate laugh, as she observes Jenny.

"She's already hit eight on the annoying scale." She narrows her eyes, as I clink my glass against hers, as Johnny and Carla begin a discussion.

"Well done." People praise Toyah.

"Well it's not like she did much!" Jenny let's out a high pitched laugh and Kate's eyes widen.

"Nine." Kate nudges me with gritted teeth and I can't help giggling. "Ten." She rests her head on my shoulder, as the door swings open and I flick my head around to see Ali, greeting Liz.

"Oh good." I exchange a look with Carla. "Tonight just got even better."

 **Carla**

I stare down into the pool of red below me, avoiding conversation with anybody who tried. This was the most uncomfortable place for me to be; Ali was sat staring at me in the corner, everyone was melting over Peter's new baby girl, Jenny was progressively getting more annoying by the second. I turn around to see Aidan, staring into the distance, a dull expression on his face. Preparing to go over to him, I hear Rita tell Sally to stop hogging baby Susie and freeze as my name is suddenly called.

"Carla?" Sally beams at me, as I force my head around to look at where she is offering me the baby. My eyes dart from her, down to the baby girl, and back up again.

"What? Oh no. No, no, no thanks." I splutter, trying to formulate some kind of response, rejecting her offer as she turns away, and my eyes rest unwillingly on Peter's. Great. "Uh... She's gorgeous."

"Thank you." He returns my forced smile, although his looks a little more natural. He had everything now. Everything he couldn't have with me. I should be happy for him. I was.

"I'm really happy for you." I push the thought out of my head. "...You always wanted a little girl."

"Yeah." He pauses on the thought, not knowing what to say in response that wouldn't upset me. "...Are you ok?"

"Me? Yeah I'm fine." I shrug it off, despite the fact I just wanted to cry, and I stay in a daze for a moment before saying something I instantly regret. "She'd be three now."

"...I know." Peter swallows, nodding in recognition, which surprises me. "I think about it all the time."

"Do you?" My eyes widen slightly, thinking perhaps it would be something easier for him to forget, before throwing him off again. "Well, I suppose now, you don't need to... As much... I mean." I mentally kick myself, what a stupid thing to say.

"Suzie doesn't change how I'll ever feel about our little girl." He assures me, and I have to hold back tears. "I'll still love her just as much."

"Ok." I just swallow, before pushing myself away from the bar, towards the doors. The need for air intensifying. "Oh God, sorry!" I suddenly exclaim, as I bump into Aidan, red wine flowing down the sleeve. "Oh... That's your new coat and-" I try to pat it down and he stops me.

"It's fine." He tells me. "Carla, really, don't worry about it."

"I'll pay for a new one." I promise him. "That won't come out."

"There's no need." He sighs, as I observe the red seeping into his sleeve, time slipping away to recover it. "I just need to pop and do something. Cover for me?"

"Whatever you need." I paint a smile on my face. "After all, I do owe you my life after everything you've done for me."

"You owe me nothing." He squeezes my hand quickly, before walking off and I watch him go, the sunken smile on his face gradually fading as he drifts into thought.

 **Michelle**

"She was sober when I left." Aidan slips into the booth opposite me, pointing after Kate.

"She's a lightweight, your sister."

"Which one?" He narrows his eyes and I tilt my glass against his.

"Listen, I haven't had a chance to thank you properly." I tell him, finally getting the opportunity to do so. "For saving Carla's life. The shares you've given me in Underworld. Listening when I came out to you. I'm so grateful. You're too generous for your own good, you."

"It's what family does." He reminds me. "There was no doubting I'd help Carla and well, you know that factory like a pro already, if anyone was going to run it with Carla, it's you."

"And you." I point out and he nods, pausing in thought as he watches me.

"I'm glad she's got you." He lowers his voice. "You'll always look after her? She's not as strong as she seems."

"I know." I reply, my eyes meeting his. "And yes, I will. Always."

"Good." He smiles, lifting his bottle to his lips. "That puts my mind at rest then."

"What happened to your coat?" I notice, pointing at the sleeve and he looks down at it for a moment, his eyes resting on the red stain coating the material.

"...An accident." He just replies, and the worried look that clouds his face, mirrors that same one I noticed in the hospital months back. I meant to ask, and never got around to it with everything going on at the time.

"Aidan?"

"Hey!" Carla swings around the edge of the booth, Johnny, Jenny and Maria in tow. "Why do we both look so serious? It's a party."

"I thought you didn't want to be here." I hiss under my breath, a smile sliding over my face as it mirrors hers.

"Make the best of a bad situation, gorgeous." She leans down to kiss me, pulling me up to go over and join them. We listen to Carla's story about a butterfly getting stuck in her hair. We indulge in Jenny's plans for Spain, for the fourth time in one night. We drink. We get drunk. The night falls. We say goodbye.

* * *

 **Carla**

"I'll be literally two minutes." I kiss Michelle quickly, before going back to smacking my laptop, trying to make it work.

"Why can't you do that on the office computer?"

"Because that's the whole point. The document is on here. I need to send it over so we've got it for the meeting later."

"Well, surely Aidan's opening up."

"I'd have thought." I check my phone again, but I've had no response from him since yesterday afternoon and I've had multiple messages from the machinists saying they're waiting outside.

"I hope he's ok." She narrows her eyes.

"Oh he'll be fine, it's Aidan." I scoff. "He'll probably have forgotten to set his alarm, either that or he'll have someone else in the bed with him. He did have a lot to drink last night, probably hungover."

"Suppose."

"Look, Chelle. Go and open up, I'll knock on Aidan's as soon as I've done this and then I'll be there." I sigh, and she hesitantly picks the keys up. "You've done it before, you can do it again. I trust you with that business."

"Ok." She smiles, kissing me quickly. "Don't be long."

"Like I'd leave you waiting." I bite down on my lip slightly. "I know how much you hate that."

"Yeah, yeah." She flicks her hair over her shoulder as she leaves, and I watch her go, absorbing the happiness. My phone begins to vibrate and it makes me jump, groaning as I see Beth's contact on the screen.

"Beth, Michelle's on her way. Alright?" I snap, as the internet finally kicks in to gear and the email sends.

"Well it's two minutes past nine and-"

"Uh, excuse me. Who's the boss here?"

"You but if it was me who was two minutes late, I'd be losing my job."

"Trust me, Beth, that's not the only way you'll be losing your job." I close my laptop down. "I'm coming now, alright? Michelle will be there in a second. I'm sure you can manage." I hang up, grabbing my jacket and heading out of the door. I pick my pace up as I head down the stairs, reaching Aidan's floor and momentarily debating whether to leave him to sleep.

Before I hear a familiar, but terrifying noise, which makes my blood run cold.

"Johnny?" I frown, heading towards Aidan's door and knocking on it sharply. "It's Carla, open up." I demand, and I wait in silence, trying to weigh up what was going on behind the slab of wood. Eventually, there is a soft click, the door creaks ajar, and I try to steady my hand as I push it open, coming face to face with where Johnny's expression of pure shock and devastation, was stood shaking before me. "...What's going on?" I swallow, glancing around the pristine apartment. I listen to the distant drip of the tap, the only sound cutting through the gruelling silence that Johnny was leaving me in. "Where's Aidan?" I head towards the only sound giving me any indication, and his hand instantly reaches out to grab my arm.

"Don't." He begs me, so sincerely it makes me stop in my tracks. "Carla, don't. I'm begging you. Don't. Please." His breathing becomes rapid, and I try to control mine as the beat of my heart increases it's pulsation.

"...Why?" I try to muster, my eyes searching his, the tears sliding down his cheeks. I'd never seen him cry. Not in the last few years. Not when I was a reckless kid on the estate. I remembered the night Lou died, and he hadn't even shed a tear then. It makes panic surge through me. "Dad... Why?"

"...He's..." He tries to take a breath, and I shake my head forcefully, trying to block out the thoughts that were invading my mind.

"No." I continue. It was me. What if it was me? I shouldn't have let him do it. I shouldn't have let him take the risk. "No. No." I repeat, stupidly, as he reaches out a shaking hand, a piece of scrunched up, tear stained notebook paper in it. I force myself to take it, my throat aching as I try to swallow, the saliva like a raindrop in a desert.

 _Don't go in bathroom. Phone the police._

I read the words over and over. Trying to make them seem more real. Trying to make sense of them even though I knew.

Finally, I let the letter slip through my hands, preparing to run towards the bathroom as Johnny's arms pull me back.

"No Carla!"

"Stop!" I yell, fighting him. "Get off me. Get off!" I scream, cutting the silence, as his arms eventually slip away and I squeeze my eyes shut, dragging a hand across my face. What was I doing? What was going on?

"...Um..." I try to gather one of the thoughts that were catapulting around my head. "...Have you?"

"No." He swallows, his voice low, and I watch him for a moment.

"...We need to." I try to calm my tone and he nods slowly, my fingers dancing around where my phone lay on the side, before I pull him towards me, wrapping our arms around one another. "We need to phone the paramedics." A clear thought finally processes. "You don't know he's... I mean, they might be able to." I pull back, looking down at my phone so I could avoid his gaze.

"They won't be able to do anything."

"You don't know that." I snap, forcing myself to look at his definite expression. "You're not a doctor... I'll call Ali. Ali." I try to search through my phone, my hand shaking so much it ends up sliding through my fingers, crashing to the floor with a thud. "He might be able to to do something." I kneel down to pick it up. "Somebody will be able to do-"

"Carla, he's dead." Johnny suddenly weeps and the words hit me hard, even though I already knew, but hearing them was the hardest part. "It's obvious... He's... Gone."

The silence is deafening, I fall back against the wall, knees pulled up to my chest, tears frozen on my cheeks. I stare at the kitchen counter, Aidan's kitchen counter. He hadn't had it long. None of it. Not the stainless steel kettle I had bought him as a house warming present. He had laughed when I gave it him, saying I'd done enough for him.

That was just before he saved my life.

He saved my life.

And ended his.

 **Michelle**

"Has Johnny called you?" I ask Kate, when I see her waiting by the door of the Victoria Court flats.

"Yeah." She checks her phone casually. "He sounded... I don't know, distant. Reckon he's had a row with Jenny?"

"He called me and told me to come straight over to Aidan's." I tell her, slipping my phone back into my pocket as I follow her into the flats. "I'm telling you, if this is about another family dinner."

"Probably." Kate scoffs, probably got us here under false pretences, before her eyes fall to the medical equipment that lined the hall of the second floor. My heart stops for a moment. Carla. She hadn't turned up to the factory. "I saw an ambulance down the road but I didn't think anything of it, maybe I'm getting used to it..." Her eyes drift to where Aidan's door had been left ajar, and I begin to race towards it, pushing it open to see where Carla was leant against the wall, staring lifelessly at the bathroom.

"Are you alright?" I go straight over to her, feeling her forehead. "What's going on?"

"Dad?" Kate begs him, and he doesn't even lift his head from where he is sat in the armchair. "...Ok, you're scaring me now. Where's Aidan?"

"Are you family?" A paramedic appears from the bathroom, her eyes darting between us, with a grave look on her face.

"Yeah." I swallow.

"I'm Carla's sister." Kate points at her. "His daughter, Aidan's... Sister... Why?"

"Let me tell them." Johnny stands up, as Jenny exits the bedroom, her face red and blotchy.

"Carla?" I ask softly, smoothening her hair back. I felt sick. I knew. I already knew. Not again.

"Aidan's uh..." Carla's voice is hoarse as she points limply towards the bathroom. "He's..."

"No." Kate shakes her head, her voice heightening in shock. "No. No, please no."

"He's passed away, Kate." Johnny forces himself to say, and I stand with my feet glued to the floor for a second, trying to absorb the words. There is an agonising silence, my hand finds Carla's.

"...What?" She releases, staring at the faces looking back at us. "Wha... Um, how?"

"He's taken his own life." Carla swallows, turning to look at her, noticing how Johnny was trying to hold tears back for both their sakes.

"You're wrong." Kate bursts into floods of tears, as Johnny holds her against him, rocking her gently.

"...Oh my..." I stupidly murmur, as Carla looks back at me, and I pull her in, letting her cry into my shoulder. I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I'd dealt with this news so many times. So many people I loved had left. Suddenly. Tragically. But this was like a shock I had never known.

Suicide.

It made no sense.

He'd been fine. He'd been smiling. He'd been happy. Just yesterday he was sharing his plans for the business. Teaching me encoding and data inputting, so that...

 _"_ _So that you can do these things if I'm not here one day."_

One day.

I thought he meant out at a meeting. Or if he took a day off sick. Not...

I try to search my mind for more recollections. More explanations.

 _"_ _You'll always look after her? She's not as strong as she seems."_

And then it hits me. The worried looks in the hospital. I thought it was just because he was anxious about the donation. But he was so sure he wanted to go through with that. It had been for another reason. Another reason I could have got to the bottom of, had I not been so caught up in my own selfish priorities. I could have spoken to him about it last night, if I'd had a little more time.

A little more time.

He hid it so well. Is that what he wanted?

Carla's condition. Johnny's move to Spain. Kate's affair with Rana. We all had our own problems that clouded our minds so much, we couldn't see other people's. We couldn't see how, because Aidan was reaching out to help other people, he couldn't reach out for help himself.

Now it was too late.

Now 'help' was just a word.

 **Carla**

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

"Did you phone your parents?" Jenny's voice pulls me back to reality, as I see Michelle re-enter my flat, phone in hand as she puts one foot in front of the other.

"Uh... Yeah." She swallows, and I move my sunken, worn expression to match where Johnny continued to sit in the armchair, as he had for the past two hours.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Drip.

Drip.

"Michelle can you turn that tap off?" I suddenly snap, and she immediately goes over to make sure it's firmly fixed shut, the dripping stopping, time still flowing.

Kate sits with a photo frame in her hands, staring down at it, not blinking once. As if it would bring the happiness in that picture back. As if willing time to turn back to how it used to be.

Tick.

Tock.

I needed to be strong for her. She was practically a kid, she'd lost her mum and now her brother. She was too special to deal with this pain. Too young. Too innocent. Aidan would hate to see us all sat around in a pit of despair. But that's what this was; despair, devastation. So many people I loved had left. Paul. Liam. Mum. Hayley. My baby girl. It never got easier.

I'd only found my brother three years ago.

Now he was gone.

 _"_ _Well I've had warmer welcomes."_

 _"_ _Aidan Connor? What are you doing here? We don't let riff-raff in here, you know?"_

My heart aches. The way I had so eagerly wrapped my arms around him. Hugged him so tightly, as if I'd never let go. Exactly the way I had last night at the party.

"Last week, I found out that Johnny was my dad too. Which, I suppose makes us brother and sisters."

At the time I'd hated Johnny. Now I couldn't thank him enough. He'd given me the family I never had. Even for a short while. He'd given me the little brother who actually put me first. Who didn't lie and cheat to my face. Who didn't blackmail. Who didn't hate me. Not like Rob. Aidan had loved me, and I'd loved him. He'd always been the strong one for the lot of us. Now, it was my turn. I'd do that to honour him, like he had honoured me, so many times over.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I hope I wrote this ok, I wanted to include it into the storyline. Beautiful performance by Shayne last night. More to come in this x**_


	19. Aftermath

**Chapter 19:**

 _ **Trigger warning: references to suicide. Opinions expressed on the subject are from the point of view of the characters, not from my own perspective.**_

 _ **Need help? Samaritans: 116 123.**_

 **Carla**

"Morning." I hear a weak voice from the door of the bedroom, as I continue to rearrange the mugs in the cupboard, pretending I was busy. "...I didn't think you'd be up this early."

"Couldn't sleep." I just respond, avoiding her gaze as I finally take one from the cupboard, clicking the kettle on and then remembering from the short whirr, that I had already brewed it once.

"Well that's ok." She swallows, padding over to me. "You might feel tired in a bit." She refrains from touching me at all, clearly thinking I might lash out, which was the last of my intentions.

"How are you?" I decide to ask, knowing she was probably hurting as much as me, but concealing it for my sake.

"Um... Still..." She tries to search for the right word, and I just nod in agreement. "Darlin'?" She tries to meet my gaze over the kitchen counter, as I pour a stack of coffee granules into the mug, tilting it back against the container to rid the ones I had over-estimated. I continue to do this for a few more seconds, going back and forth, until I feel a finger under my chin. "Carla?"

"What?" I almost snap, being careful not to, and she pauses, hurt and sorrow in her eyes as I finally meet them. "Why are you stood over there?" I point like a child, and she takes a step closer, coming around the counter. "Hug me for God's sake."

"Ok." She pulls me in, rocking me gently. I don't cry, I just breathe in the soothing scent of the lingering perfume, still clinging to her skin from yesterday. "Have you spoken to Johnny?" She whispers softly into the side of my head and I close my eyes, not even having the energy to move whilst she was holding me.

"Um..." I finally move back, gathering my thoughts. "I had a text from Jenny this morning. She said he hadn't moved from the sofa all night... Just... Staring at the television. It wasn't even on, apparently, just a blank screen..." I trail off, watching her for a moment and trying not to weaken. "How is he going to get over this? You saw the state he was in yesterday... It's his son. It's not supposed to happen like... That..." I gradually finish, looking apologetically at Michelle as her expression deepens. "Sorry... Oh."

"Hey." She rubs my arm supportively, forcing a brave face on it. She opens her mouth to say something to the same effect, before deciding otherwise and diverting. "You look very nice."

"...Thanks, well, I can't go to work in my pyjamas, can I?" I point out, already knowing she'd have something to say against it before her eyes narrow.

"What?"

"The factory, you know? Big building, makes knickers, it's just up the road."

"Carla-"

"Chelle don't." I close my eyes momentarily, waiting for her to argue against me, but she doesn't, and when I open them I see a reasonable expression staring back at me. "It's what Aidan would have wanted."

"...Ok." She just agrees, knowing she'd be the one to give in anyway, and now wasn't the time for arguments.

"You don't have to come, I mean-"

"I'm coming." She assures me and I nod slowly. "Well uh... You'd best get a move on then."

"Alright." She just whispers, and I watch her head back into the bedroom, before my legs fall slightly limp, along with my heart.

"Chelle?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I say, as she turns around, a small, pained smile on her face.

"I love you too." She returns, sincerely, before disappearing into the bedroom and closing the door.

 **Michelle**

I am about to open my mouth to ask if Carla is alright, as she peers around the office, her eyes resting on Aidan's chair, before realising what a stupid question that would be, with a self-explanatory answer.

"...Do you want to talk to the machinists or do you want me to?" I decide to ask instead, turning my head to where they were sat around on the shop floor, not gossiping excitedly as usual.

"I'll do it." Her voice is hoarse, as she pulls herself up, reaching for my hand and I link my fingers with hers as we head out of the office, standing in front of the workers. "Hi um... Thanks to you all for coming in. You didn't have to... I..." Carla tries to search for words, squeezing my hand slightly.

"We really appreciate it." I add, for her. "We... Well, Carla, thought that, Aidan wouldn't want us... Sitting around at home, he'd want us to get this order finished..." I try to phrase it correctly, but Carla just smiles slightly at my words. "Just do your best today. We know it's not going to be of highest standard, but, it's something Aidan would be proud of... Ok um..." I decide to stop talking, not wanting to over-do it, as I turn to face Carla. "Ok sweetheart?"

"Yeah." She looks up, flashing me a smile. "If anybody needs anything, you know where we are."

"...Mrs Connor?" I hear Fiz's voice as we both turn around, unsure which of us she was referring to, as he eyes dart between us. "...We'll make you proud. Make Aidan proud."

"Yeah." There's a chorus of sullen agreement from the workforce and the corners of Carla's mouth turn up slightly.

"Thank you." She just whispers appreciatively, before heading back into the office, as I follow her. "Chelle can you do me a favour?"

"Anything." I rest my hand on the top of her chair, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"Can you phone and check-"

"You're not serious?" The door flies open, and Kate appears, anger written into her expression as she stares at us with hatred. "What are you doing here?"

"Kate." I try to reason with her, as Rana appears behind, out of breath.

"Our brother died the other day." She raises her voice, the words so sharp they almost sting. "And already it's 'business as usual'?"

"Kate, it's not like that-"

"Stay out of this." She snaps at me. "You're hardly even family."

"Kate." Carla stops her calmly. "This is what Aidan would have wanted."

"Nobody knows what Aidan wanted." Kate tells her, harshly. "Nobody. Else somebody would have picked up on what was going through his mind... Especially not you. You've known him five minutes. I grew up with him being his sister. I was there when he got his five metre badge, when we used to have sleepovers in his bedroom, when he started secondary school and he was so scared of being bullied, he cried. I was there when mum died, and he had to be the strong one... Well now he's not, is he? So don't pretend like you know what 'Aidan would have wanted', because you don't know the half of it."

I can see her face cracking, the apologies she meant but couldn't say. I knew she meant none of the pain she was intending on causing. That was a trait she held similar to Carla; they lashed out, they pressed self-destruct. This family was so close to falling apart, and there was no way of stopping that.

"I've got to go." Kate bursts into tears, storming out, as Rana shoots us an apologetic look, following her.

"...Carla." I begin, not knowing what to say in response to Kate's lecture.

"I should go after her." She decides, surprisingly not phased by her remarks. Well, she wasn't showing it.

"Maybe just give her some space." I suggest, calmly, as she falls back into her seat. "Rana's with her. She's not alone. You need to focus on yourself."

"No, I need to focus on my family, the business, normality." She tries to enforce confidently. "Nobody else will. I've got to be there for them all."

"Then I'll be there for you." I close the blinds, kneeling before her, seeing how much she wanted to break. "There's got to be someone you haven't got to be strong for. So you have a release. We're alone. I've got you."

"I don't deserve you." A tear rolls down her cheek, as she looks down at me, hair falling over her face as I push it back behind her ear. She looks up, trying to hold back tears, before giving up and letting them stream from her eyes.

"I've got you." I repeat, as she falls to the floor in my lap. I hold her against me, as she cries into my chest. "I love you... I'm here. I'm always here."

"He saved my life." She weeps into me. "And I couldn't save his."

"Nobody could, sweetheart." I whisper gently, although I'd felt incredibly guilty the last twenty four hours, because, had I asked a simple question, maybe I could have. "You're being so incredible. So strong. Don't doubt yourself. He loved you so much."

"Loved." She repeats, weakly. "It doesn't seem real... It hurts so much."

"I know it does." I swallow, thinking back to Liam and Paul, how shocked and lost I had felt. "I know."

"Kate hates me."

"She doesn't hate you." I exclaim, pulling back to observe her tear-stained face. "Hey, come on, she doesn't hate you at all. She's hurting. People cope in different ways, you know that."

"Yeah." She agrees, remembering back to all the people we had lost, all the times we'd had to be strong for one another. The phone begins to trill and I ignore it, having no intentions to move from our position, until Carla's eyes dart up to me. "Can you get that?"

"I can leave it?"

"It's best to get it." She sighs, pulling herself together slightly, and I let her go, knowing there was no point in arguing with her. I pick the phone up before it rings out, listening to the voice on the receiving end.

"Hello Underworld?"

"Michelle or Carla?" I notice Richie's voice on the other end of the line, one I was used to from years ago.

"Michelle." I answer, trying my best to sound bright.

"Richie from O'Driscoll's." He informs me, despite already clocking it. "I was wondering if I could have a word with Aidan?"

"Um..." I trail off, glancing at Carla, and she sighs, clearly latching on to the question at hand. "He's actually not here at the moment."

"Not there?" There is a hint of annoyance in his tone. "He said to call him on Friday. It is the 11th? I've got that right haven't I?"

"Yeah it's the 11th." I check the calendar on the wall, not knowing myself for a moment. "But uh..."

"Michelle tell him." Carla murmurs, her voice low and I hesitate. "He's got to know at some point."

"...Michelle?" He persists. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah um..." My head goes dizzy, as I try to summarise all the shock and pain into one statement. "Two seconds, Mr O'Driscoll." I decide, heading towards the opposite door of the office which was out of sight of machinists. Carla had heard the words enough times. She'd seen it with her own eyes. I wanted to shelter her as much as possible. "Sorry, um... Actually, Aidan's not here today... And he won't be... Again."

"What?" He sounds confused and I keep my voice low, as I can hear the quiet gossip of the machinists. "He hasn't left you in the lurch? Surely? He loves that factory."

"No he hasn't... Left... As such." I take a deep breath. "He's actually passed away." There's a long pause, and I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing back tears. I can almost hear the arithmetic in his head, trying to calculate how my words were possible, as we all had been.

"What he's..." He finally replies. "...How? He was fine the other week."

"He's um..." I try to stop my hand from shaking. "He's taken his own life." My voice cracks, and I bite down hard on my lip.

"...I'm so sorry." He responds, and I nod even though he can't see. "...I'll uh, I'll call you back in a few days. In the meantime, don't rush with the order, we can sort it out another time... You both just take care of yourselves."

"Thank you." I swallow the kindness of his tone.

"Give my love to Carla." He adds quietly, before hanging up, and I exhale sharply, leaning back against the wall.

 _Don't cry._

 _Don't cry._

"It is selfish!" I hear Beth's voice, trying to drown it out, but her impertinence was so vivid.

"You can't say it's selfish." Izzy argues, trying to be quiet, clearly thinking we were both still in the isolation of the office. "That's an awful thing to say."

"He might have ended his own pain, but think of everyone else's now." She continues, and I freeze, realising what they were talking about. "The Connor's. Johnny's lost his son. It's the most selfish thing a person can do, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces."

"You don't... Think it's selfish because you're worried about your job, auntie Beth?" Sinead pipes up, and I wait for her answer with bated breath.

"No... Of course not." She says unconvincingly. "...Do you think our jobs are at stake?"

"Get out!" I shout, suddenly storming through the door and they all practically jump out of their seats.

"Mrs Connor!" Beth exclaims in shock. "I didn't know you were..."

"Evidently." I snap, viciously. "Get your stuff and get out."

"What's going on?" The door of the office opens and Carla stares at the scene in front of her.

"Nothing sweetheart." I try to cover, even though it was a blatant lie.

"I don't think she meant it like-" Sally begins.

"I don't care, Sally." I force back weakness, turning back to Beth. "How dare you. How dare you even begin to think about saying such things. Here of all places."

"What's she said?" Carla keeps her voice low, looking at me desperately.

"I overheard her." I give in. "Talking about... Aidan. Saying he was selfish for..." I trail off, watching as Carla swallows and sighs, looking down at the floor before shaking it off.

"Just get back to work." She says quietly, and Beth looks surprised at this.

"You can't let her stay here!" I raise my voice.

"Michelle, I don't have the energy." She holds her hands up, heading back into the office. "Just leave it."

"...I'm really sorry." Beth apologises, and I stare at her with pure loathing, shaking my head slowly. "...So I can keep my job?"

"Is that all you care about?" I am careful not to shout, so as to not disturb Carla again. "If this was up to me, you'd be packing, and yes, your job is very much 'at stake'." I finish, storming out of the factory, as the cold air hits me. I lean back against the wearing brick, gazing out on to the street as I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm the rapid pulsation of my heart.

"...Michelle?" I hear a familiar and unwanted voice, opening my eyes to see Robert, heading back towards the Bistro with a paper in his hand. He looks left and right before crossing the road, approaching me.

"What?" I try to pull myself together, least wanting him, of all people, to attempt to calm me.

"I'm sorry about Aidan." He says softly, and it's the most caring I've seen him since the breakup, but under the circumstances, bitterness would be unnecessary. "We were good mates, you know?"

"Yeah." I reply, from my own knowledge. "Thanks."

"How's Carla doing?"

"She's trying to stay strong, I think." I shuffle my feet. "For the others. She's being amazing... But it's hit her a lot harder than she's letting on. Johnny's in pieces. Kate's in denial." I realise I'm babbling on, even though he probably just required a one word answer. I didn't even know why I was opening up to him, but then again, there weren't many people I could open up to. Especially if Carla was relying on me solely.

"I did see Kate." He tells me. "I told her to take as much time off as she needed... I think it might have been the wrong thing to say."

"Yeah she's uh, she's angry." I respond. "Don't take anything she says to heart. She's said things to Carla as well. It's just... All up in the air... At the moment." I force back the tears I'm desperate to cry, staring blankly at the sky, waiting in silence for him to say something. For a moment, I'm convinced he might have gone, before I look back at his understanding expression. "Ugh, why am I saying all this? I need to go back in there."

"Ok, well, if you need anything..." He trails off, and I manage a weak smile in return, before turning around and placing my hand on the door.

"Robert?" I turn back to see he's paused on the steps. "...Thank you."

"No problem." He returns, before walking off and I watch him go for a moment, before taking another deep breath and entering the factory once more.

 **Carla**

"After this I'll pop out and get us something to eat, alright?" Michelle strokes a hand through my hair, as we stand on the doorstep of Johnny's new house. "You can curl up on the sofa. Try and get some rest."

"I don't think I'll get much rest." I avoid eye contact, counting the scratches on the painted gold knocker attached to the door in front of me. "Unless you keep doing that." I close my eyes momentarily, at the feeling of her fingers in my hair. "That makes me sleepy."

"Well then." She kisses the side of my head. "Thanks for letting me know, I'll bear that in mind."

"They are in, right?" I press the doorbell again, and eventually there is a click, Jenny's face coming into view.

"Come in." She steps aside, as I head past her, not even bothering with pleasantries. It was only the second time I'd been to their new house, and still there were a few boxes unpacked, but it was a lot more furnished than the last visit. I expected the remaining boxes may stay huddled up for a while longer, except the one upturned on the carpet, pictures spilling out of it.

"Hi Johnny." I manage to say with a hint of confidence. "What are you doing?" I kneel down next to where he is sat on the carpet, holding two pictures in either hand. He looked broken, completely ruined, not like I'd ever seen him before. He was usually so together, focused, level-headed. Now, it was as if he was just a little boy, lost within himself, lost within thought and memories that were scattered over the rug. I scan my eyes over them, searching for something to end the silence, as I can hear hushed voices in the hall from Michelle and Jenny's probably concerned discussion. I notice a picture of Lou, her arm around Aidan, her other arm scooping up Kate, who can't be much older than one, resting on her hip. I decide not to bring it up, but instead just examine it, studying the brightness of her expression, the aspirations she had for her children, for herself. A year later she was gone. Thirty years later, so was her son.

I don't feature in many of the photos, as expected. There's one taken of Aidan, Kate, Michelle, Liam and I, arms around each other, years later. I didn't know where Rob was, probably burning plants or giving someone a wedgie, and Paul was probably off at business school by this point. We were all grinning, some kind of medal dangling in Aidan's hand, which he held up proudly. Possibly a sports day, which would make sense why Liam and I were the only ones not in the standard school sports attire. But then again, when did I ever participate?

I can't drag my eyes away from our smiles. The neglect I was suffering at the time. The loss of Lou for Aidan and Kate. Michelle would soon be pregnant, perhaps already in the early stages, as she looked about fourteen, fifteen. But it didn't affect the looks on our faces. The happiness that all of us being together could bring. We weren't even a 'family' as such by this point, but the struggles we had pulled one another through on that estate were enough to bring a group of outcast kids together. Or maybe we'd just been bribed with sweets. Maybe George had shouted at us all to smile, just so he had some proof to wave at social services when they came knocking.

Another I notice, is one I do pick up. I couldn't even remember it being taken. Michelle is central, sat in a hospital bed with Ryan, Ali, who knew by this point. She looked worn down, but still managed a weak smile. My arm was draped around her shoulder, Liam and Paul stood proudly behind, although Paul's smile showed a hint of disapproval. Rob was there too, moth-eaten cap glued to his head as always. Kate was sat on Aidan's lap, on the chair next to us. She was laughing. Actually laughing. Perhaps Aidan had tickled her. Maybe Liam had just told some stupid joke about how the hospital gown had dented Michelle's fashion sense. Johnny could have told Kate stories of when she was 'that size', just before snapping the picture, saving the memory. The kids who were invincible. Who could cope with anything.

Now where were we all?

We weren't so invincible anymore.

"I don't even remember that." Michelle's voice makes me jump, and she looks at me apologetically before kneeling next to me. "Sorry baby." She places a hand on my knee, as I hand her the picture.

"Wow, you look awful in that Michelle." Jenny leans over the edge of the sofa, and I shoot her a look.

"Well I had just given birth." Michelle rolls her eyes defensively, and I can't help a hint of a smile crossing my lips, before reality sets back in and it vanishes again. "Ah..." Michelle reaches out to pick up another one, her expression softening as she looks at it. There was a long snake wrapped around Aidan and Michelle's shoulders, as they looked at each other with proud grins written onto their faces. She goes quiet, staring down at it, her thumb gliding over the subtle tears in the varnished image. "Aidan's eighth birthday... I drew him this picture last minute, scribbled happy birthday on it because I was in a rush. He told me I'd spelt it wrong and to make up for it, I had to hold the snake with him... It was from the animal man, I mean, not a wild snake..."

"Yeah, I remember." I gently reminisce, gazing at where her eyelashes flutter closed, her grip tightening slightly over the picture.

"I look all happy here, he pretended it bit him five seconds later and I got told off for 'scaring it' with my screams." She continues and I muffle a slight laugh, kissing her forehead. I felt so guilty, she'd let me cry to her, she'd held me, comforted me. Yet, she'd known Aidan better as a child, she'd grown up with him. Until three years ago, I wasn't even technically family, but she always had been.

"Keep it." Johnny finally speaks up, although his words waver so much, I can tell how sore his throat is. Either from crying, or lack of speech, probably both. "If you want."

"Are you sure?" Michelle peers around me, and he continues to stare out of the window, having not even turned his head to observe what we were looking at.

"Carla." He whispers, and I wait for him to continue, worrying with what he would say next, as he produces a picture from by the sofa leg, handing it to me. I hesitantly take it, looking down to see a picture of me, aged eight, sat in a peeling wicker chair, with baby Aidan in my arms. I'm just staring down at him, complete amazement in my eyes. I was clearly too young to hold a reputation here. Too innocent. "I wanted a picture with both of you... Nobody could understand why."

"...I didn't even remember this, until now." A tear rolls down my cheek, splashing onto the photo, right in the centre, in the small gap between where my head is dipped and Aidan is looking up at me. "Now I remember it so vividly. I couldn't understand why I had to hold him. I kept saying babies were ugly."

"Yeah." Johnny nods, thinking back. "Then when we finally got you in the chair, handed him to you, it just went silent... You were so..."

"Amazed." I finish his sentence, not removing my eyes from it. "That something so tiny could be so beautiful. So special... He was so special..." I stop talking, sensing Johnny's sorrow next to me. I squeeze my eyes shut, not understanding why, but dipping my head, just like in the photo, and placing a lasting kiss onto the picture. "I love you. Always."

 **Michelle**

"Stupid idea to go and get chips on a Friday night, I didn't realise how rammed that place would be." I put the bag down on the counter, and Carla doesn't raise her head from where she is playing with her bracelet in the armchair, legs tucked beneath her. "Chesney's sweating enough for those fish to swim in it."

"...What?" She looks confused at my joke, but at least it attracts my attention.

"What have you been doing?" I ask, going over and sitting on the arm of the chair, my eyes falling to the picture she was still holding in her hand.

"...What did you get me?" She diverts the subject.

"Your favourite."

"I'm not supposed to like food from the chip shop."

"Well I wasn't supposed to like women but here we are." I dare to joke with her and it makes her smile, as she looks down into her lap. "Are you hungry?" I ask, despite knowing the answer before she shakes her head. "You haven't eaten all day."

"Mm." She looks up at me, tilting her head to the side with a worn expression, implying she wasn't prepared for the pestering.

"That's ok, I'll keep it warm for you." I weave a hand through her hair, preparing to stand up, before she pulls me back down again.

"No, stay and do that." She takes my fingers in hers, placing them back in her hair and I can't help smiling, gazing at her lovingly, as I move them against her scalp. She sighs, letting her head fall against my legs, her eyes closing. "You know, you can cry too."

"I don't need to." I lie, and she doesn't bother raising her eyebrows, just continues to rest.

"That picture of you and Aidan, it made me feel selfish."

"Why?"

"Because you're his family, and always have been." She replies. "You're putting a brave face on it for me."

"You're putting a brave face on it for everyone else." I remind her, and she doesn't reply for a moment, enjoying the sensation in her hair. "Car, this isn't about who knew him best. When it comes down to a tragedy like this, it affects people in different ways. Some will be devastated, some will be angry, some will seem surprisingly alright. The milkman might cry over it for weeks, despite only seeing them briefly on a Tuesday morning. Whereas a close relative might cope a lot better. It's grief, and no matter who you are, how close you were, no two people will deal with the news in quite the same way. If you need to cry, let it out. If you need to lash out, that's understandable. If you need to say something that will make you smile, that's ok too. Nobody is prepared for something like this. There's no comparison. But the most important thing is that we're all there for one another. And no matter what I'm feeling, on good or bad days, I'll be here for you. I promise."

"...Did you just come up with that off the top of your head?" She looks surprised at my speech, noticing me nod before closing her eyes again. "I'll be here for you too. You know that?"

"Of course." I bend down to plant a kiss in her hair, pausing as I do so, breathing in the scent of it, appreciating her, the fact she was here. I remembered my conversation with Aidan, the night before we found him. I'd thanked him for saving her life. Thanked him for keeping her with me.

 _You'll always look after her?_

Yes. I would. That was a promise I would keep. For me. For Carla. For Aidan.


	20. Denial

**Chapter 20:**

 _ **A/N: A mash-up of some of the content in Friday's and tonight's episodes, hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: Suicidal references.**_

 **Michelle**

"No he's out of the office right now." I hear Carla try to excuse down the phone, as I open the office door, clipboard in hand.

"Want to go for lunch?" I whisper, and she just nods, although I'm not sure if she's responding to me or the phone call.

"Yes well Aidan can't come to the phone right now because he's-" She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes to eliminate tears and I study her sensitively. "He's just not here today."

"Hello, Michelle Connor speaking." I take the phone from her, which she lets me do without argumentation. "Yeah she's told you he's not here."

"Well I need to speak to him with a matter of urgency." An unfamiliar voice replies to me, as Carla puts her head in her hands.

"Well that'll just have to wait won't it?" I realise how harsh I sound. "Because if he's not in the office, there's nothing we can do."

"But-"

"Ok have a good day, bye bye now." I put the phone down, cutting them off, and Carla doesn't lift her head from where it is now rested on the desk. She doesn't say anything, just stays there, as I move my hand to her hair affectionately, sitting down on the desk.

"Hi." Alya enters without knocking. "I've just got a question about materials." She looks at me, noticing Carla wasn't necessarily available to converse with. "The stock from Gresham's fabrics just arrived. It's not what I ordered, it's completely the wrong pattern. It's going to have to go back."

"I changed it." Carla muffles into the wood.

"Excuse me?" Alya sounds taken-aback, as if she ran this place.

"The pattern you ordered was too busy." Carla continues, not bothering to move.

"Well I cleared it with Aidan." She stupidly inputs, hesitating before persisting. "We discussed it, he was really happy with it."

"I know and I changed it." Carla continues, weakly. "I don't have to explain myself to you, so."

"Well you do, when you weren't even here months ago when we discussed it." Alya responds, and I flick my head around to face her. "You had nothing to do with this order until-"

"Alya!" I snap, viciously and she immediately shuts up. I feel Carla's hand find mine, squeezing it gently. "If there's nothing else?"

"No." She purses her lips, sourly, before turning to leave. I weave my fingers through Carla's hair, fanning it out over the desk, before scanning the computer.

"I'll take that meeting at four." I tell her, quietly, to try and lift a strain. "Then I'll go and get us some provisions afterwards."

"...Thanks." Is all she says, moving her head to rest on my leg. "...I've got to phone Dawson's, I can't go for lunch."

"Don't pressurise yourself-"

"I'm not!" She raises her voice, finally looking up at me. "I just need to phone Dawson's!"

"Ok." I reply calmly, and she looks apologetic, tears flickering in her eyes. I lean down to kiss her forehead, breathing in her scent for a moment, before letting go. "I'll be out here if you need me."

 **Carla**

"I'm fine sweetheart, I promise." I repeat, down the phone, as I stare blankly at the computer screen. "I'm finishing up now."

"Do we need more nail varnish remover?" I can hear her scanning the shelves.

"...I don't know." I sigh, voicing the fact that, with everything going on, I hadn't had the chance to check the stock of the bathroom cabinet. "Chelle I've got to go, there's another caller on the line. It's probably Hanlon asking about materials again. I thought he'd call at this time."

"Ok, don't work too hard please." Her tone is caring. "I love you."

"I love you too." I hang up the call, switching to the other line. "Hello Underworld?"

"Carla?" I freeze at the sound of a gruff, begrudging voice.

"...Rob?"

"I haven't got long. I heard the news." He continues, as if we hadn't last spoken over two years ago. I try to moisten my mouth, to produce some words, but they were swallowed up by shock. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"...Why?" I stupidly respond, not even understanding my reply myself.

"Because... He was your brother... And I've been lying here thinking that, if that was you, I'd be beside myself." He answers, and I go quiet, absorbing the sound of his voice. "So... I just wanted to tell you."

"...Thanks." I close my eyes, trying to get my head around how this had come about.

"I've got to go." He muffles, and I am about to hang up the call, before a thought draws me back. I needed to say it. If this had taught me anything, it was that life was too short to hold grudges, especially against family. And if I didn't say it now, who knows if I'd ever get the chance to say it again.

"Rob?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I swallow, and it's his turn to go quiet. "...I miss you. I love you."

"I love you too." He finally returns, sincerity in his tone, before the line beeps out and I am left holding the receiver limply in my hand.

* * *

"Right thank you ladies." I try to put on my usual dominating tone, with a hint of false brightness, as I stand against the open door of Underworld.

"Carla if there's anything any of us can do-" Fiz begins again, following a chorus of farewells from the other staff.

"Just turn up on time." My voice is involuntarily fed up, the words almost slurring as if I'd had a drink. I guess I was drunk, but on grief, and that was harder than any scotch or whiskey I could keep in the filing cabinet.

"How could you?" A child shouts, as I turn to lock the door of the factory, and I flick my head around in surprise, to see Summer glaring at me.

"Sorry?" I freeze on the steps for a moment, confused as to whether she was actually talking to me. I knew her and Aidan had been close the past few months. If I took a guess at it, I'd say she probably had some teenage crush on him. She'd lost so many people, similar to me, I wondered how she'd taken this loss.

"Well he's only been dead a day!" She begins to raise her voice at me, taking me aback. "And all you care about is the stupid factory?"

"Summer!" Billy scolds, placing a hand on her shoulder, looking appalled at her outburst.

"It's ok." I assure him, keeping calm under the circumstances. "Summer that's what... Aidan would have wanted." I point back towards the factory, trying to be careful with how I phrased it. If there was anything mothering Simon had taught me, it was that children definitely weren't stupid, especially kids like him and Summer, who had the mindset of a twenty year old at times. "I mean, he wanted the factory to do well."

"Well if he cared about it so much, then why'd he kill himself?" She suddenly shoots back at me, and it hits me hard. I didn't know how the words of a thirteen year old could be so agonising for me to hear, but it makes my expression freeze, with just the soft wind blowing through my hair slightly. "Maybe he didn't even want the flipping factory!" She storms off, and I stare into space for a moment, absorbing her words.

"I am... I'm so sorry..." Billy swallows, clapping his hands together, as he stares at me apologetically. "She's not dealing with this very well..." He trails off, realising I had no intentions to answer him, or no words to formulate, before heading off in the same direction Summer ran off in. I stand before the factory, unable to move my feet for a moment. Remembering the time that, in this very spot, Aidan bought me some rubbish, cheap car, when my own was repossessed. At the time, I was mortified. But he wanted to do something nice for me. When he'd only known me a matter of days. He wanted to show me that life wasn't all about the image, and at that point, it was about getting my mental health back on track. About saving me. Reaching out before I did something stupid. Before I went to the quarry. At a time when I was so close to ending it all.

I'd scoffed. All I'd cared about was getting back to the casino. Throwing my life away. All I wanted was to jump off that cliff. He'd come out of nowhere, invested in the business, pulled me back from the brink, shown me there was reason to struggle on. He'd saved me. Then, and so many other times.

And the one opportunity for me to return the favour, I couldn't even notice the signs.

"Carla?" Michelle's voice drags me back to reality, and my instinct is to turn away from it, push it away. I told myself I wouldn't do this, but I run back towards the factory, unlocking the door and slamming it behind me. I fall back against the wall, bursting into floods of tears, pulling my knees up to my chest.

I don't know why I convince myself my plan has worked. Even if I had locked the door behind me, Michelle had keys.

"I want to be on my own." I tell her, through tears, as the door opens a crack and she closes it behind her, looking down at me.

"That's fine." She replies, which surprises me. "But can you go somewhere other than the doormat to do that?"

"...Why?" I sniff, like a little kid.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt here if someone opens the door."

"Nobody will." I deny, following the dent in the floor that runs down the tiling. I wait for her to leave, knowing she won't. She leans back against the door, the singular ray of evening light seeping through the square of glass, reflecting off her cheek. I watch her, exhale, close her eyes in thought. I hated this. I didn't want to act like a kid. I didn't want to be weak so she couldn't be. "I don't want to be on my own."

"I know." She admits, quietly. "That's why I'm still here."

"...Did I do the wrong thing? Opening the factory?" I ask, because Summer's words had bitterly entered my head and now I couldn't reject them.

"No, not if it's what you want." She says softly, and it calms me. "And I know Aidan would be proud of you."

"...Would he?" My voice cracks at the words, realising how much I needed to hear them. I look up at her with craving, her eyes meeting mine, the honesty in them being conveyed, as she nods her head sincerely. I squeeze my eyes shut, as more tears silently roll down my cheeks. I sense her kneeling next to me. "This hurts."

"I know." I suddenly hear her start to cry, and it's the first time she's properly done so. I open my eyes to see how vulnerable her expression is. She looks disappointed in herself, which is something that upsets me more. "Sorry."

"No." I shake my head at the sound of apology. We sounded like we were seven and eight again, we may as well be. "No don't say that. Please."

"I've been thinking about him all day." She cries, and I have to swallow some of my susceptibility, for her sake. "I can't stop. The night of the party, we were talking. He was sat, drinking his bottle of beer. He was laughing. How can that change overnight? How can it go from that... To this?"

"Johnny's convinced something must have happened after the party." I whisper, pulling myself together slightly at the urgency to do so. "Or that night at least. Something that pushed him over the edge."

"I should have asked him." Michelle starts to shake, and it worries me more. "Why did I not ask him?"

"Chelle, none of us knew." I try to reason with her, although she seems defiant to think otherwise.

"I'm so stupid." She weeps, as her hands shake uncontrollably, and I sit up, suddenly aware of how unstable she seemed. She'd been bottling this up, and now it was overflowing.

"Ok, breathe, darlin'." I take her hands in mine, squeezing them gently, trying to steady her. "Michelle?" I try to calm her, as she panics further, her breathing rapid. "You're scaring me, look at me." I enforce and she finally raises her head. "Ok, it's ok, it's ok." I speak clearly. "Deep breaths." She begins to follow my lead, inhaling and exhaling as I tell her to. "Alright?" Her head falls onto my shoulder, once she has calmed a little, and she cries into me, her sobs muffled, as she dampens the shoulder of my jacket. "It's ok, let it out." I soothe her, my hand gliding up and down her back. I wait for ages until her cries have slowed, and instead, I just rock her. Her hair was so soft and sweet smelling against me. The scent of her perfume eases my broken heart the tiniest bit. She was safety. She was love.

"So much for me being strong for you." She finally says, as I pull away, cupping her face in my hands.

"You don't need to be strong for me." I assure her. "We've got each other. Yes?"

"Yes." She nods, swallowing as her eyes mirror mine.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Um..." She pauses, clearly remembering something. "They're all at our flat."

"Who?"

"Johnny, Jenny, Kate, Rana." She lists. "I told them I wouldn't be long. They're probably wondering where I am."

"Why are they at ours?" I ask, confused as to why we were holding some kind of dinner party, now of all times.

"They said they need to phone around, tell people, you know?" She tells me, as I wipe the smudged mascara from under her eyes with my finger. "Oh God... I haven't told Ryan. Do you think mum and dad will have told him?"

"I don't know." The thought slips my mind, as I stand up, holding my hand out for Michelle to take and helping her up.

"Do I look a state?" She shields her face with her hands, and I pull them away, the smallest smile appearing at how endearing it was. "Do you still love me?"

"Don't be silly." I manage a laugh, and she smiles in response. I watch her for a moment, producing a tissue from my pocket and gently grazing it under her eyes and along her cheeks. She gazes at me lovingly as I do so, unable to take her eyes off my caring actions. I finally scrunch the tissue in my hand, observing her. "There. Nobody would have guessed."

She doesn't say anything, she just stares back at me, before leaning in to kiss my lips, her body gently pressing me against the wall. She doesn't stay there long, as much as I want her to, but I knew it would be a bad idea when both of us were hurting so much, to take anything any further.

"We'd best go." She glances at the clock. "They'll be wondering where we are."

 **Michelle**

"Johnny..." Carla hesitates, after hanging up the phone, and leaning on the back of his chair. "Everybody's asking about the funeral."

We had been phoning around relatives and friends who hadn't heard the news for about half an hour. It was quite possibly the most painful thing to have to do, and I could tell it was straining Carla's abilities to remain strong for Kate and Johnny.

"...Should I bury my boy?" Johnny sighs, hardly able to speak the words. "Or burn him? What a choice."

"Come on Johnny, why don't we go for a walk, hey?" I stand up, knowing that staying cooped up in the flat wasn't helping things.

"I'm going to check the CCTV at streetcars." He decides, getting up.

"I'll come with you." Jenny tells him, shooting us a supportive glance, before they leave the flat. I watch Carla tap something out on her keyboard, the quiet sounds of the TV that Kate and Rana were hardly watching, zoning in and out of my thoughts.

"Right I'm going to persuade Capley's to move delivery back a fortnight." Carla continues, narrowing her eyes at her laptop as she clicks the pen in her hand. I admire her attitude so much, her determination, it was something I loved about her most.

"...Have you eaten?" I finally ask, after staring at her for a few seconds.

"Yes m'am." She responds smartly, not looking me in the eye.

"Liar." I lower my voice, and she looks up at me, as I raise my eyebrows slightly. "I'll tell Roy."

"Chelle I'm fine." She sighs, fatigue woven into her grieving eyes. "Besides, I've got Aidan's kidney haven't I? Gotta make it count."

"Have you taken your medication today?" I suddenly remember and she pauses, which answers my question. "Carla?" I persist in a warning tone.

"I forgot."

"Did you take it yesterday?" I continue and she puts her head in her hands.

"No, I took it the day before."

"You heard the doctor; forgetting to take it could result in a massive step back in your treatment." I get up to find it. "You need to take care of yourself."

"Well I've had a lot to deal with, Michelle!" She suddenly snaps, and Kate finally turns her head around to face us.

"Aidan wouldn't have wanted you to-"

"Will you shut up about what Aidan would have wanted?" Carla shouts at me, and her anger hits me hard, my eyes welling up involuntarily. I lean back against the cupboards, fighting against the ache in my throat to stop me from crying again.

"Yeah... I mean, he's a real pillar of the community." Kate pipes up quietly. "Especially putting everyone out of a job."

"Kate!" Carla argues calmly. "Have some compassion."

"Why?" She continues, standing up and putting her hands in her pockets. "The most selfish man in history has just killed himself, we've got nothing to hide-"

"Kate!" Carla screams, standing up, as the chair rocks backwards precariously. "Will you shut your mouth?"

"Carla she didn't mean it." I murmur, from the corner of the room, my voice cracking.

"I hate him." She continues.

"No you don't." Carla tells her.

"Stop acting as if you know me!" Kate screams. "You don't know me at all. You don't know me, and you didn't know Aidan!"

"Kate that's enough!" Rana cuts her off, as my eyes dart to Carla's hurt expression.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Kate bursts into tears, as Rana gets up to hug her. "I'm just so angry with him."

"I know, I know." Carla softens, going over, as Rana takes a step back and Kate falls into Carla's arms. She sways her for a few minutes, mumbling things to her, as Rana and I exchange awkward glances. Eventually, I turn around to mess with the saucepans, taking the lasagna I had been heating up out of the oven, and assembling some plates on the counter. I have to try and busy myself, so tears don't spill from my eyes.

"Do you want a hand with anything?" Rana offers, approaching me.

"If you could do a jug of water?" I smile appreciatively, as she sets about the task. "Left hand cupboard." I shift my gaze sideways subtly, as she runs the cold tap. "I'm glad Kate's got you." I lower my voice, and she gratefully bows her head. "She's uh... She's taking this badly, it's not a reflection on her as a person."

"I know." Rana murmurs, which relieves me. "It's understandable."

I'm about to open my mouth to make further conversation, before the door clicks and Johnny returns, Jenny trailing after him. I sense they've had some kind of argument, but then again, who hadn't?

"Any luck?" I dare to ask and he just shrugs.

"I tried having a word with Toyah." He explains, as Carla finally lets go of Kate and they turn to take part in the discussion. "I remembered he went back there that night, said someone had split wine on his coat."

"That was me." Carla whispers, her voice hoarse. "I'd apologised and said I'd buy him a new one, he told me there was no need... Now I know why."

"...She said he had seemed fine when she spoke to him." Johnny tries to divert Carla's comment, to prevent him from getting upset again. "So it must have been something after that, which pushed him over the edge."

"Maybe he'd been on a downwards spiral for months." I input, guiltily, because I couldn't forgive the fact I had secretly picked up on something being wrong for a long time beforehand. The thought didn't leave my mind, in fact, the sickening feeling in my stomach hadn't faded. All I kept seeing was that expression in the hospital, his dimmed eyes, bowed head, the look of panic and despair. Something I could have prevented, and didn't. "...I've made dinner." I finally crawl out of my thoughts, invading the sullen faces around me. "Um... Help yourself."

"I'm not that hungry, but thanks Michelle." Johnny looks grateful, as he falls back on to the sofa.

"Hey?" I feel Carla next to me, having not noticed her approaching my side. "I'm sorry..." She whispers, pulling on my hand slightly, so we were out of earshot of the others. I gradually fold my arms around her neck, and she nestles into my shoulder, indulging in the gentle rocking sensation for a moment, before I pull away and cup my face in her hands. "Sorry."

"Will you eat something, please?" I beg her, and she looks around to study the food. "And take your medication?"

"Ok, ok." She gives in, letting go of me and reaching for where her tablets lay on the top of the microwave. "Happy?"

"No." I respond and she immediately looks awful, as I nudge her gently. "But it's a start."

"Who did you manage to contact?" Johnny asks from the dining table, as Kate stirs a fork around her plate disinterestedly. Rana eats it elegantly, whilst Jenny wolfs it down.

"We got everyone except Auntie Anya didn't we?" I hand Carla a plate of food and she nods, sitting down next to me. "And uh, babe you should probably consider contacting Rob."

"Already have." She replies, which shocks me, and everyone turns to look at her.

"What you called him?" I exclaim. "You never said."

"No, he called me." She reveals, cutting up the lasagne into pieces, to avoid eating it. "He'd already heard the news apparently, I don't know how."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Fine." Carla shrugs, shaking off any emotion she wanted to express. "No big deal."

"Well he's your brother." Jenny prompts her, as if the fact had slipped her mind amongst everything.

"Yeah well, there's only one brother I'm focusing on right now." Carla looks up, forcing a bright tone. "And what's important is keeping his factory afloat."

 **Carla**

"Large glass of red." I dump my bag on the counter of the Rovers, scanning the pub to check none of the machinists were around, having their usual evening gossip after clocking off.

"Girlfriend not with you?" Leanne asks in a bitchy tone, and I shoot her a look.

"Evidently not." I glance behind me, and she hesitates before softening slightly.

"...I'm sorry about your brother." She admits and I just nod, taking the drink from her and taking a long gulp of it.

"How's Eva doing?" I dare to ask, as she awkwardly faffs with the till to prevent making direct conversation.

"Not brilliant." Leanne responds, handing me the change. "...It's a shock."

"Yeah." I swallow, picking the drink up and intending to find a table, before noticing the suitcase behind her. "She hasn't unpacked yet then?"

"Oh, no that's Toyah's." She shrugs, looking as confused as me. "I don't know what's going on, they've had a spat over something."

"She's not moving out?"

"Trust me, I know as much as anybody else." She mutters. "The amount of secrets that seem to have been flying around this place recently. I've left the three of them to it."

"Three of them?" I narrow my eyes.

"Yeah, Eva's in the back and all." She tells me, and I realise it's the first proper conversation we've had in a long time, which doesn't involve drenching each other in bitter. "Muggins here has been left to man the bar."

"Hello." I hear Roy's gentle voice, turning to smile at him in greeting. "I'm not late?"

"No, I came early." I tell him. "I needed some space from everything going on in the flat. What are you drinking?"

"Orange juice will be suffice." He counts the change in his hand.

"Put that away." I place my hand over his, as Leanne takes the hint and begins to prepare it.

"So..." Roy begins, before realising there wasn't a lot to say, in regards to my wellbeing.

"I'm... Dealing with it." I respond to his unasked question, trying to summarise the mess of emotions in my head. "Sorry I haven't had chance to talk to you properly yet. Thanks for your help on Wednesday."

"You really have no need to apologise for anything." He assures me, taking the orange juice from Leanne and following me over to the nearest table. "I just wish I could be of more value at this time."

"Roy, you are." I sigh, drumming my fingers on the base of my glass. "This is enough. I needed some space. I'm just trying to focus on the business, I don't want it going under, I don't know, I feel like Aidan put so much into that place, it would be his hard work... Gone." I linger on the word, before trying to brighten myself again. "Plus, it's a distraction, so."

"If it's your preferred method of coping." Roy agrees with me, trying to be sensitive with how he phrases it. "I know how much you love that factory." He adds, as I continue to stare at the table, lost in thought. "How is Michelle?"

"Oh, you know what? She's been amazing." I look back at him. "Incredible. I mean, it's so hard for her, but she's stayed so strong for me. I actually feel guilty." I'm glad I can finally open up to somebody about this. "Her and Aidan were so close. I don't know, I feel like she hasn't had the opportunity to grieve, because of Kate and Johnny in particular. And then because I've been putting a brave face on it for them, she's been doing the same for me."

"People cope in different ways." Roy inserts, gently.

"She said that." I nod, memorising everyone's reactions. "Johnny's so broken, bursting into tears, constantly asking why. Kate's full of anger and denial. Jenny's doing all the faffing and saying all the things nobody wants to say out loud. I'm keeping it as contained as I can. Maybe it hasn't properly hit Michelle yet. It just shows, doesn't it? How different reactions can be..."

"Loss is cruel." Roy finally answers, once my head is in my hands exasperatedly. "And I can't particularly speak on behalf of the rest of your family but, I'd like to think I have a decent education in your wellbeing by now, and I know from experience that keeping things contained can sometimes not be the healthy option for you to take."

"I've had moments of emotion." I assure him. "Usually with Michelle. That's why I feel so bad... She broke down earlier, it's the first time she has. But it almost scared me, as if she'd been holding it in and it suddenly erupted. She was shaking and hyperventilating. I just hope she realises within time that she doesn't have to try and bottle it up." I finish, glancing at him and realising from his expression that I had basically reiterated the advice he would usually give me. Perhaps Aidan's kidney had blessed me with a more mature mindset when it came to these kinds of revelations. "So... Anyway, how's the café?" I try to divert the subject, craving a different topic of conversation. "How's Brian?"

"Brian?" He repeats, baffled at my interest. He is about to continue his answer to my question, before there is a smash from the back room, followed by raised voices.

"I said get out!" I hear Peter, and my head snaps around. "I need some space, some time."

"Peter, please-" I hear Toyah beg, as Leanne abandons the bar, sheer misunderstanding written into her expression. The voices hush a little, and it's Peter who next appears, alone, his eyes tinted red from the urge to cry. I debate whether to go over and ask if he's ok, before remembering I had enough on my plate without getting involved. His eyes fixate on mine, and my plans are soon deflated as he approaches me.

"I need to talk to you." His voice is low, and I slowly guide my head around, double checking he wasn't aiming it at someone else. "Please, Carla?"

"Me?" I frown, shifting my gaze to Roy. "...Why?"

"It's important." He swallows. I'd been given a lot of apologetic looks the last few days, but this topped them all. His eyes conveyed so much dismay and urgency. "In private."

"Peter..." I trail off. "Look, I hate to be rude but if you're having relationship issues, I'd really rather you discussed them with... I don't know, Steve or somebody... I've got quite a bit on my mind at the moment."

"It has to be you." He tells me firmly, and I can feel my heart beating faster with some concoction of nerves, confusion and fear. "You need to know this. You need to know this now."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Lots of drama to come in the next chapter!**_


	21. Blame

**Chapter 21:**

 _ **A/N: Trying to get these up on the day of the next episode, so I can both write ahead and include elements from the last episode. I'm trying to fit this in around the current storylines, so I hope peole don't mind me including scenes from the episodes and adjusting them. Let me know if you prefer original material or adaptations!**_

 **Carla**

"There's no easy way to say this." Peter continues to debate with himself, as I follow him through to the back.

"Well... Just say it, I mean..." I close the door behind me, studying his expression.

"I know that now isn't the best time, but I can't keep this from you. Not with everything going on."

"Look... If you're going to confess your undying love for me, and that's why you and Toyah are, you know-"

"Peter, don't." Eva appears from the kitchen, looking tired and worn, misery encasing her aura.

"Don't what?" My eyes drift between them. "Ok, you're scaring me now. Just say it." I wait in the delayed silence. "...Is it something about Aidan?" I force myself to look at Eva, and the way she dips her head answers for her. "What? If you know something, I need to know-"

"You're an auntie." Peter's words hit me and I see Eva squeeze her eyes shut. It takes me a few seconds to understand what he has said, never mind try and figure out the context of it.

"I'm sorry?" I narrow my eyes.

"Suzie, our daughter... Well, she's not our daughter at all... She's Aidan's."

 **Michelle**

The hawkish chill hits me as I step outside Victoria Court, and I wrap my jacket around me tighter, underestimating the bleakness of the May evening. It had been warm yesterday, temperatures seemed to rocket, weather opposing from day to day.

I needed some space, time to clear my head. The muffled cries and angry screams still engraved in my mind. I smile briefly at Craig and Bethany as they pass me, taking a seat on Maxine's bench and staring blankly at Audrey's advertisement board outside the door. I needed to talk to someone, someone who understood but not to the knowledge of my family.

"Hi." I awkwardly smile, as I push the door open to Audrey's and she looks up from the clipboard she is scribbling on.

"Oh hi lovey." Audrey looks apologetic. "Sorry, we're actually closing if you wanted a hair appointment. I can book you in for-

"I don't want a hair appointment." I stop her and she nods understandingly. "Is Maria in?"

"You've just missed her." She explains and I feel myself sink. "Liam's got a school show or something, she got off about ten minutes ago."

"Oh ok." I respond quietly. "Not to worry."

"Can I give her a message?"

"No don't worry about it Audrey." I wave her off before leaving, heading back out onto the street. I lean back against the cool brick for a moment, closing my eyes and trying to block out the world, before a voice drags me back to reality.

"You ok?" I open my eyes to see Robert in front of me, hands wedged in his pockets. "Stupid question. Of course you're not ok. Where's Carla?"

"Talking to Roy." I manage a slight shrug. "At least she's got someone to talk to."

"...You can talk to me?" He offers and I try to prevent myself from scoffing, although tempted at the idea.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I ask, finally looking him in the eye.

"Because I still care about you." He admits, and I awkwardly look away. "I mean, not like that. But you're going through a lot... Everything that's happened, it just shows, what's the point in holding grudges? You need to keep people close."

"Yeah." I just mumble in response and he takes a step closer to me.

"Look, I understand if you don't want to, but I've closed the Bistro early anyway, so if you did want to talk, the offer is there." He tells me, and I tilt my head to the side, dwelling on the opportunity. "Free wine and I'll try not to make a move on you." He adds and I raise an eyebrow at him. "Joke."

"Ok..." I finally agree, following after him. "If you insist."

 **Carla**

"So... Hold on." I fall into the chair next to me, trying to process what I am being told. I open and close my mouth a few times, unsure which of the questions swimming around my mind I was desperate to ask first. "...She's your baby?" I point at Eva and she nods slowly. "...But... I don't understand, I thought you were getting a surrogate from out of town..." I look back at Peter, and he fidgets with his hands.

"She lost the baby." He admits, and I stare down at the floor. "I've only just found this out today. Toyah lied to me this whole time."

"I thought I was doing the right thing." Eva cries, and Peter gives her no sympathy. "I didn't want a baby, Toyah did, it all made sense."

"Yeah to you." Peter argues, forcing back tears. "You were going to keep this from me forever. Pretending that a completely different child was my own, without telling me that my baby..." He trails off, glancing at my bewildered expression.

"...I'm sorry, I can't." I stand up abruptly, knowing I had to leave the situation, nausea crippling inside of me. I storm out of the back room, practically running out of the pub and almost knocking Kate over as I leave the Rovers. The same way I almost had with Aidan, that very night.

"Carla?" She looks shocked, which just conveys that I probably look a state. "What's happened?"

"Nothing." I drag a hand across my cheek, eliminating the stray tears from it.

"Carla?" I hear my name again as the door opens and Roy appears. "Has Peter upset you?"

"I don't, I don't..." I try to summarise everything into a sentence, as Kate attempts to read my expression. "...Aidan was a dad." I finally admit, and it's as if I see my original reaction on the face of another person. The confusion that crosses her face, her mind trying to figure it out.

"A what?" She swallows, and I know the calmness was only temporary. At this point in time she was extremely hot-headed, and as soon as the facts absorbed, the emotion building up would explode.

"Eva had a baby. Aidan's baby." My voice is shaky as I relay the news I have been hit with. "Her and Toyah cooked up this plan to pretend it was Peter's surrogate child. I don't know... Basically, that baby, in there, is... Would have been... Aidan's-" I have no time to finish what I am trying to explain to both myself, Kate and Roy, because she storms past me, knocking the door open. I go after her, my eyes clapping on Toyah's, stood with a suitcase behind the bar.

"Tell me this isn't true." Kate warns her, her fist shaking at her side.

"I..." Toyah begins, her eyes darting between us.

"Did he know?" She persists, which was a question I hadn't asked, and was now urging to know the answer to. Peter appears behind her, looking lost within himself, as Eva joins Toyah at her side. "DID HE KNOW?" Kate shouts, hammering her hand on the bar and the pub falls silent.

"...It's complicated." Eva responds through tears.

"How is it complicated?" I snap. "It's a yes or no question. Did he know?"

"...I told him months ago, yes." She swallows and somehow I guess there is more, before she's said it. "But... He seemed so angry... I then told him it wasn't his."

"You what?" Kate's voice quivers.

"...I think he knew... That night..." She dares to continue. "He came to see me... After Toyah let him hold Suzie... He said-"

"Hold on." I stop her, narrowing my eyes at Toyah. "You told Johnny that nothing happened that night... You let him hold his own daughter? You didn't think to mention it?"

"I-"

"Our brothers dead!" Kate screams, attracting the full attention from all the customers. "He took his own life and we're grieving. We're trying to understand why, and you keep lying?" She lowers her voice menacingly. "When our dad, _Aidan's_ dad, came to you for answers, you lied to his face. When you knew why he did it. He did it because of you."

"Kate you don't know that." I squeeze my eyes shut so I don't have to see the hurt in Eva's expression.

"He told me he loved me that night." Eva tries to justify herself. "He told me that whatever I did with the baby, it would be the right thing. He danced with me. He said goodbye. I should have known, I should have... I loved him." She admits and it makes me soften.

"Eva, I'm not mad at you." The words slip out of my mouth, and she looks shocked.

"What?" Kate snaps.

"I know you loved Aidan." I tell her and she nods believably, as I glance across at Toyah. "But you were willing to bring up my brothers baby? Claiming it as your own? That's why you wouldn't let him hold her that night, in here? Isn't it?" I accuse her and she freezes. "Yeah. I remember. You thought he'd clock it and ruin your plans."

"Let me see her." Kate suddenly demands, and I put a hand on her shoulder.

"Kate, I don't think that's a good idea."

"I need to Carla." She looks at me frantically. "I need to see her. She's the piece of Aidan we've still got. She's our niece. Family." She looks back at Toyah. "I need to see the face that he saw, before he took his own life."

"Ok." Peter quietly pipes up, leaving, as Toyah begins to break down.

"She's not yours!" Kate shouts at her, rubbing salt in the wound. "She's not yours and she never will be!"

"Kate!" I cut her off. "What good is this doing?"

"Here." Peter reappears, Suzie wrapped in his arms, and I tense up as he approaches us, handing her carefully to Kate. I look over her shoulder for a second, before turning away, my eyes stinging with tears.

There was no doubt about it. She was Aidan's daughter.

 **Michelle**

"So, we have two options." Robert pours the dark liquid into a glass, passing it to me and I stare at it for a moment, the plum sea swimming before me. "We can either talk about how you're feeling, or, we can talk about something completely different to take your mind off it."

"Like?"

"Like... Daniel's got this old woman living with him." He searches for something to talk about. "He was telling me about how it's caused friction between him and Adam, apparently she drank his apple juice at breakfast and then threw the rest away-"

"I feel so guilty because I noticed something was up with Aidan and I never said anything." I cut Robert off, and he pauses, mouth still hanging open. He places the bottle down on the counter, pulling a nearby chair out and sitting down opposite.

"Ok, talk me through." He links his fingers on the table, as if preparing himself.

"Months ago, in the hospital." I start to explain, calmer this time. "I started to notice him... I don't know, slipping. Worried glances here and there. I thought it was stress about the donation at that point. With everything going on with Carla, I didn't think to ask. I guess I was worried he'd back out. But then I noticed afterwards as well, I'd meet his gaze at some points, and I think perhaps... Maybe, he knew I'd picked up on it." I tilt my head forwards, lowering it into my hands, relieved I was finally letting this out, but the sickening feeling intensifying as I did so. "I was going to ask him, the night he... We were having this heart to heart. He asked me if I'd always take care of Carla. Telling me that if anyone was going to run the factory with her, it should be me. And a few days before he was teaching me this software at Underworld, as if I needed to know it for the future, in case he wasn't there. I was about to ask him about it all. The looks, the grand gestures, the change in his mood... And then our family all came over and..." Tears start to roll down my cheeks as I relive it. "And that was it, that was the last I said to him... I should have known. I should have. Why didn't I just ask him?"

"Michelle." He says gently, reaching out to put his hand over mine and I don't retract. "This is not your fault. This was Aidan's choice. There's very few people who would have seen the odd worried look, especially under the circumstances at the time, and jumped to that conclusion."

"But I was going to ask him." I sob, tears now pouring down my cheeks, as I push my chair back, standing up and pacing the Bistro. "If I'd had a little more time."

"That's what everyone's going to dwell on; time. The what if's." Robert tries to calm me. "If somebody is prepared to take their own life, often it means they've been in that place for a very long period. Days, weeks, months more, it's unlikely that would have changed that."

"...I just can't bear seeing what it's doing to my family." I admit, leaning up against the wooden pillar. "The last few months, years, since they've moved to Weatherfield. We've been so tight knit. We've defended each other, looked after each other, laughed together, cried together. I just don't think it's ever going to be the same. I don't think it's sunk in yet that... Aidan's gone..." I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand as I force the words out of my mouth. "He's gone. He's gone."

"Ok, ok." Robert wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest as I cry into him. He doesn't even say anything, just stands there for as long as I need, swaying me, comforting me. The world goes on outside. Lives carry on. Time passes. Time fades.

 **Carla**

"Where have you been?" I stand up abruptly, as the flat door finally opens. "I've been worried! I've been calling your phone."

"I just... Went out for a walk." She stammers, as I realise how broken her expression was. "...Sorry."

"You've been crying." I observe and she nods slowly. She looked so vulnerable all of a sudden. I just wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout." I sigh, going over to her and holding her for a moment. "Baby, you're freezing. Where have you been? Come here." I take her jacket off, wrapping a blanket around her and she smiles appreciatively.

"I uh, I went to find Maria..." She trails off. "I couldn't find her... So Robert asked if I wanted to go to the Bistro for a chat."

"Robert." I scoff, and her eyes dart down to the floor. "He must be delirious if he thinks you'd want to talk to him." I finish, noticing her expression. "...You did talk to him." I realise, trying to swallow the jealousy that was so unnecessary, particularly at this point in time. "Oh."

"I just... Needed to vent."

"You can vent to me." I argue with her. "I'm your girlfriend, that's what I'm for."

"I know that, but I meant, someone who I won't upset by doing so." She says hesitantly, and I can't help feeling slightly hurt. "Someone who isn't feeling the same as me."

"Right." I just mutter shortly, and she gazes at me apologetically.

"He was really helpful." She tries to justify, even though it doesn't help in the slightest.

"Was he?" I snap, storming off into the bedroom. "That's nice." I slam the door behind me, tipping my head back against it. I didn't even care. Why did I care? Why was I taking my emotions out on any possible reason except the direct one? My head was a mess. I got back here wanting to tell Michelle everything about Toyah, Peter, Eva, the baby. Only to find an empty flat.

I stay there until my feet ache from my persistence to keep myself upright, before finally turning to place my hand on the door handle.

She's sat in the armchair, tissue in hand, smudged mascara on her cheeks. It was only a matter of time until she broke like this, she needed me, like she'd supported me for months, through my illness, through the last few days, and the one time I could be there for her, I was being selfish as always; pushing her away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I whisper, kneeling in front of her and resting my forehead on her knees as I gather thought. "I understand."

"I shouldn't have spoken to him." She swallows, letting me win, as she very often does. Well this time it wasn't about winning or losing. "I should have told you, what I told him."

"No, no." I sweep a finger across her cheek. "You don't have to justify yourself. It's not up to me who you confide in. It's the hurt talking, I'm lashing out like I said I wouldn't."

"It's your nature." She says quietly. "That's what I took on."

"Well I think you're crazy."

"For you." She smiles slightly and it makes me dip my head into her lap again, taking her hand in mine. "I need to tell you something."

"I need to tell you something and all..." I remember, knowing I couldn't hide it from her, even if emotions were high. "It's big."

"Go on then." She gazes at me, worriedly.

"Hang on, no, you go first." I realise I'm doing it again.

"It's not important." She fiddles with my hand. "At least not as important as this sounds."

"...Ok..." I swallow, bracing myself. "Um, ok..."

"Carla?" She whispers, narrowing her eyes as if trying to figure out the impossible.

"...I don't actually know how to say this." I tell her. "Um... Aidan... Had a daughter. Suzie."

"Suzie?" She repeats, catching up with my words. "As in... As in Peter and Toyah's baby?"

"Yeah except, she's not Peter and Toyah's baby." I am gentle as I phrase it. "She's Aidan and Eva's baby."

"I don't understand." She shakes her head slightly.

"Ok. Ok." I nod, trying to clear my thoughts so I could explain it with more clarity. "This is what I know; Eva was pregnant with Aidan's baby. Toyah and Peter's surrogate lost their baby, and because Eva didn't want her own, her and Toyah came up with some plan to pretend Eva's baby was her and Peter's." I realise I'm confusing myself trying to explain it. "Aidan didn't know it was his baby until the night... He held her. Eva's so overcome with guilt, she's revealed all to Peter tonight and he's kicked Toyah out. He then told me all of this, I'm still trying to understand it myself. Kate knows. She's angry, I told her not to tell Johnny yet, until it's all sunk in a bit more... I'm sorry, it's really hard to explain."

"So... Aidan's the father of the baby Peter and Toyah were planning to bring up, but he didn't realise until the night of the party?" She summarises, and I realise that would have been a simpler explanation, nodding in response. "So... You're an auntie?"

"Yeah." I whisper, trying to come to terms with the title. "Johnny's a grandad."

"...Do you think that's why Aidan..." She gulps, unable to finish the sentence and I close my eyes, trying to block out the thought.

"I don't know. I don't know." I sigh. "All I know is that Toyah Battersby has got a lot to answer for."

"She knew it was his baby and she hid it from him. She claimed it as her own." Michelle relays my own thoughts. "Aidan always wanted to be a dad... I remember how excited he was when Eva first pretended she was pregnant."

"I remember him telling me on the phone." I recall, hearing his voice in the back of my mind. "All the plans he had... The future..."

"Where is she now?" Michelle asks. "The baby, I mean?"

"Leanne and Peter are taking care of her. It took a lot to pull Kate away... Michelle... She looks so much like Aidan."

"...A few days old and she's already lost her dad." She whispers, hair falling over her face as she tips herself forwards, her forehead meeting our intertwined hands. I kiss the top of her head, kneeling there in silence for a moment, before standing up.

"Come here." I beckon, as I sit down on the sofa, and she follows to sit in my lap. I wrap my arms around her still shivering frame, rocking her against me gently.

"I can't believe it." She admits, as I plant kisses into her hair. "Everything seems so surreal. It just gets more complicated the more we look at it... He had a baby girl. You've got a niece."

" _We've_ got a niece." I prompt her, nudging her gently, and I notice from her expression that the phrase offers her some kind of comfort. "You'll be marrying me soon. You'll have to take on all these titles as well."

"About the wedding." She brings up. "...I want to marry you more than anything, you know I do. But, I think we should-"

"Hey, hey." I rest a finger over her lips, and she sighs, looking up at me as she leans her head in my chest. "I know. We can wait as long as we need. No rush, is there?"

"Ok." She manages a small smile. "So, when are you going to tell Johnny?"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow." I decide. "He's not in a good place. However I go about this, it's going to shock him."

* * *

 **Michelle**

"She has the television on all night." I pick at the lid on the latte I had just purchased, leant up against the wall outside the café, as Roy fiddles with a rubber glove. "I hear her padding around. Then when she finally does come to bed, she doesn't sleep. She's had two nightmares since it happened. I suppose... You can't erase the images she's seen. I just wish there was something we could do."

"You could stop her from throwing herself back into work too soon." He suggests, as the breeze billows through his hair. "She's not ready."

"Yeah but Carla's always been a grafter." I point out, knowing there was no use in even trying to work on his suggestion. "If there's one thing that can take her mind off Aidan, it's getting her nose stuck to the grindstone."

"The original immovable object."

"Yeah well, I'll try and keep my eye on her as best I can-"

"You talking about me?" I hear the door slam behind me, turning to face her.

"No." I say abruptly, and she narrows her eyes.

"Rubbish. Liar." She accuses, in a surprisingly relaxed tone.

"I didn't know you were in there."

"Well I had to go up to Roy's to get my post." She holds up a brown envelope. "Somebody clearly doesn't know my new address. Anyway, I can't chat. I've got a factory to run."

"Well hang on a moment." I stop her as she begins to walk away, and I notice my eyes drifting down to check her out involuntarily, which Roy seems to notice. I give a slight cough, as she turns to face me, pushing the hair out of her face. "I'm coming now." I momentarily acknowledge the worried glance Roy is giving us both, before trailing after her. "Slow down."

"I'm gonna be late."

"You own the place, you can't be late."

" _We_ own the place." She emphasises. "We've got to keep this place on its feet, for Aidan."

 **Carla**

"So I'll sit him down, buy him a drink, try and make small talk about something else before I raise the topic." Carla plans, as we head towards the Bistro, hands linked.

"What am I supposed to do while you're doing this?" I ask her, as I push the door open.

"You could keep Jenny company?" She suggests, pointing to the bar and I wince. "Or you can tell him with me. Your choice."

"Hi girls." Jenny looks up from her glass, a broad smile on her face which sickens me slightly.

"Girls?" Michelle mutters under her breath and I nudge her gently, as we place our interlinked hands on the bar top.

"Drink?" She offers.

"I'll have a glass of red."

"Orange juice." I add, and Michelle's eyes widen. "Well, I've got to have a clear head for work this afternoon."

"Ok." Jenny mentally takes our orders, swivelling around to the bar before pausing, going back to us. "...Do you have the money for that? Only my bag is over there."

"Oh." I pull my wallet out of my bag.

"Thanks I'll have a white wine." She grins and I pull a face at Michelle. "This one's nearly gone."

"So... How did it go at Aidan's flat?" I try to make conversation, after ordering the drinks. "Sorting his things?"

"He broke down after less than a minute." Her voice softens, as I play with Michelle's fingers for a moment, before looking back at her. "He's just so desperate to understand what happened but he's still in so much pain."

"Well if there's anything we can do?" Michelle offers, squeezing my hand gently as I sigh after observing his hunched over figure.

"Well maybe you can go to the flat?" Jenny suggests, and I try to fight the fear that cripples through me at the thought. "We're still trying to find a good photo for the obituary in the paper."

"Yep, course we can." I force a bright tone, plastering a smile on my face as I glance at Michelle.

"Yeah." She agrees softly. "We can do it this afternoon, can't we babe?"

"Yeah I mean, I've got a few calls to make." I check my phone briefly with my spare hand, before looking at Johnny again. He looked so dazed and broken, there was no way I could drop this on him now. "Jenny we'll see you later."

 **Michelle**

I follow Carla, wishing she'd hold out her hand to me, but not initiating anything in case it made her break down. She was on the verge, but was hiding it very well.

Hesitantly lifting my head, I gaze upon the room where Aidan would have spent his last moments. The room I hadn't set foot in since the day our world, as a family, was blown apart. It seemed so cold, so dim, the washed out white leather of the sofa, greys of the patterns on the wall, made everything seem like a blank canvas. The boxes unpacked, cluttered, unprepared. As if starting a fresh.

"So." Carla breaks into my thoughts, her voice so solid it doesn't waver. She glances across at me, checking my expression, before fidgeting with the keys in her hand to cut the tension.

"...Suppose we better start looking through these boxes, hadn't we?" I try to mirror her strength, not wanting to crack and be the weak one. Even though she could tell from my body language that I was terrified.

I notice her nod briefly beside me, before shaking off the mourning we were both drowning in, and brightening her tone again. "Yeah. Look are you ok getting started, because I've got to make a couple of work calls..." She avoids my gaze as I look up at her, knowing exactly what I wanted to say. "Quickly. Before the end of play... But uh... You don't mind getting started, do you?" She continues to ramble to stop an argument or tears that could easily brew. I didn't have the energy for it. "Do you mind?" She flicks her head around to look at me, as if, for a brief moment, I was just an acquaintance to her. Her gaze shifts against mine.

"No no, it's fine." We continue to lie to each other, claiming stability we didn't have.

"Ok." She whispers, instantly looking away and scanning the room again. "Give me a shout if you find anything will you?" Her body floats past me, no contact being made. Not a squeeze of the hand. Not even a smile. I felt lonely. "I'll just be in here."

I stand clutching my bag for what seems like forever. The chill of the flat seeping through my jacket. The door quietly closes and I turn my head in the direction of it, breathing in the damp, musty smell of misuse, along with the gentle linger of coffee, aftershave, ink... The components that made up that homely smell I missed so much. That would emanate from his shirt when I hugged him. That made this place his home. Once upon a time.

 **Carla**

"You found some then?" I finally leave the bedroom, having checked my make-up was still in tact, after pressing the silent tears against it. I'd concealed it well, my bag was now full of emotion vanishers. Foundation, wipes, the tiny Rubik's cube Rob once gave me that we'd never figured out. Every time I looked at it, it just confused me, which was a distraction from anything else I'd be feeling.

My eyes guide down to the photos on the sideboard and I pick one up, studying it quietly as I feel her gaze on me.

"Yeah." She responds bluntly, but calmly. "And I've nearly finished this box and all... Well that's weird."

"What is?" I look up to notice she's pulling a letter out of the bottom of it.

"Well... That's Aidan's handwriting isn't it?" She holds it up, and I approach her, nodding at the recognition. "Well, this is addressed to Johnny, and it was sent but not opened." She flips it over to show the seal, pausing in thought. "So how come it's ended up here?"

 **Michelle**

"From Ali, to the family." A voice finally intrudes my thoughts, as I hold two mugs to my chest, staring blankly at the large bouquet of blue and white flowers I realise I've been fixated on for five minutes. I shift my gaze, narrowing my eyes at her. "I asked Liz to tell him... I hope you don't mind."

"No." I just respond, shrugging slightly and leaving the situation promptly as I hand a mug to Carla, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

"This was in his flat?" Johnny watches us both, a dressing gown wrapped around his shoulders that he clearly hadn't removed upon the journey from his home to ours.

"Yeah." I reply on behalf of us both. "We didn't know what to do Johnny."

"It's addressed to you." Kate points out, as if the name on the front wasn't obvious enough. Her tone sounds surprisingly calm, probably fatigued from her continuous arguments and meltdowns over the past few days.

"...Do you want me to-" Jenny begins and I glare at her, causing her to shut up. I hear the rough rip of the paper, everyone's breath in their throats, abandoning the isolation Carla and I had for some reason built up and slipping my hand into hers. She doesn't retract, but she doesn't acknowledge it either.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. Aidan." Kate reads, having taken it from Johnny's grip following the prolonged silence.

"Is that all?"

"Pretty much." She says sharply, folding it back up again and pressing her fingers along the crease. "What's the point in that? He's sorry... Wait I... I saw him do it." She starts to panic, her eyes going wide with recollection. "He was with the postman... He was jumpy... He... Said something about a credit card statement. He used your address."

She looks down at Johnny, his face falling, as he tries to muster some words to broadcast all the silent questions floating around the room. "When was this?"

"I don't know I can't remember!" She stresses, starting to cry again.

"Johnny, is there a date on the postmark?" I suggest, a thought popping into my head, and he turns it over, freezing as he reads the date.

"This was sent in February..." He informs us. "He was thinking of doing this in February."

"What happened in February?" Jenny asks and I feel Carla's hand go rigid, the same memory casting over my mind, as I turn to look at her.

"...I was looking for a new kidney." She puts into words and I squeeze her hand, as everyone falls silent. She stands up abruptly, pacing the room, trying to contain all her self-anger, the desperation to scream, cry, throw things. "I come swanning back in to town, like I'm at deaths door and practically force Aidan to give me his kidney!"

"You did no such thing." I stand up to put my arms around her and she pushes me off, backing away.

"Get off." She orders, immediately looking apologetic but not taking it back, as I sit back down on the sofa, laying my head in my hands. "You under-estimate the power of emotional blackmail."

"I was a match too." Kate reminds her. "It was his choice."

"Carla, this isn't your fault." Johnny tells her quietly, and in the moment he seems like the only person she will listen to, hanging off his every word. "This was sent before he agreed to donate a kidney." He continues and I raise my head, forcing tears back as I look at her. "He decided to do what he did before the transplant. He changed his mind. Intercepted the letter." Johnny stands up, pushing it to the side and heading towards her. "Giving you a kidney gave him a reason to live. At least for a little while." He pulls her into a hug, sighing. "Because of you, we had him for a few more precious weeks."

"If anything, a lot of this is down to Toyah." Kate inserts and I pause, noticing Carla's eyes clap onto mine in shock. Johnny retracts, turning to look at the group of us, confused. "If she had just told Aidan that night, or not gone along with her stupid plan in the first place-"

"Kate!" I stop her, and she hesitates, glancing between us, before clocking on.

"...What plan?" Johnny suddenly demands.

"...I thought you were going to tell him?" Kate swallows, apology rippling through her expression. "Oh..."

"Will somebody tell me what you're talking about?" Johnny raises his voice slightly, as Jenny stands, also looking clueless. My eyes dart to Rana, who is staring at the floor guiltily, having clearly been told by Kate. "I said, what's going on?"

"Aidan was a dad!" I silence the room, closing my eyes as the whole world seems to freeze for a matter of seconds. "Aidan was a dad... Johnny, you're a grandad."

* * *

 _ **Let me know what you think!**_


	22. Argumentation

**Chapter 22:**

 _ **Trigger warning: sexual content and references to suicide.**_

 **Michelle**

I push the bedroom door open a crack, pulling the dressing gown around me tighter. I expect to see her asleep on the sofa, as I had when I woke up at three in the morning, craving her, feeling lonely without her. The moon light had been casted over her face, illuminating it, as I leant down to kiss her forehead, watching her for minutes on end. The gentle inhale and exhale. Realising how grateful I was that I still had her, even if she opted to sleep out here, for a reason we hadn't discussed.

But this time, the sofa was empty, occupied only by a few abandoned cushions that were strewn against the arm and onto the floor.

"Messy." I just comment, breaking the silence as she looks up from her laptop. I begin to faff around with clearing up after her, patting the cushions down to busy myself, as I wait for her to say something in response. Explain why it had come to this. Maybe apologise. Initiate a conversation about yesterday's bombshell.

"I've got to make a work call, so just be quiet for a moment." She mumbles, picking her phone up and I stare at her, monitoring how she remains in such a covert state. "Hi is that Capley's? It's Carla Connor from Underworld. Is Mr Capley there please?" She clears her throat professionally, and I force my feet to move, drifting towards the kitchen to put the kettle on. The gradual whir causes her to snap her head around, giving me a sharp look, as if I'd just smashed half the cupboard of crockery. "Out of the office? I thought you opened at eight." She turns her attention back to the phone call. "So what is it then? Late, or are you just covering for him because he's too busy munching on his morning eclair?"

It makes me smile slightly, but only for a moment, trying to distract myself by cleaning a spotless part of the work surface.

"Yes I can hold." She sighs, taking the phone away from her ear and putting it on speaker so I can hear the annoying tinkle of the hold music. It seems to grow louder as the tension does, until the unbearable repetitiveness forces me to say something.

"Would you like something for breakfast?" I offer her, leaning on the kitchen counter. "I can make frittata-"

"Michelle!" She hisses, shooting me a look again and I hesitate, my eyes darting to the phone and back to her.

"Well... It's on hold." I point out, bluntly.

"Yes and it could be off hold any second." She prompts me, sharply. "There's a massive order at stake here. I don't have time to discuss breakfast plans."

"...Sorry." I decide to apologise, for the sake of tranquility. I was so worn down, arguing wasn't an option, no matter how opinionated I felt about her mood. "I just thought-"

"Carla?" I hear a voice on the other end of the line and she picks it up abruptly, holding it back to her ear as the voice vanishes.

"Ah so it was the latter." She laughs flirtatiously, something I was used to over the years. No matter how old or leery the customer, it was her typical trick, which had consequently wound her up in sticky situations several times. "Oh flatterer. I know I'm up early, sleep's a wasted night... I'd much rather be up discussing this with you too." She glances at me, before standing up, heading into the bedroom and I roll my eyes, tipping my head back against the cupboards and listening to the tick off the clock, wishing it could tick backwards.

 **Carla**

"...Really?" I ask, raising my voice so not only Michelle heard me, but the rest of the staff at the bar of the Bistro as well. "What do you think you're doing?"

"...It's coffee." She narrows her eyes, tilting the mug as if proving the point I wasn't even trying to make.

"We've got a meeting in fifteen minutes." I tap my watch, going over to her as Robert eyes me up from the other side of the bar. They'd clearly been having a conversation, probably about me, and had it been with anybody else, I wouldn't have minded quite so much. "I thought I was going to brief you on it first. This is your business and all."

"It slipped my mind." She just mumbles in response, staring down into her drink.

"Well if you hadn't been slacking off here, maybe it wouldn't have." My voice is unnecessarily bitter, but I seem to be past the point of having control over it. "You don't own thirty percent of that business just to chat and drink coffee."

"Don't talk to her like that." Robert suddenly pipes up, and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Excuse me?" I snap, now infuriated by his audacity of telling me how to treat my own girlfriend.

"I've actually been working." Michelle speaks through the tension, holding up a sheet of paper. "Calculating the materials and costs for this new line Alya wants to launch-"

"Sorry, where's your right to tell me what to do?" I ignore Michelle, noticing her shoulders fall slightly, as I keep my eyes glued to Robert.

"You know what... No." He shakes his head, almost talking to himself and I narrow my eyes. "I'm not going to do this."

"Oh no, bring it on." I raise my voice, tauntingly. "If you have something to say, say it."

"Carla, I'm sorry for your loss, really I am." He says sincerely, leaning forwards as he does so. "But you're not the only one hurt by this."

"I'm fully aware of that." I say firmly, as he slinks off into the kitchen and I'm stood staring in his departure, tears brimming in my eyes. "I know that."

"I know you do." Michelle sounds almost scared of me, and that makes everything worse. The one person who was always straight with me, who I'd care for regardless, was looking at me as if I had the ability to hurt her.

"I'm sorry... I..." I panic, turning to leave, hearing the whoosh of the door behind me as the cold air hits me like a brick.

"If you think I'm letting you walk off." Her voice is almost instant following me, but I don't turn my head, I just stare off down the street.

"I need to go to work." I finally decide, placing one foot in front of another before her fingers meet mine and it pulls me back. It's so gentle, but so strong at the same time, as my head flies around to face hers. She wastes no time, placing a hand on my cheek and pulling me in to kiss her. Her back is up against the wall of the Bistro almost immediately, my hand moving to her hair, our lips so passionate with one another.

"You see? No you don't. You don't." She begs me, as she finally pulls away, her words warm against my skin, my head only a fraction away from hers. "We need to go somewhere."

"We've got a meeting in-"

"Please." She holds a finger to my lips, cutting me off and I can see the desperation in her eyes. The desperation to save us, to save this. "We can go anywhere. Anywhere just not here. This... This place, it's suffocating us both. Just a few hours away. Me and you. Please Carla."

"Ok, ok." I give in and relief sweeps over her face. "Ok." I kiss her again, my words getting quieter as I whisper them against her. "You tell me, I'll follow."

 **Michelle**

I pull Carla's Mercedes onto the side of the road, getting out and locking it as she hardly has chance to slam her own door. She observes the surroundings quietly, knowing exactly where we were. Maybe this was a stupid idea. She hadn't been here since that day. But it was the place we'd used to escape to, and now we were escaping again, thirty odd years on.

"Last time I was here I had a bottle of vodka in my hand." She murmurs, kicking the grass with her heels as she walks, knowing the way, and I follow her. The more we walk, and the more I remember about this place, the more I regret making this decision. But I wasn't in the right head space, and it was on impulse. "...And a death wish." She dares to add, as we reach the woodland and I tap my bag.

"Well I've got posh lemonade this time." I try to divert her last comment, and I can sense her raising her eyebrows despite not being able to see her expression. We continue to walk in silence, until the horizon begins to loom, the trees clear and the quarry rolls out before us. She freezes up, swallowing as she recalls the view before her. "...We can go, this was a stupid idea. I don't know what I'm doing-"

"Pass us the posh lemonade then." She cuts me off, finally turning to look at me, and it makes me smile.

"Um..." I drop my bag on the floor, sitting down as she watches me for a moment, inspecting the ground. "Sit down, it's a bit of grass." I dare to tease her and she narrows her eyes, taking her jacket off and laying it on the floor. "I'll tackle you to the ground in a moment."

"I'm sitting! I'm sitting." She hesitantly lowers herself, pulling a face as she gets comfortable.

"You used to eat the dirt here when you were sixteen-"

"I did not!" She exclaims and I giggle, which makes her soften, as she watches me unload my bag. "Wow..." She comments, as I produce four cans of lemonade, sandwiches, crisps and fruit. "I should have brought my teddy bear."

"Nobody even knows you have that except me." I remind her, which was true. Carla still had the teddy she had bought her daughter when she was pregnant, which had become rather tear stained the last few weeks. She stored it in the back of the wardrobe in the day, in case visitors saw it, but it made me feel special that I knew how secretly soft she was. "It's dirty. I'm washing it when we get home."

"I said no." She argues like a child and I smile to myself, causing her to kick me gently. I can feel her gaze on me, as I arrange everything. I didn't even need to but it was something to occupy me while I prepared to make a billion questions into a singular conversation.

"Chelle?"

"Yeah."

"I'm so sorry." She admits and I look up at her, studying her expression for a moment.

"Don't be." I smile warmly, planning to look away before realising she was still staring at me, her gaze more meaningful, as I try to work it out.

"Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Forgive me?" She practically whispers, and I'm so relieved to hear her calm for a change, rather than the erratic and frustrated behaviour she'd battled with the past few days. "Just like that, when I've spoken to you so horribly? Most people would have already run a mile."

"Well you already know I'm not going to do that." I murmur in response, swallowing as my eyes dart back down to the floor. "And you know why. That's why we're still here today."

"Somehow." She plays with the bracelet on her arm. "Everyone else left me... We used to come here in the evenings, the lot of us, Liam, Paul, Aidan, Dean, Rob... Now they're all gone... Except us. Your life could have been so much less hassle if you'd managed to shake me off. If I'd never married Paul, we wouldn't be sat here now. I'd be homeless, no, I'd be dead. If it wasn't for you."

"That's not true-"

"No, Michelle, it is." She assures me, and I try to get my head around to severity of her words. "It is. I'd be gone a long time ago if it wasn't for you. You saved my life, even though you couldn't stand me. When I arrived in Weatherfield in 2006, you were dreading it."

"I wasn't dreading it." I cut her off, pausing in thought. "Dean's death screwed me up. That's why I distanced myself from you, from everyone, mum, dad, Paul, Liam, that's why I moved there in the first place. I thought I could do it on my own. And yeah, you were a stubborn, stuck-up cow at times, but I've never stopped thanking the stars for bringing you back, when you followed him there. The day of Paul's death, it made me realise, you weren't just in this for the money, the get out of jail free card. He'd messed up so badly, so many times, and you still stayed loyal to him. Us, as a family. The way you cried and ran to hug me when we saw him in that hospital room, it showed me, you really felt like you were a part of us, the struggles we'd been through, you'd been there too. I couldn't imagine my family without you. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. You showed me, with your strength, that after grief, it can go on. You can smile. You can laugh. You can erase some of the pain with somebody who really matters. And every day since, I've felt a little more of our childhood come back, the way I used to look at you with admiration, that gets stronger every day. Despite everybody else's opinions of you, I never turned my back on you because you made me feel like nobody else could. You gave me a friend. You gave me somebody to relate to. You gave me strength. That's why I forgive you. That's why I love you." I finish, and we sit in silence as I pull the lid off a tub of strawberries, clearing my throat with pride at my summary. I hold it out hesitantly, as she keeps her eyes on mine. "Now eat something." To my surprise she follows my orders, taking one from the box and biting into it. The silence encases us some more, the gentle breeze and soft tweet of the birds being the only sounds to invade it. It was quite comforting, but I knew this couldn't go on forever. "Ok, you've got to say something."

"...I don't know what to say." She responds, almost looking shocked. "That's why I'm not saying anything."

"Ok well..." I tear off the crust of a sandwich, chewing on it slowly. "I'll say something then..." I debate whether to broach the subject of our sleeping arrangements, the addiction to work, or the revelation about Suzie that was hanging over us. But opt for a lighter topic instead. "You know that Speed Dhal place on Victoria Street?"

"Yeah?"

"...It's nice." I realise I have nothing else to say and she narrows her eyes.

"You haven't been." She points out and I fidget with the sandwich awkwardly.

"I know." I mumble. "But it looks nice, so-"

I don't have the chance to finish the sentence, because before I know it her hand is on the back of my head, her nose nudging against mine as she kisses me. I swallow my surprise, melting into her embrace, falling backwards into the grass.

"I thought you didn't want to get dirty."

"Depends what you mean by that." She mumbles seductively and it causes me to laugh, so genuinely, for the first time in a while. "Sometimes things are more important." She moves back down to kiss me, grazing a finger along my cheek which sends butterflies erupting through my body. I open my eyes to look up at her, the way the sun falls just behind her head, shadowing her face. Her outline bordered onto the blue canvas behind, clouds drifting past. She swallows, watching me for a few minutes, our gazes comfortably fixed on one another. "I mean it, you've saved my life."

"We've saved each other." I whisper, and it makes her smile. "Hashtag blessed."

"Hm." She hums in recollection.

"You know I'd do anything for you." I say quietly. "Take a bullet for you."

"I wouldn't let you."

"Well lets hope it never comes to that then." I whisper, pulling her back down to kiss me, the sweet taste of strawberry infusing her lips. "I must say, I never thought I'd be here doing this."

"Yeah it is pretty amazing." She doesn't stop kissing me as she says it, and the tickle of her breath against my lips makes me shiver with pleasure. I feel her hand slide down my chest, resting at the base of my stomach, watching her intently as I work out her intentions.

"We can't here."

"Why?" She bites her lip, which sends me crazy as usual. "Nobody's here. Nobody knows we're here... Unless you don't want to, tell me if you don't."

"I do." I pull her back down, giving in as she slips a hand under my skirt. Her fingers walk themselves over my underwear, as she effortlessly trails them down my legs, moving them back up to circulate me. The build of pleasure causes me to lean my head back, closing my eyes against the warmth of the sun, the soft orange light illuminating my skin. I can feel her watching me, before moving to kiss my jaw line.

Letting out a long exhale, I allow her to slip herself into me, my fingers tightening over the grass they were lay upon, clutching it as I release a low hum. I felt so alive, so lucky. My breathing increases as the pleasure does, feeling how gently she treats me, knowing exactly what I wanted and how it makes me moan.

"The birds are going to think you're joining them." She whispers in my ear and I open my eyes momentarily.

"Shut up." I gasp, laughing slightly at the same time, wrapping her hair around my finger as I swallow, showing her how incredible she could make me feel.

"I'd say the same but I don't want you to." She says smoothly, which just boosts the climax building inside me, as my eyes flutter closed again and I move my hand over hers, pushing her into me further as I sigh lustfully. "Ok?" She checks, following my climax and I raise an eyebrow as she licks her fingers clean, which is annoyingly sexy.

"Ok?" I scoff, quietly, rolling her over and wasting no time as I work my way down her body. "I'll show you 'ok'."

 **Carla**

"Careful please." I hear Michelle call, as I stare out over the horizon. The tinted rainbows the sun casts over reflections on office windows, the quiet rush of the traffic, lives depending on getting somewhere on time.

I flick my head around, looking at where she is stood watching me, hands on hips. "Don't worry mum."

"Uh!" She sits down next to me, hesitant to dangle her legs over the edge. She joins me in gazing at the world ahead of us for a few minutes, before her eyes shift to me. "You look tired."

"Gold star for your observations." I tease her, reaching for her hand in the grass. "You should be a detective."

"Alright, sarcy cow." She nudges me and I pause, knowing exactly what she was going to follow this discussion up with. "Can I expect a cuddle in bed tonight or am I losing out to the sofa again?"

"I didn't want to wake you." I respond automatically. "I couldn't sleep the last two nights."

"So you were pretending then?" She inserts and I glance across at her, confused. "Early this morning, when I came to get a drink, you were fast asleep on the sofa."

"You watched me sleep?" I ask defensively, to shift the subject to her. "...That's weird."

"We just had sex in a field. We're both weird." She replies bluntly and I can't help smiling.

"Done it worse places..." I decide to list. "Underworld, Roy's kitchen table, the ginnel-"

"That wasn't with me." She points out and I go quiet, sensing her looking at me expectantly.

"Oh..." I trail off. "Yeah that was Nick... No... Peter. Actually come to think of it, I think me and Trevor-"

"Ok!" She cuts me off and I laugh playfully. "You're really mistaking me for a bin man?"

"No." I dip my head, kissing her briefly. "I don't really think I can mistake you for any man, if I'm honest."

"...Can't believe you had sex in the ginnel."

"Why, you jealous?" I tease her and she glares at me.

"Well for your information, me and Steve had sex in the cellar."

"Done that."

"Up against the barrels of mild."

"Up against the crates of merlot."

"Snob." She just shoots back at me, huffing as we look back over the view. "...You changed the subject."

"...I keep having nightmares." I admit, my voice going quiet as I try not to relive them. "And I don't want it to upset you, that's why I slept on the sofa."

"Carla, you should have said." She sighs, watching me as she pushes the hair behind my ear. "I don't want you to bottle these things up. Please don't try to do this on your own."

"I was... Going to tell you." I try to explain. "When I woke up the night before last, but I looked across and you were sleeping. I just thought, if you could escape the pain of what's going on, just for a few hours, I didn't want to ruin that. Not when you seemed so peaceful."

"Well tonight you're not sleeping on the sofa." She tells me and my face softens at her care. "And if you have another one, you wake me up. Please. Or I'll just stay awake all night in case you do. And we can talk about it, or I'll just hold you."

"...Talking about it will just upset you more than it already has." I close my eyes, trying to block out the images. "Trust me, you don't want me to... I can't get it out of my head. I'm just grateful you didn't see..."

"You don't need to protect me." She says gently, squeezing my hand. "I want to help you."

"But you shouldn't have to. This is as hard for you as it is for me."

"Carla, he was your brother."

"And you grew up with him. He was your family forever. He was mine for three years."

"It doesn't matter how long you know someone." She sighs. "We've been through this."

"You know the night Lou died?" I swallow, daring to bring it up and she nods slowly. "When we were all in the hospital, and the nurse told us the news. I saw the way he held on to you. He cried into you. He turned to you for comfort, because Kate was too young and Johnny was too broken." I feel guilty as soon as I see the tears brimming in her eyes at the memory. "...I saw how much you cared for him, and how much he cared for you. It's stupid and selfish for me to say, but I felt jealous, that I wasn't part of your family, that I didn't know what it felt like to have that connection with someone. I know how close you were... From that, to that... Stupid argument you had over Steve's socks at my engagement party."

"Oh, you heard that?" She wipes tears off her cheeks.

"Sally Webster wouldn't shut up about it the day after at work." I nudge her gently and she smiles to herself, as I clear the tears from her face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just want to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"For looking out for him, for always being there when I wasn't." I practically whisper. "That time and so many others, you always had his back, even though I made fun of him. Thank you."

"...You don't need to thank me... I wasn't looking out for him enough anyway." She seems to admit and I narrow my eyes. "I should have spoken to him about how he was feeling."

"Babe, you weren't to know, nobody was."

"But I did." She tries to focus her gaze on me, her eyes glistening, as I try to dissolve the confusion she was building up. "I noticed... And I could have spoken to him about it, but I was too selfish to think about it. And when I did, it was too late."

"Ok, calm down." I rub her thigh soothingly. "Relax, ok? Explain things properly."

"I... Noticed some signs, except I didn't realise they were signs at the time." She tries to compose herself. "In the hospital, when everything was going on about the transplant, I picked up on these worried looks. I think once or twice he may have realised I'd seen him... What if he wanted me to ask him? I put it down to him stressing over the donation, maybe having doubts. I think that's why I refused to ask about it because I was worried, if I did, he'd back out. But then it carried on afterwards, here and there. And in the last few weeks, he kept saying these things, they make sense now, as if he was trying to tie up loose ends."

"Like what?" I ask calmly.

"Like, he'd taught me this software at Underworld, so urgently and when I'd asked why he said because then I'd know how to use it in case he wasn't there one day... I just thought he meant at a meeting or something. Then, the night before, I had this heart to heart with him and he told me to look after you. He said he was glad he'd given me a share in the business because if anyone was going to run it with you, it was me. He kept looking at the wine on his coat... He..." She starts to panic, fidgeting with her necklace. "I should have known. I was so close to asking. I was going to, I was, I could have done something."

"Michelle. Chelle?" I beg her, pulling her in to me. "Listen to me, ok? Listen, sweetheart, Aidan didn't want anybody to find out. It pains me to say it, I wish he'd reached out, spoken to someone, but he didn't... There's nothing we could have done. Please don't place blame on yourself." I whisper into her hair. "We can go through all the 'what if's' over and over again in our heads, but what use is it doing?"

"I'm sorry." She cries into me, as I rub her back comfortingly.

"Ok." I pull back, cupping her face with my hands. "We are banning that word. Alright?" I watch her smile through tears, as I kiss her nose. "I love you."

 **Michelle**

"No way did you!" I argue with Carla playfully, hanging off her shoulder, our hands linked as we head towards the factory.

"I did! I told him, your steak was cooked exactly how you asked for it. Your food was piping hot. Stop trying to pull a fast one." She narrates to me. "He's always the same, trying to knock money off the bill. I told him he's such a tight wad when it comes to business and pleasure."

"And he still gave you the contract?" I laugh, pushing the door open as I lean my head on her shoulder, the sound of machines and gossip growing louder.

"Of course, he said he liked my attitude."

"Well you can be very persuasive when you want to be." I whisper and she nudges me, causing me to laugh, before almost bumping into Alya, arms folded, staring at us disapprovingly.

"Excuse me." Carla goes to head past her and she bars her way, her hand loosening on mine slightly, as I remove my head from her shoulder.

"Ah, it's good to see you two smiling-"

"Auntie Beth, shut up!" Sinead cuts Beth off from where she has piped up.

"Where have you been?" Alya demands in a severe tone, as if Carla was _her_ girlfriend.

"Uh, out." Carla narrows her eyes. "Problem?"

"I've had Paul Stokes on the phone for about an hour, asking where you are." She tells us. "Apparently you were supposed to have a meeting with him this morning."

"Yes... And I called to cancel it." Carla speaks slowly, as if patronising her. "I am the boss, I am allowed to make those kinds of decisions."

"Yes well it's all fun and games until I've got to explain why you're not answering your phone."

"None of this is fun and games." Carla keeps a brave face as she pushes past her, practically dragging me into the office and I watch Alya compose herself through the glass.

"So, this meeting." I propose, trying to divert back to why we had returned to the factory. "About Summer's idea, fill me in."

"Have you got a minute?" Alya barges back into the office, as Carla taps something out on her phone.

"Chelle, park your backside. I'll get someone to make us a brew."

"Park it?" I scoff, ruffling her hair as I go to sit down at my desk, as she shoots me a playful glance.

"I've been waiting to talk to you all morning." Alya hesitates, now seeming calmer than before.

"Oh, sorry..." I apologise, realising I'd taken up so much of Carla's time already today. "Look, we can do this in a bit babe if you want to-"

"No, no, no. Stay put." She stops me and I raise my eyebrows at her demands, as she turns back to Alya. "Is it urgent?"

"Well I wanted to discuss my range of underwear for runners." She plasters a smile on her face, holding up a notepad with some sketches on, and I slide down in my chair slightly.

"Carla, seriously, I can-"

"Michelle, you do own this place as well now. Don't let the staff think they take priority."

"Priority?" Alya repeats, annoyance in her tone, as I reach for a mint from the pack on my desk.

"Well there's no rush, is there?" Carla prompts her, scribbling something down on a notepad. "Just remind me again in a few weeks."

"I've got the fabrics now." Alya continues, despite Carla's requests and I can already tell from the rising tension and pretences that this was not going to end well. "So it's just a case of-"

"Alya!" Carla snaps, cutting her off, as she looks back up at her. "This is probably the worst possible time to be thinking about launching a new range. So just leave it will you?"

"Well can't we just get on with it? I'll do the work."

"Really, I'll go." I try to intervene again, feeling uncomfortably in the way. I loved this business, I always had done, but I couldn't help feeling like I'd started from the bottom again, and it didn't feel right coming in as boss when all the other staff had been here and loyal to Carla for years on end.

"No, you stay put!" Carla orders at me, and I sigh, swinging around in my chair slightly. "Do you both seem to be having a problem with the boss-employee thing? Because, Alya, meet Michelle, she's your boss now. If I need to have a meeting with her, it's more important than discussing fabrics for your little project. You are an employee, if I say jump, you say 'how high?'" There's an awkward silence, as I sink down in my chair, my eyes gracing Alya's uncomfortably, noticing her looking at me with a hint of jealousy. "Now will you make us some coffees, please? And use the posh stuff."

She hesitantly leaves, a whole mix of emotions conveyed in her expression. Carla sighs, laying her head in her hands for a moment, and I pause before daring to say anything.

"What was all that about?"

"I don't know." She mumbles. "You know what it's like... Between us two. I just... Ugh, she gets on my flamin' nerves. Does my nut in."

"Ok, but... I understand that..." I work hard to phrase this correctly, not wanting to be the next victim of her anger. "But she's been here a very long time now and I haven't. Plus, I've got my wedding planning business as well, haven't I? I don't want to-"

"You don't want the other staff to take a disliking to you?" She guesses the end of my sentence. "Well that's business for you. They don't like me, most of them never have done. But you get on with it, that's how you get results."

"I just... I mean, I don't want to get in the way of-"

"Michelle." She tries hard not to snap, the word firm as she releases it. "You own this company now. Ok? It's ours. So you need to start getting a bit more feisty with them, taking charge, you know?"

"I just need to get used to it again." I swallow, deciding not to take this any further. She sighs, looking up at me over the desk.

"Aidan gave you the share in the business because he believed in you. He told you himself, if it was going to be anyone, it needed to be you who runs it with me." She tells me. "So stop doubting yourself, because he didn't."

"...Alright." I say quietly, trying not to think on her words through the fear of getting upset again. "So... Summer's idea then?"

 **Carla**

The crackle of the flames relaxed me, as I watch the citrus colours dance around the fireplace. It was almost as if they were fighting, pushing their way past each other, entwining, letting go. I raise the glass of wine to my lips, the taste I knew so well, too well, as it trickles down my throat.

"You look peaceful." The door clicks, and I don't turn to look at Michelle, as I hear the usual clatter of keys on the work surface, the soft thud of her shoes being removed, one after another.

" _You_ look soaked." I observe, as she finally comes round to kneel before me, raindrops staining her cheeks, hair wet against her face.

"Yeah it's raining." She screws her nose up slightly, moving in to kiss me and I bat her away playfully. "Hey."

"You're gonna get me all wet." I argue gently and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Wouldn't be the first-"

"Ok!" I cut her off and she laughs softly, staring at me with a meaningful gaze. "What? You want something, don't you?"

"No!" She slaps my leg lightly. "I'm just taking you in."

"How was your meeting with that annoying bridezilla?"

"Oh, she wants a carriage pulled by llamas now." She groans.

"Is that even a thing?" I pull a face and she shrugs, tapping my knee before getting up. "Get yourself a glass, there's a bottle open in the cupboard."

"Yes, I need it." I hear the clink of the glass, turning my head to watch her for a moment. Placing my drink down before getting up, I pad over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and not minding that her damp clothes seep into mine. She pauses, letting me kiss her cheek, lifting her own glass to her lips. "You taken your medication?"

"Yes miss." I shift myself onto the kitchen counter, saluting her as she leans back against the cupboards opposite me.

"Ok, I've been thinking."

"That's never a good start to a sentence."

"Let me talk." She reaches out a leg to kick me playfully. "The wedding."

"Well just tell her she can't have the llamas-"

"Our wedding." She corrects me, and I nod slowly. "I mean... Ok, don't start an argument with me here. I know we said we were putting it off for a while..."

"But?" I coax her and she bites her lip hesitantly. "But you don't want to do that anymore?"

"I'm just thinking, maybe it would be a good thing. Cheer everybody up a bit, a happy occasion..." I can tell how worried she is of making me snap or upsetting me, and I hated that I'd inflicted that caution on her over the last few days.

"When were you thinking?" I ask, and she pauses, her eyes darting down to the floor momentarily.

"I've booked a venue for two weeks time." She blurts out, as if hoping I wouldn't catch it. "I can cancel it, it's flexible so we don't have to. I was just looking through this website for a client and I saw they had a cancellation for that date and usually they have a two year waiting list." She babbles on, trying to justify herself. "It doesn't have to be a big thing, whatever you want. And like I said, I can cancel it right now if you don't want to or you don't think it's right, or you're not ready-"

"Michelle!" I cut her off, and she stares at me worriedly for a moment, trying to read my expression. I slide off the counter, pulling on her top as I move in to kiss her lips. I can feel how fast her heart is beating, eventually recovering from the shock of my movements and kissing me back.

"I mean... Usually that's a good sign." She mumbles into the kiss and I smile, pulling away to look at her, eyebrows raised. "A surprising but good sign? I think. And your face looks kind of happy... So... What do you think?"

"What do I think?" I tilt my head to the side slightly, teasing her as my eyes dart around the room. "I think that I've never wanted to marry somebody more."

"So... Is that a yes?" She bites her lip excitedly.

"Of course." I smile, as her eyes brim with tears. "Don't cry on me, you." I laugh, kissing her again. "You don't need to be so afraid. I'm sorry if I've made you feel like that."

"No... I just don't want us to argue." She links our fingers.

"Ever?" I scoff slightly and she rolls her eyes, a hint of a smile on her cheeks before it fades in realisation.

"Oh God, ok, we're not prepared for this." She remembers. "We haven't sorted anything. Food, guests, dresses... What are we doing about the dresses? Are we going to have the same or just completely surprise each other? Because if they don't match-"

"Ok, calm down." I whisper, and she sighs, pushing the hair out of her face stressfully. "We'll sort it. We've got two weeks. Ok?"

"I know, I just want it to be perfect."

"It will be." I stroke my hand up her arm. "I'm marrying you, it can't not be perfect."

"Smooth." She narrows her eyes and I kiss her quickly.

"Go and get changed out of those wet clothes, I'll get the take away menus out." I tell her and she smiles comfortably, before squeezing my hand and heading off to the bedroom. I watch her go, preparing to get things sorted, as my phone beeps.

 _Text Message_

 _From: Peter_

 _Need to talk to you asap x_

"Can we get Chinese?" I hear Michelle call from the bedroom, as I stare down at the screen, re-reading the message. "Carla?"

"Uh, yeah." I manage to call back, typing out a message in response before deleting it, grabbing my coat. "I'll go and pick it up. Do you want the usual?"

"Well we can get delivery." She emerges from the bedroom.

"It's alright, I need a walk." I lie, grabbing my keys and she looks surprised at my change in attitude.

"Ok..." She frowns and I hesitate before going over to her. "I haven't done something wrong?"

"Stop stressing." I kiss her, tilting my forehead against hers and gazing at her lovingly. "Everything's fine, ok?"

"Alright." She looks slightly reassured, as I pull away, heading towards the door. "Don't be long." She adds and I smile warmly, closing the door behind me as I pull my phone out.

 _Text Message_

 _To: Peter_

 _Coming now._

* * *

 _ **Thank you to those reviewing, more drama to come in the next chapter!**_


	23. Proposition

**Chapter 23:**

 _ **A/N: Some of you may hate this storyline, some of you might like it. It's a risk, but will see how it goes. Enjoy :)**_

 **Carla**

"So?" I reach the bar of the Rovers, as Peter raises his head from the pump he is stood at, pulling Tim's pint.

"Hiya." He flashes me a smile, turning back to Tim to collect his money. "One moment."

"Peter I haven't got a moment, I'm supposed to be picking up dinner for me and Chelle." I practically hiss, as he pulls the barrier up on the bar, allowing me to pass. "Is this going to take long?"

"It depends." He just responds, leading me through to the back, as Leanne appears at the bottom of the stairs. "Cover the bar." He orders, as she gives me a knowing look, shrugging off his rudeness and heading out to the front. "Honestly, I'm trying to get rid of them all-"

"Look, if I'm here to discuss your love life and family set-up, I don't want to get involved." I hold my hands up, as he closes the door to the back room. I glance around it, remembering all the times we had been stuck in here together. The night he revealed the affair. The day he returned from prison to beg for my forgiveness, to beg for me back. I didn't know why I was even asking. I knew that the 'talk' was going to revolve around one of two things - another outburst of his long lost feelings, or the only other thing which connected us apparently; Suzie. "Where's..."

"She's asleep." He picks up on my trail of thought, watching as I lower myself onto the sofa. "She's what I needed to talk to you about actually."

"Right well, like I said, make it quick." I say sharply, although relieved that the subject at hand was the latter.

"Um..." He pauses, sitting down on the arm of the sofa. "I don't exactly know how to say this... Eva's gone."

"Gone?"

"She's uh, she's left, gone to America or something." He shrugs and I narrow my eyes, confused as to how this had anything to do with me.

"Well, are you sure about that, I mean, she's played that stunt before." I remind him. "Sure she's not up the duff again?"

"No, she's gone." He says firmly and I resist the urge to check my nails, anything to avoid the awkward tension that was setting in. "Toyah's gone with her, for a while, anyway."

"Right well... I'm pleased for you?" I try to muster some response to the information.

"It just... It doesn't seem right, me keeping her, you know? She's not mine." He tries to elaborate, and I very slowly come round to what he is implying, a sick feeling building in my stomach. "Eva doesn't want her, Toyah doesn't deserve her and Leanne's got her hands full with Oliver... It just seems right for..."

"For what?" I try to refrain from snapping, shocked at his proposition.

"For you and Michelle to... Have her." The words fall out his mouth and I stare at him in shock, despite already clocking it.

"...Excuse me?"

"Well, she's your family. I mean, really you can sort it out yourselves but... I just thought... You would have been an amazing mum to our baby girl. I think you and Michelle have the stability to raise her-"

"Are you insane?" I stand up, trying to force back his words, which have hit my emotions hard. "You can't just... You can't just _give_ me a child, just like that, it doesn't work that way Peter!"

"I know that." He says gently, trying to calm me down. "Obviously, we'd sort out all the legal matters, there'd be no rush, you'll want to discuss it with Michelle first."

"Do you not think I have enough on my plate without raising a child and all?" I continue to rant at him. "I'm hardly managing to hold myself together as it is! Throwing a crying... Vomiting little... Into all of that... Is crazy!" I stammer, struggling to formulate an actual sentence. "I don't do children, Peter. You know that."

"You didn't do children, once upon a time." He carefully reminds me. "And then you realised that maybe you could."

"No, Peter. I realised maybe I couldn't." I snap. "I realised that I'm not supposed to be a mum. Otherwise I'd have a four year old little girl, right now." My voice cracks as I say it, which he picks up on, annoyingly. "...I accepted that. So don't you come here and think you can just throw a child into my life, that I never thought I could love, and tell me that-"

"But you do love her?" He stops me, and I freeze, working out the question.

"...I don't even know her." I lower my voice, avoiding eye contact. "I've seen her twice, I haven't even held her."

"She's Aidan's-"

"I know that!" I shout, an eruption of crying sounding from the kitchen, and I go cold at the sound. I watch as he disappears for a moment, reappearing with her bundled in his arms.

"...So, see?" He approaches me, and I widen my eyes.

"What?" I splutter, refraining from backing away, the thought terrifying me.

"See if you love her." He holds his arms out and I stare at him in confusion. Why was I so scared? She was Aidan's daughter. She was a part of him. A part of him I needed to hold on to and protect, because he couldn't. "You don't have to be scared."

"I'm not." I deny, even though he could read me like a book. "Stop forcing this on me, Peter. You know how hard this is."

"Sorry." He retracts, his expression suddenly apologetic. "Sorry, I didn't mean to." She starts to cry again, the noise invading my ears as I wince, closing my eyes momentarily. "Shh, shh." He tries to soothe her, the crying constant and without thinking I hold my arms out. "For God's sake Peter, give her here." I desperately try anything to make her stop, and as soon as the warmth hits me, wrapped in my arms, so close to my chest, the crying slows. I force my eyes open, shocked at myself, moving my gaze down to her face. She stares up at me, her eyes the same sea of blue-grey that I'd looked into so many times with Aidan. I force back tears, rocking her gently as her eyelashes flutter closed. A small, content mumble escapes her lips. I'd actually achieved something. I'd stopped her from crying.

Peter's gaze on us both was something I was easily distracted from, as I can't remove my eyes from her. She was every bit of Aidan. I saw flashes of me, elements of Kate and Johnny. I was so drawn to her.

"...See, you love her." Peter whispers, as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"This is unfair." My voice is weak from the tears I am trying to hold back. "You can't do this to me... This isn't me. I'm not supposed to be like this."

"Maybe, just for a moment, stop doubting yourself and realise that she's falling asleep in your arms, doesn't that say enough to you?"

"...She's so perfect. He was so perfect." I murmur, holding her so carefully that I have no free hand to wipe the droplets from my cheeks. He reaches out, clearing them for me, the soft graze of his finger over my cheekbones bringing everything back. I look up at him, the gaze he has fixated on me. I'd gone over this moment so many times in my head, years ago, staring at my sonogram photo and imagining it, the reality never sinking in. I guess it didn't need to, but I'd never pictured it like this.

And definitely not like this.

"What are you doing?" I back away, as his head tilts towards mine, a look of shock overcoming his expression. His mouth falls open, stuttering a few noises, trying to formulate some justification for his actions. "Were you trying to kiss me?"

"No." He denies, even though we both knew it was a blatant lie.

"Typical, Peter." I have to squeeze my eyes shut as I hand Suzie back to him, grabbing my bag and turning to leave.

"Carla, wait-"

"Go to hell." I finalise, slamming the door and hearing another eruption of crying behind me. I hesitate, so tempted to run back in there and protect her, cradle her in my arms and tell her everything would be ok. That she'd always be loved, how special she was, all the things I could have said to Aidan, but didn't.

But I can't.

I can't go back.

I can't go back to what I lost.

 **Michelle**

"Carla, will you pick up?" I drone down the phone, pouring out another glass of wine and hanging up the voicemail. I type out another message, checking the clock on the wall. Almost two hours she had been gone. Either the Chinese take-away was unnecessarily busy on a Wednesday evening, or she'd completely forgotten about me and wound up somewhere else. Unfortunately, I knew the reason would be the latter.

Despite my building anger, I jump up when I hear a knock on the door, relief swooping through me, although ready for another argument.

"Where the hell have you-" I begin, pulling the door open and cutting myself off as I come to face Robert on the doorstep.

"...Hi." He frowns at my greeting, glancing around my flat. "Your power is still working then. Mine's gone, I came to check if it was the whole building... You ok?"

"...Sorry, I thought you were Carla." I stand to the side, and he looks surprised at my allowance for him to enter. "May as well come in, don't want you sat in a flat with no power."

"Oh... Thanks." He just coughs awkwardly, gliding past me and eyeing up the two wine glasses. "Where's Carla then?"

"No idea." I shut the door with more force than intended, clapping my hands together hesitantly for a moment before grabbing a glass from the cupboard. "You like Malbec, right?"

"I own a wine bar, course I do." He laughs and it makes me smile slightly. "Although I prefer-"

"Shiraz, yeah I know." I hand him the deep red liquid. "We haven't got that so you'll have to make do with this."

"There's worse sacrifices I've had to make." He eyes me up, lowering himself into the armchair. "So, did she give an explanation or?"

"Who?"

"Carla." He prompts me, the name escaping my mind for a brief moment. "How much have you had to drink?"

"Most of that bottle." I shrug, sitting down and continuing to sip from my glass, realising I was probably quite tipsy. "I've had nothing else to do for two hours, except try to get through to her. She's supposedly gone to pick up a Chinese."

"And that takes two hours?" He raises an eyebrow and I purse my lips, agreeing with him. "Has she actually gone to China to get it?"

"I hope she's alright." I check my phone again, refreshing my text messages even though I knew it was no use.

"She'll be fine." He almost tuts. "She's probably ended up at the factory, forgetting she hasn't filed some invoices or something."

"You're remarkably well informed on my fiancée." I realise I sound slightly impressed.

"Hardly, everyone knows how glued to that place she is." He mutters, taking another sip from his wine. "Just hope she's not at the casino."

"...She wouldn't be." I try to reassure myself. "Would she?"

"Michelle, she loves you." He sighs, and I can tell it pains him to say it. "Really loves you. She's not gonna do anything to jeopardise that."

"Well she did with Nick." I dare to say. "And she really loved him."

"Yeah but this is you and her." He avoids my gaze, his words meaningful. "She'd never."

"This is coming from the person who hated me a few weeks back."

"I didn't hate _you_. I hated myself." He admits. "For not being good enough for you."

"...You were." I assure him. "Any woman would be lucky to have you."

"I don't want any woman though." I can tell he instantly regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth, staring at the floor awkwardly, and I shift in my seat. "...Yeah, at first I thought the whole thing was a farce. A phase. I thought it was Carla's next wild decision, something to tick off her bucket list. But now I've seen it, I've seen you together... I realise how genuine you are. I'm sorry for everything I said and did that may have offended you."

"I'm the one who should be sorry." I swallow, meeting his gaze. "I broke your heart."

"Yeah, but..." He trails off. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and if she makes you happy, that's what's important."

I gaze at him, the swell of the drink clouding my mind. He was such a good bloke, deep down, and I'd hurt him so badly. I move forwards, sealing the gap between us slightly, so I am sat on the corner of the sofa, our knees virtually touching.

"You don't realise how amazing you really are." I keep my eyes focused on his and he swallows, levelling with me.

"I'm not amazing." He whispers, the room spinning around us. I was lost in a daze of either the drink, or the unanticipated situation we had found ourselves in. I just nod, about to answer with something else, before the door clicks and my head flies around. I am dragged so abruptly out of my trance, that I stand up quickly, Carla's eyes falling to the scene before her.

"Where have you been?" I splutter, the words sounding incredibly guilty, as her eyes drift between Robert and I.

"Hello." She addresses Robert, bluntly, dropping the white plastic bag of food down on the counter. The smell I had been craving so badly, now brought a sense of nausea as I inhale it. "I didn't know we had guests."

"I was just leaving, actually." He drains his glass, as Carla watches me intently.

"Yeah thanks for coming." I flash him a smile. "I hope your power comes back on."

"Thanks." He just replies, glancing at Carla. "See you, Carla."

"Bye." She responds briefly, as he closes the door and we stay in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, trying to figure who should be mad at who. "His power's down?"

"Where have you been?" I persist, as she points to the food. "And don't say you've been waiting for that the whole time. You've been gone ages."

"I just went for a walk." She shrugs, undoing the knot on the carrier bag. "Then picked the food up."

"I don't believe you."

"Had a nice cosy chat with your ex?" She finally fires the question at me. I was already exhausted and this hadn't even begun. "You've managed to get through that bottle together."

"That was mainly me." I reply, as if it made the situation much better. "I was worried about you, so I drank. Did you not think to check your phone?"

"Yeah, sorry." She flicks through her messages.

"Except you're not, are you?" I snap, finally raising my voice and it drags her attention away from the screen. "When are you ever going to grow up? You can't just go off and disappear. There's people who love you."

"Oh Michelle it was two hours." She groans. "I needed some space from you yapping on at me."

"...Right." I try to keep the hurt out of my voice. "Robert thought you might have been at the factory."

"Well Robert was wrong." She mutters, unloading the bag so she has something to distract herself. "Don't believe everything he tells you."

"Why are you being like this all of a sudden?" My eyes brim with tears. "A few hours ago you were telling me how much you wanted to marry me. Telling me everything was going to be ok-"

"But everything isn't ok, is it?" She suddenly shouts, turning to face me. "Because my brother took his own life. And I'm broken. And every time I close my eyes, I see the same image I saw in the bathroom that morning. I can never erase that. That's never going to go away. It hurts. It hurts that he was in so much pain, and he couldn't tell anyone. It hurts losing somebody so suddenly, when he knew for months. It hurts running over the past few weeks of his life, trying to pin point the things he said to me, searching for details, hints, anything that explains why. For what? Nothing. Because it's too late now. He's gone!"

The room falls silent and I wring my hands awkwardly, tears rolling down my cheeks. We stare at each other for what feels like forever, before I approach her hesitantly and she holds her hands up.

"Don't, don't." She begs me and I soften. "Please don't. I'm going to ruin you. I'll ruin you."

"Ruin me?" My voice is so gentle as she cries into her hands, the muffled sobs breaking my heart.

"I don't want to destroy you too."

"What?"

"I hurt everybody." She mumbles, and I ignore her commands, pulling her hands away from her face, so she hangs her head. "I don't want to hurt you. Everybody I love gets hurt. Everybody I love leaves-"

"Carla, Carla." I try to calm her, wrapping my arms around her as she gives in, crying into my shoulder. "Ok... Ok. I'm not going to leave. Shh, it's alright."

"You should go back to Robert." She muffles into me, as I rub her back. "He wouldn't ruin you. He'd give you everything."

"I don't want Robert." I assure her, pulling away and cupping her face in my hands. She looked so vulnerable and broken. "He lied to me over and over, he gets angry, he doesn't understand me, and most importantly, he's not you."

"...Peter wants us to take the baby." She swallows, and I narrow my eyes, trying to work out what she means. "Suzie... He wants us to raise her together."

"What?" I almost splutter, trying to understand if this was a really badly timed joke, but I could tell from her expression that it was the truth. "...You and him?"

"No!" She almost laughs; a scared, confused bleat that emits her lips. "Me and you."

"...Well... That's crazy..." I stammer, letting go of her for a moment to absorb the information. "...What?"

"I know." She nods in agreement, looking terrified at the thought herself. "That's where I was. He texted me saying he needed to talk to me."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I try to conceal the annoyance from my voice. "I'd have come with you."

"Because I didn't want to worry you, I don't know." She shrugs, covering her face with her hand again. "I don't know... I don't know what to do. I don't..."

"Alright, stop stressing yourself out." I sigh, calmly and she hesitates, before ripping open the bag of food, pulling a prawn cracker from it and nibbling on it awkwardly. It's endearing, even at a time like this, and I can't help but smile. Her eyes level with mine, and she swallows cautiously before turning to grab a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard. "No." I warn her, taking it from her grip, which to my surprise she lets me do. "No, Carla."

"Ok." She just whispers, looking forlorn as her shoulders droop and I briefly observe the bottle.

"Where's this even from?" I unscrew the lid, proceeding to pour it down the sink so she doesn't get tempted.

"Thirty pounds that cost." She just watches me, leaning back against the wall, as I finish draining the liquid.

"Yes well, we don't keep whiskey, you know that." I lay down the rules, as if I had some kind of authority over her, but she doesn't seem to mind. "Sorry, that was patronising... I just mean we don't need it. You don't need it. This stuff is what sends you off the rails."

"No, it's what I drink when I'm going off the rails." She corrects me. "...Makes them feel less... Rusty."

"Until the hangover kicks in." I throw the bottle away, turning back to her. "So... Um, explain... I don't understand."

"Eva's gone away, for good, apparently. Left the baby with Peter. Toyah's gone with her and so Peter's decided he doesn't want to keep Suzie because she's not his... Which is understandable, I guess." She narrates. "He thinks we're the most stable bet to raise her. I mean, I haven't even been through the other options in my head but... I guess, Johnny's too old now to take on that responsibility, and his condition wouldn't help... And Kate and Rana, well, we never know where that's going to lead."

"...And Leanne doesn't want her?" I check and she shakes her head.

"She's got Oliver." The name hits me harder than I expect and I just nod, as a flash of recognition ripples through her expression. "So... What do you think?"

"You sound like you're actually considering this." I realise, shocked at her reaction. "...Are you considering this?"

"I..." She trails off, her eyes meeting mine. "Well... We'd be like... A family. I can't believe I'm saying this, I can't..." She rests her head against the wall for a moment. "I accepted the fact that this would never happen for me. Kids was never something we talked about, Chelle."

"I assumed it wasn't questionable." I hesitate and she just shrugs, which makes my heart flutter slightly. "...You've thought about that? Having children with me?"

"Well... We're sort of running out of time." She phrases it gently. "This... Is like... Fate, in a way, it all makes sense. She's family... Would Aidan have wanted this?"

"Yeah." I respond, without thinking and her eyes well up again, as she forces the tears back. "I haven't even seen her yet."

"I held her tonight." She reveals and I take a step towards her. "Chelle... She looks so much like him. She's his. And I stopped her from crying." I notice her smile slightly and it warms my heart. "I actually stopped her from crying... It was like something from a dream, or a fantasy. I didn't think I'd be able to do that... She looked up at me and I felt something, that I haven't felt since I was pregnant. And I'm so scared but at the same time it's the most... Incredible feeling."

"I know." Tears stream down my cheeks, as I try to keep the smile off my face. "Wow... Ok... Um..."

"Sorry, that was uh..."

"The most amazing thing I've ever heard you say." I finish her sentence and she shifts her feet slightly. "I just... Never thought I'd hear you say those words. Now you have, it seems so right."

"What does?"

"Us, having a baby." I swallow, not wanting to scare her with the thought. "You being a mum."

"Is that how it would work though, I mean..." She tries to fight the confusion. "Would it all go through court? We'd have to change all the legal documents. There's so much to think about before I even consider... The baby element... Nappies and... Bottles and childcare... Oh."

"We could do it." I assure her, suddenly realising how set on the idea I was. Why did I want this so badly? When half an hour ago I had no clue. Why was I now praying this would all work out? "We could. You'd have me. We'd have each other. I did it when I was fifteen, I'm sure I can do it now. When we've got the stability and the love, the money. Everything fits, Carla."

"Ok... Wow, is this real?" She squeezes her eyes shut briefly. "We're actually having this conversation? Chelle, this is terrifying."

"I know it is." I move forward to take her hands in mine. "I know, but we could do it, and every day it would get less scary, more normal."

"Don't build your hopes up." The words are gutting to hear, I feel my heart sink slightly. "I know you're excited but don't get ahead of yourself. You know, this might not work out, we might not be allowed or the documents might not be able to be changed. I don't want you dreaming about something that will be crushed."

"I know that." I argue more abruptly than intended, because I can't help the disappointment that rises as she says it.

"Hey." She tilts my chin up to face her. "But... Ok... We'll think about it. Yeah?"

"Seriously?" I'm still in awe of her decision, her willingness. "...Carla Connor is prepared to think about this? About raising a baby?"

"Well if it was anyone else, it'd take me a lot more thought. Like last time..." She pauses, staring into my eyes meaningfully. "But you're the best mother I know. And you'd make me feel at ease. You'd help me. You understand it. And... If I'm going to do it with anyone, it may as well be my soulmate, hey?"

"Soulmate." I whisper, kissing her gently and she smiles into it. "You think that?"

"Of course I do." She replies, running her hand up and down my arm. "...This is what you want? You want to raise a baby with me? I mean, I have no clue where to start, Chelle. And I'll get stressed out. I'll put it's baby-grow on backwards by accident all the time. I don't know how to test the water to see if it's hot or cool enough. I know nothing about children. And I'm a nightmare. This is an actual commitment, if we're serious about this, you can't change your mind. Not like my mother did... I just hope I'm not like her. Oh God..." She studies me. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm waiting for you to finish." I tell her and she pauses, going back over her babble of emotions.

"I'm finished." She decides.

"Good, come here then." I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her. "Stop doubting yourself. You'll learn, alright? You're not your mother. You're far from it. I've told you that so many times before." I whisper into her hair as I sway her gently. "And, yes, this is what I want. More than anything."

"I think you're mad." She just mumbles and I laugh softly.

"Probably." I pull away, kissing her for a moment. "Now heat that food up because I'm starving."

* * *

I click the light on, my eyes briefly scanning the clock on the side. Two thirty seven. This was why she had insisted on sleeping on the sofa, and why I had to coax her back to bed.

"Sorry..." She mumbles, her face white with fear. "Sorry... You told me to wake you. Sorry."

"I know, I wanted you to, if it happened." I stoke a hand through her hair comfortingly and she rests her head in my chest, staring into space as I feel the rapid beat of her heart against mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"...I just can't stop." She whispers, gripping my shirt with her fingers. "Seeing... The bathroom... I want it to stop."

"Ok." I massage her scalp soothingly. "Why don't we watch something on TV? See if it can take your mind off it?"

"...Mm." She just nods slightly and I reach for the remote, clicking it on and flicking through the channels until I reach some fashion programme.

It doesn't take her long to fall back to sleep. Her eyes begin to flutter closed in sync with my fingers in her hair. Her grip loosens slightly on my top and I lie there for hours, watching the small rise and fall of her chest. The tiniest smile on her lips. Praying that she was dreaming about something she deserved to for a change, something that would make that smile grow.

 **Carla**

"I've overslept." I stress as I leave the bedroom, momentarily acknowledging where Michelle is sat on the kitchen stool, sipping coffee. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Because you needed all the sleep you can get." She yawns tiredly as I sit down to pull my shoes on.

"You haven't slept." I finally observe her properly and she just shrugs, knowing there was no point in denying it. "Why?"

"Because I was worrying about you."

"See, this is exactly why I should sleep on the sofa." I groan, standing up and leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Ok, I was watching you, making sure you were sleeping alright." She corrects herself and the care in her tone softens me. "Um, I've just had Jenny on the phone actually. The funeral is the week after our wedding. Friday."

"Oh." I try to paint a brave face on it, not expecting that nature of news so soon after waking. "Ok, uh... Did you tell Jenny about the wedding?"

"Yeah, I'll sort it all." She assures me. "Don't worry."

"Ok..." I try to snap out of my trance.

"She asked if you wanted to say anything." She dares to add and I dwell on the thought for a moment.

"I'll think about it." I just shrug, before trying to distract myself by preparing for work. "You coming to the factory?"

"We've got a meeting at eleven, sweetheart." She reminds me, holding her phone up. "I've just had Davidson's on the phone. Then I thought we could go and see Peter afterwards."

"Peter." I hesitate, before remembering why. "Oh... Yeah, that's a sentence I never thought you'd say."

"And uh, then I've got to go and see Leslie from the venue later on." She continues, which clouds my mind even more. "About food and guests... I've made a list, so I can sort invites if you just check it over. Ryan's coming, I spoke to him this morning."

"Um..." I cough slightly, trying to focus on the blurred names that were listed on the sheet she has handed to me. "Yeah uh..." I sigh, looking back at her. "Don't stress yourself out."

"I'm not, it keeps me busy." She replies, tapping something out on the laptop in front of her. "I've drafted the invite designs, so as long as they're ok with you."

"I don't really care what the invites look like." I try to say in the nicest way possible, but I can tell it disappoints her slightly. "I mean, does anyone really look at them? They're just to give information really. Besides, I don't think they're anyone's top priority right now."

"Yeah." She just mumbles in response, closing the lid of the laptop. "Work then."

"You look nice." I manage to smile and she returns it weakly, grabbing her bag and following me out of the flat.

 **Michelle**

"Hi Michelle, lovely to see you again." Leslie greets as she shakes my hand. "Here to plan your own wedding for a change."

"I know, it's quite refreshing really." I laugh slightly, indicating to Carla. "This is my fiancée, Carla Connor."

"Nice to meet you." Leslie shakes her hand. "Wow, same surname, that makes things easy."

"Yeah long story... I was married to her brother." Carla decides to input and I can see the surprise flicker in Leslie's expression.

"Not the first time you've done this then." She tries to joke.

"Fifth." Carla recites, before almost realising that for herself. "Wow... First woman though."

"Right." Leslie paints a smile on her face, and I nudge Carla, causing her to flash me an apologetic look. "Well, take a seat." She offers and I sit down on the sofa, in front of a solid oak table laden with leaflets and forms. "We've got a variety of packages. Given the short amount of time you've got to organise everything, we do have our all inclusive package, we provide food, entertainment, decorations, flowers, wedding breakfast, overnight stay with the honeymoon suite, the registrar and ceremony, the works. The only thing you'll have to sort is outfits, any music you might want and anything else personal, which includes hair, make-up, all that jazz. But, Michelle, I know you're a wedding planner and so you may have your own ideas, so we do have other packages to suit."

"Well we do have... Quite a lot going on at the moment." Carla responds, flicking through a brochure. "So perhaps this all inclusive thing would be a sensible idea." She glances at me. "Take the strain off."

"I suppose, but how much is that going to cost?" My eyes move from her to Leslie.

"Money's not important." Carla gives her usual response, which makes me sigh. "We can afford it."

"For the all inclusive package at this point we're looking at around seven thousand five hundred." She explains and my eyes widen, although Carla doesn't look phased.

"That's decent." She scans the building and it's now I realise what her past husbands have had to put up with, almost understanding why Peter had been so reluctant in the weeks leading up to their wedding, despite the pending affair.

"We can afford that?" I check quietly and she shoots me a look.

"Yes, Michelle." She assures me firmly. "Do you not check our finances?"

"...Not really." I realise and she looks back at Leslie.

"Where do I sign?"

"Well, Carla can we just have twenty four hours to think about this?" I ask abruptly, shocked at how rushed she was being, as I turn my head. "If that's ok?"

"As long as you get back to us as soon as possible, because we'll need to organise everything, order food in, prepare staff." She explains and I nod knowingly. "Go home, discuss it and whatever you need us to do, let us know."

 **Carla**

"You made us sound like such snobs." Michelle slams the car door, which makes me shudder slightly.

"Careful with that!" I am protective of my car and she rolls her eyes. "It's what they want to hear, Michelle. Besides, it's the truth, we can afford it. Why, would you prefer for us to look cheap?"

"No, I just don't appreciate you waving your credit card around like a magic wand." She retaliates, pushing the door to the Rovers open and I huff as I follow her in. "Time doesn't matter if you've got money, does it? We can't even have a second to discuss it before you're already asking for the dotted line."

"I agreed to talk about it!" I argue, as we reach the bar and Peter peers up at us.

"How are the brides to be?" He almost grins and I glare at him. "Nightmare planning a wedding with her, isn't it?" He points to me. "Wait until she gets onto favours."

"We need to talk." I snap and his eyes dart between us almost worriedly all of a sudden. I hadn't even mentioned the move he'd made on me yesterday, to Michelle. There had been too much going on. But I couldn't imagine he'd be jumping at the chance to blurt it out either. "Where's Suzie?"

"Asleep."

"She seems to sleep a lot." I narrow my eyes.

"Mm." He just mutters in response. "Well Tracy's coming to get her in a bit-"

"Uh huh, no she's not." I scoff, protectively and I notice Michelle glance across at me in surprise. "Tracy Barlow is not being held responsible for that child."

"Well I've got stuff to do." He shrugs. "I don't have time to look after her."

"Well then we will." I blurt out without thinking, as he finally meets my gaze. "We can look after her for the afternoon... Can't we?"

"Uh, yeah." Michelle adds, shocked at my offer and Peter studies us for a moment.

"Really?" He checks and I nod confidently. "...Well that's a change of heart."

"Well she's my niece." I point out. "I'm not having her lumbered with that psycho."

"Ok..." He hesitates, holding the barrier up. "Come through. I'll get her ready for you."

"Right." I try to sound confident, but my tone wavers with nerves. I'd never looked after a baby before, not even when Ryan was little, not even my own Godson. I'd never been trusted. This was such a terrifying step.

"So, does this mean, you're considering my proposition?" He asks, as he faffs around with equipment and clothing, that was strewn over the sofa in the back room.

"No... Well, we'll just... See how this goes." I shrug, trying to act cool. "It's not quite as straight forward as that, is it?"

"Nothing is for you." He just mutters and I roll my eyes at his joke. "I've been researching it and it looks like one of the options is to go through the process of adoption."

"Ok, well slow down." I almost splutter, holding my hands up at the word. "Just... Wait. Stop researching... Anything."

"Well Carla, I don't want her." He replies, bitterly. "So it's either I research, or I contact social services and reveal all. Then she'll be taken into care-"

"Don't threaten me with that!" I suddenly shout and his head snaps around, as Michelle squeezes my hand. "I said we're dealing with it!"

"Ok!" He makes it sound as if I'm being dramatic, which annoys me, but the graze of Michelle's thumb over the back of my hand calms me down. "I won't, alright?"

"...Thank you." I murmur, swallowing as I shift my feet. "...Do you really need a bag that big?"

"Well there's a lot to remember."

"For a few hours?"

"Nappies, spare clothes, bottles, blankets, toys, thermometer, wipes-"

"Ok." I cut him off, fear creeping up at the very long list. "I'm sure Michelle knows what to do. Don't you?"

"Yeah." She smiles, so naturally. I knew this was hard for her, I hadn't been fair in agreeing to this so suddenly. "I mean, as long as the rule book hasn't changed over the past twenty seven years."

"Well she's had lots of practice since." I stupidly say in an effort to unnecessarily convince Peter, and I feel her shift awkwardly next to me. "Look, can you just go and get her?"

"Yeah." He pauses. "Is there anything you need to know?"

Everything. I think, but don't voice it.

"Is she registered with Weatherfield General?" Michelle asks something that was not playing on her mind. "What's her midwife and paediatricians details? Any medical conditions or medicine that needs to be administered? Is she on formula and if so, have you put the instructions in with it?"

"What?" I pull a face out of confusion, trying to even understand the questions she had asked, let alone the answers.

"I'll write them down." He grabs a piece of paper, scribbling something down and handing it to Michelle. I peer over her shoulder, scanning the words on the sheet.

 _Hospital: Weatherfield General._

 _Midwife: Linda Farmer._

 _Paediatrician: Dr. Moore._

 _No known medical conditions except mild eczema._

 _Nappy usually changed every 2-3 hours._

 _Bottle given every 4, or whenever she gets hungry and before sleep._

"Uh, the instructions are on the tub of formula." He adds. "There's a first aid kid in there but you've probably got one."

"Yeah." Michelle just nods, taking the bag from him and I stare at them, bewildered, before the door bursts open.

"Oh, I really had to see it for myself, didn't I?" Tracy scoffs, watching Michelle sling the bag over her shoulder.

"Excuse me?" I prompt her.

" _You're_ looking after a baby?" She jibes at me and I fold my arms. "Wow... She's lesbian and maternal, this could make ITV news."

"Says Weatherfield's top mother." I ignore her comment, as Peter disappears, heading up the stairs. "What's it to you? You're not even related."

"Well I've just got to be thankful Michelle will be there to babysit you both." Tracy raises her eyebrows and I glue myself to the spot. "You are aware it's frowned upon to drink around babies?"

"I'm stone cold sober."

"First time for everything." She mutters, leaning back against the wall.

"Tracy, what are you still doing here?" Michelle snaps. "We don't need your assistance, thank you. Work on looking after your one child before you attempt to care for any others."

"Here." Peter appears with a baby carrier, Suzie fast asleep inside it and I hesitantly take it, unsure how to hold it for a moment. "...It fits into the pushchair."

"Oh." I peer over at it, trying to mentally work it out as he takes it, strapping it in and tapping the pram finally. "Thanks."

"Well, good luck." Tracy beams sarcastically.

"Cheers, we don't need it." Michelle responds.

"I was talking to the baby." She replies and I roll my eyes, as Tracy stalks out of the room.

"Uh, if you do need anything, you've got my number." Peter looks at me and I just nod bluntly, trying to push the pushchair that is stuck to the floor. I try it with a bit more force, not wanting to wake her up, but it still doesn't budge. "...The breaks are on."

"I know." I lie, kicking them off with my foot and feeling sick with nerves all of a sudden. What if it tipped over? What if she fell out? Everybody was going to see me as I walked down the street. "Michelle... Can you?"

"Yeah." She smiles at me warmly, passing me the bag and taking over like a natural. I follow her out, glancing at Peter for the last time, my eyes falling to the sleeping child that my girlfriend was wheeling out of the building.

* * *

 _ **Let me know what you think!x**_


	24. Preparation

**Chapter 24:**

 _ **A/N: Ok so long chapter, but I've tried to condense about two weeks worth of content and scenes into one hchapter, so I'm ready to collaborate wedding week. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: Sexual content in the last extract.**_

 **Carla**

"So... Ok." I stand against the wall awkwardly, staring at the pushchair which Michelle had parked by the kitchen unit. "What do we do now?"

"Relax." She laughs, a genuine laugh, for possibly the first time in the last few weeks.

"Well... Do we leave it? Her." I correct myself. "Or..."

"She's awake." Michelle peers into the pushchair, her face breaking into an excited smile as she pulls a face at her. I just stare, in awe of how she picks her up so effortlessly, holding her against her shoulder. "Hey you. Oh, she's so warm."

Ok, I was in love.

"Hey sleepy." She rocks her gently, and I hear a slight mumble escape her lips contently, as she nestles into her shoulder. Michelle moves to rest her against her chest, looking down into her face and gasping. I knew why. "She looks so much like Aidan..." She trails off, trying not to cry and I swallow, continuing to watch, learn, love. "Car, you look terrified." She looks up at me and I take a step towards them.

"I'm just... Trying to understand... This." I mumble, as Michelle stares down at her in amazement. I look at how Suzie is staring up at her, taking her in, reading her. I didn't know how babies minds worked, but it mirrored the same way I stared at her, in complete awe of her beauty and presence. She had such a calming nature, it was so warm and comforting. "You're so good with her."

"She's so gorgeous." She whispers, before widening her mouth playfully, unable to tear her eyes away from her. "And tiny. You're so tiny."

"Chelle you're making it very hard for me not to melt right now." I admit and she smiles to herself, looking across at me. "Really... I've got... Butterflies."

"Sweet." She bites her lip gently, which could make me fall back against the wall, but I force myself to remain upright. "Your auntie is sweet." She gazes back at Suzie, as she yawns and Michelle let's out an adorable murmur. "She probably wants feeding, I'll sort it." She puts the kettle on and goes to hand her to me. I stare in shock, the wobbly, floaty sensation that had taken over my body, subsiding. "Hey, you can do it, you said yourself you'd held her before."

"Ok..." I swallow, holding my arms out, as she passes her to me. "Ok, see, I can do this." I talk to myself, which Michelle doesn't seem to mind. It's her turn to watch me as I hold her tightly, scared to drop her, scared for anything to go wrong. "Bet this is an image you never thought you'd see."

"...Well, I feel blessed." She tells me and I flash her a smile briefly, before moving my eyes back, worried that if I take them off her for too long, something will happen. "Cute." She kisses my cheek quickly, heading towards the bedroom and I turn around abruptly, clinging onto Suzie tighter.

"Where are you going?" I panic, and she stops in her tracks. "You can't leave me... Alone."

"Carla, you're doing amazing." She softens slightly, which calms my panic.

"No, please don't leave me with her. What if something goes wrong?"

"It's not going to go wrong." She laughs gently, pausing before heading back towards the bedroom and I stay, rigidly waiting for her to return, squeezing Suzie accidentally in the process and she starts to cry.

"Oh God..." I stress, shifting her against me. "Michelle she's crying." I panic, as if she couldn't hear and she reappears. "She's crying... Help... I can't do babies..."

"Carla, Carla." Michelle tries to calm me down, heading towards me. "Relax, sweetheart." She wraps her arms around me from behind, grazing a finger across Suzie's cheek and my rapid heart slows with her crying at the contact. This was like a dream. This felt so comfortable; Michelle holding me, me holding her. It was scary but at the same time it was so soft. "See, hey, I told you, she's fine." She reassures me, placing a kiss into my hair. "Stop doubting yourself, you can do it. You can do it." She strokes her fingers through my hair, swaying us slightly and I swallow back the nerves. "Hm."

"Sorry." I apologise for no apparent reason. "...It's babies, they're like a foreign language to me. I don't know where to start. I don't even know what formula is... Never mind the questions you were asking about it."

"It's like powdered baby milk." She laughs, letting go of me finally and heading back towards the kitchen unit as I watch her intently. "This." She holds up a tub from the bag, and I go over, treading carefully so Suzie doesn't start crying again. "See, not so scary."

"No." I agree, watching as she ladles out a spoonful into a bottle, pouring the water she had heated from the kettle previously into it and sitting it in a bowl of cold water. "Why do you do that?"

"Because it will be too hot for her to drink otherwise." She explains, seemingly enjoying teaching me. "So you let the water cool down in the kettle, and then some more in the cold water."

"So how do you know when it's ready?" I realise I'm actually interested in the questions I'm asking, and she demonstrates, by tipping the bottle against her wrist.

"When it feels cool enough on your arm." She hesitates. "I'll leave it for a bit longer."

"You had to learn all this and revise for your exams?" My eyes widen. "Wow... I never gave you enough credit... It's very complicated, babies are hassle."

"It's easy when you get used to it babe." She assures me, pointing to the armchair and I sit down, supporting Suzie against my chest. "Here you go." She hands me a bottle and I stare at it blankly. "Ok." She sighs, leaning on the arm of the sofa and adjusting how I am holding her, so my one hand becomes free. Michelle rests her hand over mine, as I take it, tilting it against Suzie's lips, as she begins to suck hungrily.

"Oh..." I murmur in amazement and Michelle smiles at me. "Wow."

"You keep saying that." She giggles and it makes me smile. "Just keep making sure there's milk in the teat."

"The what?" I ask abruptly and she raises an eyebrow at me.

"The top of the bottle." She taps it with her finger, amused. "You're doing great."

"Am I?" I realise how innocent and desperate I sound for reassurance, but the way she was staring at me, clearly it wasn't bothering her.

"Promise." She kisses the top of my head before getting up. "She'll probably fall asleep on you now, you'll be stuck there forever."

"I don't like the name Suzie." I decide out loud, as she sits on the arm of the sofa next to me. "I mean, not for a baby."

"Well that was Peter's choice." She screws her name up at the thought. "Why, what would you call her?"

"...Well I never really went over names when I was..." I trail off, daring to move my eyes back up to her. "But... I think if Aidan had named her, he'd have liked Louisa... You know, after his mum."

"That's pretty." Michelle says quietly, and I can't help my cheeks flushing at how unlike me this was. Or unlike the old me. "And it suits her."

"Yeah well... She's not ours, is she?" I move my eyes back down to her, taking a long pause before releasing the next word. "Yet."

"...Could've fooled me." I can tell she is surprised by my response. "The way you are with her. How much she looks like you."

"Does she look like me?" I ask and she nods contently.

"First thing I noticed." She whispers and it brings tears to my eyes. "Oh, I didn't want to make you cry."

"Yeah, you've made me... Want a baby and cry." I scold her through tears. "That's mean, Michelle."

"Sorry." She laughs softly, kneeling in front of me, as I dip my head to face her, allowing her to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "I've made you want a baby?"

"Well I'm here feeding one." I indicate. "Not many people would be able to make me want to do that."

"Yeah?" She smiles, touched by my words and I nod. "So..."

"So, yes, ok." I sigh, as she bites her lip excitedly. "Ok, we'll... Talk to Johnny and Kate about the idea... If you're sure you want to put up with this, you know, me asking you a million questions a day."

"There's nothing I want more." Her eyes glisten over, reaching up to kiss me. "This..." She smoothes a hand over Suzie's head, leading her fingers towards mine, where they link over the bottle. Her eyes glide upwards again, as she stares at me meaningfully. "This is perfect." She kisses me again. "Perfect."

* * *

 **Michelle**

"Yeah, one in N and one in O." I relay down the phone, scrolling through the jeweller website, as Carla appears in the doorway of the bedroom, make-up freshly applied. "Platinum, yeah."

"Coffee?" Carla mouths and I nod, as she clicks the kettle on, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she studies the laptop.

"I can pick them up tomorrow afternoon." I continue, as she plasters me in kisses and I try to fend her off. "Ok, thank you, bye."

"They're gorgeous." She points to the screen once I've hung up the phone call.

"You've seen them before." I remind her.

"I know." She kisses my cheek, releasing me and going over to the kettle. "I can't wait to have you put it on my hand."

"Well it's not long now." I spin around on the stool, so I'm facing her. "No nightmares?"

"No." She shakes her head, reaching for my hands. "I must have been too cozy. How's the wedding planning going?"

"I'm making my way through the list." I pull it up on the laptop and she winces at it. "It's longer than you think, hey?"

"Mm, Maria text, said thank you for the invite and that her and Liam will be there." She informs me, passing me a mug. "Kate's asking if we're choosing her bridesmaid's dress or if she's getting it herself."

"Oh, as long as it's not white I don't care." I shrug. "It's confusing enough having two brides without having that to distinguish between and all."

"You're wearing white?"

"You're not?" I narrow my eyes and she just shrugs, before taking the laptop off me. "Uh, that's mine." I try to take it from her and she holds it above her head. "Oh, you're so childish. Just because you're literally two centimetres taller than me. Carla, give it back, there might be something you can't see on there."

"Ooh, like what?" Her eyes light up, as she reluctantly passes it back to me, grabbing hers from the coffee table and sitting on the opposite side of the kitchen unit so our laptops are back to back.

"Like, I'm not telling you." I seal my lips, as if I was a little kid, before pulling up the florists number on the website. "What do you want to do for the hen party?"

"Hen party?" She groans, clearly forgetting about the additional factors. "Do we even get one of those? I mean, we have the same friends, it'd just be a... Party, which we both go to."

"We could dress up as stags." My eyes light up and the look she gives me immediately eliminates the idea. "Hi there it's Michelle Connor. I phoned up about an hour ago regarding wedding bouquets. You said to give you a call back."

"Hi Michelle, let me just pass you over." A friendly voice replies, as the hold music sounds and I notice Carla staring at me impressively.

"What?" I whisper.

"I'm just so glad I'm marrying a wedding planner this time around." She grins and I shake my head at her disapprovingly for a moment.

"Michelle, hi. It's Pauline." A familiar voice sounds and I put it on speaker, laying the phone on the surface as I flick through my tabs. "Fourth wedding you've used us for, you'll be needing a loyalty card next."

"Now _there's_ something you haven't told me." Carla teases me quietly and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, this time it's for my own Pauline." I inform her.

"Oh, how exciting!" I can hear her clapping her hands and Carla scoffs slightly, raising an eyebrow as she taps something out on her laptop. "I bet he's really glad he's marrying a wedding planner."

" _She_ is, yeah." I have to hold back a laugh, as my laptop pings and I open the new email.

"Oh, sorry." Pauline suddenly fusses. "Me and my assumptions, I do apologise."

"No worries." I scan the email. "You're not the first."

 _Carla Connor_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.23am_

 _You look gorgeous xx_

I guide my eyes up to watch where she is smiling to herself, studying the screen in front of her, fully aware I had opened it.

"So when's the wedding?" Pauline interrupts my thoughts as I place a hand against my blushed cheeks.

"Next week." I reveal and I can tell she's surprised. "It's all very last minute."

"Wow, you must be keen on her." She laughs and I gaze at Carla.

"Very." I murmur, and she finally looks up at me, pressing enter on her laptop as another email pings through.

"So, have you got an idea for flowers in mind?" Pauline continues, and I try not to get too distracted by the latest email.

 _Carla_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.26am_

 _Do you want to know a secret? Xx_

I raise my eyebrows at her, typing out a response quickly.

 _Compose New Email_

 _To: Carla_

 _Is it PG?_

"Michelle? Are you still there love?"

 _Carla Connor_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.27am_

 _Can't say it is, no ;) xx_

"...Just about." I cough slightly and Carla giggles, as I glare at her. "Uh, yes, flowers. Well, something fairly simple but classy. I've seen a few things on the website..."

 _Carla Connor_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.28am_

 _I've got new underwear on xx_

"Which... I will get up... Now." I almost splutter, diverting my eyes away from the email. "The uh..." My laptop beeps again and I ignore it. "Lavender garden bouquet, or something like that."

"Lavender?" Carla whispers and I hold a finger to my lips, causing her to tap something out again, as my laptop makes another noise.

 _Carla Connor_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.30am_

 _Lavender?_

I tap out my response.

 _Compose New Email_

 _To: Carla_

 _What's wrong with lavender?_

Beep.

 _Carla_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.31am_

 _Nothing, just interested in knowing the colour scheme x_

"Oh yes, I've got it here." Pauline sounds again. "If that's the style and colouring you're going for, we can arrange a series of bouquets alike that, for your bridesmaids and any button holes as well?"

"And you'd be able to do it in time?"

"When did you say the wedding was?"

"Wednesday 30th." I inform her and I can hear her conversing quietly with someone on the other end of the line.

"Since you're a loyal customer, I'm sure we can sort it." She replies, as Carla points at the phone.

"Good business tactic." She nods, impressed and I roll my eyes, a small smile on my face.

"Will you be needing any centre pieces or decorative flowers at all?"

"No, I think the venues sorting all that." I reply. "It's unlike me, isn't it? But since we're on a short timescale I thought we may as well opt for a package deal. How much will that come to?"

"So you need two bridal bouquets?" She tallies up.

"Yeah. One bridesmaid and then..." I mentally calculate Johnny, dad, Ryan, possibly Ali and Liam, briefly skimming over Aidan's name before a sinking feeling erupts inside me. "...Five buttonholes, one's for a child."

 _Carla_

 _To: Me_

 _Today at 8.33am_

 _You ok?xxx_

I just nod in response, realising my face must have fallen in thought and she flashes me a supportive smile.

"That'll come to two hundred and seventy." She tells me and my eyes widen, as Carla gives me a thumbs up and I study her for a moment.

"Yeah, that's fine." I sigh, adding the figure into the budget list and Carla reaches for my hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

"Ok, I'll give you a call when they're ready to collect then Michelle." She finalises. "Good luck with the rest of the planning."

"Thanks Pauline, bye." I hang up, laying my head on the table and bursting into tears for no apparent reason. It's not long before I feel Carla's arms around me, pulling me away from the hard, cold, surface and into the warmth of her chest.

"Hey, it's ok, I've got you." She whispers, her fingers massaging my scalp, as she sways comfortingly from side to side. "Was it my stupid messages?"

"No." I sob into her, delaying the truth out of risk of upsetting her, but knowing she probably knew anyway. "I just can't believe he's not going to be there. When I was thinking it through, I felt like there was someone missing. There is. I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry." The gentleness of her tone relaxes me. "Look at me, Chelle." She tries to tilt my head upwards carefully as I continue to bury it into her shoulder. "Chelle." She sighs, giving up and continuing to hold me. "Alright, I don't want you stressing yourself out, sweetheart. And that's coming from me, of all people. But what might seem like a distraction, if it's too intense, is going to put more pressure on you." I listen to her recite the same advice I'd probably give her if the tables were turned, breathing in the scent of her perfume. "All I want is to marry you, and spend the rest of my life with you."

"I just want it to be perfect for you." I mumble into the silk of her top. "I don't know... I guess, a part of me is competitive with your other weddings... I just want you to have the most amazing day and try to make you smile."

"Chelle, please look at me, please." She laughs gently and I slowly retract, meeting her gaze hesitantly as she wipes the smudged mascara from my cheeks. "It will be perfect. Regardless of what colour the flowers are or what we put in the favours-"

"Oh God, favours-"

"You don't have to try and compete with anything. You won a long time ago." She cups my face in her hands. "That's not going to change. Whatever happens it'll be the best day. I promise you that."

"Ugh, I bet I look so petty." I sniff, grabbing a tissue and dragging it across my face. The buzzer sounds abruptly and she kisses my forehead for a moment before going over to the intercom.

"Hello? Johnny? Yeah, come up."

"Oh no." I quickly grab a mirror, trying to make myself look less sullen and distraught, for his sake. "Help."

"I already told you, you look gorgeous." She sighs, taking a makeup wipe and removing the mascara from my cheeks tentatively.

"Yeah before I had a meltdown-"

"Since when were you planning on adopting my granddaughter?" The door flies open and Carla's head snaps around to face Johnny.

"Flamin' hell, you scared me." She clutches her chest, as I remain glued to the seat.

"Hi." I raise a hand quietly as he glares at us.

"I've just had a run in with Tracy Barlow." He explains and Carla puts her head in her hands.

"Oh great."

"Yeah, great." He snaps. "Great when you're not even informed of your family set up, before public enemy number one. When did this all come about?"

"Nothing's confirmed yet, Johnny." Carla excuses. "It's just an idea floating around, we were going to talk to you all once we'd got our head around the prospect."

"So what? You're going to raise her as yours?"

"No... We don't know yet." I chip in. "We've got a lot to think about, we're trying to take it one step at a time."

"Weddings. Babies. Business." He recites. "It's all working out for you, isn't it? Making all these big life commitments when my son's life is... He's not even... In the ground yet."

"It's really not like that." Carla tries to hug him and he pushes her off, which causes me to stand up. "This is what Aidan would have wanted; to focus on the positive things."

"Oh, well sorry I'm not feeling too positive." He mutters, turning his back to leave. "Enjoy planning your future."

"Johnny, wait-" Carla begins, as he slams the door and we stay in silence, staring in the same direction he left in. "Trust Tracy. She doesn't have a decent bone in her body, it just shows, if she's still stirring at a time like this."

"If that's what Johnny's like, what will Kate say?" I bite my lip worriedly, as Carla sighs, shrugging and holding her arms out to me again.

* * *

"Hi Liz." I approach the medical centre desk. "Is Ali here?"

"Have you got an appointment?" She tilts the black framed glasses that I didn't think she had any need for, aside from giving her a look of unlikely intelligence.

"Uh, no." I frown. "But I just need to talk to him."

"Well, he's got quite a few-"

"Hi." I notice him leaving the office, cutting Liz off as I grab his attention. "Can I have a word?"

"Um..." He looks at me shiftily, clearly baffled at the abrupt change in my mood. "Well I've actually got to be somewhere."

"It won't take long." I beg him. "Five minutes?"

"Sure." He gives in, shrugging as I follow him back towards his office. "Is this another lecture?"

"No, quite the opposite." I take a seat in the patients chair. "I uh, wanted to clear the air... I know we haven't got off to the best start, since you've been back. I'd really like it if we could move on."

"Ok." He nods, and I realise how difficult he is to read. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for trying it on with your girlfriend."

"Like I said, let's move on." I reply, swaying the swivel chair awkwardly. "Everything that's happened with Aidan, it's made me realise how I need to keep special people close. Life's too short to hold grudges... Thank you, for the flowers by the way. To the family."

"That's alright, I uh, I was going to come and visit." He explains, flicking his pen against the wood as a distraction. "Pay my condolences. I didn't know when it would be appropriate... _If_ it would be appropriate."

"Well you are family... I'm getting married next week." I inform him and the surprise sparks in his eyes. "I'd really like it if you'd come."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I mean, I understand if you don't want to. But I'd love for you and Ryan to be there."

"He's coming then." Ali looks distastefully about the idea and I nod. "Well, he's your son, why wouldn't he be?"

"You're both my son's." I tell him and I notice the slight smile that forms on his lips at the statement. I hesitate before pulling the invitation from my bag, handing it to him. "All the information is on there."

"Yeah, ok." He weaves it between his fingers for a moment.

"Yeah?"

"I'll be there." He smiles and I try to force back tears, sighing with relief and accomplishment.

 **Carla**

"Carla?" I hear Maria call from the salon, and I turn from where my hand is paused on the door of the Rovers, a gust of wind blowing my hair back as I cross the road.

"Hi, you ok?" I flash her a smile. Our relationship was a wave of complexity from over the years, but I felt we had finally reached a point of friendship, although she had always been closer to Michelle. "Sorry, I haven't got long. Peter's texted and then I've got to pick Michelle up to go to the cinema."

"Yeah that's fine, I'm just wondering about hair for the wedding." She leans the broom against the wall that she was originally holding. "I know Michelle's staying at mine the night before, but did you still want me to do your hair?"

"Uh, I don't know what Chelle's sorted." I answer honestly. "But if you can, that would be great. Either that or my ex-brother-in-law will have to do it."

"I'm sure I'll be able to pop over." She assures me.

"That's great, thanks." I smile, before pulling my phone out. "Hey, you've seen Michelle's dress, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not telling you what it looks like." She folds her arms. "I'm under strict instructions."

"Yeah it's just, I'm going to pick mine up later today." I pull a picture up on my phone. "I just want to check they're going to co-ordinate. Michelle's so excited, I don't want to mess it up."

"Let's have a look." She peers at it, studying it for a moment. "Wow. That's gorgeous."

"Yeah?" I check. "So it's not going to clash with hers or anything?"

"No, you've both picked really well." She tells me. "You're clearly on the same wavelength."

"Ok, phew." I slide it back into my bag. "I don't know, it's a lot more difficult when you've got two brides."

"Didn't think it through, did you?" She grins, nudging me slightly. "Anyway, I'll let you go. Have fun at the cinema."

"Thanks darlin'." I pop a kiss on her cheek before heading back across the road.

"Ok make it snappy." I lean over the bar, facing Peter. "I've got to go and collect Michelle from the medical centre."

"Driving all the way there to get her, are you?" He tries to crack a joke and I flash him a sarcastic smile.

"We're going to the cinema and the film starts in..." I check my watch. "Twenty minutes. So yeah, what do you want?"

"How important is the cinema?" He narrows his eyes and I immediately realise my plans are going to be slashed. "Or can you take the pushchair with you?"

"Uh, no." I groan. "We're going on a date, that usually involves two people, not three. Unless it's in your case."

"You've got to get used to this, you know." He leans over the bar, tapping the coaster against the wood repetitively. "Soon you'll be parents and you won't be able to have all these 'dates'."

"We won't be..." I trail off, the 'P' word coming as a dramatic shock. "...Exactly why we need to make the most of it now. Besides, we don't know whether it's definitely going ahead yet. I haven't even spoken to Kate. Oh, and thank Tracy for informing my grieving dad for me, won't you?"

"How are you doing?" His voice turns surprisingly soft and I hesitate, before handing him a blatant lie.

"Fine." I just shrug, regardless of the fact we both knew it wasn't true. "The wedding is in a few days so that's keeping us both busy."

"It's all happening very fast." He almost sounds concerned. "A few months ago you were practically sleeping with my brother."

"No I wasn't!" I argue and he scoffs slightly, which causes an involuntary smile to cross my face. "Alright, fine, we'll take care of the baby." I give in, partially because I couldn't stand his constant questioning, more-so because secretly, I missed her. "If you go and get her ready now."

 **Michelle**

The wind catches in my hair as I leave the medical centre, waving Ali off and leaning back against the wall. My eyes fixate on Carla almost immediately, and, more unusually, the pushchair she was holding with one hand, while she flicked through her phone with the other.

"You know, a lot of people don't like crying babies when they're trying to watch a film." I call out to her and she looks up, an apologetic look on her face. I head towards her, descending the steps and popping a quick kiss on her lips.

"I was just texting you." She holds her phone up. "Peter called, asked if we'd rather change nappies than sit through Jennifer Aniston's strip scene."

"There's a strip scene?" I raise an eyebrow and she gives me a look. "...How long did I think I was straight?"

"Yeah well you're just gonna have to put up with me and..." She waves her hand at the pushchair. "This. Bistro?"

"You're paying." I link her arm, as she guides the pram down the cobbles.

"Wow... This is something I never thought I'd see." Kate stands from the table she's sat at with Rana as soon as we enter. She looked in surprisingly high spirits, which was always a good sign. "Then again, nothing you two get up to surprises me anymore. You'll be having your own next." She nudges me and Carla manages a weak smile, her eyes darting across to mine. "Let's have a cuddle." Kate picks her up out of the pram, as I briefly greet Rana. "So did you just ask to look after her, or? Because we were just saying, weren't we babe?" She glances at her girlfriend. "How I don't like her living there. I'm going to ask if we can take care of her as much as possible."

"Oh." Carla nods, swallowing and freezing next to me. I didn't know why, but I felt an element of protectiveness, and felt selfish for doing so. "Well Peter actually offered... Um... Can we join you?" She pulls a chair up, and I look around, panicked at the conversation to follow. I catch Robert's eye from behind the bar, his expression a look of both perplexity and amicability.

"Really, Carla? Now?" I hiss under my breath and she taps the chair next to her, as I slide down into it.

"Uh, can I get you both a drink?" Robert approaches us, staring at the baby in Kate's arms. It was obvious the news had hit the street, otherwise he'd be questioning why we were all passing around Peter Barlow's newborn child.

"Wine... Actually, uh, better not." Carla glances at Suzie. "Orange juice."

"I'll have a lime and soda, thanks Robert." I flash him a smile and he nods before walking off. "It's like I'm pregnant again."

"Let's hope you're not." Kate manages a laugh, although I'm under the impression it may be forced. "Did you want to talk about something?"

"Yeah uh... Look, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to..." Carla begins, as of hesitant to tempt a storm. "Peter's asked Michelle and I to... Take her." There's a silence as Kate catches up with the information. "Eva and Toyah have gone, so basically he's been left to care for her, which he doesn't want the responsibility of, as she's not his. So, he's asked if we'll... Raise her."

"What... So..." Kate frowns, dipping her head to look into Suzie's face, before back at us. "Like, her parents?"

"Well, we don't know yet." I fill in for Carla. "I mean, we haven't discussed the set-up that much... But, I guess we'd just see how something like that... Works out. We wouldn't want to take that away from Aidan-" I cut myself off, realising I'm digging a deeper hole with every word. "I mean... We just want to make sure she has a stable upbringing, loving family. You know?"

"...How do you feel about it sweetheart?" Carla asks gently and Kate smiles slightly, running her thumb over Suzie's head.

"I think... If Aidan knew, he'd be touched by the idea." She reveals and I feel myself relax. "And he'd have every faith in you both to do an amazing job."

"Really?" Carla's eyes widen at her response.

"I mean, as long as I can visit, still be cool auntie Kate." She grins slightly.

"Of course." I reach out to squeeze her hand.

"...You know, if Aidan could see how everything is coming together for you both, I think he'd be so content." Kate swallows back tears suddenly. "You'd be amazing parents... You are, I mean. She's lucky to have you."

"Thank you." Carla's eyes glaze over and I rest my head on her shoulder, as she kisses my forehead affectionately.

"She hasn't changed a nappy yet though." I decide to try and lift the drastically sunken spirits, as I bury my chin into Carla's shoulder, wrapping a piece of her hair around my finger. "You'll need to get used to that."

"Ugh." Carla scrunches her nose up at the thought and it makes Kate laugh again, more genuine this time. "I thought you'd flip out."

"Why?" Kate stands up to pass her to me, and I pull away from Carla, lying Suzie against my shoulder, rubbing her back gently. "Look at you both. It's perfect. She's so lucky. I'm just in awe that you're up for doing it."

"Trust me, I've shocked myself." Carla's gaze is held on me, as I rock Suzie gently. She reaches out to brush the hair behind my ear, kissing me for a moment. "But it's like something I've never felt before... It feels so right." I realise she's now talking to me, fixating my eyes on hers, as she smiles slightly. "I'm actually excited for the future. I'm ready to be domestic and... Mumsy... I must love her. I must love this."

 **Carla**

"Here he is!" I rise from the sofa as the door flies open and Ryan stumbles in, a cheesy, drunken grin on his face as soon as he sees me.

"Here I am!" He practically falls into my arms, and he rocks me over- enthusiastically as I greet him. "Did you miss me? Mum number two."

"Don't call me that." I slap him lightly over the head and he fends me off. "You've had a few."

"Had a few drinks at the p-airport." He slouches down at the dining table and I raise an eyebrow at Michelle.

"Airport." She corrects him and he just shrugs.

"I was telling all my friends at the... Airport." He phrases it slowly. "That I get to see my first lesbian wedding."

"Wow, what a milestone." I lean against the back of the sofa. "Well it's a first for me and all."

"Yeah, but-" He slurs, as Michelle wraps herself around his shoulders, clearly excited to have him back. "Now I've got to have a stag-do with no stag... Just an... Ordinary... Deer-do." He starts laughing to himself. "Oh dear."

"You're not having any 'do'." Michelle assures him and he frowns in response.

"I think you need a lie down Ry." I suggest, as he stands up, accidentally falling over his bag and rising again with a pair of sunglasses on his head.

"Ryan!" Michelle scolds, laughing all the same. "Go and get your head down."

"Nah, I've got to have a few beers with Steve." He announces. "Discuss our stag ideas."

"There are no stags." Michelle reinforces, as if he hadn't heard the first time.

"Well then we're going out on the town, while you have your hen-party." He decides and I groan at the prospect.

"It's not really the wildest hen-party ever." I assure him. "Monopoly and low percentage cocktails with whatever Maria can find to bring from the back of her cupboards."

"Go and sober up." Michelle nudges him towards the spare bedroom and he hesitates. "Ryan, I mean it."

"Fine." He huffs, heading off to the bedroom and I try to keep the smile off my face.

"What?" Michelle narrows her eyes at me.

"You." I laugh, taking a step towards her as I place a kiss on her lips. "Acting like he's still ten years old."

"It never goes away, babe." She assures me. "You'll learn that once Suzie starts getting a bit of lip."

"I thought we weren't discussing that until after the wedding." I prompt, mainly because the statement sparked nerves at the thought. "Hi, by the way."

"Hi." She smiles, kissing me again.

"I can hear you kissing!" I hear Ryan yell, and it makes me giggle into Michelle's shoulder. "Yuk!"

 **Michelle**

"Where've you been?" I look up as Ryan opens the door to the flat. "I checked your bedroom half an hour ago to see you'd gone."

"Just went to get you these." He rolls his eyes, handing me a bouquet of roses. "And I needed to catch up with Tracy."

"Ah, Ry." I lean into them, breathing in the scent. "That's lovely."

"What's lovely?" Carla emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a floaty white top as she drapes herself around my shoulders from behind. "They're gorgeous."

"They're from Tracy's shop." Ryan preens.

"Oh, well don't tell her I said that then." She pats my shoulder before taking the card from the bouquet. "Happy birthday you old slapper?"

"Oh, she's not put that, has she?" He groans, as I take it from Carla, reading it for myself.

"Don't worry that's mild for Tracy." I lean forwards to kiss him on the cheek, as Carla goes to sit down in the armchair, where Maria, Kate and Jenny were gossiping.

"Right, I gotta go." Ryan blows Carla a kiss as she narrows her eyes playfully. "I'll see you down at the police station at about four am."

"Ey!" I point my finger at him warningly. "Don't be doing anything stupid today Ryan. I know what Steve's like, better not lead you astray."

"Behave man." He straightens out the collar of his jacket. "It's not even a stag do, at least I haven't got a groom to take care of. We're gonna get mashed."

"Who's going?" Maria turns to ask him.

"Me, Steve, I asked a couple of my old mates, you know? Like Chesney."

"You and Chesney were never mates." I recall, cautiously.

"We... Got along."

"You slept with his girlfriend." I respond and he hesitates.

"...Maybe I'll ask Tracy if she wants to come." He contemplates and I pull a face. "Since she won't be invited here."

"No she will not." Carla scoffs, as I wave Ryan off, shaking my head disapprovingly as the door closes. There's a fit of giggles, as I perch myself on Carla's lap, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "He'll be fine."

"I don't know how he does it. He got wasted yesterday." I point out, as Carla takes a sip of her drink to avoid the statement.

"Meanwhile, we're going to have a nice quiet, civilised hen-party." She decides, patting my back. "For a change."

"Ooh, sounds great." Maria jokes.

"Cheer up, you." Carla whispers in my ear and I manage a smile.

"Ok." I try to shrug off the overhanging low mood I was for some reason wallowing in. "Who's up for a game of Monopoly?"

"Oh, how appropriate." Kate moans, adding another shot to her drink. "A board game."

"Well I'm sure we can spice it up a bit!" Jenny excitedly takes the bottle from Kate, adding to her own drink, as Carla disinterestedly picks up the Monopoly box, giving me a look.

"We're already turning into an old married couple." She drops it back onto the table, as Maria assembles it. "Jenny pour a little of that into mine, won't you?"

"Uh, careful. Not too much." I tell her and Carla rolls her eyes. "No, you know you're not supposed to drink much on your tablets. I don't want you hungover tomorrow."

"You can see who wears the trousers in that relationship." Kate grins from where she is slumped against the arm of the sofa and I glare at her. "You wearing a suit tomorrow, Michelle?"

"Shush, you." I throw a cushion at her.

"Ok, ok." Maria holds her finger in the air, clearly the only one fussed about the game in front of her. "We playing this or what?"

 **Carla**

"You texted? What's up?" Michelle enters the bedroom, the faint sound of laughter rippling in the background. "Are you not feeling well?" She raises a hand to my forehead and I can't help humming at the contact. "You need to go steady on the drink."

"I've hardly touched a drop!" I exclaim, pulling her towards me. "I just can't keep my hands off you."

"Uh, that's what's so important?" She raises an eyebrow, tapping her phone again, before reading from it. "'I'm in the bedroom, need to talk to you'?"

"Mm, maybe not 'talk', as such." I lean in to kiss her and she smiles slightly, allowing me to part my lips against hers.

"Yes well we have guests."

"I don't care." I persist and she sighs into another kiss, pulling on the hem of my top.

"Are you going to be ok tonight?" She asks, worriedly. "You text me if you have any nightmares?"

"I'm not allowed to text you."

"You can text me." She assures. "You just can't _see_ me."

"Yes I know how it's done, thanks Michelle." I laugh slightly. "Besides, it's hardly a traditional wedding, not in my books anyway."

"You're sure you want to do this?" She trails her fingers up my arm, sending warm shivers down my spine. "I mean, I'd rather you say now than dump me at the altar."

"Woah, why would I do that?" I ask, shocked at her doubt. "Have you seen yourself? Do you know you? I'm the luckiest woman in the world, nothing is going to stop me from marrying you. Nothing." I kiss her again, pulling away suddenly. "Unless you don't want to."

"Hm." I tilt my head to the side, as if in thought, teasingly as she gently slaps me on the arm. "Ok, I have something to tell you." Her eyes sparkle slightly and I find it both adorable and sexy. "I was going to save it for-"

"Alright you've been a while now!" Kate suddenly shouts from the living room, cutting Michelle off. "We are still here, you know? Save it for the honeymoon suite."

"Kate!" I call back, scolding her, noting Michelle's eye roll at the assumption. "...Don't put ideas in my head." I lower my voice and she grabs my hand.

"Come on." Michelle leads me out of the bedroom. "Save your mucky talk, top my drink up."

 **Michelle**

"Hi! You came." I hold my arms out to greet Ali as he enters, having texted him about half an hour ago to let him know our transfer to The Rovers. Jenny had been the one to sway our decision, insisting we move on from the flat. So our 'hen-party' was even less of a statement, now we'd joined Ryan, Steve and Daniel.

"I thought you were having a 'sophisticated, posh do'." Ali quotes me, smiling briefly at Carla.

"Well, we were." She shrugs, my eyes drifting to the moustache she had drawn on with eyeliner. "Until we realised we weren't sophisticated or posh."

"Uh, hey you!" I exclaim. "Speak for yourself."

"So, instead you've come dressed as blokes." Ali observes. "When neither of you are marrying any."

"It's the irony." Carla nods, grabbing the baseball cap off Ryan's head and popping it on her own, which admittedly, was a very attractive look.

"Oi!" Ryan snaps his head around. "You're not even supposed to be in here. This is the boys territory, beer and football."

"Oh how stereotypical." Carla nudges him playfully. "You're all so manly. I could heave."

"We could drink you all under the table." Maria announces, hanging off Carla's shoulder. "In fact, we will do in a minute."

"Yeah?" Ryan points feverishly at Ali, a look of distaste in his eyes. "I could drink him under the table, if he's up for the challenge."

"No thanks." Ali shrugs him off. "I'm more mature than that."

"Glass of fizz?" Carla asks nobody in particular, more-so aiming at Peter to prepare several and coughing to divert the awkward silence that has formulated in response to my boys' tension. She grabs the bottle, alongside her water, beckoning me over to the nearby booth. I scoop up some glasses, taking a seat opposite her and accompanying Jenny, Maria and Kate, who was lying on the table sullenly.

"You alright?" Carla asks her, stroking a hand through Kate's dark locks.

"...Still expect to see him walking down the street in his suit." I can tell she is hesitant to raise the conversation, but with the slightly forced celebrations, it was obvious the matter was something playing on all of our minds.

"I just can't believe..." I begin, glancing at Carla, hesitant to upset her. "...That we're going to get married and he's not going to be there."

"He'll be watching." Jenny assures us and Carla nods, smiling at me supportively, reaching for my hand across the table.

"To Aidan." She eventually breaks out the trance, holding her glass up and I follow her, along with everyone else. There is a chorus of his name, a clink of glasses and then a silence.

 **Carla**

"Wild night." I yawn, throwing the keys down on the side table. "Turned into more of a 'do' than I expected."

"Yeah." Michelle leans back against the wall, watching me for a moment. "It was good though. To see people smile. Just a shame Johnny wasn't there."

"You think he'll come tomorrow?" I dare to ask and she just shrugs, almost apologetically. "I was going to ask if he'd walk me down the aisle, somehow I didn't think it was appropriate..."

"Wait, you haven't asked him?" She asks, surprised. "Carla, who's going to do it then?"

"No one." I just respond. "What time are your parents getting here tomorrow?"

"They're here. I just got a text." She holds her phone up. "They're staying in a B and B nearby. They'll probably be at Maria's before I'm even awake tomorrow morning." She bites her lip worriedly. "Are you going to be ok here?"

"I've got Kate." I reassure her, despite the fact she had her parents, Ryan, Ali and Maria all rallying around her. She was staying at Maria's tonight and getting ready there tomorrow morning. Whereas I was having the flat, with Kate accompanying me.

"Why don't you ask Roy if he'll give you away again?" She persists and I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily, which silences her. "I'm sorry... Everything has been rushed. I feel like the last few weeks have been a blur."

"Well you've been amazing." I open my eyes again, reaching for her hand. "Really, Chelle. You've put so much effort into this. Organised everything. You really didn't have to, but I'm so grateful."

"I just hope tomorrow goes smoothly."

"As long as I get to put a ring on your finger, that's all that matters." I smile and she returns it.

"You know the order for the ceremony?"

"I know the order, Chelle." I laugh, finding her fussing adorable. "Stop fretting. It'll be perfect."

"Will it?" She continues to stress, and I finally pull her in, scooping the hair back out of her face.

"Stop worrying." I kiss her, finding it strange that these would be the last few minutes we would spend together, before I saw her at the altar. "You had something to tell me." I remember suddenly and she frowns. "Earlier, you said there was something you wanted to tell me."

"Oh." She instantly looks hesitant, before letting go of me and padding over to the bedroom. She returns with a black shiny box, silver engraving on the top of it, handing it to me slowly.

"What's this?" I begin and she places a hand over mine before I can pull the lid off.

"Ok, um..." She clears her throat. "This could go one of two ways, really... I should have checked before I did it... But I wanted it to be a surprise, so..."

"What are you talking about?" I muse, allowing her hand to slip away as I take the top off the box, revealing a gorgeous corsage inside. "Chelle... That's beautiful."

"Um... It's actually, well the material..." She pauses. "It's one of Aidan's ties. I got it specially made, took the fabric from it and thought... It's sort of... Old, new... Borrowed. Kind of blue, I mean, more a pale purple, but I wanted it to fit with the colour scheme and besides... Like you said it's not really a traditional wedding so why follow the rules?" She continues to babble, as I stroke my finger across the silky material that was woven between the flowers. My eyes brim with tears and I can tell it's making her panic, but I'm so frozen in thought and emotion I struggle to formulate something I response. "...Um... Sorry. I'm sorry... I just thought, you know, this way he'd be here with you. A part of him. He'd be with you, supporting you... I'm going to stop talking because... Oh please don't cry, I'm sorry." She stresses, as tears spill down my cheeks. "Carla..."

"Thank you. Thank you." I cry, pulling her in and sobbing into her shoulder. I can sense she is unaware of what to do or how to react for a moment, stroking her fingers through my hair. "...You're the most incredible person. Nobody would have thought to do something like that for me. It's... So beautiful."

"So you do like it?" She asks gently, letting go to observe my expression and I sigh, reading her gaze.

"Michelle... I don't have the words." I look back down at it, slipping it onto my wrist. "This is the most thoughtful thing... Wow."

"I was worried you'd be annoyed that I you know... Used his things behind your back." She swallows and I shake my head.

"You're such a beautiful person." I whisper meaningfully. "...I don't know what to say... I..."

"You don't need to say anything." She smiles reassuringly. "He'd be so proud of you."

"Yeah?"

"So proud." She enforces and I try to clear the tears from my cheeks. "They're artificial as well, so you can keep it afterwards."

"It's gorgeous." I continue to admire it. "Now my present doesn't seem as special."

"Present?" Her eyes narrow and I produce an envelope from my bag, handing it to her as she opens it. Pulling out the plane tickets, she concentrates on figuring it out for a moment. "The Maldives?"

"Two weeks." I add, tapping the folded up piece of paper with the accommodation information on. "We go just after the funeral... I told you I'd take you somewhere, once I was better. You gave me the courage and strength to pull through. So, see it as a honeymoon, and a thank you, for getting me over everything, sticking by me."

"This is a wind up?" Her face breaks into an excited smile and I shake my head. She practically jumps on me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "You know I've always wanted to go."

"I know, why do you think I booked it?" I laugh, as she smothers me in kisses. "Five star luxury, just you and me."

"That must have cost a bomb."

"Will you stop worrying about money?" I nudge her. "We've got to have a honeymoon, haven't we?"

"I love you. I love you. I love you." She repeats over, like an excited kid. It was as if I'd just told a six year old they were going to Disney Land.

"Well that's a good job." I kiss her nose, moving down to her lips. "Hm... I love you too. I've never loved anybody like I love you."

"I've never loved anybody like I love you." She says it so meaningfully, I hang off every word. "...Especially after this." She giggles, patting the envelope and I seal my arms around her waist, kissing her again, allowing myself to fall against the back of the sofa as she holds me. Her hands tangle in my hair, guiding my own up her back. I intensify the kiss, pressing my body against hers, breathing in the lust that hung in the air around us.

"Hold on." I suddenly stop and she looks concerned for a moment, worrying I had freaked out again. I unclip the corsage from my wrist, placing it on the kitchen counter and a look of relief flashes across her expression. Before proceeding, I pull my top over my head, toying with the hem of hers, lifting it over her frame and unclipping her bra. I observe her for a moment, taking her in, appreciating everything and not taking it for granted. Stepping forwards, I cup her breasts in my hands, winding my thumb around the nipple, allowing her to release a soft gasp at the contact.

Her fingers move to my shoulder, edging me forwards to kiss her, before I move my lips down to her neck, desirable kisses planting their way across her collarbone. She throws her head back, chestnut hair trickling down her body, one of her hands catching in my hair again as she guides my head towards her nipple. Beginning to suck affectionately, I hear her sigh, releasing a sufficient amount of sensuality which causes a warmth to build between my legs.

"You know we're not supposed to do this the night before our wedding." She breathes, her words catching on every gasp she releases.

"Are you asking me to stop?" I whisper against her skin, which makes her shiver pleasurably.

"No." She pushes my head forwards again, and I very gently nibble on her bud, emitting a sudden moan from her lips. "It's not like we're playing by the rules anyway."

"Well if that's the case." My fingers move to her jeans, unbuttoning them and sliding them down her legs. I place a hand flat against the lace of her underwear, weaving a singular finger in circular motions.

"My God, I want you."

"You've got me." I hum, now against her chest as I crouch to place kisses down her body. She leans further against the sofa, weakening as she feels my tongue flick against her sensitive point. "See?"

"Yeah." She places a hand on the back of my head, arousing another sigh as I twist my tongue around her, already tasting a hint of her salty flavour in my mouth. I listen to her moan, finding it incredibly sexy how she continues to push my head towards her, insinuating her need for more. I move my tongue into her, curling it so she moans loudly, feeling a tap on my shoulder. I don't even need to look up, sliding the vibrator from her hand into mine and clicking it into action as I rest it against her.

"Mm." She suddenly swallows, her legs weakening drastically and I move to hold her upright, pressing it against her harder. "I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna..." She gasps, as I pause, causing her to sigh in deprivation despite her commands. I take her hand, guiding her around to the sofa and allowing her to sit on it, legs spread, so I am knelt before her. I waste no time in proceeding, slipping the vibrator into her smouldering core and sucking her clit for extra effect.

The noises emitting her mouth instantly proceed. The calls of my name. The begging for more. I listen to her, I follow, trying to hold myself back just at the sound of her wails. Her nails grip my back, moving forwards to bite my shoulder, panting on me as I increase my actions. Arching her back, my tongue meets the burst of flavour that erupts from her, relishing it as she groans loudly. Her head falls on my shoulder, trying to catch her breath, respiring heavily against my skin.

"You ok?" I manage a small laugh, removing the toy from her and having no other method than to lick it clean. She watches me do so, the slight aroused sparkle to her eyes being something so memorable from every few minutes that followed our intimacy.

"Yes. I'm ok." She slaps me lightly, before sliding off the sofa, placing a hand on the back of my head as her legs wrap around my waist. She lets me fall back, supporting my head as my hair fans out against the carpet, tearing the toy from my grip and teasing the vibrations against my nipple. It causes me to instantly moan, already turned on enough from seeing her in such an erotic state. She moves her lips down my body, clearly craving me after watching me relish her.

"Mm." I mumble, as her tongue slides around me, tangling my own hands in her hair. Licking the involuntary residue that had been produced just from watching her, she guides her tongue into me for just a moment, sparks flooding down my spine at the sexual flicker that ripples inside me. I don't even have time to notice the transfer of the toy from my nipple to my core, but the sudden tickling pulsation intensifies my desire for her. "You're honestly amazing."

"I'm flattered." She just mumbles against me, the soft hum of her words in time with the vibrations, as she twists her tongue against me. "Flattered I can make you feel like this."

"Yeah well..." I pause to catch my breath, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to hold back a moan. "Nobody ever has... Made me feel... Like-"

"This?" I hear her almost laugh as she pushes herself against me, increasing the pulse of the toy inside me and causing me to emit an involuntary scream. "Shh." She giggles softly, placing her spare hand against my mouth and I shake my head, biting down on her fingers gently to stop me from repeating it. I spread my legs at the pleasure, giving in and allowing it to overcome me, releasing against her as she absorbs the liquid with her tongue.

I lie flat on my back, my eyes fizzing from squeezing them shut, fluorescent colours dancing on the ceiling for a moment.

"Well." Michelle trails kisses back up my body, meeting my lips as I taste myself against her tongue. "You are incredibly sexy."

"Yeah, likewise." I swallow, as she tucks her head beneath my chin, lying half on me, half next to me. "Beyond expression. Off the scale."

"Ok, my head will expand." She trails a finger along my chest and we lie in silence for a moment. "I don't want you to go. I want to stay here."

"On the floor?"

"Yeah, with you." She completes and I kiss the top of her head.

"I'll see you tomorrow. You better not be late." I warn her playfully. "Don't leave me hanging. Or tease me."

"Think I've done enough of that." She presses her hand against my chest and I nudge her. "I'll be there." She tilts her head to look at me, placing another lasting kiss on my lips. "I promise."

I'm about to reply with something equally as reassuring, before the buzzer blurts out across the room. I freeze for a moment, completely forgetting Kate for a while.

Reluctantly rolling Michelle off me, I have to cling on to the table to rise, my legs still weak from the intercourse. I glance down momentarily at where she was still splayed across the carpet, hair fanned out like a mermaid. She was beyond beautiful. The green of her eyes meet mine and she smiles softly for a second, before indicating to the door as another buzz sounds.

"Yeah?" I eventually call into the intercom, as if I didn't know who it was.

"Carla, it's me." I hear Kate's twinge of confusion in her tone. "Can I... Oh hold on. Thank you." I hear her say to someone else. "It's ok, Robert's let me in."

"What?" I panic, dropping the receiver and throwing Michelle's clothes at her. "Get dressed now."

"Why?" She stresses, suddenly pulling herself up, as I grab the dressing gown slumped over the kitchen stool, wrapping it around me and kicking my pile of clothes across the carpet, which resolves nothing.

"Why is the latch on?" Kate demands, as the door comes to firm halt, an inch open as she peers through.

"Uh, because..." I push Michelle towards the bedroom and she emits a laugh, gathering my clothes and closing the door.

"What are you doing?" She asks accusingly, as I finally release the chain, allowing her to step into the flat. It takes her a matter of seconds to stare at my expression, before raising an eyebrow. "I said save it for tomorrow."

"Save what?"

"Sex!" The word is vivid as it falls out of her mouth and it causes me to splutter a coughed laugh. The bedroom door opens hesitantly, and Kate shoots Michelle a disapproving look, folding her arms.

"Hi, Kate." She raises a hand to greet her.

"You're not supposed to sleep together the night before." She informs us, as if I hadn't had enough practice. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

"We haven't-" Michelle begins, as Kate points to her.

"Your top is on backwards."

"I better get going." Michelle diverts the topic, grabbing her suitcase and the large dress bag that was firmly zipped, pulling her coat over her attempts at dressing herself. I grab her hand, pulling her towards me and ignoring Kate for a second as I kiss her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You will." I kiss her again. "I love you."

"I love you."

"Ok!" Kate claps her hands. "Plenty of time for that tomorrow, bye bye."

"I know you're bridesmaid but wow." I poke Kate in the arm.

"Bye, you." Michelle waves, flashing me a smile before hugging Kate and leaving.

"I didn't realise you were so traditional over weddings." I go over to the cupboard to pull the glasses from it, pouring out the wine.

"I'm not." She shrugs. "But, you'll appreciate it more tomorrow, the less time you spend together tonight."

"I don't think I could appreciate her anymore." I confess, taking a sip of my drink and leaning against the counter. "You know, I've never been able to say this with such confidence. But I just know tomorrow is going to be perfect. For once, it's all going to work out. Nobody's a murderer. Nobody will sleep with the babysitter. Nobody will storm in and expose dirty lies about me. Nothing's going to go wrong... I'm sure of it."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Some cute stuff before the drama of wedding week kicks off! So excited for tonight's episode and the ones to follow! Hope you all enjoyed, sorry if the chapter was a bit crammed. Also, there's a new Carchelle fic up called Glass Hearts, by an amazing author Brooklyn Blue, so you should definitely check that out if you get a chance and haven't already! Thanks to you all xx**_


	25. Vows

**Cha** **pter 25:**

 _ **A/N: Been waiting to write this wedding for soo long! It came down to it and I realised how little I actually knew about writing weddings, having (I think) only written one which was Gary and Sarah's in I Hate You I Love You, so I hope it is ok! Enjoy!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: Suicide references.**_

 **Carla**

"Wakey, wakey." A beam of light is cast across my face as I hear the gentle sweep of the door, groaning sleepily at Kate's blurred appearance. "It's the day I never thought would happen."

"Cheers." I mutter, pushing myself up against the pillows, as Kate places a tray down on my bed.

"No I just mean because I never saw you two even getting together." She explains, perching on the edge of the bed and pointing to the tray she had ladened with toast, fruit and orange juice.

"This got champagne in?" I pick up the glass and she raises an eyebrow.

"It's quarter to nine." She points out. "And you're welcome by the way."

"How did you sleep?" I flash her an appreciative smile, sipping on it as I try to adjust myself, preparing for the day ahead.

"Very comfortably." I can tell she is trying to sound particularly positive, to distract the fact that both of us were missing our vital jigsaw piece of a brother. "Nervous?"

"No." I answer honestly. "Not yet anyway. Should I be?"

"You know Michelle." She reaches out to squeeze my hand. "I think this is a wedding you don't need to be worried about."

 **Michelle**

"Oh it's all go in here!" Ryan pushes the door open, just as dad sets off a party popper, causing Liam to laugh excitedly. I nurse the cup of tea in my hands, feet propped up on the sofa as Maria works on an intricate plait in my hair.

"There you are!" Dad claps him on the back, pulling him in for a hug. "Rolling in late as ever."

"Uh, it's half past nine!" He points to the clock. "Where's grandma?"

"In the bedroom." I wave my hand towards it. "Trying to pretend this isn't happening."

"I'm doing my eyeshadow!" She calls back in a thick Irish accent.

"How late were you out?" I ask my son and he just shrugs guiltily.

"I don't exactly remember much of it... Me and Tracy necking a bottle of sambuca at the bus stop is the most recent memory. Then I woke up in some woman's house this morning. She was wearing my Ibiza t-shirt... I think she was married."

"You think she was what?" I snap, my head flying around as Maria pushes it back into place.

"Stay still." She scolds and I tut under my breath. "Liam calm down sweetheart. I don't want the flat turned into a bomb site."

I jump slightly as my phone beeps, grabbing it from the coffee table and opening the new message.

"That's not Carla is it?" Dad checks.

"No." I lie. "It's Leslie, checking last minute arrangements."

 _Text Message:_

 _From: Carla_

 _Good morning gorgeous, I hope you slept well. It's very quiet over here, but I hope you're having a more exciting morning. I love you xx_

I try to keep the smile off my face, despite the fact Maria is reading it over my shoulder and I raise a finger to my lips as she starts to gush.

 _Text Message_

 _To: Carla_

 _Morning beautiful, I slept well thank you, wish you'd been here though. Keep smiling and I'll see you in a few hours. I love you too xxx_

 **Carla**

 _Text Message_

 _From: Chelle_

 _Morning beautiful, I slept well thank you, wish you'd been here though. Keep smiling and I'll see you in a few hours. I love you too xxx_

"That better not be Michelle." Kate whips the phone out of my hand, clocking the smile on my face. "Cute."

"Can you not read my messages, please?" I snatch it back and she rolls her eyes, sitting back down next to me and dabbing her brush in the eyeshadow palette. "You better know what you're doing."

"I took a make-up course in Spain." She assures me. "Trust me, your make-up will look miles better than Michelle's."

"It's not a competition." I laugh, as the soft brush strokes across my eyelid calm me. We sit in silence for a moment, reluctant to open my eyes because I knew what was dwelling on both of our minds. "...We'll raise a toast to him later."

"Yeah." She just responds, which just confirms my assumptions that she was thinking the same thoughts as me.

"...Do you think I should have postponed?"

"No." Her reply is again blunt, and the hesitancy of the brush indicates her delayed addition to the sentence. "Everyone would feel worse if you did."

"Michelle thought it would lift people's spirits-"

"And it will." She almost snaps and I open my eyes to see the brush shaking slightly in her grip. She forces a smile as I chew my lip, my eyes gliding to the photo frame on the mantelpiece of Aidan, Kate and I from New Years Eve. The same night I broke down in the street to Roy, over my illness. It had been taken moments before twelve. My smile looked so weak, so cracked, just like Kate's did now. "It's going to be great." She follows up and I just nod as the buzzer sounds. "Who's that now?"

"I'm not expecting anyone." I reply, realising how little people I had in comparison to Michelle.

"Dad?" She sounds surprised and my eyes widen. "Yeah, come up."

"Do you know if he's coming?"

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out now." She shrugs. "Were you going to ask him to give you away?"

"Well... I was." I pause. "But I didn't know whether it was appropriate."

"Hi." Johnny slinks into the flat, shoulders slumped, Jenny accompanying him. I stand up, approaching him cautiously as he manages a smile. "You look beautiful."

"Well... My dress isn't on, my hair isn't done and I think Kate's only done one eye." I point to the lid that is partially made-up. "But thanks."

"You're going to look like an angel." He continues, and I already knew I wasn't going to be getting the news I was hoping for. "I can't wait to see the pictures."

"...Oh right." I swallow, trying to force a twinge of positivity into my tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, darling." He sighs apologetically. "I just can't face it."

"No, I understand." I assure him, despite the fact I'd literally felt my heart sink. He hadn't been there for my weddings for Paul, Tony or Peter, and hardly showed for my wedding to Nick, despite agreeing to walk me down the aisle. But he had a valid excuse, and it was expectable that today would be hard for all of us, let alone him. "I'll uh, make sure I take loads of photos for you."

"Promise you'll give them both a wonderful day, yeah?" He looks at Kate and she nods, rubbing his back supportively. "And any drinks today are on me."

"Johnny-"

"No, I insist." He holds a hand up. "You get a few bottles of champagne, raise a toast... Have the time of your life."

"Thank you." I whisper and he smiles before I practically run towards him, pulling him into a hug. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_. I tell myself over. "I'll let Michelle know."

"No it's alright, I'm headed over there now anyway." He pulls away, kissing my cheek, before remembering something. "Oh, um... Here." He produces a gold necklace from his pocket, letting it slip into the palm of my hand. "Aidan's St. Christopher. I thought it could be your something borrowed."

"...Dad." I stare down at it in disbelief, deciding now wasn't the time to mention Michelle's gift. "Thank you, thank you so much."

"So, you'll wear it?" He asks gently and I nod through tears.

"Of course I will." I pull him in for a hug again. "And I'll give it back to you tomorrow?"

"Huh?" He looks almost dazed for a moment, his eyes distant as I pull away.

"Well it's something borrowed, so I'll give it you back tomorrow."

"Oh..." He just responds, avoiding eye contact. "Yeah. Yeah of course."

"Meanwhile, I'm here to get the party started!" Jenny holds up a bottle of fizz and I give Kate a look of distaste at the idea.

"Oh, you're staying?" Kate puts on her usual false excitement.

"Well I thought I'd come and help out." Jenny beams, as Johnny waves me off and I watch as he exits.

"There's not much to help with." I sigh, trying to shift my sunken spirits, beckoning Kate over. "Come and finish my make-up."

"Alright, your highness." She nudges me, thinking I didn't see the pain in her expression. "Let's get you looking amazing."

 **Michelle**

"You know, you can't say every day that your two best friends are getting married." Maria clinks her glass against mine. "I mean, I haven't got much family around here, but you two feel like my sisters... If I can still say that."

"Ah." I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Course, we're all gonna be family now anyway."

"We were already family." Ryan frowns, downing the rest of his pint as I take the glass from him. "My mum's marrying my auntie."

"Alright." I stop him. "Enough of that, I don't want you half cut during the ceremony."

"Yeah, I won't be able to make my speech." He grins and I narrow my eyes.

"You're not making a speech." I point at dad. "Dad is."

"No, he said I could do it." He informs me, and I glance at dad's guilty expression. "Said my ideas were more fresh and exciting."

"Fresh and exciting?" I stress. "What does that mean?"

"Relax." He laughs, refilling my glass. "You know I adore the pair of ya, and I have good things to say about Carla, unlike grandad."

"Hey!" Dad cuts him off. "I like the lass, why do people assume I don't?"

"Well you didn't get off to the best start." I point out, going over to straighten his collar. "You look a mess. I'm not having you walk me down the aisle like that. Maria can you do something with his hair?"

"What's wrong with my hair?" He exclaims, as Maria laughs, checking her phone.

"Right, I'd best get over to Carla's." She announces, as the door opens and everyone turns to face Johnny.

"Hi." He waves at the sea of faces. "Your mother let me up, Michelle."

"Johnny." Barry goes over to clap him on the back and Ryan slings his arm around me as I watch them embrace. "How are you doing?"

"Uh..." He just trails off, looking at me and I know exactly what he is going to say. "I've just come to apologise, really... I won't be at the wedding."

"Oh Johnny that's ok, whatever you need." I go over to wrap him in a hug.

"You look absolutely gorgeous." He steps back to admire me. "My daughter is very lucky."

"I'm the lucky one." I assure him and he kisses my forehead gently. "Have you been to see her?"

"Yeah." He looks guilty at the thought. "...I should be there."

"No she'll understand." I tell him sincerely. "How is she?"

"She's alright." He manages a smile. "She looks beautiful."

"I bet." I bite my lip at the thought. "Ok... Take care, yeah?"

"Yeah." He lets go of me, turning to leave before pausing, meeting his eyes with mine again. "Tell her I love her. You'll always look after her?"

"I will." I promise him, and his smile fades sadly as he exits the flat. Everyone kicks back into action, as I stare at the doorway, memories flashing through my mind.

 _You'll always look after her?_

"Mum? Mum?" Ryan's voice drills into my mind and I turn to face him. "Help him."

"Who?" I blurt out, shocked as if he'd read my mind.

"...Grandad." He points and I turn to where dad is struggling with the flower in his button hole, closing my eyes momentarily.

"I just uh..." I grab my bag, heading towards the door. "Need to..."

"Michelle, you can't go and see Carla!" I hear dad call after me.

"I'm not." I turn to tell him. "I won't be long." I pace down the steps, the humid air of the street hitting me. Sun rays were cast over the cobbles, the blue sky engraved with wisps of cloud. "Johnny?" I yell and he turns with surprise in his expression.

"What are you doing?" He approaches me, sorrow and grief making his shoulders droop. "You can't be out here after having your hair and make-up done."

"Why did you ask me to always look after her?" My voice is more accusing than expected and he just shifts his feet against the cobbles hesitantly. "Johnny? I know this is hard... I mean, I don't know, like you do. But with time it'll get easier. I know right now that's not what you want to hear and you want to rage and cry and do... Rash things." He looks up at me, noticing the fear in my eyes, communicating the insinuation we weren't going to put into words. "But please, I'm begging you to realise how many people are here for you. How many people love you. Everybody in that flat." I point to Maria's before shifting my finger to Victoria Court. "And that flat. They need you. They love you."

"I don't understand what you..." He trails off, blatantly lying and I swallow, producing a card from my bag and handing it to him. He stares down at it for a moment, his face expressionless as he reads the words on it.

 _Samaritans: Call: 116 123._

 _For everyone, 24 hours a day._

 _CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably): 0800 58 58 58._

 _For Men, 5pm to midnight every day._

"I'll cancel the wedding today, be there for you. Show you how many people care." I beg him. "If that's what it takes. Because I didn't see the signs once, I'm not letting that happen again."

"Michelle." He swallows, tears welling up in his eyes. "Go back to the flat, get ready for your wedding."

"No!" I say stubbornly and he looks shocked at how assertive I was being. "Look... It's hard. It's so hard." I take his hand in mine. "But we are all here for you to help you through. Us, them." I tap the card he is gripping so tightly. "I'll get you an appointment with a counsellor, or to see a GP. Anything it takes. Please, just realise how much we all need you. All the reasons you should battle through this because you will." I whisper, levelling my eyes with his. "You will."

"...Thank you." He bursts into tears, crying on the shoulder of my white hoodie. I hold him in the street, listening to him sob, thank me over and over for reasons I wasn't even aware of. Everything I said was a blur, a panic of emotions and desperation. "Ok..." He finally pulls away. "I'm going to go home and get a shower."

"Yeah?" I check and he nods confidently.

"Then I'm going to... Look this up." He taps one of the numbers on the card. "Or at least, find help on the computer."

"You'll go and see Liz or someone?" I suggest. "So you're not alone today?"

"Ok, ok."

"I'll text her and check, you know?"

"You don't need to check up on me."

"I'm not." I assure him. "I just care about you."

"...Alright." He gazes at me meaningfully. "Ok."

"Johnny?" I call after him, as he begins to walk off and he turns. "If you need anything, you message me."

"I know." He manages a smile. "Thank you, Michelle."

 **Carla**

"How is she?" I ask Maria before she can even get through the door and she arches her brow, setting her case down on the kitchen unit. "I mean, hello, thanks for coming over."

"More like it." She folds her arms. "She's fine. She looks amazing."

"Yeah?" I relax slightly. "Well then, you best get cracking on this." I point to my hair. "I don't want to be getting upstaged now, do I?"

 **Michelle**

"Right." I just mutter down the phone, leaning my head back against the brick of the salon. "Well there's nothing you can do, I suppose. If anything it's just confirming my suspicions already. Yeah, we'll be in touch Leslie, bye."

"Michelle? Are you alright?" I hear a familiar voice, turning my head against the wall slightly so my eyes meet Robert's.

"No." I just respond and he looks surprised at my honesty.

"Today's supposed to be the happiest day of your life." He nudges me, forcing a smile even though I knew the words must ache to release. "You're getting married."

"I'm not." I respond shortly, staring at the gold lettering of The Rovers sign, the peeling green paint. "Not anymore."

"Huh?" He narrows his eyes, trying to work out my bombshell. "What? Did one of you get cold feet? Is it Carla? Because I'm telling you now, she doesn't realise how lucky she is-"

"Nobody got cold feet." I tell him, before raising my phone weakly. "That was Leslie, from the venue. They've had flooding overnight and can't open today."

"...Oh." He just swallows. "...What? And they've only told you now?"

"Apparently they thought they could recover it." I shrug. "But then they've uncovered all the decorations and chair covers from the cellar and it's all ruined, and they can't drain the excess water from the ceremonial room... I don't know, anyway... I've got to somehow break it to Carla."

"Hold on." He grabs my hand as I start to walk off and it stops me in my tracks. "Don't do that yet."

"Robert, there's no other way!" I argue. "Nowhere will be able to cater for us this last minute."

"Well, there is somewhere." He points to the Bistro and I follow his gesture for a moment, contemplating the idea.

"That wouldn't work."

"Why?"

"Think of how much business you'll lose." I sigh. "We've got three hours, it'd never get set up in time."

"I'll get Daniel to help me, the other waiting staff." He tries to convince me. "We'll manage. We've still got the decorations from Carla's... Last wedding... In the cellar."

"Great." I nod sarcastically.

"You've got the flowers, the dresses." He reminds me. "It's do-able."

"And what about music? Hey? Entertainment?" I remind him. "The venue was supplying all of that."

"Ryan can DJ!" He clicks his fingers and I stop a laugh escaping my lips. "You used to tell me he did it in Ibiza."

"Ryan?" I repeat. "Height of sophistication that. I'm sure Carla will be really pleased walking down the aisle to some teenage hip-hop club anthem."

"We've got a CD player for the ceremony." He continues. "Or a Bluetooth speaker. I'm sure you'll find something you can work with."

"...Why are you doing this?" I try to figure out. "I thought you'd be elated the wedding couldn't go ahead."

"What's the point?" He shrugs. "Like I said, all I want is for you to be happy. Carla makes you happy. You've been through enough pain and heartache, both of you. You deserve a bit of luck."

"...Alright." I agree, giving into him and not questioning his kindness further. "If you think you can do it."

"You just go and finish getting ready." He pats my shoulder and I smile appreciatively. "Relax, enjoy it. I'll sort everything. It's all going to be fine."

 **Carla**

"You know, we're not supposed to do this." I fold my arms as I lean back against Victoria Court, watching Michelle head towards me. I'm about to move in for a kiss, as she holds her hand up to stop me.

"Uh, no. This isn't a romantic bunk up." She informs me and I take her in for a moment.

"You look gorgeous." I admit.

"Yes, well, pretend you haven't seen me." She replies, a hint of worry and sadness in her tone which instantly sets me on edge.

"Chelle?" I narrow my eyes. "...You're calling it off, aren't you?"

"No-"

"I knew this would happen." I stress, putting my head in my hands and trying not to ruin my makeup in the process. "It's ok, I understand-"

"Will you shut your grid for a moment?" She grabs my hands and I try to prevent tears from sliding down my cheeks. "Don't cry, you'll ruin your face."

"Charming." I frown, stubbornly.

"Listen, sweetheart." She links our fingers. "Leslie called, from the venue. There's been flooding and they can't go ahead with the wedding."

"What?" My eyes widen.

"So, I said listen." She stops me again. "So Robert's offered to hold it at the Bistro instead."

"Robert?" I repeat, the word sour tasting on my tongue. "Why would he even want to help us out?"

"Said he wants us to be happy." She shrugs. "So they're all rallying around there to get things sorted... Trust me, I wasn't keen at first either, especially considering all the signs screaming at me to postpone."

"Huh?" I lose her trail of thought, as she looks back up at me. "Signs?"

"Just... Little things today... Johnny, you know, I feel like I should have postponed until he's ready."

"Johnny wouldn't want us to." I assure her, tilting her chin up to face me. "Hey... If you're having doubts?"

"I'm not. Not doubts about us, this." She closes her eyes momentarily. "I just have this feeling that something's going to go wrong."

"Nothing's going to go wrong." I assure her, before sliding the gold necklace out of the pocket of my hoodie, handing it to her. She stares at it for a moment, confused. "Aidan's St. Christopher." I explain. "Johnny gave it me to borrow but I want you to wear it."

"Carla, I can't do that-"

"No, please." I cup my hand over hers. "You made me that beautiful corsage. I want you to have something of his. And it'll bring you luck, you know, show you that everything is going to be fine. I promise."

"...I love you." She whispers, moving in the kiss me and I move my head away playfully. "What?"

"Uh, uh." I wave my finger in her face. "No kissing until we're at that altar, your rules."

"Well that's just mean." She responds sourly and I let out a quiet laugh. "Ok, have it your way."

"It's not exactly my way." I lightly smack her bum as she turns to walk off, looking back at me with an excited smile on her face. "See you in a few hours."

"See you." She waves me off and I watch her go before my eyes drift to where the door of the café is opening, as Roy steps out onto the street, broom in hand. "Roy?" I call and he immediately turns his head in my direction.

"Ah, hello." He manages a weak smile as I approach him, continuing to scrape the loose debris from around the doorstep of his shop. "You are looking very appealing."

"...Thanks." I frown at his choice of words. "You're not."

"Excuse me?" He raises his head, as I eye up his striped apron and scuffed shoes.

"Well... You're not exactly dressed for a wedding." I point out. "Are you?"

"...I was under the impression I wasn't invited to the wedding."

"What?" I almost splutter. "Why?"

"Well... Because I wasn't invited." He responds bluntly and I narrow my eyes, confused.

"Yes you were!"

"I didn't receive an invitation." He makes it a little clearer and I search my mind for any recollection of giving it to him.

"Oh God..." I suddenly stress, clenching my hand into a fist briefly. "Roy, I'm so sorry. You know what? It's in the drawer in Underworld. I meant to give it you and then I had this urgent meeting... I'm so sorry."

"Well it's understandable." He reassures me. "You've been under a lot of pressure... Everything has come about very quickly."

"Yeah." I just swallow. "I uh... Haven't really got my head around it all myself."

"The last thing you need right now is more stress." He gazes down at the pile he had swept around his feet.

"...It's a bit late for this lecture, don't you think?" I try not to sound bitter. "I mean... I'm getting married in two hours."

"Indeed." He nods. "But there hasn't been much opportunity for it beforehand, either."

"I know it's been a rush." I begin. "But, Roy, I'm struggling enough as it is. Johnny can't make it today, I've got to walk myself down the aisle. I can't ask either of my brothers to do it because... Look... I..." I sigh, leaning back against the wall, giving up and noticing his gaze on me. "I know I have no right to ask. Especially as I messed up the invite... And, I haven't had much chance to catch up with you recently because of everything going on, the factory, the wedding, the baby... Aidan."

"It would be an honour, yet again." He inserts, cutting me off and I look up at him, debating whether I'd actually asked the question without realising. "If what you are insinuating is that you would like me to give you away?"

"...I haven't had that many weddings." I mumble childishly, an impact of the way I dropped my barrier when I was around him. "You make it sound like you have to do it annually."

"Well, I should hope I won't have to do it again after today."

"Is it that much of a chore?"

"No, it'd just be pleasing to see you settle down." He doesn't pander to my stubbornness. "I have every faith in you doing so with Michelle."

"...Have you got a suit?"

"Yes." He hesitates. "I can wear one that I wore for your last two weddings."

"Alright." I ignore his dig, flashing him a small smile. "Thank you."

"Shouldn't you be retiring to your preparations." Roy waves his hand at Victoria Court and I bite my lip, trying to hold back an excited smile.

"Yeah." I glance behind me, before leaning forwards to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you, Roy."

"I'm not sure what you're thanking me for." He embraces me awkwardly. He pulls away, studying me for a moment as if debating whether to say something. "I think... Aidan would be very proud of you."

"I hope so." I manage a smile, fanning my face so I don't cry. "You're gonna ruin my makeup now." My phone begins to vibrate in my pocket. "Oh, I've got to get back. Maria's halfway through my hair as you can tell." I kiss his cheek again. "Mwah, love you."

 **Michelle**

"I don't even know how this is supposed to work." I enter the Bistro, setting my eyes upon the scene before me.

"Well I don't think you're supposed to turn up before the guests." Robert points out, fixating on my dress for a moment. "You uh, you look really beautiful."

"Thank you." I smile appreciatively. "So..."

"So, I thought you could come from the kitchen, Carla could come from the back doors and then you meet here to walk down the aisle." He explains, snapping out of his trance. "Or, I don't know what you had planned."

"To be honest Robert, I don't know what I had planned either." I sigh. "I'm new to this whole... Two bride thing."

"Well, you'll hopefully only do it once." He points out, as the door opens and Maria enters.

"Robert, there's people waiting outside. Can I let them in?"

"Uh, yeah." He waves me off towards the kitchen. "Make yourself scarce."

"Alright, it's not hide and seek." I grin, heading behind the bar. "Send my dad in?"

"Course." He gives me a wave and I slip into the kitchen, pacing up and down nervously, as I hear the chatter build from outside. Why was I nervous? I knew Carla loved me. I knew this would go smoothly, despite the rockiness of the day.

"Sweetheart, you look as if you've got a gun held to your head." I hear dad's voice, spinning around to face him. "You're sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah." I nod confidently. "I'm just nervous."

"You look like a princess." He wraps me in a hug and I cling onto him for a moment, jumping as the door opens again.

"Mum?" I stare past him, to where she is stood watching us. "If you're here to 'talk some sense' into me, it's a bit late."

"No, of course not." She faffs, taking a step closer. "I just came to say, before you go out there, that I love you. I know Carla makes you happy, I can see that. I'm sorry for ever seeming like I didn't accept you, this. You're in love and that's a beautiful thing."

"I am." I assure her, tears stinging in my eyes. "Oh great you're both going to make me cry."

"Your brothers will be watching." She squeezes my hand.

"Probably reminiscing over their own romances with your future wife, but-"

"Barry!" Mum scolds but the thought makes me smile. I embrace the hug she offers me, allowing her to sway me for a moment, before letting go and watching her return to the rabble out front. Music becomes prominent in my ears and I try to compose myself as the lyrics start to play out.

 _I've waited a hundred years and I'd wait a million more for you._

"Ready?" Dad asks and I nod, as the door opens and Ryan steps in, giving us a thumbs up.

"Love ya." He winks and I pull a face before he disappears, linking an arm with dad.

 _Nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours could do._

I allow him to guide me through the door, my eyes falling straight to Carla, at the other side of the room. She has Roy by her side, Kate flashing me a smile before she heads down the centre of the room.

 _If I had only felt the warmth within your touch._

She looked like an angel. Loose curls hung around her shoulders, a small plait woven into it, fixed with a floral hair pin. I bite my lip, as she does hers, my eyes drifting to the beaded corset and flowing gown that co-ordinated so perfectly with mine.

 _If I had only seen how you smile when you blush._

I reach out to take her hand as I approach her at the top of the aisle, dad nodding at Roy briefly, as I lean in to whisper in her ear.

"You look breathtaking." I murmur, and the way her eyes deepen, the soft browns that grace her eyelid, the blush that flushed her cheeks ever so slightly at the sound of my words, fitting with the lyrics to the song. It all made me fall in love the tiniest bit more.

 _Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough._

"Yeah well, I've never seen anybody so beautiful in my life." She admits, quietly and I gaze at her for a moment, realising dad and Roy were trying to shift us on down the aisle, extracting me from my daze.

 _I would have known what I've been living for all along_.

"Can I ask you a question?" Carla mumbles and I turn my head subtly to face her, forgetting there were a sea of faces watching us. "...Are these mine and Nick's wedding decorations?"

"...Uh, yeah." I cough slightly. "Let's forget about that."

"Ok." She pauses, fixating at a point on the wall. "Who made that 'S' out of napkins and stuck it next to the first 'R'?"

"I don't know, shush." I nudge her, trying to hold back laughter.

"Will you two stop having a chat?" Kate hisses as we reach the front of the aisle.

 _What I've been living for._

 **Carla**

"And now Carla is going to say a few words." The registrar prompts me, and there is an element of surprise in Michelle's expression, as I take the paper Kate offers me, my hand shaking slightly as I unfold it.

"Yeah uh... I just wanted to say something... For my brother." I swallow, trying to steady my voice as the words swim on the page in front of me. "Although we can't see you we know you are here... Smiling..." I pause, taking a deep breath, my eyes darting momentarily to Michelle's emotional reaction. She reaches for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Smiling down, watching over us..." My throat aches as tears get caught in it, and she carefully takes the sheet from me, taking a step closer and slipping her arm around my waist as she faces the congregation.

"Although we can't see you, we know you are here. Smiling down, watching over us, as we say 'I do'." Her tone is so brave and strong, and I watch her read from the paper, her fingers brushing comfortingly against the waistline of my dress. "Forever in our hearts, forever in our lives. So we say our vows, in loving memory of you. Aidan." She hands the paper back to Kate, who's eyes are glistened over at the words. "Ok?" She whispers to me, quickly grazing her finger along my cheeks to clear the tears that have fallen.

"Yeah." I nod, my voice only loud enough for her to hear. "Thank you."

"Ok." She gives me a comforting smile, taking both my hands in hers as she takes in my face.

"Michelle, you have something to say to Carla?" The registrar asks her and she takes a piece of paper from Maria.

"Oh, yeah." She remembers and I laugh softly, waiting as she unfolds the paper, her eyes gliding up to meet mine. "Um... You know what? I don't actually need this." She scrunches the paper into a ball. "So, a few months ago, after being drenched in cheap beer from the Rovers, on a night I didn't realise would be the most important night of my life... You told me there was a reason you came back here. Somebody you came back here for. I guess, I know... Or I hope I know, who that is now." There's a small laugh from the guests and I tilt my head to the side, unable to keep the smile off my face. "And despite the... Craziness of that night. The tears and the arguments and the kisses... It's so special, because from that moment, until now, you've shown me what love is. The little girl who once scribbled all over my Geography book is now the love of my life, and I couldn't be more grateful. The last few months, you've demonstrated what strength is. I've been in awe of you, every step of the way, all the hospital visits, the bravery, the way you've held your family together... I'm honoured that somebody so amazing, so beautiful, is in love with me. It's been... An emotional start to the year, a rollercoaster... But, we've got many more years to come now, and I'll continue to be there, by your side, no matter what life throws at us." She swallows, her eyes filling with tears herself and I take my turn to brush them from her cheeks affectionately. "Trust me, I never pictured this happening in a million years." She glances around the room. "But I've fallen in love with my best friend and I'll care for you, I'll love you, for as long as I live. I promise."

"Chelle for God's sake." I whisper, fanning my face and she laughs, squeezing my hand again. "Are you trying to make me look awful?"

"I don't think that's possible." She bites her lip gently and I gaze at her lovingly for a moment, before the registrar snaps us back to reality.

"And now the rings." He introduces and Michelle glances at Kate.

"Ryan's got them." She holds her hands up.

"Have I?" Ryan suddenly stars patting his pockets down.

"Oh great, who gave him that job?" Michelle groans, which makes everybody laugh.

"Relax, I've got them." Ali produces two silk bags from his pocket, with our initials on.

"Oh ok." Kate remembers, nodding. "I knew it was one of them."

"Well thank God it was the sensible one." Michelle takes them from him, handing the correct one to me, as I tip it out onto my palm.

"Carla, repeat after me." The registrar returns to the ceremony, and I try to pretend I don't know this part off by heart. "I, Carla Connor, take you, Michelle Sinead Connor, to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"I, Carla Connor, take you, Michelle Sinead Connor, to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part." He continues.

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part."

"I give you this ring." He points to it. "As a daily reminder of my love for you, and a symbol of our marriage."

"I give you this ring." I elegantly slide it onto her finger. "As a daily reminder of my love for you, and a symbol of our marriage."

"Michelle." The registrar hands her the ring. "I, Michelle Sinead Connor, take you, Carla Connor, to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"I, Michelle Sinead Connor, take you, Carla Connor, to be my lawfully wedded wife."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do us part."

"I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you, and a symbol of our marriage."

I give you this ring." She raises her hand to mine, and I notice how much her hand is shaking, as I steady it with my own "As a daily reminder of my love for you, and a symbol of our marriage."

"...Are you sure?" I check and she raises an eyebrow.

"Yes I'm sure." She hisses, a playful smile on her face. "Shut up."

"Carla, do you take Michelle to be yours?" The registrar asks me, as I look into her bright eyes, the beauty and depth of them. The same way I had the night we first kissed. The same way I had the day I first met her on the estate. "Do you promise to care for her, love her and be faithful to her, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." I respond without even having to think about it and she bites her lip again, giggling softly at the word, which makes my heart flutter.

"And do you, Michelle, take Carla to be yours?" He turns to her. "Do you promise to care for her, love her and be faithful to her, for as long as you both shall live?"

"Hmm..." She teases me, tilting her head to the side and I narrow my eyes, trying not to reveal how much the pause was scaring me, but she notices all the same. "Yes, I do." She confirms and I exhale, allowing her to stick her tongue out briefly.

"Stop that." I tap her lightly on the arm, completely forgetting for a moment where we were and what we were doing. I kept getting lost in her, in us. In the kids we used to be.

"By the power of your love and commitment, and the power vested in me, it gives me great pleasure to pronounce you both wife and wife." He bows curtly, as tears suddenly spill down my smiling cheeks. "You may now kiss."

"Finally." Michelle rolls her eyes playfully as I pull her in, wrapping my hands in her hair, feeling her own tears staining mine. I taste the sweetness of the kiss, what I had been craving all day, the distant sound of applause and cheer repeating in the background. "I love you. I love you." She whispers, kissing my nose, moving back down to my lips before letting me go.

"Woo, ok, can I throw this on you now?" Ryan holds up his box of confetti.

"If you're clearing it up." Robert inserts, and Ryan shrugs before tossing the glitter over our heads, allowing other guests to follow suit.

"I love you." I realise I haven't returned, kissing her again as we are drenched in red and white tissue and glitter.

"Ryan, that doesn't fit with the colour scheme!" Michelle suddenly argues and I laugh into her shoulder. I try to pin point a time I have been happier than in this moment. Being so completely in love, sharing that with the people who mattered most. This is what happiness felt like.

But happiness never lasted long.

I suppose it was me, I was cursed.

Perhaps it was Michelle's predictions that something would go wrong.

The smiles on our faces turn to horror.

The blood in my veins runs cold.

"Everybody down on the floor!" Pat Phelan screams at us, a gun firmly secured in his grip, as he points it directly at Michelle, a body lifeless over his other shoulder. "Down on the ground. Now! Get down!" He screams, and I push myself in front of her, wrapping my arms around Michelle's panicking frame protectively. "I said, get down!"

* * *

 _ **A/N: The song referenced as they walk down the aisle is Turning Page by Sleeping At Last. I made a Carchelle edit to the song (as it's so them) a few months back, so check that out on TheCorrieClub on YouTube if you'd like to!**_

 _ **Hope you like the twist at the end, drama to come!**_


	26. Forever

**Chapter 26:**

 _ **A/N: Finally got around to the Phelan's revenge scenes. I've honestly had about a 50/50 split for who people wanted to be shot, but I've mixed it up a bit so I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: violence.**_

 **Michelle**

"Down on the ground! Now!" The words echo in my mind, as everybody begins to sink to the floor. Screams die out, as people obediently follow the villains orders. I feel Carla's arms around me, my eyes fixated on the gun pointed at my chest. Why was it pointed at me? What had I done?

"Michelle, sweetheart, get down." Carla orders, slowly lowering me to the ground, and she follows.

"You." He clicks his fingers at Ali, the gun wavering as he does so. My son looks petrified at the mention of his name. "Get up. Yes, you."

"Why?" Ali says in a forced tone.

"Come here." Phelan orders, as I start to shake uncontrollably, feeling the comfort of Carla's arm still around me.

"Don't!" I stupidly shout, as the gun jolts back to me. "Ali, don't. He's dangerous."

"Michelle." Carla orders, under her breath.

"What do you want?" Ali dares to ask, turning back to him. "I don't know who you are."

"Haha, really?" Phelan grins cockily. "You haven't heard my name around here? Seen my face in the papers?"

"Well... Yes." He responds and I swallow fear as he takes a step closer. "But I've never even spoken to you."

"Ali! I said don't!" I scream, as Carla snaps her head around to look at me.

"You shut up!" Phelan yells at me, the gun quivering again. "Sorry to ruin your big day, but you follow my orders now." He stares me down for a moment, before shifting his gaze back to my son. "Right. Help her." He allows the body to roll from his shoulder, resting Nicola on the floor, blood seeping from her chest. "Do something. Now."

"You need to call an ambulance." Ali pulls his phone out.

"No!" Phelan shouts, his gun moving to the screen of his phone. "All phones down, now." He calls out across the room, and there's a scramble as a few people produce theirs, lowering them to the floor. "I said put your phone down!"

"I haven't got it!" Carla holds her hands up as he points the gun at her. "Usually you don't need to send a quick text while you're getting married."

"Don't get smart with me." He orders and I glue myself to the floor, squeezing her hand tighter. I swallow hard, watching Ali give in and kneel on the floor, pulling his jacket off and scrunching it up to apply pressure to her shoulder. "Roy collect the phones."

"I don't think-"

"Roy, go round and collect everybody's phones from them." Phelan shouts, and Roy follows obediently. "Now stand up, all of you."

"It's ok." I hear Carla whisper, helping me up.

"Her pulse is really weak." Ali intervenes. "She needs medical attention otherwise she's going to die."

"Help her!" Phelan screams at him, the gun jolting back to me. "Or I'll shoot her first!"

A streak of panic sears through me, my eyes connecting with Phelan's as he clicks the trigger once. I let out a terrified scream, Carla's arms locking around my waist, holding me back.

"Ok, ok." Carla whispers, running her fingers through my hair.

"Let go of her." Phelan wavers the gun to signal Carla out of the way, and she shakes her head abruptly. "Sweet..."

"If you want her to live, she needs an ambulance now." Rana pipes up, from where she was now knelt next to Nicola. "She's your daughter."

"Right..." He swallows, panic actually showing in his eyes, as he taps the gun against his head in frustration. "Ok. I need a hostage." The gun is shifted back to me, and tears erupt in my eyes. "You."

"No." Carla steps in front of me.

"I'll go." Barry calls from the side of the room, stepping forward. "I'll do it-"

"I don't want you!" Phelan shouts, his eyes fixated on me. "I want her."

"I'll go. I'll go." Carla walks forward and I grab her hand, pulling her back. "Michelle get off me."

"Carla, no!" I scream, as she steps in front of me.

"I'll kill you." Phelan clicks the trigger again, and she doesn't even flinch. "Right now."

"Do it." Carla responds bravely. "But you're not having her."

"Carla please... Please." I sob, as she turns around to cup my face in my hands.

"Listen to me, listen." She whispers, as I finally see the fear in her eyes. "I love you. I just made a vow to protect you."

"So did I." I sob into her hands. "I'm going-"

"No, you're not." She tells me, kissing me quickly before turning and taking a shaky step towards him. He grabs her by the neck, tears soaking my cheeks as Kate grabs me, holding me close to her.

"Don't hurt her, please don't hurt her!" I yell as he pulls her off. "Nothing will happen to you. I love you." I collapse in a ball on the floor, my cries breaking the silence of the room along with Nicola's gasps for breath.

"Somebody call an ambulance!" Ali shouts across the room. "Now!"

 **Carla**

"That was very brave of you. I must say." Phelan mutters, his breath sour as it tickles my ear, his arm still wrapped around my neck.

"Well... I love her." I try to steady my rapid heart rate. Waves of nostalgia were flooding back to me, the coolness of the gun against my skin, the heat of death being so dangerously close. "I'd die for her."

"I loved somebody once." He begins to reminisce. "She tried to kill me. She thought she had."

"I don't blame her." I stupidly say, and he shifts his grip against my throat, causing me to gag. "...So what's the plan then?" I splutter. "You're not going to escape. Are you just going to hold me here until they come to take you away?"

"You know I could pull this trigger any second." He warns, and I squeeze my eyes shut. "I hardly even know you, what's another life along with the others? A pointless existence, to me anyway."

"I've heard it all before." I dare to whisper and he pauses. "But he's dead now... He died that very day."

"Tony Gordon." The word rings in my ears so harshly I question if he's even said the name.

"...What do you know about him?"

"Old pal of mine." He almost laughs contently at the thought. "Nice guy."

"He killed Michelle's brother." I tell him and he nods, clearly in knowledge. "He's evil."

"Well, so am I." He just returns and I swallow, my throat dry and scratchy from the lack of moisture and the pressure held against it.

"...We're about to adopt a baby girl." I for some reason decide to bring up, either in the hope of getting a sympathy vote, or just to distract myself from the distress I was trying to play down.

"You think you are." He just scoffs, pressing the gun more tightly against my head.

The sound of a singular footstep is all my ears can absorb, before a loud shriek is released from Phelan's mouth.

Without a second thought, I use the weakened grip and moment of madness to pull away, grasping at the gun desperately. I feel myself pull free, my legs shaking, head aching, throat swelling, body sinking. Briefly, I catch a glimpse of Anna Windass, a white dress, a gun shot straight at my head.

And then I'm on the floor, lying against the wall, the kitchen tiles bitterly cold against my flesh. There's no pain. No blood.

At least not from my own body.

I scramble upwards, the force of a handprint still stinging on my side. I'd been pushed. Pushed out of the way.

I let out an ear piercing scream when I see her. Blood flowing from her stomach. Eyes dimmed and dull.

"Oh God, no. No." I cry, falling over my own dress as I crawl towards Michelle.

He was going to pull the trigger right between my eyes. And she had saved my life.

By offering hers.

"Michelle?" In the moment I forget about the serial killer slumping down the opposite wall, or the supposed convict who had turned up uninvited. With all the strength I have, I rip a large portion of the skirt off my dress, scrunching it up to apply pressure to where blood is gushing from her. "Ali?" I yell, reaching for Michelle's hand. I tilt her head gently to face mine, the pain in her eyes hitting me as she gasps for breath. "You're ok. You're alright, baby. Ok? I'm here."

"I... Just..." Her breaths are raspy and I can't prevent tears from streaming down my cheeks. "Said... I wouldn't... Let you get hurt..." She swallows in pain. "Again."

"Michelle? Oh God." Ali darts into the room, kneeling down by her head and cupping her face in his hands. "It's me, Ali. Ok? Now listen, I need you to stay calm, alright?"

The interlude allows me to pull away slightly, turning my head at the scene behind me. Anna was staring at us in shock, Phelan slumped against the base of the counter, watching us, a knife welded into his neck. I wanted to grab it, and finish the job. I wanted to hurt him for hurting her. But I knew he'd suffer more, waiting, watching, slowly slipping away. With nobody to save him.

"It all happened so fast..." Anna's words become hazy, and I can't even offer anything in response, my head rotating back to Michelle.

"You're doing so well sweetheart." I keep my hand glued to the material I had held against her, moving my spare one through the decorative plait in her hair. "The ambulance is on its way, alright? Can you hear it?"

"...It hurts." She says weakly and it breaks my heart, squeezing my eyes shut momentarily. "Sorry."

"You're never allowed to say that to me again." I graze my finger across her cheek, and to my surprise she manages the smallest smile.

"Johnny... Said..." She closes her eyes, trying to focus thought, her words getting further apart.

"Michelle, don't try to talk." Ali tells her gently, taking over from me and pressurising a ball of cloth against her stomach. "Try to rest."

"Said... He loves you." She manages to release. "Told me... To take care... Of you."

"Not like this." I let out a pained murmur, taking her hand back in mine.

"You're going to prison." I hear Phelan direct to Anna, his eyes shifting to Michelle. "She's a murderer. You're my witness."

"I saw... Self defence." Michelle's voice is hoarse as she manages to release the words and I nod in agreement, despite hardly witnessing any of the blur.

"You'll go down for it too, you know?"

"I would." She replies bravely. "I will... For Luke... Andy."

"Chelle, calm." I try to reassure her, and her eyes move back to me, comfort in them as she sees my expression.

"Oh God, oh no." Barry suddenly yells as the door flies open, kneeling by Michelle's side. "We heard a gunshot, we didn't think... No, no."

"Michelle stay with us." Helen begs her, crouching next to Ali. "We've lost two of our children, we're not losing a third."

"They're here." Ali looks up as the door swings open again, paramedics flooding into the room. I don't let go of her hand, vowing never to leave her again, letting everybody else move away under orders.

"I'm not moving." I tell one of them, as they eye my dress up and down, clocking who I was to Michelle and proceeding with their examinations. "Is she going to be ok?"

"Alright, let's get her some oxygen." One calls behind, as another tends to the wound. "Congratulations." She looks across at me, and it takes me a second to register what she means. Anger flickers through me, suddenly livid that she could even propose the word given the current scenario. But then I realise, she wouldn't be saying it if the situation was so worrying.

"...Just about." I respond bluntly, finally stepping away as they load her onto the stretcher.

"Ali?" Michelle suddenly pipes up and his attention is diverted. "I love you."

"I love you too." He manages a small smile, scuffing his feet, as I kneel down next to the stretcher, handing Michelle the oxygen mask she is trying to grasp.

"Here." I brush her hair back gently as I help her, our eyes connecting again. "What Phelan said, about what we saw?"

"He's ruined enough lives." She mumbles through the mask.

"You should get what you want." I manage a small smile and the softest laugh escapes her lips. "It's your wedding day after all."

"And yours." She reaches for my hand and I squeeze it gently. "Maybe we should have postponed."

"Do you think?" I laugh and she closes her eyes, actually looking slightly content at my company. "I should have listened to you."

"Well... I wasn't..." She collects her words, struggling for breath again. "Wasn't... Planning on this... Happening."

"Ok." I smooth her hair down. "Don't panic yourself, alright? Everything's going to be ok."

"Don't leave me."

"Never." I whisper, leaning down to place a longing kiss on her forehead. "I promise you, never."

* * *

"Carla?" I look up at the sound of Kate's voice, who had now changed into a sweatshirt and leggings. Rana was just behind her as they make their way into the waiting room, where I was still sat with a cold coffee wedged between my hands. "You look knackered."

"I'm fine." I just shift in my seat, realising how dead my legs had gone from being glued to the seat for hours on end.

"You haven't slept all night?" She assumes, checking the clock on the wall and I briefly glance at it, to realise it's half past seven in the morning.

"How can I?" I shrug, as Kate scans my tangled hair, the wedding dress that still clung to me, blood stains decorating it.

"I'm surprised they've let you stay... Looking like that." She dares to input and I tilt my chin to give her a withering look. "I just mean because... You look like you've been to a Halloween party."

"Well I've had several arguments with the staff." I decide to cut her off, before my self-confidence sinks any lower, if that was possible. "They gave up."

"...Right." Kate exchanges a glance with Rana, coughing slightly as she prepares to say something else I won't want to hear. "Well I can stay if you want to go and get-"

"Kate I'm staying." I try to refrain from snapping and she just nods, sitting down next to me and removing the coffee from my grip, passing it to Rana to throw away. She replaces it with her hand, slipping it between mine and interlinking our fingers.

"Nicola's recovering well."

"Good for her." I just mutter, before sighing at my lack of empathy. "Sorry, it's just... Well, I hate to sound selfish but I only care about Michelle right now, so."

"Is she out of surgery?"

"Yeah the nurse came and told me about two hours ago, maybe three..." I trail off, trying to remember. "I don't know, everything's a blur really. Didn't say much, just that it went to plan and she's in recovery. She's going to let me know when I can see her."

"Well, that sounds positive." Kate squeezes my hand gently and I just nod.

"You should eat something." Rana offers me a sandwich, and I look up to meet her gaze. "I know it's the last thing you want to do, but it'll get your blood levels up-"

"What do you know about it?" I cut her off. "Know many people that have been shot, do you?"

"No..." She pauses. "But I've dealt with people who have been, and their families."

"Then you'll know their top priorities aren't sandwiches from the vending machine." I just mutter in response and she lowers it, giving up. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"Carla?" I hear Johnny's voice, as he paces towards me with a nurse by his side. "Oh sweetheart." He kneels down opposite me, brushing my hair back and kissing my forehead.

"Michelle Connor's family?" The woman greets us and I stand up so abruptly that the room spins, blood rushing around my previously dormant body. "Michelle's conscious, she's just come round. The shot ruptured a part of her muscle tissue, hence why the operation took a little longer than expected. We've also given her a blood transfusion and she's on strong painkillers. But she's lucky, it could have been fatal."

"So she's going to be alright?" I check, my eyes filling with tears. "Can I see her? Please."

"Uh..." She glances me up and down, taking in my choice of outfit. "She's still a bit hazy and could be sensitive to any memories that... Things could bring back." The nurse indicates to the blood stains. "Do you have a change of clothing at all?"

"I've brought you some, they're in there." Johnny offers me a hold-all and I take it appreciatively. "I've packed some stuff for Michelle too. Granted, I'm not the best fashion icon, I just threw in what I could find."

"Thank you." I kiss his cheek before heading into the toilets, forcing one foot in front of the other.

 **Michelle**

"Michelle?" A nurse sticks her head around the door and I open my eyes, the room blurry for a moment. "Your wife's here?"

"Yeah?" I feel my body warm slightly at the word, as the door opens more and my eyes fall to where Carla is approaching my bedside.

"Oh God." She wraps her arms around my shoulders carefully, breathing in the scent of my hair. She moves down to place a kiss against my forehead, linking our fingers before sitting down in the spare seat. "I've been so scared." She swallows back tears, meeting my gaze. "...You saved my life. You took a bullet for me."

"You saved mine." I reply weakly, my throat like sandpaper, scratching at every word. "You stepped forward for me. You let him take you, when he wanted me."

"You shouldn't have come in that kitchen." She closes her eyes, hating to relive the thought. "Why did you do that Michelle?"

"Why do you think?" My eyes are glued to hers. "I love you, you idiot. He would have killed you. He shot the bullet straight at your head... You..." My eyes glaze over as a wave of emotion hits me. "You wouldn't be..."

"Ok. Ok." Carla whispers, leaning down to kiss my hand. I feel the wet of her tears soak my skin, my own streaming down my cheeks as I watch her. "How do you feel?"

"Weak." I just respond, as she lifts her head again, combing her fingers through the matted plait that still rested in my hair. "Achy... It's achy. But I'm alright, while I've got... This." I glance up at the drip above me, my heart heavy and overwhelmed, my throat aching along with my stomach. "I need water."

"...I don't know if you can." Carla looks apologetic as she glances at the sign behind me and for some reason I burst into tears. Everything was so confusing and hazy. I felt numb, I felt broken. "Chelle..." Carla's voice cracks, her face softening at my outburst and she stands up, heading out into the corridor. I try to brush the tears off my cheeks, feeling stupid for how I was acting. I'd chosen to take the bullet. I didn't deserve to show emotion, especially when I knew it would make Carla feel worse. "Here." She returns with a cup, lowering herself on to the edge of my bed and raising it to my lips. She places a finger under my chin, allowing me to drink, the cool liquid soothing my throat as it trickles through the fire that had been building.

"Mm." I just mumble and she pulls away. "...Am I allowed to drink it?"

"Yeah I just asked sweetheart." She carefully pulls the plait out of my hair, removing the mess of hairpins, the weave of her fingers calming me. "You have beautiful hair."

"Not right now I don't." I screw my nose up slightly, keeping my eyes closed, before I feel her finger under my chin again, lifting my head carefully to meet her lips. It was such a soft, caring kiss, it settles me. "I have so many questions..." I try to decipher between each of them, once she has moved her lips from mine. She returns to playing with my hair, after discarding the water on the side table, pulling a hair brush out of the hold-all she had brought in with her. "It's probably really knotty." I warn her, as I feel her stroke it against my scalp.

"So's mine." She replies and I nod in agreement, which makes her laugh slightly. "Charmin'."

"How's Nicola?"

"I'm recovery, apparently." She tells me. "That's what Kate said, I think she'll be alright."

"Is he dead?" I follow it up with and she hesitates the brush in my hair, before proceeding.

"Yeah he's dead." She whispers and I breathe a sigh of relief. "He can't hurt you again."

"Are the police going to question me?"

"Chelle, sweetie. Don't worry about things like this for the moment." She leans down to kiss the top of my head. "Just focus on yourself."

"But are they?" My eyes are wide as I look up at her.

"I think they're coming in later on, just to ask a few questions." She gives in, putting the brush down. "You're not in any trouble, ok? It's just a formality."

"Is Anna in trouble?"

"I don't know darlin'." Carla sighs and I swallow, my eyes darting around the room. I'd been in one of these rooms on many occasions over the past year, for both Robert and Carla, but never myself.

"Can I ask you another question?" I proceed and she tilts her head, nodding slowly. "Can we still go on holiday?" I smile slightly as the words are released and she laughs, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Oh." She kisses my nose affectionately. "We'll have to see how you are. But yes, if they say you can. I love you so much. I thought... I don't know... I wouldn't have coped if you hadn't have been alright. Thank God." She whispers into my hair. "Thank God."

 **Carla**

"Do you want to know your horoscope?" I flick through a magazine, as Michelle scrolls through her phone with one hand.

"...Well did it predict I'd get shot by a serial killer, last month?" She raises an eyebrow and I sigh, closing it and leaning forwards. "Horoscopes are a load of rubbish."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I link our fingers and her eyes move down to our rings, making her smile slightly.

"Mm." She just hums, ignoring my question as she plays with them. "We're married."

"Yes we are." I nod, watching her contently as her fingers guide over mine. "How does that feel?"

"Crazy." She looks back up at me. "And like everything I ever wanted."

"No regrets then?"

"Not about the marriage part, no." She manages a small smile and we gaze at each other for a moment. "...You know when you went into the kitchen with him?"

"Yeah?" I feel my body temperature drop at the thought, reversing the bliss I was momentarily caught up in.

"What did he do? Did he say anything?" She watches my eyes drift down to our hands, before adding; "you don't have to talk about it."

"It's all such a blur." I admit. "I remember him talking about how irrelevant I was to him, just another life. He could shoot me at any second and it made no difference to him... I remember, telling him that it wasn't the first time I'd been in that situation. He knew Tony, apparently."

"Tony Gordon?"

"Yeah." I murmur, the word ringing alarm bells as Phelan's sinister tone creeps back across me. "Old mates or something. Very fitting."

"...I'm sorry." Michelle breathes and I look back up at her.

"I told you, we're banning that word." I brush a finger along her cheek, plastering a smile back onto my face. "Wife."

"Wife." She repeats, biting her lip gently as I lean in to kiss her.

"Sorry... I'm interrupting." I hear an awkward tone, pulling away and turning my head to notice Johnny, stood in the doorway. "...I can come back."

"No, no." I indicate for him to enter. "It's just that after wedding honeymoon phase. Tell us if we're making you feel sick."

"No." He smiles contently, taking up a seat on the other side of Michelle. "Congratulations, both of you. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You didn't miss much." Michelle responds. "Be grateful you weren't."

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" He scans Michelle's face and the hair I had re-plaited.

"I've been better but alright considering." She shrugs bravely. "How are you feeling after yesterday?"

"Better now I know you're alright." He places a hand against her cheek and I lose the conversation, confused as to what they were talking about. "You saved my daughter's life... And you saved mine. That's quite a hard days work."

"...What do you mean, she saved yours?" I narrow my eyes and they both turn to look at me, retracting from the moment. "What happened?"

"I uh... I was having a bad day. A very bad day." Johnny tries to explain. "Michelle talked some sense into me, gave me some numbers I could call."

"When was this?" I panic, my heart rate increasing at the thought of losing yet another person I loved.

"Just before the wedding." Michelle's squeezes my hand. "I really didn't do anything, just... Well, I just picked up on... Things I should have picked up on before."

"Oh." Is all I say, as I swallow, my eyes meeting Johnny's. "...You wouldn't have?"

"No." He shakes his head firmly. "I mean... I won't... Not now. Now I've seen how precious family is. How we all need to stick together, yeah?"

"Yeah." Michelle agrees with him, removing her hand from mine to trace her fingers up my arm. "The next week is going to be hard, but we'll pull through it. Together."

 **Michelle**

"When did you last sleep?" I eye up where Carla's head is tilted against the chair, checking the clock on the wall. Eight PM. "Or eat? Have you taken your medication today?" She raises her head slightly to look at me and I wait for her response. "Carla?"

"Well I haven't been home, have I?" She sighs and I try to pull myself up, wincing. "No, don't do that." She is up instantly, placing a hand on my arm. "Careful."

" _You_ need to be careful." I continue, trying to climb out of bed. "You need to look after yourself."

"Michelle? Chelle?" Carla persists, until I level my eyes with hers, giving in. "You need to rest. Please." She begs me and I sigh, slipping back down into bed. "What were you even planning on doing? Drive home to grab my meds?"

"No, but I'd find someone to go and get them." I tell her. "And I'd get you something from the café."

"I'm supposed to be looking after you."

"...Go home." I know it's pointless even suggesting it, supported by the firm shake of her head that she offers in response. "You need rest, food, a shower."

"The next time I go home is when you come back with me."

"Car, that could be days." I remind her tiredly. "Besides, they'll start cutting your visiting hours soon, since I'm not a 'high risk' patient anymore."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." She scoffs slightly. "I'm not leaving you on your own."

"Well then I'll ask Maria to come and sit with me." I shrug, waving my phone in the air. "I'll be fine, anyway. I've got all these sympathy messages to respond to."

"What have you been responding to for the last few hours then?"

"I wasn't responding to anything." I flick back through my internet history so she could see. "I was reading all the news articles. In this one it says I'm forty three. I'm forty two, at least get that part right."

"It's not so bad being forty three, thanks." She nudges me gently and I let out a small laugh. "I'm flamin' starving. How long until I can eat?"

"Want me to ask?" Carla stands up, preparing to find a nurse, before her phone goes off.

"Hello?" She picks it up, a distasteful expression on her face. "Uh, no I won't be opening the factory tomorrow... Why? Because my wife is on hospital... I don't care whether you open it or not Alya." She rolls her eyes. "The factory isn't my top priority now. Michelle's just been shot, my brother's funeral is next week... Yes I know we've got the Dolson's order but... Oh, do what you like." She hangs up the phone frustratedly.

"Why do you dislike her so much?" I dare to ask, breaking the short silence that has stemmed from the end of the phone call.

"I don't know, she just. Ugh, she gets on my nerves, always has done." She pulls a face at the thought. "Anyway, she can make the decisions for once. The factory is the last of my worries."

"That's a rare thing for you to say."

"Yes, well, you come first any day." She leans down to kiss the top of my head. "I'll go and get the nurse for you."

 **Carla**

"Home at last." I close the door behind her, placing a hand on her back as she shifts her crutch by her side, collapsing on the sofa. "Are you in any pain at all?"

"I'm alright." She smiles at me appreciatively, laying her head back on the cushions. "I'd kill for a brew though."

"Oh I see how it is." I flick the kettle on, going over to her and kneeling down. "I'm going to be waiting on you hand a foot now, am I?"

"Well if you're offering." She traces my face with her finger, leaning forwards to kiss me and wincing as she does so. "Mm... No."

"Ok?" I place a hand on her knee, checking she is alright as she nods.

"Yeah, I just can't lean forwards."

"How about this then?" I move in to kiss her, so she barely has to move, and she smiles into it. "Better?"

"Yeah." She just whispers, pulling on the collar of my hoodie again, so I move down to place another one against her lips. "Mm."

"I want to know where our cake is." She scans the flat and I let out another satisfied hum in amusement. "Seriously, do you reckon Ryan took it?"

"I don't know where anything from the wedding is." I just gaze at her and eventually she moves her eyes to mine, clearly contemplating something.

"What?"

"We never got to have our first dance." She reveals, quietly and the idea strikes me for the first time. "...It was all ruined. I wanted it to be perfect."

"We can do it again?" I suggest and she looks disheartened by the idea. "Look, I married you. That, for me, is perfect." I assure her and she raises her eyebrow. I hesitate, an idea washing over me and I squeeze her hand before standing up, linking my phone to the speaker and pressing shuffle on my playlist. "So, dance with me now?"

"What?" She frowns, her eyes falling to the hand I am holding out.

"Pretend none of this ever happened, just for a moment and dance with me?" I ask and she bites her lip gently, listening to the music that is playing out. "If you're feeling well enough, I mean."

"With or Without You?" She laughs slightly. "Really?"

"An exes song?" I prepare to change it and she shakes her head.

"No." She links her fingers with mine, allowing me to pull her up. "Just a nice touch."

"Well it was random." I reply. "In fact you're lucky it wasn't one of Simon's teenage heavy beat rap songs that I've still got stored on here." Gradually I realise how she is looking at me, wrapping my arms around her waist as she swallows, all the meaning of the last few months being conveyed in her eyes.

 _See the stone set in your eyes._

 _See the thorn twist in your side._

 _I wait for you._

"Have I ever told you, you're beautiful?" I whisper, tilting my head against hers, the warmth of her skin colliding with mine.

 _Slight of hand and twist of fate._

 _On a bed of nails she makes me wait._

 _And I wait without you._

"Have I ever told you, I love you?" She returns and I nod, a smile creeping across my face as I kiss her forehead. "More than anyone I've ever been with."

 _With or without you._

 _With or without you._

"Likewise." I whisper, as she tucks her head under my chin, her hands crawling up my back as she holds me, allowing me to sway her in time with the music.

 _Through the storm we reach the shore._

 _You give it all but I want more._

 _And I'm waiting for you._

I breathe in the familiar scent of her hair, holding her close to me. Protecting her. Loving her. Moving with her through an embrace of passion and care and melancholy.

 _With or without you._

 _With or without you._

 _I can't live with or without you._

The soft ripple of her finger tips on my back calms and reassures me. My lips plant a kiss into her hair, prolonging it as I stand entwined with her, closing my eyes to savour the moment.

 _And you give yourself away._

 _And you give yourself away._

 _And you give, and you give and you give yourself away._

"I'm so grateful." I hear her whisper into my chest. "I'm so lucky. To be here, to have you here. We're both still here. And I don't just mean after the other day. I mean, after everything. After everything, everyone we've lost. All this time that's passed, you've kept me going. I didn't think we'd come this far. I didn't think we'd ever be doing this. But I'm so grateful."

 _My hands are tied._

 _My body bruised._

 _She's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose._

"I know." Is all I whisper in response, feeling her nestle into my neck, breathe in the linger of my perfume.

 _And you give yourself away._

 _And you give yourself away._

 _And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away._

I feel her place a kiss against my jaw line. Her eyes shifting to gaze at me again, smoothing a lock of my hair behind my ear. We watch each other, caught up in the moment, taking in the elements we'd seen a million times, but appreciating them even more.

 _With or without you._

 _With or without you._

 _I can't live with or without you._

It feels like a fairytale, a storybook, as our lips meet as the song builds suddenly. Tears are streaming down our cheeks, her mouth inviting to mine as I kiss her softly, placing a hand on the back of her head. Her tongue massages mine affectionately, our noses nudging, our foreheads finding one another. We continue to dance. Kiss. Hold each other. Be together. Appreciate everything. The moment. The time that we were beginning to realise was of so much value. So much more than we ever imagined. We listen to the music. We love together. Until she's too tired to dance anymore, and I guide her towards the bedroom, laying her in my chest. I watch her eyes flutter closed, the soft rise and fall of her chest. My arms fastening around her protectively.

I was in love with Michelle Connor.

A love I'd never imagined existed.

But it did and it was so special.

She was so special.

Forever.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I hope this doesn't seem rushed. I wanted to get it up before tonight's episode, so I'll have to include the police questioning in the next chapter. Thanks all for reading!**_


	27. Trauma

**Chapter 27:**

 _ **A/N: So, as you'll see some of Michelle's symptoms arise in this, I've been toying with perhaps covering a PTSD storyline, following the trauma of the shooting. Originally, I was planning on doing it with Carla, after Aidan's death, but thought it worked well with Michelle all things considered. I don't know whether to tackle it though, as there is a lot going on and it's an important topic to do justice. Let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: sexual content.**_

 _ **Trigger warning: brief references to violence.**_

 **Carla**

"Morning." I lean back against the kitchen counter, speaking softly as Michelle emerges from the bedroom. "It's nine thirty, lazy."

"Sorry." The shy smile on her cheeks sends butterflies fluttering inside me, as she dips her head, letting her hair fall over her face. I bite my lip, watching her take a few steps towards me, before raising her chin again to meet my gaze. "I need painkillers."

"Oh, here. I stocked up." I open the cupboard, lifting the basket out and placing them down in front of her. "You're not feeling great?"

"Just tummy ache, a bit weak." She smoothes her hair back, opening a box of paracetamol and looking at the dosage instructions.

"Have you taken the painkillers the hospital gave you?"

"Yeah but it's not strong enough." She sighs. "You've taken your medication?"

"Yes, missy." I run the tap, pouring her a glass of water so she can wash her tablets down. "Kate's restocked our fridge bless her. You hungry?"

"Not really." She glances down at the newspaper on the counter. "Did she leave this too?"

"Uh..." I hesitate, my eyes gliding over the headline of the gazette. "You don't have to read that."

"Honestly the police haven't even spoken to me yet." She places the water down, replacing it with the paper as she reads the headline. "Where did they get this picture of me? Victim... I hate that word."

"Hm?" I glide around her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and resting my head on her shoulder to read the article. "Wanted killer slain in Weatherfield restaurant terror." I read. "Victim Michelle Connor was shot down on her wedding day, sources suggest it wasn't the dream ceremony she imagined... Well, I don't think you need a source to presume that."

"Is that an attempt at a joke?" She points sharply at the paper, sighing as she throws it down on the counter. "Ugh." She turns around, burying her head in my chest. "You know what? I just want to shut the world out."

"It's a good job it's a weekend then." I kiss the top of her head. "Duvet, popcorn and those sickly films that make you cringe but in a good way."

"And you." She raises her head to look at me and I kiss her.

"And me." I agree, as the buzzer rings out and she groans. "I'll get rid."

"Unless it's family, I don't want to know." She gradually lowers herself onto the sofa. "And if it's my dad again, tell him to do one. I've had enough of him eating all my sympathy chocolates in the hospital."

"Hello?"

"Weatherfield police?" A cold tone rings out, one which was unforgettably familiar down the line of my intercom. "We're here to ask Michelle Connor a few questions about the incident occurring at Viaduct Bistro?"

"...Yeah?" I glance behind me, at where Michelle's gaze was worriedly searching mine. "It's the police."

"Oh no." She squeezes her eyes shut at the thought, composing herself, as I reluctantly buzz them up.

"Sorry sweetheart." I let the door off the latch, opening it slightly and going over to lean behind where she was sat on the sofa, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"It's hardly your fault." She sighs, playing with the ties on her tracksuit bottoms.

"Michelle Connor?" A police woman greets us, and I move from where my fingers are playing with her hair, eyeing them up warily.

"That's me." Michelle raises her hand even though they were probably already aware, given the flood of newspaper articles.

"And you are... Carla?" She assumes and I just nod, as she reaches out to shake my head. "DCI Wilson, this is DS Bailey, nice to meet you both."

"Oh the pleasure is all ours." I hear Michelle mutter, plastering a smile on my face.

"Uh, can I get you anything to drink?" I offer and DCI Wilson just shakes her head, making her way over to the opposing sofa to Michelle.

"We'll just get started if that's ok?" She asks, and I can see the flash of fear in Michelle's eyes, wasting no time before lowering myself onto the sofa next to her. "It's just a few questions about the event. If at any point you don't want to proceed, let us know, I know it might bring back memories." She scans our faces, as Michelle reaches for my hand. "Uh... What's your connection with the attacker? Pat Phelan?"

"...We don't have one." Michelle narrows her eyes. "He came into the Bistro demanding medical attention and a hostage... I don't know why he wanted me, I suppose I was his best bet at blackmailing Ali, my son. Uh, he's a GP and he was convinced he'd be able to save Nicola's life."

"But he didn't take you hostage?" DCI Wilson clarifies.

"No. I mean, he wanted to." Michelle swallows, glancing at me momentarily. "Carla put herself forward for me. Told him to take her instead."

"And what happened when he'd taken Carla into the kitchen?" She looks at me, before shifting her eyes back to Michelle.

"Um... A lot of panic... Sirens... I don't know, uh, I was crying." Michelle tries to think over it. "I saw Anna Windass appear from the toilets... Head into the kitchen. I couldn't bear the thought of Carla being caught up in it, so I followed her. I just... Remember walking in and seeing... Um..."

"Do you want a glass of water or anything?" DCI Wilson offers, as if it wasn't her own house and Michelle just shakes her head, as I wrap my arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

"...Everything happened so quickly. I could see Phelan, from behind, he had Carla in his grip." She tries to explain. "And then the knife went into his neck and blood went everywhere... There was this ear piercing... Noise... I don't know how to describe it."

"Sort of a pained moan..." I swallow, the sound replaying over in my head, the moment I took the chance to break free.

"Then the next thing I knew, he was pointing a gun straight at Carla... And I just... Jumped in front of it." She tries to force back tears and I move my hand to her back, rubbing it in circular motions to calm her. "...He'd have killed her, if I hadn't pushed her."

"Carla, do you have any history with Pat Phelan?" DCI Wilson turns to me and I shake my head. "Anything which might have made him want to act the way he did? Or any associations with Anna Windass?"

"No, I mean... The only times I've really conversed with Anna is when she's been working in the café with Roy." I shrug, noticing her expression. "He's like... My second dad, basically."

"So you both witnessed Anna Windass' actions?" She assumes.

"I uh... I didn't really catch it." I admit. "Until I heard him... I didn't even notice the knife until I was on the floor. I just felt him weaken and took the chance to break away."

"And you, Michelle?"

"It was self-defence." Michelle replies confidently. "He had Carla by the throat. He'd shot his own daughter, threatened us all with a gun. It was the only way he could have been stopped. If she hadn't have done what she did, there'd be more victims in this. Pat Phelan was a murderer. He needed to be stopped."

"So the attack was provoked?"

"Well... If you walked into a room and saw a serial killer who... Raped you, holding a gun to another woman's head... You wouldn't do the same?" Michelle defends herself. "It was hardly a planned motive, she panicked, saw the knives on the side and defended herself and all the people in that restaurant who's lives were in jeopardy!"

"We're not disputing your turn of events, Michelle." DCI Wilson assures her. "Just gathering the facts."

"Right well that's the facts, or at least what I witnessed." Michelle tries to compose herself again. "But I mean, the next thing I know I was on the floor, in agonising pain so... He deserves what he got. I know that's not what I'm supposed to say, but I'm glad-"

"Michelle." I cut her off, noticing the concerned expressions of the officers and she swallows as tears start to trickle down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry... I..." She begins before standing up and hurrying off into the bedroom. I watch her go, worry prickling over the bare skin of my arms in the formation of goosebumps, as my head turns back to where the police women were watching the scene.

"The hospital said she could be sensitive to certain images and memories." I back her up. "She's still recovering. Sorry."

"It's understandable." DCI Wilson stands up, shaking my hand and flashing me a supportive smile. "You've both done nothing wrong here. We're just trying to get a clearer image of what happened."

"Yeah, I get that." I accept her gesture, waiting for them to follow it up with something else.

"Thank you for your time. We'll leave it there for now." They head towards the door and I hold it open for them. "I hope Michelle has a quick recovery."

"Thank you." I return, watching them leave before closing the door firmly. I slide the latch back across, my eyes darting around the silent flat, raising my voice; "Michelle, they've gone." There's no response, so I make my way towards the bedroom, pushing the door open hesitantly and fixating my eyes on where she is lay on the bed, one of Ruairi's baby-grows clutched in her hands, held tightly to her chest. I decide not to say anything, just sit down on the edge of the bed, weaving my fingers through her hair. "You did really well then."

"I didn't." She just responds bluntly, but her voice was so hoarse, as if she used no energy to release the words.

"Why don't I run you a bath?" I suggest. "I'll bring some breakfast through to you."

"I can't get my bandage wet."

"We could go for a walk?"

"No." Her eyes suddenly look panicked. "I don't want to go outside."

"Ok, ok." I reassure her gently. "We don't have to."

"...I want to stay here." She murmurs. "Where it's safe."

"It's safe outside, he's gone-"

"It's never safe on that street. Never." She cuts me off, sitting up abruptly and meeting my gaze. "How many times have we both nearly been killed out there? Weatherfield is dangerous. It's full of murderers and rapists and evil people."

"...You felt ok about it before the incident, it's just the aftermath of-"

"No!" She shouts, throwing the baby-grow onto the bed in fury. "Ok? I thought that day would be the happiest day of my life. I thought nothing could go wrong. But that's the thing, isn't it? You never know. You never know when something's going to hit you. That's the scariest part of it all, something could happen at any time, any place, and there's no way we can predict or stop it. The things I've seen on this street. My brothers dead by the traffic that passes by every hour of every day, that just seems normal, until it rips your world apart. Being on cloud nine, going baby shopping, looking at the sonogram photo every morning and planning a future for a baby I never got to meet. Thinking somebody is your friend, putting your absolute trust in them and then finding out they're so obsessive with you, they stalk you, torture you, lock you in the boot of their car and make you think you've been raped." Tears are pouring down her cheeks in despair and my chest tightens at the word. "And then a few days ago, I saw a man point a gun at your head, fire a bullet and then I watched him die. _We_ watched him die. After murdering four innocent people. It's sick. It's sick and it's unfair." She forces herself up off the bed, wincing in pain as she reaches the door, slamming it behind her. I sit in silence, complete shock, trying to absorb the severity of her revelation.

The quiet tick of the clock was the only invasion to my thoughts. I guide my fingers over the soft, cotton baby-grow that lay scrunched up on the bed. I imagined Michelle picking it out. I remembered her video calling me after her shopping trip, the excited grin on her face, one hand on her bump, the other parading the future of her baby boy before the camera. She'd been so proud, so content. She hadn't known the pain that was to hit her over the coming eighteen months, and the things she had suffered since had been agonisingly nightmarish. She was so strong, and she didn't give herself enough credit for it. Neither of us did.

"Let me in." I reach the bathroom door that she has bolted shut, knocking softly on the wood. "Michelle I'm worried about you. Please let me in." There's no noise as I swallow the lump in my throat, memories flooding back through my mind. "Michelle undo the lock, I don't like you being in there by yourself." I wait in silence. "I'll break the door down, I mean it!" I raise my voice, grabbing a stone ornament from the fireplace and holding it up, bracing myself. "Move away from the door then." Panic jolts inside of me, and I actually raise it above my head, before I hear a click, and the door swings open. I stop myself just in time, hysteria lurching as I stop my impending movements, dropping the ornament so a loud smash erupts.

It was a stupid tool to think I could smash a door in. But that was no longer the priority.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sobs, falling back to the floor after barely kneeling up to undo the lock. I drop to the ground, hauling her into my arms as I sway her, pressing a thankful kiss against her forehead. "I didn't think I'm sorry."

"Shh, shh, it's ok." I whisper as she cries into me, my skin absorbing her tears through the dampness of my top.

"I'm scared, I'm scared." She repeats, shaking tremulously in my arms.

"You're safe. I promise you, nobody can hurt you now." I try to calm her, holding her against me protectively. "I've got you."

* * *

"Hi, I hope I'm not intruding." Ali enters the flat after I've buzzed him up and I just shake my head, raising a finger to my lips.

"She's asleep."

"Ah, how is she?" He hands me the bouquet of flowers he had clearly bought for Michelle, and I accept them gratefully, busying myself to find a vase in order to evaporate the awkward tension that still slightly lingered between us.

"Um..." I hesitate, knowing that, of all people, he was the best person to discuss any concerns with. "She's... Alright. Physically, she feels a bit fatigued and is relying on painkillers, but I guess she's getting there."

"And mentally?" He picks up on my insinuation and I lower the flowers into the vase, finally looking at him and shrugging slightly.

"Uh, well she seemed... Okay, until today." The flicker of worry in his eyes sets me on edge. "She sort of had a breakdown this morning." I lower my voice. "The police came over to question her and it really set her back, she raced off into the bedroom and when I tried to talk to her about it she just went... Hysterical. Saying she wasn't safe and that she didn't want to go outside. Replaying all the things that have traumatised her over the past few years... She locked herself in the bathroom, I was ready to knock it down before she finally let me in."

"And then?"

"And then... I just held her for about half an hour, changed her dressing and now she's fallen back to sleep. She's not eaten anything, she won't."

"I mean, it's common to have distress after an event as traumatic as this." Ali evaluates, surprisingly calm about the news. "With any luck it'll be a momentary release, hopefully subsiding over the next few days as she comes to terms with normality again."

"And... If it's not?" I ask cautiously, the idea painful to suggest.

"If it keeps happening, I suggest she talks to someone. She won't like to hear it. But there's some good counsellors at the medical centre, it might be good for her to share her worries and experiences with someone who didn't witness it them self, someone she doesn't have to worry about hurting... How are you, after everything?"

"I'm fine." I assure him, even though it wasn't entirely true. But Michelle needed me and I had to stay strong, despite the fact Aidan's funeral was in a matter of days and everything building up was making me feel physically sick.

"Carla, you've been through a lot." He pauses, actually seeming concerned for my welfare. "The same goes for you, you know? If you need to talk to someone-"

"I don't. Thank you." I respond firmly, engaging in my usual stubborn methods. "Like I said, I'll be fine."

"Ok." He just nods, hesitating as he turns to head back towards the door. "You know where I am, and the medical centre, if you need anything?"

"Yeah." I just manage a small smile.

"Give my love to Michelle." He leaves his eyes holding mine for a brief moment, before exiting, and I close the door behind him. Leaning back against the cool wood, I subside into the fizzing of my head, the room spinning nauseatingly. Sleep was a distant memory. The uncomfortably familiar feeling of floating in and out of reality was beginning to take hold of me, but despite its efforts, my eyelids make no instigation to close, my head makes no denial at staying awake.

 **Michelle**

The dull ache in my forehead is what rouses me, a consistent buzz resounding in my ears as I regain consciousness. That same sound you can't prevent when a room is silent, when you reach out for a noise, anything but the ongoing distant ring that toys from one ear to the other, sawing through the pulsation in my head.

My throat was un-salivated, begging for water, sore and anhydrous. A swelling becomes apparent in my abdomen, the stinging pain making it evident that my unplanned nap had carried me over the three hour mark, since I was due to top up my painkillers.

"Mm." I just mumble, the sound buzzing and echoing in the dryness of my throat. I pull the hem of my top up, closing my eyes before forcing them to lock in on the large dressing that layered over the line of stitches that were predominant either side of it. The image of them makes me wince, disregarding the pain, daring to guide a finger over them and letting out a short whimper. Not even at the sting, but just at the thought of the damage being inflicted on my body. "Carla?" My voice is so hoarse I can barely hear it myself, so I'm surprised she can, as she appears in the doorway. "Help... Help..."

"What? What's wrong?" She panics, approaching me, even though I wanted her to head in the opposite direction and fetch me the liquid my throat desired. The footsteps and soreness frustrates me and I have to try and contain the anger flickering in my slumped body.

"Water." I just respond bluntly, offering no manners or further explanation and she just nods, exiting the room and returning shortly after. I take the glass from her, introducing it to my lips as the cool moisture soothes my dehydration. I down the glass, wiping the droplets that have escaped around my lips with the back of my hand.

"More?" She takes it from me, repeating her earlier actions and placing it down on the side table. I just stare at it for a moment, deciphering whether I was satisfied, before taking another half-hearted sip, mainly for effect. "Right, painkillers. Painkillers." She jumps into action, and I feel myself soften at her urgency, unloading the box of prescribed tablets and popping them into my hand. I raise the glass to my lips again, washing them down, as she kneels down on the bed, fixating her eyes on the wound I still have revealed, clutching my top in my hand. "That'll be alright for a bit." She checks it out, being careful not to touch around the area. I don't know when she qualified as a doctor, but I wasn't disputing it. As I take her in, I notice the visible bags under her eyes, the poignancy of her cheekbones, the tired pout of her lips as she concentrates.

"When did you last sleep?" I finally manage to release a full sentence, and she looks up, realising my gaze had been fixated on her.

"Last night." She replies with a small shrug, even though I knew that wasn't true, because I'd been up with visions, tossing and turning and not once had I seen her in any other position than lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, or holding me in her chest guiding her fingers through my hair. So, disregarding that, she hadn't slept a wink at the hospital, meaning the conclusion was that she'd been between waves of sleep since the night before the wedding.

"You'll make yourself ill." I continue and she sighs, taking the hem of my top from my fingers and slipping it over my wound. "I don't want you to argue with me."

"I've made you something to eat." Is what she decides to follow it up with, and the lack of energy diverts my own attention, giving in on the previous subject.

"...Are you trying to make me feel ill too?" An involuntary smile creeps across my lips ever so slightly.

"Cheeky." She rolls her eyes playfully, watching me for a moment. "We need to discuss before."

"I'm really sorry." I offer, before she can raise the topic further. "For locking myself in the bedroom, throwing a tantrum, bringing all those memories up... I don't know where it came from."

"It came from these." She taps the box of medication, before moving her finger to my head. "And this." Carla pauses, grazing a finger along my cheekbone. "I don't want this to sound patronising, but I'm so incredibly proud of you. For everything, the past few years."

"I didn't say it to beg for sympathy."

"I know that." She speaks so softly it prevents my argumentation from building. "But I just wanted you to know." I see her brighten her expression, exhaling the stress and refreshing herself. "Now though, things will be better. Trust me. And after the funeral we can start focusing on the future. Our future."

"Yeah." I just mumble, playing with the zip on her top. "I feel better having slept. Now I've dosed up on drugs."

"Yeah? Good." She pulls the duvet back, climbing into bed next to me, the covers I am lying on weaving between us. I shift myself, pulling it over the top of me, rotating my body so I'm on my side and resting my head on the pillow next to hers. We stare into each other's eyes for a moment. The vines, sea, forests, all deep greens, reflecting the emerald orbs that sparkled before me. I admit, they'd dulled the tiniest bit due to fatigue, but I was as drawn to them as ever. "We should get a cat."

"...What?" Her brow furrows, trying to understand the randomness of my proposition.

"A cat." I repeat, not knowing myself where the idea had stemmed from.

"I hate cats." She lets out a small laugh. "You don't much like them either. Anyway, we're having a baby soon, no time for pets. She'll need all our attention."

"We just need to get through the next week, and then we'll be on holiday." I whisper, finding her hand under the bedsheets and shuffling closer to her. "In the sun, you and me." I begin to play with the neckline of her top, biting my lip gently. "You know something else we didn't get to do on our wedding day?"

"What?" She narrows her eyes and I cough slightly, signalling my thoughts to her as she sighs. "Yes well, we've got plenty of time for that."

"...Well we're not doing anything now." I glance around the room, my eyes diverting back to her, watching her shake her head. "Why? I'm not ill!"

"You've just been shot, had major surgery, Michelle." She tries to argue gently. "You've got stitches, you're not in the position to-"

"What they disgust you that much?" I deliberately blow her comment out of proportion, knowing that wasn't what she meant. I'd turned the tables, usually I was her and she was me, but at the minute I felt selfish and stubborn enough to take her role. "Because if it was you, I know you'd be exactly the same, you wouldn't want to be treated like an invalid!"

"How can you even suggest they disgust me?" She looks hurt at this and I instantly regret saying it. "I've got scars from my operation, they're never going away. It's not like I don't understand."

"...I know." I swallow, pushing tears back. "I know. I'm sorry... Ugh." I bury my head in my hands for a moment. "I didn't mean it. I just... Hate feeling like this. I wanted everything to go to plan. I just wish we could have enjoyed our day, now it all seems clinical and tiring and... I don't mean us, I just mean, newly married couples are supposed to have fun and smile and enjoy the first few weeks of married life. What are we doing? Changing my bandages and arguing over who's turn it is to cry next."

"...Ok." She just sighs, her face softening as I stare at her with a look of confusion. She moves her head towards mine, her soft hair tickling my cheek, the warmth of her lips inviting to me. It was soft and sweet, everything I missed, everything I fell in love with.

"We don't do this enough." I mumble against her lips. "Kissing. I love kissing you."

"Yeah?" She moves her hand into my hair, smiling slightly as she entwines her tongue with mine, keeping it gentle. I dare to take her hand, moving it down my body, laying it flat against my crotch as she pulls her head just inches away from mine. "Are you sure?"

"Please." I sound so needy, but I didn't care. I wanted back what we could have had, before all the damage was done.

"I'm going to be gentle, don't expect fireworks." She tells me, slipping her hand beneath the hem of my tracksuit bottoms and sliding them down my legs. The soft brush of her fingers sends goosebumps cascading down my bare skin. "Tell me to stop if you need." She whispers, moving in to kiss me once more and I swallow again as I feel her fingers meet me, circulating pleasurably. "God, you're wet."

"Shush." I blush slightly. "I've missed this." At the parting of my lips she moves away again, just gazing down at me lovingly as my eyes flutter closed.

"It's been a few days." She laughs softly, continuing her movements against me as I reach out to knit my hand into her hair. "You look beautiful."

"I don't." I just murmur, gasping slightly as she carefully increases her motions, not even caring that she was watching me cave at the pleasure.

"You do. I love watching you." She murmurs and I open my eyes momentarily, resting them on her loving gaze. "Sorry that sounded creepy."

"You're my wife, you're entitled to." I smile before letting out a quiet involuntary moan, the tickle of arousal creeping up on me. I allow my mouth to drop open slightly, resting my hand against her cheek, looking into her eyes as I exhale.

"You ok?" She checks and I just nod, closing my eyes again, moving my spare hand to grip the bedsheets. She allows the speed of her fingers to increase the pace against me, knowing the effect they were building. I let out a series of mumbles, finding her opposing hand and gripping it as my breathing increases.

"More please more." I beg her quietly, and she follows my commands, causing me to increase the dynamics.

"Don't hold back." She jokes, a laugh emitting her lips as she places a kiss against my forehead. "You're perfect." I absorb her words, before squeezing my eyes shut, unable to hold back the release against her, feeling the bed dampen beneath me. I pant heavily, a loud mumble escaping as I orgasm, throwing my head forward for a second before collapsing it back onto the pillows. "For God's sake Chelle, I'll have to change the sheets now."

"Shut up." I just smile, my eyes still closed, breath still rapid. I wait for my heart to settle, before carefully rolling over, balancing myself so I could move down to kiss her.

"Chelle?" She mumbles, as I continue to kiss her and she gently guides my shoulders away from her. "Can we not?"

"...Oh." I frown, confused at her withdrawal. "...Why? Not that it's a problem... I mean."

"I'm just exhausted." She admits and I pause, pulling my jogging bottoms back up and sitting cross legged on the bed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise, if you don't want to, you don't want to." I say with such meaning it seems to touch her. "You know you didn't have to... If you weren't in the mood."

"No, I wanted to." She assures me, which relaxes me slightly. "I enjoyed it. I think I'm just so wiped out, I don't feel great."

"Ok that's fine." I pop a kiss on her cheek. "You don't have to justify yourself, you know? I'd never make you do anything."

"I know." She whispers, as I tuck my head into her chest and her arms wrap around me. "That's what makes you so special."

"Just that?" I play with the zip on her top.

"That and many other things."

* * *

"Hi Michelle." Rita's voice stops me in my tracks, pulling my coat tighter around me as I cast my eyes around the street nervously. "It's good to see you on your feet again."

"Thanks." I respond, my voice timid as I try to swallow the fear of being outside for the first time since I arrived home from hospital.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok, Rita have you seen Carla?" I decide to ask the question playing on my mind, having woken up to an empty flat. She just shakes her head in response and I flash her an attempt at a smile, heading down the cobbles. My eyes fixate on the Bistro, stopping in my tracks as a gust of wind wavers a loose purple ribbon that has failed to be untied from above the doors. The thought of what lay behind them made me physically sick. I quiver as memories flash back over me, clouds shielding the rays of the sun, preventing any warmth from shining on it.

"Michelle?" I jump suddenly, a small panicked whimper escaping my lips, my heart rushes in my chest as I bolt my head around, coming to face Steve. My eyes remain wide, goosebumps prickling over my concealed arms, as he stares at me in shock. "Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." I mutter defensively, calming myself as I fold my arms over my chest. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to check you were ok..." He pauses. "You don't seem it."

"I said I'm fine, Steve." I protest, my eyes drifting cautiously around the street. "What's it to you anyway?"

"Well I was terrified when I heard what happened."

"Why?"

"Because... You're my friend?" He suggests and I scoff, rubbing my lips together in a sour denial of his affections. "Or at least I still care about you."

"Right ok. Well thank you but I'm fine." I set myself back around again, forcing my eyes away from the Bistro and thundering up the steps of Underworld. I try to compose myself when I realise the door is unlocked, realising the likelihood of her escape destination. There was no sudden whirr of machines, no lively gossip. Instead, the place was silent, aside from a distant sob, sounding from the office. "Carla?" My feet pound on the hard floor as I race towards the door, worry crippling inside me again.

"Oh God." She looks up from her chair, trying to quickly wipe the tears that have stained her cheeks. "I didn't think you'd leave the flat."

"Well I was worried about where you got to." My brow furrows, lowering myself onto the desk as she tries to act nonchalantly. "What's happened?"

"Nothing." She clears her throat, although I can see the evident tears building again in her eyes, desperate to be released. Her voice wavers, her mouth sealing shut again, clenching her fist on the desk before releasing it.

"Carla?" I run a hand through her hair. "You can cry."

"I don't want to cry." She suddenly bursts into tears, her head falling into my lap, as I rub her back comfortingly. She sniffs a few times, debating whether to open up to me or not, clutching a handful of my coat in her hand as I lower my hand to graze a thumb across her wrist. "All I did by handing over that share of Underworld to Aidan was give him a whole lot of stress."

"We all thought that was what he wanted." My earlier panic and anxiety subsides, my tone strengthening for her sake.

"Yeah well what if we were wrong?" She stresses as I smooth her hair down, allowing her to hold onto me. "What if it pushed him over the edge?"

I shift my hand down to rub circular motions on her back, feeling the warmth of her shaking body. "We know that's not true, don't we? Hey? From the letter. We know he was already thinking of..." I trail off, exhaling a sigh in replacement of the words I refused to say. "It wasn't because of Underworld."

"Then what was it?" Her voice is painfully despairing, burying her head against her flat palm. "Why didn't I see it?"

"Why is this all down to you? Why is it always you who has to fix everything-"

"Because it's what I do." She states the facts I already know. It was the truth. I knew she blamed herself for any hurt or disasters which even remotely involved her. It surprised me it had taken her this long for her to reach this false conclusion. She presses her fingers against her eyes, nuzzling her head into me as she tries to stop her sobs. "He gave me life, Chelle. He gave me life and I couldn't help him. I couldn't save him."

"Please don't do this to yourself. Please." I beg her, closing my eyes as the thought of her hating herself so much, as she did with the fire, pains me.

"I'm just, I'm just trying to think." She swallows, her head working overtime to summarise some conclusion. "I'm just trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together so I can... Understand why. So I can help Johnny understand why."

"Yeah well..." I dare my eyes to look up at the ceiling, the factory he sat in for days on end, his coffee mug still sat on the desk, as if waiting for him to return to it. "Unfortunately he's taken most of those pieces with him, hasn't he?"

"I didn't say anything." She breathes, so quietly her voice is barely a whisper, her words echoing in the dryness of her throat, the quietness of the office. "I wish I'd said something. Right at the end. Why didn't I tell him I loved him?"

She bursts into tears again and it breaks my heart, trying my best to comfort her. "Oh come on, he knew. He knew darling." I lean down to plant a longing kiss on the top of her head. "Come on, hey? Come on it's ok." I whisper into her hair as she continues to cry, letting down the barriers, allowing herself to weaken.

 **Carla**

"How are you feeling about being out of the flat?" I ask before regretting it, as she drums her fingers on the base of her wine glass. Tearing her eyes away from where they were apprehensively darting around The Rovers, she looks back at me.

"Alright." Her voice is hushed, a small shrug brushing off my question. She raises the glass to her lips once more, steadying her gaze on mine as she peers over the rim of the glass. "How are you feeling now?"

"I'm sorry for the outburst-"

"Look." The tiredness of her tone seems slightly impatient and I back away from my response. "Can we just stop apologising to each other? What good is it doing? When there's no need. The word just seems meaningless and sour."

We sit in a silence for a while, offering nothing to one another, preferring the unresponsive state, to one which would yet again consist of conversing over the disasters of the past few weeks. Apologies, tears, reminiscing. It was all too exhausting and quite frankly, uninteresting to review the same conversations over and over again.

"Right I'm getting another drink." Michelle finally breaks the silence, but doesn't make an attempt to move. I ponder whether the statement was a hint for me to approach the bar, but I don't have time to stand up or ask, because Gail and Audrey have now blocked off our booth.

"Oh Michelle, how are you?" Audrey greets, as if they were best mates. She flashes me an awkward smile, which I make no effort to return, and Michelle's makeup-less face just glances at me for a moment. She looked fed up, wiped out, lost and so much younger, so innocent.

"Um... I'm ok." Her voice is cold and unenthusiastic, tracing her finger over the rose tinted glass that stained as a result of the harsh red liquid previously drained from it. "Thanks."

"...And you, Carla?" Audrey turns to me, releasing a slight cough at the tension that naturally hung between us.

"Well it's not the first time she's been involved in drama at the Bistro." Gail decides to offer before I can respond. "If I were you, I'd keep away from that place. It only seems to bring harm to you... Like you bring harm to other people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Michelle blurts out, defensively, again before I can even dignify a response. "Why are you still so bothered? Move on. Just because your life is so unexciting, doesn't give you a right to comment on everyone else's."

"Michelle!" I hiss and she glares at me.

"No!" She argues. "I'm not having it. Why can't everyone just leave us alone? I'm not a museum artefact, there's not much to see and not much to hear. I'm fine."

"...Well I fancy a voddie and tonic." Gail murmurs to herself, as if the argument hadn't even phased her, and she heads off towards the bar, Audrey giving us an apologetic wave before joining her.

"...She makes my new mother-in-law seem like an angel." I mutter and Michelle raises an eyebrow, a small smile creeping across her cheeks as she utters a laugh. "What?" I begin to laugh with her.

"You don't have much luck do you?" She grins, an actual smile for the first time in days. "I love my mum to pieces but wow, she can be a nightmare."

"Especially when she's always hated your guts."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Helen, Gail, Deirdre... Never knew Tony's mum... Helen again." I list, and she reaches for my hand. "...Anne Foster was a handful as well-"

"Anne Foster was never your mother-in-law."

"Almost was."

"But she wasn't." She assures me and I close my eyes momentarily. "You don't have any associations with that family."

"Yeah." I force a smile, squeezing her hand gently. "Speaking of family, I need to check in on Kate before the funeral."

"Speaking of family..." Michelle trails off, and my eyes follow in the same direction as hers, watching as Peter approaches us, Suzie in his arms.

"Someone wants a cuddle with their... Mummies." He tries to establish.

"Don't call us that." I narrow my eyes, even though it stimulated a warm tingling feeling in my tummy which I would never admit to.

"Hi darlin'." Michelle immediately perks up, taking her from Peter and hugging her against her chest. He just coughs awkwardly, looking relieved to have palmed her off and heading back behind the bar. "We've missed you. Yes we have."

"Mummy." I lower my voice, nudging her leg with my foot and she gazes at me, the word clearly content in her own mind. "This image..." I wave my finger around them. "Warms my heart."

"She warms my heart she's like a hot water bottle." She kisses the top of Suzie's head, as she mumbles into her shoulder.

"Hey, you." I reach forward to shake Suzie's hand gently. "This is the happiest I've seen her recently, teach me your tactics."

"Come here." She pats the sofa next to her with her spare hand, and I don't hesitate before getting up, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. "You both make me the happiest."

"Mm." I plant a kiss on her forehead, and she smiles against me. "When the whole adoption process is over, social services and custody conversations. This will be our life."

"Does that scare you?" She murmurs, her eyes flickering up to meet mine.

"No." I whisper, grazing my thumb over Suzie's head. "Not anymore."

"Really?" She stares at me so lovingly, nudging her nose against mine, the wonders of how my niece had affected her mindset settling me.

"It's you and her." I whisper in her ear. "Of course I'm not afraid."

"This is cosy." A voice snaps us out of our trance, and I turn to face Alya, leaning over the booth, as if she had some kind of authority over me. "Is this why you're not at the factory?"

"Well, I _was_ at the factory." I point out bluntly. " _My_ factory. And then I came here."

"What time?"

"Excuse me?"

"What time were you at the factory?" She elaborates and I shrug.

"Half eight maybe."

"...You are aware the working day starts at nine? Which is when I got there this morning?"

"I'm fully aware of that yes, since we own the place." I wave a finger between Michelle and I. "And since you seem to enjoy keeping everybody in order, I thought you'd be capable of managing for a few hours."

"Whilst you swan off to have play dates?" She dares to indicate and I try to settle the fury bubbling inside me.

"No, my brother's funeral is in a few days, I needed some time to clear my head, so I'm spending it with his daughter, and my wife, given she's just left hospital." I shut her up, and guilt flickers across her expression. "Is that ok with you?"

"...Yes." She just agrees, coldly. "...Sorry."

"Right." I just nod, before waving my hand towards the bar. "Thanks for your time."

"If you carry on like this, you won't be able to work with her." Michelle nudges me, diverting my attention back to her.

"Well I can't stand the girl." I respond plainly. "I never have, and she doesn't like me. She's treading on thin ice. She knows full well I've got the upper hand here. If I don't like her, I can sack her. So why does she think she can go around shouting the odds?"

"Well let's not deal with this today." She suggests quietly and I sigh, resting my head on her shoulder as she kisses the top of my head. "Forget any added stress, alright? Lets just focus on you, me, and this little one."

 **Michelle**

"I'm not just saying this because I want to see you do it." I pipe up from the sofa. "But she needs her nappy changing and I can't bend down that far."

"...What?" Carla looks up, panicked from the kitchen, her eyes settling on where Suzie was lying in my chest as I tiredly watch the television. "Well can't you... I don't know, do it on the kitchen surface?"

"Ew, no!" I object and she winces. "Come on, you're going to be a mum, you have to learn these things."

"Stop using that word." I can sense the abnormality of it echoing in her head.

"Ok then, you're her auntie." I try to talk her round. "You're not going to get away with never doing it, Carla. What about when I'm at a meeting and you're looking after her by yourself?"

"Well then I'll take the meeting."

"What if it's for my wedding business?"

"Well... Then I know a lot about weddings." She frets. "A hell of a lot more than I know about changing nappies."

"You don't need to be scared-"

"I'm not scared!" She objects. "It's just... Not me."

"You were a baby once."

"Mm, yeah and that's hardly an example to set to myself, is it?" She sighs approaching me and reaching her arms out to take her. I smile contently as she rocks her against her chest, warming to her embrace.

"You're getting so much better at this."

"It's like riding a bike, Michelle." She tells herself. "Except, I could never ride a bike, never had a bike, apart from when I borrowed Rusty Tom's bike that he nicked and I crashed it straight into the graffiti boards... But that's not gonna happen with us, is it?" She puts on a cute babyish voice as she looks down at Suzie. "I can do this." Her tone hardens as she looks back up at me. "Ok, I can do this. Yeah? Talk me through."

"Nappies, wipes, plastic bags, changing mat." I point to the bag, trying to lift it off the sofa and she stops me.

"Uh, careful." I flop back down as she grabs it with her free hand, laying it out on the floor. "Have we got any gloves?"

"For goodness sake." I roll my eyes, tucking my legs under myself as I observe from the sofa. "Right lay her on her back. Pull the baby-grow down and undo the tabs on the side."

"Ok..." She mumbles to herself in concentration, as if trying to work out an incredibly difficult mathematical equation. "This smells awful... Oh God." She winces as she undoes he happy, staring at me innocently. "Why do they punish us like this?"

"Wipes." I indicate, and she helps herself to a handful, taking a deep breath before wiping her clean. She pulls a face for the entirety of the time, picking the used ones up with a singular finger and a thumb and dumping them in the plastic bag. "Ok now lift her legs up, pull the nappy out and wipe underneath."

"That won't hurt her?" She checks and I shake my head, giving up my facade and kneeling down to help her.

"Here look if I hold her up..." I show her, as she follows my instructions, continuing to look disgusted, but interest almost beginning to show all the same. "There you go, chuck the used nappy in there as well."

"Yes please." She abandones it, finding a clean one and putting it the wrong way around.

"Other way, babe." I tap it. "The teddy's face goes at the front."

"Well how am I supposed to know that?"

"Because... The teddy's face is at the front." I explain blankly. "And on the other side, look, it's the back. It's common sense."

"Do they all have teddies on?"

"No, some have elephants, dogs, I've seen dolphin ones before." I respond with a hint of sarcasm, which she barely picks up on due to her concentration.

"Well that's stupid, dolphins don't have front or backs." She just mumbles, sliding the nappy underneath Suzie as I release her. "Now what?"

"Now take the tabs, look." I point to them. "And pull them around the front, not too tight. Make sure you can fit your finger under it still."

"And it just sticks?" She pats it down and I nod, as she completes the other one, staring down at her for a moment. "...It's done?"

"Yeah." I clap my hands slightly, amused at her amazement. "Well done, I told you that you could do it."

"Did I actually just do that?" Her eyes widen and the excitement in her tone and expression makes me smile with pride.

"Yes you did." I laugh gently, squeezing her shoulder as she picks Suzie up, widening her mouth. "Wasn't so hard, was it?"

"No." She kisses her forehead, her tone suddenly bright. "Not as hard as I thought it would be."

"Oh excellent." I pat her back, picking up the bag and tying it. "That can be your job now then."

"Uh, no." She stares back at me in protest. "I didn't enjoy it that much."

"Enjoy it?" I tease her, returning to her side and nudging her playfully. "Did you just enjoy changing a nappy?"

"No I did not!"

"Yes you did." I bite my lip, giggling as I wind her up.

"Michelle!" She scolds, the scowl on her forehead fading when she finally looks at me, trying to hide a smile. "Shut up."

"Haha." I laugh into her, kissing her affectionately. "You're so good with her." I run my fingers through her hair, as she rocks her against her chest gently, uttering soothing sounds. "And I know you don't like me saying it, but you're going to be an amazing mum."

She doesn't know what to respond with, just whips her head around to face me, calming when she sees my expression.

"You've got nothing to be scared of." I whisper, kissing her nose. "I promise. You're picking this up so well."

"...You actually think that?" She looks shocked and I nod sincerely, tears springing to her eyes suddenly. "You genuinely mean it?"

"Of course I do." I assure her, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Hey, we said no more crying." I smile, as she returns it.

"I just... Never thought someone would see me with a child and think I was capable of caring for it." She swallows. "You really believe in me. That's hardly ever happened before, with anyone else."

"I do." I confirm and she exhales, resting her cheek against the top of Suzie's head. "There's nobody else I'd rather raise a child with. Nobody else who deserves it more. You're going to be outstanding. Ok? Believe me on that one."

"I believe you." She whispers in response and I wrap my arms around her shoulders, breathing in the scent of her hair as I sway them both gently. "I actually believe you. I'm so ready. If I've got you, I'm so ready."


	28. Paranoia

**Chapter 28:**

 _ **A/N: I apologise for how long it's taken me to get this up, I've been busy with edits and work. Hope you enjoy!**_

 **Michelle**

"Morning sweetheart." I hear a voice ringing in my head, my eyelids fluttering open as the room spins for a moment. Carla is peering down at me, a loving gaze on her face as she brushes the hair behind my ear. I let out a soft mumble at the illuminations of the sun rays cast over the bed, peering blearily at the window for a moment. "It's eight thirty, we've got a meeting in two hours."

"...At Underworld?" Worry flickers in my tone, fear encasing me at the thought of leaving the warmth and comfort of our bed. I was so safe here. Outside everything was so unpredictable.

"Yeah." She muffles a laugh, continuing to weave her fingers through my hair. My eyes search her face, taking in her beauty. She looked gorgeous, which was nothing new, but there was something about the complexity of her sea green hues that draws me in even more. "You ready to face the world?"

I respond with a lie, which is followed up as I throw the covers back, dragging myself from the embrace I had been protected in. After showering, dressing and allowing my hair to fall back from the bun I had swept it into to shower, due to the lack of time I had given myself, I study my reflection in the mirror. The misty condensation creates a shielded picture of my face, as I raise a hand to wipe a circular cut out, knowing full well from experience that it would just ripple the reality.

My eyes look sunken, the slightest twinge of darkness circling beneath them. I'd started to sleep late, but that was due to the fact that I tossed and turned until the early hours. That was on a good night, regarding I didn't feel the same pang of shock in my stomach over and over, or hear Phelan's voice in the back of my mind. Nightmares; the kind that I didn't forget when I woke in the morning.

"Chelle, how long are you gonna be?" A tap on the door guides me back to my senses. Swallowing, I try to assemble my chestnut locks in some kind of presentable fashion, before sliding the lock across the door. "You look awful."

"Wow, cheers." Heading past her with my head held low, I reach the kitchen, pouring the now partially cooled water from the kettle into a mug, which I proceed to drown coffee granules in.

"Why have you put the water in before the coffee?" Her question is so normal, domestic, simple. It makes me pause in thought, releasing a small shrug. "...Babe, we need to go-"

"Alright Carla!" I suddenly snap, surprised at my own actions, as I turn sharply, my hair whipping around and relaxing against my shoulders again. "I'm sure Windley's will manage to pull through just this once, it's not gonna kill them off is it? Having to wait an extra two minutes for a meeting to begin."

"...It's Trindley's." I don't know why she feels the need to correct me, but I also don't fight the urge to give in, too exhausted to dispute her at this point. "Come here." Her hand finds mine and I allow her to guide me towards the bedroom, placing her hands firmly on my shoulders as she lowers me into the ivory stool at the dressing table. I say very little as she kneels down, beginning to blend foundation into my skin, the stroke of her fingers soothing me.

"Do I really look that bad?"

"No." She studies me for a second, identifying any areas that need extra attention. "But painting your face on can really lift your mood."

"Who said my mood wasn't already lifted?"

She responds with her eyebrows raised, moving to sweep shadow across my eyelids, prompting me to close them, the soft trail of the brush triggering waves of sleep over me again. "I like doing this, you know? I never got chance to paint faces of dolls when I was younger, I had to use a stick and grass stains."

"Mm, now you have a wife as your dummy."

"Mascara." Her words are whispered and my eyes flicker open, focusing in on her concentrated expression, as she heightens the brush in her hand. I pull away slightly, hesitant at it slipping and poking me in the eye. "Trust me." Her words are unintentionally seductive, coaxing me to relax and allow her to lean forwards, gently guiding the brush upwards against my lashes. I swallow, feeling the heat of her so close to me, not daring to close my eyes, partially because I didn't want to blink and mess it up, but also partly because I felt the need to trace every inch of her face and didn't want to miss a second of it. I notice her eyes sweep to mine, the movements of the brush slowing, her face now just inches from mine as she stares back at me. "There. Beautiful." She doesn't remove her orbs from the ones staring back at her, dwelling in the silence, hand still poised. It's a moment of comfort, attraction, before I move in, brushing my lips against hers and murmuring a word of thanks. "If all else fails at this meeting, I might pack it in and become a makeup artist."

"Yeah? Ok, let's see your work." I finally respond with something, my tone brightening as I spin around to look in the mirror. "Hey, good job. I feel like we're thirteen and giving each other makeovers again."

"We never did that."

"Yeah but most teenage girls do." I smile as she pushes my hair back, placing a soft kiss against my neck. Humming at the contact, I watch her movements in the mirror, absorbing the image of her moving her lips across my skin. "Thank you. I do feel better now... I think I just... I don't know why I feel so scared to be out there all of a sudden."

"Well you've got me." She reminds me, wrapping her arms around my neck and taking in our reflection for a moment. "I'll hold your hand. Keep you safe. You've got nothing to be afraid of."

"Ok." I kiss her a final time before reluctantly pulling myself up. "Like you said, let's go and face the world."

 **Carla**

"So here are a rough draft of the figures we're looking at." I shift a sheet of paper towards Neil Trindley, as his stern face absorbs the maths in front of him. "I know it's been a while since we've done business together, so I thought I'd include some statistics of how our sales have been in the recent months."

"And this was your work?" He raises his head, as I flash a look at Michelle.

"Well, no, my brother was taking care of the factory until recently."

"Is your brother still in the business?" His tone is so cold I have to swallow back goosebumps.

"Uh, not anymore."

"Since when?"

"Since a few weeks ago."

"...Was there a problem with the business?" He raises an eyebrow, taking a sip of his coffee as the dark liquid ripples at the quiet slurp he inflicts. "Something must have driven him away? If it's as good as you say it is."

"Well... We're not actually here to discuss the construction of management." I flash him a polite smile. "Michelle and I own the business now."

"And you're capable of running it together? Without the help of your brother?"

"Yes." I try to conceal the twinge of hurt and anger in my tone. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"There's an error here, in one of the statistics." He points out, shuffling the sheet along to Michelle who inspects it.

"Oh, yeah that's not right." Michelle bites her lip anxiously, raising her head and passing me over the sheet.

"Alya?" I yell, noticing Michelle jump slightly at my outburst. The door opens almost instantly, as she stands with a pristine smile on her face. "You completed this order sheet, correct?"

"Yep." Her tone is cold towards me, expression falling when she joins the conversation. "Two hours that took me." The sickening smile crawls back across her face as she praises herself to Mr Trindley.

"Not long enough." He pats the sheet, his tone gruff as she narrows her eyes at him. "There's an error in the figures."

"An error?" The surprise in her tone is mockable as she graces her eyes over the paper in front of her. "Oh..."

"Yes, 'oh', have you forgotten how to use a calculator now?" I try to keep my voice restrained. "I do apologise Mr Trindley, this is Alya Nazir, our trainee... Apprentice."

"Apprentice?" Alya repeats, dropping the sheet in a bid to have the audacity in starting an argument here and now. She coughs slightly, trying to maintain a professional manner, a fake politeness wavering in her tone. "I've worked here for years..." She turns around to Mr Trindley. "I actually supported Aidan with the business, we were partners, until he passed away."

"...Passed away?" His gaze flickers to me and my stomach sinks at the words, immediately having to hold back frustrations towards Alya. "I thought you said he'd left the business?"

"Oh... I." Alya glances at me awkwardly and I glare at her.

"Well he has..." I just swallow emotion, my fist clenching under the table, desperate to whip open the drawer and down the bottle of whiskey that was resting in it.

"It's a very sensitive matter." Michelle tries to intervene. "We'd rather not discuss it, if it's all ok with you?"

"Yes... Of course." He nods amicably, as Alya straightens her skirt out.

"Could you get us some coffees please, Alya?" My tone is sharp despite the manners.

"I thought you wanted me to adjust the figures-"

"No, I don't want you to go anywhere near them."

"Right." She just responds bluntly, turning on her heel and slamming the door with an unnecessary amount of force, which makes Michelle wince.

"I do apologise." Managing a small cough, I maintain the professional manner I had perfected over the years, even when everything was going to shit. "Now where were we, um..." I begin to faff with the sheets, feeling his gaze hanging over me, equipped with Michelle's equally worried one, as if I could snap at any moment.

"...I'm sorry about your brother." The words swallow any other thoughts floating around my mind, and I flash him a casual smile, handing over a folder of designs.

"Thanks." Is all I respond with, bluntly. "But anyway, here's some designs we've produced recently, if you'd like to have a look over. You'll see the vast range of ideas we're capable of."

The door opens with a subsequent amount of force, the quiet rattle of china against the plastic tray ringing in my ears. Alya doesn't say a word, placing it down and practically slamming my mug down on my desk, before flicking her hair around to face our client.

"Do you take sugar, Mr Trindley?"

"I can manage that myself." He waves his hand, as if shooing her off and it makes me smile smugly for a moment, which I hadn't intended for her to catch, but she does anyway.

"No, really. It's not a problem-" She begins, as he attempts to take the mug from her grip, letting go as she does and I know it's too late making any effort to stop the inevitable from happening. Instead, I squeeze my eyes shut as I hear the loud swears of the client, as a result of the coffee falling in his lap. "Oh no, I'm so sorry-"

"That's boiling hot!" He shouts, as Michelle jumps straight up, grabbing tissues and pulling the office door open.

"Sinead, can you get me some tea towels?"

"That was my fault..." Alya stammers, trying to collect the fallen china from Mr Trindley's lap, as he bats her away in frustration. "I'm really sorry."

"Alya, get out." I snap, as she stands uselessly by his side. Her eyes flare against mine, and I move my finger to point by at the door, marking it as if she'd lost all senses of understanding. "Go."

"Take my advice and work on a machine." He just tuts as she reluctantly leaves, slamming the door behind her in a strop. "She's got an awful attitude on her."

"I know. I'm so, so sorry." I stand as he does, taking in the stains on his trousers. "I'll pay for those to be dry cleaned."

"It's not that I'm worried about, it's my scalds!"

"Here." Michelle re-enters, holding out a handful of tea towels, which he attempts to mop himself down with. "Why don't I show you the bathroom, Mr Trindley?"

I relish the silence for a matter of seconds after he has been ushered out, pacing the office and trying to withhold the cravings for the bottle hidden just inches away from me.

"...Can I have a word?" The same irritating voice drills into my head again and my eyes snap open to face Alya, as she closes the door behind her. "...I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen-"

"Yeah, so you should be." I can't help the anger in my tone. "You've probably just lost us a vital client. Did you see the potential turnover from that order? Although, you probably wouldn't be able to add it up, would you?"

"That's uncalled for." She folds her arms bitterly, prepared to square up to me if necessary. "Look... I'll talk to him. I'll sort it-"

"Alya, clients like him, they eat people like you for breakfast!"

She scoffs slightly at my comment, muffling a laugh through either annoyance or offence. "That's not fair."

"Look, we cannot afford to make stupid mistakes." Keeping my voice as calm as possible, I fix her gaze, which prompts her to duck her head in defeat. "You're not at college anymore, Alya. This is real life. This is business." I lean forwards, lowering my hands on to the desk to compose myself, as she stares me down once more, waiting for my next comeback. "Which... I'm really not sure you're up to."

"Well Aidan thought I was." She dares to return, the mention of his name hurting me, angering me, especially when it came from her. I didn't even know what she did that grated on me so much, but her smug responses were enough to kickstart a spew of home truths.

"Do you know your trouble?" I lean forwards menacingly. "You've never ever had to go hungry. Ok? And mistakes don't matter to people who don't have to suffer the consequences, do they? You need to learn."

"Right, so what are you trying to say?" She snaps back at me, taking a step forwards, prepared to take me on as the stench of her sickeningly sweet perfume rises around me. "That you're gonna dock my wages because I got something wrong? You've made plenty of mistakes!"

"Don't you use that tone with me!" My finger is pointed in her face immediately, the tension circulating us. "You are spoilt, Alya, and you are arrogant."

"Oh well I've never particularly liked you either! Or the way that you run this place!"

"Oh is that right?" I start shouting to match her, now so close I could virtually feel the blood pumping aggressively through her own veins, as it was mine.

"Yeah!" She screams. "At least Aidan understood that it was about more than balance sheets! He never would have talked to me like this! Who the hell do you think you are?"

" _I_ am your boss!"

"Well mores the pity!"

"Well if you can't hack it, maybe you ought to think twice about working here."

"You know what? Yeah." She grabs her stuff suddenly, frustration pummelling through both of us. "You're right. I quit!" She finalises, grabbing the door handle before pulling back, shoving her face close to mine, grinding her teeth lividly. "If Aidan could see the way you've behaved, he would be so ashamed."

The room falls silent. She holds no remorse as the squeak of the door sounds, whooshing as it closes behind her. I stare at the wall, her last words echoing in my mind, sending a cascade of goosebumps down my arms.

 _He would be so ashamed._

"Right, I've worked my magic. Managed to talk him into having a meeting at the Bistro in a few days time." I hear Michelle's voice but don't react to it, the shadow of her appearance gliding before my watering eyes. "Carla? What's the matter?"

"...Alya's gone." I swallow tears, wiping my arm across my face.

"What? Why?"

"Because she's a nasty piece of work and I don't want her here."

"You fired her?" Her voice is surprisingly soft, a contrast to the fierce hysterics that were resounding in here just moments before.

"No. She quit." I shrug it off, finally shifting my eyes to hers. "...Before telling me that Aidan would be ashamed of me." My voice cracks weakly, eyes following her actions as she drapes the blinds closed, returning to hold me at arms length. "Would he be ashamed of me?"

"Never." The seriousness of her tone makes the word so believable, wiping a stray tear from my cheek with her own hand. "Ok? Never. So don't listen to what anybody else says. You make him prouder everyday."

"I'm trying to." The shakiness of my broken voice draws her in, pulling me forwards so she can wrap her arms around my neck, swaying me gently. "I'm trying so hard."

"I know you are, baby." She whispers into my hair. "And you're doing amazing. Please don't doubt yourself. Please never doubt yourself, Aidan had every faith in you. I promise you that."

* * *

"Chelle where are your hair straighteners?" I emerge from the bedroom without greeting her, and she just points to where they are lay on the coffee table. "Trust mine to break, today of all days."

"See, you wouldn't get these kind of privileges with a bloke." I see her crack a joke over the rim of her coffee mug, and I ignore her, noticing her swallow awkwardly. "Uh, sorry... How are you feeling?"

"Top of the world." I just mutter, running the straighteners through my hair. "I'm burying my brother, what could be better?" The sarcasm is sharp in my tone, and I lower the straighteners, seeing her expression. "Sorry, sorry darlin'." I go over, wrapping my arms around her as she runs her hands up my back. "God, I promised myself I wouldn't be a cow today."

"Well I'll let you off this once." She whispers in my ear, pulling back to cup my face in her hands. "And I'm here for you, alright?"

"Don't try and be strong for me." I beg her, knowing this was so hard for her, but she'd sacrifice her own grief to alleviate mine. "I know how special he was to you."

"And today we'll celebrate all the things he achieved." She kisses my nose quickly. "All the things that made him so special."

"I don't deserve you." I tilt my forehead against hers. "But I'm so glad I've got you."

"Yeah, me too." She murmurs against my skin. "Me too."

 **Michelle**

"Why've you got your sunglasses on?" Carla oddly pipes up as I emerge from Victoria Court. "It's not even sunny."

"Sorry..." I frown, as she pushes them up onto my head.

"That's better." She kisses my temple. "Now I can see your eyes."

"Where's the uh..." I indicate, not wanting to mention the hearse.

"On its way." She nods confidently, trying to contain strength and I rub a hand up and down her back supportively. "Here they are." I hear her mumble, moving my eyes upwards to see Kate, Johnny and Jenny heading towards us.

"Hi love." Johnny pulls her into a hug, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, allowing Kate to take over from him. He moves to me, repeating the embrace as I hold him tightly. "How are you feeling now?"

"Oh uh, I'm ok." I just force a smile, despite feeling sick at the thought of being out of the flat for the second time. I debate whether to ask the statutory question of if he was alright, but knew the response would probably cause more harm than good. "No Rana?"

"She has to work." Kate briefly explains, mourning so predominant in her eyes, she looked so young and innocent.

"It's here." Jenny interrupts the emotional atmosphere, and we all turn to look at where the hearse is heading towards us. I link my fingers with Carla's as she takes a step back, squeezing her hand gently, allowing Kate and Johnny to step forward and grieve the wooden coffin, decorated with bright flowers. I swallow back the shock of it all. The reality now that my eyes had come to meet the ultimatum. The final chance I'd ever see him.

"Oh no." Carla's voice invades my thoughts and I turn my head in her direction, noticing where she was staring Alya down.

"What?"

"Why's she here?"

"Well she did know Aidan, baby." I remind her gently. "They were close."

"It's family only." She lets go of my hand, taking a step towards her as I pull her back gently.

"Car, is it so bad her being here?" I whisper, so as to not upset Johnny and Kate. "Aidan might have wanted her to-"

"Don't start telling me what Aidan would have wanted." She demands. "I've told you, nobody knows that. Today says it all."

I let her go, my eyes following where she storms over to her, Johnny's broken voice interrupting my thoughts.

"Michelle?" He offers, pointing at the coffin and I swallow nerves, taking a glance around me out of paranoia before moving forwards. I place a hand flat upon the coffin, the warmth of the wood surprising to me.

"I love you, cuz." I whisper, gazing at the intricacy of the flowers. For a moment, I think Carla has returned when I feel an arm around my shoulders, jumping slightly in surprise, before noticing it is Maria.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." She says gently. "How come Carla's not over here with you?"

"Talking to Alya." I just shrug, a bit annoyed that she'd felt the need to leave me, but grateful for Maria's presence all the same. "He loved you, you know?"

"Eva hasn't made an effort to show then?" She bypasses my statement, probably due to the emotional sentiment, scanning the street. "Thought she might come back, just for this."

"I don't know where she is." I sigh, walking away from the coffin as she keeps her arm around my shoulders. "But if she can abandon her baby and the love of her life's funeral, I don't want her here anyway."

"I was a bit unsure about whether I'd be welcome." She admits. "You know, with it being family only?"

"Maria, you are family." I pull her in for a hug. "You'll always be family. And Aidan would have wanted you here."

"Liam kept saying he wanted to come." She explains. "I didn't think he'd be ready for it. It was hard enough trying to answer all his questions. He doesn't quite understand yet how these people are just taken from him... Sorry, I'm not helping."

"No, I understand." I give her a comforting smile, jumping suddenly as a hand meets my back. My breath catches in my throat as I spin around, my heart pumping quickly, my eyes growing wide. "Carla, don't do that."

"What?" She stares at me concerned and I instantly feel stupid. The slightest thing was setting me on edge, even an embrace from my wife. I didn't feel comfortable being out in the open, but I knew I had to be, and I had to try and push past this. "You alright?"

"What did you say to Alya?" I divert the subject, not wanting to bring up my anxieties now.

"I just told her to go." She shrugs, the ragged look in her eyes indicating that it might have been a more heated discussion. Her eyes dart to the coffin, the pain she was trying to conceal becoming evident.

"Do you want to say anything?" I ask gently and she shakes her head, folding her arms over her chest defensively. "Come here, come here." I whisper, taking her hand and leading her over to it, because I could tell she wanted to be closer to him. "Ok?"

"No." I can see the desperation of her eyes as they battle to keep tears back. "I'm not ok." She pauses, placing a hand on the coffin. "Why did you do it? Why?" She quickly wipes a tear from her cheek. "Look we're all here. We've all come for you... We could have been there for you when it wasn't too late."

"Carla." I prompt her quietly, knowing she was torturing herself with 'what if's' yet again. "...You can cry."

"No, I can't." She decides, composing herself again. "I need to be strong for Kate and Johnny."

"Well let me do that." I guide a hand up and down her arm, her expression softening as she finally meets my gaze. "Come here." I pull her in, letting her head rest on my shoulder.

We stand there until Jenny gives her a tap on the back; "we're going to the church now."

"Ok." Carla pulls away, heading towards the black car behind the hearse.

"Do you want me to meet you there?"

"No please come with me, please." She begs me suddenly and I run my fingers through her hair, climbing into the seat next to her and taking her hand in mine.

* * *

"And now Aidan's father, Johnny, is going to tell us a bit about Aidan." Billy nods at him, as he feverishly stands, unravelling the paper he had clutched in his hands.

"I remember when I was told I was having a son." Johnny begins, his voice shaky. "It was one of the happiest days of my life. Seeing the image of him on the screen, Lou's face beaming with excitement. A few months later, I held him in my arms for the first time, I stared down into his eyes and I realised how proud I was. How achieved I felt. I made him all these promises... I was going to make sure he was captain of the rounders team, take him fishing, read to him every night before bed... But most of all, I was going to look after him... Look after... Him." He begins to stammer, tears welling in his eyes as they slide down my cheeks. "Then when... When..."

"I'll go." Carla whispers to Kate, as I see her preparing to stand up from the other side of me. She releases my hand, squeezing my shoulder quickly before meeting Johnny at the head of the church. "Ok dad." She puts her arm around him, as he scrapes tears from his cheeks, shifting the paper towards her. She clears her throat, and I ache with despair as Kate nestles into my shoulder, her tears dampening my top. "Then when his mum died, he amazed me with his strength. The way he cared for his sister Kate, when I was in pieces. The boy he'd grown up to be, the beautiful, kind, caring child he was, I knew his mother would be so proud of him. I grew prouder of him everyday. He kept achieving all these things, the same sparkle in his eyes when he learnt something new, excelled himself in whatever situation he was given..." Carla swallows, taking a deep breath. "And in the last few months of his life, he did the most amazing thing. He saved the life of my daughter... He's kept her..."

"With us." Johnny finishes her sentence, as she tries to quieten her sobs. "And a few days before he... Went... I remember looking at him, with pure admiration and thinking wow... I did good. I raised the most courageous, kind-hearted man. He had so much going for him. A business owner, a friend, a... Father. Even though he didn't know it properly. But the person I saw was a very different reflection in his own mind... And I can only hope he's happier now... He's safer... He's..."

"He's joined his mum, his grandparents, Liam, Paul..." Carla trails off as I feel Ryan squeeze my shoulder gently from behind me, trying not to panic at the contact. "I know he'll be looking after them, like he looked after us down here. And one day... I'll see you again Aidan."

"I love you son." Johnny fights his tears to finish, breaking down as he clings onto Carla, grabbing a handful of her top as she holds him, her bottom lip trembling with emotion. She allows herself to weaken when she gets back to me, resting her head in my chest as I wrap my arms around her, soothingly brushing my fingers through her hair as we listen to Billy continue. She seemed so lost, so broken, so vulnerable. I hold her for the rest of the ceremony, rocking her gently, her cries quiet and soft, holding onto me tightly.

 **Carla**

"Thank you." I accept the drink off Ali, taking a long gulp of it. Somehow, I'd ended up wedged between Barry and Helen, Ryan sat with his arm around Michelle on the sofa opposite us in the Rovers.

"Where's Johnny and Kate?" Ryan peers around the pub.

"Gone for some fresh air." I hesitate before raising a shaky hand, holding my sparkling water in the air. "Uh, to Aidan. Thank you for all being the best family he could ask for, and thank you for all coming today." I clink my glasses against theirs. Although it was Michelle's side of the family, we all went back so far together, and I knew Aidan would be touched to see the family turn-out. "I'd also like to say a thank you, since I haven't had chance and... This might be the last time I see you all together for a while. So, I'm so appreciative of you all, you know, accepting me into your side of the family... Again. I know everything might seem quite fast, but... Well, I sort of like this one." I tap Michelle's hand and she tilts her head, smiling contently. "I promise I'm going to take care of her and treat her right. Starting with our honeymoon next week, so get packing you."

"I love you." She mouths, as there is a gush from Barry and Helen.

"Well I'd just like to say that... I know we've never seen eye to eye..." Helen turns to me and I feel a wave of nerves as we engage eye contact. "But, well that stops now. I shouldn't have been so hasty towards the idea. I guess I was shocked... And I know we've had our differences in the past but quite honestly, current difficulties aside, I've never seen my daughter so happy. I'd like to draw a line under everything and start a fresh, if you want to?"

"Helen, that's all I want." I warm at her words, allowing her to take my hand for a moment. "Thank you."

"Ok this is all a bit soppy for me now." Ryan drones. "Where's the current music? You know? A bit of Drake, R'n'B?"

"It's a wake." Ali hisses. "Besides, this is classic stuff."

"I don't think Aidan listened to music from the forties." Ryan retaliates.

"Oi you." Michelle nudges him. "This was coming up to the nineties, I remember when it came out. Covered it in my school leavers assembly."

"Yeah exactly, it's old then." Ryan scoffs and I take a moment to laugh at his comment, before pointing at Michelle.

"Hey, I remember that." I reminisce. "Me and Liam actually made an effort to return to that dump to watch you. Mind you, we got chucked out straight after."

"Why?" Ali seems interested and I glance at Helen for a second, running back over her speech and coughing awkwardly, which he picks up on. "So... How does it feel to be married?"

"Nothing new." I joke and Michelle narrows her eyes at me. "Except this time around they're much higher maintenance."

"You proposed." She reminds me and I link our fingers again.

"No, really, it still hasn't sunk in yet and I thought it would feel strange to begin with." I explain, mainly to her. "But I just feel so content. Like everything has finally fit together. And I'm incredibly lucky, so, so lucky. So yeah, the future's looking up." I look up towards the ceiling, raising my glass again every so slightly, as if reassuring Aidan. "I'm happy. So happy."

* * *

"Hi, you." I feel a hand on my back as I stare down the street, turning to meet Michelle's gaze. "How you bearing up?"

"Oh I'm alright." I shrug as she rests her head on my shoulder, slipping her arm around my waist. "You?"

"Eh." She just murmurs and I kiss the side of her head, breathing in the calming scent of coconut and jojoba, whatever her shampoo was infused with. "That was really sweet, what you said to my family. Your family."

"Yeah?" I murmur into her hair. "I am sweet, get used to it."

"When you want to be." She teases and I nudge her playfully, causing her to emit a giggle. "Look." I hear her swallow, pulling away and taking her hands in mine. "Aidan would be so proud of you. I mean that. You were-"

A loud bang sounds from the air and immediately she is cut off. I see her expression overwhelmed with fear and surprise. Her hands jolt away. Hair flies around her face as she stumbles backwards in shock, whipping her head around to track the noise.

"Chelle? Michelle?" I start to stress as she erupts into panicked tears, her breathing intensifying as she backs against the wall, eyes being thrown everywhere. "Michelle, calm down, it's ok."

She starts shaking uncontrollably, fighting for breath, slipping down the wall of one of the houses, stuck between freezing and trying to scramble out of apparent danger.

"No. No. No." She starts to repeat over and over, tears staining her cheeks. There's another bang and she lets out a terrified scream, causing me to fall to the floor opposite her, kneeling down and cupping her face in mine.

"Michelle listen to me. Michelle." I try to hold back the shock of seeing her in such a state. "It's a firework. It's a firework, ok? You're safe."

"Make it stop. Make it stop." She covers her ears with her hands as another is released and I don't remove my hands from her face as I look around for the source of the noise.

"Ryan?" I shout, my eyes falling to where he is at the top of the street with Kate, Sophie and Rana. "Ryan, cut it out!" I yell, as he prepares to release another one. He notifies my voice, stopping instantly when he sees the scene in front of him and rushing over.

"Oh God, what's going on?" He worries, as Kate follows him over.

"I... I..." Michelle stammers, fighting for breath as I try to calm her down.

"Rana?" Kate yells, and she's over with us straight away, crouching by my side to inspect her.

"Mum, I'm sorry." Ryan stresses. "I didn't think. We were releasing some fireworks for Aidan-"

"It's not even dark." I snap at him.

"Ok Michelle, just breathe with me, alright?" Rana instructs her. "Inhale and exhale, well done."

"You're okay sweetheart." I squeeze Michelle's hand as her eyes shift back to me, confusion swelling in them amongst the fear. "Fireworks. It's just fireworks."

"I... I want to go home." Michelle manages to whisper once she's calmed down. "Please, I don't want to be out here. I want to go home."

"What should I do?" I glance at Rana, wanting to take her to the right environment in case it happened again.

"The trigger of the firework bang has caused her to have an anxiety attack." Rana explains. "It's not shocking, these kinds of triggers are very common after a trauma like Michelle has experienced. It's a form of PTSD."

"What?" I knew I'd heard the term before but in the moment of madness, couldn't summarise it.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder." Rana explains, as Michelle finds my hand and I brush the hair out of her face. "It may be a one off case-"

"I haven't got that." Michelle decides, her voice weak.

"I'm not saying you have." Rana gently calms her. "I'm not diagnosing you with anything. I'm just helping you to understand what probably influenced the panic attack."

"...Because it reminded me of then." She swallows, looking at me for comfort.

"Mum, I'm so sorry." Ryan apologises again and she shakes her head.

"It's not your fault." She tries to pull herself up and I stand, holding my hand out to help her. "I just want to go home. Please, Carla."

"Ok, ok." I pull her into a hug, noticing how her body was still quivering. "We can go home."

 **Michelle**

"Nice bath?" Carla's voice sounds as soon as I've clicked the bathroom door open, my eyes falling to the Indian food on the counter. "Oh, I ordered some food. Thought you might be hungry."

"...I ruined today." I murmur and she shakes her head. "It was Aidan's day."

"Michelle, you can't help what happened." Carla reassures me, coming over and running her fingers through my damp hair. "You haven't ruined anything, ok?"

"I am quite hungry." I mumble, gazing at the small smile that crosses her lips.

"Yeah?" She kisses my forehead. "You smell amazing... Is that new shower gel?"

"Yeah it's the one you bought me for my birthday. I never got around to using it."

"Well I have good taste." She pulls away, tapping me on the nose. "Clearly."

"Smooth." I just smile slightly, falling into her chest for a moment as she wraps her arms around me. "My dressing's coming off now I've been in the bath."

"Want me to change it?"

"Height of romance, this." I sigh and she studies me. "I have a hospital appointment tomorrow."

"Ah, yes I did remember." She glances at the calendar. "Because I pushed Sid Altree back for you."

"Oh I can't stand him."

"That makes two of us then. But he's a good client, you don't have to come."

"No I will... If I can make it out the flat without having a meltdown." I follow up, putting my head in my hands. "God, I'm so pathetic."

"You are far from pathetic." Her voice is almost stern with assertiveness. "You're so brave. Give yourself some credit."

"You held up really well today."

"I cried on you for most of the service." She avoids my gaze for a moment, as if ashamed. "Now who's the pathetic one?"

"Not you. Never you." I whisper. "He was your brother."

"Yeah well, he'll be up there calling me a big softy." She shrugs, even though she had very little belief in the afterlife, but it provided a comfort for her in recent passings. "Anyway, food."

* * *

"I just feel so stressed out." I wipe my face with my hand, lying in Carla's lap as I delete the emails clogging up my phone. "Invoices from wedding venues, I haven't had the chance to chase up any of my clients. My solicitor has tried to contact me several times, God knows what that's about. Social services, social services... Weatherfield General newsletter, wow, that's when you know you've had too many accidents, it's like I'm in a hospital club or something."

"I never got one of those." She almost sounds envious as she peers over my shoulder. "What do social services want?"

"Peter's probably contacted them about the adoption process." I sigh, too tired to open them now as I flop my phone back into my lap. "I had a phone call with them a few days ago regarding some custody meeting we needed to attend."

"You never said."

"Well you've had a lot on your plate."

"Yeah, and so have you." She taps my phone. "Look, we've got the holiday next week. Just put everything on hold for then and we'll deal with it when we come back."

"Come back to even more mess." I groan. "Ugh, that's another thing, I haven't even thought about packing... Or shopping... Oh, I've probably got nothing to take."

"You're really stressing over a holiday now?" She raises an eyebrow which I tilt my head to witness.

"No... But I'm stressing over what I'm gonna look like." I mutter, biting my thumb nail as I wait for her response.

"Ey?" She nudges me. "You'll look beautiful whatever you pack."

"I don't think I will." I admit. "Wearing a bikini with all my stitches running up my stomach. I bet everyone's gonna stare at me."

"I'm not disputing that people will stare at you, but I don't think it'll be for those reasons." She kisses the top of my head. "Besides, we're in the same boat. Hm? I've got them too."

"What a mess we are, hey." I dare to joke with her, rolling over so I was lying flat on her chest. "People'll think we're two of those rag dolls, you know, with the stitches."

"I don't care what people think." She says bravely, although I could tell she was nervous at my words. "...In fact it didn't even cross my mind until you mentioned it."

"I'm sorry." I whisper, brushing a finger down her cheek. "Oh God... I need to stop." I bury my head in her chest. "Why am I so pessimistic lately?"

"Ok, stop stressing." Carla shakes me gently. "Chelle?" She persists, as I keep my head firmly lodged in her pyjama top. "Michelle Connor, stop being so stubborn." Slowly raising my head, I meet the meaningfulness of her emerald orbs. "You're going to look beautiful, alright? I won't be able to take my eyes off you... Or control myself... Seeing you flounce across the beach in hardly anything."

"You've seen me in a bikini before." I manage a muffled laugh. "Remember our holiday to Malta all those years ago? Just after Dean died, Paul booked it for me, you, Liam and him to cheer me up."

"Yeah, I remember." She muses, the thought clearly now stuck in my head. "...And I remember when you came down to dinner in that red see-through thing... That was nice."

"You were married to my brother." I prompt her, finding it amusing all the same. "And probably flirting with the other one."

"Yeah... Didn't stop my eyes drifting."

"Your eyes did not drift!" I exclaim. "You had no idea back then!"

"Really? I had no idea? Ok, so I didn't feel jealous when that bloke from the surf hut took you for a ride on his jet ski?"

"Maybe you just wanted to ride the waves-"

"And I didn't stare at you the entire time when we sat on the beach, staring at the stars?" She swallows, as if confessing her feelings for the first time. "You caught me looking."

"And you said it was because it was good to see me smile again."

"Yeah, it was." She assures me. "...As well as the way the moon illuminated your cheeks and your hair fell back over your shoulders and the butterflies I got when you found my fingers in the sand." I stop arguing, realising the emotion behind her words, the things I never thought she picked up on. "...And I was so glad Paul told us to go off somewhere together, alone... Yeah, maybe I didn't know why then, but I do now... But that night you looked so insanely beautiful and I remember thinking you must be really attractive, because I couldn't understand why else I stared at you the way I did. I remember listening to you talk about life, as you stared up at the sky and every word you said I questioned why you were the only woman I'd never pushed away. Well I don't need to question it anymore... I was in love with you. I just had no idea back then."

"...Wow." I murmur, trying to formulate some response to her revelation. "...I wonder if I've still got that red see-through thing."

"Shut it." She nudges me, giggling into the kiss she plants onto my lips. "Not long now, hey? And it's me and you. Just me and you."


	29. Paradise

**Chapter 29:**

 _ **Trigger warning: Sexual content.**_

 **Carla**

"Did you chase Jameson's about that order?" I tap away at my keyboard, sending an email to several clients informing them of our leave.

"Yes, I did." She points at me in recognition, and I raise my head to where she is leaning forwards on her desk. "And yes, they've now doubled it."

"Ey, good going girl." I flash her a proud smile and she flicks her hair off her shoulder. "Only issue is we won't be back until shipping day."

"I've spoken to Sally, she said she's 'fully capable of taking on the challenge'."

"Oh, she would be... Your seat'll still be warm when she gets herself nestled in here."

"Speaking of which." A sigh is released as she pauses, flexing her hands on the desk. "...This whole Alya thing-"

"No, Michelle." I respond before she has the chance to finish her sentence, clicking my pen on and off for effect. "I'm not taking her back."

"But she knows the business really well, the best after us and... Aidan. Plus, that'll give Sally some support."

"The girl stood here and told me Aidan would be ashamed of me." I keep a brave face on it as I indicate to the door. "She's a spoilt brat, Michelle. I don't want her back here."

"Ok, ok. It's your business." She raises her hands exasperatedly, leaning back and chewing on the lid of her cup, as my eyes draw themselves up to meet hers again.

"No, it's our business." I give in, reminding her of the factor she often forgot. "Equally our business now."

"We haven't had the will through yet. He'll have given his shares back to you."

"Well even if he has, you're my wife now. Fifty to you, fifty to me." I shrug, and she can't help the small smile that sinks into her cheeks. "What's mine is yours and all of that. I trust you fully anyway. This is the real thing now. You and me."

"You thought you and Peter were the real thing. You gave him fifty."

"Nothing like reassurance, baby." I raise an eyebrow, as she shifts her feet onto the desk and I narrow my eyes.

"Fifty to me. I make my own rules."

"Don't rub it in." I tap them back off again and she giggles contently, going back to her computer for a second as I watch her, hoping she wasn't aware my gaze was so interested in taking her in.

"Mrs Connor? Can I have a word?" Sally taps on the door and I swing my chair around to face her.

"Which one?"

"Well... Both of you." Her eyes snap between us. "Looking forward to your honeymoon?"

"Is that the word you wanted, Sal?"

"Well... It's two things actually." The typical polite but irritating grin coats her cheeks and I draw my eyes back to the order sheet on the computer, already bored at her request. "You see, I've got a mayoral meeting this afternoon. It's at that new posh hotel, you know? The other side of Weatherfield. It's an opening ceremony followed by canapé sampling. I've been asked to-"

"So you need this afternoon off?" Michelle intervenes, noticing my expression as she swings around on her chair. "Well I suppose it's the least we can do as a thanks for taking care of this place while we're away. You enjoy yourself."

I raise my eyes to flash Michelle an impressive smirk. "And next?"

"Oh and also, um... Alya Nazir's outside, she wondered if she could have a word with you?"

"No." I respond bluntly, ticking off the to-do list in a bid to distract myself.

"I think it's about discussing her job role."

"Well, Carla's decided she no longer has a job role here." Michelle states with an element of professionalism in her tone. "So, I can write her a reference, if she needs one."

"Right." Sally just nods, proceeding to leave before lingering around, a hand firmly placed against the door frame as the same nosey look passes over her face. "...Lovely place, Malta."

"You've been?" Michelle frowns, drifting from the idea to avoid making further conversation. "When?"

"Well... No, I haven't been as such. But I've seen some gorgeous pictures... And... Videos." She hesitates, acknowledging that I, in particular, wasn't bothered about her explanations. "So which hotel are you-"

"Bye Sal." I dismiss her and she awkwardly turns, slipping out of the ajar door and closing it firmly behind her. "Who interviewed you for this job because they were right in thinking you'd make an excellent business partner."

"Nah." She shrugs my joke off, leaning forwards to balance her head in her hands, her eyes dipping seductively. "I just wowed them with my many, many methods of persuasion."

"Michelle Connor. I forbid you to be so forward in our place of work."

"Well in exactly three hours." She flicks her head around to intake the time on the clock. "We won't be in our place of work anymore and I'll be able to be as forward as I like." Her eyes fix back on mine as I swallow slightly, narrowing my eyes as I kick her feet gently under the table. "But I guess some things are worth waiting for. Yeah?"

 **Michelle**

"Ooh, going somewhere nice?" Kate's voice sounds, as I lean back against the taxi Tim was loading the baggage Carla was passing him into. Striding along with her hand linked with Rana's, it was possibly the brightest I'd seen her since Aidan's passing. "You excited?"

"Yeah it'll be nice to get away." I wave to Rana in greeting, feeling Carla's arm hook around my shoulders, shifting her sunglasses onto her head. "Gotta put up with this one though."

"We need a holiday." The huff in Kate's tired tone causes Rana to face her. "Sun, sea, se-"

"I've heard Malta's lovely." Rana cuts her off abruptly, throwing a hand over her mouth as Kate chuckles into her palm. "I'd love to go."

"Good for the LGBT community." Kate slides her foot into the side of my leg, excitedly, as if we were going with the intentions to pull somebody else. "I went years back."

"Did you?"

"Yeah... Azalea Abitresi." She gazes off into the distance for a moment, as I exchange a look with Carla.

"Who now?"

"Holiday fling." The question pulls her back to reality, prompting a nudge from Rana. "Yeah I'll never forget that holiday."

"Right! Well, I'd like to think we're going for very different reasons." I move my fingers to brush the piece of blossom out of Carla's hair. "Don't think we'll be hitting many clubs, will we babe?"

"Don't think we'll be leaving the bedroom." The words are uttered under her breath and it sends a rush of goosebumps up my arms as a slight smirk tugs at her cheeks.

"You ready then or what?" Tim's demands finally sound, and I turn to realise he has been listening unenthusiastically to the recent notes of conversation. "You'll miss your plane at this rate."

"Mm, and she's gonna need at least an hour in duty free." Carla pecks me on the lips, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she passes around to the side door.

"Have an amazing time."

"Thank you." I kiss Kate on the cheek before pointing a finger authoritatively. "Please make sure Ryan behaves himself. If there's word of any parties at our flat, you text me and let me know."

"Like you'll be able to do anything from two thousand miles away." She tilts her head cockily, clearly tempted by the idea herself. "He's too old for house parties now anyway."

"It's Ryan. He's never too old for anything."

 **Carla**

Given the setting of a busy airport, especially on the brink of summer, I was surprisingly content watching Michelle spray tester perfumes on her wrist and trying on sunglasses despite having packed three pairs already. Granted, I'd travelled and caught enough planes to spontaneous destinations on countless occasions, so in comparison, this trip felt rather relaxing.

I weave my hand through her hair briefly as she judges her reflection in the mirror, running her finger along the shelf. It was a distraction for her. Security had set her on edge, as did the buzz of the airport. Calming her down had proved a task in itself, and I was very aware her anxiety could strike again at any point. Keeping Michelle at ease and happy was my priority for the next ten days, weighing up in my mind whether Rana's suggestion of seeking medical advice will be a necessary persuasion when we return.

"You ok?" I whisper in her ear, planting a kiss against it and she turns to smile at me, removing the sunglasses from her head and placing them back on the rack.

"Yeah." Her voice is so soft and sweet as she slips an arm around my waist, the sandals on her feet dropping her a few inches below me, due to the wedges on mine. "Sorry I'm being a stress head. I'll be fine when we get there."

"Uh, listen to me." I tilt her chin upwards as her eyes deepen, scanning mine. "You have any worries at all, tell me. Ok?"

"I don't want to annoy you."

"You do that anyway." I shrug playfully and she flashes me a withering look, pulling me in to kiss her. "There's kids staring at us."

"So?" She raises her eyebrows, pecking me again before pulling back to acknowledge the group of children trying to subtly gaze at us over the large Toblerone bars in their hands.

"You're not having that." One mother takes it off them, placing it back onto the shelf and I feel Michelle wrap her fingers around mine, leading me, finally, out of duty free.

"Which one of us is gonna be the strict parent?" The words sink into my mind, trying to figure them out for a moment. I was still trying to piece together the reality of what we were to face when we got home. 'Parent' was a term I'd never contemplated being associated with myself, never mind Michelle and I as a pairing.

"Wow..." Is all I muster in response, as we amble around the corridors of the airport with no destination in mind. "...Probably you." I finally reconcile, with a hint of conclusion in my answer. "I used to bribe Simon with chocolate."

"Ooh, save that one for social services." She teases, her eyes drifting around almost involuntarily. I study how they travel left to right, a quiet cough emitting her lips as she glances over her shoulder.

"Do you want a drink?" I break the silence as her head whips around to face me, calming when she witnesses my expression. "There's a bar over there."

"Yeah, a triple vodka."

"Calm down." I soothe, making my best efforts not to sound patronising, which is far from what I intended. "You're in the safest place, hey? Everyone here has been searched from head to toe."

"Is it stupid that... Even though I know he's dead, I have this constant paranoia that he's going to come walking out of a shop or I'll sit down next to him at the gate?"

"No, because I was exactly the same after everything with Tony." I reassure her comfortingly, guiding her over to a nearby table as she takes the seat opposite me, her back to the wall. "Every time the buzzer went in my flat I wanted Trevor to get it. But I knew he was dead. I'd witnessed it with my own eyes. You just need to keep reminding yourself of that and eventually, with time, sweetheart, it'll seem more real that he's gone and less vivid that it happened." I reach for her hand across the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You're safe."

"...Well I might have a cocktail." Her eyes divert from mine to the menu resting on the table before her, as she raises it in front of her face.

"Oh might you?" I watch the smile paint itself back on her face. "Well I suppose you are on holiday after all."

"Quite glad you splashed the cash on this honeymoon now." Her expression brightens as she leans forward, hair travelling down her back loosely as she fixes her gaze on mine. "You're still paying for these though."

 **Michelle**

"Ok, this is insane." I click on the LED lights that coat the ceiling like stars, despite bright sunlight travelling through the balcony doors. For a moment I feel so free in the height of luxury, dumping my suitcase and pacing the large suite Carla had done, as expected, a remarkable job of picking out. "Oh look at the rose petals on the bed." I pick at one of them, lifting the whole rose from the pillow and practically skipping towards her as I hold it out for her to take. I felt like a little kid. As if all my worries were invisible for he time being, completely clueless of them all.

"How romantic of you." She narrows her eyes playfully, taking it from my grip and slipping it through the gap in my hair, fixing it loosely against the soft curls that fall around my shoulders. "You seem happy."

"As if I wouldn't be, have you seen this place?" I leave her embrace to admire the surroundings again; the long oak desk, king size bed with gold and purple covers to match the overall colour theme of the room. Taking a few steps forwards, I slide the balcony door open, the warm sea air soaked against my skin as my newly bare feet pad along the marble tiles. Leaning against the balcony, arms folded on the stone wall that protects me from the drop, I gaze out at the world before me. Blues of the wild ocean swimming against the greens of the surrounding scenery. The definition of paradise.

To my surprise, I don't even jump when I feel Carla's arms around my waist, although I could tell she was hesitant and gentle, so as to not scare me. "You like it then?"

"It's perfect." I whisper against the calming breeze, closing my eyes momentarily to absorb the echo of distant laughter and soft crash of the waves. "You did good."

"I know." She taps my nose as I turn to face her, sighing as I take in her beauty, the safety and love she was indulging me in. "See, this is how married life is supposed to start."

"Don't you think it's mad?"

"What? That six months ago, I was dying and you were in a relationship with Robert Preston?" Carla inserts for me, my eyebrows unintentionally raising at the mention of the subject. "Quite a turn around, isn't it?"

"For the better." I kiss her, humming as I taste the sweetness of her lips, which causes her to emit a soft laugh. She continues to kiss me, pulling on the hem of my top as she guides me backwards inside the suite. Suddenly, I feel her hands slip behind my thighs, hoisting me up with strength I wasn't aware she had and allowing me to fall back onto the bed. "Carla!"

"You're beautiful." She stops my giggles by pressing her lips against mine again, lowering her own body onto the bed next to me. Our embrace continues for a few minutes, ending when she pulls back to witness how my hair was fanned out on the bed, eyes staring back at her lovingly. "You ok?"

I move my head to kiss along her jawline, threading an arm around her neck as I guide my lips towards her ear, nibbling gently which I can tell sends a rush of goosebumps cascading against her skin. "Stop worrying." I whisper the words seductively, nipping back along her jaw and down to her neck.

"We've only just got here."

"Yeah well get used to it." I feel her laugh softly as my fingers dance over the hem of her top, pulling it up over her head and pushing myself up onto her after removing her bra. There's no resisting my actions as she removes my own, undressing me passionately as the kiss intensifies.

"I've been waiting for this the whole flight here." She admits, her voice breathy and lustful which tugs on my desire, running my fingers over her silky skin. "I couldn't wait to be alone. See you like this again."

"Like what?"

"That look in your eyes." She releases me for a moment, studying my face with her own concupiscent expression. "This." She traces a finger over my cheekbone, letting her hand fall through my hair before grazing her lips against my cheek. "When you crave me so badly."

"Bit full of yourself, aren't you?" I gasp the words as her nails stroke against my thigh.

"Like I crave you."

"Badly?"

"So badly." Her hand falls flat against me, toying with the lace of my underwear before trailing it down my legs. "...We haven't even checked out the bathroom yet."

"Carla, just... Please." I shake my head exasperatedly, a sigh of desirous urgency leaving my mouth as she laughs softly. "Stop that."

"Ok, have it your way." Each word rushes against my skin as her lips move downwards, trailing her tongue down my skin as I throw a hand over my scar defensively. She pauses, kissing it and entwining her fingers with mine, tilting her head up to face me and reminding me I'm beautiful. I swallow, letting it fall away to grip hers, as she proceeds down my body, kneeling at the foot of the bed. The warmth of her tongue coincides with the heat of my core, as they greet one another welcomingly.

My grip tightens over her fingers, my other hand falling against her scalp as I pull myself up slightly, gripping her hair gently as I watch her movements. The rhythm and curl of her tongue sends pulsation rippling inside me, unable to keep quiet as I mumble to myself, opening and closing my fingers in her hair at the rise and fall of sensation.

"Want me to stop?" She teases me, pulling back to gaze at where my mouth was partially open, eyes weak with arousal as I push her head back into position demandingly. It causes her to laugh again, the vibrations only increasing the wetness that is building between my legs.

"Mm, Carla?" I tap her spare hand, urging her to work her tongue around my clit, as she guides her fingers into me. "Yes..." It's involuntary as I gaze up at the ceiling for a moment, shifting my hips against her and moaning loudly. I know she's probably urging to release some witty comment about the walls being thicker in the honeymoon suite, but due to my building orgasm and possession of her tongue, she allows me to win this time around. I beg her to go faster as I feel her actions increase, throwing my head back and climaxing suddenly as her fingers curl inside me. I sense her licking the residue that's been released, attempting to regulate my breath before pulling her back towards me, tasting myself against her lips for a moment. Knowing I'd only increased how turned on she was herself, I don't delay time in shifting myself on top of her, desperate to taste her and pleasure her the same way she had me. "I love you."

 **Carla**

I dip my head around the door of the bathroom, watching the way Michelle fashions her hair around her shoulders in the mirror, dressed in nothing but a red bikini. It influences me to swallow in awe, the way her body was so elegantly formed, nothing I could flaw. How I'd never realised I could feel this way about women was beyond me. But it seemed it was just her, above anyone else, and without exaggerating, Michelle Connor was pure perfection.

"Chelle?" I'm careful that my voice is soft, so as to not scare her and I notice her eyes dart to my reflection in the mirror. "You look gorgeous."

"...Thank you." She just responds, despite her arms still being wrapped insecurely around her waist, and I exit the bathroom fully, the white lace kimono I had wrapped around me dancing across the room towards her.

I proceed to smother her in kisses between the muffled words I place into her skin. "Stop... Covering... Your... Beautiful... Body... Up."

"I'm not that's the whole point." She sighs, gazing at how I'm holding her in the mirror, wrapping my fingers around hers. "I'm completely exposed."

"Mm... Good." I murmur and a smile tugs against her cheeks. "Hey, see." I persist with her, tickling her chin playfully before hesitantly pulling her arms away from her waist. "Believe me, you look breathtaking. There's nothing to feel paranoid about."

She just bites her lip nervously, guiding her eyes down to the scar on the right side of her stomach.

"Chelle, I'm really nervous too, I'll admit it." I whisper weakly and she turns to look at me, eyes focused on mine as she lets a finger fall through my hair, grazing it across the lace covering my shoulder. "...Matching wedding rings, matching stitches."

"Shut up." She grins slightly at my defensive humour, placing a lasting kiss against my lips. "This is pretty." She pulls on the lace of my kimono, admiring it. "And also sexy."

"Tell me how I'm supposed to cope seeing you in a bikini for ten days." I tilt my head to the side, mirroring the small smile on her cheeks. "So, sun?" I spin around to sling the bag over my shoulder, throwing a bottle of water at her as she pulls a long chiffon cardigan around her shoulders, which she only manages to catch at last minute. "If you feel uncomfortable at all, tell me, ok? We can come back."

"You're not such a hard faced cow anymore, are you?"

"Nope." I lace our fingers together as I pull her towards the door, spinning around smoothly to step backwards as I face her. "You've softened me. Hope you're happy with yourself."

 **Michelle**

"Can I get you a drink?" An unfamiliar voice makes me jump suddenly, almost choking on the mojito I was sipping from a straw as my head whips around to face the muscular, tanned bloke leaning on the bar next to me. For a second, I just stare back at him with a perplexed expression, trying to internally calm myself as I figure out what to say.

"...I've got one." I bluntly point to it, tucking a loose wave of hair behind my ear. It had lightened in the sun, now tinted blonde, as my skin had tanned, causing an array of subtle freckles to blush my nose. "But thanks."

"Boyfriend?" He jumps straight to the point and I try to prevent a cough of unwanted assumption to tickle my throat, just shaking my head. "Ah, excellent." He slides into the seat next to me and I make a particular effort to shuffle further away from him on my own. "Well you're the most beautiful woman I've seen in this hotel... Although your friend is gorgeous as well." I notice him point behind me, shifting my gaze to where Carla has appeared, leaning on the bar top as her dark locks fall elegantly against her tanned skin. "Hello."

"Alright gorgeous?" Carla intervenes, tilting my chin up to kiss her and I can't help smiling as she does so, releasing her to intake the shocked expression on the bloke's face, who is plainly gawping at us. "And you are?"

"Just talking to..."

"My wife." Carla nods proudly as I raise my hand, indicating the wedding ring as his eyes dart between us and Carla winks at me. "Ooh, having fun?"

"Not really, no." I blush shyly as she kisses my forehead. "But I am now you're here."

"I'm just gonna... Have a nice holiday." He awkwardly removes himself from the stool he is slung over, skulking off.

"Honeymoon, and thanks." Carla calls after him, and I turn my full body to face her, still rested on the stool as she rests her elbow on the bar.

"Happy with yourself?"

"Yep." She grins, kissing me again for extra measure. "Sorry, it's only natural to get protective when my wife looks like this."

"You look... Stunning." I admire the deep red floral sun dress which clings to her figure, emphasising all her best assets and trying to stop my eyes drifting to the cut away of her cleavage. "Really... Wow."

"Eyes up here, babe." She tilts my chin to face her and I narrow my eyes, taking her hand as she helps me off the stool. "And for the record you look amazing." Her hand falls against the soft cotton of my white maxi dress, gold embroidery decorating it. "And smell amazing." Her lips fall to my neck as she breathes in my scent and I can't help laughing against her skin as she moves backwards, my head turning in the direction of where the bar tender was giving us a sideways glance.

"Ugh." I mutter under my breath. "We're in love, deal with it."

"You coming for dinner then or what?" She diverts my comment, letting our fingers latch together which I have no intentions to object to. "What do you want to eat?"

"You." I murmur under my breath and she nudges me childishly, unable to stop a giggle escaping at my comment. "Um... I don't know, surprise me." My body turns to face her excitedly as we walk. "Hey, get this right and I might marry you."

"Oh don't give me an ultimatum like that." She whines sarcastically, as I tap her nose, reverting back to her side as I rest my head on her shoulder. "Hey, we could go to the beach later? When it's quiet and the stars are out?"

"Stars are coming out now, look." I point a finger to where some of the brightest ones are beginning to form, as we head along the sandy pathway, blossom trees shrouded with bees and butterflies lining the journey. We walk in silence for a while, listening to the hum of nature and the distant crash of waves, combined within the soft trudge of our footsteps. "...Do you think if I hadn't have thrown the pint over Toyah Battersby, we'd be here now?"

"Hey?"

"Well, would you have kissed me? Told me how you felt?" I remind her, moving my head to gaze at the side of her face as she deepens her thoughts towards the distance. "I mean, we wouldn't have gone back to mine."

"I'd still have got around to it."

"You make it sound like its picking up your dry cleaning." I wrap an arm around her shoulders, planting a kiss into her hair and she smiles at the thought. "Is that what I am? Dry cleaning?"

"Not when I'm finished with you."

"Stop." I whine playfully.

"Ooh, another thing you rarely say."

"Carla!" I scold her, laying my chin against her shoulder and gazing at her expectantly.

"Well it'd have happened sooner or later? Wouldn't it?" She gives in, squeezing my hand as we round the corner into a street of bars and restaurants. "I can't imagine we're solely here because of a pointless scrap in the Rovers. You seem a lot more calm and content."

"I am." I agree, swinging our hands lovingly as we pace down the street. "Must be your influence. Come on then, where are we eating?"

 **Carla**

"Seriously, I hate sand." I nudge my foot against Michelle's knees, where she's just sprawled herself across the beach, staring up at the stars. Her stresses of her hair getting messed up, or clothes getting dirty were clearly non existent, and that was something I found particularly attractive as I study the rise and fall of her chest.

"Well you're on holiday so..." She thumps the sand next to her. "Sit down."

"You're drunk." I practically sing and she furrows her brow, tilting her head to watch me reluctantly lower myself to the ground.

"I'm not drunk!" She retorts, as if I've majorly insulted her, pausing as I raise an eyebrow. "Maybe just tipsy... Too many cocktails."

"As long as you're enjoying yourself." I run a hand through her hair as she pulls herself up, practically crawling into my lap as I fasten my arms around her.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Of course I am."

"You don't seem like you are." She comments quietly, tracing a finger along my jawline like a child. "You're very quiet."

"Don't be silly, I'm in absolute heaven." I place a kiss against her temple and she calms slightly at my admittance. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how I'm going to get you home." I tease her, running my hands up and down her bare arms and taking my cardigan off to wrap it around her shoulders. "You're cold."

"You'll be cold."

"I'm alright." I shrug, slipping her arms into it as she smiles in gratitude. "I'm thinking about the future, if you must know. How mad everything is going to be for the next few weeks. How crazy it is that this has all fallen upon us."

"You know if it's moving too fast for you, we can take a step back?"

"By doing what? Getting divorced?" I wind her up harmlessly.

"No." Her eyes roll in response, playing with my fingers in the darkness. "I just mean, you know, if you want to delay the adoption process."

"I don't think Peter's up for waiting." I point out. "But I don't want to delay anything. I'm excited, just nervous as well."

"Well we're still in paradise for now. No screaming babies to deal with." She decides, settling back into me and staring at the sky as I rock her gently. "See that one there, the really bright one?"

"Hm?"

"That's the North Star." She recites her knowledge, pointing her finger in the direction of it and I can't help smiling, my lips broadening silently as she turns to look at me. "What?"

"You told me that when you were eleven." I remind her, despite her clearly having no recollection. "You'd learnt it in school and we were lying out on the field behind the estate. You were so proud of yourself."

"Wait..." Her face crumbles in thought for a moment, blurry lines of intoxication and distant memories phasing her. "I remember, because you said that..."

"That one day we'd be looking at it from a completely different place. Our lives would be completely different. Either together or apart. But still the same star."

"Together." She repeats, the word so soft as she squeezes my hand, only noticing the tear trickling down her cheek as a result of the highlighted moon beam on her face.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah." She turns to face me, shifting her body around and holding her fingers up to indicate; "I think maybe I am a tiny bit drunk."

"Good job I'm here then."

"Will you look after me?"

"You know I will." I laugh softly, kissing her forehead as it lowers into my chest, comforted by the protection of my arms around her. "You know I always will."

* * *

"I actually think it might be hotter here than in Malta." I fan myself as Steve loads everything out of the taxi. "Has it been like this the whole time?"

"Eh, dunno." He just shrugs.

"How do you not know?" Michelle comments. "Even you're not that thick."

"Well I'm in the flippin' cab office half the time." He points to it exasperatedly as Michelle raises an eyebrow at me. "Honestly Michelle, what have you got in here?"

"Duty free." She leans up against the door, observing the suitcase he was hauling out of the boot. "And... Other necessary items. Which came in handy."

"Alright." He pulls a face, dragging it towards her and glancing at me awkwardly. "Right well... Bye then."

"Hey, I'm just gonna pop to the factory." I wave the keys at Michelle once we've dumped our suitcases into the flat. "Then I'll take you for a drink."

"Carla we've just got back, Sally can manage."

"I want to check the Jameson's order has gone out. You know, they won't be expecting us so we can catch them if they're running riot. You chill out here."

"Nah, I'll come with you." She rises from the sofa again reluctantly and I can't help my tongue easing itself temptingly over my teeth as I admire how the deep tan of her skin parallels the white of the sofa. It just emphasised her beauty even more. Our phones vibrate in sync as we head out of Victoria Court, sun beating down on the cobbles, tinting them in a shroud of golden light. "Kate needs to talk to us."

"Oh, probably wants to be bored with our holiday snaps."

"She sounds quite urgent."

"Well tell her we'll meet her for a drink in a bit." I pace up the steps of Underworld, the usual squeak of the door like music to my ears. Don't get me wrong, Malta had been sheer luxury, but there was always a comfort in the sense of familiarity of the business I had worked hard to build up. It was my pride and joy, and having my best friend run it with me again was a blessing. I had my two favourite things in one place and felt so indescribably lucky. "Hey!" I greet the staff and they all look up sharply from their machines, Sally clutching a clipboard to her chest as she takes a step forward. "Before you all ask, yes, we had an amazing time and yes, you've all been bought chocolate from Duty Free. Don't say we're not the best bosses in the world." I plaster a grin on my face, throwing my arm around Michelle as I eye up Sally's hesitant expression. "You ok, Sal? I thought you'd be in the office, making the most of your temporary authority."

"Well, there's a business call in progress..."

"Ey?" I frown. "A business call with who? Hang about... Who's even making the call?"

"Me." The office door flies open and my eyes fall to where Alya is stood with her hands on her hips. The smile slips from my face, arm falls from around Michelle, thumping against my side.

"Get out." I scoff, taking a step forwards as the attention is focused solely on the heightening drama that collides between us. "Thought you'd smuggle your way back in, did you? While we weren't here to make sure everything was ticking over? I thought you had more about you, Sal."

"Oh no, don't you speak to our staff like that."

"Our staff?" My voice is borderline hysterical, as I narrow my eyes menacingly. "...Look, I don't know what you think you're doing here, or who you think you are-"

"Well let me just clarify that then; I'm here because I'm entitled to be." A smug smile crawls over her face, as she folds her arms across her chest and I glance at Michelle, who's expression is as confused as mine is. "And, who I am? Well... The machinists here have been referring to me as Miss Nazir, but since we're in this together now, Alya's fine."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Aidan's solicitor has been in touch." She announces, smartly, holding an envelope out. "Meet your new business partner."

The room falls silent, Alya's hand descends back by her side as I bitterly take the paper within her grasp. I glance around the array of awkward expressions, opening it up and scanning the title on the front of the envelope.

 _The Last Will and Testament of Aidan Connor._

"...You've got to be kidding me." I mutter under my breath, as Michelle steps forwards, peering over my shoulder. The sharp swing of the factory door hardly even intervenes the dread of my thoughts, until Kate is at my side, flustered and out of breath.

"Carla? Oh." Her eyes glide down to it, biting her lip worriedly as she shoots a glare at Alya.

"What the hell is this?" I snap, angrily, waving it in Kate's face as she swallows back her earlier desperation.

"I did say I needed to talk to you..." She says quietly, pulling on my arm and guiding Michelle and I over to the corner of the room, pausing before planning to reveal more information I could already tell I wasn't going to digest sweetly. "And that's not the only thing..." Her eyes drift between us. "Eva's back."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Dun, dun, duuun. Plot twist. Gotta keep it exciting haven't I? Let me know what you think!**_


	30. Heat

**Chapter 30:**

 _ **A/N: So, this is all a bit messy. I was going to insert a scene with the Connor's discussing the factory, but as I was being pestered for updates, thought I'd upload this and try and cover it a bit more in the next chapter. I think I've got a lot going on in this, I've given myself too much to handle and so it's not the best chapter, but wanted to update. Also, in regards to Carla and Ali's conversation; Ali and Michelle have had a lot less interaction in this in comparison to the show, so I'm going to develop that further and have them have a chat about Ruairi later on. Finally, I'm going to do a twitter poll on the baby situation, I can't decide what route to go down, pros and cons of both. For now, enjoy the chapter!**_

 **Michelle**

"I don't believe this." The words leave Carla's mouth, paper flying out her grip as her hand shoots up in despair. The silence of the factory simmers around us, stares gawping in our direction. Through trying to get my own head around the two bombshells we had been hit with within fifteen minutes of arriving home, I try to clear my mind in order to jump to Carla's aid. "Tell me this is a joke!"

"Ok, baby, calm down." I try to take her hand in mine, keeping my voice levelled. "Getting stressed out isn't going to do any good-"

"Oh I'm stressed out, Chelle." She snaps her head around to face me, hair flying around so fast it could give her whiplash. "I've just been told that I've lost my factory and my niece."

"You haven't lost the factory. You're still part owner." I rub a hand up and down her arm comfortingly, not giving up in trying to settle her. Daring to bend down, I pick the paper up off the floor, unravelling it with my shaky fingers. "See, he's left her forty percent. You're still the boss. Your shares are the same, it's me who's lost mine-"

"Ah, see, that's where there's a slight problem." Alya steps forwards, the sharp clack of her shoes against the tiles taunting as they approach us. "You see, the solicitor still has your shares on file. So as it stands, Michelle still owns thirty percent. And since I now own forty, that leaves you with-"

"The same forty percent I already had!" Carla shouts in her face, which doesn't even make her flinch. "Aidan doesn't even have forty percent to give away! He owned thirty. Michelle owned thirty. I owned forty."

"He must have written this before he even gave me the shares." My eyes dart over the paperwork. "When he still owned forty and you owned sixty. Maybe before he even knew about us."

"Well it's all there in writing. You can't contest it-"

"You're really going to stand there and rub it in with that smug smile on your face?" I snap, jumping to Carla's defence, unable to uphold the collected manner any longer. "Her brother has died! This factory is what reminds her of him! You're happy to just snatch that away? For the sake of your own selfishness? To get one over on us?"

"Michelle!" Kate joins in, trying to pull me back.

"Why do you always think everything is about you?" She continues to jibe, a cocky tone to her voice as her eyes dart between us. "Particularly her." She points insultingly at Carla. "Strutting around in her stilettos, thinking she's he queen of the street. Everyone has to bow down to her, everyone has to follow her rules, every drama, every heartbreak. It's all about her. Well this is about me. Excelling myself, sticking up for what I believe in. And I promise you now, I'm not backing down."

"Yeah. We'll see." Carla whispers menacingly before turning on her heel and storming towards the door. I shoot Alya a severe glare before following after her, Kate not far behind as the factory door swings shut. "Just when I thought I was getting somewhere. Getting past..." Carla forces back tears, pacing the cobbles outside the factory in shock and hysteria. "I thought things were piecing themselves together again. I thought it was going well. I thought I could actually have everything. A stable marriage, a business between us, a good home life, a child... This always happens." She cracks, briefly acknowledging Kevin and Tyrone's stares from the garage, as I pull her in, letting her cry into my shoulder.

"Hey, you've still got me. Ok? I promise we'll sort this out, sweetheart." My fingers run themselves through her hair soothingly. "It's all going to be alright. We'll sort it." I cup her face in my hands, the tears glistening on her cheeks as she stares back, craving my determination. "We're going to sort this. Ok? Ok."

 **Carla**

"Sweetheart, please don't cry." I hear the softness of Michelle's voice as she exits the bathroom, tears sliding down my cheeks as I give in to strength. I'd lost two of the three elements of my future in the space of a few hours. It was genuinely crushing. I felt heartbroken. I felt so sad. My eyes level with hers as she kneels down in front of me, brushing the tears from my cheeks, noticing the sonogram photo clutched in my hand. "We'll get the business back. You heard the family, it's ours. Nobody else's. If we all pull together I'm definite there's a way of removing Alya from the equation."

"It's not just the business, Michelle." I sob, my thumb sliding over the black and white image rested in my lap. "I love Underworld. I do. I'm so grateful for all the reassurance and support we've been given over it... But Michelle, that was the part of our future I was less excited for. And the thoughts going over my mind the last few months have been scary, but I've kind of liked that. I got myself set on something I couldn't have. I should have known that. I should have known not to get my hopes up."

"Darlin', what are you talking about?" Her eyes are so deep and meaningful, despite the fact we both knew what I was relating to.

"I actually thought... We'd have a family." I admit, and she dips my head into my lap for a second before regaining strength and moving it back up. "It sounds so unlike me but as soon as I got my mind set on the idea, how realistic it seemed, how simple. I wanted it so badly, Michelle... I want a baby."

"...Carla, you're jumping to conclusions." She sighs, keeping her gaze on mine as she brushes the hair out of my face lovingly. "Nobody's said we can't have a baby."

"Michelle, Eva's back. She's her mum." I struggle to swallow the bitter lump in my throat at the word. "I know we haven't spoken to her yet but... We've got no chances over her. She's changed her mind and she's taken it away from us."

"If you want a baby, adopting Suzie isn't our only option." The words fall out of her mouth, and I spend a moment to decipher what she means, tears freezing on my cheeks as she releases a small, comforting smile. "...We could have a baby of our own."

I've never heard the flat so silent; my mind so consumed on her revelation that the ticking of the clock is irrelevant. For a while, I debate whether to crack a laugh, assuming she is joking. But I could tell from her expression, the tone of her voice, this was far from a joke. And I knew her, I knew our pasts, I knew that this, of all things, was never a humorous matter.

"...Say something."

"...I don't want you to have to do that for me."

"Who said I didn't want to?" The words echo between us, hands tightening over the photo as I momentarily glance down at it. "We're not getting any younger, Car. But we could, you know? At least we could try."

"Yeah, _try_. I tried once and it didn't work. I couldn't do it, could I? It'd happen again."

"Where's all this negativity coming from?" I recognised the tone of her voice so well, the caring melodic warmth, so gentle it calmed me.

"It's not negativity is realism." I admit. "I've never been able to carry a baby to full term."

"Once... Carla." She phrases it very gently, although I knew nothing she said could anger or upset me. Everything she was telling me she was relaying with good intentions. "And I couldn't... Once."

"I just don't think I'd be able to do it. Something would go wrong."

"Well then I'll do it." I'm surprised at the seriousness of her words, how genuinely they were being spoken.

"...Michelle." I sigh, my eyes fluttering closed for a brief second. "You said you didn't want to carry anymore children after Ruairi."

"But I would. For you. For us. I would. I will." There's another silence as we stare at one another, soaking up the shock of it all, trusting and listening, meaning and believing. "If this is the kind of person I've brought out in you, I couldn't be more proud that you're mine. I've never respected somebody so much. And I've never trusted my future with someone so believably. If this is what you want, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Nothing is going to stand in the way of our happiness. Ok? Nothing."

"...You're actually being serious, aren't you?" I ask, despite knowing the answer before the reassuring nod of her head. "Wow."

"I'm sorry, it's scaring you." She starts to panic, sitting back slightly and swallowing her confessions awkwardly.

"It's not." I tilt her chin to face me, as she frets by playing with the zip on her skirt. "It's not scaring me." The words are so final as her eyes meet mine again, silently conveying everything to me. "...I'm shocked. Shocked at where this has suddenly come from. Shocked that you're actually considering having a baby with me."

"You make it sound like a chore. It's the opposite, it's a dream, Carla. You can put yourself down all you like but believe it or not I have every faith in you. In us. And quite honestly I can't imagine there being anybody else in the world I'd want to raise a child with more. I want a family with you too. I want it all; the sleepless nights, teething, first steps, school gates. I want it with you by my side. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I can't... Believe I'm hearing this."

"I'll shut up now before I embarrass myself anymore." She snaps out of her dreamy trance, proceeding to get up. "I'll go and make you something to eat, you're probably starving-"

"Michelle Sinead Connor, have I ever told you how much I love you?" I pull her back, sliding off the sofa and onto the carpet as I close the gap between us. My hand slipping through her hair, I pull her in for a kiss, both knelt on the floor. "I love you. I love you. More than anyone else... You know, back on that council estate when we were teenagers. When I was working my magic on Paul, when I had a clear idea of how things would work out between us. I always felt something vital missing. I knew it was never him. It was his sibling. And until a few months ago, I always thought that was Liam. I thought Liam was the love of my life, even through Peter, even through Nick... But it wasn't Paul's brother. It was his sister. It was you. It's always been you, Chelle." I whisper, tipping my forehead against hers. "And now the woman I am completely besotted with is telling me she actually wants to have a baby of our own. And I feel like somebody completely believes in my ability. The person who matters the most. Do you realise how incredible that feels?"

"Yeah." She nods, thumb grazing my cheekbone affectionately. "Because it's all I want too. And that woman is sat in front of me telling me all the same things." She kisses me again, popping a few short pecks on my nose which makes me smile playfully. "Listen, alright? We'll talk to Eva tomorrow. We'll see where we stand. And I will fight our corner, Carla. I'll take this to court if I have to. Because if a woman who lies and gives her baby away without a second thought for her father and his grieving family, is a suitable mother to a child, then we've got more than enough chances. We would give that little girl more love and opportunity than Eva ever could. I have no doubt in my mind that you would be the perfect person to raise her. And then if that doesn't work out, when my throat aches from shouting the truth, we've got plan B. We've got modern day medical technology and we've got us, hey?" She smiles as she wipes a stray tear from my cheek. "Don't cry. I made a vow to give you everything you ever wanted and I'll stick by that. I promise you."

"But we haven't got forever." I murmur, linking my fingers with hers. "You said that yourself."

"No, but we have got tonight. So, no more tears." She decides, standing up and holding a hand out to me. Raising my palm to hers, I interlock our grip, allowing her to pull me to my feet. "So, let's scan the very bare cupboards and see what I can knock together for dinner."

 **Michelle**

"Morning." I hold my hands out proudly as Carla appears in the bedroom doorway, eyes falling to the cooked breakfast on the kitchen counter.

"You made me breakfast." Her head tilts to the side, a loving expression on her face as she approaches, evidently in a better mood than yesterday.

"Well I just thought, dinner wasn't great last night because we need to do a food shop." I explain, as she wraps her arms around my waist. "And I mean, it's missing sausages and mushrooms but... I was going to go to Dev's and get them but... I wasn't keen on going out on my own. I know that sounds completely stupid but you said you wanted me to be honest with you about this." I study her expression, internally shuddering at the thought. "You're thinking 'Michelle get a grip', aren't you?"

"Well then we have a serious problem if that's how well you know me." Carla raises an eyebrow, not over-reacting about my confession which settles me slightly. "Is that what I'm thinking?"

"...No."

"So what am I thinking?"

"That the breakfast looks nice?" I try to inject some humour into the conversation.

"I'm thinking... Sweetie, that we should put the problems with the factory and... Babies, on the back-burner until we've dealt with what's going on in here." Carla taps my head. "Together."

"I'm fine." I lie, although I had to admit I was feeling slightly more comfortable than originally. But looking over my shoulder every thirty seconds when out on the street was beginning to frustrate me more. "We've got bigger problems."

"Nothing is more important than your mental health, Michelle." Carla's voice is almost stern and it glues my lips shut as I scan the firmness of her expression. "So, Rana said if this hadn't cleared by the time we got home, we needed to go to the medical centre."

"Love it how you say 'we'. I'm the one who's screwed up and can't act normal when someone touches my shoulder or a car alarm goes off-"

"Yes, 'we'." She cuts me off. "Because you aren't doing this on your own. You helped me through my illness."

"This isn't an illness!" I snap, suddenly bewildered at the word, hating the assumed diagnosis she was implying. "I'm not ill, Carla. I'm just..."

"Traumatised."

"That's another over-dramatic word." I mumble, trying to calm myself as I fiddle with the ties on her pyjama bottoms. Feeling her finger under my chin, I give in, allowing her to tilt my head up to face hers. "I don't want to be like this."

"Then you've got to get some help, babe. And yes, that's me saying it. _Me_ , who would always shy away from turning to medical help."

"Yeah because it's scary. And it's easier giving somebody else the advice when you don't have to follow it yourself."

"I'm not going to sit here and pretend this isn't happening, Chelle. I'm not going to let you hide away inside your head, filled with anxiety whenever you leave the flat. I'm not letting you be scared. So, we're sorting this." She softens slightly when she sees my expression, a flicker of guilt flaring in her eyes at her defiance. "I'm sorry. Sorry, sweetheart. I just don't want to see you put yourself through this when I know there's people who can help you. Like Ali? Hey? Why don't we meet him for a drink? Just have a casual chat."

"A casual chat?" I scoff quietly, knowing I could dig further with some defensive sarcastic comments but refraining from doing so. "I'm too tired." Instead I slip myself past her, feeling the loosen of her grip as I head into the bedroom, the tempting waft of breakfast drifting away as the door closes behind me.

 **Carla**

"Thank you for meeting me." I slip into the booth of Speed Daal, glancing around the restaurant. I hadn't dined here before, but the place had a lively atmosphere. Bright colours made the room seem friendly and warm, quiet chatter of content customers settling my stomach.

"You make it sound like its an urgent medical examination at the hospital." Ali manages a small laugh, cutting the possible tension that could still linger between us. He had a very mature mindset, however. More-so than the majority of men I had been with, and he was almost half their age. Albeit only knowing him properly for a few months, he seemed like the kind of person not to dwindle over past mistakes, and we'd both, with time, decided to put the incident behind us. "I got you a drink." He pushes it forwards, the cold mist of condensation rising against the glass, colliding with my fingers. "Alcohol-free cocktail. I don't know where you stand with it at the moment, but I thought it would be rather un-professional of me to decide otherwise."

"Thank you." I smile, warmly as I take a sip, infusions of ginger and carrot tickling my tongue, refreshing me. "Wow, that's really good... Zeedan learnt some decent skills from Nick's training."

"And Sophie's doing a good job of carrying it on in his memory."

"He's not dead." I laugh, as his grin widens for a moment, gradually dissipating as he proceeds to move the conversation along.

"I'm sorry for how I acted when I arrived here."

"Really, it's ok-"

"No, it's not. That's not me. I shouldn't have forced myself on you, it's disgusting and I'm genuinely really sorry for how things came across."

"I know it's not you." I sigh, drumming my fingers on the table for a second. "Despite not knowing you long, you are my... Step-son. You're a good person and I'd just like to put it behind us. Clean slate."

"Thank you." He nods sincerely, taking a sip of his drink as the smallest smile graces his expression again. "Step-mum."

"Let's just stick to Carla and Ali, shall we?" I pat his hand gently. "So, back to why we're here."

"Oh hello, Sophie didn't tell me I'd have the pleasure of serving Mr and Mrs Neeson on their date this afternoon." Ryan's cackle invades the conversation, my head snapping around to face him, Ali's expression falling like a thunder storm.

"Ryan." I warn him, pointing a finger strictly. "I can so easily make a complaint on their Friend Connect page."

"But you won't." Ryan preens, ruffling my hair as I push him off playfully. "Because I'm your favourite nephew... Oh, sorry." He deliberately slips up, flashing a look at Ali.

"She's your step-mum now." Ali inserts, rolling his eyes subtly and folding his arms on the table.

"Nah, she's always been my auntie." I can tell it's another dig, which Ali does well to ignore. "Whether she's shacked up with my mum or not, that won't change."

"Alright." I pull a face, scanning the menu quickly. "Just get me this... Cajun salad. I'm trying to lose the holiday weight."

"What holiday weight?" They both chorus, exchanging a distasteful look at their likeness and I glance between them, low-key amused as Ali huffs, folding his menu up. "I'll have the same Ryan."

"No problems, bro." He grins, taking our menus chirpily.

"I'm not your bro." Ali calls after him sourly, sulking like a teenager for a few moments in his absence, before realising I was staring at him intently. "Sorry, where were we?"

"You two ever gonna get on?" I wave my finger between him and where Ryan was now slumped over the bar, drumming his pen on the table, clearly having forgotten what he was planning to do one minute prior to this moment.

"We're very different people."

"But Michelle loves you both." I point out, softening my tone as I catch his gaze. "These past few years... She's lost a son, she's gained a son. I think having you back has really mended a part of a huge hole she hadn't been able to fill since Ruairi died..."

"...Who's Ruairi?"

The room falls silent, the chatter in the background no longer ringing in my ears as I feel my blood run cold, my heart beat faster.

"Carla... Who's Ruairi?" He scans my expression for answers as my mouth falls open. Why had I made the assumption he knew? Where was my right to expose Michelle's most important memories? "...You said she's lost a son?"

"I'm... So sorry... I thought you knew." I stammer, unsure where to even take this from here. "You should talk to Michelle."

"Carla." I can hear the hint of desperation in his voice and it's what keeps me glued to my chair, stopping me from running away like I always did. "Please."

"...Michelle's son... Your brother." I begin, my throat aching in reluctantly to release the words, seeing the attempts at concealing the hurt and realisation in his eyes. "She lost him last year... At birth... He was her and Steve's baby."

"I had a brother?" He repeats in shock. "An actual brother?" His eyes dart to the table as he tries to process the information, sealing his mouth shut for a mere second, before furrowing his brow in thought. "No I... I remember noticing something on the medical records when she was in hospital. I didn't want to look into it properly because it wasn't my place but..."

"I shouldn't have assumed you knew. I'm sorry. I don't know why I thought you would have... Stupid me." I bury my head in my hands. "She'd probably hate me for telling you. Especially like this."

"She'd never hate you for anything. Adores the ground you walk on." He relays quietly, clearly still thinking over the big bombshell I had unintentionally dropped on him. "I can't believe I didn't know... I mean, I'd heard things, people's comments in passing conversation. I don't know, it never clicked in my mind."

"I think... This is partly why she was so surprised to see you around here. She's found you after so long and that means a lot to Michelle, after everything, she was completely heartbroken and you and Ryan being back has helped mend that. She really does love and appreciate you so much."

"I've treated her so badly... If I'd have known."

"It's understandable. _She_ understands." I reassure him. "Besides, it's hardly an abnormal reaction. I can't believe many people in that situation would kiss and make-up quickly. But you've made so much progress. You and Ryan could do too."

"Ugh."

"Please, Ali." I beg him, and he tilts his head up again to absorb my pleading eyes. "It would mean so much to her. Especially at the moment. I think it would have a more positive impact on her mental state if you two got along."

"...She's still struggling then?" He picks up on another one of my accidental insights, pushing his near-empty glass to the edge of the table as I suck on my straw, nodding in response.

"That's mainly why I asked to see you." I jump back to the original reason I was here, and as if clearing his head of unexpected news, he shakes it slightly, rubbing his eyes with his fists before composing himself. "I thought maybe the honeymoon would refresh her mind a bit... But Rana suggested before we went away that if this was still occurring when we got home, she should visit the medical centre."

"So what's been happening?" He narrows his eyes, smoothly transitioning into his more professional state. "Talk me through."

"She's on edge a lot. Panics when somebody touches her unexpectedly, loud noises sound, whenever she sees the Bistro it triggers this wave of anxiety that she tries to hide. I only know as much as she's told me and what I can pick up on but I don't like seeing her terrified at times. I know how it feels to constantly stress and be crippled with fear after something traumatising happens. I don't wish that upon anyone, especially her. I just want her to be happy and safe."

"Has she had anymore panic attacks?" He remembers, thinking back. "Except the one before you went away?"

"Not so much just... Anxious moments, times when she's been on edge." I admit. "Sometimes I feel like she could do, though. I feel like one tiny thing could set her off and if starting to worry me."

"It sounds like... And I mean, this isn't a diagnosis. I shouldn't even do this outside of work. But to me, it sounds like a case of PTSD."

"That's what Rana said."

"Hopefully, we'd be looking at a more mild case, but we can never write it off as that, it's very common for the illness to fluctuate; some days you'll be fine, some days you lock yourself in the bedroom and refuse to leave."

"We're not quite there yet." I tap the table. "Touch wood."

"Like I said, I can't make any medical decisions based on what you've told me. I'd need Michelle to undergo a proper appointment, answer questions in the professional environment for an accurate diagnosis to be made."

"That's the thing. She won't go." I sigh, searching him for help that really, only Michelle could allow herself to find. "You know what..." I flex my hands on the table, sitting back slightly and preparing to spill my thoughts out to the man I hardly knew. "Our honeymoon was absolute bliss. We sat there on the last night on the balcony as the sun set. I looked over at her, she had this white flower in her hair, no makeup on, but so effortlessly beautiful. I must have stared at your mother for about ten minutes, while she looked off into the distance. And I thought; 'this is it'. Thinking things could only go up from there. We'd arrive back to a business, a family, a future, healthy, happy lives and Michelle would have moved on from her panic after he time away... I was so wrong. It's all a mess. Who was I kidding, ey? To think everything could be perfect for me, for once. It never works out like that. I need to accept it."

 **Michelle**

The sun burns through my coat as I slip across the street, keeping my footsteps light and my head down. The heat was so intense, prickles of discomfort cascade down my arms and legs, causing my skin to feel raw and dry against my clothing. A layer of sweat was formulating across the back of my neck, my palms were sticky, feet stinging and smouldering as they cling torturously to the sole of my shoe. A vest top, shorts and sandals would have been suffice. But I felt too exposed and it had taken me a good hour to force myself out of the flat as it was.

My eyes are drawn to the Bistro as I pass, despite the willpower I had tried to uphold, shuddering as the door flies open, an elderly couple meeting the couples with cheery and contented smiles on their faces following a somewhat enjoyable meal out. I pause, eyes fixating on the solid door as it swings shut, the short sharp thud echoing dramatically in my ears. Inquisitively, the woman eyes up my tired eyes, unbrushed hair and poor choice in weather co-ordinated outfit. I probably looked a state, the sympathetic smile didn't surprise me, but didn't offer me any kind of emotional warmth, despite the building exhaustion of heat.

Dragging my trance away, I stumble one foot forwards, ignoring the pleading from the blistered flesh that battled against the heel of my boot. Driving myself towards the steps of Underworld, I let out a sharp exhale halfway up, tongue un-salivated as I realise it's urgency for water. Why was I punishing myself like this? I felt like I was stranded in the deserts of Egypt, halfway up a pyramid, aching from the effort injected into placing one foot in front of the other. The lack of desire to reach for the door is decomposed as it crashes open, rebounding off the wall and nearly knocking me back as I let out a panicked shriek.

Breathing suddenly rapid, I try to steady the pounding of my heart, the pulsation of the fear crippling in my body, combined with the dehydrated heat.

"Mrs Connor? Sorry." Kirk suddenly stammers, the concern in his expression wavering through my glassy haze. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, Kirk." I manage to force our, regaining myself and relieved I hadn't toppled backwards down the stairs. "Just be careful." I shortly add, storming past him with a burst of energy, most likely stemmed from the buzz of anxiety the panic had rewarded me with.

"Ah, I'm glad you're here." Alya's cocky gaze comes to meet mine as soon as I push the office door open, immediately confused as she scans my appearance. "Bit hot for that coat, isn't it?"

"What's it to you?" I try to keep my voice levelled, folding my arms defensively and she furrows her brow for a moment, sifting through the papers on her desk and composing herself once more.

"Anyway, since this is our business, I thought I'd keep you up to date." She adds a false brightness into her tone. "I've informed all our current clients of the new set-up."

"...Don't act like we're in this together. Carla's got more involvement in this business than both of us."

"Nope." She flicks her hair back, flashing me a professional smile. "You and me own forty percent each. She's entitled to the remaining twenty percent."

"You can't be serious." I scoff, closing the door behind me to shut out the gawp of machinists. "Carla's a sixty percent shareholder."

"She was." She nods, looking down at her paperwork to act busy, upholding the friendly tone as if I was going to jump to her side, abandoning the needs and desires of my own wife. "Bit of a mix up at the solicitors, you see. Like I said, your shares are still on file and Aidan left forty percent to me."

"He didn't have forty percent to give away."

"He did when he wrote the will." Her tone is slightly more sharp and I bite my tongue, tempting the sting to calm my anger.

"You really think I'm gonna stand for this? Really?" I snap. "Carla's my wife. What's mine is hers anyway. I'll sign my shares over to her in an instant. Then that makes her your boss, once again."

"No, that makes her my partner." Alya sounds distasteful at the idea, but continues the sickly sweet look on her face all the same. "And for now, you're my partner so... Saunders of Sunderland, is that the nearest deadline we've got?"

"Why are you doing this? Why do you hate Carla this much?" I take up my original seat, the cool of the leather calming the sweltering waves that have been rippling against my skin. "She's grieving, Alya. This isn't fair."

"I haven't done anything wrong." She shrugs, although her face cracks subtly at the mention. "I'm just taking what I'm owed, as Aidan clearly wanted."

"Aidan told me the night of his death, that he wouldn't want anybody else running this factory. He told me he had belief in Carla and I-"

"And you didn't twig?" She has the audacity to ask me, my expression dropping as my mind momentarily blanks out at her question. Noticing the distance in my eyes, she gives a small, irritating wave, as if trying to retract me back to reality. Her presence made me sick and uncomfortable. I wanted her out now.

"Right, what do you want?" I grab the cheque book from my desk drawer, throwing it down on the oak surface and scribbling out a name desperately. "How much?"

"Excuse me?"

"For your shares. How much?" I persist, staring at her so intently we can almost feel the heat from one another's gazes. "I'll write you a cheque right now."

"I don't want money." She assures me, a hint of hysteria rising within her voice. "I want the business. My role in this business."

"This isn't your business!" I shout, my eyes welling up in frustration. "Aidan wanted me and Carla to run this place together. She's built this place up through the years, almost died in here numerous times. Through all her struggles and heartbreak, this is the place that has been her escape. It's kept her going." I swallow, my throat like sandpaper as I weaken. "Please. Alya, I am begging you. Please."

"Michelle, I think you should go home, get some rest and when you come back in the morning, we'll start a-"

"Do not patronise me!" I yell, standing up abruptly, anger rippling through my veins. "You at a selfish, spoilt, stupid little girl. Who doesn't understand the first thing about grief."

"I've lost my mum, my dad, Aidan-"

"Aidan didn't give a damn about you!" I finalise, the words flying out my mouth before I can stop them. It was heat of the moment infuriation, but the hurt flickers visibly in her eyes.

"Go home." She just dips her head, dismissing me like a child and I loiter for a moment, fist clenched, cheeks flushed from shouting. "Michelle please just go."

I don't say anything in response, just turn on my heel, slamming the door as loudly as I could behind me and forcing myself towards the exit. I could scream. I wanted to run away to somewhere so remote and desolated and just scream my lungs out. Despite them being exhausted and satiated.

Heat hits me again as an intense blow as I reach the steps of Underworld. I was half hoping a cold, refreshing wind, but once again the sun rays enrapture me and my head begins to spin with dehydration. When did I last drink? When did I last eat?

Catapulted from my questioning at the thud of a crate being dropped onto the cobbles, my distressed eyes swerve towards the lorry unloading by The Kabin. Another loud bang. Another shot of worry. Another. And another. And another.

The colours of the street swim before me, blues and yellows of Tyrone's house standing out as they become a messy mixture of rejected paint, swished around the blank canvas like a bored child, unaware that the collision would produce a lifeless, dull brown-grey. The mistake I make of closing my eyelids was instantly regrettable, the burn of heat seeping against them as my eyelashes rest upon one another.

"Mm..." I just mumble, as a sharp pain shoots through my head, stimulating an agonising ache, instigated from either lack of water, lack of sleep or an overload of stress and anxiety. As the pulsating pain sinks behind my eyes, I feel my body weaken, gravitating forwards, a wave of nausea racing through me so vividly that I feel my feet leave the ground.

 **Carla**

"Listen, ok? It'll all be fine." Ali pats me on the back as an attempt at comforting affection. "I'll talk to her."

"Look, thanks for everything." I smile as we walk down the street, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "And sorry for off-loading on you, I'm sure you don't need it."

"Isn't your flat that way?" He points towards Victoria Court.

"Yes, but I'm giving you a lift to the hospital." I nudge him. "It's the least I can do after you've listened to me."

"It's really not a problem-"

"Mrs Connor?" Fiz races up to me, panic on her face as she rounds the corner. "Oh thank God... We, uh, we don't know what's happened." She stammers, pointing at Ali. "We need you too. She's unconscious."

"Who?" Panic rises inside of me, willing her not to say the name I knew was playing on her lips.

"It's Michelle, she's collapsed outside the factory, fallen down the steps, I don't know-"

"Oh God. Oh God, no." I pick up my pace, running in the direction of Underworld as Ali's footsteps echo behind me. "No, no, no." I repeat as I see her, lying lifeless at the bottom of the steps. I throw myself down, fighting through the crowd of people gathered around her. "Michelle? Chelle?" I shake her gently, my hand falling in the pool of blood her hair is soaking in. "Shit. Ali!" I yell, as he kneels at my side, tears stinging my eyes as I take her hand. "Is she breathing? Tell me she's breathing."

"Hold on." He pauses, running his fingers over her wrist to check the pulse, and dipping his head closer to her. "She's breathing."

"Oh thank God." I start to cry, desperately trying anything to reach some kind of conclusion, think of what actions to take. "Has somebody called an ambulance?"

"Why is she wearing this coat in this weather?" Ali keeps his voice calm, trying to remove it and lowering a hand to her forehead. "She's got a serious temperature. Perspiring. Weak, rapid pulse. It's heat exhaustion I'd assume."

"What?" I stare at him in panic. "Is that serious?"

"We need to move her into the shade if we can." He urges, avoiding my question which I knew wasn't a good sign. "It's the worst thing to be in this sunlight."

"I thought we weren't supposed to move her?" I remember from all the accidents I had witnessed, supporting Michelle's head as Ali manages to remove her coat, pressing down her bare arm to measure something. "She's going to be ok, isn't she?"

"Is the ambulance on its way?" He calls behind, to where Tim was stuttering down the phone, responding with a nod. "Ok... Ok." Ali lifts her into his arms, moving her further over to the shady patch by the garage, Tyrone looking on worriedly. My eyes fixate on the pool of blood she had left, the ache in my throat intensifying. Why had I left her at the flat? Why was she here in the first place?

"What is going on out here?" Alya appears, folding her arms defensively as she claps eyes on me.

"Why is she here?" I release my panic and shock on her, taking a menacing step forwards as she acknowledges Michelle, surprised. "What happened?"

"I... What's going on?" Alya stresses, dismounting the stairs. "She left angry but..."

"Left angry?" I repeat, my eyes flaring. "Why?"

"Carla?" Ali calls, interrupting my infuriation, as I see him beckoning to me. Leaving Alya, I head over to his side, kneeling down as I notice Michelle stirring. "She's asking for you."

"Hey, sweetheart." I take her hand in mine, as her eyes flutter open a proportion, trying to register a voice to a face. "It's me. I'm here."

"My... Head hurts." She mumbles, tiredly, slipping in and out of consciousness. "Ah..."

"Try and get her to drink some of that." Ali passes me a bottle of water and I tilt it against her lips, raising her head slightly as my hand is stained red. "Tim, can I have the phone? Hello... Yes, I'm a trained doctor... I suspect heat exhaustion which has triggered a fall."

"Sorry... I'm sorry." Michelle murmurs weakly and I shake my head, holding her close to me. "Sorry."

"Stop saying that." I whisper, grazing a thumb across her forehead. "You're ok. You're going to be ok. Do you want some more water?"

"Mm." She just raises a hand to the bottle, propping her head back against my chest to sit herself upright. I chose a bad day to wear a white top, but I didn't care in the slightest as long as she was ok. For the second time in a matter of months, her blood was on my clothes. It wasn't the way it was supposed to work out. None of this was.

* * *

"You need to stop doing this to me." I breathe a sigh of relief as I enter the ward, taking a seat next to Michelle's exhausted frame and drawing the curtains across. "In the wars again? We're spending too much time together."

"I'm glad you're here." She swallows, reaching for my hand as I give it a gentle squeeze. "Had... Lots of needles... In and out."

"Oh Chelle." I sigh, placing a longing kiss against her forehead, which was no longer burning as much as it had been. "What were you doing at the factory?"

"I wanted to talk to Alya. Try and make things right."

"In that coat? It's the hottest summer we've had since seventy six, darlin'." I remind her quietly. "It's scorching outside."

"I didn't... Want to feel... Exposed." She admits and I soften, staring at her intently.

"Did Alya say or do anything to upset you?" I ask defensively and she just shakes her head, her eyes falling closed as she leans back against the pillows.

"I feel sick." She suddenly stresses, searching around and I grab the cardboard bowl that was next to her bed, placing it in her hands as I pull her hair back just in time. Rubbing her back in circular motions supportively, I comfort her as she continues to throw up into the bowl, not afraid of letting her barriers down.

"Ok?" I whisper in a caring tone and she nods, screwing her nose up at the scene. "I'm gonna call someone." I press the button on the wall, trying to force my eyes away from the liquid she was holding, saving my awful gag reflex.

"Is anyone else here?"

"Just Ali." I assure her. "I haven't told anyone else. I've been too worried about you." I weave my fingers through her knotted hair, taking in the stitches sewing up the wound on her head.

"Everything alright?" A nurse enters, her gaze darting between us as I merely point at the bowl Michelle was still gripping. "Oh, I'll take that."

"So sorry." I apologise for Michelle as she hangs her head and the nurse shakes her head warmly, flashing me a small smile before leaving. "Anyone would think you're just really hungover."

"Well it must be a very bad hangover to feel like this." She winces, raising a hand to the back of her head. "Ah."

"Don't touch." I interlink her fingers with mine, lowering her hand again and she sighs, staring at me. "Else I'll have to get you one of those cones that dogs have to wear."

"I'm so stupid." She mutters to herself, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist. "I probably scared you."

"Probably? Chelle I was terrified." I admit and she raises her head to gaze at me. "You were boiling hot, baby. You've given yourself heat exhaustion."

"Mm, I can tell from my headache." She winces. "Although that's probably from toppling down those stairs... There were lots of loud noises... I was angry at Alya... I can't... Remember." She trails off, searching my eyes for a moment and sighing in realisation. "I need to get some help."

"I've been taking to Ali, don't get mad at me." I dare to tell her, but she just listens, not a crease of annoyance showing in her face. "About... PTSD. Or at least, that's what he thinks it is."

"I bet this is all you wanted... A car crash wife, so much baggage-"

"Hang on a minute, have you met me?" I raise an eyebrow, holding my hand out playfully. "Carla Connor. Would you like to read my CV of baggage?"

"I don't need to read it, I've lived it with you." She just mumbles into her lap, and I kiss the side of her head.

"Chelle, look at me." I beg and she just sighs like a child, shoulders dipping slightly. "Look at me." I tilt her head to face mine gently, meeting all the hurt and sadness in her eyes. "Exactly, you've lived it with me; you've never given up on me. And I will never, ever, give up on you. Alright? I fall more in love with you everyday, baggage or not. Ok?"

"Ok." She caves, a small smile gracing her cheeks at my words. "Ok, I guess."

"You're cute." I whisper, leaning in slightly as her eyes glisten. "Can I have a kiss? I'll be gentle."

"Mm." She just lifts a finger beneath my chin, smiling as I meet my lips with hers, softly kissing her lower lip. "I love you. Thank you. Thank you for everything."


	31. Support

**Chapter 31:**

 **A/N: Verrrrry soft chapter!**

 **Michelle**

"Are you cold?" Carla faffs, laying a blanket over my lap and I raise an eyebrow, despite enjoying her pampering me. "Do you want some water?"

"Stop fussing." I bite my lip, watching as she guides around the flat, filling a glass and offering it to me.

"You need to keep drinking."

" _You_ need to stop caring so much." I roll my eyes playfully, taking it from her and having a few sips.

"Well that's not gonna happen." She watches me for a moment, lowering herself onto the arm of the sofa and I pause, weighing up her expression. "So, Mrs, you need to look after yourself. Step one in getting you better."

"Ugh." I groan, reaching for my laptop and she follows my movements, looking displeased. "Carla, you can't expect me to sit around here all day. I'm gonna contact Adam Barlow again."

"Adam Barlow?" I sense a hint of jealousy in her tone, her eyebrows arching in wonder. "What do you want him for?"

"Because we're having a saucy affair." I tease in a matter-of-fact tone, staring at the screen before being pelted lightly with a cushion, causing me to emit a soft giggle. "Because I've been on to him about the factory. He's agreed to go over the will with us. Something doesn't add up. From how Alya has stated it all, the initial shares don't correspond with what he's left as inheritance."

"That all sounds very strenuous." She slides down the sofa, almost crushing my legs in the process and I give her a look, lifting them reluctantly as she lays them over her lap. "Alya seems very set in her ways. Are you sure it's gonna do any good?"

"Well we've got to at least try. Besides, when did you ever accept defeat? This is your factory. Don't tell me you're giving in that easily." I give her a playful shove, watching the corners of her mouth crease upwards at my attitude. "Anyway, I'm starting by signing my shares over to you. Or what I'm claimed to have by Alya, which apparently is forty percent-"

"You're not signing your shares over to me!" She argues abruptly and I look up from the screen, peering over at her. "That's your shares of the business. I want Alya's, not yours."

"Yes but, if I give you my forty percent, along with your 'apparent' twenty percent, you'll have sixty, which means technically, you'll be her boss. Majority shareholder and all that." I point out smartly, and I see the look of realisation in her expression. "Hm?"

"Clever girl." She flicks a finger at me, looking impressed with my theory, before retracting it. "Hang on though, why don't I just give you my twenty percent?"

"Because you know a lot more about the business than me." I laugh slightly at the thought. "Like I said, it's your factory. You deserve it. You know what you're doing." I pause as she looks tempted, sighing and pushing the laptop down my legs slightly. "Anyway, the look on Alya's face will be a lot more satisfying when you strut in and tell her who's boss."

"Not just a pretty face are you?" She gives in, smiling at my victorious expression. "But I don't want you distracting yourself from therapy. I told you, your health comes before business."

"Oh Carla. Honestly, I'm ok, Ali's coming over in a bit to have a chat. Really, I'm feeling a whole lot better." Her expression looks a slight bit more convinced. "...Then maybe afterwards we could go to The Rovers for a drink?"

"...Really?" She seems surprised at my idea, but quite pleased with the step forwards all be same.

"Yeah, I want to get out of here." I move the laptop to the table, studying her for a moment. "Come here and give me a kiss. You look beautiful."

"Flatterer." She rolls her eyes, letting me pull her in, shifting the duvet over the pair of us and curling into my side.

 **Carla**

"You feeling ok?" I take Michelle's hand as soon as we leave Victoria Court, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she turns her head to look at me. A soft breeze blows her hair back as she nods, a fresh face of makeup and a chiffon vest top making her look a lot healthier than last time she was out on the street. "I'm here, yeah? I'm not gonna leave you."

"I know." She blushes slightly, looking down at the cobbles as we pace across them, pushing her hair back behind her ear as I plant a kiss on her temple. "I feel safe with you." The words are whispered a lot quieter, as if not wanting me to catch them as her cheeks flush a little more in colour.

"What was that?" I tease her, giving a slight nudge and she moans quietly, daring to look up and face me.

"You heard." She smiles awkwardly, avoiding eye contact as the small, shy smile graces her cheeks. "Ali taught me these techniques to calm myself if a situation should arise. All this square breathing and stuff... I don't know, I feel a lot more... In control, if that makes sense?"

"So you should. You are in control." I push the door open to The Rovers, not letting go of her hand and letting her follow me in. It was quite a quiet Tuesday afternoon. Tyrone and Kevin were stood lingering at the bar, clearly on a late lunch break as they sip on their pints. The creepy looking regular in the peaky blinder cap was sat in the corner as always, staring into space like a figurine from Madame Tussaud's, and Jenny was sat with Rita at one of the near tables, raising her hand to wave in greeting. "Hiya."

"You both alright?" Jenny flashes us a warm smile, although I could tell from her expression that she wasn't in the best of spirits.

"Yeah, getting there." Michelle chips in, as some of the family were now aware of the incident the other week. "Johnny not with you?"

"Uh, no." She swallows awkwardly, glancing across at Rita and it doesn't set me at any kind of ease. "He's having some time to himself... As always."

"Everything alright, Jenny?" I ask, a concerned tone to my voice and she forces a confident nod.

"Yeah just another row. We'll get past it."

"Well make sure you do." I squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. "I'm here if you need to talk at all. And tell him that and all."

"Will do." Appreciatively, she bows her head, prompting me to guide Michelle over to the bar, my fingers still linked with hers.

"Hello." Leanne mumbles in an unfriendly fashion, eyeing us both up. "What can I get you?"

"A more professional barmaid." I dare to dig at her, producing my purse from my bag and she shrugs off my comment. We were never the best of friends nowadays, and it was safe to say Michelle and her didn't get on after the whole Oliver scenario either. But as a result of the Eva and Toyah secrecy, it was obvious she would take their side, which left more unneeded tension lingering between us. "Two red wines."

"Large I presume?" I don't know whether it's even an attempt at a joke, or an insult, but I just nod shortly in response.

"Babe, go and sit down if you want. I'll bring them over." I point to the booth, before realising she's looking towards the back room, eyes fixated on where Eva is stood holding Suzie in the doorway. For a brief moment, I had forgotten she had returned, and it also hadn't crossed my mind that she'd have set up home here. Refusing any emotions to overwhelm me, as I study the image before me, the baby we so very nearly called ours, I let Michelle lean forwards on the bar, staring intently as Eva approaches.

"Hi." She manages a weak smile, eyes darting between us both, playing the innocent. Like butter wouldn't melt. "Uh, how are you both?"

"I know how you must be feeling." Michelle's voice is surprisingly calm as she addresses her, and I awkwardly exchange a look with Leanne, both unaware of what my wife was insinuating. "After what's happened."

"Thank you." Eva murmurs, in a voice so soft it almost makes me feel sorry for her.

"Yeah." Michelle whispers, nodding understandingly. But I could see the hurt in her expression, almost anger, like a dormant volcano trying to prevent an explosion from brewing. "Must have really hurt... Just giving away your baby like that."

"Yeah." Eva nods, and I dip my head, suddenly realising what Michelle was indicating, before the words leave her mouth.

"Probably didn't hurt as much as when I lost Ruairi though, did it?" The pub falls silent for a minute, as Michelle controls the waver in her tone, fist clenching slightly by her side, only visible to me as I take a step closer, protectively.

"No, course not..." Eva swallows worriedly, looking at Leanne for reassurance. "What you went through was awful."

"Yeah it was." Michelle gazes off into the distance for a second, composing herself as her voice becomes more firm, strict, almost intimidating. "Do you know what's even worse though?" She emits a small sigh, forcing her eyes to shift back to her, anger laced in her voice. "Being lucky enough to be able to carry your baby to full term and then just giving it away."

"Chelle... Sweetheart." I whisper gently, placing a hand on her shoulder as she squeezes her eyes shut, pushing emotion back. "Let's go and talk over there, hey?"

"No, I need to say this." She assures both me and Eva, and probably everyone in the pub, who's attention has turned to the exchange. "You didn't even tell her daddy." She leans forward, hurt and frustration becoming evident. "And then her daddy went and killed himself. Now that really is awful. Isn't it?" My hand falls from her shoulder, hit hard by the words, tears I dared not to cry springing to my eyes.

"Chelle, please don't." I beg her and she instantly looks guilty, retracting slightly and pushing her hands into her pockets. "Please."

"Have you finished?" Leanne finally approaches the situation, slipping an arm around Eva defensively.

"Yeah, I guess." Michelle shrugs, bitterly. "Oh and uh, you two are the scum of the Earth and you deserve what's coming to you." I swallow hard, taking a few steps away and dipping my head into my hands as Eva storms off. "Ooh, dear." Michelle plasters a taunting look on to her face. Lacing her words with sarcasm. "Something I said?"

"Michelle!" I raise my voice, and she flinches the slight bit, dragging herself back to reality as she notices the tears that were so close to spilling out of my eyes. "Stop, now."

"Yeah, get out." Leanne orders, folding her arms defensively. "Both of you."

"With pleasure." Michelle hisses, leaning over the bar menacingly before grabbing her bag and storming out of the door. I am stood, weighing up people's expressions for a second, Jenny moving her eyes to the floor, either out of embarrassment, upset, or awkwardness.

"Sorry." I practically choke on the word as I offer it to Leanne, who keeps up the glare she has aimed at me in Michelle's absence. "She's not well."

"I said get out." She reinforces and I nod slowly, taking my bag and lowering my head again as I leave the premises. Why was such a positive situation suddenly converted to a negative one?

"Thanks for that." I snap, as soon as I'm out the building, noticing where she is leant up against the wall, trying to calm her nerve. "That's exactly what we needed."

"Well she needed to be told. Stupid cow."

"And you couldn't think of a more subtle way to do it? Hey? Than shout out personal business over the whole pub?"

" _My_ personal business." She retaliates, whipping her head around to look at me. "I can do and say whatever I want about it."

"Not when you drag my brother into it!" I shout, furious at the stubbornness and lack of empathy she was suddenly channelling. "Not when I'm still grieving!"

"Yeah, ok. I shouldn't have said that part." She doesn't sound the slightest bit apologetic, and it causes me to tear my eyes away, stinging tears brewing in them again. "It was in the heat of the moment. I got carried away."

"Yeah, you did." I finalise, having to walk off down the street to cool down away from her. It takes seconds before I hear her voice again, now panicked, suddenly scared, such an opposition from a second ago.

"Carla, wait." She shouts desperately and I turn on my heel, meeting the pleading look on her face, as she looks lost in the middle of the street. "Please don't leave me."

"Well you didn't listen to me!" I shout back, only a few metres away, but it was enough, enough for her to crumble at the distance. "When I was begging you in there."

"You said you wouldn't leave. Please." Her breathing becomes rapid and I instantly feel ridden with guilt, running back towards her. "Please I'm sorry. Don't go. Don't leave me alone. Please."

"Hey. Hey, Michelle." I try to calm my tone, my emotions settling abruptly, as I slip an arm around her waist. "I'm sorry. Sorry. I wasn't going to. I shouldn't have done that."

"I can't.." She pants, gasping for air and lowering herself to the ground. I kneel before her, suddenly panicked myself as I cup her face in my hands. "...Breathe... Help."

"Chelle. Look at me. You can." I tilt her head to face me, as she searches for comfort. "Remember what Ali told you? He told you how to handle this, yeah? You show me what to do. Teach me."

"1... 2... 3..." She looks off into the distance, as if picturing something as she counts repetitively.

"Well done." I rub her back soothingly, relieved when her breathing starts to regulate. "Hey, keep going. You're doing well." I wait until her panic has resolved into a fit of sorrowful tears, crying loudly and falling into my chest. "I'm sorry... You're ok." I rock her gently, whispering comforting words in her ear. "I'm here. Nothing's going to happen."

* * *

"Thank you." Michelle gives a small, appreciative smile as she accepts the mug off me, pulling her knees up to her chest like a child as she slumps back in the armchair. "...I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said the things I did. I was just angry in the moment and it was all firing out of my mouth... I don't even remember half of what I said..." She lets her head fall into her spare hand as embarrassment overcomes her. "God, I feel so stupid."

"It's ok." I whisper, catching the eye she is peeking at me. "I'm guilty of doing the same many times before. I shouldn't have walked off. That was cruel of me. I wasn't actually going to leave you, you know?"

"You walked a few metres away... And I had a meltdown... That's pathetic."

"Darlin', it's not pathetic at all." I reassure her, dropping my mug onto the coffee table as I crouch before the chair she is sat in. "You're not well, sweetie. It's perfectly normal."

"That's the whole point. It's not normal." She swallows as the urge to cry creeps up on her again. "I want it to stop."

"You're getting there. You took a massive step today." I smooth the hair out of her face, eyes lifting to search mine for comfort and appraisal. "You were the one who wanted to go to the pub. You didn't panic the whole way there. See, you're getting better. It'll just take time. And we've got time, all the time in the world."

"Not if we want to sort the business and... Have a baby." She murmurs, avoiding my gaze suddenly and dwelling on the thought.

"Look, next time you feel up to it, we'll have a word with Eva. A more calm one this time-"

"No... I meant a baby of our own." She practically whispers, blinking as her eyes return to mine, conveying a hint of desperation and longing. Moving her head forwards a fraction, the scent of her perfume becomes evident as I linger in it, her lips softly brushing mine. Gently nibbling my lower lip, she proceeds to kiss me, a hand falling through my hair as I give into her.

"Babe?" I murmur through the affectionate silence, as she continues to move her lips against mine. "You do realise we can't make a baby this way?"

A soft mumble of laughter emits her lips, pulling back so she can dip her head into my chest, falling into my lap and nuzzling my chin with the top of her head. I wrap my arms around her, swaying her slowly in a comfortable silence, listening to the whispered rise and fall of her breathing.

"Ok." The words glide out of my mouth like a steady breeze of wind. Tilting her head to look up at me, green orbs so innocent and full of wonder. "You want a baby? We can try for a baby."

"...What?" She looks shocked at my confession, brow furrowing in a bid to decipher my admittance. "...No, I want you to want one too."

"I do." I assure her, smiling adoringly at the worry in her expression and grazing her cheek with my thumb. "I want a baby with you, Chelle. And I'll carry it for you, so you don't have to worry. Or I'll wait on you hand and foot for nine months. I'll look after you." I kiss her gently. "Whatever you want."

"You seriously mean that?" She sits up slightly, dragging the remaining tears from her cheeks to try and compose herself. "No, this is a big decision Carla."

"I'm aware of that." I laugh, playing with her hair, alternating to massaging her scalp as she settles. "I want a baby with you." I nudge my nose against hers, moving up to kiss her forehead. "But I want to try and pursue the adoption with Suzie, whether that's instead or as well. Eva doesn't deserve her."

"I know she doesn't." Michelle responds firmly, thinking back to her earlier conversation. Her eyes drift to the side as she swallows in thought. "Selfish cow... Imagine giving your baby away when some parents would do anything in their power to bring theirs back. Not even with good intentions... Peter's baby died, you and me both know that's the worst possible thing... And yet neither of them told him. He didn't know for months... It makes me feel sick." She pushes tears back, biting her lower lip to prevent them from falling. "It just hurts because I grieve for my baby every single day, and yet some people don't give a damn about theirs. They don't realise how lucky they are to be so blessed with a healthy child... I don't want to cry again." Her voice cracks as a droplet slides down her cheek. "I'm sorry... I keep crying."

"You can cry." I assure her gently, stroking my fingers through her hair to comfort her. "Hey, come here." I wrap my arms around her shaking frame, planting kisses into her hair as she dampens my top. "It's alright, sweetheart. Cry for as long as you need to. I've got you."

 **Michelle**

"How you feeling?" Carla shoots me a caring glance from the kitchen, as I emerge from the bathroom, hair thrown up in a messy bun on my head. I wrap my dressing gown around me, tying it securely and offering her a shy smile. I almost felt embarrassed, constantly having these meltdowns and mood swings, guilty that Carla had to keep reassuring and supporting me. But luckily, I had a wife who treated me like her absolute world, and would stop at nothing to pull me through my low days.

"Better having slept." I pad over to her, footsteps whispering on the kitchen tiles. "And having a bath, thank you." I meet her open armed embrace, letting them enclose around me. "I'll try not to cry on you anymore now. Or shout. Or end up in hospital."

"Stop that." She teases me, kissing my temple as I breathe in her comforting scent. It calmed me, set me at ease with its familiarity. "You know you don't need to worry about that. You've dealt with more than enough of my moments anyway."

"Mm..." I just mumble contently, sighing at the relaxing feeling of her fingers against my scalp. "Something smells nice."

"Well I cooked." Her eyes sparkle when I pull away, excited at the prospect and I can't help but smile. "I cooked dinner."

"...I said I'd try _not_ to end up back in hospital-"

"Oi, cheeky!" She slaps me gently, her mouth falling open, almost looking hurt at my response.

"Oh baby, baby I'm joking. Sorry." I laugh it off, giving her a quick peck. "I'm very grateful thank you."

"Yeah well, I'll forgive you because you look cute with your hair like that." She ruffles it briefly before returning to the oven, grabbing the gloves and pulling a dish out of it. I had to admit, it smelt heavenly. I'd underestimated how hungry I actually was, and all the emotional turmoil had probably added to that. "It's not burnt!" She sounds so proud of herself, I melt slightly as she places it down on the granite work top, studying the pasta bake she had made. "Wow. You've turned me into a domestic goddess. We don't need the factory, you carry on with your wedding planning and I'll be a stay at home mum."

"Mum." I bite my lip at the word, watching how she tilts her head upwards, unaware she had even voiced the title until I brought her up on it. "I think I just fell in love with you a bit more."

"How does it even work?" She avoids my gaze, spooning pasta onto a plate. "You know, is one of us mum and one mummy or... Mum number one, mum number two..."

"Ok, calm down." I joke with her, watching the slight blush that graces her cheeks. "You'll be looking up primary school catchments after dinner."

"Your food, madám." She hands me a plate and I accept it gratefully, grabbing cutlery and drinks for us both and sitting down at the kitchen counter. "Seriously if it's rubbish, don't eat it. I can get a take away or something instead. Just thought I'd give it a shot." She scoots around the other stool, sliding onto it elegantly and weighing up my fork as I raise it to my mouth.

"Feel like I'm on Master Chef with you staring at me like that."

"Well?" She waits with baited breath and I can't resist stammering a sudden cough, her eyes going wide with worry. I feel guilty as soon as I've proceeded to wind her up, bursting into a fit of giggles. "Michelle! I was worried then!"

"I could have carried that on but your little face, ah." I reach out to stroke her cheekbone and she shrugs me off sulkily. "Oh come on, you know I had to."

"You can cook your own dinner in the future." She twirls the fork around her plate, lifting her gaze as she notices the smile on my face, unable to stop hers mirroring my expression. "I'm trying to be in a mood with you now, stop making me laugh."

"You can't resist me." I grin to myself, loading my fork again. "Ok on a serious note, this is really good. You've excelled yourself."

"Excelled myself from what exactly?" She raises an eyebrow. "Putting a tin of beans in the microwave?"

"Oh please tell me you've never put a tin in a microwave, Carla Connor." I lower my fork, as she eyes up curiously. "Thank God you've got me."

"Why, what's wrong with that?"

"You can't put metal in a microwave!" I exclaim in disbelief. "Never do that please." I reiterate and she gives a small nod, still looking confused, which annoyingly was very adorable. "Honestly, how did you pass food tech GCSE?"

"How do you remember I took food tech?"

"Uh, because I spent pretty much all of my childhood with you. And I came with you on results day." I prompt her and her eyes narrow in recollection. "It's not difficult to remember, you only had two exams on there."

"Well at least I got two." She shrugs her shoulders, seeming proud of herself at the memory. "Das und Deutsch."

"'Scuse me?"

"That and German." She points her fork at me cockily, and I blush slightly, finding her turn of phrase highly attractive. "Oh yeah, because then we went to get condoms for you after!" She clicks her fingers, suddenly remembering, before flashing me a playful smirk. "Which you didn't use."

"Shut up!" I kick her lightly under the counter and she giggles childishly.

"Shame child development wasn't one of my two GCSE's, hey? I could've warned you about that one."

"Do you want this pasta over your head?" I can't help smiling as she winds me up, forgetting about the highs and lows of the day momentarily.

"You seem a lot happier." Her expression softening as she watches me, and I nod shyly, stirring the food around my plate. "Chelle?" She asks, quieter, drawing my attention back to her. She holds the silence for a moment, lowering her fork and reaching for my hand. "I love you and I am so, so proud of you."

"You know how to make me smile, don't you?" I bite my lip, taking in the beauty of her face, the depth of her eyes, chiselled cheekbones which were a weakness of mine. She was so effortlessly perfect. "I'm so grateful to have you. I don't know where I'd be without you, without this."

"You're my favourite person." She confesses quietly, her cheeks flushing in colour again as I graze my thumb across the back of her hand. "I really want to kiss you."

"Oh well that can be sorted. I guess." I slide off the stool, slipping around to her side and pressing my lips against hers.

"I love kissing you."

"Yeah?" I move back momentarily to search her expression, fingers weaving through her hair. "Well you can have as many as you like. I'll just kiss you forever."

* * *

 **Carla**

Two sets of heels drum rhythmically against the steps of Underworld, echoing as they enter the factory. I link my fingers with Michelle's, flicking the hair back off my shoulder and acknowledging the machinists briefly.

"So it's true then?" The words fire from my mouth dramatically as soon as I've slammed my hand against the office door, listening to it rebound aggressively off the wall. My eyes glide from Alya's cocky stance, to where Eva is sat at the desk, instantly revealing a look of intimidation at our entrance. Why did she act like a lost child? All sweet and innocent?

"That's my chair." Michelle coldly observes, pointing to it as Eva rises, hands clutched in front of her. "You can move your stuff from my desk and all."

"Oh it's a pen!" Alya mocks, having the audacity to laugh in response, the complete opposite attitude to the one Eva upheld. "Meet my new PA."

"We don't need a new PA."

"Oh sorry, did you want that position?" Alya dares to ask me and my eyes flare in anger, trying to settle the rising temper within me. "I needed a PA, since Michelle hasn't been around to help out much. So Eva was looking for a new job, it's not like she hasn't got experience in the position."

"You make it sound like I've been slacking off doing fuck all." Michelle snaps, annoyed at Alya's assumptions. "I've been unwell."

"Right, yes, well whatever the reason. Somebody needed to help me out. So Eva's staying put."

"Well since I've got just as much right to have my say; Eva, you're fired." Michelle shoots back and I can't help feeling a burst of pride at her feisty attitude. "And now it's a split decision, we'll ask the other shareholder." Michelle turns to me, placing her hands on her hips. "Carla, do you want Eva here?"

"Nope."

"Right that settles it then. Majority vote." She finalises, waving to Eva. "Bye bye."

"Wow you two really were made for each other, weren't you?" Alya practically hisses, eyeing us up. "It's like you're dating a clone of each other, bet you get fed up of it."

"Married, actually." I point out, annoyed she made it sound like some temporary phase or bit of fun. "And we're doing just fine but thanks for your input."

"Alya, can I just have a word with them?" Eva pipes up quietly, noting the confused look on Alya's face. "Just try to calm the storm a little?"

"Well I'm due on my lunch anyway." Alya shrugs, grabbing her handbag and heading towards the door. "I want this office in one piece when I get back."

"When did she get the right to talk to us like children?" Michelle asks exasperatedly when she leaves, as Eva shifts uncomfortably, waiting for us to probably throw more aggravation at her. "So? What do you want to say?"

"Just hear me out." Eva begs us, and we both fall silent, giving in to her. "I've been thinking, and I might have a solution for us all... While I was away, I went to visit my mum. She's got this new really rich boyfriend, and basically I've been given a certain amount of money to hire a good solicitor for Suzie's custody battle if it comes to it... But if it doesn't come to that, Alya's began to really trust me. We've been talking about what her aspirations are, in line with my own, and... If you let me keep Suzie in my care, although I'll grant you as much access as you want, I'll convince Alya to sell her shares back to you. I can help you with money if you need and then use the remaining to pursue our own business elsewhere." She hesitates, weighing up our expressions. It was a well thought out plan, and I couldn't deny the fact it was tempting. "I know you're worried about Suzie. I know I have really, really messed up and you're both hurting. I am too. If I could start over, I would without a second thought... But she's my baby girl." The words hit me hard and I knew. I knew how it felt to have those words taken away. "I love her. I really do. And like I said, you can both have as much access to her as you want. You'll have your business back. I promise you I will give my whole heart to Suzie. Coming back here and seeing her again has made me realise how much I need her in my life. She's all I've got and I love her... Please... What do you think?"


	32. Revelation

**Chapter 32:**

 _ **A/N: Some elements of this chapter are rather confusing; I think I was trying to explain to myself how I've got such a mess of storylines all interlinking in this fic, but through Carla's head. Quite a variety of things though. I hope this is okay, and no offence is caused by anything!**_

 _ **Trigger warning: references to suicide, some strong language.**_

 **Michelle**

"Pros and cons." I say aloud, sketching two columns on a piece of paper. Glancing to my right, I notice Carla's raised eyebrows through the dim light shed only by a singular lamp in the early hours of the morning. "What?"

"Pros and cons? That's how we're doing this?" She fiddles with the tassels on the cushion, before sighing and leaning her head in her hands. Neither of us could sleep. After tossing and turning on Eva's proposition, I'd left the bedroom to see her contemplating the same thoughts on the sofa. "It's so messy."

"We've been given a lifeline here." I hesitate before throwing the notepad onto the coffee table, rubbing my hand in circular motions on her back. "We can work this out. This time yesterday we were completely back at square one. Now we've taken a few steps forward, hey?"

"Yeah and it's only a matter of time until we fall on a snake again." She mutters into her hands and my brow furrows in confusion.

"Ey?"

"Snakes and ladders." She finally looks up at me, realising the misunderstanding in my expression. "I thought you were using that metaphor... Forget it."

"So, if we take Eva's offer, we get the factory back-"

"Yeah we're assuming." Carla points out exhaustively, nursing the cup of tea she has grabbed from the coffee table. "This is providing Alya even agrees to sell. She's stubborn."

"But we both know Eva's a good sweet talker." I remind her. "Come on, we know full well that Alya's not interested in the business. She's doing it to wind us up. If she gets a better offer, one that means she doesn't have to work with us anymore, she's bound to take it up."

"I know... I just..." Carla hesitates, standing to pace the room. My eyes follow her, left to right, waiting on what she was to say next. "It's not just the business, is it? This means Suzie will stay with her. I'm not saying it for selfish reasons, but Michelle, is she a safe bet for a parent? I just want to do what Aidan would want."

"Aidan trusted Eva." I say without thinking, realising how bitter the words sounded when I release them. I notice a flicker of hurt in Carla's eyes, leaning back against the wall to level with me. "He did love her, Carla. And once upon a time he was set to have a baby with her, he clearly knew she'd make a good mum back then-"

"Yeah and she lied about the pregnancy. Lied about it all. That alone doesn't state a good CV for parenting."

"...You really care about her, don't you?"

"Yes, Michelle. She's my niece. She's family." She raises her voice. To my surprise I don't flinch, it doesn't even shock me. Instead I stress over whether the rise in dynamics would have woken the residents sleeping around the building. She composes herself, apologetically brushing her hair back. "You know, we've got Aidan's inquest next week? If it comes back that he wasn't of sound mind, this could change everything... God... How shitty does that make me sound? Praying on my brother's mental health... I'm losing myself in all this. Dad's losing it. Jenny's losing it. We're all... Lost."

 **Carla**

I am caught in a trance of thought, trying to decipher everything in my mind as I pace down the cobbles, head dipped. I don't even notice the call of my name, until it nears from behind me, the hand on my shoulder causing me to jump slightly.

"Carla?" I turn to face Peter, confusion written into my expression, an ounce of frustration at his demand to attract my attention. "You were miles away then."

"Well I've got a lot on my mind." Is all I offer in response, trying to step past where he has now barred my way, although I was sure it wasn't intentional. "Excuse me, I've got to get stuff for dinner."

"Very domestic." He humours, a cheeky smile gracing his cheeks as he chews on his gum. "Fancy a coffee?"

"...No." I answer honestly, making it clear that I was puzzled as to why he was asking.

"Not like that." He gives the slightest roll of his eyes, still with the cocky smirk on his face that I could never forget. "I mean to talk about the custody battle. If you still need me, that is."

"Well it might not even be going ahead now." I fold my arms across my chest, shifting my bag onto my shoulder. "Now Eva's back. Now she's given us her ultimatum, which Michelle seems rather taken with."

"...Which is?" His face falls serious at the prospect, weighing up the reluctancy to reveal anything to him. "Carla, this was once my supposed daughter. I do care for her wellbeing you know. Hence why I've said I'm willing to fight your battles in court, because I know you'd be an excellent role model for her... For any child..." Pain tugs on what he was insinuating, trying to maintain the strength I had left and looking out across the street.

"Ok." I shrug in agreement. What was the harm really? If anything, Peter could help. It would be hard to make the situation any more difficult than it already was. "Costa, though." I point up Victoria Street. "Roy will berate me if he catches me sitting with you."

"You always said you weren't keen on those commercialised chains." He offers a scoff as we start to walk.

"Well a lot has changed in my life, Peter Barlow." I dare to play with him, smiling slightly at my remark. "I'm married to a woman, for a start. I've got a new kidney. We don't all stay living with our dad's forever, you know?"

"Cheeky." He whips the bag off my shoulder, slinging it over his own to carry it for me and I can't help emitting a laugh at this. Allowing him to guide me up the street, I offer a playful nudge as we head towards Costa.

 **Michelle**

The brick is cool against my back as I lean against it, eyes following where Carla struts up the street beside Peter. She was laughing. Why was she laughing? Why did she seem happier in his company than my own? The company of her lying, cheating, alcoholic ex-husband.

"You alright?" Maria's voice is soft as it drills into my thoughts, causing me to turn with a start. "Sorry, I tried not to scare you." She flashes me a sympathetic smile, clearly having caught wind of the news about my apparent 'condition'. "Should you be out on your own?"

"I've got PTSD, Maria. I'm not five." I refrain from snapping, but realise it sounds irritable all the same. Her gaze follows where I was previously looking, catching the duo just in time, before they disappear through the swinging door of Costa.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Oh there's always trouble." I shake my head annoyedly, tempted when she offers an arm as a gesture of company. I smile appreciatively, linking my arm with hers and heading in the opposite direction to my wife; towards Maria's flat.

 **Carla**

"So, you're serious about this whole gay thing then?" I know he means it as a joke, but it doesn't stop my head from rising, an eyebrow arching in annoyance.

Stirring my spoon around the dark whirlpool formed in my coffee cup, I voice the same automatic response I always have readily prepared; "I'm not gay."

"Bisexual then." He shrugs, the cocky smile tugging at his lips once more. Somehow I didn't even mind. In fact his ability to lighten the mood with his remarks was warming me. "Although, you do realise, 'gay' is an umbrella term. So Sean was teaching me on shift the other week."

"I thought we were here to discuss Suzie, not my sexuality." I shake my head in amused disapproval, returning my gaze to my mug and watching the spin of the liquid. "Eva's come up with a proposition."

"Oh yeah?" He chews on a cocktail stick, watching me interestedly. "Well unless it's that she's moving to the other side of the world and leaving her baby, I don't think I'm going to like it."

"She's said she'll persuade Alya to sell her share of the factory back to us, and start up their own business together." I pause, listening to the distant chatter around us as I broach the twist in the tale. "But only if we drop the custody battle."

"...How's she affording to set up elsewhere?"

"Oh apparently Stella's got some loaded boyfriend. She said she'll use the money she's been given for her solicitor if we drop the case." I shrug it off, still catching up with the logistics of everything. "So basically it's Suzie or the business. But then again, we can't guarantee Eva's plan will work. Alya might never agree to sell the factory. Or on the other hand, we can't guarantee we'd gain full custody of Suzie, especially if she's sticking around."

"Sticky." He nods slowly, absorbing it all. "But has she said you can still see Suzie?"

"Yeah, she said we can have as much access as we want." I sigh, lowering my head into my hands again. For a moment, I wonder what has even brought me here, conversing with Peter of all people over my current life struggles. But I was finding him a very good listener, not disregarding the fact that he was, at one point, very much a part of this messed up situation. I hated to say it, but I almost owed him the truth. "Would make for an easier life, wouldn't it? We'd get the business back, see Suzie as much as we want, this feud could end. Michelle's been harbouring on about us having a baby..."

"Woah." Peter stops me and I freeze up, instantly regretting admitting that to him. "...You want a baby together?"

"...It's just an idea we've had." I dismiss it, going back to stirring my coffee to deter the awkward silence between us. Metal on porcelain rings out, as if it was going to offer some kind of consolation or solution to the topic at hand.

"An idea you're not so keen on?" He assumes after a fair few seconds, peering at me across the table, as if trying to read my mind.

"I never said that."

"You didn't need to."

"Oh, so I'm predictable now?" I arch an eyebrow, throwing off the awkward tension at the mention of children.

"I was married to you once, I'd like to think I can read you quite well."

"Full of yourself." I just mutter, hiding my frustration at his knowledge of my own feelings. "It's not that I don't want to. I do. It's just with everything at the moment. The factory, the court case, Aidan, Michelle's mental health. I'm just worrying that with this thrown on top, and it's not a decision to be taken lightly, it's going to put too much of a strain on us. You know? It's a massive thing. And it's not as simple as just... Conceiving... There's the whole medical process with us. The financial factor... Literally, Peter. At the start of this year, Michelle was just my best friend. I was worrying I was going to die of kidney failure. We weren't even in a relationship... Over the past eight months I've had a life changing operation, fallen in love with a woman, got engaged to her, married her. Been held hostage and almost murdered. Watched her jump a bullet for me and end up in hospital, twice. I've acquired a niece. My brother has... Killed himself... I gained the factory, lost the factory... That's enough baggage to last someone a lifetime, never mind just over half a year. I just feel swamped with shock at everything. Like I haven't had time to absorb it. Just complete madness."

"Hey." He reaches for my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You'll get through it. You always do. No matter what happens, you've got Michelle. Hey?"

"Well this looks cosy." My hand snaps backwards at the sound of Michelle's voice, our heads turning in sync to where she was stood, hands firmly on hips as she eyes us up. "Something wrong with the Bistro coffee? Or were you just worried you'd be caught?"

"Ey?" I frown, watching the roll of her eyes as she glances between us. "I was just telling Peter about our situation, he was-"

"Well Peter doesn't need informing. He's got nothing to do with it." Michelle points out sharply, flashing him a glare as he leans back, arms folded. "I saw you, giggling like two school kids as you headed over here. I'm glad someone's making you smile, since I can't."

"Oh, this is ridiculous." Fury rises in my veins, annoyed at her petty and childish assumptions. "We bumped into each other. He asked if I wanted a coffee. That's all there is to it, Michelle. Why were you even stalking me anyway?"

"I wasn't stalking you!" Her cheeks flush at the accusation. "You're my wife. I was coming to check you were ok."

"Well I'm fine!" My voice becomes more hysteric. "I don't need you following me around all the time."

"...I'm only trying to be helpful." She looks offended at my comment. I knew I was crossing the line, making out she had no right to check up on me. Of course she did, and I knew she did it with good intentions. But I was beginning to feel slightly humiliated, and that triggered defensiveness.

"Well you're like a shadow these days, wherever I go, you're there."

"We're married!" She shouts suddenly, silencing the café. "You make it sound like I'm Will Chatterton or somebody. You can't sit there making me feel bad for caring."

"...Chelle." I begin, realising how guilty I suddenly felt.

"No, how dare you." She snaps, spinning on her heel and exiting the café. I seethe in the silence that has built around me for a moment, Peter chewing his lip awkwardly. I was so stupid. Why did I act up whenever I knew I was in the wrong? I completely understood why she had a problem with me galavanting off to have coffees with my ex, especially over our personal issues. If the tables were turned and it was her and Robert, I knew I'd feel the same.

"I'd better go." I decide, gathering my bag and holding out a note to Peter, who waves his hand at it.

"Don't be silly. It's a coffee." He replies. "You go and sort it out."

"Well then I owe you." I stuff the money back into my purse.

"You owe me nothing." He admits. Which was the truth. I didn't. "Good luck." He flashes me a reassuring smile, and I'm soon out of Costa, across the road towards where I was hoping Michelle would have raced off to.

* * *

"Right, I understand what it looked like." I begin as I push the flat door open, shock flooding my expression as I fixate on where my family was gathered around. "Oh... Hello. I didn't realise we had a meeting scheduled."

"They've come to discuss the inquest." Michelle mutters, clearly still annoyed at me, as she slumps down next to Kate on the opposing sofa to Johnny and Jenny. Ryan was helping himself to biscuits from the kitchen, as Ali appears from the bedroom.

"Wow, full house?" I raise an eyebrow. The boys had been alternating their stays with us, between Ali popping back to his mate's house, he had stayed a few nights recently to make sure Michelle was alright. He had been a huge help in counselling and persuading her to get medical help. Ryan, on the other hand, had been stopping with any girl he picked up in town, the nights he didn't grace us with his presence. "So... What's going on?"

Kate's gaze shifts between us, lengthening the awkward silence. "You two had a fall out?"

"No."

"Yep." Michelle destroys my attempts at covering it up, and I flash her a withered look. Trust her to drag the family into it, especially when I'd come off as the bad guy.

"It's no shock." Johnny scoffs to himself, clearly still in the same bad mood he had been stuck in since Aidan's death. "I said from the start; these two getting spliced would be a car crash." Michelle's face ripples in shock and hurt, trying to conceal it.

"Ey?" I snap angrily.

"You're both too stubborn for your own good." He adds bitterly, Jenny's face crumbling apologetically. "I'm surprised it lasted this long."

"Not once did you have any issues before."

"Yes well before I hadn't had my world ripped apart, had I?" He meets my gaze intensely, and I offer him no sympathies as I lower myself into the armchair.

The atmosphere is tense as we all dwell on the cruel harshness of Johnny's words, before Ryan pipes up from the kitchen. "Is this gonna take long? I've got a date later."

"A date with who?" Ali quips, trying not to smirk at the prospect.

"Bethany."

"Bethany Platt?" My attention is averted, as my head whips around to face him.

"No, Beth Tinker." He rolls his eyes sarcastically. "Of course, Bethany Platt."

"Bit young for you, isn't she?"

"This is coming from the woman who slept with a twenty three year old university student?" He means it as a joke, but my cheeks flush as Johnny grumbles at the reference. "...Anyway."

"When were you going to tell us about this deal you've made with Eva?" Johnny turns his gaze to Michelle, who's eyes flicker up at me in surprise. "Were you just going to leave it until the inquest?"

"We haven't actually made any deals yet."

"Oh I see... So there wasn't any need to involve me in the plan with my granddaughter and my business."

"It's not your business anymore." I mutter, as his eyes flare.

"And it's not yours either." He reminds me bitterly, a pang of hurt channelling in my chest. "Aidan didn't leave it to you."

"Ok, why don't we all calm down?" Jenny raises her hands, getting up as if ready to referee if things got physical. "Talk us through, girls, what's Eva said?"

I have a desire to bring her up on her use of terminology. Hating how she unintentionally belittled us both, despite being less than ten years older than us. I listen as Michelle explains the situation, eyes focused on Johnny's dishevelled frame, head in hands as he tries to absorb the information.

"Right, so how does this benefit me?" He concludes, after only seemingly listening to half of Michelle's verbal essay. Annoyance tugs inside me again, trying to calm my temper.

"...Nothing 'benefits' any of us." I remind him sharply, reaching for Kate's hand across the coffee table. "It means the business is back in the family, the way Aidan would have wanted it."

"Would he?" Johnny prompts us all, Ryan awkwardly perching on the arm of my chair, as Ali shuffles his feet, staring down at the floor. "Then why did he leave his shares to Alya?"

"We've been over this so many times." Kate squeezes her eyes shut, sick of the same conversation as we all were. "What's the point in asking questions? What's done is done."

"So I'm just supposed to let that woman bring up my granddaughter?"

"Johnny, she is his mum." Michelle tries to reinforce.

"You've changed your tune." He doesn't remove his gaze from me, as if it was me who voiced it. "Selling your niece for the sake of a back street knicker factory."

"We're not selling her!" I suddenly shout, appalled at his attitude. "Eva said we could have as much access as we want. It saves dragging all of this through the courts, going over it again and again, like Kate said. She's across the road from us Johnny, this way Eva will let us in, you can watch your granddaughter grow up. Be the grandad you wanted to be."

"Yeah, without her father."

"He's gone!" I yell and the room falls into a devastated silence, grief like a wave crashing through the tense atmosphere. Tears spring to Kate's eyes as she pulls her hand back, wringing them both in her lap. I hated myself for how I had worded it, desperate to elaborate and try and set things right. But at the end of it all, it was the truth. We were all wishing things could be different, praying we could bring him back. But it wasn't going to happen. "I'm sorry... I just... We keep talking as if we can change the past... We can only try and move forwards from this, do the things Aidan would have wanted."

"And you know what Aidan would have wanted?" Johnny mutters under his breath. Whether it was a rhetorical question of his own regret, or some dig at how all thanks to him, I hadn't even known he was my brother until a matter of years ago. It stings. But we were all hurting, and that could only dull, it would never completely go away.

"I know that Aidan loved Eva. That he trusted her."

"Yeah, before he knew about his granddaughter."

"I think he did know." The words fall from my mouth, causing everyone's heads to turn in my direction. "I think he knew... Deep down. And he still left... Because he knew whatever she decided was the right decision."

"And yet you want to stand up in caught to prove that Aidan wasn't of sound mind?"

"I don't want to stand up for anything." I admit, exhaustively. "I'm too tired to go over it again. Like you say, it's a backstreet knicker factory. Who cares." I leave the revelation hanging in the air, not wasting time as I pace towards the flat door, slamming it behind me.

 **Michelle**

"Where's Sinead?" I push the door open to the office, hanging up the phone to Mr Hanlen. I refuse to acknowledge Eva, who is seated in the corner, tapping something out on the laptop. Instead, I focus my gaze unwillingly on Alya, who looks surprised at my appearance.

"Oh hello. It's two thirty." She taps her watch, rudely.

"I'm aware." I just respond, annoyed as to how she thinks she can boss me around when she was in exactly the same position as me in the hierarchy. "Where's Sinead?"

"Carla not with you?" She peers behind me, as I fall down into my seat, clicking the computer on.

"No." Is all I answer with. I hadn't seen Carla since she stormed out of the flat. Not only were we now creating tension over Peter Barlow, but also everything else that was laid on the table during the family meeting. There was no point in trying to sort things now, it was too fresh, the situation would only get worse. "I asked you twice where Sinead is?"

"She's resigned."

"Right, has she written a notice?" I watch the shake of Alya's head. "Well she can't just walk out of here."

"What can we do about it? Take her to court?" She raises an eyebrow. "Because I think you're doing enough of that as it is."

"Hanlen just phoned." I ignore her remark, tapping the mobile I had laid on my desk. "He's set for the meeting tomorrow."

"Let's just hope the insect control guy can get our situation sorted before that then."

"What?" I raise my head, knowing that I was about to hear yet another story that wasn't going to improve current matters.

"Do you want a coffee Michelle?" Eva finally rises, daring to look at me. Her eyes are dipped and timid, like a lost dog, as if she was actually scared of me.

"If it means getting you out of here." It was unnecessary, but her attempts to blackmail us, or apparently help us, however sweetly she tried to put it, hadn't made me warm to her any more. "Milk, no sugar."

"You need to stop being so rude to her. She's a part of the team now." Alya inputs once the office door has closed again and I fold my arms, arching an eyebrow.

"So is Carla. But you're still intent on implying that her dead brother would be ashamed of her." The words harden in the air, her gaze averting back to the desk, a flicker of guilt displaying itself in her eyes. "So maybe when you grow up, I'll work on my manners."

"Carla is just as argumentative with me. Eva is trying with you." She continues to back her corner and I roll my eyes. She didn't understand the half of it. Claiming as if she had a right to be a part of this whole mess of a situation. Upon realising our disagreement wasn't getting us anywhere, she returns to the original subject at hand. "We've had a release of moths in the business. So I've called pest control."

"Moths?" I repeat in shock. "Do you realise how serious that is?"

"Yes, Michelle. Of course I do."

"They could eat through the material easily. It's like letting kids loose in a chocolate shop."

"I'm aware." She sharpens her tone to silence me, handing over a piece of lingerie. "And I found holes in one of the sample pieces we were going to show Hanlen. So I've got Fiz to run us up some more. We just need to make sure it's kept out of devastation until tomorrow."

"What brought them in?"

"I caught Sinead and Daniel hitting the wall with a pair of magazines earlier." She informs me, leaning back in her chair as I examine the material. "Apparently they came in a few days ago, on some vintage clothes he brought here."

"Great." I mutter under my breath, stowing the lingerie away at the side of the desk. "Just what we need."

"As long as we nail this contract, we'll be fine."

" _You'll_ be fine." I dig, realising she had nothing else on her plate but a few pairs of knickers. It seemed so simple in comparison to the madness we were tied up in as a family. "Some people have got worse things to deal with."

 **Carla**

I'd never really had much time for the communal garden. But now I was here, I realise it's more relaxing than expected. Flowers blossom from every corner, greens mixing with the soft oranges of brick. I stare out into the quietness in front of me, hands poised in my lap, watching a blackbird dip it's beak against the earth. Spreading it's wings, cocking it's head around for the slightest noise. But apart from the rush of cars in the distance, the occasional whoosh of a horn from the train line nearby, it was all still. It was a good place to come to think. A lot of residents seemed to take time out here. A lot of residents had things to think about. Especially recently. Although, I supposed this place was never drama free. I was surprised Weatherfield hadn't been landmarked as one of the most dangerous places, with everything that went on. There wasn't a single person I could identify from Coronation, Rosamund and Victoria Street combined, who could say they'd had it easy. Some were worse off than others. Strangely, it seemed I was possibly one of the unluckiest. But that was always the case, right from the very start, right back to when I was carried back to my grotty flat on the estate at just one day old. Some days I was desperate to pack it all in again, take the leap like I did with Devon. Ultimately, I wanted to protect Michelle. Get her away from here and all the agony she had suffered, the struggles we would undoubtedly face in the future. It was no wonder she was suffering, looking over her shoulder wherever she went. I think most people feared for their sanity here at times.

I could make a very long list of all the traumatic experiences my friends and family had suffered so far this year alone. Never mind since I stepped foot in the area in the winter of 2006. Was that the biggest mistake of my life? Or was it a blessing in disguise? Who knew if I'd have had it easier if I'd have stayed in Altrincham with Paul. I wonder if he'd still be alive. If Liam or Tony or Frank would still be alive. But one thing was for certain, I'd strengthened since. Whether that was a positive or negative achievement, I was too tired to decipher.

"Am I disturbing you?" I don't even raise my head at Roy's voice, he had one so soft it never made me jump. Emitting just a shrug instead, he takes a seat next to me. "This isn't a location I would usually predict your whereabouts."

"Full of surprises, me." I look up solely to flash him a comforting smile.

"You seem very deep in thought." He observes. "Can I be of assistance?"

"I don't know, can you?" I look to him for a solution. A solution to what element of the problem, I didn't know. But Roy Cropper was always good at helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel, despite me often not wanting to hear his motives for getting me there. "Can you tell me what to do with my life?"

"I highly doubt I can solve your problems. But as always, I can attempt to advise you." He offers, sincerely, striped apron still visible under his oversized cardigan. Back when I was ill, I'd often curl up with that same cardigan in the evenings, while we watched some pointlessly informative documentary on the television. He'd part with it for my sake, sometimes laying it over me if I'd fallen asleep. One day he had asked why it brought me so much comfort, and I'd held back in elaborating that the comforting smell it carried reminded me of him. Of Hayley. Back to the day when she took my hand in the factory after Frank had raped me, and I'd caught a waft of the washing powder Roy had never changed. I'd felt the most comfort I had throughout my ordeal in those three seconds alone, and to this day, it made me feel the same sense of hope. When I was, myself, on the brink of death, just holding onto that would make me feel like everything would be alright. "...Although, in experience the fact remains that you often decide not to adhere to my advice."

"Where do I start?" I sigh, the idea of repeating everything to yet another person made me feel tired in itself. "...Do you think I rushed into marrying Michelle?"

"Are you unhappy with your relationship?" He asks in response. "Do you see it falling apart?"

"No." I am quick to assure him, not doubting that for a second. "I love her. That won't change."

"Well then no." He answers and it takes me a second to absorb his decision. "Because if you see it lasting, and your feelings haven't changed. What's the point in regrets? Whether you married her this year or in twenty years time, the fact will remain; you love her and want to be with her. Married or not."

"Well that's true." My eyes narrow in thought.

"I won't deny the truth that initially, I perhaps thought the decision was slightly rational. But, you've proved me wrong."

"I've proved you wrong?" I can't help smiling at his admittance. "Well that's a first." I hesitate, watching the simplicity of his expression, fading back into the problems at hand. "I think I'm just panicking because there's suddenly so much to address. I've got myself into too much... So, it all comes down to the ultimatum of... Family or work." I continue to explain Eva's proposition, Michelle's desire for another child, Johnny's stubborn, aggravated attitude over it all. He listens, as he always does. Not once does he try to intervene or silence me. If he ever chose to pack the café in, he'd make a very good counsellor.

"Would you like me to outline one of your faults?" He finally asks, once I've fallen silent.

"Will it offend me?"

"Probably."

"...Ok." I say, not surprised at his honesty as I depend on him like a child.

"You stress too much over individual things, which collaborates it into a bigger problem. You're so used to accepting you have baggage and all this drama surrounding your life, that you don't take time to view everything separately."

"...That's not particularly offensive." I conclude, which seems to please him. "I think it all merges into one problem because they all interlink. And whichever decision I make, more problems arise. So, say I take Eva up on her offer. What's to say Alya will agree to sell? How are we going to deal with Johnny's reaction? And then what if we can't even have a baby of our own? I mean, I'm getting on, Michelle's only a little younger. We've both lost children. There's quite a strong chance that wouldn't happen for us."

"If Alya refuses to set up elsewhere with Eva, then you don't need to worry on your second problem of Johnny. If she does, then that's your first problem resolved." I refrain from telling him he's probably confused me more than I already was, if that was even possible, before I think on his words and realise the truth despite complexity of them. "And as for the last question, you can't change the inevitable. So worrying over something that will or won't happen is pointless. You can choose to be a devoted auntie to Suzie, both you and Michelle. If you find that you won't be able to conceive, there are other options to explore. But I have found that trying to predict the future is needless and exhaustive."

"And the business?"

"It would be wrong for me to advise you to carry out anything behind Alya's back. As much as you dislike her, she is a hardworking part of your business at present. From my perspective, things are better resolved if there are no lies or secrecy." He explains. "Let Eva converse with Alya about the idea. Be honest. I'm sure that you will work out an arrangement between you all."

I sit in silence for a while, realising that in the space of about ten minutes, Roy had helped me to resolve the majority of worries playing on my mind for weeks on end.

"Carla?" He drags my attention back to him, my eyes fixating on his caring expression. Never would I have thought that the local, awkward, verging-on-elderly café owner would be one of my best friends. But he was, and I loved him for it. "You have a lot of people around who love you. I don't often make promises, but you have come through harder situations than this. Please don't doubt your strength or the support you have. I'm sure things will become clearer in time."

"I love you." I reach forward to press a kiss to his cheek, responded to with an awkward pat on my back. He wasn't one for affection, but I could tell in his eyes that he felt the same way. "I better go and find Michelle. Sort things out." I squeeze his shoulder gently, taking a few steps forwards before mentally kicking myself. There was a reason he had come here in the first place, I was always so self-absorbed. "Roy?"

"I promise I am perfectly alright." He guesses my question before I can ask it. "That's a promise I can make you."

 **Michelle**

"Hello." I don't move from where I am sat back in the arm chair, glass of wine in hand as the flat door closes behind Carla.

"Hi." She murmurs awkwardly, putting her bag down and taking a hesitant step forwards, as if I was going to bite her head off. "...I brought food."

My eyes dart to the bag she is holding up, realising what the heavenly smell was that she had brought in with her. The sweet suction on my tongue reminds me exactly how hungry I was. Today had brought an array of emotions, eating was something that had slipped my mind.

The soft growl of my tummy causes the smallest smile to form on her cheeks. "I'll put it on a plate then." We're silent as she sets out the food, spooning Chinese onto a plate for me. She jumps slightly when I slip my arms around her waist from behind, settling into the embrace. "You're supposed to be mad at me."

"I am." I let out a laugh, kissing her cheek before releasing her. "But all the same, I don't like seeing you upset. And I want you to feel safe."

"I want _you_ to feel safe." She turns, leaning back against the kitchen counter and linking our fingers. "And I'm sorry. How I spoke to you was out of order. I've been stressing over things and it was wrong of me to take it out on you."

"You're not under police arrest." I giggle, soothed by the calmer mood she seemed to be in. "You don't need to be so logical."

"I'm trying to apologise!" She kicks me gently, before softening. "I missed you."

"Didn't realise you could miss a shadow." I realise it takes her a second to work out what I'm referencing, sighing with regret.

"Sorry baby." She tries to look sweet and apologetic, begging my forgiveness. "I'm a horrible cow."

"So, just so we're on the same wavelength, will you be going on anymore dates with Peter in the near future?"

"It wasn't a date." She assures me. "He was asking about the custody case. I know it probably looked bad... I'd be the same if it was you and Robert."

"So you're not leaving me for him then?" I tease her, grazing her cheek with my finger.

"I'm never leaving you full stop."

"Good." I bite my lip, eyes flickering down to hers. "Well can I have a kiss then?"

"Hm." She pauses, pulling on my top and planting her lips against hers. I sigh gratefully as her tongue tickles mine, proceeding a flurry of kisses against her forehead, nose, cheeks, back down to her lips. "If this is the kind of treatment I get when I'm a cow, you'd best be careful."

"It's only because you bought me food." I grab the plate from behind her smoothly, carrying it over to the sofa.

"How've you felt today?" She eyes up the box of medication Dr Gaddas had prescribed me a few days ago, which lies on the kitchen counter.

"Mm, can you pass me those?" I hold out a hand, swallowing a mouthful of food as she gently throws them into my hands. "You taken yours?"

"Yes ma'am. What are we like hey?" She leans down to kiss the top of my head. "May as well run a pharmacy."

"Well we can always consider that as a second option." I swallow the tablet, eyes levelling with her as she takes a seat on the sofa. "Do you want to talk about... Things?"

"Honestly I've been talking about it all day." She lets out a tired sigh. "But I think I've finally managed to work through everything this afternoon, with Roy's help. I think I've reached a conclusion."

"Yeah?" I lighten at the prospect, about to ask her further, before the buzzer rings out. I take the liberty of rising, running my fingers through her hair as I head over to the intercom. "Yep?"

"Is that Michelle?" Alya's voice sends my eyes rolling, as I respond with a blunt 'yes'. "It's Alya, can I come up a sec?"

"Why?" I try to hide my annoyance. Trust her to pick now, just when I was working things out with Carla. She had bent my ear all afternoon at work, yet she still most likely wanted to stick the knife in some more.

"I won't take long." Her voice is surprisingly calm, and after flashing a glance at a confused Carla, I reluctantly buzz her up.

"It's Alya." I inform her, taking the door off the latch. "Sorry, she said she won't be long."

"Ugh, is it work?" Her face screws up as I shrug, putting her plate down on the coffee table and standing as if to create a united front.

"I'm not here to cause trouble." She holds her hands up as an act of surrender, imagining we would jump on her like a pack of dogs. "I need to give you this."

My eyes fall to where she is holding out a disc in a clear case to Carla, who hesitantly takes it. "What is it?"

"It's uh... It's Aidan." She is careful with the word, hands slipping into the pockets of her trousers. "It's an interview they carried out about your kidney donation. I think you deserve to have it."

"Oh... Thank you." Carla is clearly surprised at the gesture, appreciation laced into her tone. "I didn't even realise..." She glances across at me and I squeeze her shoulder, slipping an arm around her. I shake my head to make my same knowledge clear; Aidan had never mentioned anything about an interview.

"That's not all." She breaks the silence, swallowing back what seems like nerves, or maybe even guilt. "I've spoken to Eva, about what she told you."

"Oh." I respond bluntly, realising this could now have all gone to shit.

"...I'm sorry." The words seem to rebound off the walls. "After watching that... After hearing how much he really loved you. I knew, of course I knew. But it's made me feel awful about how I've treated you. Treated you both... And I'm sorry. For the way I've acted and the things I've said... He really cared for you, Carla. And he'd be incredibly proud of you."

Carla opens her mouth in an attempt to respond, tears springing to her eyes which she forces back, clutching the DVD in her grip. "...Thank you. So much."

I offer Alya a smile, trying to hide the shock at how genuine her words were. Whatever was on the disc must be emotional if it was enough for Alya to completely change her views and opinions.

"...I want you to both have the factory. Like Aidan would have wanted." She reveals and Carla's head shoots upwards, eyes widening. "I know he had every faith in you. It's yours, after all, it's always been yours." She waits for us to respond, but there's nothing, just another confused silence as we try to justify whether he situation was real. "There's this place on Victoria Street for rent. Eva and I are going to set up a bridal and evening dress shop. I'm already mind mapping ideas for a line of Asian attire, think I might be getting a bit ahead of myself." She stifles a laugh. "...Uh... It's a shock, I know."

"...Alya, honestly. I don't know what to say." I admit, wrapping my arms around Carla's shaking frame. "...That means everything to us. Thank you, so much."

"Watch that." She flashes us a warm smile, pointing to the disc before raising a hand to wave us off. "Just make sure you've got tissues."

"Alya?" Carla stops her before she leaves, my hold slipping away as she takes a few steps forwards, holding her arms out and pulling her into a hug. I watch their embrace for a moment, wiping the stupid tear that slides down my cheek. "I'm sorry." She whispers, so I can only just about catch it. "I'm sorry as well... And thank you."

"Take care." She tells us both once she's pulled back, letting the door close gently behind her. Carla stares after her, still holding the disc in her hands, turning around to face me. We stare at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do. I didn't even know whether to smile or cry. It was shock. Complete shock.

 **Carla**

"You're sure?" Michelle checks, once we're curled up on the sofa, dishes washed and put away whilst I was in the bath. She raises a hand to massage my scalp, watching the soft nod of my head as I rest it in her chest, my frame tucked into her lap. "Love you." She places a kiss against my head, pressing play on the television. We didn't even have a DVD player, but thanks to Ryan's technological equipment, he'd shown us how to play it through his PlayStation, before swiftly departing to town again.

"Love you." I link my fingers with hers once she's lowered the control.

"I'm here with Aidan Connor today." A bubbly looking student lights up the screen, sitting with her legs crossed in a squashy chair, Aidan's is parallel to hers, tilted towards the camera. The flicker of his face, the flood of colour, the recognition, it was enough to already bring me to tears. A bead of warmth drives its way down my cheek, feeling stupid for already crying. Michelle didn't care in the slightest. She knew it was inevitable, and I knew she was probably feeling exactly the same. "Some might call him the hero of Weatherfield General, as he recently donated one of his kidneys to his sister, Carla."

"I wouldn't exactly call myself a hero." Aidan's modesty sends hot chills down my spine, eyes already blurring as I try to focus on his face. He looked so happy and content, proud, he looked stable, comfortable, real. He was real. He was there, right before my eyes. And yet he was gone. "I only discovered Carla was my sister a few years ago." He relays, once a bit of conversation has gone on. The comfort of Michelle's fingers in my hair calms me, as I breathe in her soothing scent. "I have another sister, Kate. But once I got my head around it all, I actually wondered why it hadn't crossed my mind before. We could be so similar. All work, work, work. At times we were stubborn as anything. We'd bicker like kids, like siblings before we even knew we actually were. But most of all, I adored her. We had a connection that you don't just get with anyone. You know when you just click? And when I found out, I felt guilty, even though it wasn't my fault. All those times I could have been for there when she needed me, because there were many times. She hasn't had it easy."

"Stating the obvious." I manage a muffled laugh, gripping Michelle's pyjama top with my one hand, feeling the warmth of her lips against my forehead.

"So how did you react when Carla told you about her condition?"

"With desperation." He swallows, and I try to forget the fact that at that exact point, on possibly that exact day, my brother was preparing to take his own life. Before he was hit with the decision of saving mine. "I was prepared to do everything and anything. Like I said, I'd never been there to help her before. Except helping her to save her business years ago, we built it back up together. I'm so grateful for that, the time we shared together. But when she told me that she could... Die. I wasn't letting that happen, no way."

"Aidan, no." Is all that is released from my mouth, tears pouring down my cheeks. _I_ wouldn't have let that happen. If only he'd have told me the same thing.

"So me and Kate did everything as soon as we could, and when it came back that we were both a match, I put myself forward. Family is everything to me. My sisters are two of the most important and special people. I'd give everything up for them in an instant." He admits, shuffling in his seat.

"And you're both doing alright now?"

"Yep, Carla's on the mend. Getting back to her usual annoying self." He smiles at his comment, causing me to mirror it. "She's engaged now and all, doesn't waste time that one.

"Oh so you've got a wedding to look forwards to as well?" The student looks at him excitedly and I notice the slightest, faintest twinge in his expression. Would I have picked up on it at the time? Probably not. But now it was evident. Because he knew that he would never make it to the wedding. "I hope she lets you sit on the top table after all of this."

"Yeah, maybe." Aidan's smile saddens. I feel a wetness in my hair, knowing Michelle's tears had fallen. "I'm just glad she's going to be happy now. I know Michelle, her fiancée will look after her. She's going to bring the business to success again. She honestly loves that place. I remember finding her there at ten in the evening on a bank holiday once. The amount of effort she has put into that place over the years, it just shows what a dedicated and ambitious person she is. I'm just grateful I could make that future bright for her. And I'm so, so grateful and blessed to be able to call her my sister."

"Michelle, he knew." I suddenly burst into tears, the faint sound of the student concluding the video echoing in the distance. I turn to bury my head in her chest, sobbing into the soft material of her top. "He wanted me to see that. He knew."

"I'm sorry." She whispers, her voice cracking as her arms seal around me, rocking me gently. "I'm sorry sweetheart."

A blur of grief projects out of my mouth. "He's saying goodbye. He wanted me to be happy. I wanted him to be happy too. And he'll never know. He'll never know what happens in my future. He never saw me get married or will see me progress the business. He'll never know that all I ever wanted for him was the same. And he's gone. It hurts. It hurts so much." I cry into her. She lets me cry and vent and question everything. She sits and holds me. She listens. I go over and over it until my lungs ache, my head is so tired of thinking the same questions I would never get an answer to. She lets me to slip off to sleep, images filling my head of my little brother, so full of ambition and aspiration. So loving and giving. My little brother I never had enough time with. My little brother who I was going to make so proud.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please let me know what people think of this at the moment. It's been on the back-burner for a while because of my other fic, so I hope people are still enjoying!**_


	33. Grateful

**Chapter 33:**

 **Carla**

I have no awareness of time when my eyes open, surprised not to awaken to the usual surroundings of the bedroom. I panic for a brief moment, before feeling the warmth of the body that is wrapped around me, blanket pulled over us both. My head tilts upwards, Michelle's eyelids rested as her head falls against the sofa cushion. Her arms were tied around me protectively.

I take a moment to debate waking her; she clearly hadn't fallen asleep here deliberately. I vaguely remembered through a blur of emotion that I had slipped off to sleep after a heap of tears had stung my cheeks. I can still feel the dryness of my skin now, as if drained after soaking up the liquid.

"Chelle?" I whisper, only realising the agonising ache in my throat as I try to formulate the word, coughing at the bitter taste. It never felt like this unless I had a proper meltdown, but the gaming controller on the table before me brings everything back. Burying my head in my free hand sadly, I feel her shift at my movement.

"Hey, you alright sweetheart?" Her words cut through the silence, soft and caring as ever. Her voice has that same tired, hoarse twinge to it that makes me fall for her even more. Had we been in more romantic circumstances, I might have commented on it.

"My throat hurts." Is all I say, like a child that's woken up in the night, begging for a day off school the next day. I realise my voice isn't developing, stuck in the same forced whisper, the lack of musicality frustrating me. "Sore throat." I try out again, pushing my voice too hard and letting out a whimper at the sharp sting that jabs in the pit of it. "Mm."

"Ok, ok." She kisses my hair, before slipping out from beside me. Her ruffled hair and squinty eyes make me melt as she clicks the light on. Despite the pain, I couldn't deny how cute she looked. "Water." She runs it for me, bringing the glass over. Once I've taken it she raises a hand to my forehead. "You feel alright, it's probably just from the crying."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise." She perches on the back of the sofa, watching me take long gulps of the liquid. "It's completely understandable. And it's me, just me, ok?" She taps my nose. "Our secret."

"Thanks." Is all I can release without hurting myself further, patting my chest annoyedly at the lack of voice I still had.

"Don't force it." She holds her hand out, offering me two tablets. "For the pain."

"I feel like I was drunk." I try to recall through the hazed memory. "Am I hungover?"

"You didn't touch a drop." It makes her laugh. "I'd have taken you back to bed but I'm not strong enough and I didn't want to wake you."

"Are you saying I'm heavy?"

"No, I'm saying I'm weak."

"Physically maybe." I sigh, deciding to give up on talking and instead just tapping my wrist.

"It's only just past three." She squints at her phone. "We've got a few more hours rest before we need to sort the rest of our future out. I'm guessing you remember that part?"

The nod of my head expresses my response, my heart settling in my chest at the recollection. At last there was a silver lining in everything. I couldn't quite believe it. Part of me was expecting to turn up at work and for Alya take it all back. Or knowing my luck, it'll all be a hallucination. Maybe I was really going that crazy. No. It happened, and I could finally stop stressing over one element of our life. A big element.

"So." Michelle links her fingers with mine. "Howdy partner."

"Shut up." A hoarse croak exits my mouth, smiling at her all the same.

"Bed?" She offers, holding a hand out and pulling me up from the sofa as I nod.

 **Michelle**

"Morning." Alya raises her head as we enter the office, lightly tapping Carla's back to let her proceed in front of me. Her voice wasn't overly friendly, which was as expected. She might have shocked us last night, and apologies may have been exchanged, but it didn't mean everything had completely changed. I was eternally grateful to her for the decision she had reached, but the fact remained that we were never going to be best friends. It seemed we were content with just keeping things civil.

"Hi." I flash her an appreciative smile, eyes falling to the contracts she already has positioned on the desk. "Hanlen's in later."

"Nothing to do with me anymore." She points out, but not so sharply as she could have done. "Once you've got these signed."

"How much?" Carla's voice is still quiet, hardly rising over the silence as she scans the documents. Alya looks just as confused as both me and Eva at her question.

"I'm sorry?"

"How much do you want for your shares?" Carla taps the sheet in front of her, finally looking up.

"Eva's sorted that. Like I said, we're setting up elsewhere. She's giving me a fifty percent share in that instead."

"Don't be silly." Carla laughs, glancing at Eva. I watch as her hand extends, very gently squeezing her arm. "It's very kind of you. But consider it as a donation towards your new business then."

"...What?" Eva looks shocked at Carla's kindness. "No, you really don't have to do that. I owe you."

"You owe us nothing." She sighs in admittance, pulling a cheque book out of the desk drawer and scribbling down a figure. "Besides, this is for Suzie and all, hm? Maybe she'll take that business from you one day." Ripping the paper from the booklet, she hands it out, Eva's eyes widening as Alya peers over her shoulder.

"Uh... Wow." She stammers, and I can't help feeling a pang of annoyance at Carla's generosity. She hadn't even discussed this with me.

"Don't worry, it's from the sale of my house in Devon, sweetie." Carla notices my expression, reaching for my hand. "So, where do I sign?"

 **Carla**

"Can you believe it?" I swing in my chair, chewing on the lid of my coffee cup. Michelle lifts her head from the paper she is jotting notes down on opposite me, looking content with the lightness of my mood.

"No, not really." She gazes around the office, tapping the pen against paper as she tries to summarise how much had changed in the space of twenty four hours. "But if you keep slacking off like that, you really won't believe it when the business goes down the pan."

"Ooh." I kick her gently under the table, amused at her attitude. "First day on the job. Rookie mistake." I salute her and her eyes narrow playfully. "So, boss, teach me everything I need to know."

"Technically you're my boss." She points a pen at me. "You now own sixty percent again."

"Oh I'm sick of all these percentages." I groan, too shocked to try and work out where everything fell right now. The ownership of this place has alternated more times than I'd had marriages recently. I just hoped this was the final settlement. "What's mine is yours and all that."

"Let's hope you don't fire me." She lets out a giggle, happy for a second before her eyes drift to the office window. "Oh, pest control. Of course."

"Ey?" I frown, my head whipping in the same direction. "What's he doing here?"

"Moth outbreak." Michelle remembers, more to herself than to inform me, but my eyes widen.

"Moths?" I try to keep my now normalising voice at bay. "Since when?"

"Since a few days ago." She sighs, getting up as the office door opens.

"Oh great." I mutter, slamming my hand down on the desk. Typical. "So she's sold up and left us with a faulty factory? I see now."

"Hi, Michelle Connor." She ignores my comment, holding her hand out to shake the man's in the doorway. He had some random machinery with him, a droopy expression on his face. I could already tell he was far from the kind of person I would voluntarily associate myself with. "I'm assuming you're insect control?"

"No, Michelle. He's here to buy underwear." I subtly tease her and she nudges me away, smiling slightly.

"They call me moth man." His voice is so dry and boring, it's enough to make my throat shrivel up again.

"'They' being who, exactly?" I dare to make conversation, and he turns his head in my direction, brow furrowing at my question. "Ok, well if you could get started. Ignore the girls on the machines. Try and get things cleared up as soon as possible, yeah?"

"It all started back in secondary school."

"What did?" I fold my arms, screwing my nose up slightly.

"You asked who called me moth man." He begins and I instantly regret my sarcasm. "...Are you Alya Nazir?"

"No." I assure him, a laugh almost escaping my lips. "Carla Connor. It's a delight to meet you." I lace sarcasm thickly through my tone.

"Likewise." He eyes me up and down, Michelle letting out an annoyed cough. "They started calling me moth man because I found insects so interesting. Particularly moths. Back then it was 'moth boy'. I feel it has a better ring to it now."

"Right, so-"

"I was intrigued by insect facts. I'd tell anyone at school who would listen."

"So... You began a career in... Murdering them?" Michelle stupidly asks, causing him to fall silent for a second.

"Where should I start?" He bypasses her comment, and I debate whether he even acknowledged it in he first place. Following the point of her finger, he heads out to the factory floor, causing the door to swing shut behind him.

"...Is this what life has come to?" I raise an eyebrow as she spins around to face me. She just laughs, enveloping me in embrace as her arms wrap around my shoulders.

"They called you 'dangerous Donovan' in school, don't judge." She teases, smothering me in kisses as I try to fend her off, so absorbed that I don't notice the door opening again.

"Have you got a-" The man begins, rolling my eyes subtly as I break apart from Michelle. His eyes dart between us in surprise, clearly not expecting to walk in on such a scene. "...An electrical power socket?"

 **Michelle**

"Do you ever think about how we've done it on that desk?" Carla points at mine, and I pause, pulling a face as I think back.

"Well now I am. Cheers for that."

"It shouldn't be a bad memory." She laughs, leaning forwards on her elbow. "Or at least it didn't seem to be at the time."

"Shut up." I try to contain the smile on my face, eyes dipped down at the folder in front of me. "This is your place of work."

"I know, naughty aren't we?" Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her biting down on her lip.

"Never again."

"We'll see." She concludes, looking satisfied with herself as she sits back, chewing on the pen in her hand. "That's not factory work."

"Uh, you've done nothing all day, don't start lecturing me." I point a finger, grateful all the same that she appeared to be in a good mood. "I thought you'd be glad to be back. I hope you're prepared for the meeting in a bit."

"I'll wing it, I always manage to pull it out the bag." She assures me cockily, glancing at the paper on my desk again. "So what is that?"

"Nothing." I swipe it out of view, suddenly embarrassed. She narrows her eyes, leaning forwards slightly. "You'll laugh."

"Chelle!" Carla looks put-out, her face falling as she silently begs me to tell her. "What is it?"

"It's just therapeutic stuff, Ali suggested I did it." I shrug it off, trying to stop the blush that colours my cheeks. Her face softens, still holding an interest, not showing any signs of joking about it. I didn't know why I assumed she would, she was the most supportive person when it came down to my current mental struggles. "It's this book thing which was one of the ideas the website he showed me listed. I take twenty minutes a day to write about the positive things in life, things I like, things that make me happy, kind of like a diary... It's supposed to suppress negative thoughts and emotions or something... It's stupid. You can laugh."

"I don't want to laugh!" She exclaims, reaching for my hand. "I'm glad it's helping you. Why would I find that funny?"

"I know... It's just... I don't know." I slide the book back on to the table and her eyes flicker down at it. I smile to myself shyly, covering the page over with my hand. "You'll file for a divorce if you read that."

"Ooh, why?" Her eyes sparkle. "Is it a list of bad things about me? It seems incredibly long."

"It's the opposite, actually." I linger on the words for a second. "I'm just worried you'll think I'm too soppy." The sincere shake of her head gives me confidence, and I sigh reluctantly, handing it over.

"Something I am grateful for." She reads aloud from the title of the page, and I immediately cringe, putting my head in my hands. "You're cute. Give me that." She reaches for my hand again and I give in, still sitting my chin in the palm of my other one. "I don't know when I realised that I had fallen in love with Carla, but the fact I did, and the fact she loves me back, is something I am most grateful for. Although it brought with it a lot of confusion about who I am, and my sexuality, I've come to realise that it's not as important to worry over labels or understanding the deeper parts of my mind, when somebody can make that seem so simple. When something triggers my panic or worry, it's usually Carla who calms me down, whether she's there in person, or just the thought of how my life seems so much more comfortable with her in it."

"Ok, this is embarrassing." I extend my arm to take it and she holds it out of reach. "Carla, ugh."

"Today I'm grateful for the fact we have taken a big step forwards in our life together. After finally getting the factory back, I've noticed how much happier she seems, which had influenced my own happiness." She continues to read. "As I write, I'm identifying all the things on the surface which I love. Then again, what don't I love?"

"I'm going to throw up."

"Except how she's chewing on that cup. Although I don't really mind that much, it was more annoying when she chewed her hair as a kid." She looks up, raising an eyebrow and I force back a laugh, knowing my face was flushed as I try to cover it with my spare hand. "I'm grateful for how her eyes are the same colour as the sea when we were in Malta. I noticed on the beach and didn't stop staring at her for about ten minutes. Hopefully she didn't notice me." Carla pauses, looking at me again. "I did."

"Great."

"I'm grateful for the way she pushes her hair behind her ear when she's about to concentrate on something. I'm grateful for the scent of her perfume that I can just about catch from my desk. I'm grateful for how safe she makes me feel when..." She finishes, turning the page, hoping for more. She actually seems disappointed. "When what?"

"Well you interrupted me." I pout, taking it back from her and stuffing it into my desk drawer. "You happy now? Hope I've boosted your ego."

"...That's the sweetest thing."

"Yeah right." I scoff, trying to compose myself and fanning my face from the heat it has built up. "I sound like a ten year old kid writing one of those 'what I did in the holidays' essays."

"Michelle." She draws my attention back to her and I roll my head in her direction. "It's beautiful." She holds my gaze for a second and I can't help smiling slightly, pushing my fist upwards to conceal it. "Stop worrying." She laughs gently, getting up and falling into my lap. "It's amazing. I'm flattered. Genuinely, that's the nicest thing I've ever read about me. And for the record, I'm grateful for everything about you too."

"Mm..." I mumble, burying my head in her hand. "Well there's your daily ego boost. I'm not going to become an author any time soon."

"Oh well if that's what you're books are about, I'd read them." She grins proudly. "And I never read."

"I know I'm surprised you managed to get through that." I tease her and she leans in to kiss me, laughing softly against my lips.

"Mrs Connor... _Connor's_." The door opens and I groan quietly, retracting myself as I look over at where Beth is leant against the door. Awkwardly, she shifts her hands into her pockets, realising she had interrupted a moment. "...Sorry. I should have knocked."

"Good job I'm in a good mood." Carla lifts herself from my embrace, pacing around to her desk again. "What's the matter?"

"It's about our Sinead." She introduces and Carla's eyes narrow as she glances out of the window, clearly only just realising we were a machinist down. "I know she walked out yesterday but... Well she really wants her job back-"

"Hang on." Carla holds a hand up, stopping her and turning to glance at me. "Sinead resigned?"

"Oh, yeah." I chew my lip apologetically. "Sorry, another thing I forgot to mention."

"Why did she walk?"

"She didn't like the way Alya spoke to her." Beth begins to explain and Carla nods in knowledgable understanding.

"Yeah well, I don't blame her then. Tell her she can start back this afternoon."

"Really?" Beth looks shocked at Carla's generosity.

"Well, I don't recall her handing in any notice." She shrugs, playfully. "As far as I'm aware, it never happened." Beth exchanges an excited smile with her. "Now go on, back to your machine. I'm not going that soft."

Carla turns her back, as Beth does the same, hesitating before calling over to her again. "Mrs C?" The echo of her words cause Carla to spin back around, waiting on what was to follow. "It's good to have you back."

The shut of the door prolongs the smile that creeps over Carla's face, lowering herself onto the desk and crossing her legs. Gazing around the room, she seems proud of herself whilst engrossed in thought. "Yeah, it's good to be back."

"Are you ok?" My words take a second for her to absorb, clearly stuck in a trance as she gazes around the office. As her head tilts back to face me, a look of expectancy clouds her expression, prompting me to elaborate. "After last night. Are you ok?"

"Mm." Is all she mumbles, giving a brief nod of her head. I was debating whether to broach the subject, not wanting to upset her again, but I felt it necessary to check all the same. "...I'm getting there."

After receiving the supportive smile I offer her, she gets up, pacing over to Aidan's old shelf, which I was grateful to Alya for not clearing. It was decorated with only a few items, things which, to him, would have offered some kind of sentimental value. I wondered if he'd pondered over the items before taking his life, if he'd sat into the late hours on his last working day. The grins on the faces of him and Kate, solidified into the photo frame at the front, made me think perhaps not. Perhaps he couldn't bear to look. Perhaps the thought of that grin fading off Kate's face would have changed his already decided mindset.

I look on as Carla runs her finger along the building dust that lines the dark wood. The way she so delicately handles everything, as if they were diamonds in a jewellers worth thousands of pounds. But to her, it meant more than that, to her, these things were priceless.

* * *

"In the bag." I tap the mobile phone against my knuckles victoriously, emerging from the bedroom. "God, Hanlen likes to call at the most inconvenient times, doesn't he?"

"Trust me, I learnt the hard way." Carla pipes up from the sofa, bundled in a fluffy dressing gown as she surfs the internet.

"Now, where were we?" I lean down over the back of the sofa, pulling the collar of her dressing gown back and lacing kisses against her neck. She mumbles softly for a moment, trying not to smile at the intimacy.

"That tickles."

"It's not supposed to tickle." I laugh against her skin, deepening my movements. "It's supposed to seduce you."

"Oh ok, well if you cast your filthy mind to my computer screen, you might be interested in what I'm looking at."

"I'm interested in what I'm looking at." I try to distract her, realising I'm not getting anything back and trying to control myself. "Ok, ok." I sigh, taking a seat next to her and tilting my head to look at the screen. The NHS logo is the first flash of light I catch, worry embedding my expression. "Oh... Are you not feeling well?" I suddenly fret, raising the back of my hand to her cheek and she brushes me off, softening at my actions. "Is it your kidney?"

"Michelle!" She exclaims, causing me to fall silent. She laughs at the pout on my lips, leaning in to lightly peck it away. "I'm fine, stress head." She finally tilts the laptop to face me. "Babies."

"Ohh." My eyebrows raise in realisation, excitement bubbling inside me. "Wow..." I bite my lip, watching the certainty in her expression. "Who are you and what have you done with Carla Connor?"

"Who's having babies?" Ryan emerges from the bedroom and we both jump, doing a double-take at his appearance. I pull the silk dressing gown around me tightly, my mind catapulting over the inappropriate things I'd voiced under the impression that he wasn't within earshot.

"Ryan!" I snap, and he stops in his tracks, lowering the cracker from his mouth. "When did you get here?"

"I've been here all day." He frowns, dangling the keys he produces from his pocket. "Remember? You got me one cut?"

"Well... You never came to say hello when we got in from work!" I realise my face is probably flushed with embarrassment. "I had no idea you were in."

"Good job Carla turned you down then." He smirks and Carla stifles a short laugh, before holding back at the glare I shoot her. He leans forward on the kitchen counter when he reaches it, daring to imitate me. "'It's not supposed to tickle'."

"Ryan." I warn him, nudging Carla frustratedly. "Carla, will you tell him?"

"You're his mum." Carla reminds me, exchanging an amused look with Ryan and promptly closing the laptop lid when his eyes move to it.

"Who's having babies then?"

"Uh, Shona." Carla is quick to cover up, plucking a name from thin air. I don't know why it's the first one to hand, but it works all the same. "Yeah, Roy was telling me earlier."

"Is it David's?" His eyes widen as mine narrow, confused as to why he would have any other assumptions.

"...I'd guess so." Carla answers bluntly. She had always been a good liar, I was unsure whether it was a good or bad trait, but I just hoped she was sticking to small white lies from now on. "Why, are you worried it could be yours?"

"I don't think so." He rubs the stubble on his chin, deep in thought and I whip my head back around, watching the crease of his smile as he realises he caught me again. "No. Many children of Weatherfield I could possibly be the father of, but not hers."

"Brilliant. That really sets my mind at ease." I stand up, realising that any hopes of sex had now been shattered completely by his appearance. "I thought you and Bethany were together anyway."

"We're not 'together'." He waggles his fingers in the air, as I pull the dish out of the oven. "It's nothing exclusive."

"Yes well be careful." I warn him, having learnt of Bethany's struggles over the past few years. "Don't push anything with her."

"Why?" He's suddenly confused and it prompts me to realise that they clearly hadn't had that discussion yet. "You're my mum, not hers."

"Yes, I know Ryan. I'm just saying, make sure she's ready before you try anything." Is all I conclude with, glancing at the dip of Carla's head as she fiddles with the bracelet on her arm. The same one I had bought her when she was in hospital months ago.

"Yeah Ryan, just be careful how you handle things, that's all she's saying." Carla sighs, her eyes flickering upwards. "Some women are more insecure, some haven't had it so easy."

I abandon the dish on the side, lowering myself onto the arm of the sofa and leaning down to kiss her forehead. She flashes me an appreciative smile, reaching for my hand. Ryan looks on, his brow furrowing in confusion, debating whether to leave it and move on or not. Exhaling in thought, I wave my spare hand to the arm chair and he lowers himself into it.

"This is probably something she should tell you, if you are both serious. But I think it's safer to warn you now than if you get yourself in too deep." I explain, lifting my legs over the top of the sofa and sliding down next to Carla, slipping my arm around her shoulders as she slots into my chest. For the first time, he actually seems to listen, waiting for me to inform him further. "Bethany was groomed last year, Ryan."

"...Eh?" He frowns, not familiar with the word and I pause, opening my mouth to try and explain, but Carla gets there first.

"She was raped." The words hang in the air, my fingers automatically grazing her arm up and down. She stays silent for a few seconds as Ryan absorbs the information, before daring to speak again. "Badly. I don't know much about it if I'm honest. I was away at this point. Michelle probably knows more."

"She was taken in by a man a lot older than her. He basically primed her by pretending to be in love with her, and then sold her for sex." I explain what I know of the situation and Ryan's eyes fall to the floor. "I mean, I don't know the ins and outs, Ry, but all I'm saying is just take into consideration that if you do decide to take it to that level, it might take time and understanding."

"God..." Ryan contemplates under his breath.

"I'm sorry... It's not a nice thing to hear. At all." I swallow, feeling the goosebumps prickling on Carla's arms and turning to look at how she is still distracting herself with the bracelet.

"Just wait until she broaches the subject. If she's worth it, you'll wait." Carla looks up eventually and Ryan studies her, seeping up her knowledge. "In my experience, it took a a few failed attempts at trying and feeling comfortable again, but hopefully if she trusts you, you'll get there. I know I did."

A chill descends in the air, my eyes gradually lifting to the look of shock and misunderstanding on Ryan's face. I tense up, and Carla notices, about to try and cover over her words before Ryan stammers his own response. "...What?"

"Oh... God." She shifts awkwardly next to me and I bite down on my tongue. Whether it was that it slipped my mind to tell him at the time, or whether I was trying to protect him, I didn't know. I guess over time I'd assumed the topic would never arise. "Sorry... Chelle. I thought..."

"Hey, it's fine, baby." I calm the panic in her expression, swallowing hard. I still kicked myself for never being there when it happened, but when I had found out, the only person I had really discussed it with was Ciaran, having not wanted to breach Carla's privacy. I finally have the courage to turn back to Ryan, scared he might be angry with me, but his expression now holds a look of acceptance. He flashes us both a warm smile, before getting up and leaning down to wrap Carla in a hug.

"I love you." Is all he says, popping a kiss onto her head before exiting to his bedroom. Carla sits in silence for a minute. I couldn't decipher whether she looked upset or peaceful.

"Sorry, me and my stupid mouth."

"Carla, no, don't start that." I whisper, pulling her in to me and she rests her head in my chest, feeling the motion of my hand on her back. "I should have thought, bringing the topic up and all. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, honestly. I'm fine." She pulls back and I realise she seems very calm, almost laughing off my worry again. "It was a long time ago. I was just trying to help Ryan." It erases my stress, slowing the beat of my heart as I graze her cheekbone with the pad of my thumb. "It's nice having a step-son who actually likes me. Never mind telling me he loves me."

"They both do." I reassure her, realising her desire to change the subject. "Although I hope Ali means it in the same way as Ryan."

"Oh." She raises an eyebrow, pulling me in to kiss her. "We going to bed then?"

"It's only seven. We haven't had dinner yet." I begin, before she arches her brow further, a cocky smile on her lips. "...You said no."

"I never said no." She reminds me and I think back. "I just like to keep you on your toes."

"Are you sure?"

"Am I a china doll?" She asks, and I refrain from checking again, knowing she wanted to move on from the earlier conversation. I give a slight shake of my head, pressing a gentle kiss against her lips. Taking the hand she extends, I let her guide me up from the sofa, proceeding towards the bedroom.

"Ryan?" I release a muffled cry between the flurry of kisses. Carla takes a step back, looking at expectantly and a soft giggle escapes my lips. Hearing a faint response from the bedroom up the hall, I try to divert my eyes from where she is untying her dressing gown, teasingly, raising my voice once more. "Help yourself to dinner! We'll be eating later."


	34. Conviction

**Chapter 34:**

 _ **A/N: Opinions expressed are obviously those of the characters. I really wanted to bring a certain character back briefly, so I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **References: manchesterfertility . com**_

 _ **Trigger warning: Some strong language.**_

 **Michelle**

A gust of gentle breeze catches my hair as we leave Victoria Court. The summer was in full swing, another bright glorious day that we had been blessed with. High-pitched excited squeals of laughter could be heard in the distance from the Red-Rec; children making the most of their summer holiday. Tim was hovering at the top of a ladder, backed against the wall of a nearby flat as he swishes bubbles over the glass reflecting the cloudless sky. I wished my spirits were as high as the kite I can see flying in the distance, and as positive as the weather around us. But frustratingly, I felt on edge as soon as I had left the building. I had no explanation as to why; back in the flat I'd felt perfectly fine. But I was finding an annoyance at panic striking whenever it felt like it, without warning, and as much as I tried to push it away, it would still linger, whether it was predominant or just hidden in the back of my mind.

Hanging back against the wall, Carla takes a few steps forward without noticing, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. It's a matter of seconds before she turns, shifting the sunglasses onto the top of her head to observe me fully. She doesn't say anything, just holds her hand out and swallowing the lump in my throat I force myself to take it. "You ok?" She gives it a gentle squeeze, proceeding to walk slowly so as to not scare me. I just give a small nod, trying to pass it off as nothing as I push my hair behind my ear. "Do you want to stop?"

"I'm fine." I lie, eyes fixed on the path ahead. They don't leave the corner of the street, envisioning images of what could lie behind it. I had no idea. Although I had passed the corner hundreds, probably thousands of times throughout my duration of living here, it didn't calm the fact that I could be faced with anything. I couldn't see what lay ahead. He could lie ahead. He could walk around at any point. He was going to walk around. I sensed him coming. He had a gun.

"Ok, ok." I realise Carla has stopped as I jump in panic, feeling as if my heart had jolted out of place. I let out a scared whimper, trying to contain it as best as possible as soon as a man has rounded the corner. He puts his hand into his pocket. It was a gun. I knew it was a gun. "Michelle, look at me." Carla's words are only very faint as I keep my eyes glued to the figure, vision hazy with tears all of a sudden. Why was I crying? I needed to run.

"We need to run." Is all I can tell her through my rapid breathing.

"Run from what?" Her voice is soft and understanding, which is unexpected, and it might be the surprise of that which pulls my gaze to face her. She wasn't asking to patronise me, or even as if she didn't understand. She was asking to help me, to work it through together. Trying to compose my thoughts, I drag a hand across my face. "Think slowly."

"The man." I stammer, and at the release of words I suddenly realise how stupid I sound. Why was she even with me? I was hassle. She was going to be late for work. The machinists would be outside now, checking their watches, tutting to themselves. They'd think I was hassle. Through the new stresses arising, I nearly forget about my original worry, and as the thought comes back to me I feel a wave of sickness hit. My eyes dart back to him, he was still fumbling in his pocket. "Phelan."

"It's not Phelan, sweetie." She reassures me, pointing him out.

"He's got a gun." I continue, and she doesn't leave my side, just watches with me. I look on as he finally grabs hold of what he is searching for, pulling his car keys out of his pockets and clicking them at his nearby Kia. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to notice my pathetic showdown from further up the street. That was one good thing, I suppose. One positive thing to focus on. 'Focus on the positive things in those situations', Ali's words embed my thoughts as my breathing slows.

"He's just getting on with his life." She tells me, and my eyes don't leave him until he has driven off down the road. "Ok? He's just a normal man. He's not going to hurt you."

"You'll be late for work." I divert, refusing to look back at her now that I don't have him to focus on. My gaze falls to the pavement, resisting the slightest blink in case I miss something. "The machinists will be waiting."

Upon feeling her finger under my chin, and the gentle guide upwards, I give in, letting her lift my eyes to hers. "I don't care about work. I care about you." I gradually realise my heart rate is normalising, adjusting back to my calmed state. My cheeks flush. A layer of sweat forming on the back of my neck, beneath my hair. I was so pathetic. Why did I make such a big deal of things? Why was Carla still here? Why hadn't she run off? Why wasn't she laughing at how stupid I was?

 _Because, Michelle, she loves you._

"Michelle? I love you." I realise she's been waiting for me to fall back into reality, and as I do, my hands fly over my face.

"For God's sake." I burst into tears, having no other method of coping and before I can think any further, my head is rested on her shoulder. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shh." She soothes me, her hand moving comfortingly up and down my back. I mumble repetitively about being stupid into the soft fabric of her top. "Hey, you're not stupid, you're human." She pulls back, cupping my face with her hands. "It's understandable. I understand, ok? Nobody saw, it's just me and you, you've got no reason to feel stupid."

"I want it to stop." I continue to cry and she nods, brushing the tears away as I try to force them back. My throat aches in doing so, but I had only been awake an hour and a half and I had already embarrassed myself enough for the day, so I refused to cry anymore. "I knew something would happen. As soon as I got outside. My head kept telling me something bad was around the corner. Over and over again."

"Well I mean, you've got Sally Webster's house." She cracks a smile and it causes my lips to twitch upwards. "No seriously, darlin', there's nothing bad around there. Nothing that's going to hurt you. Do you want me to show you?"

I give a small shake of my head, a shred of fear still preventing me from doing so.

"Do you want a coffee first?" She points to Roy's, which I realise is a matter of steps behind me. "Clear your head?"

"Ok." I swallow, accepting that it seemed like a suitable option. She smiles warmly, kissing my nose and wrapping her arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the building.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Carla links our fingers, strutting into the café as if nothing had happened for my sake. Somehow, she knew exactly how to handle these situations, whether she had done research or she just knew how she'd want to be treated from her own experience, I didn't know, but it set me at ease.

I manage a smile in greeting to Shona, looking into the cabinet for a moment before shaking my head. "Just a coffee."

"Two coffees. One milky, one strong as you can get it." Carla holds a five pound note out to Shona and she accepts it gratefully. "Roy in?"

"Yeah he's upstairs. Said he's got some books to sort for Brian." She shrugs, pulling a face at the thought. "Want me to grab him?"

"No, it's ok." Carla assures her, before pointing to a nearby table and I edge my way towards it. Making sure I sit at the back, I have a clear view of everyone in the café, eyes darting left and right for a few seconds, before Carla's face comes into view. "I'm over here."

"I know." I roll my eyes at how she's pointing to where she's sat opposite me and she reaches for my hand across the table. "I'm such a pain. You should be at work now."

"Right, but I'm not, I'm here, so get used to it." She teases me and it makes me smile, pleased she wasn't wrapping me in cotton wool. "My vows didn't mean nothing, you know? I promised I'd put up with you and I will. I want to."

"You don't say that like it's a very appealing thing."

"Well then you underestimate yourself Michelle Connor." She leans forward, lifting my hand to kiss it. "You handled that really well."

"Did I 'eck."

"You didn't have a panic attack." She taps my hand impressively. "You seemed a lot more aware of your thoughts."

"Well I didn't feel it." I look down at the table, sighing.

"You're getting there." She cuts the short silence, saying it meaningfully. "Seriously, Chelle, it takes guts to reach out for help, admit when your head isn't in the right place."

"I could have gone back inside, you know? When I left the flat and knew something was going to happen. If I'd have said, would you have let me go back?" I ask and she nods, waiting for more. "But I didn't because there's this fight or flight thing, and if you run away, you won't learn from it, you'll be hiding from the panic and reality. But if you face up to it, even if it scares you, you'll learn to fight it and you'll get better at dealing with it in the future."

"That's a very good analogy." She seems impressed with my knowledge. I felt grateful, lucky that she would sit in front of me and just listen. Understand and not ridicule or get fed up of my constant worrying. "I'm proud you opted for the latter."

"So am I." I admit, playing with her fingers distractedly. "Every cloud, hey?"

"Every cloud." She repeats, grazing my cheek and I look up to hold her gaze lovingly for a moment. The soft thump of two mugs on the table draws us back from one another, and Shona hands me a small jug of milk.

"Thank you." I take it from her, as she places a hand on her hip, eyes moving between us both.

"Leisurely morning off work then, is it?"

"Ah, seems like it." Carla takes a sip from her mug. "Gotta keep Sally on her toes. I hope she's taken the hint to open up." She produces her phone from her bag, quickly typing out a text as Shona heads back behind the counter.

"They're going to be raging at me for leaving them outside on the step." I mutter, watching the milky whirlpool spin below me as I stir my spoon around my mug.

"Who said it was you?" Carla raises an eyebrow. "I couldn't decide which shoes I wanted to wear today, left us running late."

"I don't deserve you." I smile, touched at her excuse and she scoffs slightly at the statement I offer in return. "I really don't."

"You don't think I lie there every night watching you and saying that same thing to myself?" She puts her phone down, focusing back on me. "Stop putting yourself down. You deserve much better than me, and you settled."

"I didn't settle. I fell in love." I tell her and she hangs off my words. If there hadn't been an interruption, I'd have been prepared for her to lean across the table to kiss me. But instead, the door swings open, and in comes my more reckless, dishevelled son, clearly hungover after a night on the town.

"Ah, just the people. I'm starving." Ryan drops down into the seat next to Carla and I pull a face at how his hair is sticking out at odd angles. "Shona? Full English and a coffee please babe." He calls over to her and she just nods in response.

"Babe?" I repeat, exchanging a look with Carla. "And I expect we'll be paying for that and all."

"Since you're offering." He folds his arms cheekily, before clearly spotting the faintest marks on my cheeks where my foundation had been ruined by my tears. Trust him. Even Carla hadn't pointed it out. "You ok? You been crying?"

"No... We got caught in the... Rain." I begin to lie, before looking out the window at the still bright sunshine. He furrows his brow, but doesn't question it further. "How are you after last night's conversation?"

"Uh, I'm ok." He just shrugs it off, which I think is best for Carla's sake. I knew she wouldn't want any awkwardness between them or to rake up the past. Especially when I'd set emotions on edge for both of us. "If you want a good night out, go to Shakey's in town. They do seven Jäger bombs for a tenner. Seven."

"...We'll bear that in mind." Carla drones, knowing full well that cheap shots and scuzzy clubs weren't our priority right now.

"Full English." Shona puts it down in front of Ryan, along with a coffee and he rubs his hands together excitedly.

"Just what I need this." He licks his lips and Shona studies his bedraggled appearance.

"Out drinking all night then?"

"You know it." Ryan grins, before his face falls slightly. "Oh wait, you don't know it at the moment, do you?"

"Sorry?" Shona frowns, and it takes me a second to catch up with what Ryan is implying, dread seeping in.

"Well you can't drink at the moment." Ryan points out, and Carla's eyes widen as they fixate on mine. "With the baby and all that. Tell you what, I could never be pregnant, couldn't give up the booze. Good job I'm a bloke, eh?"

"I'm not pregnant!" Shona exclaims, looking quite offended as she peers down at her apron.

"Yes, you are."

"Ryan!" I snap under my breath.

"Oh... Is it not a public announcement yet?" He suddenly bites his lip, Shona's face full of annoyance. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"No, I'm _not_ pregnant." She emphasises, and Ryan falls silent, turning to look at the regretful expressions on our faces. "But I won't be eating my mid-morning cake anymore."

She walks off in a huff and I lower my head into my hands. Ryan pushes his plate away an inch, gaze darting between us expectantly.

"Right." He addresses our guilty expressions, folding his arms again as if he was the parent. "Well if Shona's not having babies, then who is?"

 **Carla**

"What time have you got therapy?" I slam the car door after parking between Underworld and the garage. It seemed so lazy, going back to the flat to get the car, only to drive it five hundred yards up the road. But it needed valeting and it also set Michelle at ease.

"One." Michelle slings her bag over her shoulder, producing the factory keys from her pocket.

I give a brief nod before Tyrone steps out of the garage, hoodie pulled over his overalls, giving us a small wave in greeting. "Ah, Ty? Don't suppose you've got a slot to valet this today, have you?" I tap the bonnet of my Mercedes and he eyes it up, looking impressed. So he should, it cost me an arm and a leg as it is.

"Yeah, we're fairly quiet." He checks his watch. "Kev's at the hospital with Jack until noon but I'm sure I can fit you in."

"Oh, how is Jack?" Michelle joins me, concern written into her expression. She cared so much for other people, it was one of the many reasons I loved her.

"On the mend." Tyrone flashes her an appreciative smile, taking the keys I offer out to him. "Gold, I presume?"

"You know it." I smirk subtly, before taking Michelle's hand in mine and guiding her towards the factory. "You ok?"

"Better, thank you." She lowers her tone, slipping through the doors as the whirl of machines fill our heads.

"Right." I clap my hands and the noise suddenly cuts out. I can tell from a few expressions that they were wondering on the excuse for our delayed appearance, but didn't dare ask all the same.

"Morning Mrs Connors." Beth chirps, overly-enthusiastically and it causes my eyes to narrow suspiciously.

"Can you just call me Michelle? It's too confusing otherwise." Michelle addresses her, as Beth slumps back in her chair.

"Yes, we're a little late, no, we're not going to discuss it further." I announce dominantly and Michelle smiles to herself. "Where's Sally?"

"In the office." Izzy points behind me and I turn to peer through the window at where Sally had seated herself at the spare desk.

"Get this Hanlen order nailed." I just add before heading into the office. Sally looks up as soon as the door opens, standing promptly and clasping her hands in a professional manner. "Sally."

"Hello Mrs Connors." She greets and Michelle groans at the title. "I just thought since you were running late that I'd slip into the office, check if anything needed doing. Nothing to report. You know I'm always prepared to step up to a managerial role when you can't-"

"Thanks Sal." I hold a hand up to stop her and her mouth falls closed. "Well you can _slip_ back outside again now, can't you? How's the Hanlen order coming along?"

"Right on schedule." She consults her clipboard, gathering her shiny pen from the desk. "It should be done by next Friday."

"Good." I nod, dismissing her and she leaves promptly. Clicking the button on the answer phone, I wait for the beep and to hear there's no new messages, despite mainly believing Sally's word.

"I've got a meeting later." Michelle coughs awkwardly, taking up her seat and pulling her wedding planning folder out of her bag. "Sorry, I'm a terrible wife today. Leaving you in the lurch. You can sack me."

"Sack you from what? Our marriage or the business?" I muse, leafing through the filing cabinet.

"The _business_." I turn to see how she is staring at me with a small smile on her face. "Unless you want to sack me from that and all. I wouldn't blame you, after earlier."

"Will you stop that?" I spin around, hands on hips. Pausing before reaching for my bag, I rifle through it, searching for the envelope. "I want you here with me, in business and pleasure." Whipping it out of my bag, I hold it out towards her. "Maybe that'll help you realise."

"What's this?" Michelle frowns, hesitantly prizing it from my grip and neatly opening the fastening. "Your best wishes?"

"Ten percent of this place." I reveal, before she can hardly read the letter. "So you have fifty. I have fifty." I spin her chair around with my one hand, turning her to face me. "Equal partners." I crouch down to her level, popping a quick kiss on her surprised lips. "What do you say? Hm? Shake on it?"

"You're really prepared to trust me that much?" She raises an eyebrow, slipping her hand into mine and shaking it gently.

"You've never given me a reason not to." I laugh it off, brushing the hair behind her ear. "Are you having an affair? Murdered anyone?"

"Not that I know of."

"Are you straight?"

"Definitely not." She giggles, her eyes fluttering up to mine as I lean in.

"Then we're good to go." I kiss her and she smiles against my lips. "Partner."

 **Michelle**

The same pang of worry sets in as I prepare to leave the medical centre, slipping a folder of notes under my arm. I remember the techniques I have learnt five minutes prior to this moment. I'd just endured an hour of learning how to deal with this, if there was any time I should feel safest, it was now.

However as soon as the door has closed behind me, I realise there's no need to drag up the conversation from beforehand. "Shouldn't you be working?"

"Ooh, sorry." Carla grins, looking up from her phone and slipping it into her pocket. She holds her hand out and I take it, unable to stop smiling at her appearance. "How did it go?"

"Um, well they told me my work from last week was really good."

"Clever girl."

"You're not picking me up from school." I nudge her playfully as we walk along.

"Thought I could take you for a late lunch?" You must be starving." She offers and I just shrug in response, causing her to take a second to observe me. "What have you eaten today?"

"Hm." I just laugh under my breath to myself and she rolls her eyes, raising a finger to her lips. "Ok, I had a coffee."

"Right that settles it then, Bistro or Rovers?" She stops, realising we had walked past the pub by now and I eye up the restaurant in front of me, swallowing hard.

"Not the Bistro." I just beg quietly and she sighs, turning to face me. "I know, I know. I'm being stupid."

"I didn't say that." She tugs me back towards the pub. "You've gotta go back there at some point, babe."

"I will! When I'm ready."

"Ok. I know." She kisses my temple, ushering me into the pub. "Sit down, I'll go to the bar."

Busying myself to try and keep my head dipped, I just ripple the pages in my folder with my finger, pulling out the leaflet I had crammed in there for safe keeping. I wasn't interested in conversing with anybody other than Carla right now, and I could picture somebody walking in to ask me how was doing. Jenny had started acting as if I was terminally ill. Thankfully, one person understood.

"What have you got there then?" Carla places a fizzy water down in front of me and I take a grateful sip, now aware of how thirsty I was. "Enlighten me."

"Just more work."

"Well can you tell them you're running two businesses?" She eyes it up warily, as I point out a therapeutic colouring sheet I had been given. "Ah, you've even got a colouring book."

"Shut up." I bat her away. "I need colouring pencils."

"Well maybe I'll buy you some if you do your homework and make your bed like a good girl."

"Carla!" I exclaim and she looks apologetic for a moment. "...We both know I'm far from a good girl."

"Oh?" She leans forward on her elbow, suddenly alert and I wink very subtly, filing everything back away again. "What's that?"

"A leaflet I picked up on my way out." I slide it forwards and she studies the titling on the front.

IVF and Medical Conception.

"Ooh, well they are teaching you some strange coping mechanisms." She teases, flicking through it briefly. "If you're in a female same-sex relationship and want to have a family, we will help you achieve it. We have over 30 years experience in helping same-sex couples to have children, giving us knowledge and understanding of your unique needs." Her eyes move to the picture of two women holding a brochure at a reception desk. "Reckon they're actually a couple?"

"Probably not." I shrug, as she diverts back to the text.

"All our sperm donors are HFEA registered..." She recites, trailing off as she scans over the bullet points. "In... Intraut... Intrauterine insemination." She tries to spell out and I laugh at her attempts. "Carefully timed for when you ovulate, blah blah."

"This is important." I hiss and she looks up briefly, before returning to the leaflet. I scan the pub, before propping a menu so it can block the sight of the title on the front. "And keep your voice down."

"IVF with donor sperm." She reads quieter. "This involves retrieving your eggs and fertilising them in a laboratory with semen from your donor. The resulting embryos are then transferred into your uterus to begin growing as in a normal pregnancy... I know what that one is. Fertility MOT... Ooh, I'll ask Tyrone when I pick the car up if he offers that one."

"What even is that?" I take the leaflet back, reading aloud. "This is a useful option if you and your partner wish to have a family, but aren't sure how fertile you are. It's a series of simple tests, including ovarian reserve tests, which will give you an indication of your fertility status... That's probably the way forward."

"We haven't really discussed much... What the plans are." She links her fingers with mine across the table. "How it would work."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we both know you're more fertile than me." She admits and I pause, debating the subject in my mind.

"Not necessarily-"

"You're younger." She inserts. "And you've carried babies to full term."

"...Not always." I try to stop my voice cracking but it does and she can't help the flash of sympathy in her eyes. "Just Ali."

"...Sorry." She swallows, squeezing my hand. "Sorry."

"We both need to do the testing anyway." I decide, trying to divert the topic. "And whoever has the best environment for... It. I suppose will sway our decision."

"Meanwhile, we need to think of a way to throw Ryan off."

"Oh he won't clock it." I assure her. "Even if we shoved this leaflet in front of his face, he'd have no clue."

"Alright?" A voice snaps our heads around, and Carla tries to discard the leaflet before Kate can see it. "What's that?"

"Just uh... Therapy stuff." I lie, as she scoots into the booth next to Carla. I was quite irritated; finally we had gotten around to having the conversation, and there would have to be an interruption.

"I didn't realise artificial insemination cured PTSD." She keeps her voice down, a cocky look on her face all the same. Carla exchanges a look with me, deciding whether to try and lie it out, or give in. "I won't tell." Kate sighs, holding her hands up. "But if you really want to keep that private, I suggest looking through it at home."

"Ok thanks for your advice." I snap sulkily and her eyes flick between us, an amused smile on her face. "Didn't realise your eyesight was so good."

"Oh I recognise the picture on the front from a mile off, the amount of times I sat staring at it on the coffee table, waiting for Caz to FaceTime me." She thinks back and Carla narrows her eyes.

"You were thinking of having a baby?"

"Well, we were engaged. So naturally we were just browsing steps forward." She shrugs if off and I lean back, observing her expression.

"Please don't say anything." I beg. "If the rest of the family catch on, it'll be too much pressure and we'd rather handle it our way in our own time."

"Hey, hey. I understand." She assures me, glancing across at Carla. "You're quiet today."

"I wasn't until now." Carla just responds shortly, clearly embarrassed about being caught out. Taking the leaflet as she discreetly holds it out, I stow it back away in my folder.

"So... Who's the mummy, who's the daddy?"

"That's a very stereotypical view." Carla arches her brow. "For a lesbian." She adds as Kate laughs softly. "And we don't know yet. We're just floating some ideas around, now that Eva's keeping custody of Suzie."

"Wow, you want to be a mum." She nudges Carla excitedly. "Who'd have thought it, ey?"

"Well, I love her." She flicks a finger towards me and I can't help smiling warmly. "And we haven't got forever, have we? Far from it."

"Ok, we're not OAP's just yet." I slap her hand gently, my voice softening. "We'll just see what happens."

* * *

"I really don't want to go." I beg Carla, concerned I might actually burst into tears at the thought of stepping foot back in the Bistro. "Please can we just stay here?"

"It's Johnny's birthday."

"We're not even on good terms." I remind her and she sighs, turning to face me. "Please."

"Chelle, listen-"

"No, Carla. I've said I don't want to go." I realise I sound like a spoilt kid, but she doesn't seem to show any signs of getting angry at me. Instead she moves forward, scooping the hair out of my face.

"Listen." She says softer, and I give in, focusing on the warmth of her eyes. "It could be any restaurant. It could be anywhere for that matter. Nothing is going to happen. I'm going to stay with you the whole time." She pauses, grazing a thumb over my cheekbone. "Sweetie, it'll be two hours, max. And then you'll feel so proud of yourself."

"I can't go back there."

"You can. You can, I believe in you." She whispers meaningfully. "You remember when I was held hostage in Underworld? I was dreading going back. The thought made me feel sick. I didn't think I could face that either. But I pushed myself and as soon as I got used to the environment again, I was fine. It never even crosses my mind now. But I just kept thinking; he's gone. He's gone and he can't do it again. And that's what you've got to think, because he's never coming back, Michelle. I promise you. He's ashes, just like he deserves to be."

"...Ok."

"Ok?" Her eyes level with mine as I nod slowly. "And you look amazing. Drop dead gorgeous. If I were that way inclined, I'd marry ya."

"Oh that's a shame." I link our fingers, my eyes drifting to them. "Thought I was in with a chance."

"Mm." She kisses me, a hand moving through my loose curls. "You ready then?"

"Hang on." I stop her as she proceeds out of the flat. She immediately stops, waiting for me to throw out some more excuses about how I didn't want to go, but instead I lean down to take the two envelopes from the pile of post on the side. The logo on the front had caught my eye, and I'd tensed up at the sight of it. "...What are these?"

"Visiting orders?" She questions herself, taking her envelope from my grip and tearing it open. "You've got one too?"

"Apparently." I start to open my own, weighing up her expression as she reads down the sheet. There was only one person it really could be, unless she had any secrets. Then a flicker of panic punches my chest. "It's not Will?"

"Rob." She answers, her tone curious, and although I shouldn't, I breathe a sigh of relief. "...What does he want this time?"

"Why've we both got one?" I identify his name on my own sheet, glancing at hers to realise it was for the same visiting appointment. "You got any skeletons in the closet?"

"For once, no. The closet doors are well and truly open." She shakes her head casually, her eyes drifting upwards. "No thanks to you."

"Carla." I scoff, unable to stop the small smile as I study the sheet again. "What do you want to do about it?"

"Well right now..." She checks her watch. "We're ten minutes late for my dad's birthday meal so, let's deal with one unneeded complicated hurdle at once, ey?"

 **Carla**

"If it gets too much, you say the word and we'll go, ok?" I squeeze Michelle's hand as we approach the Bistro, snapping her out of a clear trance she has sunk into as soon as we've turned the corner.

Her eyes meet mine and she manages a small smile. "You're so caring."

"You've turned me all soft." I roll my eyes, trying not to blush at the prospect. I hold the door open for Michelle and she takes a few small steps inside, trying to hide her fear as she timidly glances around the place. It was weird for me as well, the last time I had been in here, the place had been kitted out with wedding decorations. I'd been held at gun point by a man I hardly knew, torn away from my family, thinking I was about to die. I would have died. If Michelle hadn't have literally taken the bullet.

"You ok?" I realise she's looking at me with concern, as if the tables had turned and I just manage a small nod. "This isn't just about me, you know? It must trigger memories for you too."

"Yeah, it does." I admit, swallowing the lump in my throat. "But we're here, hey? That's all that matters."

"Yeah." She just nods, eyes moving around the bustling restaurant as she squeezes my hand comfortingly.

"Oh, thank God you're both here." Jenny stifles a laugh as she approaches us, blue dress flowing behind her. "I was beginning to think you both wouldn't come."

"Well we had some news as we were leaving the flat." I tell her, as Kate approaches, letting go of Rana as she sights us. "Listen, neither of you have had a visiting order from Rob, have you?"

"Not me." Kate shakes her head, which is unsurprising; she hadn't seen Rob since they were children.

"Johnny's had nothing as far as I'm aware." Jenny informs us and my brow furrows in confusion. "Have you both had visit requests?"

"Yeah. I'm trying to work out why." I admit, before forcing a joke on them. "Michelle's not his daughter and all is she?"

"Well I flamin' well hope not." She looks slightly disgusted at the idea and I pull a face as I realise what I've implied.

"Yeah... Same." I tug her over towards Johnny, producing the small wrapped gift as I hand it out to him. "Happy birthday." There's an awkward tension still hanging, but his face breaks into a smile, taking it from me. "Officially an OAP, hey? How does that feel?" I try to lighten the lingering atmosphere.

"I'm really sorry, you two. The things I said were inexcusable." He admits, sincerely. "You know that I have every faith in you both. I know how happy you make each other. I was lashing out and you were in the firing line."

"It's understandable." I tap his hand with my spare one, as Michelle nods in agreement. "Clean slate? Well, as clean as we can get it."

"Yeah. I think slowly I'm regaining peace of mind." He tells us. "It's what Aidan would have wanted. He loved his family. And he loved you two running the business, so I'm really happy things worked out where that's concerned."

"Thanks Johnny." Michelle inserts gratefully.

"Are you two both alright with being back here?"

"We're managing." I kiss her temple quickly and she smiles against my embrace, settling as she feels me next to her. "I'm proud of you." I whisper once Johnny has moved on to talk to Maria. "I hope that doesn't sound patronising. But you're doing so well."

"Yeah, I am." She nods in agreement and I laugh at her modesty, pulling my arms around her as she moves to study me. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

"What an anti-climax." I roll my eyes teasingly, running a hand through her hair. "No, sweetie. That's a positive sign. It's another step forward, for both of us. We can look to the future now, just as Aidan would have wanted."

* * *

I reach my hand across to squeeze Michelle's knee under the table, and she promptly realises how much her legs are shaking. I've noticed her eyes darting around the room warily, eyeing up all the other tables, lonely partners or mournful parents sat patiently at them. Eventually, there's a familiar click, a ring, and an invasion of yellow vests starts to flood the room. I hadn't missed this. Not one bit.

"I'm surprised you both came." Rob's gruff voice greets, as he takes a seat opposite. We both sit in silence, staring back at him, waiting for some kind of elaboration. "Tracy clearly turned down the offer. I sent out orders to the only three people I even really knew on the outside."

"Never really had many friends, did you?" I finally input and he shrugs it off, partially agreeing with me. "Why are we here Rob?"

"To talk. A lot of things have happened since the last time I've seen you, sis, I thought you could fill me in."

"Why? You're in here for a reason." I point out bluntly. "So you don't have contact with the outside world, that's the point."

"I've seen the papers. I've been thinking about Aidan since I briefly spoke to you on the phone. I've seen the things happening at home. Pat Phelan." Rob glances across at Michelle, who has her hands clasped tightly on the table in front of her. His eyes move down to the ring on her finger, trying to pick up clues for conversation. "You're quiet. Still with Steve?"

"No." She practically whispers in response. "He's with Tracy now. They're engaged." A flicker of hurt shows in his face and I almost feel sympathetic.

"Oh... I assumed from the ring. You do move on fast, hey?" He tries to joke but her expression doesn't even waver. "Shame. I thought you and Steve would end up getting married, having babies."

"We did get married and we did have a baby." She just responds to his cocky smirk, surprise flaring in his expression.

"Really? That's amazing news." He actually looks interested and I freeze in my chair, begging him not to ask further. But he does. "Boy or girl? How old? You got any pictures?"

"Boy... And no. I haven't."

"Well that's a lie." He scoffs, folding his arms as he leans back in his chair and Michelle's eyes narrow in anger. "What mum doesn't take photos of her son growing up?"

"One who didn't get time." She just answers and he hesitates, the cogs in his brain practically visible as he works it out. "Before he died."

"...Oh... God... I'm sorry." He splutters, looking at me to help him out, but I just reach across the table to take Michelle's hand in mine. He studies my own hand, clearly ready to move the subject back to me, as my ring sparkles in the light. "Wow... You got another bloke on the go?"

"No." Is all I respond with, and he raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. "Is there a particular reason we're here, Rob?"

"...So... What brought you back from Devon then?" He ignores my question, continuing with his own and I huff, sitting back and letting my hands fall from the table again.

"Michelle." I quip, and he looks confused, eyes switching between us. I decide to leave out the factor that I was dying, knowing it would only cause more exhaustive questioning.

"So come on then." He rolls his eyes, clearly fed up of the short conversation. "Who are you shacked up with? You've both got rings on your fingers. Which men are your victims this time? I mean, I saw the palaver that happened on your wedding day for starters." He points to Michelle, reverting back to studying me. "You're not back with Peter?"

"You think I'm that stupid?" I scoff, hesitating before slipping my arm around Michelle's shoulders. He still doesn't clock it. If I'm honest, I don't blame him. It was hardly an obvious conclusion to reach. "Rob, we're married." I link my other hand with Michelle's on the table. He stares at us blankly for a second, before crippling with laughter. Perhaps it's the first time he's laughed since he got sent down. Maybe I should feel pleased that he experienced a seconds worth of happiness. But instead, I stupidly feel humiliated. "Why are you laughing?"

"Your stupid joke." His expression settles and I glance across to Michelle, showing no signs of amusement. "...I don't believe you. Not for a second. I don't believe you."

"And why not?" I feel anger creeping up on me. It takes him a moment to study the severity of our expressions, before he tries to compose himself.

"You are having a laugh. Surely." He concludes. "It's humorous."

"Our relationship is humorous?" Michelle snaps, clearly as bitter about his reaction as I was. "Will this help things seem any clearer?" She leans across to kiss me tightly on the lips. It wasn't the slightest bit romantic, and it was probably fairly unconvincing from the shock on my behalf. But she pulls away and I catch the disapproving look of the prison guard out of the corner of my eye, before focusing back on Rob's expression.

"Are you deluded?" His eyes widen. "Have you both gone mental? ...What the fuck, Carla?"

"Excuse me!" I slam my hand down on the table, attracting the attention of a few nearby people. The guard approaches us, a stern expression on his face.

"Is there a problem here?"

"No. Not at all." Rob suddenly cowers in his seat, like a lost little boy. Exactly the same way he had at age eleven, when he'd been backed against the wall and stripped for his lunch money by Kimberley Doyle and her friends. I'd saved him back then, but now I wasn't so inclined to do so.

"...We're fine." I just add, shortly, giving in for my own sake rather than his.

"Keep noise and physical contact to a minimum." He orders, and I am tempted to shout something at him in response. His cold exterior had been judging us from the second we arrived, it was plain to see.

"Homophobic twat." Michelle mutters under her breath, and Rob's eyes widen in realisation. He picks up on her annoyance, her use of vocabulary.

"You're actually being serious aren't you?"

"Yes. Rob." I keep my voice low, trying to control my anger all the same. "We're in love. We're married. We're having a baby."

"You're having a what now?" He almost spits the words out in shock, immediately comparing both our stomachs and I roll my eyes. "Which one of you?" I ignore the question, deciding not to tell him we weren't at that stage yet, in fear of him trying to persuade us otherwise. "This is ridiculous. Absolutely insane."

"And why's that?"

"Because for starters, you both like men." He puts it plainly and I scratch my forehead in thought, leaning forwards into the palm of my hand. "Neither of you have ever indicated you're slightly into other women."

"I'm not 'into other women'." I conclude. "I've never felt like this about any woman except Michelle."

"Ah, that's sweet." He shakes his head in disbelief, patronising my confession. "I still don't know whether I believe it."

"Ugh." Michelle pulls her phone out, showing him her wallpaper briefly; one of the photos taken of us at the altar. Just before it all went wrong, teary eyes and loving smiles on our faces. He stares at it long and hard, absorbing the information before him. "Rob I hate to break it to you, but we really don't care enough to make it up as a joke. It's the truth."

"...Well, I wonder who's going to end up hurting who." He leans back again, scoffing as if he still found the whole thing a laugh. A phase. Something to mock. "My bet's on Carla, since that's usually the way it goes."

"Shut up."

"What's Johnny said, hey?" He continues. "Bet he's over the moon that he's now got two dykes for daughters, especially now his son has-"

The force of my palm against his cheek knocks his head sideways, the room silencing again. Even the prison guard is in shock for a matter of seconds, as Rob's hand flies to his face in defence. He gapes at me, a cheer and round of applause sounding from one prisoner, who clearly didn't get along with Rob inside.

"Screw you, Rob." I hiss menacingly in his face, as the prison guard snaps into action.

"I'd like to ask you to leave." He orders and I grab my bag abruptly, more than happy to oblige.

"Oh, we're going." I notice Michelle quivering next to me, reaching for my hand as I pull her up, shocked at the turn of events. I didn't know whether it was Rob's words or my actions that was causing her to panic, but I knew she was my priority and I needed to get her out as soon as possible.

"I hope you rot." I spit back at Rob. "And don't you ever, ever contact either of us again. You're no family to me." I conclude, squeezing Michelle's hand and guiding her out of the room. "Ok, breathe." I whisper comfortingly, as she leans up against the brick wall outside the prison. "We're out. Ok? We're not going back there. I'm here." I raise a hand to Michelle's chest, feeling her heart thumping dangerously. "Baby, you're safe."

"Why was he so horrible?" She asks through gasps for breath.

"Because he's bitter. He's twisted. Prison has rotted his brain. But he's in there, and we're out here, carrying on our lives together." I reassure her as her breathing regulates. "I'm sorry for slapping him and causing a scene."

"No I'm glad you did." She settles, falling against my shoulder as I wrap my arms around her. "I'm sorry, Carla. He's your brother."

"No, Rob's no brother to me." I whisper into her hair. "I only had one brother, and he's not here either. He didn't murder someone and let me get the blame. He didn't con me, or lie to me, or blackmail people from his prison cell. He loved and accepted us both. That's my brother. Aidan was my brother. He always will be."


	35. Recommendation

**Chapter 35:**

 _ **A/N: I've got an adoption storyline going in my one fic, and a same sex conception in this one, so lots of research! I suppose it's educational when I take these storylines on, but at the same time, some areas of my knowledge (obviously), may be wrong. So if there is anything people pick up on, feel free to let me know. But just bear in mind I'm not an expert at this stuff haha. Also, I've decided not to cover Aidan's inquest, as it would just be a repetition of what's aired and probably quite boring to write (and read).**_

 **Trigger warnings:**

 _ **Sexual content (PoV 3).**_

 _ **Detailed descriptions of medical insemination. (PoV 5).**_

* * *

 **Carla**

"And I said to Tim, I said, it's quite absurd how mad the world has gone for all this healthy eating malarkey." Sally witters on as I rifle through the folders on the computer. "Don't get me wrong, I try to get my five a day. I'm becoming quite partial to the occasional quinoa salad at dinner time, accompanies a roast chicken nicely on these hot evenings. Sometimes you just don't want a Sunday dinner in this weather, do you?"

"No, Sal." I raise an eyebrow without looking up, transferring some files over as I patiently tap my fingers on the desk, waiting for them to sync.

"But anyway, it's all about this açai and chia seeds, different nuts and protein boosts that people are raving about at the moment." She continues, disregarding the predominant bluntness to my answer. "I do try to do my research, at the end of the day, it's important to stay on the band wagon. Especially when I play such a vital role in society at the moment. I need to keep on top of what's 'in'." She studies me for a second, as I kick my legs on to the table. "What's your opinion on avocados?"

"Avocados?" I finally look at her, narrowing my eyes at the pointless meaning behind the question.

"Yes, avocados. See, they're very popular at the moment, aren't they? Particularly with the vegan community. I asked Tim and his response was 'they're green'. I said, Tim, that's not an opinion, that's an observation. I was having a discussion with Roy the other day regarding avocados, you see. I had a suggestion that we try to boost vegan recipes and options around the eateries of Weatherfield. And gluten free as well, don't even get me started on gluten free. My project is to ensure there's at least two gluten free options at every eatery in the area. Just keeps people happy, doesn't it? You've got to cater for all sorts of diets in this day and age, with them varying and expanding so often. It seems food and dieting is becoming so important, it's all you see on social media now, am I right? The perfect body, the perfect meal plans, and the perfect exercise plan to partner with it. I'm thinking of promoting some new recipes at Pride in a few weeks, advertising for some new stalls. A perfect opportunity for people to sample a taste of something different."

"Are we still talking about food here?" I intend it as a joke, but she doesn't seem to catch on.

"Are you going to Pride this year, Mrs Connor?"

"No, Sal. It's not really my thing." I humour her, quite amused at the fact she seemed to find the idea obvious this year round. "Kate'll probably be there though."

"Oh my Sophie will join in with it and all." Sally agrees. "I must try to convince her not to totally cover me in glitter. I will be attending purely for professional purposes. The LGBT community is very important to me."

"Is that right?" I smirk, aware she was somehow trying to butter me up or impress me. "Did you have some work to be getting on with, Sal?"

"Oh." She realises how carried away she has become, turning to take the designs from the printer. It had long ejected them from the system, lying there patiently while she finished her verbal essay. "Yes Mrs Connor. Did you want me to-"

"Hi, is this a bad time?" The office door opens hesitantly and Eva appears, hands clutched timidly in front of her. She acted like an apologetic school girl, who had been called into the headteachers office.

"No, no." I beckon her inside, and her gaze shifts awkwardly to Sally, who stands staring at her, designs clutched to her chest. "Thanks Sal." I prompt her and she gives a professional nod, leaving abruptly. "So, what can I do you for?" I opt to indulge pleasantries, deciding there was no point in upholding a bitter attitude towards one another. "How's the new business going?"

"Good yeah, we've got premises on Victoria Street, so it's all about doing it up now." She flashes me a grateful smile and I offer her Michelle's empty chair, responded to with a shake of my head. "I won't stay long. Michelle not around?"

"She's out at a meeting with a client." I explain, before pointlessly adding; "Angela Collins."

"Oh ok." She responds, clearly having no idea who or what I was on about, despite working here a week ago. "Well uh, it's just... You can say no... I mean, it's just a suggestion, that's all."

"Fire away." I speed her up, waiting expectantly.

"Well I was wondering if you both wanted to look after Suzie tonight? Peter told me that you both took care of her quite a bit when I was away and... I'm sure she'd love some more time to bond with you." She reveals and my throat tightens slightly. Part of me felt nervous at the prospect; I didn't want to get too attached again, but then the other part really wanted Suzie to be a part of both me and Michelle's lives. I was her auntie, and I intended to play a role in her upbringing if Eva would let me.

"Really?" I ask, shocked and she nods sincerely. "Uh, yeah. We'd love to."

"Ok, good." She seems surprised herself, but pleased all the same. "Well I can drop her around to yours at, say, six?"

"Suits me fine." I offer her a touched smile and she just regards it for a moment, before turning back towards the door.

"Right well, I'd best get back to floor designs." She points towards the door of the factory, thanking me before leaving. I sit in the calm surroundings, the quiet whir of machines echoing against the glass of the office window. Life was piecing together, bit by bit.

 **Michelle**

"She's grown so much." I realise, as Michelle passes Suzie over to me. I rest her head against my one arm, rocking her gently on my lap in the arm chair. Michelle watches us for a moment, passing me a bottle which I carefully feed into her lips. I was picking this up. It didn't seem as scary as it had done before.

"It's all that milk." She kisses my forehead quickly, before returning to the kitchen, keeping an eye on us every now and then. Taking it in, appreciating it. I was doing the same. "She really adores you, you know?" I look up to realise she is leaning forwards on the counter, watching us.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's easy to see." Michelle begins to approach, taking a seat on the sofa. "And you're getting more comfortable."

"Yeah I am." I just murmur to myself, feeling Michelle's eyes glued to me and smiling slightly. "Stop staring at me."

"Sorry, it's just a beautiful image." She whispers, pulling her phone out. "Can I take a picture?"

"For your eyes only, yeah." I agree, tilting my head up to smile, as I hear a quiet click from her phone.

"Lock screen."

"I like your lock screen as it is."

"Home screen then." She smiles, biting her lip as she sets it. "You can be both."

"So I should be." I tease her, and she lowers herself on to the arm of the chair, her hand falling to my hair as she massages my scalp. I sigh against the kiss she plants on my forehead, breathing in the scent of her perfume. I gaze down at the way Suzie's eyes flutter closed as she sucks hungrily on the bottle. Aidan's features written into her own. Once upon a time, this is what I thought would be my life. Holding my own daughter in my arms, watching her fall to sleep contently. Safe. Happy. Healthy.

Tears prick in my eyes and it takes Michelle a second to notice. I move my head to nuzzle it into her arm, tears silently soaking her top, begging myself not to start sobbing in front of my niece. But it was too hard. "I miss her... I miss my little girl. I didn't even know her. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid." I just pick up on her comforting voice, not at all surprised at my breakdown. The warmth shifts as she moves to crouch in front of me, staring up at the hurt in my expression. Lifting a finger, she gently grazes the tears from my cheekbone, erasing the pain of the past. "Not at all."

I try to compose myself for a second, exhaling gently as I shift my gaze to the ceiling. "She's so beautiful." I finally release, managing to look back down into her sleeping face. "So beautiful."

"She looks so much like you." Michelle whispers, and it's almost enough to start me off again. "Genuinely, I see you in her." Her finger traces her face, very gently moving the pad of her thumb across Suzie's forehead. "So much."

"Yeah?" I swallow tears and she lifts her gaze to mine, nodding meaningfully. I suppose it's always a struggle to see yourself in other people, but the people you love the most can always pick up on it best. I believed her. It warms my heart. "...Poor her."

"Lucky her." She softly taps a hand against my arm, scolding me and I emit a small laugh. "Oh sweetheart." Her eyes search me as her hand weaves through my hair and I just flash her a weak smile. "I love you so much."

"I want a baby." I whisper, stroking my fingers through Suzie's soft hair. Michelle remains quiet, watching us both, before getting up and grabbing her mobile from where she had just left it on the coffee table. "What are you doing?"

"Making an appointment at the clinic." Exiting the room with the phone to her ear, she leaves me alone with Suzie in my lap. Weirdly, it's not so strange or scary this time. She looks so calm, so comfortable. And why shouldn't she be? I was keeping her safe. She was family.

 **Carla**

"Angela Collins was telling me earlier about this fashion weekend coming up in town." Michelle informs me, swinging her legs as she sits on the edge of the kitchen counter, chewing on an apple. "She went last year and apparently it's brilliant. Might drum us up some business and all."

"Meanwhile, I had Sally Webster droning on to me about avocados and Gay Pride." I reminisce, noticing the confusion in my wife's expression. "Sorry, Metcalfe." As if that was the reason her brow was furrowed. I stop, leaning back against the cupboards once I've emptied the dishwasher, admiring the short silk nightdress that barely covered her. Her lips pause against the skin of the apple she is eating, noticing how I was looking her up and down.

"Eyes up here."

"I'm not looking at your eyes, as beautiful as they are." I admit, coughing slightly and knowing there was no point in trying to crawl my way out of the obvious fact I was checking her out. "You got anything on under that?"

"No." Her eyes sparkle slightly, throwing the half-eaten apple with perfect aim into the bin, that I'd left the lid open on in my distraction. It was annoyingly sexy, the smoothness of her actions, and I take a step forwards, pressing myself against her. "Problem?"

"Far from it." I start to kiss her, moving down to nip at her neck, the exact point I knew made her exhale lustfully. "But yeah." I pull back suddenly and she lets out a whimper of annoyance, as I proceed to wind her up. "That fashion event sounds good. Where is it?"

"You started this, don't you dare." She grabs at my top, trying to pull me back in and I place a finger against her lips.

"Beg me." I bite down on my lip, teasing her as I trace my fingers up and down Michelle's burning thighs. She swallows, hesitant to give in but desire overcoming her.

"Don't do that." She tries to grab my hand, moaning in frustration as I purposefully tickle my finger tips up her side, missing the place she needed me most. "Ok, please." She caves, her voice needy. "Please." The desperation in her eyes almost makes me feel sympathetic, my eyes darting down to the cold granite beneath where her legs are rested. I was pretty sure if I held out any longer, she'd release before I'd started. "This isn't funny."

"No, it's sexy." I nibble on her neck, listening to her breathy moans, not daring to rise above the silence as I slip my lips down her body.

"Carla." Her fingers tighten in my hair as I kiss along the base of her stomach. "Lower." Finally I oblige, her moans beginning immediately, increasing in dynamics as I continue my actions. Her hips shift against me, saying my name again pleasurably. I lift my eyes momentarily to see how she is rocking herself back and forth on the counter, our eyes connecting as she lowers her gaze.

"You look incredible." I chew my lip for a second, before returning to her, the sound of her beckoning my name ringing in my ears. I felt sorry for the neighbouring flats, the walls were thick, but we were loud. I was unsure they'd manage to drown the sound out completely.

 **Michelle**

"You know who I blame?" Carla finally raises her voice over the silence, her head rested against my naked chest as we lie on the sofa, dwelling on our previous ecstasy. The throw was pulled over our entwined bodies, TV blaring quietly in the background. "Robert Preston. Your sex life was far too demanding. You can't get enough of it now."

"Oi!" I stop her and she releases a dirty giggle, knowing she had wound me up again. "We weren't that bad. Besides, my sex life now is a lot better."

"You have to say that, you're stuck with me."

"You underestimate yourself." I plant a kiss into her hair, absorbing he smell of her shampoo. "Trust me."

"He must have had a lot of stamina... Every five minutes you were going at it in the stock room."

"It's called steroids." I point out and she looks apologetic for a moment. "Stop thinking about it anyway, it's weird."

"...Do you miss sex with men?" She contemplates out loud and my fingers pause in her hair.

"...Am I losing my touch or something?" I ask it more bitterly than intended, mainly through embarrassment. Clearly, if this was what she was thinking about, I hadn't done a very good job at keeping things exciting for her.

"What?" She shifts her body flat against mine, staring down into my face.

"You, going on about having sex with other people. It makes me feel great, Carla. Sorry if you're getting bored of me."

"Michelle!"

"Well you clearly miss it." I respond, sourly, refusing to meet her gaze as I fiddle with the tassles on the cushion. She just takes my chin in her hand, tilting my face to see where her eyebrows are raised.

"I was asking because I'm worried _I'm_ too boring or unexciting." She states, reassuringly and I sigh, my face softening. "Far from the other way around, Chelle. I promise you."

"You really think I'm bored?" I arch my brow, sassing her. "You had me begging you earlier on."

"I know." She smiles to herself smugly. "Maybe I just like the ego boost."

"You don't need an ego boost, you know you're good." I tickle her as she fends me off, collapsing against my lips and giving up halfway through a kiss, drained of energy. She falls against my shoulder, eyes resting closed. "Babe. Are you that tired?"

"Sorry, I hate that it creeps up on me." She tries to push herself up and I move to sit against the arm, pulling her into my lap. It wasn't a rare occurrence; fatigue still struck her without warning as a result of her condition and it wasn't likely to stop anytime soon. She closes her eyes again, her head tucked under my neck as her fingers close around the blanket on top of us.

"You taken your medication?"

"Mm." I can tell she would respond with a sarcastic comment about how I was like an annoying alarm clock, if she wasn't so exhausted.

"Come on, let's go to bed."

"Oh." She suddenly looks up, urgency in her expression despite the tiredness that still wavered. "What did they say on the phone? About the appointment?"

"That they've got a slot next Wednesday if we want it to talk things through with them."

"Well we do want it." She prods my arm like a desperate child. "Don't let someone else take it."

"They won't." I laugh softly, wrapping my arms around her. "Because I said we'd take it. I figured it'd be easier to just cancel if something comes up."

"Ok." She nods, nerves embedded in her tone. "Ok. Now we can go to bed."

"Oh can we?" I humour her, pulling the throw around my shoulders as I get up to follow her in. She was already tucked under the duvet when I reach the bedroom, and I smile to myself, watching her head loll against the pillow.

"I'm cold." She just murmurs, wrapping it tighter and I waste no time in climbing in, pulling myself against her. My arms seal around her slender frame, a content smile gracing her cheeks as her eyes flutter closed. "That's better."

 **Carla**

"Hi, Kate in?" I lean over the counter, eyes connecting with Daniel's and he turns, delivering a nod as he heads into the kitchen. Scanning the room, my eyes fall to Michelle, who is sat with her folder out at a table with a wedding planning client. I feel a sudden burst of pride; I'd assumed she would choose elsewhere to hold the meeting, but it seemed she felt strong enough to return here even when she didn't essentially have to.

"Carla?" My head snaps around to take Kate's expectant expression in, and she raises an eyebrow over to where I was looking.

"She doing alright?"

"She's fine." She assures me, rolling her eyes slightly in a humoured fashion. "Is that what you came in to ask me?"

"Oh, no. Uh, we've got this appointment tomorrow." I inform her, as she searches my face for my information. "At the clinic... You know..."

"Oh right."

"Yeah so, since you're the only person who knows, I was hoping you'd cover for us if anyone asks."

"Am I gonna have to do this every time until your twelve week scan?" She asks, agreeing all the same.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." I drum my fingers on the counter. "I'm dead nervous. We really want this... What if we can't?"

"Don't be negative. You've got double the chance women usually have, hey?" She points out, poking my arm to enforce a smile on my face.

"Most women aren't knocking on fifty."

"Oh hardly, you're forty three." She states. "Michelle's forty two, you're fine. Women get pregnant at forty eight, forty nine, even fifty. You know, this one British woman was fifty nine."

"How do you know these weird facts?" I narrow my eyes, settling slightly all the same. Reaching out to pat her hand, I lower my voice sincerely. "Thank you, though."

"Don't mention it. I'd better get back to work." She returns to the kitchen after planting a kiss on my cheek. I turn just to catch a glimpse of the man Michelle had been sat with, as he passes to go to the toilet. Noticing her gaze was fixed on me curiously, I head over to her table.

"How's your date going?" I tap her chair with my foot flirtatiously, flicking my head around in the direction he had walked off in. "Not too bad, eh?"

"And he's getting married." She reminds me, her expression withering at my observation. "Can't you keep away?"

"Where's his wife to be? Or husband, you know." I emit a small shrug and she laughs me off, tapping her folder.

"She's away on business." Michelle informs me, shading in the doodle of a handbag she had carved onto the folder.

"Ooh, we've been here before." I hint and she glares at me, lowering her pen again. "Bet you haven't told him about me, have ya?"

She opens her mouth to respond something, annoyance in her expression, before the client returns, looking at me expectantly.

"Oh, I'll have another flat white if you've got one going." He smiles and it takes me a second to work out what he means, my mouth dropping open.

"Oh, Duncan, she doesn't work here." Michelle seems thoroughly amused at the prospect and he eyes me up and down awkwardly. "This is my wife." She introduces, before adding, to answer my earlier question. "The one I've been talking about."

"Oh God, sorry, nice to meet you." He holds his hand out and I just shoot Michelle a look as she preens victoriously. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No no, I'll leave you to it." I tap Michelle's head briefly. "Behave yourself, eh?" I grin as I turn on my heel, looking back to see how she is shaking her head in my direction.

 **Michelle**

"Well I never thought I'd optionally be here." Carla folds her arms defensively across her front as she lingers in the maternity clinic waiting room of Weatherfield General. "The world's going insane."

"Will you sit down?" I sigh, grateful that there were very few people in here. Just a couple reading leaflets and a pregnant girl in the corner, she couldn't be much older than nineteen. It reminded me of me, back when I was still a teenager, scared and alone before I'd even told Dean about my pregnancy. I remember attending my first appointment at the hospital, fretting that I would see someone, desperate for answers or someone to tell me that both the pregnancy tests were miraculously incorrect.

"Sorry, I'm nervous." She paces, biting on her nails as she allows her arms to fall away from where they are crossed over the zip of her leather jacket.

"Come here." I try to invade her thoughts, and eventually her head turns to see the softness of my expression. I hold a hand out and she hesitantly sits down, resting her head in my shoulder. "It's only a chat, hm? They'll just talk us through what we've already read up on. The options and all that. This is the easy part."

"Yeah, like that makes me feel better." She scoffs, nestling her forehead into my shoulder as I slip an arm around her. The girl in the corner looks up briefly, trying to divert her eyes before I make it obvious I've acknowledged her.

"Is it your first?" I pipe up, plastering a friendly smile on my face and Carla's head shoots up, confused at who I'm talking to.

"Michelle!" She hisses, eyes darting between where I've called over to her.

"What? I'd have loved someone to talk to me when I was sat there on my own." I whisper under my breath as the girl tries to compose herself.

"Uh, yeah." She manages a weak smile, as if the answer wasn't obvious. "Bit of a surprise really."

"So was my first." I nod reassuringly, as Carla rests her chin on my shoulder, deciding not to indulge in the conversation. "That was a while ago now though."

"I should be getting my A Level results today." She checks the clock on the wall, opening up to me. "Priorities, hey? Not what I had in mind at eighteen."

"I was fifteen." I assure her and she settles slightly. Clearly, she was afraid of judgement, cowering on the chair furthest in the corner, hoping not to be seen. "I gave birth to my son on the day of my mock GCSE exam. Child development, would you believe it? At least you've got all yours out the way."

"Yeah?" Her eyes brighten slightly, letting her legs slip from where her knees were pulled up to her chest. "...How old is he now?"

"Twenty seven." I inform her and she looks surprised, whether it was just that I looked younger or she hadn't expected the number to be so high due to poor calculation, I didn't know. "Trust me, he can be a nightmare... They both can." I discreetly bypass the story behind both Ali and Ryan. "But it's the most rewarding thing I've done. I wouldn't change any of it for the world, not the timing, not my age. Everything pieces together in the end, trust me. They'll idolise you."

"I'm having a boy too." She murmurs, placing a hand on her bump. Her gaze shifts between both me and Carla, trying to figure out the logistics of everything. I didn't blame her, my life complicated me enough, never mind anyone else.

"And now I'm preparing to do it all again, apparently." I weave a hand through Carla's hair, and she groans quietly. "With this one. Quite different this time however. She had to put up with me moaning throughout my first pregnancy. I don't think we saw this situation coming."

"I am here." Carla nudges me, resting her hand on my knee. "But yeah, I'd be the one covering for her at school when she had to go to scans with her boyfriend and what not."

"...And you ended up together?" She assumes and I nod warmly, turning to see how Carla is gazing at me. "That's pretty cool."

"I'd say the same if she didn't spend half an hour in the shower every morning."

"Oh, ignore her." I roll my eyes playfully at her comment. "Thinks she's funny."

There's a brief silence for the girl opposite to flash us an amused smile, before a midwife appears in the doorway.

"Carla and Michelle Connor?" She asks and I stand, holding out a hand for her to shake. She greets us with a friendly beam on her face, before moving her gaze. "Heather, Doctor Lifford won't be long."

"Thanks." She just replies, before looking back at us. "Have fun."

We both exchange words of luck, before proceeding down the corridor, following the midwife that had beckoned us.

"Michelle?" She glances between us when we're finally seated in a medical office, and I point to myself awkwardly. "We spoke on the phone, call me Kaitlyn."

"Nice to meet you." I shake her hand again.

"Uh, yeah hi. Carla." My wife introduces, standing again to greet her properly. "So how does this work?"

"Well, that's really your call. The ball is in your court." Kaitlyn sits down, folding her arms professionally on the desk. "So, start with what your intentions are... You're married?"

"Uh, yeah." I decide to speak first, flashing Carla a warm smile. She keeps her hands clasped in her lap, suddenly quite timid at the prospect of being here. "We got married recently and have been discussing the idea of a baby, I think ideally we'd like to pursue this route while we still can. That's why we're so keen so soon after marriage, we want to give it the best chance possible."

"And do you have children already?" She notes something down on the computer.

"Uh, I have. I've got a son... Sons. It's a complicated story. It was a teenage pregnancy and I only found out about ten years ago that my baby was accidentally swapped at birth so... Now I've got two, as it happens. Very different, the pair of them." I cough awkwardly, noticing the interest in Kaitlyn's expression, as she tries to understand my backstory. "Uh... And then I was pregnant at the start of last year..." I realise I should probably mention it, trying to keep my tone professional. "But uh, I lost him at twenty three weeks."

"...I'm sorry." She pulls back from the computer, sincerity and sympathy in her eyes. "...I lost my daughter a few years ago. Full term stillbirth. It's the hardest thing imaginable."

"Yeah." I just nod, smiling understandingly. "And... I'm sorry too. That's awful."

"Carla, any children?" She tries to lighten the mood, and Carla shifts in her seat awkwardly, just shaking her head. I reach across to squeeze her knee under the table and she swallows, meeting my gaze.

"No... I had a miscarriage a few years ago." She just answers, reaching for my hand. Kaitlyn turns back to the computer after offering her a reassuring nod of the head, tapping away on the keyboard. My eyes follow Carla's gaze around the room, as she takes in all the maternity posters, the development animations of babies that coat the walls.

"You ok?" I whisper quietly, and although I'm sure she can hear, Kaitlyn continues to stare at the screen.

"Mm." She nods confidently, squeezing my hand.

"Any serious medical conditions?" Kaitlyn pipes up again and Carla sighs reluctantly.

"I had kidney failure." She admits. "I had a transplant earlier this year... I'm in recovery now. But it's all going well."

"Right..." Kaitlyn studies her for a moment, and I can tell from her tone that it wasn't the best information to hear.

Shifting her eyes to the wall, Carla slumps back in her seat in frustration. "You're gonna tell me I can't get pregnant now."

"It's not that you _can't_. Your condition won't have an effect on your fertility. It'smore a matter of the strain your body would be under, whether it would be a sensible idea to pursue that when you're still in recovery. Usually, we say give at least a year after surgery before trying to get pregnant."

"Oh yeah?" Carla arches a brow cockily, and I bite down on my tongue, knowing she wasn't going to take this well. She was stubborn, and being told, especially by medical professionals, that she shouldn't do something was an instance that didn't bode well with her. "Have many women in here with damaged kidneys, do ya?"

"More than you'd think have similar conditions." Kaitlyn tries to explain. "After all, my speciality is helping and advising couples who want children, if it's not as straight forward-"

"You mean if they're gay?"

"Carla!" I snap, my eyes widening. "That's not what she means." I shut her up, guilt and embarrassment flickering in her face as she leans back again, avoiding both our gazes. "Sorry. She can get hot headed."

Carla scoffs under her breath, clearly now annoyed at me as well, but not continuing to argue for the sake of the situation.

"It's really ok." Kaitlyn assures us calmly. "Trust me, I've had all sorts in here. Couples being told they can't have children at all can often take it very badly. I've had my desk flipped once."

"Really?" I ask in surprise, glancing across at where Carla was dragging herself from her sulk, softening at Kaitlyn's honesty.

"I'm sorry..." She swallows, composing herself again. "...This is all very new... Everything. Like Chelle said, I don't handle unfamiliar situations well. I'm a control freak, you see... Bet you're surprised she wants a baby with me."

"Shut up you." I sigh, a smile on my face all the same as I slip an arm around her, looking back at Kaitlyn. "So, you were saying about her condition? You wouldn't be prepared to carry things forward until February; a year since her operation?"

"It all depends on what your tests say. It's a recommendation, that's all. Unless we find reasons to suggest it would damage the baby, or your health further if you were to carry a pregnancy, it's really down to your decision."

"See? That wasn't so hard to hear, was it?" I nudge Carla and she gives me a tired look, shrugging in admittance.

"Michelle, anything to note?"

"Uh, not as far as I'm aware." I tell her. "Except from what I've told you."

"She got PTSD." Carla inputs, and I furrow my brow in her direction.

"That's not gonna affect anything physically, is it?" I remind her.

"She said any health conditions."

"Right, ok then." I sigh, even though it had actually slipped my mind briefly. It was a good job I had my alarm clock with me. "Yeah, I've been diagnosed with PTSD this year. If that's of any relevance... Oh and uh, I had an operation earlier this year... And I was in hospital with heat exhaustion a few weeks ago..." I narrow my eyes as I think back, noting Kaitlyn's bewilderment. "We're not building up a good CV, are we?"

"Hey, all I need is honesty." She holds a hand up, reverting back to the keyboard and not moving her eyes from the screen as she asks; "an operation for what, if you don't mind me inquiring?"

"I was shot." I say it before even thinking about the phrasing and Kaitlyn tries not to splutter in shock, eyes darting between us. "It's ok, he's dead now." I stupidly add, wincing. "...I should have mentioned that before, shouldn't I?

"Wow. You don't lead boring lives, do you?" She jokes, and I'm appreciative of the lightheartedness, her eyes widening in recollection suddenly. "Oh... Of course, Michelle Connor? I remember reading about this in the paper. I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity."

"...I'd rather be famous for something else." I respond bluntly and Kaitlyn's cheeks flush in embarrassment momentarily.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm getting carried away." She flaps, waving her hand to bypass the situation. "So, the general procedure of how things work. You can both undergo tests, it'll check both your fertility rates are alright, and if there's any reason that one of you would be a better option to carry the child. Have you got any ideas on that score yet?"

"Uh, we haven't really discussed it." I glance across at Carla, who remains silent. We both knew after Kaitlyn's advice what the best option would be. "But I'd be willing... Given everything is in order."

"Yeah we need to talk about this further first." Carla pipes up again and Kaitlyn nods understandingly. "So, what happens from there?"

"Then you've got several options for conception, the most popular being IVF transfer. You can have the choice of donor sperm for insemination. All donor's are fully medically safe and we keep all their profiles here so you can make sure you're definitely happy with everything. Some same sex couples will choose to fertilise the alternative partners eggs, to the woman who's carrying the baby. This is done by removing the eggs from the one partner, fertilising them outside of the womb and then implanting them into the partner preparing to carry the child. Am I making sense?"

"It's a lot to take in." I admit, but nodding all the same. It did make sense, it was all just going to require thought and understanding. But something I didn't doubt, is that whatever it took, I'd try my hardest to do this for Carla. It was a big enough step for her to admit to herself that she wanted this, and that she could be a mum. I wanted to make this as easy for her as possible, whatever the circumstances.

 **Carla**

"I've run you a bath." Michelle's words echo in my head, as I watch the coffee drip slowly out of the mug I had held on its side. I was completely lost in a trance of seeing how slowly I could cause the dark liquid to cascade into the sink. But a hand on my shoulder causes me to drop it all together, a loud clatter resounding as the mug falls into the sink. "Carla... You're miles away."

"Sorry." I try to compose myself, turning to face her. "...What did you say?"

"That I've run you a bath." She laughs softly, pointing backwards at the bathroom and my eyes follow her indication for a moment.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I thought you'd like one." She trails her hands down my arms comfortingly. "It might relax you."

"I am relaxed." I lie, and she arches an eyebrow disbelievingly. "...I apologise for how I acted at the clinic... Trust me, hey? I would kick off at the first opportunity."

"It's fine. Like Kaitlyn said, loads of people would probably react in the same way."

"It's just... Typical." I sigh, trying to get my head around things as I lean back against the counter. I scuff my shoe against the kitchen tiles, chewing my lip before releasing more self-doubt for no necessary reason. "It's a sign."

"It's not a sign, stop that." Michelle pulls me closer to her, grabbing my chin and tilting it to meet her gaze. "Carla, you're acting as if you've just been told you can't have kids altogether. All she said is that they recommend you wait a year, you don't even have to do that if you don't want to." She scans my face, the fall of my expression as I realise it myself. I was making such a big deal out of things as ever, I'm surprised she hadn't snapped at me yet. I was an absolute nightmare, God knows why she had chosen to take me on, especially when she already knew what I was like. "...I didn't realise you were so desperate to carry it anyway?" She asks and I just give a small shrug, not knowing myself.

"Well... Do you?" My voice is surprisingly hoarse as I respond to her, settling as she weaves her fingers into mine. "...You seem keen to. I just... Didn't want you to have to go through it again, if it's going to trigger anything, make you upset."

"I've said, I'd do it for you. One hundred percent. Yeah, there might be occasional worries but I feel a lot more stronger in myself now... I feel ready."

"...Yeah?" I swallow, feeling suddenly proud at how brave she was being.

"And... In all honesty. I want to protect you. I hate seeing you in pain as it is, I'd rather carry that burden." She admits and I sigh softly, feeling myself fall hard in the moment at how genuine and loving she was being. "You know... I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, labour hurts. And trust me, I have every faith that you would absolutely smash it, you'd be amazing. But I don't know, it sounds stupid, I just don't want you to have to go through pain for me. I'd take the bullet."

"You already did that." I point out, my expression still meaningful as I stare back at her. "Chelle, you are so sweet. So, so sweet... I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. The way you care... I've never felt this reassured about anything. But you know I don't want to see you in pain either darlin'. I'd do exactly the same. I've told you before I made a vow to myself as kids that I'd keep you from harm, I still stand by that today. I said it in front of all our friends and family."

"But if it's better for your health, surely it's less of a risk for me to do it?" Michelle reminds me, inching closer into our embrace. "...Why don't we just wait until we've had the tests? We'll have a clearer picture then."

"Ok, deal." I hold my hand up to high five her and she smiles, tapping her palm against mine. "Come here." I pull her in, swaying her gently as I feel her lips press a kiss to my temple. "You're amazing. I love you."

* * *

 _ **A/N: I've already started on the next chapter, so it shouldn't be too long for an update! I've got a pretty clear idea of how things are gonna go in this, so I'm excited for you all to see! Thanks again x**_


	36. Examination

**Chapter 36:**

 _ **A/N: Not the cheeriest of chapters, but this needed to be written. I'm trying not to string this process along too much, as I want people to stay interested, so it sort of bookends the chapter. Hope you enjoy!**_

 **Trigger warnings:**

 _ **Descriptions of anxiety attack (PoV 8)**_

 **Carla**

The eeriness of the hospital waiting room was triggering an empty echo in my ears. The distant rush of nurses, attending to bedsides. The squeak of wheels from the trollies transporting life saving treatments for life threatening diseases. People who had been saved, people who needed saving, people who they couldn't save.

Forty minutes had passed. I knew despite hardly having the energy or motivation to look at my phone, because the 'please do not consume any food or drink in this waiting room' announcement sounded roughly every ten minutes. Most people only had to endure it once. Most people weren't sat here after being prodded, scanned, questioned, turned inside out like a rag doll, waiting for their wife to finish undergoing the same procedure.

 _"_ _Please do not consume any food or drink in this waiting room."_

Fifty minutes. Not that I could eat. I felt sick to my stomach as it was. My throat, on the other hand, was dry and scratchy, deprived of water. I'm sure they allowed that in here, it was more the aim of stopping youths snacking on their Subways from the food court, while they waited for their mate to be given a handful of free condoms in desperate measures. But even so, I couldn't be bothered to find a water machine, the dull ache stemming most likely from dehydration could be ignored if essential.

All I wanted to do was climb into bed with Michelle, wrap the covers around us and doze on and off for the rest of the afternoon.

From the look on her face, it seemed she would want the same.

"You ok?" I stand instantly, as she appears from the corridor. She just nods, picking up her pace as she sights me. Her eyes seemed watery and exhausted. I knew why, I'd be lying if I said the scan hadn't brought back my own memories, as it shared many similarities with the one I had to undergo when I was pregnant.

"Mm, thank God." She seals her arms around me, whispering it into my shoulder and gripping me tightly. "I missed you. How long have you been waiting?"

"Almost an hour." I release her, running a hand through her hair, her expression falling in shock.

"Oh God, sorry-"

"Hey, it's not your fault. Don't be silly." I manage a weak smile. "You went in after me."

"I didn't realise that would be so intense."

"Well it's done now." I reassure, guiding my eyes around the waiting room for a last time before holding my hand out to her. "Home?"

She smiles, slotting hers into mine and leaning her head on my shoulder as we walk. "Home."

* * *

 **Michelle**

"Is this true?" I let the door of the Rovers swing shut behind me, my answer pretty self-explanatory as Johnny raises a glass from behind the bar. "You've bought this place?"

"Indeed." He nods his head curtly, looking proud of his new empire. It was good to see him smiling, have something to focus on. Plus it meant I was back to discounted drinks in the local. Granted, it wasn't as upmarket as when I worked in the Bistro, but wine was wine. "So, what can I get you?"

"Glass of red." I grin, lowering my bag onto the bar top. "Well I hope you know what you're taking on."

"Got any tips?" He asks, as he pours out a glass of the deep purple liquid, passing it over. "On the house."

"Thank you." I take a grateful sip. "Uh, well you haven't got Steve McDonald leaving his boxers lying behind the bar, you should be fine."

"Behind the bar?" He pulls a face. "What were you doing?"

"Oh nothing mucky." I assure him. "I think he just did it to wind me up. But don't let your employees take advantage, they can get cheeky here, especially Sean. He'll come crying to you with some sob story about having to take Dylan to the safari park when he's got a shift due. And Tina was awful for time off, then again, I know why she needed so much now..."

"Tina?"

"Uh, well, that's not a problem anymore" I wave my hand and he still looks inquisitive. "...This is the woman who Peter cheated on Carla with."

"Oh." He just responds bluntly, his smile fading and I mentally kick myself. What a stupid thing to bring up. Now of all times.

"Anyway, how are you finding it? Jenny clearly hasn't got through all the wine yet then?"

"So far so good." He replies, as she appears behind him on cue.

"Ah, here she is. Weatherfield's new barmaid."

"New? I'll have you know I was working here when you would have been just a tiddler." She scolds me playfully. "Oh it's good to be back though."

"So did you sell the house?"

"Well, it's on the market." Johnny informs me. "We've got a few interested viewers. I've had to use a loan to buy out Peter and then I'll pay it back when we sell the property. I tell you what though, he must have been desperate, sold it for way under the asking price."

"Yeah well, desperate is Peter's middle name." I mutter bitterly, screwing my nose up at the thought. "Hey, maybe he'll move far away now. Back to Portsmouth perhaps, or some other town where he can try and get through all the women between twenty five and fifty."

"You don't see him as a threat?"

"...No..." I trail off, sighing as I think how Carla would react if she knew I was having this conversation. "No, course not. I mean, I don't trust him. But I more than trust Carla."

"Well, at least he's never tried it on with you." Johnny taps my hand warmly, and his words leave a bitter taste in my mouth, choosing not to tell him about our little fling years back.

"I wouldn't worry, he's never tried it on with me either." Jenny reminisces and I hold my tongue, momentarily offended that she was comparing us, and tempted to tell her that actually, I had been the one to reject him.

"I'm not worried." I scoff, taking back the last drop of wine. "Anyway, best get on. I've got a meeting with this stuck up cow from Saunders of Sunderland." I groan at the thought, waving Jenny off. "Catch you later."

* * *

I see him before I can even open the office door, his leather jacket and greying stubble was visible through the glass. Slumped in my chair, feet kicked up onto the desk, which clearly hadn't been called upon by Carla. Even I got told off sometimes for putting my feet up, and I was just as much the boss as she was. Granted, she was kidding most of the time, but it infuriated me all the same to see him uninvitingly swinging in my chair.

"Michelle." Carla looks up, surprised as I enter the office. My eyes move unappealingly to Peter, not bothering to greet him. "I thought you were on lunch?"

"Evidently." I just respond. "I came back early so I can prepare for this meeting." I wait, staring Peter out, until eventually he takes the hint and gets up.

"Oh, sorry Michelle, is this your chair?"

"No, I usually tend to prefer the floor." I sarcastically remark, slipping past him to take my seat.

"Peter was just leaving."

"Was I?"

"Yes." Carla applies firmly, flashing him a slight smile all the same. I have to look away, pulling a file out of the drawer in my desk to ignore them both. "He just came to tell me, uh, Johnny's bought the pub."

"I know, I've just come from there." I mutter unenthusiastically. "I spoke to Rita when I went to get my dinner. Gemma's pretty upset."

"Well, you can't please everyone." Peter tries to be friendly, smacking his hands together.

"No. Just two women at a time." I dare to comment and he shifts awkwardly, receiving the cocky smile I flash upwards. "Well, bye then Peter."

"Bye." He raises a hand and Carla waves him off awkwardly. I keep my head dipped after his dismissal, deciding to prolong the silence in order to calm myself down. "...Are you not talking to me now then?"

"I'm just focusing on my work." I mutter, scribbling down figures on a scrap piece of paper that I didn't even know were correct. Hopefully, it was convincing enough. "I haven't got long until I need to meet Sandra."

"From Saunders of Sunderland?" She checks the whiteboard and I just nod, still keeping my gaze down. "Ah, I wouldn't stress about that. We get along great me and her, I'll take the meeting for you if you want?"

"No I'm sure I'll manage." I flash her a sarcastic smile and she rolls her eyes, her stare burning into the side of my face as I search in my desk drawer. The same question was still exhaustively playing on my mind, and eventually I give into myself. "Why did Peter need to come and tell you anyway? Surely he knew you'd hear from Johnny or me."

"Well he popped in for a coffee to see how I was." She tries to justify and I slam the drawer closed with more force than intended.

"'Popped in for a coffee'?" I scoff, narrowing my eyes in annoyance. "Since when are you two so cosy?"

"Peter is just a friend of mine-"

"Oh a friend?" My eyes widen hysterically. "Alright then, Steve's a friend of mine, and Robert. In fact, I might invite them all over later for a party."

"Oh that's exciting. Want me to get some hot nibbles in?" She remarks, sarcastically, her apparent amusement even more infuriating. "Maybe even some balloons?"

"I'm going to my meeting." I grab my bag, standing up abruptly, anger searing through me. "I'll be back later, and if not, I've quit."

"Let me know if you need a reference!" She calls after me and I turn to glare at her before slamming the door as I exit.

 **Carla**

"Oh good, I thought you'd not only decided to quit, but moved to the other side of the country and all." I pipe up, as soon as the flat door closes and Michelle throws her bag down on the floor. Ok, clearly things hadn't settled much. I was hoping having the afternoon to herself would clear her head. "How was your meeting?" I call after her from the kitchen, as she disappears into the bedroom, leaving the door open. I wait patiently, until she emerges in a baggy sweatshirt and leggings, hair loosely falling down her back, a notebook in her hand. She drops it down on the counter, shifting on to the stool and pushing the hair back behind her ears as she flicks through it. "You can't be serious? You're just gonna ignore me now."

"I'm not ignoring you. I've got prices to tally up for Duncan's wedding." She just tells me shortly, and a small part of me wished she didn't look so effortlessly gorgeous in her casual, natural appearance. It made it harder to argue with her when I just wanted to kiss her face off. Especially when I had hardly seen her all day.

"Well you've just got in." I try to be gentle, keeping the annoyance from flaring in my tone. "Do that later."

"I can't do it later I've got to send him over the prices as soon as possible."

"I've barely spoken to you all day!"

"Well I'm sure you'll cope." She doesn't remove her head from where it's dipped, hair brushing the pages of the neatly detailed notebook she was writing in. "You managed eighteen months without me in Devon."

"We weren't married then."

"Well if you're bored why don't you give Peter a call?" She mutters bitterly, although her tone is forced to brighten, as if actually encouraging the idea. "I'm sure he'd be excited to see you. _Again_."

"Ugh, I might go to the pub. See Johnny." I roll my eyes frustratedly, knowing there was still no point in trying with her. "You can tell it's your time of the month, you're in the worst mood today."

"Carla!" She snaps as I approach the door, but I've left before she can lecture me further.

* * *

"Here she is, the worker." Johnny greets me, eyeing up my expression as I reach the bar, pondering the booze in my eye-line. "Crack a smile, ey?"

"I would if Michelle wasn't doing my head in." I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "Can I have a-"

"Glass of red." Jenny produces it, and I look up, smiling appreciatively. I was past the point of caring how predictable I was. "Cheer up, might never happen."

"It _is_ happening." Icomment, producing my purse and Johnny waves me off, pushing the glass towards me. "Already."

"Sorry, I'm just trying out the lingo." She stifles a laugh and I force myself to look interested. "A pint and an OJ? Both in the same glass?"

"Very good." I nod, musing with her as she goes off to take Kevin's order. I raise an eyebrow at Johnny, finally lifting the rim of the glass to my lips. "So, you dark horse. This is all very sudden."

"Your Michelle was telling me the same thing earlier." He smiles and I sigh, my shoulders slumping. "What's happened?"

"Oh nothing. Nothing major. Just typical domestic stuff." I shrug it off. "I can't complain, I chose to date a woman. I know how much of a nightmare I am myself."

"Well something must have triggered it." He prompts me, wringing the tea towel between his hands.

"Well, Peter it seems."

"Peter?" He furrows his brow. "She was on about him earlier."

"Yeah see, she's flamin' obsessed." I exclaim, throwing my hand out to prove a point. "Anyone would think she had some kind of crush on him."

"I think it's you she's worried about having the crush." He dares to point out and I arch my brow.

"Peter Barlow? Read my lips, never gonna happen again."

"Yes well good." He claps a hand over mine on the bar top. "Because you're with my niece and it's going to stay that way."

"Ew don't call her that." I pull a face, wincing at the reference and he just laughs softly. "But yes, it is. She should know she's got nothing to worry about. She saw him in Underworld earlier and has been in a mood with me ever since."

"Why was he in Underworld?"

"Oh he just came in for a chat." I dismiss it and he stares at me blankly.

"Came in for a chat?" He lowers the tea towel in confusion. "Since when were you two so cosy?"

"Ugh, you sound like her."

"Well I don't think you'd be best pleased if Robert started bringing her coffees from the Bistro while you were out on your dinner." He points out and my mouth closes abruptly, thinking on it. "I bet he was sat in her chair and all."

"Yeah... Come to think of it I'm sure he had his feet up on her desk." I remember, pondering the memory and he just shoots me a defiant look. "But it's not like he's my best mate." I try to justify, his expression fixed. "No? ...Can I have another drink?"

"Nope." He swipes my glass away. "You're going to go home and sort it out."

"But-"

"You're not getting leathered in here when she's sat at home, Carla. Go and talk it through. You can buy her a take-away on the way back and all."

"Who's side are you on?" I exclaim, surprised at his dominance. "Since when did I take love advice from you anyway?"

"Well you can take it from whoever you like but you're not having another drink in here until you've sorted things with Michelle."

"...Are you barring me?"

"If you like." He grins, proudly. "For now."

* * *

"Right. Enough of these games." I close the flat door, my eyes falling to where Michelle is sat in the arm chair, knees pulled up to her chest, wine glass rested on top. Glancing across to the bottle on the counter, I realise there's very little of it left. "...Was that fresh?" I ask, taking a step towards her as she stares beyond me, eyes fixed on the wall. "Are you drunk?" I continue, still getting no response, the smudged mascara beneath her eyes becoming apparent as I near her. "Have you been crying? Chelle? This is silly babe." I sigh, crouching down in front of her and taking the half-empty glass from her grip. I place it behind on the coffee table, staring up at her distant expression. Moving my hand to her forehead, she brushes me off, her chest rising and falling tiredly. "...You haven't had a panic attack?"

"No, stop questioning me." She finally speaks, silencing me. Her voice was hoarse, weak despite the exhausted anger that laces it.

"...Chelle." I whisper, reaching up carefully to take her chin, finally moving her face in line with mine. Her eyes snap into position, and I notice the clear upset behind them. "Is this because of Peter? Because I promise you, I swear right now, you really have nothing to worry about on that score. And I'm sorry about earlier. But he just turned up, saying he had nothing to do now he'd sold the pub and then we got to talking. Please don't get upset over him."

"I'm not." She replies firmly, but her voice cracks. "It's not him." She persists, falling silent and reaching for the glass which I push further away. Her eyes brim with tears as she falls back against the cushion, suddenly bursting into tears. I stare at her in shock for a second, completely confused as to where her meltdown was coming from. Knowing she probably didn't want me all over her right now, I graze a hand up her leg, squeezing her knee comfortingly.

"Chelle." I say softly, unable to watch her anymore and standing so I can sit on the arm of the chair. To my surprise, she grabs my top, sobbing into the cotton as I wrap my arms around her. "Baby, what's happened? Talk to me."

"It's not Peter." She cries into me, soaking my top as I stroke my fingers through her hair. It was like she was twelve years old again, lost and desperate. Or like when she found out she was pregnant and sobbed to me for hours, saying she had no one else to turn to. Eventually, I move her back, studying her face, the stained tears, the sorrow. I smooth the pad of my thumb against her cheek lovingly, jumping to the only other conclusion I could think of.

"Hey, I'm here now." I whisper, assuming it must be the reason. "Nobody's going to hurt you, I promise." I say gently and she shakes her head, lower lip quivering slightly as tears threaten to spill again. "...Is it me? Have I done something? Chelle, please."

"There's something wrong with me." She finally reveals, her body falling slightly at the admittance. I go cold, frozen for a second, staring at her in puzzlement. "The hospital..." She swallows, trying to gather her thoughts. Panic settles in my stomach, waiting with bated breath, but her mouth opens and closes. Silence falling again.

"Michelle, you're scaring me." My hand finds hers, squeezing it. "...What do you mean there's something wrong with you?"

"The hospital phoned." Her eyes fall closed, trying again as I try to calm my overworking mind. Please God, she wasn't ill. I couldn't have her go through anything like what I went through, I'd do anything to protect her from that. I couldn't lose her. Not ever. "The tests... Fertility tests. _My_ tests." She opens her eyes, trying to strengthen herself. "They said... I need to go in tomorrow... Because something's wrong with me." Tears spill down her cheeks, and she tries desperately to tell me everything, her voice broken and wavered between sobs. "And they don't think I can have a baby."

"What?" Is all I can say, rubbing a hand in circular motions on her back as she lets out a pained cry. "...Us?"

"No, me." She continues, her fingers tightening around my top again. "Me... I can't. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Carla."

"Hey, don't you dare apologise." I whisper into her hair, letting her dampen my top again. I still didn't understand, but I rock her all the same, until my back aches from leaning down to comfort her. "Come here. She moves so I can sit in the chair, pulling her into my lap. My arms seal around her, placing kisses against her temple as I wait patiently for her to finish crying. Eventually, she drags her hand across her cheeks, trying to compose herself. "...Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She just replies distantly, swallowing and moving her gaze to her glass again.

"But... Why?" I know it's not the best reaction to have, but I was so confused and none of it was making sense. "You've carried babies before."

"I don't know... I don't... They wouldn't tell me much over the phone." She whispers quietly. "Just that I needed to come in tomorrow so they could discuss something that's cropped up in my tests. So I asked them what it was and they just said my results came back negative. And when I pestered then further about what that meant, the woman gave in and said due to an... Abruption," she waves her hand in the air, "my chances of conception are low."

"Abruption?" I furrow my brow, as she sniffs, nodding in response.

"They wouldn't tell me anything else. I wish I'd never asked." She pushes tears back. "Because now I'm panicking and I'm so scared that's something serious. What if I've got some disease? What if I'm seriously ill?"

"Hey, hey." I press my lips against her forehead, holding her against me. "You won't be."

"You don't know that."

"But _you_ don't know it's anything serious." I point out, trying to stay positive even though I felt physically sick at what she had told me. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"But it has happened." She starts to sob in devastation again. "Because if I can't carry a baby... I can't do this for you. I wanted to do it for you. I wanted to make you happy."

"Ok, hold on." I tap her shoulder firmly. "Please, Chelle, you know how happy you make me. Never doubt that. Never."

"What if this is why Ruairi didn't make it?"

"Don't do this to yourself." I beg her quietly, as she grips my top with both hands, staining it with mascara. "You say they're claiming you can't conceive, so it must be something recent."

"What if it's all my fault?" It's as if my words never left my mouth, but I didn't blame her, I'd be exactly the same if the tables were turned. I just needed to reassure her as much as possible. "What if it's something life threatening? I don't want to die."

"Michelle, you're not going to die." I assure her confidently, sighing as I sway her back and forth. "That's a promise I can make you."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No." She sniffs tears back, shaking her head into my chest without moving back. "Because we all will one day."

"Right, ok, let's not open that door and all." I respond and surprisingly she lets out a small soft laugh, hesitating before I place my hands on her shoulders, trying to guide her back. "Chelle, look at me." I persist, as she grabs my top, stubbornly refusing to move. "Baby, look at me, please." Eventually she surrenders, letting me peel her from my chest, her features stained with greying streaks. She covers her face with her hand when she can tell I'm observing her, and I take it in my own, pulling it away.

"I look terrible."

"I didn't realise my face was a mirror." I arch an eyebrow and she just scoffs.

"So I do then?" She decides, eyes falling to where her legs are tucked over mine. I shake my head sincerely, reaching to push a lock of hair behind her ear. "...You didn't get a call?"

"No."

"That's a good sign." She swallows, before adding; "for you." Attempting to compose herself, she rubs her eyes like a tired child, pulling the sleeves over her hands as she eyes up my top. Why was I wearing white? Of all days. "I got some make-up on your top."

"Mm." I nod, glancing down at it but not really caring much at all. Her comfort came before any material possessions. "It doesn't matter."

"I'll buy you a new one."

"Sweetheart." I sigh, smiling slightly at her kindness. "Pass me that." I point to the bag I had abandoned on the table and she reaches for it, handing it over to me. Digging inside I produce a packet of make-up wipes, removing one and proceeding to gently clear the discolour from her cheeks. She closes her eyes, as if settled by the motion, letting her head fall against my shoulder when I have finished. "When did you get the call?"

"Just after I left Underworld earlier." Her eyes guide around the flat and my heart sinks. She had kept this to herself for most of the day, it made complete sense why she had been distant when she'd arrived back at the flat. "That's why I never came back to work. I forced myself through the meeting. I don't think Sandra was best pleased with my lack of enthusiasm... I'm sorry. I avoided you all afternoon... Sorry again. And then when I got back here I had every intention to tell you. But as soon as I saw your face I felt so guilty. I already felt like I'd let you down and I couldn't bear to upset you."

"Upset me? Babe, oh God. And there's me delivering stupid sarcastic comments. Winding you up. I'm awful." I breathe into her hair for a second. "Oh, you could never let me down. No matter what happens that won't change. And I'll always be here. You have nothing to worry about on that score."

"Can I have some time off tomorrow?" Attempting to strengthen her tone, she fiddles with her necklace, asking me as if she was Beth or Izzy, as if I would even consider arguing with her. "To go to the hospital? I'm scheduled for while our meeting is with Butlers, but I figured only one of us needed to be there. So I'll go on my own-"

"No you will not." I tap her knee firmly, the possibility of me letting her go through it on her own not even crossing my mind. "Butlers can wait. They can wait forever for all I care. We'll have a lazy morning and then I'll drive us there, I'll hold your hand, then I'll drive us back."

"I love you." Her whisper barely cuts above the silence, studying me adoringly. Caving because she knew I wouldn't take no for an answer, and also because she probably secretly really wanted me there with her. "Thank you." Her nose nudges against mine, meeting my lower lip as she presses hers over it.

 **Michelle**

"No, because I've told you I can't come in today." Carla's voice sounds as soon as I open the door of the bedroom, noticing her in the kitchen from where I was in the door frame. She was shouting at someone down the phone, her spare hand swirling a spoon around her coffee. "Because I've got something on Sally. I've sent an email to Butlers." She looks up, spotting me and waving, mouthing 'hi' in my direction. "Well if you're not sure give them a ring."

My head was spinning, a dull ache persisting as I reach the kitchen, grabbing the kettle and filling it. I'd hardly slept and I think it was evident in my expression. The whole night I'd lay staring into the darkness, Carla's arms wrapped around me. I'd pretended to fall asleep, because otherwise she wouldn't have done so herself. Then I tried not to stir, not to wake her, which wasn't a difficult task because for hours on end I'd been glued in the same position, frozen with questions and confusion and self-doubt.

"Ow!" I suddenly exclaim, the sound causing a sharp pain in my dry throat as I accidentally spill a drop of boiling water over my hand.

"Sally I've got to go." Carla practically throws the phone onto the counter, moving over to me and holding my hand under the cold tap. "You're shattered."

"I'm fine." I lie, and I didn't know whether I was even talking about my hand or my fatigue. I let her keep hold of me, even though it made me feel like I was five years old, but the chill hitting my flesh was calming to me.

"Better?" She finally asks, turning the tap off and wrapping a clean tea towel around my hand. I watch her concentration, studying her intently, her care, her love, until she breaks my trance. "Bacon butty?" She picks it up from the counter, wrapped up in the white bag from Roy's.

"You left me?" Panic surges through my question, making it more evident than I intended.

"No, sweetie." She places a hand on my arm. "Kate brought it over. I've been here the whole time."

"I'm not hungry." I just murmur, and she places it back down, sighing as she examines my expression. "But thank you." I realise how ungrateful I'm sounding, pulling away from her and taking my meds from on top of the microwave. I wash them back in a single motion, tempted with taking the whole packet, the way I was feeling. I wondered if that would even calm my anxiety. I wondered if it would do anything at all, or if I'd end up unconscious. Or worse.

I don't know whether she clocks my thoughts from how intently I'm staring at them, but she carefully removes the box from my grip, my tired eyes moving to hers.

"Come here." She wraps her arm around me, a hand on the back of my head as I finally close my eyes, breathing in her scent as I rest my head against her shoulder. "Why don't you try and get some more sleep?"

"I can't sleep." I tell her once I've moved back, brushing a hand over my face to try and compose myself. "What did Sally want?"

"Oh something about Butlers, I don't know. I think she just does it to show the others she's taking charge." Carla shrugs it off, resting a finger under my chin. "Don't you worry about that for now."

"I'd rather worry about it." I swallow. "It takes my mind off the other thing."

* * *

"Baby, you're shaking." I feel a hand slide over my knee, tearing my eyes away from where I was staring blankly at the wall.

"I know." I just admit, not bothering to sugarcoat it. "I'm scared."

"Look at me. Look..." She gently turns my gaze to meet hers, my sullen eyes and limp hair. "Whatever they say today, it's not the end. I'll make this happen. Whatever we need to do."

"Michelle Connor to room nine." I jump out of my seat as a speaker booms into action, panic assaulting my senses, a quiet whimper leaving my throat. My head snaps around, heart thumping, a sickly sweet taste sinking in my throat.

"Chelle. Calm down." I can see the worry in her eyes, she knew what was happening. "Count. Do your counting."

"I'm not a child!" I snap at her, hating how patronised I felt, even though she didn't intend it that way. I squeeze my eyes shut, my name ringing out again, infiltrating my mess of thoughts, impatient, demanding.

 _Michelle Connor to room nine please._

 _Michelle Connor to room nine._

 _Michelle Connor._

"Michelle Connor?" A quiet voice greets, realising the squeeze of Carla's hand over mine. "Is she ok?"

"She will be. It's her anxiety, uh, she's got PTSD." Carla's voice is so muffled as tears spill from my eyes, gasping for breath. "Michelle? One, two, three."

"Four, five, six." I oblige, out of fear, out of confusion, gripping her hand hard.

It was ruined.

It was all ruined.

There was no way they'd let us have a baby after this.

After seeing how stupidly pathetic I was.

I thought I was getting better.

"I thought I was getting better." I fall forwards, sobbing into Carla's chest. This was a mess. It was all a mess. I was a mess.

"You are, you are." Her words soothe me, my heart rate settling and the self-hatred seeping in as it always did. It was like the paranoia that comes in the early morning after a night of drinking. Just before the hangover properly hits. That dread of questioning your actions, processing what happened. Who saw? What did I say? What did I do? Wanting to curl up into a ball and pretend the world didn't involve me just for an hour or two. "Ok, Chelle..." She begins, before changing her tone as if talking to someone else. "I'm so sorry about this."

"I can give you a minute." That same voice repeats, footsteps padding off in the other direction.

"Ok, ok." A hand rotates around my back, face sticky against her chest. I settle myself for a second, not wanting to move, pressing my eyes to the far wall as I just blink back the tears clumping my lashes together. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. No, I just wanted everything to be ok. But it wasn't. I already knew that.

"I don't want them to tell me I'm going to die."

"Michelle, they're not going to tell you that." She promises me firmly and with reluctance, I remove myself from where I was clamped against her. Swallowing to dampen the dryness of my throat, my eyes dart around the room, grateful that nobody was around. Luckily, I had opted to not bother with make-up, so Carla just clears the remaining tears on my face, kissing my nose briefly. "I've got you." She reminds me, and I nod, taking in her words and finally standing up shakily. She looks surprised at the gesture, taking the hand I hold out and guiding me up the corridor.

"Michelle?" That same familiar voice greets as I enter room nine, a sickening feeling flipping my stomach at the recollection. She seemed like a lovely woman, but it was bad circumstances, bad timing, I'd guess from her expression she wasn't always liked by everyone. Not of her own accord. "I'm Dr Fisher, I'm one of the head consultants here. Take a seat. This is your partner?"

"Yeah, Carla, my wife." I introduce timidly, taking the seat opposite her and I notice them both exchange a smile, as Carla takes up the seat next to me. "Uh, I'm really sorry for what happened in there... I am getting better. It's just the shock of everything. It won't happen again."

"Michelle, we're a clinic, not social services." She smiles warmly and it settles my stomach the slightest bit. "Trust me, we've seen worse."

"Have you had your desk flipped and all?" Carla refers back to our conversation with Kaitlyn.

"Oh several times." She manages a laugh, before fashioning a sympathetic expression. "So, we phoned you yesterday, with the results of your examinations."

"Yeah but they wouldn't tell me much." I mutter, wringing my hands under the desk. "Just that it wasn't good news."

"We've studied the fluid samples, and there seems to be absolutely nothing wrong there. You're in good health. Your fertility levels are excellent, especially, if you don't mind me saying, for your age."

"...So... What's the bad news?"

"Although your eggs and ability to conceive are in full working order, after examining the scan of your uterus, we've identified an abruption which would cause... Problems, if you were to actually carry a child." She hesitates, waiting for me to offer something. But I don't, I stare straight at her, waiting for more, waiting for the punchline. "There's an abruption to your womb, which means the tissue has been damaged. I checked your documents... And you had an operation earlier this year?"

"Yeah... I was shot. They had to heal the wound."

"In your abdomen?"

"Stomach, abdomen, I guess around that area."

"...It seems the entry of the bullet is what has caused the issue. The trauma stemmed from the blow, and probably the emergency surgery to heal the wound, has caused the tissue and lining of your womb on the left side to be damaged." I go cold, silent, lost for any comments on the matter. Carla shifts next to me, reaching for my hand and clasping it between both of hers. I hated him. He was dead and he still went on ruining my life more, even though I hardly knew him. "Basically, this means you would struggle majorly to carry a child, as your uterus would now be referred as an inhospitable environment... It wouldn't be stable enough to deal with the growth or nurture of a foetus. The chances are likely you could get pregnant, but between six to fourteen weeks, your system wouldn't be strong enough to continue the pregnancy and it would break down."

My tongue feels raw against the roof of my mouth, unwanted, unpleasant. Mind working overtime to process what she was saying, I beg myself to think of something to say in response.

"So... I'd lose the baby. That's what you're saying?" I finally manage to release a hoarse whisper and she nods apologetically after a hesitation. "And this is recent? Like you say, it's the entry of the bullet? So when I lost my son... A few years ago... This wasn't why?"

"No." She assures me, knowing it would weirdly be some kind of comfort. "I've been informed of that from your records and this wasn't the cause." She hesitates, and I don't know whether she means it in response to my previous question, or the matter at hand as a whole, but follows it up with; "I'm really sorry."

"...It's not your fault." Is all I say, swallowing emotion. I couldn't even cry, I didn't want to cry. I just felt numb. Like all the hurt and sadness had been drained from me already and all that was left was exhaustion. Emptiness.

"Um... Is it going to cause her any health problems?" Carla asks for me, being the voice of reason in the situation. "Will it affect her in any way?"

"It really has little to no impact on your general health." Dr Fisher informs us, brightening her tone slightly. "You may be slightly more susceptible to infections such as STI's. But as long as you're both clear on that score..."

"Yeah, as far as I'm aware." Carla replies confidently.

"Then you should be fine."

"And you can't operate? There's nothing you can or need to do?" Carla continues to question and I look up in time for Dr Fisher to shake her head.

"There's really not a lot we could do. The damage would be too difficult to repair, tissue is difficult to rebind when broken." She moves her gaze to Carla, hesitating before saying. "In results of your tests, however."

"You've got hers?" I finally become alert to the conversation again, the nod of her head setting me straight back on edge. "...And?"

"Everything seems absolutely fine. I have no reason to believe you wouldn't be able to carry a healthy baby naturally, Carla." Dr Fisher reveals, her hands clasping together on the desk. Carla exhales, not knowing what to do in response, probably relieved but not wanting to upset me with it, probably terrified because we now knew the conclusion was a lot more clear cut. "You're not as fertile as you could be."

"You mean if I was twenty five again." Carla manages to stifle a small, mature laugh and Dr Fisher smiles in response.

"But in regards to everything as a whole, your reproductive system is in particularly good health, again, if you don't mind me saying, for forty three." She announces and I resort to biting my nails, so lost in everything that I struggle to decipher whether my thoughts were positive or negative. "The only concern we have is the impact of your transplant earlier this year. Usually we recommend a year since surgery until you try to conceive a child. But, your recovery is going brilliantly clearly and I, and another specialist both conferred and reached the conclusion that your body is in a fit enough state whether you carried out a pregnancy now or at the beginning of next year."

"So... You'd be willing to let me undergo the process now? Well, as soon as?"

"We'd be happy to, yes." She finalises and Carla goes quiet. I knew the thought was terrifying her. We'd sort of divulged in our minds that I would be taking on the role for her, and the sudden turn of the tables was a shock for the pair of us. Especially as Carla's worries for carrying another child were likely to resurface. "Our advice, although you don't have to follow it, for your chances of best results, are if Michelle's eggs were fertilised and then implanted into you, Carla, for growth. This is something same-sex couples tend to do, and prefer, it enforces you both to have a tight connection to the child. And given your test results, like I said, this would most likely lead to the best outcome."

 **Carla**

The drive back to Victoria Street is silent. Once, I attempt to lean across the steering wheel to turn the radio on, but the station starts blaring out Wonderwall, and memories of Liam's wedding to Maria resurface, triggering a sick feeling in both our stomachs, for completely different reasons. I switch it over obediently, some cheesy voiceover advert about Daz laundry powder echoing through the car. Michelle winces, retracting her head momentarily from where she has been staring blankly out of the car window, to just say, "Carla, watch the road". That was all that was exchanged until I park up outside the flats.

She makes no effort to move, her elbow leant against the door, propping her head up as she gazes down the street. Summer sun low as it begins to set, causing the puddles nestled between the cobbles to flare and glint like pools of fire. There's a soft click as I remove my keys from the engine, and she doesn't even look at me, opening the door and stepping out. Following suit, I am guided up to the flat as her shadow, relieved to greet the summer bouquet air fresher that Michelle argued made the flat smell nice.

Where did I even start? What did I say? How could I even begin to comfort her?

"I'm ok." The mumble is quietly released, and I hardly catch it, distracted by how she busies herself around the mugs. "Honestly... I'm ok." She finally sighs, turning to face me, once the kettle is on. I try my best not to look sympathetic, because if there was anything I hated it was sympathy. "I just hate him... I hardly even knew him. Probably served him once our twice in the Bistro, Rovers, might have said the odd 'hi' in passing on the way to The Kabin. But it just shows, doesn't it? You really don't know people sometimes. Somebody with hardly any relevance to you can have such a big impact. I could have lost you. I could have died. I feel anxious all the time and have to take medication. And now I can't have children, because of him." She swallows, the soft whir of the kettle cooling being the only invasion to the silence. "And I don't want to cry." Tears spring to her eyes and I crumble, stepping forward to hold her. "Because I've cried enough and I'm tired of crying. We've done too much over the last few months. I hate feeling weak I hate it. I hate not being in control of my emotions, ugh." She doesn't even cry, just vents her feelings as I rock her, settling her, before she finally murmurs; "I'm glad I've got you."

"I'm glad I've got you." I whisper into her hair.

"Really?" She muffles, clutching a handful of my top. "With my broken womb? ...'Inhospitable environment'. Makes it sound like the estate where we grew up."

"I love you for you." I remind her, having no doubt in my mind that whatever happened that wouldn't change. "You do know I'm gonna make this happen?" I sigh, pulling back to study her. Her eyes search mine, desperate but understanding.

"Carla... I don't want you to put yourself through this if you aren't sure you want-"

"Don't even finish that sentence. I want it more than anything." I raise a finger to her lips. "There's nothing to debate. I'd do it in a heartbeat, for us. Only for us. I never wanted this before, not this much. How crazy does that make me? Hm? For you?"

"So... We're actually doing this?"

"Yeah, seems so." I link our fingers, swinging her hand between us and it's the first time I've seen her properly smile all week. As if the hurt had been erased and replaced with hope. "I promise you I'll try everything and anything." My voice lowers, keeping my words meaningful against the quietness and she softens, gazing at me in adoration. "But whatever happens, we're gonna be alright. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah." She finalises, falling back into my chest. "As long as I've got you. That's all that matters."

* * *

 _ **A/N: I've had this idea in my head for agesss, so I'm glad I've finally been able to write it! Hope you all like how I've played it out! x**_


	37. Collision

**Chapter 37:**

 _ **A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter, but wanted to get something written up before I go to Pride this weekend. I saw quite a few people wanted different outcomes regarding my suggestion in the last chapter. I came up with the idea because I thought it would be nice for both Carla and Michelle to have a connection with the child. People I'm close to have a familiar set-up and regardless of biology I view the children as equally theirs, I just thought it was an idea, but I understand that people want Carla to have a baby, I just didn't want it to be completely Carla orientated, and it opens up doors for how she would cope/react in certain situations during the possible pregnancy. But I'm open to people having their say and I'll think, within the next few chapters, of how to go about things. I like to keep the storyline so it's what the readers want! Thank you for all your input though and thanks for your support!**_

 _ **Trigger warnings:**_

 ** _Mild sexual content (PoV 2)._**

 **Michelle**

"Ugh!" I emerge from the bedroom to see where Carla is tapping furiously at the laptop on the sofa.

"Morning." I greet brightly, surprised at how positive I was feeling. For the past few weeks, the mornings upon waking up had been fairly exhaustive. But after a few days following our results, pressure was easing off. Carla continues to stare at the screen, jamming the keyboard again and I stop, leaning over the sofa. "'Good morning Michelle how are you today'?" I mimic in an overly dramatic voice and she turns to look at me.

"Sorry... Hi." She smiles, pulling me down to kiss her. "Sleep well?"

"Better than I have been." I kiss the top of her head before moving over to the kitchen, pouring myself out a coffee from the jug that was already brewed. "It's a Saturday, stop working."

"The internet's gone so I can't even do anything." She growls at it again, as I sit down cross legged on the sofa next to her, nursing the coffee in my lap.

"I don't know, there's things you can still do." I shrug, and she looks across momentarily to flash me a sultry look, amused. "It's a sign, you see. Even the laptop is telling you to stop working."

"I wasn't actually working." She informs me, giving up and falling back against the cushions. Her head lolls to the side, full lips forming a smile as she watches how I'm looking at her. "I was researching how to be in best condition to look after your baby." She lightens her tone, humouring me as she pats her stomach. Butterflies. At the motion. I have to chew my lip to stop myself smiling so much. "What?"

"The way you did that." I admit, blushing slightly as I indicate to her hand. "It's just made me..."

"Ah, I'm glad I still have that effect on you Michelle Connor." She lowers her tone, seductively, moving forwards to peck my lips. "You're so cute. How you feeling?"

"I'm fine!" I laugh, as she crawls forward again, pushing my hair back with her hand. "Careful of my coffee."

"Ugh." She pulls a face, taking it from my grip and placing it on the table, leaning in once more. Her lips meet mine, her hand falling through my hair, kissing me sweetly. I'm pushed back slightly so my back lowers against the arm of the sofa, pulling her down to continue the embrace. Carla's hair tickles my cheek and I laugh softly, proceeding along her jawline. "What's funny?"

"Your hair, it tickles." I just giggle, resorting to plastering kisses all over her face and she fends me off.

"Alright, alright." Ryan groans, leaving the bedroom and wincing at the scene before him. "I'm going out if you're using this as your sex pad."

"Uh! Ryan. Don't be so rude!" I scold and Carla laughs subtly at how I tell him off like a child. "But feel free to go out."

"Ew... Why?" He pulls a face, and Carla picks a cushion up, laughing into it. "You're like teenagers... You're always hammering on at me if I bring a girl back."

"Your step-mum is not a 'girl'." I furrow my brow and they exchange an amused look.

"Ooh, plot twist." His eyebrows raise, as he winks at Carla. "Could've fooled me."

"Right." I grab the cushion off Carla, hurling it at him and we're all laughing, it feels amazing that we're all happy.

"Wow it's lively in here." The door opens as Ali enters, key in hand, looking put-out when he sees Ryan hovering the cushion above his head, taking aim at Carla.

"Ryan you throw that and you're dead." Carla dares him, as I wave at my other son in greeting. "Ryan!" She jumps up as he chuckles loudly, throwing it so it bounces off her head. Chasing after him as if they were little kids, I watch on contently before realising how bitter Ali looks at the scene.

"You alright darlin?" I pipe up, and he draws his eyes to me momentarily, before looking back at where Ryan was trying to wrestle Carla to the ground. "Ignore the children over there."

"Ryan, careful with her!" Ali calls over and they both look up, as if they hadn't noticed his appearance until now. "She's still in recovery."

"Yeah, you got told, by my doctor." Carla tickles Ryan under the chin and I can't help smiling again, Ali rolling his eyes subtly, so only I notice.

"You just finished a shift?"

"Yeah, I came to talk to you." He lowers his briefcase. "Both of you."

"Hey, if you wanna borrow a tenner, I wouldn't bother asking." Ryan pants, as he helps Carla up. "I asked yesterday and mum said no."

"I earn over seventy grand a year." Ali tells him cockily. "I don't need a tenner."

"Wow." Ryan's face falls and I grin proudly. "...Hey, mate, can I borrow a tenner?"

"Ryan what do you need a tenner for?" Carla sits herself down on my lap, sliding an arm around my shoulders.

"I owe Tim from the other night, he dropped me back and I didn't have enough change."

"Oh Ryan." I groan. "Why didn't you say? Steve'll be chasing me up now."

"So can I borrow a tenner?"

"No, I'll go into Street Cars later and pay it." I mutter, and Carla mouths something to him, which I don't catch in time. But I notice the glint in his eye in response. "What?" I glance between them and Carla shrugs, causing me to emit a light tap on her arm. "You're too soft on him."

"Yeah, can I have a word?" Ali persists impatiently, and I admit I'd almost forgotten he was there. "Without him."

"I'm off for a shower." Ryan holds his hands up in surrender, heading towards the bathroom. "Love you mummy number two."

"Ugh." Carla shakes her head, cringing at it.

"Yeah, speaking of 'mummy's'." Ali takes a seat on the sofa opposite us, and I stare at him intently. "Right, so you know how I have your permission Michelle, to check your medical records so I can see when I need to collect your next prescription?"

"Yeah..." I trail off, instantly realising what he is going to say and clamping a hand over my mouth. "Oh..."

"Oh." Carla repeats, shifting awkwardly in my lap. "...I suppose you've seen mine and all then?"

"Well not intentionally. I am your GP, Carla. I got sent your update forms from your blood tests and had to log them and all." He reminds me and I exchange a glance with her. "Look, I'm just saying, if you need any advice. Feel free to ask."

"...Literally nobody knows." I try to justify and he shakes his head understandingly. "Apart from Kate."

"Hey, I'm not saying you should have told me. I know nothing." He mimes zipping his mouth shut, a small supportive smile on his face. "Just, if you do need anything. At all. I'm here."

"You see, there's perks of having a doctor in the family." Carla tries to brighten the mood, nudging me. "...Ok, do you think we'd have a good chance at you know... Conceiving?"

"I've only scanned your documents, I don't want you to think that I printed them off for bed time reading." He grins slightly. "But I have no reason to see why not, if Carla's willing to carry."

"They suggested we... Uh, put my... You know, in her." I try to explain, finding it suddenly a slightly awkward discussion to have with my son. But Ali doesn't seem phased, Carla just leans down to kiss the revealed portion of my shoulder a few times. "Is that more likely to have a positive outcome than if we use hers?"

"The specialist is going to tell you the best things for a positive outcome. It's not my particular area of expertise, but going by your fertility rate, it's what I'd recommend as well." His eyes flick between us. "And I swear I won't discuss with anyone what you decide. Naturally, I'd imagine you'd want to keep it private." I just nod in response, going quiet as I think on the matter. "I'll leave you both to it."

"Oh, thanks Ali." Carla snaps back to reality as he stands to leave.

"Yeah, thanks sweetheart." I flash him a warm smile and he reaches down to squeeze my knee. "Love you."

"Love you." He waves us off, the door shutting quietly as he leaves.

"Oops." I bite my lip, burying my head into Carla's shoulder.

"You ok? Hey?" She pokes my arm and I look up. "You alright?"

"Yeah." I stretch out, flexing my hands before wrapping my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Mm, what do you want to do today?"

"Go back to bed. With you." She muffles from my embrace. "Ow, you're really tight. Michelle! I can't breathe."

"Drama queen." I laugh, releasing her and she narrows her eyes, sassing me. "We could go shopping?"

"Ooh..." She contemplates, her eyes sparkling at the thought. "Yeah, I like that idea. I need new jeans."

"Yeah you keep wearing mine."

"What's yours is mine baby." She reminds me, tapping my nose playfully. "Oh come on, we basically share a wardrobe anyway."

"We need a clear out." I push my hair back, envisioning all the clothes that littered our wardrobe and drawers. "We've got too much stuff."

"Alright, mum." She nudges me and I roll my eyes. "It might not all fit me soon anyway."

"Don't get ahead of yourself." I place a finger over my lips. "One step at a time, ok?"

 **Carla**

"This isn't gonna be cheap, you know?" Michelle talks to me as she runs her fingers over a chiffon top she is admiring.

"Check the price then." I suggest, bluntly and she turns to face me, confused for a moment.

"Oh, no." She laughs, as my brow furrows. "I didn't mean that. I meant the IVF. It's not gonna be cheap."

"...And that blouse made you think of that?"

"I've been thinking about it all morning." She sighs, taking my hand as we leave the shop. Noise echoes louder as we hit the main shopping centre, children laughing, parents shouting, people chatting. "And we don't know how many times we're gonna have to do it. Each round will add up."

"...Do you think we'll need to do it several times?" I swallow nervously, looking at her for reassurance.

"I don't know." She shrugs, swinging our hands between us as we walk. "I suppose you can't judge these things."

"What so... If it doesn't work, that means I'll miscarry?" I try to keep the stress out of my voice for her sake and she hesitates, thinking on it.

"Well... No. It just won't have fertilised, will it?" Michelle reasons and I go quiet, staring into the distance. We were too distracted now to persevere with shopping. This was playing on our minds every day and the attempts at not getting our hopes up were gradually fading as we discussed it more. "Do you wanna go for lunch or something?"

"Yeah, my feet ache anyway." I lie, because I'd trained myself in heels for so many years, my feet went past that stage a long time ago.

"Carla, if you don't want to do this, or you're having any doubts..."

"I'm not having doubts... It's just pressure... You know, if it's your egg ultimately I'd be losing your child, if something went wrong... And, I don't know, if it takes us a few rounds, and that keeps happening, I'm not gonna forgive myself for doing that to you, I know I won't."

"Ok, first of all, it's _our_ child." She prompts me reassuringly. "I don't care who gives what or does what, that baby would equally be both of ours. I mean, look at Ryan, he's just as much my son as Ali is. And I didn't even carry him either. You'd raise it, nurture it, bond with it, birth it. You'd give so much to our child, it will always be a part of both of us." She pauses, stopping in her tracks as I stare down at the floor. "Carla... You know, if you want to try fertilising your own eggs, I'd be completely happy. I understand if you want that. And I will love you both completely, no matter what you decide." She studies me, and I finally raise my gaze to meet hers. "Think on it." She grazes my cheek with her finger, dropping it back down by her side. " _Or_..." My arm is linked with hers as she starts to lead me towards a nearby restaurant. "We don't just have to have one, you know? We could always have more after-"

"Alright, you said it was me getting ahead of myself!" I finally release a panicked laugh, the idea secretly terrifying me more. "We'll focus on the one for now, yeah? And ignore me. I'm just nervous. I love the idea of us both being a part of it. Really, I do. Roy's my dad, Johnny's my dad, what's biology?"

"Well you can take all the time in the world."

"Not really." I scoff. "I'll be hitting the menopause soon."

"Oh will you heck." She taps my bum lightly, taking a seat at a nearby table and passing me over a menu. "I might have a cocktail." Attempting to divert the subject, she casts her eyes over the top of the cardboard, weighing up my still thoughtful expression.

I notice she's waiting for me to say something in response, so I just opt for; "Hey? Oh, go ahead."

"Well are you going to join me?" She lowers it, nails drumming on the table. I take a moment to study her hand, all her pearly white nails the same length, filed into perfect curves as the dim light fixed into the ceiling above us shimmers off them. Perfect. They would be perfect, even her nails. She genuinely seemed to look better with age, and there was nothing I could fault about her. It was no wonder countless men drooled as she passed in the street, and why all her ex's wanted her back. Everything about her was stunning, whereas I, over time, was feeling anything but. "Carla?" She sings, waving a hand in front of my face, and I retract my gaze from her nails. Raising them to check them over, she frowns, confused at what I was staring so intently at.

"God, you could do so much better than me." I mutter, under my breath but she seems to catch it, because her hand drops back down on the table in confusion.

"Ey?" She studies me. "Where's that come from?"

"Well look at you." I throw a hand out, and she turns to eye up her reflection worriedly in the mirror on the wall by our booth. "You could have anyone you wanted."

"Uh, yeah, you silly cow, and that's you." She arches a brow, looking back at me and I sigh, resting my head on the wall. "Oi, don't be so stupid. Like anyone's ever turned you down."

"They have." I scoff, and she glances sideways, trying to recall. "Peter." I hesitate before daring to release, "Liam." Her eyes flicker back to me, surprisingly not phased particularly by the mention of his name. "And why? Because I'm the woman that's great in bed for a one time thing, but not even considered for a commitment."

"...I'm sorry, are you actually saying these words?" She narrows her eyes, leaning forwards on the table. "You see that ring, on your finger? I'd say that's a pretty solid way of saying I considered you for a commitment, Carla. Stop being so stupid." I can tell there's a wave of anger in her tone, as she grabs at the menu again, making sure it conceals her face. I chew my lip, unsure as to how it transpired into yet another argument so suddenly. At least men hadn't been so stubborn. A lot more inclined to back down for the sake of an easier life. I'd met my match with Michelle, that was for sure. Too much fire at times with not enough water to settle the flame. "So are you having a cocktail, or not?" Her words burn into me, snapping back to reality to see the way she was now watching me again, a twinge of annoyance in her expression.

"What? No, I can't."

"Why?"

"Because firstly I'm not even supposed to drink much anyway. And secondly, I'm cutting out drink if I'm going to be trying to conceive our child." I point out and she falls silent. I know she's not even reading the menu anymore, just looking at it for a distraction from the tension we had built up. "...Who've you even ever had to chase after anyway?" I stupidly bring up what's still playing on my mind and the sound of the menu slapping the wood beneath it makes me jump slightly. "Well Steve and Robert would both have you back in a heartbeat, Peter was desperate for you. I was the one desperate for him-"

"Will you just shut up? Who cares?" She raises her voice, and my eyes sourly drop to the table. I don't even notice the waitress who's approached, the awkward clearance of her throat attracting our attention.

"Uh, do you need a few more minutes-"

"Yes. Yes please." I try to keep my voice calm, but she practically runs off. "...Well she won't be coming back."

"Carla." Michelle hisses, clearly now embarrassed about the nearby table who were scattering glances at us, seeking interest in our domestic. "You got me. I'm yours. Stop fussing."

"...I wasn't trying to start an argument, you know?" I settle slightly, trying to rid the flush of my cheeks. "Initially I was trying to compliment you... And then I started doubting myself."

Her face softens, backing down slightly. "Well you don't need to doubt yourself. You're beautiful, and you're mine." I smile contently, relieved of the reassurance, despite the lack of confidence I'd felt in myself and my body over the last year. "It's just annoying when you bring up other people all the time."

She says it absentmindedly, pulling back and scanning the menu again, but it just flares annoyance inside me again.

"I don't bring them up all the time!" I exclaim, and she looks up, shocked. Her composure withers at the realisation that the argument had apparently not come to and end, groaning softly. "That's such an exaggeration."

"Carla, love, do you really think I'm gonna run off with Steve McDonald when I'm married to you?" Michelle's tone is tired and impatient. "That's not my style. Unlike some."

"Excuse me?" I snap, unsure of whether it was even a dig at me or not. "No, ha, don't forget the time you bedded your client behind Steve's back."

"That's so uncalled for." Her mouth drops open in shock and I hesitate. Maybe it was, maybe that was a step too far. "You really want to drag Will Chatterton into this? The man who stalked and drugged me. Locked me in the boot of his car? Could've... Done worse to me?"

"Ok, sorry-"

"No, Carla. I can't believe you'd even bring that up." She grabs her back angrily, rising and stepping out of the booth.

"Chelle, where are you going?"

"Home."

"You haven't got the car keys."

"Well I'll get the bus." She shouts back and I roll my eyes, pulling myself up and chasing after her. Something I was apparently good at.

"You? On the bus?" I finally catch up with her and she shoots a glare in my direction. "Ok, I'm sorry please could you slow down?" I beg her, but she continues at the same pace. "Chelle, you know I can't keep up for long." She decreases her speed slightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. It was heat of the moment and I thought you were digging at me about cheating." I try to get through to her, her face still like thunder as she stares straight ahead. "I'm admitting I'm wrong! How often does that happen?" I continue, and I notice the subtle roll of her eyes. "...Your hair looks really nice today." I comment and she tries to hide the slightest twinge of her lips at her amusement. "And I'm sorry I can't let you go home on the bus because you'd look so funny between all the school kids and Roy Cropper's."

"Ugh, you make me so mad!" She exclaims suddenly, stopping in her tracks and my brain almost doesn't have enough time to catch up with her actions, feet gluing dangerously to the spot stopping the force they'd been tearing up the hallway with. "You get on my nerves. I stupidly love you for it."

"Because it keeps things exciting." I tease her, slipping an arm around her waist and daring to take a step forward. She continues to glare at me disapprovingly.

"You're a nightmare. You know that, don't you?"

"Oh, so well." I admit, and she shakes her head, pecking my cheek quickly before continuing in her tracks. "...Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"Ha, no." She just mutters in response, although I could tell I was gradually getting through to her. "I just want a lift home."

The only interaction we have for the duration of the drive home is when I reach over to tickle her neck when we stop at the traffic lights. Michelle just shoots me a look, causing me to retract, slightly amused at how grumpy she was being. "Did you get away with this when you were with Nick, and Peter?"

"Yeah, they found me hilarious." Is all I hit back with, and her bitter expression causes me to shut up before I do further damage. No more is said until we reach the flat.

"Right, well, you best help me with the shopping bags." I try and joke, picking up the one pair of jeans I'd managed to purchase since our trip had been cut short. "Oh crack a smile, I've said I'm sorry."

"Yeah, and then you just keep making stupid jokes." She mutters as we enter the flat, keys clattering on the table as I throw them down. "Because apparently me being upset is so funny to you."

"I'm just trying to make you smile-"

"Well I don't need your stupid little sarcastic comments winding me up!"

"Ok, well I'll stop them then."

"No!" She shouts and I frown, confused as to what I could have possibly said wrong this time. "Because it's... Really sexy... At the same time."

We stare at each other in silence, the flicker of her eyes down to my lips was enough to break the space between us and within seconds I've got her up against the wall. Our kisses were fast and eager, battling the heat and diffusing the anger. Her head falls back as I move down to her neck, nipping the spot which makes her release a soft moan. The sound is enough to stimulate a burning sensation between my thighs, and I break away with only enough air to whisper "I shouldn't say this."

"Then don't." She's now toying with the buttons on my shirt, words breathy as her chest rises and falls.

"But you're really hot when you're angry." I hardly have time to say it, because her lips are crashed against mine again, the shirt thrown from my shoulders. I grab the hem of her top, breaking our intense kisses for the briefest moment as it flies over her head. She grabs my shoulders, hair flying around her face as she pushes me backwards, my back colliding with the sofa, my other clothing being removed as quickly as possible.

"Don't think you're getting this treatment every time." She grabs my hand, pulling me towards the bedroom and I spin her around, kissing her as we back into it. I fall down onto the bed, hair fanning out beneath me, watching as she undresses herself quickly. My awe is swallowed, wrist being held up by my head, her fingers lacing it in place as they link with mine. Breath catches in my throat for a moment and she stops, retracting her grip. "Sorry... Sorry."

"No." I shake my head, pulling her hand back to it's original position and she hesitates before moving back in again. "I like it."

"You're not supposed to be rewarded." She whispers against my jawline, pressing burning kisses against it. "But it turns me on, so."

"So you're doing it purely for selfish reasons?" I swallow as she moves down my body. "That's fine by me."

 **Michelle**

"I am really sorry, Chelle." There's a quiet murmur from the silence, my fingers tracing patterns on Carla's bare arm. "I'm sorry for starting an argument and taking it too far. And I especially shouldn't have brought _him_ up. Iget carried away, I honestly don't mean to upset you, I just make stupid jokes afterwards out of self-defence or I guess to try and clear the air. Because I know you secretly like it... Sometimes." I try not to smile as she tickles her fingers up my face, poking my nose gently and I sigh, tilting my face to look at her. "You know I've just been so low in confidence since my operation, well, diagnosis. It's had an impact on my looks and how I feel physically, a big set-back. Sometimes it just hits hard. I shouldn't have made such a big deal in a public place... I just look at you and I'm like... Wow."

"Yeah, and I look at you and think I'm the luckiest person on Earth." I finally manage to get a word in, and she arches a brow. "No, I mean it. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, ok? I mean, I can't say I've ever had a crush on any other women, that's got to stand for something."

"Is that what I am? A crush?" Carla bites her lip adorably, nuzzling her nose against mine.

"Maybe, back in secondary school. Once upon a time."

"You did not have a school girl crush on me, I looked a state back then. Stained school uniform, hair at jagged lengths, scars on my... Thighs." She falls silent at the confession, something only I knew back in the day, eyes flickering up to meet mine. She almost looked embarrassed, as if I'd ever be ashamed of her. "I was a mess."

"Yes, you were. But I loved you for it." I admit and she searches my expression for the care and love I was feeding her. "And you know, sometimes it's not all about 'flaws'; your clothes, your hair, the marks on your skin. It's about how somebody makes you feel. How you made me feel, when I had no one, and I was lost, and you saved me. Maybe, you know, that's what makes someone so beautiful." My voice is barely a whisper by the end of the sentence and she hangs off every word, listening intently. "Plus the fact that, now you've got a proper hairdresser and you've stopped being such a gobby little so and so... Well... Debatable." I pause as she hits me lightly on the arm. "You are, as a fact, incredibly sexy. I'm sure there's not a single person on this street who wouldn't agree with me. Apart from maybe Tracy, but she's evidently jealous of you, so."

"You see?" Carla whispers, linking her fingers with mine against the pillow. "That's all I need to hear, well, more than."

"I should have said it to you earlier, I should have reassured you instead of having a go. I'm sorry too." I brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "But, every cloud, we got good sex out of it."

"Oh you." Carla narrows her eyes playfully and I giggle, kissing her softly. "I'm starving."

"Yeah? Worked up an appetite have you?" I tease, wrapping a strand of her hair around my finger. "I suppose we didn't get chance to eat in the end. We could go to the Rovers? I'm sure Johnny can rustle something up."

"Why does my dad own the Rovers Return?" She contemplates out loud. "Shame you don't still own the Bistro, we'd have half the businesses on the street."

"Are you asking me to go back to Robert?"

"No, no." She muses with me, wrapping her arms around me tighter as if I'd actually up and leave now. "No I like you here, thank you."

"That's good." I kiss the top of her head affectionately, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo.

Eventually, we pull ourselves from the bed, dressing and heading off down the street. The evening air was the perfect temperature, I didn't feel the slightest bit nervous or on edge, which made a refreshing change.

"I'm glad we're friends again." Carla throws an arm around my shoulders and I raise an eyebrow. "You're my best friend."

"You sound like we're back in primary school." I laugh, kissing her cheek all the same. "'Michelle's my best friend not yours'." I imitate her and she chews her lip, holding back a smile. "'I need to stand next to Michelle in the school photo miss because she's my best friend'."

"I never said that."

"You did." I poke her arm playfully. "'Miss Hargreaves I need to go back a year because I'm rubbish at spelling and I want to be in Michelle's class'." I continue to wind her up, recalling when Carla kicked up a fuss about having to leave me at break time one day. "'I think I'm in love with her, I think one day I'll ask her to marry me'."

"Shut up." She shoves me lightly, cheeks flushing. Her gaze falls to the cobbles beneath us, raising the back of her hand to cool her face down from the embarrassment. "I hated Miss Hargreaves... Hey, I remember when you and Tommy Jenkins fell out in year four. You'd always take an extra fairy cake in your lunch box just so he could have it."

"What are you bringing Tommy Jenkins up for? He was my first heartbreak, if you must know." I link her arm, enjoying reminiscing over how far we had come since childhood. "Were you jealous?"

"No. But I do remember when he started playing with Naomi Stevens at break time, calling her his girlfriend and you came home crying to me and your mum." She continues and I give her a look, almost feeling that same pang of hurt and rejection again, experienced at the young age of eight, or probably before. "You came home crying to your mum saying you didn't like boys anymore and you were going to marry Carla Donovan instead."

"Hm... How things work out, hey?" I mumble, smiling to myself. "You see, I was rejected by Tommy Jenkins. So I'm not always in demand."

"Well you are by me." She stops as we round the corner, slipping her arm beneath my coat and pulling my waist towards her.

"I suppose that's all that matters." I watch her, smiling gently to match hers. "Kiss me."

"You kiss me."

"I thought I was always in demand by you." I remind her and she rolls her eyes, easing her lips against mine. It's bliss for a moment, evening sun beating down on us, before a sharp cackle invades our embrace and I groan as I pull away.

"Oi! There's laws against that." Tracy calls us out, standing in the centre of the road opposite number one, staring us down. Momentarily, I wish a car would come pelting down and take her out in one.

"Against what? Kissing in the street?" I pull a face at her. "Not in this country."

"Have they made it into a gay bar?" Tracy asks and I exchange a look with Carla, clearly indicating that we had no clue what she was talking about. "Johnny doing his bit for that half of your family?"

"Ey? What are you on about?" Carla follows where she is pointing, clapping a hand over her mouth as soon as she spins around. I'm immediately staring in the same direction, blinking hard to check I wasn't imagining the blue neon 'Roverz' sign, that hideously replaced the classic titling of the local pub. "What... The..."

"Come on." I tug on her arm, heading towards the door. The pub was buzzing, loud, modern music bouncing off the walls, mingling with the keen chatter of groups of people who hardly looked out of their teens. "What is this? A youth club?"

"Johnny!" Carla tries to shout over the noise, fighting her way to the bar. She grabs my hand, pulling her along so I'm not lost in the crowd, looking distastefully at the cocktail menu perched on the granite topped bar. "Oi, Johnny?"

"Oh hi love." He beams, finally getting time to approach us. "Glad you could make it."

"...To what?"

"The grand opening, of our new 'gastro pub'." He announces, holding his arms out and I glance sideways at Carla, my face both displeased and shocked. "All the locals were invited."

"And... Which of the locals actually turned up?" Carla scans the room, only noticing Tim and Kevin, who were sat squashed in the corner, not amused at the red cocktails they had clearly been forced to drink. "Johnny, this is the Rovers Return. You can't just change it."

"People come here for Newton and Ridley." I pull a face at the drinks menu. "Where's the bitter and mild?"

"We've got an extensive cocktail menu now." He tells me, proudly.

"And I suppose these lot have been enjoying free hot pot and all?"

"No hot pot anymore. Not classy enough." Johnny reveals and my mouth falls open. "We've got halloumi kebabs instead. Whitebait, truffle lasagne."

"Truffle..." Carla winces, screwing her nose up at the thought. "You can't be serious? Do you realise what you've done?"

"Oh good evening to you both." Jenny beams on approach, eyeing us up and down and leaning over the bar to check out footwear. "Good, no trainers, I'd have to put them in the cloakroom otherwise." She grins sickeningly, and I glance back across to notice Tim has bare feet under the table. "I told him next time he's to scrap the jeans and all. Can't exactly take those off him now." An excited laugh emits her lips and I realise I'm completely frozen in shock, eyeing up the now black and pink leather booths, stone tables wedged between them.

"So... The Bistro? You've turned this into the Bistro?" I presume and Jenny looks offended for a moment.

"Not a _bistro_." She emphasises. "It's a _gastro pub."_

Carla stares at me in confusion, begging for answers. "What on earth is a 'gastro pub' when it's at home?"

"A bistro." I just respond bluntly and Jenny folds her arms.

"You may mock, but we're already off to a brilliant start." Jenny indicates, waving a hand at the scene in front of her. "Look at all the custom."

"Ooh I, yeah." Carla nods, studying the surroundings. "And have you ID'd every single one of them? You should have a bouncer on the door."

"Oh actually that's a good idea." Jenny points to Johnny, mentally noting it. "Now, would you both like to try a superstar martini?"

"...Superstar?" I repeat. "Is that with a shot of lemonade instead of prosecco?" I feel Carla nudge me, giggling at my joke, but Jenny just scowls at us both.

"It's just a more classy name." She states, handing a small red drink with a raspberry on top to both of us. "And that is a sample of our Roverz Ripple cocktail."

"Is it alcoholic?" Carla weighs it up, as I down mine in one, grateful of the opportunity to possibly phase out reality.

"Of course."

"Chelle, you can have it." She slides it across to me, and Jenny stares her down in confusion.

"You? Turning down a drink?"

"Well if you don't remember, I did have major surgery a few months back and I don't want another kidney giving up on me."

"Right well..." Jenny watches as I gulp the other one back. "That'll be seven pound thirty then please."

"...You said it was a sample!"

"Yeah, and we're family." Carla adds, as Jenny gradually retracts her hand.

"Fine, just this once." She composes herself sourly. "But we don't do handouts, not for nobody. And yes, I know that was a double negative."

"This is insane." I pull Carla to the side once they've gone back to serving their other customers. "Tell me I'm dreaming?"

"I mean... It's more a club than some fancy wine bar." Carla contemplates, her arms folding against her chest. "If that music gets any louder it'll break the speakers."

"I can barely hear anything." I wince at the noise, guiding my eyes around the room cautiously. I swallow back nerves, annoyed at myself for weakening at the first opportunity of a crowded environment.

"Are you alright?" Carla asks and I whip my head around to face her, nodding to erase the concern in her eyes. Clearly, she doesn't buy it. "Come on, let's get out of here. Hold my hand."

"Uh, Carla?" Johnny shouts over the noise. "Where are you going?"

"The Bistro." She just yells back and I can't help smiling slightly as she leads me out of the bar. "I'm telling you, that's the stupidest idea he's ever had. Except taking my DNA."

"Robert's gonna be fuming." I brush myself down, heading towards the Bistro and I stop in my tracks.

"Hey, you ok?" Carla pauses when she notices, taking a step closer to me.

"You know what? Can we get a take-away instead?" I ask her, warmed by the understanding nod of her head. "I just want you and the sofa."

"Yeah. Course." She kisses my nose, lacing our fingers together as we head back in the other direction. "Sounds perfect to me."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Again, thank you so much for your support so far!**_


	38. Connection

**Chapter 38:**

 ** _A/N: Once again, quite a fluffy chapter. I'm trying to make the process quite realistic time wise so some fillers are in between. I've found I'm writing a lot of solely Carla and Michelle scenes. Do people like this or would you prefer them to have more scenes separately with other characters? Let me know, it's just that I find myself drawn towards writing soft content between the two of them. I don't know why this chapter is so long!_**

 ** _Trigger warning:_**

 ** _Sexual content (PoV 3)_**

 **Carla**

"Alright Neil, it'll be with you at three o'clock sharp." I grin down the phone, despite the client not being able to see the sickly smirk plastered onto my face as I fake flirt with him. There's a knock on the door and I beckon Sinead in, watching her wait patiently with her hands clasped in front of her. "You know us, we never fail to deliver. Literally. Speak soon, ok, buh-bye." I roll my eyes as soon as the call has ended, placing it back onto the hook, smile dropping in relief. "Sinead?"

"Hi, Mrs Connor." She raises a hand awkwardly and I narrow my eyes. "I was just wondering if I could have the afternoon off tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" I repeat, eyes widening as I check the calendar on the wall. "You do realise that was Neil Trindley? And his order needs to be there by three o'clock on Thursday. Tomorrow is Wednesday."

"Yes, I know. And I'll make it up to you. I'll do overtime tonight."

"What makes you think I want to sit here until seven while you do overtime?" I raise an eyebrow, sighing at her hesitant expression and checking the figures on the sheet next to me. "Go and get Sally, go on."

"Mrs Connor?" She appears almost immediately, expression bright and professional, posture ready to serve any desire I had. "Sinead called for me?" She indicates to where Sinead is eyeing her up annoyedly, having been pushed to the side. "How can I be of assistance?"

"Have you got the progress check?" I hold my hand out, and she produces a piece of paper from the clipboard in front of her. I scan the figures. Surprisingly, we were ahead of schedule. Unsurprisingly, Beth's production calculations were lower than everyone else's. "What do you need the afternoon off for?"

"Uh... Appointment." She just states, and I eye her up and down, receiving the telepathic message she was almost sending me.

"Ok, because you're working faster than anyone else by the look of this." I hand it back to Sally, who furrows her brow slightly at my comment. "Can I have a word with you a second, Sinead?" She nods obediently and I flash a sideways look to Sally, who is still waiting patiently at the door. "Thanks Sal, you can go now."

"Oh... Well would you like a coffee, Mrs-"

"No thanks Sal, just get back to work." I flash her a persistent smile and she nods before leaving. Waving my hand towards Michelle's chair, Sinead lowers herself into it, staring at me intently. "I take it this is why you needed your job back so desperately before then?"

"...Literally nobody knows." She starts to stress, clearly shocked that I could pick up on her hints. "Except Daniel, obviously."

"Well, congratulations." I smile warmly. "Your secret is safe, don't worry. Eight week scan?"

"Yeah, well, nine." She shrugs, clearly nervous at the prospect and I sigh, closing my eyes momentarily.

"You'll be fine. It's a breeze." I promise her, trying not to drag up too many memories and she nods, knowledgeably. "Just make sure you've got Daniel with you, and some tissues."

"Yeah, I will." Sinead says quietly, waiting for me to say anything further.

"Let me know if you need any other time off and we'll work around it."

"Really?" Her eyes widen, which came as no shock; they were all used to me being the same old hard-faced cow who was bad cop to Liam, Nick and Peter back in the day.

"Yeah well, I'm going soft." I admit, before realising how nice I was actually being. "Now go on, don't be wasting anymore of your time away from that machine."

"Thanks, Mrs Connor." She looks at me so genuinely as she leaves, door swinging shut. For a moment, I'm lost in a trance. I knew how she felt, those nerves, the excitement, the unknowing. Having no idea of the emotions that would overcome the second my baby appeared on the screen. As blurry and disorientated as it had been, buried between the wavy black and white lines. She had been mine, and I could see her inside of me, for the very first time.

"Guess what?" I jump in shock as the office door closes with a jolt, raising a hand to my chest as my head whips around to face Michelle.

"Oh my God, you idiot!" I snap, her expression suddenly falling. "You scared me."

"Sorry... You were miles away." She gazes at me apologetically, wonder knitted into her eyes. "...Are you ok?"

"Yeah, except my heart completely stopping for five seconds." I compose myself, and she smiles slightly, taking a seat on my desk so she is facing me.

"Ok, guess what?" She grins excitedly and I arch a brow, drawn into her adoringly.

"Hi." I respond, bluntly and she rolls her eyes, leaning in to kiss me quickly.

"Mm, hi. Guess what?"

"Oh, what?" I groan, although I didn't really care, it was sweet and made me content to see her so carefree.

"I've just had my meeting with Angela Collins, and I've only talked her into doing a year long business deal with us. That's secure income of eight grand from them every month for a year." She claps her hands and my face lights up, opening my mouth to congratulate her, but she raises a finger to my lips. "And, she's given us three free tickets to that fashion event this weekend. Free bar and everything. Hm? Do I rock or what?"

"Can I talk now?"

"Now you can talk."

"You're amazing." I hold a hand up to high-five her and she slaps her palm against mine. "That's ninety six grand over the next year, Michelle!"

"That's quick math." She points at me, impressively. "Yeah, she's supplying to all the bigger stores of hers; Manchester, Leeds, London, Liverpool, etc, and said that if after the first three months the profit is as good as usual, she might even expand the deal to some of the smaller franchises."

"How did I ever run this business without you?" I humour her, feeding off her excitement. "You've done good girl."

"I'm actually so proud of myself." She bites her lip and I smile, tilting her chin to kiss me. Rising, she slips off the desk and into my lap, her hand warm on my cheek as we embrace.

"I'm proud of you-"

"Mrs... Connor... Connors?" Sally's efficient tone gradually slows, falling in enthusiasm as she realises she has interrupted the scene in front of her. "Sorry... Have I got you at a bad time?"

"No, a very good one." I wrap my arm around Michelle, as she looks at Sally expectantly. "What do you want now?"

"Uh, Peter Barlow is outside." She informs me and I feel Michelle shift in my lap, going rigid at the thought. Great, everything had been perfect for a matter of minutes, now it was about to go to shit once more. "Asking if he can have a word?"

"A word about what?" Michelle pipes up before I can open my mouth, trying to keep the bitterness from my tone.

"...I don't know, I can ask?"

"No, just send him in." I sigh reluctantly and Michelle's eyes fall to my lap, proceeding to get up. Pulling her back towards me, I seal my arms around her, causing her to gaze at me in surprise. "No no, you stay here."

"Hi. Uh, hi Michelle." Peter enters awkwardly, and upon her offering nothing in response, he continues. "Listen, I wondered if I could ask you a favour. I've got no one else to ask. Leanne's away with Toyah, Steve's working, dad's-"

"Yes get on with it, what is it?" I press him, and I notice the slightest smile on Michelle's face at my lack of enthusiasm.

"I wondered if you'd look after Si." He unveils and I exchange a look with Michelle, confused. "I know you're working but he'll just sit here playing on his phone, I just need someone to watch him."

"...Peter, he's fifteen." I point out, not even needing to think to calculate it. "He doesn't need babysitting."

"No, I know but it's these lads he's been hanging around with. He's got court coming up. I don't want him out on the streets where they could get involved again."

"And what business is it of Carla's to look after your son?" Michelle asks sternly and I squeeze her hand, knowing she wouldn't like what I was about to say next.

"I mean, I'm sure he won't be too pleased about it. He doesn't like me much as it is. But sure, he can sit here, as long as he behaves himself." I shrug, giving in and Peter smiles appreciatively, Michelle's head snapping around to shoot me a disapproving look. "Babe, I don't want him in danger on the streets, do I? What harm is it going to do, really?"

"Thank you, so much." He moves his hand down to encase mine on the desk, and I pull it away, knowing it would be the worst move to make. Michelle confirms my assumptions by glaring at him subtly, fiddling with her hands in her lap like a sulky child. "He's sat on the step, I'll grab him."

"Chelle, please don't get annoyed at me."

"I'm not." She finally gets up, pushing her hair back as she tries to calm herself. "Like you said, you're only looking out for him."

"It was never Simon's fault, you know? Anything that happened-"

"Carla, I've said it's fine. You don't need to try and justify yourself." Michelle falls into her chair, logging onto her computer. "I was going to take you for an early lunch to celebrate though."

"...I'll make it up to you later." I try to sweet talk her and her head rolls around to face me, eyebrows poised in the air. "I'll take you for dinner tonight instead? Somewhere really posh?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" She leans forward slightly, chin secured on her fist as she gazes at me with interest.

"Maybe. Are you going to turn me down?" I tease her and she slowly shakes her head, giving in to me. "Good, because I thought we could have dessert at home after and all." I taunt her for a moment, sliding the smooth part of my heel up her leg under the desk, turning back to face the computer. "We've got that Freshco's finest cheesecake in the fridge."

"You're so bad." She whispers and I smile to myself, flickering my eyes across to her for a brief second.

"Right you'd better behave yourself." Peter's voice cuts through the rising sexual tension, annoyingly. "Say hi to Carla and Michelle."

"Dad I'm not five." He scowls at him, flashing me a forced smile. "Hello."

"Do you want some warm milk and a choccy biscuit?" I dare to tease him and his expression withers. "I'm winding you up, force of habit."

"You never made me warm milk." He points out and I shrug, pointing to the nearby chair.

"Have you got some homework to do, Si?" Peter asks him, starting to fret and Simon raises his head to glare at him.

"It's the school holidays." He prompts, pulling his phone out of his coat pocket, which he seems intent on keeping glued around his shoulders. "I'll just talk to my mates."

"Not _those_ mates." Peteremphasises, peering over his phone as he tears it away.

"Don't worry, I've been here before." Michelle assures Peter, waving her hand to usher him away. "We'll manage."

"Thank you. You make lovely parents." Peter means it as a joke, having no idea of our current intentions, but I catch Michelle's eye awkwardly all the same. "I'll be back when my shift is over."

"Clear off." I flash him a small smile as he leaves, folding my arms on the desk and watching Simon. "So."

"Oh no, are you actually going to talk to me?" He pulls a face and I raise my eyebrows, knowing his cheek all too well. Chewing my lip, I glance at the clock, noticing the sinking feeling in my tummy.

"Did you have breakfast?" Michelle's telepathy causes my eyes to dart from the clock to her, studying the caring depth of her gaze. "You need to start looking after yourself. I'm not always gonna be there to make it for you."

"Planning on going somewhere?" My question prompts her eyes to narrow, Simon grunting tiredly at the ongoing conversation. Giving the slightest shake of her head, I sigh, pushing back from my desk and grabbing my bag. "Come on, we're going for lunch."

"Uh, we've got Simon." Michelle points to his slumped manner, unenthusiastically raising his head at the mention of his name.

"Yes well, I'm sure Simon is capable of doing exactly what he is at the moment but in the café instead-"

"Oi, you've gotta come see this." Ryan barges into the office, eyes lit up excitedly.

"Will people stop barging in here!" I exclaim, eyeing up Ryan curiously.

"Come and see this." He beckons us, ignoring my comment and I glance at Michelle worriedly. "Uncle Johnny is in trouble I'm tellin' ya."

"Trouble?" Panic sets in and I rise from my seat, but the look of amusement rather than stress in his expression settles my fears. "What kind of trouble? Is he ok?"

"Yeah he's fine, I think. Until he sees this." He tears out of the office and I call after Simon to follow, Michelle not far behind him. The sound of raised voices and annoyed slurs can be heard as soon as I leave the factory, my wife and previous step-son joining by my side.

"What on..." We all stare down the street to where a bunch of people are crowded around the Rovers, some with signs in their hands. I grab Michelle's hand, heading down the steps in the direction of the noise, the chanting that was beginning to become more perceptible. Simon reluctantly scuffs his feet as he trails behind us, before lifting his phone and starting to film the scene in front of him.

"Carla." Michelle hangs back for a moment and I squeeze her hand comfortingly, triggering her to pick up her stride.

"Save our Rovers! Save our Rovers!"

"Oh for goodness sake, I told them this would happen." I mutter under my breath, finally reaching the crowd. Ryan had somehow acquired a sign, cheering with a gleeful smile on his face and Michelle tears it from his grip, scolding him.

"Ryan!" She hisses, throwing it down on the floor. "This is your family business."

"Yeah but... It's drama isn't it?"

"Oi!" I yell over the noise and a few people turn to face me, inquisitive at my appearance. "What's going on?"

"We're protesting." Tim drones, leant back against the brick wall, can of beer in his hand. It was clearly an act of rebellion, and the way he states it as if it wasn't obvious sends my eyes rolling.

"We want our Rovers back." Steve chips in, waving an A4 sheet of paper, probably from the print tray at Street Cars, in Michelle's face. 'We want Newton and _Riddley_ ' was scrawled across it messily in black marker pen, and Michelle studies it blankly for a second.

"It's one 'd', Steve." She states and he glances at the sheet he is proudly holding up, confused.

"What?"

"'Ridley', it's only one 'd', you idiot." She huffs, pointing it out. "We worked with them for years, for God's sake."

Steve groans, turning the sign around to reveal the writing on the other side, hardly legible, but reading 'we want the Rovers to return'.

"Inventive." I'm almost amused at the pun, Michelle folding her arms across her chest defensively.

"For him." She adds, and for a brief moment he looks proud, face falling in annoyance when he catches on to her dig.

"Ok, where even are Johnny and Jenny?" I turn to Ryan, who just shrugs, taking a can from Tim and cracking it open. Michelle shoots him a disapproving glare, and he offers her a sip, before pulling back at the look on her face. "Oi!" I shout again, the noise continuing, and I clap my hands loudly. "Everyone shut up!"

Michelle looks impressed as the crowd falls silent, faces, some of which even I didn't know, turning to look in my direction.

"Where's Johnny and Jenny?"

"Who's Johnny and Jenny?" A scruffy looking man with a peaked cap looks me up and down.

"Uh, the owners of this place?" I indicate to it, and he looks put out at the idea. My eyes drift up to where the neon sign was currently a dull blue, clearly out of service.

"They went to town love." Rita ambles through the crowd, seeming just as irritated as us at the uproar. "They don't open this place until three now."

"Oh, this is ridiculous." I moan, the loud clatter of Simon kicking an empty can up the street in boredom, filling the empty silence. "I knew this would happen."

"I did warn Jenny." Rita brushes her coat down, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone. "You change the Rovers, you change people's lives."

"Yeah tell me about it, I built that place up." Michelle points to it aggressively.

"And me." Steve tries to offer and she scowls at him.

"You almost let it fall to pieces. On multiple occasions."

"Uh, I managed to run it fine after you left-"

"After I left? You mean after you cheated?"

"We were on a break!"

"Alright Ross and Rachel, calm it." I snap, cutting over the hysterics of their argument, although satisfied that Michelle clearly still held a dislike towards him. The noise levels were beginning to rise again, people losing interest in our conversation.

"What's going on?" Robert appears, fully suited in his black chef attire, and I groan. Brilliant, more of Michelle's ex's, just what this situation needed.

"They're all protesting against the new Rovers." Michelle informs him, dully and he shrugs, picking up the sign by Ryan's feet.

"Count me in. I've lost loads of business thanks to them."

"I'm bored now!" Simon whines from behind me, chanting getting louder as I turn to face him. "You're not very good at looking after kids."

"Simon!" Michelle snaps, noticing the sudden drop in my expression. I know he only meant it casually, but stupidly, it hurt. And probably because very often, it was true.

"Ah, she does alright." Ryan tries to back me up, tapping my shoulder. "If she bribes them."

"Ryan!" Michelle spins around to face him, and I try to force the sadness back. The cheeky look on his face falls, it had been a joke, but he realises how much it stings me as soon as he studies my composure.

"You're not a kid." Simon points out to him. "You never had to put up with her rubbish cooking and bottles of wine left lying around the flat."

"Simon!" This time, the name was called out by a more unappealing tone, Peter joining the rabble, having seen it from his cab window. "Apologise, now."

"I was only joking-"

"I said apologise." Peter says firmly and I shrug it off, taking a step backwards.

"I thought you were working?" Michelle seems bitter at his appearance, and he glances over to where Steve is gulping back the remnants of the can in his hand.

"I thought you were supposed to be and all?" Peter calls over to him. "You said you couldn't look after Simon."

"Well I uh..." Steve faffs, in that same awkward manner that winds me up. "I meant working on... Getting the Rovers to return-"

"Oh shut up about that." Michelle intervenes, pulling a face at his pride. "Carla, a word."

"I'm going to wait for Johnny-"

"A word." She pulls on my hand, a few people whistling in response to her dominance and I sigh, following her up the street now I knew Simon was safe back in Peter's company. 'Safe', whether accurate or not, at least now back with his dad I wouldn't be responsible for any trouble caused. "Are you ok?"

"Fine." I shrug my shoulders, blatantly playing it cool because she can see the upset still woven in my face.

"That's a lie."

"Then why ask?" I arch my eyebrow, Michelle turning to look back at the crowd, now a fair few metres away, before taking my hand. "It's just not the most reassuring thing to hear when you have future aspirations of being a mum, is it?"

"He was only joking."

"It's still true, Chelle." I sigh, my posture drooping slightly. "Can we go to the Bistro or something? I need a drink."

"A soft drink, yeah." She eyes up the pleading look of my expression. "You're stronger than it."

"Please, Chelle."

She sighs, giving my hand a gentle squeeze and leading me off in that direction. "Come on."

 **Michelle**

"Please tell me that's a gin and tonic?" Carla drones into her folded arms, head lay on top of them forlornly, staring at the sparkling water I place down in front of her.

"Daniel's going insane with Robert having walked out." I try to divert her question, taking up the seat opposite her. "I ordered you some food and all, I can tell you're starving."

"Quite a CV you've got there." Carla takes a reluctant sip of her drink, mood sunken. "Barmaid, wedding planner, knicker factory boss, _mind-reader._ "

"Alright, you, sarcy." I poke her arm, and her eyes drop to the table. My gaze softens, reaching forward to tilt her chin upwards, levelling my face with hers. "Babe, you're going to be the most amazing, loving mum. Ok? Don't let some moody teenage boy make you think anything else. You're good with Simon. I've told you before, and he knows it, he really does adore you, deep down. He didn't mean it maliciously." I graze a finger down her cheek and she unravels her arms, walking her fingers across the table to find my hand. "Hm? If I didn't believe it, why would I be so desperate to have a baby with you?"

"...I'm just scared." She admits, swallowing as she weighs up my reaction. "I know I told you I wasn't but now it's all becoming so real... I'm terrified of messing things up. I'm scared of the idea of getting bigger, having the responsibility of child completely depending on me for nine months, giving birth... That makes me sound so pathetic and... Weak. I really wish I could be like other women who just take it with a pinch of salt; like it's no biggie, you know, they were made to do it. But I'm not, and it's scary. It's really scary."

"Sweetheart, all women are scared. Trust me, some might look like it's a breeze, but they've all got fears. I was petrified." I lower my voice, moving the pad of my thumb soothingly over the back of her hand, her silky skin soft beneath it. "These worries, there isn't a single mum-to-be who doesn't stress over them. You're not alone. I promise you. Hey, you've got me, and I will do absolutely anything to make you feel as happy and safe and comfortable as possible. That's something a bloke couldn't do so accurately, hey? I know... Exactly which temperature the bath water is best at for cramps. I know how much chocolate spread to put on a piece of toast to soothe the cravings." I list off and she emits a small giggle, prompting a satisfied smile to cross her cheeks. "I have a whole box of maternity clothes you can have, granted, you'll probably screw your nose up at most of them, but the offer is there."

"I love you." Carla whispers, eyes glazing over as she smiles contently. "I love you so much."

"And for the record, stop comparing yourself to 'other women'." I point at her with my spare hand. "Because I don't want anyone else. I wouldn't have you any other way."

Carla bites her lip, blushing slightly as her eyes fall to where she is now playing with my fingers. It was adorable; the way she could fall so shy and innocent, despite knowing me for pretty much the entirety of her life. "How is it... You always know the exact right things to say?" Her eyelashes flutter upwards, sea green orbs gazing at me lovingly.

"Practice, I guess." I shrug, smiling back at her and she enjoys the moment for a matter of seconds. Gradually, her smile fades and I can tell she's thinking on something. "Hey, anything else on your mind?"

"...I had a call from the hospital. My medication is ready to pick up." She unveils quietly, looking nervous at the prospect. "A daily injection... For two weeks. They're going to show us how to do it apparently, when I go to get it."

"Oh ok." I swallow, nodding understandingly. I felt guilty. She was having to undergo all of this for both of us. I hated the thought of her being in pain or discomfort. I wished more than anything I could take the burden, but that was a door we had tried to close, tried to move past now we knew there was no way of entering through it. "That'll be alright, I'm sure."

"Yeah... Was never really very keen on injections. Especially after having them in and out of me for months when I was waiting for a transplant... Not simple for us is it, hey? But love is stronger. So much stronger."

"I can always do it for you." I suggest gently and she looks confused for a moment. "The injection. I'll be your nurse."

"Ooh, will you dress up in the costume and all?" She perks up slightly at the thought and I raise an eyebrow, tempted at the idea.

"If you like. I can give you a sticker after for being good and all."

"I can think of something better than a sticker." She clears her throat and I raise a finger to my lips, peering around the Bistro, kicking her gently under the table. "I'll be fine, I'm just being a wuss."

Shaking my head, I hesitate, knowing there was no point in releasing my imminent words, but needing an outlet for my guilt. "You know I'm really sorry. That I can't do this. I would, in a heartbeat, if I could."

"Hey, stop that." She almost looks apologetic herself, as if regretful about her admittance. "I want to do it. I do. I want to carry a baby with someone who's going to actually look after me... Who's not going to be looking for more when my body starts to change."

"I'd never do that." I promise her, without even having to think on it for a second. "Why would I ever want more? You're everything."

"Careful, you're going all gooey now. I'll heave." It's her defence mechanism, but I know she's touched by how genuine my words are. "No, I know... I've finally found the real thing, haven't I?"

"I'd like to think so." I giggle slightly, my eyes strangely glazing over and she lets out her own content laugh.

"Don't cry. Soppy." She nudges me and I let my hair fall over my face, trying to hide it while I compose myself again. "You've cheered me up. That's hard to do, so quickly especially."

"You don't think I know that?" I watch her for a few seconds, looking down at how her lips sit perfectly, temptingly. "Give me a kiss." I lean forward and she does the same, meeting mine across the table. "I love you."

* * *

"Right, ok." I study the syringe, having unwrapped the packaging from around it and placing the other thirteen back in the cupboard. "You know, we could have taken the route without so many drugs?"

"Yeah but I want to strengthen our chances as much as possible." Carla looks over at me, wincing at what I'm doing and immediately looking away. "As tempting as it is not to." She groans, putting her head in her hands and I approach her hesitantly, sitting down on the sofa. "God, I need to grow up."

"You ready?" I ask softly and she just nods into her hand, pulling the hem of her top up slightly.

"Wait." She suddenly stops me, and I lower where I have the needle poised in my hand. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"Yeah." I manage a laugh, tilting her head to face me. "Trust me."

"I do. Go on, just do it." She waves a hand, dismissively, turning away again and I force myself to be confident. This was the last thing I wanted to have to do to the person I loved, but she asked me to, so there was no way I was refusing. I'm as gentle as I can be as I carry out the procedure I was demonstrated over and over earlier on at our appointment, injecting into the side of her lower stomach. I knew after the first few times she would be absolutely fine, she'd probably be able to handle doing it herself, it was more the fear of the process actually starting that was setting her on edge.

"Ok, done." I finish, disposing of it in a plastic bag that I throw on to the coffee table while I tend to her first. "Finished. See, that wasn't too bad?"

"Yeah." She sighs, finally looking at me and I lean over to kiss her forehead. "I suppose."

"If you feel ill let me know." I run my hand through her hair, grazing my other thumb very gently over the area I've just injected. "Is that sore at all? Do you want anything on it?"

"It's fine, just, can I have a hug please?" She asks so politely I melt adoringly, wasting no time before pulling her into my chest. "Sorry for being a baby."

"You're not being a baby." I plant kisses into her hair and she falls silent, contently listening to my heart beat. "Did it hurt?"

"Only a bit. I've had worse. I've got worse to come." She contemplates, muffling into me. Massaging her scalp, I whisper soothing words against her ear, calming her fears. There's a point where I wonder whether maybe she's fallen asleep, but eventually, she drags herself from our embrace, eyeing up the bag on the table. "You make a good nurse."

"I'll consider it for my next career then." I squeeze her hand quickly before getting up, taking the bag carefully in my grip and heading over to the kitchen to bin it.

"Do you mind doing that for me?"

"Not at all." I respond to where she's asked quietly from the sofa. It was a partial lie, but all the same, I'd adhere to any wishes she had. "However you want to do things."

"...I really want this to work." The desperation of her whisper causes me to turn from where I'm faffing in the kitchen, looking over at her. "I can't believe I'm prepared to do anything to have a baby, when a few years ago it's the last thing I ever wanted, even through the simplest of ways... I don't want all this to be for nothing. And I don't want to disappoint you. I know you'll say I won't, but I know, if it doesn't work, which is a high possibility, Michelle... I know you'll be gutted and the thought of that breaks my heart... I just want to make you happy so badly."

I stay in silence, contemplating what to say in response, and her eyes travel to her lap awkwardly. Leaving the kitchen, leaving anything I was doing, I position myself back on the sofa next to her, taking both her hands in mine. "Carla, look at me." I'm gentle as I say it, obliging as her head raises, swallowing her worries back as she reads my expression. "If this doesn't work, it's not the end. We've got each other. We'll always have that... And if you still want a baby, if it doesn't, I'd understand if you decide to have one with somebody else. I don't want to stop that from happening for you-"

"Woah, stop. Stop." She says abruptly, my mouth sealing shut as her brow furrows. "No. Why would you even suggest that?"

"Well... I just mean..." I suddenly feel incredibly stupid, embarrassed, my cheeks flushing dramatically. I felt like crying. What a ridiculous thing to say. "Sorry... I just... I feel like this is all my fault-"

"No, Michelle." She responds firmly, and the guilt wrenching in my stomach causes tears to spring to my eyes. "Not in a million years. The only person I even want that with is you. I wouldn't be considering it otherwise. You come first. Every time. Always. Have you got that? Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I almost sound scared as I obediently release the word. Her eyes soften, realising how intense she suddenly came across and I shift my gaze to the mantelpiece, studying the framed photo of us at our engagement party. I was supposed to be being the strong one here. Why was I now sat crying? Brushing the tears from my cheeks, I take a deep breath, realising the depth of apology on her face when I look back at her. "Can we just forget I said that please and just..." I stop, getting caught up in her eyes, literally taking the words from my mouth. Her head tilts forwards, her palm warm on my cheek as she starts to kiss me. The connection was soft and sweet, almost like the first time we ever kissed. Weirdly, I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach at the way she prolongs the press on my lower lip, catching it between hers. She was such a good kisser, I'd known that from the second she instigated it back in January. Granted, she'd had the practice, but somehow Carla has this method of making me feel like the only person she had ever truly appreciated in such an embrace. I'd like to imagine that was true, although I'm sure Nick, Peter, both my brothers had probably felt this same feeling. But I had her now, she was all mine, and I'd never felt luckier. And I knew I'd feel that way for the rest of my life, the same warm, special feeling when she kissed me, because I genuinely believed we would stay together. I honestly knew this was for keeps. This is what I wanted, her, as crazy and insane as it once upon a time might have been.

"You taste nice." The words are whispered against my lips, a rush of desire racing through me as her hand glides up my thigh.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you about that. I've found a new lip balm and it's literally the best thing ever-"

"Yeah it is." She kisses me again and I shut up, smiling against her. "You're so cute." She giggles, biting gently on my lower lip. "I could do this all night."

"I don't mind." I murmur, my eyes flickering up to hers, noses nudging together. "Why can I still feel myself falling when I thought I'd already hit the ground?"

"Ey?" She pulls back, frowning worriedly, much to my dissatisfaction. It was supposed to be smooth, she clearly hadn't got it.

"Falling, _in love_?"I circulate my hand in the air, trying to elaborate and she looks relieved when she catches on. "I thought I'd already fallencompletely."

"Ah, ok, I get it now." She nods, impressively. "I thought you'd gone mad for a second."

"I am mad." I roll my eyes at the fact the moment had been destroyed. "Doctors say so."

"Yeah you must be, to fall for me." She tries to lighten and I narrow my eyes playfully. "And still be falling, apparently."

"Just come here and quit mocking me." I pull on her top and she happily obliges, pressing a hand to my chest to allow me to fall against the arm of the sofa. "You said you could do this all night, don't think I won't take that seriously."

"Just this?" She whispers seductively and warm chills cascade down my spine, trying to stop myself gulping desirably at the sudden huskiness of her tone. "Or do you want anything more?"

"Depends what you've got on offer." I dare to attempt teasing her back, challenging her game to seduce me. "Maybe it's not just my lip balm that tastes good."

"Ooh, that was smooth. I'll give you that one." She grins, nodding impressively as she leans down to meet my lips again. "And I'd bet my life on that being true."

"That's a risky game."

"Well I'm a risky girl Michelle Connor." Her words tickle my cheekbone as she trails kisses up it, moving down to my jawline. "Thought you knew that by now." Her hand slides back up my thigh, meeting the warmth she had inflicted upon me. It was her fault. She drove me insane. Annoyingly, she knew it. "Oh, clearly."

"You are so full of yourself." I gasp, feeling ripples of pleasure once my underwear has been effortlessly removed. I only now notice the slight shimmer of the paint on the ceiling. Or perhaps it was my eyes deceiving me. Perhaps I really was going starry eyed, quiet whispered breaths emitting my lips as my fingers tighten in her hair. It was soft, it was what I needed, despite the heat of our vocal build up. We both just wanted love and affection, and that's what we gave each other. Every time. She was incredible, off the scale. This is what it really was supposed to feel like. This was intimacy. This was love.

It's gentle, the heavy rise and fall of my chest so content with her actions. I stare up at her, not removing my eyes from hers. I loved letting her see how she made me feel. When we weren't winding each other up, trying to get one over on one another. When we just accepted that we both knew exactly how the other wanted it. I didn't need anything else, just this, just the shift of my hips against her hand.

"You're so beautiful." She whispers, grazing her spare hand through my hair, over my cheeks. I smile slightly, between the soft pants of breath. "I love this. You seem so content and happy."

"I am." I confirm, swallowing and she gazes at me adoringly. My own hand moves towards where she's lying next to me, indulging her as she does me, knowing that the soft sounds leaving my mouth were turning her on again. We were both enraptured in pleasure, the connection of our lips hot as I have to utter her name onto her tongue, feeling myself fall for the way she bites down on her lip at the passion I was giving her. I climax, tears of happiness staining my cheeks as she slows her movements, her hand falling over mine as I fulfil her needs. "Chelle..." She whispers, her spare hand lifting to my cheek, cupping it as she stares back at me lovingly. "I've never had better with anyone else. You know how to make me feel like this."

"I'm glad. You're gorgeous when you're in this place." I keep talking to her until she releases, gasping at the motion and not removing her eyes from mine. I can see the lust in them, the satisfaction. And when our bodies are tied together for hours afterwards, I know there is no place I'd rather be.

 **Carla**

I wake from such a refreshing and fulfilled sleep, Michelle's hair tickling my cheek as my eyes open. I breathe in the sweet scent of her shampoo, cherishing it and realising how much I appreciated it. She still seemed in a deep slumber. The softness of her breath inhaling and exhaling was the only sound I could hear. I felt so warm lying here next to her. So safe and happy and content. Peaceful, she looked, which causes me to smile slightly. Despite everything that had happened over the last forty two years, here she was, lying safely in bed next to me, her lips settled into a small smile. She was happy and protected at this very second, and that was what was most important to me. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay like this forever.

Carefully, I brush my thumb across her forehead, easing the lock of hair that has fallen across it. She mumbles softly, smiling more at the motion. I'm not even sure if she's awake, or just sensing it in her dreams, but my heart skips a beat at the way she reacts.

Momentarily, it was as if we were kids again. Waking up from a sleepover, having climbed into the same bed, although smaller and a lot less comfortable at the time, to keep each other warm throughout the night due to the probability of the heating being on the blink. I think back, realising that some nights I actually wished the inevitable, just so I could lie close to her. Whether I had feelings all the way back then, or whether I just craved the love and closeness of someone who really cared, I didn't know. But here we were, thirty odd years later, cuddled up in our own king size bed, in our own flat, with the heating in full working order. We didn't even have to use that excuse anymore. We didn't have to use any excuses. We were perfectly comfortable and accepting of the fact that we were completely in love with one another. That was a progression that, although I would ordinarily hate the vision of it being so, could be written into some kind of fairytale.

"Mornin'." She murmurs quietly and I stroke her hair back, unable to stop my smile widening at her her eyes remain closed, mirroring my expression as her lips twitch upwards. "You're beautiful."

"You haven't opened your eyes yet." I giggle softly and she hums, eyes fluttering open at my comment.

"I wasn't wrong." Michelle muses, reaching her finger forward to gently poke my cheek. "Not a shock."

"You're so sleepy."

"Mm, can we stay here?" Usually, I'd take it as a throw away comment, but the idea seems so appealing, and the look on her face suggests I wasn't the only one thinking so. "Duvet day?"

"...I'll text Sally." I finalise, and she looks surprised, eyes widening at how serious I sound. "I'll tell her we're not well and won't be in today. We've got no meetings scheduled."

"You're actually serious." She states, her voice still husky from sleep and I wrap my arms around her tightly.

"I'm not moving." I whisper into her hair, and her hand eases under my pyjama top, lying flat against my chest. "I'm gonna be naughty for once."

"Oh my God I love you." She announces, as if she had only just realised and it makes me melt more, almost going gooey eyed at her excitement. I didn't even care how much I had softened, it was Michelle, she knew everything, she knew me better than I knew myself. "You won't actually do it."

"You wanna bet?" I raise an eyebrow, reluctantly pulling on arm from around her and reaching for my phone, finding Sally's number between a haze of sleep. "Sally? Hi. Really sorry, Michelle and I aren't well at all, so we won't be coming in today. Can I trust you to make sure everything's ticking over?" I only half listen to her responses, starting with her get well wishes and following with her determination and certainty of being able to 'carry any responsibilities given'. Michelle bites her lip as she watches my bored response, and eventually, I lay the phone on my chest, rolling my eyes as I vaguely still hear her wittering on down the line. My wife lets out a laugh, and I shush her quickly, raising a finger to my lips. "Yep, that's great Sal, thank you so much." I pick it back up again, hammering a farewell down the line before throwing it back onto the side table. "And that's how it's done." I relay smoothly, rolling back over to face her. "Happy?"

"Happy." She nods, mumbling the words against my lips as she shifts closer to kiss me. "So happy."

 **Michelle**

It was crazy how close you can get to the person you love. While my hand is rested on Carla's chest, I can count every beat of her heart, feeling it closer and more predominantly than even she could. Her fingers have been playing with my hair for about an hour, while we just lie on the sofa in content bliss, attention vaguely tendered towards the television. Now and again, she would ask me pointless, totally unimportant questions about the fashion programme we were watching. Or make statements like "oh dear, yellow doesn't suit her" or "I wouldn't pair those shoes with that bag". I didn't even know the name of the programme, but they called upon dull seeming middle aged women and tried to transform their look and wardrobe. I liked the female presenter, which was odd, because I rarely watched television and found myself somewhat drawn to a woman. I'd decided against mentioning this to Carla though, although, the chances were she was probably secretly thinking the same. Then again, she didn't compare to the woman I was lying with right now, not by a long chalk.

"Do you think they ask them behind the scenes how they want their hair first?" I finally muffle, not making an effort to move from my comfortable position. "I mean, what if they just cut all her hair off and she hated it? Surely she'd be able to sue."

"Well all these things are staged aren't they?" Carla points out, her fingers pausing in my hair before continuing. The conversation was trivial, but so calming at the same time; to act as if we had no worries aside from some daytime television programme. "Takes the magic out of it all nowadays. It's the same with those competition shows, they're all dictated and planned out before they're even filmed. You know, things like The X Factor, etc, I reckon they choose the winner before they even get to the auditions."

"I was tempted to go on one of those shows." I reminisce, thinking back to when Paul had started up his new life with Carla, and Liam was messing around, jumping from job to job after breaking out of the estate. I wanted to make something of myself, do something exciting with my new found freedom at the age of nineteen. "One of those singing competitions. You know, there was this one where everyone was competing for one of five places in a new pop band. I don't think I'd have got very far."

"You underestimate your talent. You really do... I think you'd have surprised yourself."

"Really?" I tilt my head to look at her and the sincerity of her nod makes me smile proudly. "Ah well, I reverted to a life of pulling pints instead, what's not to love? Who needs their name in lights when they've got this instead?"

"I hope that's not sarcastic." She lets out a laugh and my eyes widen innocently, realising how little any other dreams meant when the path I chose led to this. "Seriously, I never hear you sing any more. You used to drive me insane with it in school. Practicing your music project around my flat every night."

"Drive you insane in a good or a bad way?" I raise an eyebrow and she shrugs, as if trying to decipher that for herself, and her response is received with a light tap on her arm. "Maybe I've just gone shy..."

"You haven't gone shy." Carla scoffs, sitting up and clicking the television off. "Sing for me now."

"No!" I blush suddenly, picking up the cushion to throw it at her.

"Go on..." She bites her lip to stop the smile creeping across her cheeks. "It's just me."

"No, it's embarrassing."

"Have you forgotten how to sing, is that why?" She teases me, tilting her head to the side and I sigh, glancing across at the fireplace with a stupid smile on my face. "You know you want to." Her fingers walk up my arm to tickle under my chin and I fend her off quickly, letting out a light giggle. "Please?"

"What do you even want me to sing?" I sigh, giving in and she narrows her eyes in thought.

"Um... I don't know." It's her turn to suddenly go shy. We were acting like little children, a habit we seemed to adopt when we were at our happiest and most comfortable. "Anything."

" _Pick a song_." A sing the words, jokily and she laughs, nodding impressively.

"See that was good."

"Oh yeah, it's gonna be my debut single that." I roll my eyes, composing myself. "Ok, I'll sing... Ok..." I hesitate, pushing the cushion at her. "You can't look at me though."

"How old are you? Nine?" She covers her face with it all the same and I open my mouth nervously to start singing, just as the door flies open.

"Are you both alright?" Ryan sounds worried and my attention is diverted to the door, Carla looking up at the sound.

"Will you stop doing that? Else you'll have to move out!" I snap, annoyed at his sudden invasion.

"Well, you're both fully clothed-"

"Why do you look so worried Ry?" Carla studies his expression, rising from the sofa to cut him off, knowing I'd retaliate with more annoyance if he were to finish the sentence.

"Kate said you weren't very well." He looks relieved to see us both, once I've settled slightly.

"How does Kate know?"

"Uh, Sally told Beth, who told Sinead, who told Daniel, who told Kate, who told me." He calculates, looking back at us when he's done and I glance across at Carla.

"We need to move away."

"We're fine. We just didn't fancy going into work that's all." Carla sighs, ignoring my comment and his shoulders drop in alleviation.

"Oh, alright for some." He dismisses us then, heading over to the kitchen and I fold my arms. "We got any crisps?"

"...Oh, are you staying?" Carla sounds put-out, as he raids the cupboards. She heads back to the sofa, sliding into my lap, picking up a magazine from the coffee table. I indulge in the glossy pages, pointing to a section about the new Autumn looks that were due to be all the rage.

"How could you?" Ryan's tone is suddenly so cold, and I frown at Carla in confusion, before we both turn around to face him. My heart almost stops when I see what he's holding up. Stupid me. What a stupid mistake. "How can you take drugs when you lectured me about it for months?"

"Ryan-" I begin, getting up abruptly.

"No, what even are these?" He suddenly shouts, staring in shock at the packet of syringes he had pulled from the back of the cupboard.

"Ryan, it's a medical prescription." I try to interject, tapping the sticker on the box purposefully and he reads where Carla's name is typed out on it. "Calm down."

"Well why is Carla injecting medication?"

"For my uh... My kidney." She bluffs, but he looks disbelieving as she joins my side.

"But you've never had to inject before..." He trails off, staring at our expressions in turn. It was only a matter of time before this all came out. It was hard enough having to attend medical appointments behind our family's back. "What's going on?" He demands, lowering them onto the counter. "One of you tell me, else I'll google these right now and find the answer myself."

"We're trying to have a baby." Carla suddenly reveals, practically spluttering the words and I close my eyes, sighing in defeat. "They're drugs to suppress my cycle, ready for when they try to... Help me get pregnant."

"Ry, we'd have told you, but we wanted to keep it to ourselves, you know? Until we were more certain of things. Whether we could go ahead or not." I apologise and he calms, sighing understandably. "You'd have been the first to know."

"Well... This is amazing." He admits, face lighting up as he holds his arms out to hug us both. I give a slight smile, allowing him to embrace us.

"Don't get too excited, ok? Chances aren't as strong as they could be. We're just seeing where we stand at the moment."

"So I could have a baby brother or sister?" He asks, as if he was a kid himself and I nod, wrapping an arm around Carla's shoulders. "Oh my God... And I'm the first to know, hey, your secret is safe, trust me."

"Well, Kate knows." I remember, and he looks a bit put out about this.

"Oh and Ali." Carla adds, her mouth immediately slamming shut as soon as it's been said. Ryan's face falls, my arm retracting from around her. "I mean... We didn't tell him-"

" _Ali_ knew and I didn't?" He sounds disgusted at the name, tears springing to his eyes. "Of course he would. Since he's the more sensible one."

"Ryan, it's not like that. I swear." I try to explain, but he's already grabbed his coat, storming towards the door. "Ryan!" I yell as it slams, my head falling into my hands. "Well done." Spinning around to face Carla, I realise how guilty she looks.

"Chelle, I'm sorry... I didn't think."

"No... It's ok. It's not your fault." I sigh, backing down at the look on her face. "I should go after him."

"Maybe give him some space to calm down first?" Carla suggests, reaching for my hand. "Then follow him in a bit?"

* * *

"Hey you." I peer around the edge of the booth Ryan is slumped in, in the Bistro. "I've been looking everywhere."

"You didn't look very far then, did you?"

"Well... I tried the Rovers, but it's dead now. There's more people drinking cans outside as a protest than there are inside there with all its flashing disco lights." I try to make conversation, realising he didn't seem very bothered. I eye up the glass of water he is nursing, which Robert had clearly allowed him to have despite not purchasing anything else. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I've got one." He taps it, not raising his head. His voice comes out as a hurt mutter, and I slip into the booth opposite him. "I'm skint though."

"Daniel?" I call over to where he is cleaning a nearby table, and he turns to assistance. "Get Ryan a beer will you? I'll have an orange juice, ta."

"I thought you weren't the one with plans to get pregnant?"

"Yeah but I need to cut back anyway. Besides, we don't know whether we'll be using mine or Carla's eggs yet, they're gonna check to see who's are most-"

"Ok, ok." He screws his nose up, hands flying over his ears. I stop, awkwardly wringing my hands on the table, and his hands falls slowly. "How did you come to that conclusion then? You know, of Carla doing all the hard work?"

"...Because I can't." I admit quietly and for the first time, he meets my gaze, confused at my response. "I can't carry children."

"Yes you can."

"No..." I sigh, looking up at him, the inquisitive look on his face. "When Phelan shot me... Where he shot me... It's damaged my reproductive system. Basically, I wouldn't be able to carry a baby again."

"If he wasn't already dead I'd kill him." Ryan grits his teeth and I manage a small, sympathetic smile, reaching forward to take his hand.

"I didn't intend for Ali to know, sweetheart. He noticed all of this on my medical records when he was checking on my prescription and joined the dots himself."

"Beer and an orange juice." Daniel cuts the silence that has fallen, placing our drinks down on the table.

Smiling at him appreciatively I return with, "Thanks Daniel, I'll come and settle up at the end?" He nods, before moving away, clearly picking up on the fact that there was something going on between my son and I. "We actually didn't tell Kate either, she saw us reading through a leaflet... We wanted to keep this private until after a conception was confirmed, if one is... Like I said, there's a high possibility it won't even happen for us."

"I understand... I'm sorry for shouting." He squeezes my hand, taking a long sip of his beer and seeming relieved at the flavour on his tongue. "And uh, sorry for accusing you of taking drugs."

"I'm not that wild, Ry."

"Well, you never stop surprising me." He grins, shrugging his shoulders. "Even at the age of forty three."

"I'm forty two!" I snap, lightheartedly, my eyes rolling at his assumption. "...So, are we ok?"

"I guess so." He smiles back at me, before contemplating some kind of deal. "If you buy me a kebab on the way home."

 **Carla**

"It's quiet in here." I tread carefully as I enter the 'Roverz', feeling completely out of place in such a bizarre environment. It was strange, as if I was a child who'd had their comfort blanket snatched away and replaced with a newer, cleaner one. Although it could be argued it was better, it wasn't the same, and it didn't provide the same comfort it used to. The low hum of classical music trills out from the speakers and I look around to where Sally was sipping some kind of cloudy lemonade from a posh engraved glass. "Loud out there though."

"Well it doesn't really get busy until later on." Johnny tries to excuse, reading the newspaper on the side of the bar. I take a step closer to him, ready to begin my lecture, and he raises an eyebrow expectantly. "What?"

"Well it's just..."

"Uh, no thank you." Jenny whips the paper out of his grasp, stowing it underneath the bar. "That's not very professional, is it?"

"Reading the newspaper?"

"You should be polishing glasses or finding a tie for that shirt." She points out. "Open collar isn't very classy." Jenny heads off out the back again and I fold my arms, knowing full well from his expression that it wasn't all working out the way he originally pictured.

"And this is what you want, is it?"

"Well... It's what Jenny wants."

"It's not her pub." I remind him and he checks behind before producing the paper again, recovering the spot he was originally reading over. "You bought it."

"Well we've paid for decor now." He waves his hand around the room and I pace into the middle of the floor, scanning it. Now I looked closer, the decor was fairly similar to how it used to be. Same carpet, with the same stain that had been there since I first set foot in the place almost twelve years ago. The picture of Betty still hung on the wall, just with a string of fairy lights around it, which was actually quite a nice touch. The lights had been dimmed, disco lights stationary ready for the mood to 'pick up' later on. The booths had been covered with leather, but I was pretty sure the old material was still stored away in the back room, if I remembered Johnny saying correctly.

"Hardly." I finally respond, eyeing up the sound system in the corner. "You got rid of the jukebox?"

"Shh, she thinks so." He raises a finger to his lips. "I asked Gary to drop it at the house. Not sure where I'm going to put it when the sale goes through. We've got tonnes of furniture over there which needs shifting. You don't want any, do you?"

"No thanks." I pull a slight face at the thought of having Jenny's cast off's littering my living room. I hesitate, eyeing up where he is chewing on his nails, probably dwelling on the previous question I had asked. "Johnny... Are you scared of her?"

"What? No of course not." He splutters, glancing behind him again all the same. "No, I just want her to be happy. After everything that's happened... I've treated her badly, this is my way of apologising. You know, making it up to her."

"You don't need to make anything up to her. She knows you love her." I lean forward on the cold bar top, drumming my fingers against the surface. "Johnny... You lost your son... How you felt, it's understandable."

"...What do you think Aidan would make of all of this?" Eventually, he finds another question, peering around the room distastefully.

"Honestly?" I arch an eyebrow, trying to lighten the mood. "I think he'd laugh at yer. And he's complain that the dartboard's gone and all."

"That's over at the house as well." Johnny mutters, thoughts running through his mind that I couldn't even begin to try encoding.

"Look... Dad." I reach for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and he raises his head at the word, merging my gaze. "If this is what you really want, then good. People will get used to it in time, the protests will stop... Hopefully." I hear a bottle smash off the wall outside as I say so, a muffled 'sorry' being yelled, although I was sure it was probably an intentional 'accident'. "But I think you miss the Rovers... I think you regret all this fancy decor and new image. This pub, it's people's livelihood. Birthday's, Christmas', New Years, wedding receptions, wakes... People have been born in here, died in here, started new romances in here... And ended them." I shrug, thinking back to me and Peter. "It's a special place, and a big responsibility. Even if it just seems like a back-street boozer to some people, it's a home for us; the locals, our friends and family. Just think on it, yeah?"

* * *

"In here!" I respond to the faint shout of my name, as Michelle arrives home. Swishing the bubbles around the bath, I hear the click of the door, looking up to where she enters hesitantly. "Ryan not with you?"

"He's gone out." She shakes her head, sitting down on the side of the bath and gazing at me contently. "You look peaceful."

"Mm..." I hum as she pops a kiss on my forehead. "How did it go with Ryan?"

"Yeah, all sorted. Didn't take much convincing, just had to buy him a beer, kebab and a cab into town."

"And they say money can't buy peace."

"I think that's happiness, babe."

"Yeah well, all the same thing really." I wave a hand in the air, playfully lifting a wad of bubbles and daring to paint her face with them.

"Oi!" She yelps, trying not to laugh as she squeezes her eyes shut, allowing bubbles to drip down her face. "Great, thanks for that."

"Well now you're covered in them, you may as well join me." I bite my lip and she rolls her eyes, clearly tempted at the idea. "Since Ryan's in town and all."

"Have you done your injection yet?"

"Ooh, romantic." I groan at her question, and she sighs, pulling her top over her head, which mesmerises me as I fixate on her navy lace bra. "No, I haven't, I was hoping you'd do it for me again."

"Ok." She kisses me after climbing in, the water rising around us slightly. Teasingly, she bites her lip, laughing softly to herself as she slides some bubbles onto her finger, dusting them onto my nose as I screw it up. "Ugh, I could kill for a glass of wine right now. That would be relaxing."

"You can have one?"

"No, I want to be in the best condition for whatever we decide to do." Michelle decides. "Besides, I don't want to drink if you can't."

"You're gonna keep that up for nine months, are you?" It's a long shot to say it, but staying positive was the best option right now. Even if it did risk our hopes being crushed more in the future. "Chelle, you're so kind."

"Well, I want to go through this together. Whatever the outcome. I want to support you all the way." She traces a finger down my chest, causing droplets of water to slide down after it, warm shivers cascading down my spine at the motion. "Is this the bath oil I bought you?"

"Yeah, nice isn't it?" I perk up slightly, inhaling the scent and she nods, her eyes sparkling. "You have very good taste in everything."

"I know I do." She splashes me gently, giving me a subtle wink in the process. Her face softens as she stares back at me, pushing a strand of damp hair behind her ear, water shimmering on her cheeks. It's almost lustful, loving, hopeful, the way her eyes settle contently. I reach forward to kiss her, my hand slipping into her hair, dampening it more as I pull back to nudge my nose against hers.

"You're so beautiful." Whispering the words I knew she loved to hear, her lips twitch into a small smile, not removing her eyes from mine. "...We're going to be alright, aren't we?"

"Of course." She nods, trailing warm water up my silky skin. "We've always been alright when we're together. We've got this far, hey?"

"I remember when you didn't like me." I suddenly giggle, pulling back slightly and shifting myself so I have my back against her chest, lolling my head against my shoulder as she plays with my hair.

"I've always liked you."

"No, don't lie." I turn my head to poke her nose. "You hated me when I was with Paul."

"I didn't hate you, you were just an acquired taste. You went from Carla Donovan with her scraped knees and survival skills to Carla Connor; snobby stubborn princess."

"I'm still Carla _Connor_ now." I point out, exclaiming in annoyance and she laughs against my shoulder. "Does that mean I'm still a snobby stubborn princess?"

"Yeah." She muffles into my skin and I glare at her. "But you're a lot of other things now too, and I love you for it... Ok, truth be told. You were my best friend growing up, I relied on you for everything. I always felt like I was number one, maybe even came before Rob... And then Dean got me up the stick and you went off with Paul, I guess... I was jealous. Jealous that he was your number one all of a sudden and I suppose, defensive over the fact the strain of my pregnancy and your engagement had ruined... Any visions I might of had of... Well, this." She says quieter, as if almost embarrassed to admit it. Although I couldn't see her face, just hear the murmur of her words tickling my ear, I knew that she was getting nostalgic at the thought. I knew everything was genuine, because I'd felt the same.

"You realise it was Dean getting you 'up the stick' that spurred me to go for it with Paul? You don't think I was jealous of him? That I was defensive over what could have been?" I say quietly, kisses being pressed against my shoulder. "You know... I don't mean for this to sound like it does... But the day Paul died, well, the day we found out about the crash. The same day we had our first proper chat in... So long. I asked you why you didn't like me. Strangely, that seems like the day that it all... Began to come back. And we rebuilt from there. It made us stronger, our friendship stronger, our relationship stronger... I'm not saying at all that I'm glad it happened but..."

"It's what he'd have wanted." She finishes my sentence, quietly.

"What? His wife shacking up with his little sister?" I dare to joke and she giggles softly into my skin. "He'd be glad we're happy. They both would." I feel my shoulder dampen, and not from the bath water. Trying to manoeuvre myself around to face her, I notice the tears sliding down her cheeks. "Oh don't cry... Baby. I'm sorry, hush my mouth... I've upset you now."

"No." She shakes her head, tilting her head against mine. "I love you. You haven't upset me. I just miss them that's all... Well, more Liam, Paul always did my head in... I miss them both but... Liam, God some days I really wish he was here... Except you'd probably be with him instead of me then." She manages to raise an eyebrow and I let out a muffled laugh. "I think you might have an obsession with our family. You're like a magnet."

"Yeah well I saved the best until last." I tickle her chin lightly and her eyes drift up to meet me, steam rising around us. "...They would be so proud of you. I know it. The last ten years... You've achieved things, become such a strong and admirable person, since they left. You're doing them proud, every day sweetie."

"I hope so." Is all she whispers back, eyes locking with mine. The tips of her hair rest on the rippling water beneath us. Golden, lightly tanned skin was shining like silk from the beads of moisture that had embedded themselves there. My cheek becomes warm as her palm meets it carefully, gaze studying my face as she takes me in. We didn't even have to communicate, it was like we'd developed a talent to highlight our thoughts, running over the past forty odd years of our lives together, pin-pointing new things every day. New realisations of when feelings might have been present and we never even understood it. Then her lips meet mine, sweet as ever, softly pressing down on my lower lip, kissing me with the same love she always did.


	39. Guilt

**Chapter 39:**

 _ **A/N: I've had serious writers block with this fic. I've picked Love You Like A Sister back up, so updates on my other two have slowed again. Plus I've started university and with the move and everything I haven't had much chance to write.**_

 _ **This chapter occurs over a few weeks and highlights a few different stages. But I've wanted to move the process on quite swiftly because I'm so fed up of hospital scenes and they're not the most exciting to read either. There's reasoning behind this outcome. I just hope I have the motivation to get there, because I feel like I'm not at the most interesting point with this fic at the moment. I wanted to make it realistic. The writing is quite poor, definitely far from the best I've written, but it needed updating so I hope you enjoy all the same.**_

 _ **Thanks for your patience.**_

 **Michelle**

"...I got all dressed up for this?" I pull a face as I step into The Rovers, debating momentarily whether I was hallucinating. "...Johnny are you going mad?"

"Hang on... Dart board... Fruity... Betty. Jukebox." Kirk lists off, pointing around the room. "Stain on the floor."

"The stain was always on the floor." Johnny rolls his eyes, grinning victoriously. "It's amazing what you can do by dimming the lights, changing the music and throwing some seat covers over the booths."

"I don't get it." Sally furrows her brow, as if it was some complicated puzzle we had all been sent to figure out. "Why would you..."

"Because look at you all here now." Johnny preens, casting his eyes over the locals in front of him. "You don't realise how much you miss something until it's gone." He catches my eye, a twinge of pain in his voice and I offer him a comforting smile in response. My eyes drift over to where Aidan's photograph was up behind the bar, all smiles and laughter. "So, this is the best business this place has had in ages."

"Yeah but it's cost you two weeks to get it." Steve points out and I roll my eyes, nudging him.

"Eat, drink, fill your boots. Welcome back to The Rovers Return."

 **Carla**

"Uh..." I hesitantly approach the bar, scanning the surroundings in confusion and meeting Michelle's side. She looks at me amused for a second, letting out a soft giggle.

"Oh uh, just to bring you up to speed." She begins, as I snake my arm around her waist. "The whole refurb thing went to pot. It's all been changed back and them two are actually quite smug about it."

"Right." I nod, narrowing my eyes at Johnny's proud smile he was directing at me. He looked happy, it was a good look on him.

"And no pods, like from Blade Runner." Kirk pipes up, slurring his words slightly from further up the bar. Michelle buries her head into my shoulder, laughing again.

"And clearly everybody's more drunk than I am. Johnny can I have a... Small G and T please? ...Hi." I turn my head to finally face Michelle, eyeing up the short black dress she was kitted out in. "...Hello."

"Well I was told I needed to dress up." Michelle waves a finger at Jenny's smug expression.

"Hey, you'll hear no complaints from me." I pat her back, smacking my lips together and she rolls her eyes playfully, pecking me quickly on the lips. "What you drinking?" I sniff her drink, as Johnny places mine down on the bar. "Oh snap. Same minds, eh?" I arch an eyebrow, clinking my glass against hers before raising it above the noise. "To the best Rovers landlord and landlady ever."

"Uh!" Michelle nudges me.

"Except you, obviously." I lower my voice and a small, victorious smile creases her lips, which I can't resist kissing.

"Wanna play darts?" Her eyes sparkle excitedly, grabbing where they had been left on the bar next to her. She holds one up, pointing it at my face and closing one eye.

"I will thrash you." I whip it out of her hand and she scoffs.

"Wanna bet?"

"Bring it on." I dare her, pointing to the board and she swings around, taking her glass as she heads over to it.

"Uh, you're not betting for money in here girls." Johnny calls over to us, but his expression is more humoured.

"Who said we were betting for money?" I dare myself to respond and his face creases briefly, as I laugh it off, heading over to Michelle. "Right come on then. Show off."

"I'm the show off?" She widens her eyes at me, taking the other dart from my grip. "Watch and learn." She holds it up, aiming and throwing it elegantly at the board in front of her, landing it pretty much in the centre. I stare at her contently for a moment, biting down on my lip as my eyes move down her body.

"Uh, just so you know." I lean in to whisper in her ear. "You doing that is incredibly sexy."

"Are you trying to distract me?" She susses, trailing the next dart lightly down my top, before turning to throw it to land similarly near the last one.

"Oi, Michelle!" Tim calls over, breaking my trance and I turn to see what he wants before she can. "Wanna play me?"

"No thanks." She frowns. "I'm playing Carla."

"I hope not." I mutter so only she catches it, shaking her head in response.

"Ah, worried I'll beat you?" Tim eyes her up and down, Sally slapping him lightly on the arm and he jumps, cowering at her scolding expression. "What about you Carla?"

"We'll take on you and Steve." I wave my finger between Michelle and I, Steve's head popping up from a bag of pork scratchings.

"Oh please Carla, at least choose someone we'll have to actually try against."

"Excuse me, I've had a lot more practice than you." Steve rises defensively, making his way over to us and waggling a finger in her face. "When we owned this place I won loads of games while you were slacking off."

"I wasn't 'slacking off', I was working Steve." Michelle arches an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest. "There's a difference, you know."

"Ok, ok, we doing this or what?" Tim pulls the darts from the board and I take the last one from Michelle's grip, firing it at the red circle and nailing it right in the centre.

"Bring it on."

"Ah, I had a good night." Michelle swings around the door, stumbling into the flat. "You only had one drink."

"Yes, because I've got my scan coming up haven't I? Start as I mean to go on, fingers crossed." I mime it in the air, closing the front door. "Anyway, I think you drank enough for both of us."

"Sorry." She bites her lip guiltily, leaning back against the sofa.

"Don't apologise gorgeous, like you said, you had a good time." I drop the keys on the side, going to the cupboard and running her a glass of water. "But you'll need that."

"I'm a bit drunk I think." She mumbles into the water, causing the surface to ripple teasingly. "Maybe a tiny bit."

"Still managed to bag us a win at darts though." I point out, weaving my fingers through her hair. "My girl did good."

"Mine did too." She reminds me, clamping her tongue beneath her teeth as she watches me, moving in for a kiss which is instantly interrupted as the bedroom door opens.

"Yo." Ryan sounds, heading over to the kitchen. "How was the big event?"

"Not so big." I try to conceal the disappointment of our moment being ruined. I suppose I needed to get used to it. We might have another child hanging around here soon. "They've just stripped it back to what it was before."

"Ah, sick one." Ryan cracks open a can of lager from the fridge. "I'm glad they've seen sense."

"It's almost midnight." Michelle points to the can in Ryan's hand, slipping back against the sofa again.

"And you're going to lecture me on drinking, mother?" He raises an eyebrow at where she is guiltily shooting me a look. "Been making the most of uncle Johnny's free bar have we?"

"I only had a _few_ drinks." Michelle interrupts him impatiently. "And then we won darts so some more people wanted to buy us drinks... And since Carla's not drinking I had her drinks-"

"Stop saying _drinks_." Ryan intervenes, a teasing smile on his face as the front door slams. "Did you find it? Did you find it?" Ryan jumps over the armchair excitedly, racing towards Ali's shocked exterior, dropping his briefcase abruptly.

"...Evening." Ali responds gradually, raising a hand at Michelle and I. He weighs up the way my wife slumps herself over my shoulder, sloshing the water on the floor in the process.

"Oops."

"Are you drunk?" Ali narrows his eyes, as Michelle looks at me apologetically.

"Ah, thanks babe." I look down at the puddle by my foot. "I'm all wet now."

"Ooh, good." She smirks slightly, pressing kisses against my cheek, prompting disgusted grimaces from both Ali and Ryan.

"Did you find it?"

"No Ryan, I didn't." Ali turns back to his attention, Ryan's let down expression causing my brow to furrow.

"Find what?"

"Nothing for you to worry about yet." Ryan ruffles my hair and I fend him off, wrapping an arm around Michelle's waist to hold her upright. "All that you need to know is that I am going to make you rich."

"No, _he's_ going to make us rich." I point at Ali, who is shaking his head at Ryan in amused annoyance. "How are you going to manage that?"

"Watch and learn mother number two." He heads back off into his bedroom. "Watch and learn."

"Stop calling me that!" I yell after him, even though I wasn't that bothered. If anything it felt quite nice to be acknowledged as a mother. "Anyway, darlin'. How can we help you?"

Ali's gaze snaps back to me as soon as Ryan's door has closed. "Oh, I just came over to wish you luck for your tests and scans. I'd have said in front of Ryan but..."

"Ah, thank you." I nod, tapping Michelle who raises her head from where it has dropped on my shoulder. "And uh, Ryan knows now so you don't have to worry about that."

"Oh right."

"Ah, he's so caring." Michelle coos, leaving me to stumble over to Ali. She squeezes his cheeks, urging him to emit an eye roll. "My gorgeous boy."

"Know any really quick tips to sober her up?" I realise he's a good person to ask and he just laughs softly.

"Just keep her drinking that water." He passes her back to me and her arms immediately wrap around my shoulders. "I'll see you soon."

"What are we going to do with you?" I ask her as soon as Ali has left.

"Sorry... Love you." She mumbles into my chest, as I secure my arms around her. "You're so pretty."

"Bed time." I practically sing, ushering her into the bedroom and she falls onto the bed, eyes fluttering closed. I sit beside her, cleaning the makeup from her face with some remover before taking the heels off her feet. For a while longer, I watch her sleep, pulling the duvet over her frame and combing my fingers through her hair. "Goodnight beautiful. Thanks for making me happy."

 **Michelle**

"Ow." I mumble upon waking, a hand rising to my head as I adjust to the brightness creeping through the room. "Carla?"

"Yes? If you're looking for sympathy it's your own fault." I hear her from where she is finishing up her makeup in the mirror. I worry for a second that she might be annoyed at me over last night, but once she's turned, the smile on her face confirms I was stressing over nothing. "How's the head?"

"Not good." I push myself up, realising I'm still in last night's clothes and groaning. "Sorry, what am I like?"

"Mm, here." She produces a coffee from the side and I accept it gratefully. "Just be careful, caffeine can increase your anxiety, especially with a hangover."

"Did I do anything stupid?" I suddenly stress, heart banging in my chest as I run over last night's events. "Oh God."

"Hey, hey, calm." She sits down beside me, resting a hand on my knee. "Maybe not a good idea actually." Taking the coffee from me and placing it on the side, she runs a hand through my hair. "No, you didn't. I promise you, you actually impressed everyone."

"Oh yeah, we won at darts." I nod in recollection, settling at the comfort in her words. "...Did we have sex?"

"No sweetheart." She muffles a laugh, staring at me adoringly. "I don't take advantage of drunken women." She teases me, grazing a thumb across my cheek and I hum warmly. "No, you were flat out. I took your makeup off and that was that."

"You're good to me." I murmur, closing my eyes contently at the feeling of her stroking against my skin. "I love you."

 **Carla**

"Chelle?" I call across the waiting room, moving from where I had been leaning against the noticeboard. I couldn't sit down, not on those uncomfortable plastic chairs and not while I felt sick with nerves. She claps eyes on me, looking worn and upset. She had been crying. I was so desperate to hold her. "Hey, hey, come here." Pulling her into my arms, I sway her gently. "It's ok, hey, it's done now."

"Sorry I shouldn't be the one like this." She composes herself, meeting my gaze. "You're doing so much for me and here's me getting upset."

"For us." I emphasise and a weak smile tugs at her lips. "...Did it hurt?" I stupidly ask and she hesitates, giving a small nod. "You're not gonna put me off now, don't worry." I nudge her softly. "How long did they say?"

"A few days. Back on Monday." Michelle rubs a hand down my arm, noticing the slight panic in my expression. "Ugh, my head is spinning."

"I wish I could have come in."

"Well I'm allowed to come in with you. I mean, if you want me to?"

"Yes, please. Please." I beg, as if she wasn't offering to and she squeezes my hand. "Oh... The hassle, hey?"

"Worth it, hopefully." A sigh leaves her lips, tilting her head upwards. "God I'm sore now."

"Right, home, bath, take-away and a soppy film?" I ask, knowing her eyes would light up slightly. "Come on then."

 **Michelle**

"How you feeling?" I bundle Carla up in blankets as soon as she reaches the sofa.

"I'm not ill." She giggles, secretly loving how I was caring for her all the same. "Ok, I guess."

"Chocolate?" I offer and she snatches it from my grip, ripping it open. "Ooh, cravings-"

"No, no." She raises a finger to my lips. "Don't start that, I'll stress out."

"Ok, sorry." I hold my arms out, my body warming as she falls into my chest. Lacing kisses into her hair, we sit in silence for a second, listening to the quiet buzz of the television. "You don't have to be scared."

"I still will be." She admits and I realise it's a stupid thing to say, because I would be exactly the same. "I'm most scared of letting you down."

"I've told you, that's not going to happen."

"Yes well... One step at a time, hey?" Her voice quietens, tilting her head up to face me and I plant a kiss onto her lips. "Take every day as it comes and all that."

"It's all about the here and now." I nod, reassuring her. "And we've got each other. No matter what happens."

 **Michelle**

"Cake run, anyone?" Sean dips his head around the door, staring at us inquisitively. "Can I tempt you-"

"Phone?" I hiss under my breath, pointing to where my wife was trying to pin down a client. Carla gets up at his appearance, heading out of the office via the other exit, causing Sean to shift his feet awkwardly.

"So... How are you both?"

"Get Carla an eclair in case she wants it." I produce a twenty pound note from the petty cash tin, bypassing his interruption for the sake of peace. "I'm all good ta."

"...When does Mrs Connor ever eat eclairs?" He looks confused, stashing it into his pocket.

"I want change." I divert his question, pointing at him warningly and he nods, sealing his lips as if waiting to ask something else.

"...So how are things?"

"They'd be better if you stopped procrastinating from working." I cooly put it, scribbling down a number from a post-it-note into the office diary. He takes the hint, waving me off hesitantly and leaving. There's a brief interval between his exit and Carla's reappearance, and she leans up against the door frame once the call has ended.

"Chelle, I really don't feel well." Carla pipes up, pulling a face. "I feel a bit sick."

A twinge of excitement pulls inside me, but I refuse to let it overlay my concern.

"Really?" Standing, I pace over, raising a hand to her forehead. "Why don't you go home for a lie down?"

"I don't want to leave you in the lurch-"

"Hey, I can handle it." I assure her, taking the phone from her grip and pulling her chair out. "Sit down darlin', you're quite pale. Do you want me to come with you? I can ask Sally to take over."

"No, no you stay here." She sighs and I lean down from where I'm sat on the desk, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Are you sure?"

"Course I'm sure. Just take it easy, ok?" Squeezing her shoulder, she stands once her head has stopped spinning, flashing me a grateful smile. "Carla? You ring me if you need anything at all?"

"I will." She kisses me quickly, heading out of the office and I watch her go, smiling slightly in excitement once I hear the front door swing shut.

 **Carla**

She doesn't say anything when she enters the flat. She knows as soon as she sees my tear stained face, knees pulled up to my chest, cowered against the kitchen counter. Instantly by my side, she kneels down, pulling me into a hug and not letting me go for what feels like an eternity. I wished it was an eternity.

"I'm so sorry." Words finally emit my lips and she moves back to study me, her heartache mirrored in her eyes. Oh it hurt. It hurt so badly.

"Hey, no, don't start that." She whispers soothingly, fingers working against my scalp comfortingly. "Do you feel unwell? Should we go to the hospital?"

"No... Please." I look up worriedly, the calmness she was facading for my benefit was enough to relax me slightly. "It's just a bit of cramping and bleeding... It just... Hasn't worked..."

"Oh baby." Michelle whispers into my hair, planting soft kisses into it for a few seconds. "Let's get you up and off the floor." I rely on her to help me to my feet, guiding me over to the sofa. Once I'm there, I lie in a defensive position on my side, arms folded around my tummy. Warmth descends as the duvet from our bed is wrapped around me, Michelle falling to her knees, so her head is level with mine.

"I've never felt so guilty." I swallow, mumbling it as I avoid her gaze. I knew what the response would be, but I wasn't afraid to say it because it was the only thing aside from heartbreak that I could sense inside me right now. "Not when I slept with Robert, not when I gambled away my friends' money. Not when Liam died and I could have saved him... I've never felt this disappointed in myself... Well, along with... Before..."

"Carla, look at me." Her finger tilts my chin to face her, eyes glistening with sadness. Pure sadness, that's what I had caused her. Crushed hope. Again. "We said from the start, we've got each other. I love you. Regardless of the outcome of this, I said from day one that you could never let me down. Not ever. I seriously mean that."

"...But it's your baby." I feel a tear roll down my cheek, not even bothering to brush it away. "...I've lost your baby. That's the worst thing I could ever do-"

"Stop." She begs me, her tone so sincere that I squeeze my eyes shut. I couldn't look at her. Not when I'd caused her this pain again. "Listen, hey, you haven't lost it. They said to us didn't they, it could take several rounds? This is just the first."

"But it feels like I've lost it... Why have I done that to you... Again? It really hurts. I feel so sad, again. I feel that same literal ache in my chest that I felt last time. Like I've just failed. Failed at being a mum, failed myself." I cry more, pushing the tears from my cheeks as I sob quietly. "I know I shouldn't have got my hopes up... I should have known I'd fail again... But there was this part of me deep down that thought maybe this time, with you, with us, maybe I could do it. For you. I've ruined it. I've broken your heart that's the worst thing."

"You're overthinking-"

"I'm not overthinking!" I suddenly yell, the word ringing in my ears and she looks shocked, lurching backwards as I sit up. "Maybe I didn't get anywhere near as far as you, but I'm still allowed to grieve!" The words hit the air hard as I release them, her face crumpling, my heart pounding.

I was stupid. I was really stupid.

But I was broken and hurt and I wasn't thinking straight.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Chelle. I'm so sorry." I start repeating over as her head falls into her hands, a desperate sob sounding from where she is keeled over. I'd felt guilty before. But now I just felt overloaded. I was a mess. Everything about me was a mess. "Michelle, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."

"It's ok." She finally whispers once her cries have slowed, raising her head to see where I was clearly loathing myself. "...It's ok-"

"I shouldn't have compared... What gives me the right... Oh God. Oh God I hate myself."

I burst into tears and she's got me. She's holding me in her arms as I fall into her, clinging onto her top so hard. Feeling the way she rocked me, the way only she rocked me. There was nothing to say. There was nothing I could voice to express how sorry I was, and nothing she could say to erase that. All we could do was hold each other, cry together, mourn over the memories that were being dragged back up again.

"I can't do it again." Is what I finally say, and she's still quiet, not trying to meet my gaze as my head rests against her chest. It pained me to say it, but I couldn't keep putting her through this strain, or myself. It hurt to much and was too nostalgic for either of us to cope with. "I'm sorry... I know you want this and trust me I do, I do so badly. But I can't do this to you again, Chelle. We can't have a baby. I'm sorry."


	40. Rehabilitation

**Chapter 40:**

 _ **A/N: Massive apologies, I've had so little time to write due to university. All my FanFictions will be updated tonight!**_

 **Michelle**

I feel her stirring. As if I hadn't for the duration of the night. Lying on my side facing the wall, the way she wanted it. I'd been pushed away too many times to think arguing back was a suitable idea. This time, however, she doesn't try to make it subtle. The bed on her side falls cold as she lifts herself from it. The quiet pad of her footsteps becoming more distant as she heads towards the bedroom door. Did she know I was awake? Did she know I was awake knowing she was awake?

The door muffles it's closure, shutting out any sound of her on the other side of it. Moving onto my back, I gaze at the ceiling. It didn't have to be like this, it never did. But somehow I'd wound up married to Carla Connor and I knew that came with a price. The consequences of self-destruct, self-pity and self-loathing. It came with knowing that she would do whatever it takes to make this hard on herself. As hard as possible. It came with knowing the fatigue had only just begun. Because getting through to Carla Connor wasn't easy. Even when I'd known her all my life. Even when I knew her better than I think she knew herself.

 **Carla**

"Kate in?" I ask Robert bluntly, having no desire to talk to him. He eyes me up, which I wish he didn't. It emanates a sickly feeling in my stomach; that same concerning, maybe hinting look that he knew my thought process. The same one he shot my way so many times when I stood guilt ridden by Nick's side.

"Everything ok?"

"Fine. Top of the world." My tone is drenched in sarcasm, but it does the trick; prompting him to fetch my sister for me. She barely opens her mouth when she arrives out front, reading the avoidance of my expression like a book. Very alike Michelle. Very alike me. "When can you take your break?"

"Seems like I need to take it now." She leads me over to a nearby table, hovering for a second as if debating something.

"Wine. Yes, wine." I confirm, and equally, that confirms everything for her. "Waitress."

Once the dark red liquid is poured and we've exchanged enough awkward pleasantries, I feel her hand fall over mine. My eyes lift to hers, conveying everything, pure sadness and self-hatred.

"You know, it hardly ever works first time." I know she regrets it as soon as the words have left her mouth. But in a way, I was grateful one of us had broached the topic. "Sorry I uh... I'm just saying, don't give up hope... I know a woman who went through seven rounds. Expensive but, hey, her son is turning four now."

"...And that's supposed to help?"

"Well... No..." She trails off, looking guilty, which subsequently makes me mirror her expression. She was only trying to see the positives, as she always did. Only she should know her sister was the most pessimistic person when she wanted to be. "Sort of... Just... Don't give up."

"Already there." I take a long sip of my wine, feeling the rich liquid burn my throat gently, instigating that thrive of illusion that everything would be alright if I finished the bottle. "Already given up on the idea."

"...And how's Michelle taken that?" She asks gently, and I'm not entirely sure whether she means the miscarriage or the prospect of giving up on children altogether.

"Michelle is Michelle." I shrug, waving my glass carelessly. "The loveliest most understanding, caring person and... I lost her baby... I caused her the kind of pain that... Is the worst. I caused that... It was her baby."

" _Your_ baby."

"Whatever." I dismiss it, pouring myself out a third glass with the full intention now of drowning my sorrows. "Fine. Yeah. I lost _our_ baby. My baby. Again. I never thought I'd say that word; again. I never want to say it... Again... In the future, I mean."

"Maybe slow down on the wine-"

"Why?" I snatch the glass from her grip. Suddenly defensive at having it taken away. "Why? ...I'm not pregnant. Am I? What have I got to stop drinking for?"

"Michelle-"

"Come into town." I suddenly decide, the glass hitting the solid oak of the table harder than anticipated, emitting a loud clink, which attracts the attention of a few nearby tables. I link eyes with one woman, on a date with supposedly her boyfriend, maybe husband, I couldn't see far enough to make out a ring. She was looking on as if I was a disturbance to her. A disturbance to all of them. "Hello." I dare to raise my voice, alcohol swimming in my head, sending my thoughts afloat. "Sorry, am I interrupting your date?"

"Carla!" I hear Kate hiss, purposefully ignoring her as I push my chair out dramatically, draining my glass again and taking a step forwards.

"Do you have children?" I ask her directly, although quite a few tables were looking now. She dips her head, clearly now thinking I was deranged. Maybe I was. Maybe I always had been. "Oi, I'm talking to you. I said, have you got children?"

"A boy and a girl." She furrows her brow, looking slightly hesitant to announce it. Her husband turns, raising his head from the menu he had been indulged in. My eyes flicker to his. Oh to be perfect. To be in a perfect marriage for years on end with two perfect children together. Perhaps a perfect trampoline in the garden, a perfect dog that doesn't even shed its fur, a perfect photo on the wall of the four of them. Pride of place in their perfect house. "Tom and Lucy. Five and seven." And perfect names. Those names which just screamed normality and domesticity. No complications what-so-ever. The sort of names which would be called out the back door at five in the evening, beckoning them for tea. That other children would announce "mum, Tom and Lucy are playing on their bikes out front, can I go too?". I would never have a Tom and Lucy. Too normal, too perfect for me.

"Nice." I nod, speaking quieter now, absorbing the image playing out in my head. "That must be nice for you."

She doesn't ask me the same question. She knows. From my drunken state, my words, my desperation. She knew. Neither of them look as hard as they initially did. So confused or freaked out. Not now it was obvious.

"You know I never wanted children." I vaguely realise I'm announcing it to almost the entire bistro now. "I hated the concept. The idea repelled me. Having a screaming, needy little bundle crying through the night. Sick down my jumper. Night feeds, nappy changing, being a mum... A mum... What I'd now give to..." My voice cracks and I feel Kate's hand in my shoulder, forcing tears back. "But when I was pregnant with my baby girl, I realised, for the first time, for the very first time, I realised that maybe I could... I mean nobody's ready for those things are they? When it comes down to it, none of those tiny, pointless worries even matter. In fact when I felt her inside me, growing, I actually felt excited about those things. Once I got my head around the idea and against everything I'd ever told myself, realised that she was part of me, a part only I could connect with..." I swallow hard, forcing myself to finish the impromptu speech. "But she had to go... As did my recent hope... They had to go... And trust me, I've been through a lot. You name it I've suffered it but... That heartbreaking, soul-destroying loss... That gap, the emptiness that you feel inside you, once you know it's gone... It hurts so badly. It aches. So... Go home and kiss your children good night, even if they're asleep. Because some children are already sleeping and we didn't get to say goodnight to them."

 **Michelle**

"Where have you been?" The door slams and I'm up straight away, kitted out in the same velour tracksuit that symbolised the fact life had hit a low. Carla stumbles in, make-up smeared across her face, an empty bottle in her hand. "Where the hell have you been?" I slap her shoulder, forcing her to raise her head to look at me. "I've been going out of my mind. Kate said you stormed off. No one else had seen you. I checked the pub, Roy's, the garden on Victoria Street. I even went to The Flying Horse."

"I hate The Flying Horse." She responds, dropping the bottle with a smash as she falls back against the door.

"Where have you been?" I snap, as her eyes close. "Carla!" I slap her shoulder again. "Where have you been?"

"Stop hitting me!" She shouts suddenly, eyes snapping open and storming straight past, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard.

"I wasn't hitting you." I stare at her in shock, praying it hadn't actually hurt her. "Sorry... I'm just... Carla, do you realise how worried I've been?"

"Yes. Yes. I'm sure you have-"

"I've been calling."

"Phone's dead."

"Oh is it?" I raise an eyebrow, grabbing her back to search for it, a square of paper drifting out of it. Her eyes follow the soft trail it casts as it falls to the floor, moving forward and failing to grab it before I sweep it up. "Sunset Casino?" I read off in horror, looking up to see the apologetic gaze she is shooting back at me. "Really? REALLY?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"No. No, we are not doing this again. No way." Scrunching it up, I throw it to her floor, moving forwards to prize the bottle from her grip. "You got through this. Not again. NOT AGAIN!"

"I won't. I won't. I'm sorry." She bursts into tears, slipping down the wall after I've shaken her. Crumbling, she sobs into her knees, heartbreak aching in each cry she releases. Guilt seeps through me. Maybe it hadn't hit me yet, but it had hit her hard and I knew how she felt. Yet I was stood shouting at her, shaking her, showing no sympathy for the grief she was channelling. Falling to my knees, I cup her face in my hands, lifting it to face me. Her cries slow, mascara staining her cheeks, apology written hard into her expression.

"No, I'm sorry." I whisper, watching her sigh regretfully. My thumb moves to graze the tears from her cheek, offering her a broken but warm smile. "I'm sorry. I was just so worried."

"I wish I could stop." Her murmur falls between us, swallowing as she absorbs my comfort. "I want to stop for you. I said I would. It's me, I can't help myself. I wanted to be better for you."

"Hey hey hey. Don't talk like that." My thumb continues to stroke her cheek. "I love you for you."

"Even if I'm a stupid idiot?"

"Do you think I didn't know what you were like before I signed up for this?" I raise an eyebrow and she muffles a laugh, tilting her forehead against mine. We don't say anything for a while. I wait for her to calm, sober up slightly just by being in my company. "...How much did you lose?"

"Not much." Her eyes flutter closed and I pull back slightly, studying her patiently. "Two hundred maybe."

"Ok, we can work with that."

"I was easing myself in slowly." She dares to joke and I make sure I slap her lightly this time, her hand catching mine and pulling it forwards so my body does so with it. Our lips connect, planting a soft kiss onto hers, smoothing the hair back behind her ear. "Joke. I fell off the wagon for one time only."

"I'll super glue you onto the flamin' wagon if you're not careful." It triggers a smile on her face as I joke. "Just stop and think for a minute, ok? Think about how much harder you make it for yourself. Every time you feel low or something happens to make you do this, the repercussions, Carla, they make everything ten times worse."

"That's why I do it."

"To punish yourself, I know." I whisper knowledgeably and she doesn't look surprised at how well I understand her. "But baby, this isn't something you should be torturing yourself over. I'm here, you can cry, you can shout. But please don't go through this alone. Please, I'm here and I understand."

"I think it's just hit hard... That... This probably won't work for us. Because of me." I let her take time to speak, even though I was desperate to reassure her. "...I've missed my chance, haven't I? I wish I'd known this sooner. I wish I'd seen it all those years ago, with you, why now? Everything could have been so different."

"Maybe so. But maybe everything happens for a reason and maybe it wouldn't have worked out the way it has if we'd ever realised our feelings before. Maybe we were ready; ready because we took the struggles of the past and built on them, realised how much we need each other as a result of them. I don't wish things were ever different, or that this happened before it did, because this came together when it did for a reason."

"...Do you still want a baby?" The silence is finally broken my her question, looking at me with so much meaning and valuing my words carefully.

"Yes, of course. But not if you don't want to. I completely understand that you want to stop there and that's fine, sweetheart. We've got each other, I said from the start. Nothing will break us. I'm not like the others. I won't cheat, I won't leave, I won't hurt you. I won't give up on you. Never."

"Chelle... For God's sake." She starts crying again, tilting her forehead against mine, but smiling all the same. "...You just... You're just the most incredible person I've ever known." She murmurs against my hair, pulling me into one of those hugs that means so much. That explains all the words that can't do it justice. "We'll try again. For a baby. We'll try it again."

"...Carla, I don't want you to if-"

"I want to." She assures me, after I've pulled back in shock. Confidence shines in her expression, certainty as she takes me in. "I want to. I want to keep trying. Like you said, everything happens for a reason. And you're not giving up on me, so I'm not giving up on this. Us. Our family."


	41. Fertility

**Chapter 41:**

 **Carla**

"Morning." Michelle raises her head from the sofa, flashing me a warm smile from above her iPad. There was a notebook next to it in her lap, which indicated she was doing wedding planning work. But it is thrown onto the coffee table as soon as she notices me standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

"I was cold. Why did you get up?" I climb into her lap, pulling the throw over us and nuzzling into her chest. I felt so safe and warm all of a sudden.

"Sorry. It is half nine." She plants a kiss into her hair and I grab the iPad in shock, checking the time.

"Oh flamin' hell. What am I like?"

"Exhausted." She answers for me. "So I hope you feel more refreshed. You needed that sleep."

"I slept better." I muffle into her chest, hesitating before broaching the subject on both of our minds. "I thought we could have a chat about things today... A proper talk."

"Yeah?" Michelle sounds surprised, which was to be expected. But she had been so mature about everything and I needed to do the same. Acting like a child was getting me nowhere. Hesitating, she grabs the magazine, flipping through to the page she has the corner turned on. "What do you think about these shoes?" She points to a pair of strappy navy stilettos and I study them for a moment, tucking further into her chest.

"Yeah... They're nice." I force myself to make casual conversation. "What would you wear them with though?" I can tell her gaze is held on me, tilting my head upwards and sighing. "On second thoughts, can we just talk now?"

"Yeah sorry, I'm trying to... Lighten the mood... I guess..." She gives up, sighing and pushing her hair back. Adjusting myself into a position where I can look at her properly, I move to sit cross legged on the sofa, studying her. "...Have you changed your mind about what you said last night? Because that's ok, if you have. Like I said, I don't want to push you into anything Carla. I just want you to be happy-"

"Ok, shh." I raise a finger to her lips, silencing her, and she waits patiently for me to talk. "I haven't changed my mind." I see the relief and hope flicker in her expression as my eyes drop to where I'm taking her hand in mine. "I still want this... As unrealistic as the idea probably is."

"It's not unrealistic." She tries to reinforce our hope and I just arch an eyebrow slightly. The disappointment in her eyes saddens me. Why couldn't I do this for her? Why was it so hard? "You know... We don't have to do this method. We could adopt? We were going to adopt Suzie? We could do the same with another child, one that really needs a home with loving parents... Like us."

"Parents." I can't help smiling as I hum the word. "Yeah maybe... Chelle... But I want to try one more time first. Then if it doesn't work we'll start thinking about all those routes."

"Can I volunteer an idea?" She asks quietly, almost timidly and I emit a soft laugh.

"This isn't Yasmeen's weekly community centre meeting." I remind her, cocking my head to the side and it makes her smile. "But yes, volunteer away."

"Ok... Hear me out though." She checks and I nod, waiting for her to continue. "Why don't we... Try... Getting pregnant with your eggs this time? You know, it might gel with your body more... And I know it put a massive strain on you last time knowing that..." She trails off, rejecting the end of the sentence, either because she thought it would upset me or because she didn't know how to word it herself. "And no matter what way we go about it or who's what is what, it's equally our child anyway. Isn't it? I don't care about biology. Ali and Ryan have taught me that love is stronger than all that. It's worth a try? Isn't it? ...What do you think?"

"...Wow..." I try to gather words to respond with, contemplating the idea myself. "...You're sure about that?"

"One hundred percent." She squeezes my hand, searching me for answers.

"...You really want to bring a replica of me into the world?" I clarify and she rolls her eyes, nodding firmly all the same. "...Ok... Then... If that's what you want."

"It is." She affirms, dipping her head closer to mine. "And I will love that baby so much."

"Don't get your hopes up." I whisper, worrying over her desperation and she places a soft kiss against my lips.

"I'm here for you." She murmurs against my lips and I pull her into a hug, embracing the warmth and resting my chin into the softness of her hair.

 **Michelle**

"How's Sean doing?" Carla pipes up as I re-enter the office, filing through applications on her desk.

"Alright I think. Gobby as ever." I peer through the window, parting the blinds to the side. "Glad to be back. Soaking up the attention."

"I wish he'd have just told me he was struggling. I should have clocked when Johnny mentioned he fired him from The Rovers. But then again, I'm not good at picking up on these things. Am I?" Her voice trails off quietly, pausing what she's doing for a moment. "...Everything has to be black and white or I don't see it-"

"Right, that's enough." I perch on the edge of her desk, clasping my hand over hers as I speak softly. "You can't possibly start blaming yourself for this. He didn't want anybody to know."

"Yeah... Just like Aidan didn't." She dares to whisper so I only just catch it. "Thank God Billy sussed things before it was too late."

"Right, you." I attempt to divert her thoughts, placing a finger under her chin and tilting it upwards. "Can I take you for lunch? Please?"

"Ooh, careful, it's almost like you're trying to date me." She teases, raising an eyebrow playfully and I'm humoured, amongst relieved, that her mood had lifted. "I've got all these PA applications to go through though. Sally's not going to be able to help out as much now that she's got all this agro with the police and I need a permanent member of staff to watch the shop floor and keep things filed."

"I keep things filed."

"If you want to be demoted, you're very welcome darlin'." She pats my hand, before going back to leafing through the sheets.

"...So that's a no to lunch then?" I assume and she sighs, looking up at me again and letting the paper fall through her grip.

"I tell you what, I'll take you for dinner tonight." She compromises, reaching up to cup my cheek. "How's that? Hm?"

"Well you need to ask me nicely and politely." I shrug, causing her eyes to narrow as I take the upper hand. "That's not how you usually ask your dates out, is it?"

"Maybe it is." She smiles smugly, giving in with a sigh. "Ok, please will you let me take you out for dinner tonight, beautiful?"

"Better." I drop down to kiss her quickly. "I'll check my diary and get back to you on that one."

"Michelle!" I hear her call after me in defiance, giggling to myself as I head back to the shop floor.

 **Carla**

"So are you thinking about hiring Sarah then?" Michelle tucks into her food once Daniel has placed it down, and I lower my fork reluctantly. "What?"

"Two things off limits; work and babies. We're on a date. Let's talk about something... I don't know... Flirty."

"Flirty?" Michelle scoffs, grinning at the concept. "What's that supposed to mean? I don't need to flirt with you, I already got you."

"Ooh, and who says romance is dead?" I tease her, pausing in thought. "Hey, did I tell you what Roy said about Jude?"

"...Is that your idea of flirting?" She challenges me and I slap her hand lightly. "Who's Jude?"

"Jude! You know, Mary's son, bit of a wet lettuce."

"Ohh, yeah, right him." She nods in unenthused recognition, waiting for me to proceed.

"Roy had an anaphylactic shock the other day." I tell her and her eyes go wide.

"Oh my God, why didn't you say?" Her fork slips from her grip, clattering quietly on her plate. "Is he alright?"

"Yeah he's fine, thanks to Jude. Saved his life apparently." I inform her as she looks on with interest. "Pulled an epipen out and knew exactly what to do with it. Actually I should maybe pop over there, give him my own thanks. God knows what would have happened if he hadn't have stepped in."

"I'm not gate-crashing." Ali's voice sounds as a hand drops onto my shoulder. "Just wanted to check how you are."

"...Oh, I'm... Fine." I force a smile, knowing Ali would have established things from my medical records. "Thank you."

"Who you here with?" Michelle looks up at him, peering around to the bar.

"Thought I'd pop in and keep Ryan company. End of a long shift and all."

"Ryan?" Michelle responds bluntly, as if she didn't know who her own son was. "...I didn't realise you two got along so well all of a sudden."

"Well I wouldn't go that far." Ali screws his nose up in slight defensiveness. "But he's growing on me, I guess. He's a laugh. Not a problem is it?"

"A problem? There's nothing I want to hear more." I can tell how excited and elated Michelle is by the news, biting her lip happily as she stares back at me. "Hey, did you hear about Jude saving Roy's life? We were just talking about it."

"...Who told you that?" He suddenly looks put-out, annoyed at the conversation.

"Roy told Carla." Michelle furrows her brow. "Apparently Jude had an epipen in his pocket when Roy went into anaphylactic shock, knew exactly what to do. Carla was just saying she wants to pop over and say thanks."

"Apparently he's volunteered himself for a Good Samaritan award and all." I add, trying to cease the miserable look from Ali's face. "Roy's all for giving him the publicity."

"Unbelievable." Ali tuts, shaking his head. "I mean I heard him bragging about it in the pub but I didn't think he'd actually take it further."

"...What do you mean?"

"Jude didn't save Roy's life." He huffs under his breath, pulling a chair up abruptly. "I did. I had the epipen in my briefcase. I always carry one for situations like that. I left to talk to the ambulance and asked Jude to sit with him."

"...So why is Jude claiming he saved Roy?" I'm immediately angry at the false pretences.

"I don't know. He wants all the attention and praise probably." Ali shrugs, almost uncaringly. "I have no need for any of that, I just hate liars."

"It should be you getting that award." Michelle points out, anger showing in her face. "Not him."

"Oh I don't want any award. It's my job to save lives. I don't need any glory or recognition for it."

"Well I'll at least have to tell Roy." I begin and he shakes his head, lowering his head into his hands.

"No, don't." He eventually decides. "What's the point? Let him have it."

"You can't just let him get away with something like that!" Michelle exclaims, mouth dropping open.

"Well like I said, I have no desire to be the hero." Ali gets up eventually. "It'll cause more tension and agro than it's worth. Just forget I said anything." Hesitating, he gives a curt nod of his head, squeezing our shoulders once more. "Have a good night."

 **Michelle**

"Decaf coffee." I lower it onto the side of the bath, debating whether Carla was asleep in amongst the frothy sweet smelling bubbles that surrounded her. She looked peaceful, which made a change from her crying all the way back from the hospital following her medical transfer. This was definitely the last time. If it didn't work out, there was no way I was letting her put this strain on her body again. It was so exhausting for me alone to watch, never mind how she had felt the last few days. "You awake sweetheart?" I keep my voice gentle in case she was asleep, but a small mumble answers my question. Lowering myself onto the edge of the bath, I begin running my fingers through her hair, scooping it back, the damp ends that had been dipped in the warm water easing transparent droplets onto my skin. "If you're still sore I can get you some ibuprofen as well?"

"I'll manage." She just murmurs, keeping her eyes closed at the relaxing movement of my fingers in her hair, now massaging her scalp. "You could just keep doing that."

"Ok." I bend down to plant a kiss onto the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair. We sit in silence for a while, continuing to relax her, running over my thoughts and what to volunteer for idle but treasurable conversation next. "I've got something to show you when you get out of the bath."

"What?" Her eyes finally open, innocently looking up at me as her head rolls to the side. "What is it?"

"No rush. Just enjoy yourself." I calm her, which I knew was a stupid statement to suggest. She was in the warm water so it numbed the pain wearing from her earlier procedure. The fear of, what was inevitable in her head, wouldn't die down until things were more certain. It was like she was sitting on a time bomb praying it wouldn't explode. Carla wanted this to work so desperately, but it didn't stop her being pessimistic about the whole situation. A defence mechanism so she didn't get her hopes up, and so she could say 'I told you so' to herself if our hearts were broken again. "There's shepherd's pie in the oven."

"Is that a tradition now? You cook me that when I'm not well or just out of hospital?" She muses, eyes closed again, murmuring the words so quietly they don't even echo off the bathroom walls. "It's good comfort food, I'll give you that."

"Are you hungry at all?"

"Maybe a bit." She contemplates, swishing the water around herself. "I'll try and eat some. For you."

 **Carla**

Wrapping a fluffy dressing gown around myself, it was possible to admit that I felt a lot better now I'd taken up Michelle's offer of running me a bath. The painkillers had kicked in, which had dulled the agonising cramping in my stomach. My legs still felt slightly weak and wobbly, but I think the tension of built up nerves beforehand, had probably been a cause of that.

"How are you feeling?" She offers me a smile from where she is dishing up plates of shepherd's pie at the kitchen counter.

"A bit better." I know it's a reassurance to her, placing my hands on her shoulders once I reach her and beginning to rub my thumbs against them, undoing the knots. Her head leans back into my chest when I do so, humming contently. "You said you had something to show me?"

"Oh... Yeah..." Michelle sounds hesitant as she produces a jar with a bow tied with yellow and orange ribbon around the top. "Right, sounds stupid, you'll laugh. But my Nana Connor once taught me about this. When she was trying to conceive, she filled a jar with lavender, hazelnuts, mistletoe and pomegranate seeds."

"...Very random objects." I point out, but interested all the same, watching her finger move over the outside of the jar and indicating to each item she had listed.

"Well maybe, but they're all good luck charms that are symbolic for fertility and conception." She informs me and I swallow, forcing myself not to cry at the effort she was going to, the hope she was holding out. "And I tied it with orange and yellow ribbon because it's the colours for fertility and all. She told me you're supposed to put it on the top shelf in your house. It'll cast a good omen and all that... It sounds like rubbish doesn't it? I just thought it was cute and... It might make you feel a bit more positive about things... Do you hate it?"

"No I don't hate it." I whisper, almost laughing in disbelief. Reaching out, I take it from her, observing how the items have been neatly assembled inside. "This is cute, Chelle. When did you make this?"

"A few days ago, before you underwent your withdrawal." She shrugs, blushing slightly. "Trust me, it was hard to find the mistletoe."

"You're so thoughtful." I place it back into her palm, gazing at her lovingly. "It's a lovely idea."

"I thought you'd find it stupid."

" _I_ thought you knew me better than that by now." I point out, arching an eyebrow.

"Usually you hate these kind of miraculous ritual methods." She shrugs it off, grabbing a chair from by the dining table.

"Well I'm learning to love all the little things you do." I respond, trying to hold out faith in myself for her sake. I was willing to try anything, and although it was just a materialistic object, which probably wouldn't have any impact, the glitter of Michelle's eyes was enough to make me believe in it myself. "Here, I'll put it up there."

"Uh, no you don't." She stops me from mounting the chair, stepping onto it herself to ease the jar onto the top of the cupboard. "You need to take it easy. No climbing. I'm running no risks."

"Ok, be careful please." I hold my hand out and she grabs it, jumping down when she's finished and landing in my arms. Tilting my head forwards, I murmur the words 'thank you' against her lips, before kissing them softly. "Hey, I've got an idea of my own."

"Yeah?" Her eyes light up, interested to hear what I was to follow it up with.

"Well... When conceiving, couples usually have to sleep together don't they?" I bite my lip gently, a coy smile creasing her expression as she catches my drift. "What makes us any different?"

"Oh so many things." She teases me, kissing my lips again. "But I will take you up on that offer. Dinner can wait."


End file.
